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Playing Separately

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By *heaspieswinger OP   Man
over a year ago

Peak District

So…

I (Mr) am going through a really rough time mentally at the moment. I’m in a really bad place. But I’m used to it as I suffer from persistent depressive disorder. I’m also suffering with really bad heel pain at the moment, and sometimes struggling to walk.

We’re off out to a club tomorrow, and I’m expecting to be utterly not up for playing (or physically be able to either.) So I’ve said to Mrs that, although it’s usually beyond our boundaries, if she wants to play with anybody I’m happy to support her decision although I probably won’t be involved. The exceptional circumstances are the reason we’ve discussed this. She hasn’t expressed an opinion either way (though knowing her she’ll be off enjoying herself as soon as the opportunity presents )

What I’m expecting is that if it happens she’ll go and play and I’ll stay sitting downstairs on the sofas, resting my broken feet and brain.

But we’ve never properly played separately, especially not when it’s one-sided.

For those that do play separately, any advice for the first time?

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Do you think you're in the best place mentally to consider this? You sound doubtful..why risk any fallout

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Second the above.

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By *efinitely worth it...Woman
over a year ago

East Riding of Yorkshire


"Do you think you're in the best place mentally to consider this? You sound doubtful..why risk any fallout "

I agree is it the right time?

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By *heaspieswinger OP   Man
over a year ago

Peak District

I absolutely get where you’re all coming from, but honestly I’m fine. We’ve sort of played separately before (adjoining rooms in the club with an open doorway) and that went pretty good We’ve also talked about possibly playing separately but in the same vicinity previously.

Neither of us have ever experienced jealousy at all while swinging (or during any other time in our relationship for that matter ) so we’re not concerned about that either. We’re also great at communicating with each other, so we both understand that if anything does happen either of us can put a stop to it with a simple word, with no repercussions.

And we’ve got friends at the club, so I won’t be sat all billy-no-mates twiddling my thumbs wondering if she’s airtight or anything hehe

I’m not really concerned about my mental health (I’m used to feeling this way from time to time and it’s never stopped us swinging )

But it’s unfair for my current state to stop her from enjoying herself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When some people are depressed they subconsciously or sometimes even deliberately set up situations which will add to their misery in a kind of hopeless “I told you so” kind of way.

If you’re miserable why go to a club at all?

Have a night off and look after yourself.

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By *heaspieswinger OP   Man
over a year ago

Peak District


"When some people are depressed they subconsciously or sometimes even deliberately set up situations which will add to their misery in a kind of hopeless “I told you so” kind of way.

If you’re miserable why go to a club at all?

Have a night off and look after yourself.

"

Yeah, I’m not that kind of person. I’m a functioning miserable bastard Certainly not an “I told you so” kind of guy

For me, going out (club, restaurant, or wherever) IS a night off It’s difficult to explain - even Mrs doesn’t get it, and we’ve been together for 13 years!

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By *9alMan
over a year ago

Bridgend

I hope your Mrs enjoys herself at the club if you have decided to feel miserable I am Shure you will but can anyone else help?

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By *herrybakewellCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

I'd be putting the swing clubs on hold for time being until your in a better place.

The last thing you need now is a bad experience that puts you in a worse position mentally.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

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By *heaspieswinger OP   Man
over a year ago

Peak District


"I hope your Mrs enjoys herself at the club if you have decided to feel miserable I am Shure you will but can anyone else help? "

Excuse me?! “decided to feel miserable”?!

Chronic depression isn’t a choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So…

I (Mr) am going through a really rough time mentally at the moment. I’m in a really bad place. But I’m used to it as I suffer from persistent depressive disorder. I’m also suffering with really bad heel pain at the moment, and sometimes struggling to walk.

We’re off out to a club tomorrow, and I’m expecting to be utterly not up for playing (or physically be able to either.) So I’ve said to Mrs that, although it’s usually beyond our boundaries, if she wants to play with anybody I’m happy to support her decision although I probably won’t be involved. The exceptional circumstances are the reason we’ve discussed this. She hasn’t expressed an opinion either way (though knowing her she’ll be off enjoying herself as soon as the opportunity presents )

What I’m expecting is that if it happens she’ll go and play and I’ll stay sitting downstairs on the sofas, resting my broken feet and brain.

But we’ve never properly played separately, especially not when it’s one-sided.

For those that do play separately, any advice for the first time?"

DONT DO THIS. THIS IS THE WRONG TIME FOR YOU. Lots of people plat separately but doing in your current state can only lead to an even worse place for you full of pain.....

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

Wherever I lay my hat

DO. NOT. GO. THERE

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I absolutely get where you’re all coming from, but honestly I’m fine. We’ve sort of played separately before (adjoining rooms in the club with an open doorway) and that went pretty good We’ve also talked about possibly playing separately but in the same vicinity previously.

Neither of us have ever experienced jealousy at all while swinging (or during any other time in our relationship for that matter ) so we’re not concerned about that either. We’re also great at communicating with each other, so we both understand that if anything does happen either of us can put a stop to it with a simple word, with no repercussions.

And we’ve got friends at the club, so I won’t be sat all billy-no-mates twiddling my thumbs wondering if she’s airtight or anything hehe

I’m not really concerned about my mental health (I’m used to feeling this way from time to time and it’s never stopped us swinging )

But it’s unfair for my current state to stop her from enjoying herself "

I literally just watched something on YT similar to this.

Relationships are built on more than just sex and I'm 100% sure that your F sees your relationship as more than that.

You not being upto sexy time isn't 'unfair' on her, you have every right to have on/off times the same as everyone else.

I think you should wait until you feel 100% cause since you're doubtful there's a risk that this could make you feel worse x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I hope your Mrs enjoys herself at the club if you have decided to feel miserable I am Shure you will but can anyone else help? "

Do you really think depression is equal to 'deciding to feel miserable' ???

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By *heaspieswinger OP   Man
over a year ago

Peak District

Well, we went to the club. But it was so busy we only ended up playing with each other (As was the case with almost everyone else who played. Some nights that’s just the way it is.)

But I’d have been ok if she’d played with others.

Not a bad night

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