FabSwingers.com forum: Club related shyness

By *llaandG OP Couple
over a year ago

London

Hey, apologies for the slightly newbie question but Ella and I were talking the other day about how we find it a bit tricky to talk to other couples in clubs.

We're naturally pretty outgoing but for some reason we go all shrinking violet in that space!

We're still finding our feet and aren't looking to dive into playing with others at clubs but want to be able to socialise better.

Does anyone else find it tricky to chat in clubs? And if anyone sees us lurking please come and say hello!

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By *herrybakewellCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

I know exactly what you mean.

We're not shy people but walking in a club (Townhouse) it's like we can't talk.

We've very new to the scene and are finding our feet still.

We're going to a Townhouse event next weekend that we hope might help us as its like a social event with benefits later in the night.

If anyone has any tips please feel free to share them for all us newbies.

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By *eandmrsjones69Couple
over a year ago

Middle England

We tend to be the same. I think the best thing has been not forcing a conversation but just finding an opportunity. eg, comment on what wearing or chat at the bar, how many times have you been here etc.

I don't think it's any different to most social settings (minus the sex of course)!

Everybody there is there for a good time so just use common sense and your usual social skills and I'm' sure you'll be fine.

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Message others that are going get chatting then arrange to say hi on the night

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By *sh8286Couple
over a year ago

Guildford

We had some very kind people offer to catch up with us at clubs the first few times and just starting to chat with anyone helps you settle in. Maybe post in the meets section when you are going and others can respond if they are going and arrange to catch up with you. Abfabs is very friendly if you go there.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I find it easiest to chat to people in the jacuzzi

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

In our experience, the more you go to a club the less shy you'll be. If you go for walks around the club, you'll maybe see who may be up for a chat. Some people will return a smile, unfortunately some will scowl. It takes one person to say hello first, or pay a compliment and see how it's received. You can generally tell by facial expressions and body language who may be up for a chat. Good luck.

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By *urious_couple_ukCouple
over a year ago

South Cambs

"Message others that are going get chatting then arrange to say hi on the night"

This absolutely helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

whenever I've been as a couple I'm normally overly chatty but as a single guy walking up to couples or women can be nerve racking so I sometimes just get chatting to other guys or people I wouldn't normally want to play with as it's much less intimidating talking to people who aren't getting you hard!

find this often adds others to the conversation making it much more natural rather than forcing your way through the awkwardness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Message others that are going get chatting then arrange to say hi on the night

This absolutely helps."

Agreed, we had our first club visit Saturday but went with two other couples that hadn’t been before either, had a great laugh and wasn’t awkward in any way at all. Went and played on our own before another couple joined us which was amazing

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

It's the opposite of that technique where they say "imagine they are naked"

Except you imagine them with ordinary clothes and they are just Janet & Nigel from down the pub.

Sure, Janet may be talking to you whilst being pounded on all 4s by a fucking machine and Nigel might be getting his cock sucked my Janet at the same time, but they are still just people.

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

taunton somerset

i remember that feeling of me n hubs going to our first club we were terrified but once we were in that all went away quite quick as we were made to feel very welcome by most ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i remember that feeling of me n hubs going to our first club we were terrified but once we were in that all went away quite quick as we were made to feel very welcome by most ..

Yep exactly this for us Saturday just gone x

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By *herrybakewellCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

Some great advice.....just what we needed. We've been to a couple of meets now but end up feeling to nervous to start conversation.

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

I was part of a couple on here , we found it very tricky talking to couples in clubs, the underlying thought whilst chatting , do we like them enough to play , never mind finding a couple you both like the look of.

Also making small talk ...well it's a bit of an art and you need to have a certain tolerance level...

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By *llaandG OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"I was part of a couple on here , we found it very tricky talking to couples in clubs, the underlying thought whilst chatting , do we like them enough to play , never mind finding a couple you both like the look of "

This really resonates with me - both of us are naturally friendly but I usually have an eye on this too (both ways!)

