FabSwingers.com forum: Saying you’re not into something

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A bit of a moan I suppose…. Sorry!

I just can’t understand why there’s an attitude around certain sex acts which mean men feel it’s ok to tell me: “it’d be fine with me” “you’d like it if I did it” “well I’ll be gentle” or “I can do it properly”.

There’s lots of positives to this site, but that’s my absolute worst thing.

Imagine if I asked a man if he liked pegging, he said no, and I said “well I’ll be gentle with you” or “well it’d be good with me.”

I find it absolutely maddening. They’re literally telling me they don’t respect me and my boundaries… and then are surprised when I pull them up on it or say I don’t want to meet. I can’t imagine thinking it’s ok to respond like that.

Anyone else find themselves having this conversation, and about what?

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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

Yup... Guys I have spoken to, who know I don't want anything physical with them as I have told them I don't fancy them and have never has that type of "chat", not knowing them massively well and them still, constantly hinting or out right telling me what they would like to do to/with me, sexually... Stop that! It's creepy and massively inappropriate! I have cut off more than a few guys for this

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By *mber and FireCouple
over a year ago

Carmarthenshire

"That's a shame." For who? Not for me!

- L

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I find I get it specifically for not enjoying anal and not squirting. Those ironically are the first two things EVERY man asks for.

Good for people who do enjoy it, it’s just not for me.

And yes. I have tried it.

Yes, more than once.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/10/22 22:25:23]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

""That's a shame." For who? Not for me!

- L"

Shame we won’t be meeting yes. Hahah

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

we have had this conversation with men and women about oral sex and kissing.

We simply don't meet, nobody has ever tried to persuade me in person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find I get it specifically for not enjoying anal and not squirting. Those ironically are the first two things EVERY man asks for.

Good for people who do enjoy it, it’s just not for me.

And yes. I have tried it.

Yes, more than once.

I’m the same, I don’t like either act and men seem obsessed with them!

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By *ize_Queen_DeenWoman
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Imagine if I asked a man if he liked pegging, he said no, and I said “well I’ll be gentle with you” or “well it’d be good with me.” "

That’s exactly what you should reply with

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

OP it’s definitely not a moan it’s really important. First of all it’s called a preference for a reason and secondly it’s called consent! Anyone who doesn’t get that and thinks every person is a porn-star style doll from their favourite video has no place here. Keep on being you with your own likes, dislikes and absolute hard limits. That is the only way to be xx

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"I find I get it specifically for not enjoying anal and not squirting. Those ironically are the first two things EVERY man asks for.

Good for people who do enjoy it, it’s just not for me.

And yes. I have tried it.

Yes, more than once.

I was recently asked in another thread about favourite and least favourite, giving anal was my least. So you can count me off the list of all men. Favourite was fucklicking though, so that might go against me instead.

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By *r TonguetasticMan
over a year ago

North Essex

"I find I get it specifically for not enjoying anal and not squirting. Those ironically are the first two things EVERY man asks for.

Good for people who do enjoy it, it’s just not for me.

And yes. I have tried it

Yes, more than once.

"
I must be a bit strange then!

Because I have absolutely no interest in anal, tried it like you, but not fun, particularly if you are girthy, and just don't get the obsession with squirting, seen pics of finger blasting and it just looks painful!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, yes... Up da bum! Or fuck your mouth, spunk in your eye... I tend to find they're most game if long term married, and haven't actually interacted with in a woman in a very long time

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I've not met anyone who has tried to persuade me to do anything I don't enjoy

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

Everyday. Absolutely bloody everyday.

“If you don’t like BDSM it’s because you’ve not done it right” “you need a good Dom”

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

Yes it happens a lot OP but it comes under preferences. The only problem is if you have a preference on Fab then somehow you are wrong and need to be persuaded otherwise. You see it on the forums too.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Ha, nature of the beast on here unfortunately. One My Girl often gets is being told they can make her Sqirt, guaranteed! Not that she doesn't, more that we know most me can't and someone who comes out with such a claim is automatically just the sort of guy who can't. Mainly because he's already put her back up and blasting away with a bit of junior hacksaw action doesn't work for everyone.

Still frustrating as it is its also a helpful aid in the filtration process

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

It's so infuriating, I'm not into anal if anyone tried to push it it's an instant turn off.

As someone said above if I was to want to peg a man and he wasn't interested I don't think he'd take to kindly to "I'll go slow" "it'll be ok with me" "I'll just put the tip in" just find someone else.....

Anyone who thinks it's ok to pressure anyone into anything isn't for me.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This! Some men automatically think women love anal - I used to love it and no I simply don't like it. I get the whole 'ill be gentle'. 'You've not had the right dick' and 'you just had a bad time before' lines all the time and some even automatically think anal is a given. When I say no, I don't do anal they're like are you sure?!

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By *asques and boxersCouple
over a year ago

Ashford and dept16

"Yes it happens a lot OP but it comes under preferences. The only problem is if you have a preference on Fab then somehow you are wrong and need to be persuaded otherwise. You see it on the forums too."

It does happen a lot both to blokes as well as ladies! Some even try to change your preferences during meetings simply say no thanks and good bye, move on we do.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

Funnily enough was thinking about this exact thing earlier. Definitely good for filtering, but this is important to talk about openly because it's not okay!

DP is a big one I get - I have the remnants of a condition which means penetration is not always easy, and they just laugh off my insistence that I wouldn't be looking for two live cocks lol.

It's almost as though they see limits as a challenge....a very poor and dangerous mindset!! - Xeno

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Everyday. Absolutely bloody everyday.

“If you don’t like BDSM it’s because you’ve not done it right” “you need a good Dom”

Well they clearly aren't then

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

I get this all the time about guys giving me oral, oh I bet you'll enjoy it with me, it's my favourite part of a meet, that's fine just pass me by then because I'm definitely not interested

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We do get a lot of contact from people whose profile states that oral and kissing are very important and couples who say that the woman is very bi and loves playing with women.

