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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hello everyone,

I'm not sure how to approach this woman I have met up with.

We met up the other day for a social and it went well.

We were going to attend the club pleasures this Saturday evening.

But she's told me this afternoon she may not be able to go because she's skint after some big bills this week.

She seems embarrassed and depressed about it when talking on the phone to her.

I have offered to take her out to dinner as a treat instead but it made her even more sad and embarrassed.

She still does seem genuinely interested in meeting me again.

I am taking it with a pinch of salt aswell as I don't know her so perhaps could be getting cold feet?

I'm not really sure how to approach this.

Jake.

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By *oulou0974Woman
over a year ago

Inverness

Could be genuinely skint or could be just looking to get money from you. Be wary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be supportive.

Be a gentleman.

Taking her out for dinner ‘as a treat’ comes across as patronising. She sounds like she has pride. Don’t take that from her.

If she’s using her finances as an excuse, and she doesn’t want to see you, so what? You’ll find out eventually.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Could be genuinely skint or could be just looking to get money from you. Be wary."

Thanks for the reply.

I am wary especially because I don't know her.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Be supportive.

Be a gentleman.

Taking her out for dinner ‘as a treat’ comes across as patronising. She sounds like she has pride. Don’t take that from her.

If she’s using her finances as an excuse, and she doesn’t want to see you, so what? You’ll find out eventually."

From what I've been told, She used to be independent running her own business and look after two kids.

Which isn't easy so she sounds like she has pride.

So If I have patronised her I really didn't mean it that way.

And if she is using that as an excuse to not see me again, I wouldn't mind and just move on.

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By *layTimeEssexCouple
over a year ago

Stansted


"Hello everyone,

I'm not sure how to approach this woman I have met up with.

We met up the other day for a social and it went well.

We were going to attend the club pleasures this Saturday evening.

But she's told me this afternoon she may not be able to go because she's skint after some big bills this week.

She seems embarrassed and depressed about it when talking on the phone to her.

I have offered to take her out to dinner as a treat instead but it made her even more sad and embarrassed.

She still does seem genuinely interested in meeting me again.

I am taking it with a pinch of salt aswell as I don't know her so perhaps could be getting cold feet?

I'm not really sure how to approach this.

Jake. "

Why not offer to pay for the club? Seems better than offering dinner especially "as a treat" which doesn't sound like best phrase in the circumstances. If she doesn't want to go to the club even if you pay then good chance using money as an excuse.

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By *tockport 69Couple
over a year ago

Stockport

Monny .monny.monny get rid

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Why not offer to pay for the club? Seems better than offering dinner especially "as a treat" which doesn't sound like best phrase in the circumstances. If she doesn't want to go to the club even if you pay then good chance using money as an excuse. "

Yeah I realise It wasn't the best phrase to use in these circumstances. I'll offer the club and see what she says.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Monny .monny.monny get rid"

Do you Think so?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Speak to her. Say you weren't being patronising just friendly because you enjoy her company but you realise you worded it badlt. Offer to do something that doesn't cost money e.g. go for a walk and if she turns that down you have your answer.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Also I would disagree about offering to pay for her to go to the club.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Speak to her. Say you weren't being patronising just friendly because you enjoy her company but you realise you worded it badlt. Offer to do something that doesn't cost money e.g. go for a walk and if she turns that down you have your answer."

Thanks for replying, I have sent a message that I didn't mean to patronise and that we could do something else instead.

So I'll see what she says.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

How much does it cost for a woman to go to Pleasures ?

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By *thfloorCouple
over a year ago

Hove


"Speak to her. Say you weren't being patronising just friendly because you enjoy her company but you realise you worded it badlt. Offer to do something that doesn't cost money e.g. go for a walk and if she turns that down you have your answer."

Bang on as usual, that's what I thought exactly, a coffee or drink that you could easily buy for someone without them getting indebted to you like offering a full meal or a trip to a club. Problem is if she has two kids even getting away for an evening can be quite the layout (hopefully they're school age ha!). The no/low price outing is a litmus test cos if she wants to meet with you OP she can take this offer, it's basic, but if she's not interested or looking to mine your resources she won't. Though pretty cynical of poster above to suggest the mere mention of financial difficulties is an attempt to use you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Speak to her. Say you weren't being patronising just friendly because you enjoy her company but you realise you worded it badlt. Offer to do something that doesn't cost money e.g. go for a walk and if she turns that down you have your answer.

Bang on as usual, that's what I thought exactly, a coffee or drink that you could easily buy for someone without them getting indebted to you like offering a full meal or a trip to a club. Problem is if she has two kids even getting away for an evening can be quite the layout (hopefully they're school age ha!). The no/low price outing is a litmus test cos if she wants to meet with you OP she can take this offer, it's basic, but if she's not interested or looking to mine your resources she won't. Though pretty cynical of poster above to suggest the mere mention of financial difficulties is an attempt to use you."

This. Dates don't have to cost money. A walk in the park for a chat is free.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

A very difficult situation when you have a finance mismatch and you don't know each other well or its a very causal arrangement. No body likes to feel in someone's pocket. I totally get the being ok paying for everything but I dont think thats a nice feeling for her. My advice would be listen to what she wants to do. Although I totally get you want have time with her. Go at her speed. Whether it is finances or cold feet you'll get your answer in due course. Just let her know your there when she is ready. Naturally anyone decent wouldn't want you to miss out just because of their situation so I assume she would still be cool with you going out and enjoying yourself? Shame to scupper your club plans, especially if it turns out to be cold feet.

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