Ella

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By *isAdventure69Woman
over a year ago

Hampshire

"Message others that are going get chatting then arrange to say hi on the night

This absolutely helps."

Yes to this !

Prior to attending a club I always post in the meet section inviting other attendees to get in touch .

My first venture into swinging involved meeting with several “experienced” couples at a club, they made everything so chilled and “comfortable” and somewhat easy …

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

"Message others that are going get chatting then arrange to say hi on the night

This absolutely helps.

Yes to this !

Prior to attending a club I always post in the meet section inviting other attendees to get in touch .

My first venture into swinging involved meeting with several “experienced” couples at a club, they made everything so chilled and “comfortable” and somewhat easy …

Me too I allways see who is going

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By *ain and sortedMan
over a year ago

Old Harlow Essex

I always try to smile, say hello to who ever, compliment someone on their attire or looks, use the classic line so do you cum here often haha, as a general contributor to hmrc coffers,chatting at the bar or smoking area always seems to entwain people with bad habits. Well it is a swingers club after all, haha x

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By *ain and sortedMan
over a year ago

Old Harlow Essex

No drinking or smoking in the jacuzzi of course rules we can't break x

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By *ontWannaMissASwingCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Same here. We are planning on going to Xtasia on Saturday and it's our first trip to a club in years, as we took a break, and will also be the 2nd time we have ever been to a club. Hoping nerves don't get the better of me, although it's a fancy dress night so that should be a good way to strike up some conversations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been thinking of going to my local club - Gems - for a while, but get anxious going and not knowing anyone there. Not that good at striking up conversations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to find a compliment on someone’s outfit is a lovely ice breaker. Just talk to people normally, or go the other way ask them about how they got into this and listen to the fun stories

Or in some places (like townhouse), if you tell the hosts/regulars know you are new and a bit shy (in clubs) they will introduce you to other regulars.

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By *iberatedduoCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne

"I tend to find a compliment on someone’s outfit is a lovely ice breaker. Just talk to people normally, or go the other way ask them about how they got into this and listen to the fun stories

Or in some places (like townhouse), if you tell the hosts/regulars know you are new and a bit shy (in clubs) they will introduce you to other regulars. "

Complimenting an outfit is a great idea but from a male point of view I would be concerned that that could be seen as a sign I am hitting on them when I might just be making conversation.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"Hey, apologies for the slightly newbie question but Ella and I were talking the other day about how we find it a bit tricky to talk to other couples in clubs.

We're naturally pretty outgoing but for some reason we go all shrinking violet in that space!

We're still finding our feet and aren't looking to dive into playing with others at clubs but want to be able to socialise better.

Does anyone else find it tricky to chat in clubs? And if anyone sees us lurking please come and say hello!

We did our first club night friday. We were the same as you were. Lucky we seen friends there who showed us around the place. Think most of us are in the same boat when first attending clubs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have the same concerns, Im going to club29 on wednesday and when around new people i tend to go quiet, i fear i may just end up sitting in corner somewhere.

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By *ookie_and_NookieCouple
over a year ago

Kent

We find it really difficult! We’re not introvert or shy at all but we don’t do the whole club and pub thing (other than sex clubs haha!) and aren’t use to socialising like that, it’s also sizing one another up which is awkward. I always tell myself I just need to be myself and if we get along then great, if we don’t then they aren’t for us and that’s fine. I think the best thing about the club environment (aside from the obvious!) is that we’re all there for the same reasons and for most of us, that’s a side of our lives we keep secret and apart from everything and everyone else so it is very freeing and liberating to be able to have those conversations with actual, real people.

C x

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By *ookie_and_NookieCouple
over a year ago

Kent

"Message others that are going get chatting then arrange to say hi on the night"

We’re taking this approach now.