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By *r and Mrs B xxCouple
over a year ago

Chippenham

"I find I get it specifically for not enjoying anal and not squirting. Those ironically are the first two things EVERY man asks for.

Good for people who do enjoy it, it’s just not for me.

Totally agree with you, I don't enjoy anal and make sure than any guy knows and understands that. But still guys have to attemp it. When I have asked if they want a dildo or even a finger or 2 shoved up their ass that's a very different thing.

And yes. I have tried it.

Yes, more than once.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I think that there are some who immediately MUST have what someone is disinclined to.

The age-old, you've not had tge man/dom/size etc is just their creepy way of assuming their pressure will break us down.

Worse still are those like this, who keep quiet after raising it, intending to spring it on us, when they get to meet with us.

At least those who make themselves explicitly a bad match, make it easier for us to end all interaction early enough

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

It's nice of them to filter themselves out. Anyone who can't respect your boundaries and preference goes straight in the bin. Massive red flag

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’m sad it’s happening all over fab, but glad it’s not just me that feels that way.

Just fyi, I don’t have anal listed on my interests. And yet…. Asked by almost every person who messages.

Most of these convos filter men out of a real meet. But I’ve had men try to pressure me into not using condoms after Explicitly saying it’s a must in messages - reminding them to bring some / saying I have some etc.

I just don’t believe anyone should be acquiescing and doing things they don’t want to do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think that there are some who immediately MUST have what someone is disinclined to. "

I think that’s very interesting. The virgin whore dichotomy lol

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"We do get a lot of contact from people whose profile states that oral and kissing are very important and couples who say that the woman is very bi and loves playing with women.

Same as you Mrs nice ,I'm straight and on our couple profile we've had similar .No pics of the man and she loves playing with women,err well you're barking up the wrong tree with me I'm afraid.

We spoke to a couple a while back,established I'm straight & they said they were ok to play straight. A few messages later they were implying she would happy to be my first for girly play .

Block as that isn't what we want or offer.

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

taunton somerset

its a reason i tick no interest boxes because the moment you do then its a must do .. erm no i do with whom i wish to do things with ie no chance every guy get to do anal thats only for trusted and regular and the same goes for alot of other kinks too also if i dont want to do something i wont and dont if they push that via message or for real then its buy bye and block ..

im very openminded but only with the right guys and there are very few of them around ...cant stand pushy guys they are the worse of the worse at times

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"A bit of a moan I suppose…. Sorry!

There’s lots of positives to this site, but that’s my absolute worst thing.

Imagine if I asked a man if he liked pegging, he said no, and I said “well I’ll be gentle with you” or “well it’d be good with me.”

Anyone else find themselves having this conversation, and about what? "

Good on you for sticking to your boundaries. Shame on others who want you to do things you are not into sexually. You respect yourself. They don't respect you.

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"A bit of a moan I suppose…. Sorry!

There’s lots of positives to this site, but that’s my absolute worst thing.

Imagine if I asked a man if he liked pegging, he said no, and I said “well I’ll be gentle with you” or “well it’d be good with me.”

Anyone else find themselves having this conversation, and about what? "

Personally, before a meet I like to know what turns a woman on and off sexually. Then I know to do what she likes and what not to do to piss her off.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

[Removed by poster at 13/10/22 08:35:09]

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"Everyday. Absolutely bloody everyday.

“If you don’t like BDSM it’s because you’ve not done it right” “you need a good Dom”

Usually said by a dim-dom wearing all the usual d-d gear, leather waistcoat, leather trousers and a utility belt with a load of (unused) Alibaba accessories hanging off it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get this all the time. I don't cum from oral. I enjoy it very much and will never turn it down but I simply do not orgasm from it. Simple as that.

But it's always "wait til I get at you" type of response. Very annoying and off putting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A bit of a moan I suppose…. Sorry!

There’s lots of positives to this site, but that’s my absolute worst thing.

Imagine if I asked a man if he liked pegging, he said no, and I said “well I’ll be gentle with you” or “well it’d be good with me.”

Anyone else find themselves having this conversation, and about what? "

That’s a selfish pushy .

100% not give a damn about the women .

Is very wrong .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, yes... Up da bum! Or fuck your mouth, spunk in your eye... I tend to find they're most game if long term married, and haven't actually interacted with in a woman in a very long time "

Or that or wife doesn’t do the freaky things he would love too .

And she doesn’t have too .

If is not happy maybe should let her be free to find someone who would match her better .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A eye opener this thread …

I mean , I’m new on fabs , I came from the dating app . There I am aware of how bad women are treated at home and in dating app .

But here I didn’t knew yet how rude men treat women …

They should respect you ladies and apretiate the fact that you are here and make all this possible …

Respect x x

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By *sexyHCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

"A bit of a moan I suppose…. Sorry!

There’s lots of positives to this site, but that’s my absolute worst thing.

Imagine if I asked a man if he liked pegging, he said no, and I said “well I’ll be gentle with you” or “well it’d be good with me.”

Anyone else find themselves having this conversation, and about what? "
.

So true some men are so pushy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's nice of them to filter themselves out. Anyone who can't respect your boundaries and preference goes straight in the bin. Massive red flag "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not this site's fault. It doesn't only happen on here. Fab aren't babysitters.

The disrespectful people are at fault.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"I’m sad it’s happening all over fab, but glad it’s not just me that feels that way.

Just fyi, I don’t have anal listed on my interests. And yet…. Asked by almost every person who messages.

I just don’t believe anyone should be acquiescing and doing things they don’t want to do. "

It's sad it's happening to many women in everyday life.

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