C x

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By *andy and DannyCouple
over a year ago

Barnstaple

"In our experience, the more you go to a club the less shy you'll be. If you go for walks around the club, you'll maybe see who may be up for a chat. Some people will return a smile, unfortunately some will scowl. It takes one person to say hello first, or pay a compliment and see how it's received. You can generally tell by facial expressions and body language who may be up for a chat. Good luck."
do couple's try to ignore other couple's that they don't fancy in an attempt to not have to say no thanks face to face an hour later ? Dan

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By *weet and SpiceCouple
over a year ago

Around the Midlands

We're so chatty in clubs, sometimes so much so that we end up doing nothing all night apart from socialising (which we're still happy with as we find it's been a great night regardless)

We do not mind introducing people to others...makes for a friendlier environment.

Smiles, outfit compliments or just a general hello all seem to work.

Good luck OP

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By *ohn1953Man
over a year ago

North Wales

"Hey, apologies for the slightly newbie question but Ella and I were talking the other day about how we find it a bit tricky to talk to other couples in clubs.

We're naturally pretty outgoing but for some reason we go all shrinking violet in that space!

We're still finding our feet and aren't looking to dive into playing with others at clubs but want to be able to socialise better.

Does anyone else find it tricky to chat in clubs? And if anyone sees us lurking please come and say hello!

I think anyone who goes to a club especially the first few times are shy and nervous, if I was in a club and I see a couple who look nervous and sitting on their own I will walk across to have a chat with them and it’s not about hoping I get a chance to play it’s about making that couple feel more relaxed. And most are really great full of me doing that. But I seen lots of couples that just go and watch others playing if others are playing on the open beds then they will go to a private room on their own and have fun after being turn on watching others . That’s what I like of clubs you can do what ever, wether it’s playing with others or playing alone. John

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can be very difficult esp

As Single man paying the largest fee

Id go early daytimes or suitable

Reaching out easy as possible, comfortably,,

Theres

Not much to conversating but your own likes & life sights Easy

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By *iddle ManMan
over a year ago

Walsall

Yes, I whole heartedly agree. I've always said it. The whole club scene is a different vibe to regular clubs or pubs. I know it shouldn't be, but some find it difficult. Im a pretty confident person and love to chat to anyone but in a club I do find it harder, maybe as sometimes you do get shutdown often as there is a feeling too much talk and banter may give off the wrong impression.

I find myself talking to other guys more than couples and women. Of course I'm not grouping everyone here as there are and have been some very accommodating couple and some laughs with women.

The struggle and shyness is real.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suffer from depression and anxiety tend go if know someone who is going is there

but at same time if they have dj and music is really loud find it hard to talk people do not fan of shouting also if talking to women then she's part of couple and asking to play i still find that a tad hard as like to respect the male half as it is his wife/partner

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By *andSCouple
over a year ago

Old London Town

"We find it really difficult! We’re not introvert or shy at all but we don’t do the whole club and pub thing (other than sex clubs haha!) and aren’t use to socialising like that, it’s also sizing one another up which is awkward. I always tell myself I just need to be myself and if we get along then great, if we don’t then they aren’t for us and that’s fine. I think the best thing about the club environment (aside from the obvious!) is that we’re all there for the same reasons and for most of us, that’s a side of our lives we keep secret and apart from everything and everyone else so it is very freeing and liberating to be able to have those conversations with actual, real people.

C x"

We don't find it easy to talk to people in a new club either.

But we don't just try to talk to people that we might want to play with. We try to talk with people we think will be interesting.

We've learnt so much from people we haven't played with, and maybe never will.

The social side really is important to us as it's helped us to challenge ourselves.

Sometimes it's worked out that we've found great playmates by chatting too, but it's often not the reason to strike up the initial conversation.

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

Since finding my couple, that I am now exclusive with unless they personally consent, I feel I can more easily and confidently speak to anyone in the club. All the pressure is off and the focus is back on being just someone I can just chat to as a person. If the conversation moves around to play, then fine.

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