FabSwingers.com forum: Jealousy

By *enj08475 OP Man
over a year ago

brighton

Hi whilst sharing wife is our fantasy we haven't got a clue how likely we are to experience jealousy. Welcome advice from others about how common jealousy is for them and how was it the first time?

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By *enithWoman
over a year ago

closer than you think

You need to agree beforehand that if either of you feel uncomfortable at any stage, you bring play to a stop. Obviously you have made your “extra” aware that this is your 1st time and they are happy with the situation if play is halted.

After the event you need to discuss how you felt, honesty is a big part of swinging.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We've never experienced jealousy, Not sure why maybe it's because we approach this as a couple sharing an experience rather than as individuals. Other people say they do experience jealousy so I guess everyone's different

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By *risky FoxesCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle Emlyn/Stourport

This was my biggest fear going into this. You just have to keep communicating with your partner. We always have a “ debrief” afterwards. Things do come up and it’s never what you think will bother you. And you’ll get to a point where you can look over at your partner and watch them come apart and it’s a huge turn on because you’re sharing

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"Hi whilst sharing wife is our fantasy we haven't got a clue how likely we are to experience jealousy. Welcome advice from others about how common jealousy is for them and how was it the first time?"

We were new to this scene completely, my hubby was very concerned as to how he would feel seeing me with another man, but when it haponed he found it a massive turn on. But communication is key.

You must both be 100% in it and sure you want to share each other, it won't unless your both happy with it. Set boundaries if you have any make sure your other party's know about them, have a safe word so that if anything happens your not happy with then you know at any point either of you can use it, also decide what is to happen if that date word is used weather play stops or just voice your concern and keep on playing, either orange your other party aware of this. Tell each other openly and honestly about what your looking for in a person and most important make sure you have time together after the event to talk about it.

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By *uv2kissMan
over a year ago

fenland

As the 3rd in a mmf meet I have had a brilliant time as well as the lady burst into tears, I've also had the hubby suddenly pull the lady away.

What I can say is that communication is key not only beforehand and agree what you want but more importantly what you don't want.

Sometimes in the heat of the moment boundaries get pushed and as the 3rd I do need to know those boundaries so I don't push them.

Talk afterwards as well just the 2 of you, talk openly and honestly.

Lastly you will be surprised if jealousy does rear it's head what made you jealous its never what you think it might be.

Just one example a couple first meet the wife and I kissed for ages and although the hubby was just stroking his cock and enjoying the show on the second meet I was told not to kiss her, but not because they wanted it for themselves he wanted to get to the intercourse quicker so he could be next

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication is key and if you get it right then it’s amazing.

If she doesn’t get jealous when she sees you’ve been here a year looking for singles then you only need to see how you react then when you’re sat in a chair watching her being spit roasted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As everyone said, just really talk about it.

Thankfully for us the first time was great. No jealousy at all and it was far more enjoyable than we imagined.

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By *ensual 2Couple
over a year ago

Blackpool

Suppose it depends on your relationship and trust between….. we chat about it all before and after a hook up which is a big turn on for us .. no jealousy here it just makes us closer

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

My personal opinion is that if you are beset by doubt about something that's not mandatory, don't do it.

Go to a club,watch other people, have sex with each other...get your kicks by being in the erotic atmosphere with all the fun and none of the risk

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By *ikesEmBigMan
over a year ago

Herts

I've caused a few arguments. Make sure you're clear with what you both want

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’ve posted this and similar threads loads in the past. Why haven’t you set up a couples profile yet?

Was your wife jealous when you got verified on a swinging site as a single man?

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

You might want to pick up The Jealousy Workbook. I can't remember the author, I'm afraid, but it's on amazon.

I don't get jealous because I love Alice receiving pleasure. Maybe start with her going for a massage and then later telling you all about how good it felt.

If that gjves you any pangs of jealosy, then you know you need to slow things down.

Or go for a drink together and see how you feel to watch her flirt with others, or vice-versa.

You can always start with just snogging others and seeing how that feels.

There's no rule saying what you must do, or how soon. Just figure out your reasons for doing it and enjoy it.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"...get your kicks by being in the erotic atmosphere with all the fun and none of the risk"

Great answer.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Also I think if this is hard work before you've even started then it's not going to be an enjoyable experience. I had all sorts of questions before we started out, we talked about them, sorted them out between ourselves and gave it a go.

How many people do you need to say they felt no jealousy before you're reassured?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be open and upfront with each other and don't keep things from each other. You know, like a reasonably stable couple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone's different. If you are a naturally jealous person, then I'd suggest this might not be for you.

Think how you feel when out and about and someone flirts with your partner. How do you feel then and afterwards?

You could both try a nudist beach or club. Consider how you feel when others admire your partner.

Why not visit a club. There is no requirement to play with others, or allow them to play with either of you. (you can just play on your own and allow others to watch or not play at all, just watch) consider then how you both feel and whether jealously raises its head.

If you're still keen to try, perhaps try invite a someone to come and watch first and as your confidence grows join in (just set limits beforehand).

If you're then keen to try it with a couple, do it in stages (most couples will empathise with you. They will have had reservations their first time) Perhaps just try same room sex, then a soft swap, then hard swap. Just remember to discuss limits beforehand.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

OP... to be brually honest I don't think swinging is for you as a couple.

It requires honesty and trust - you have had a single male profile for many months, with no mention of your wife/partner on it, which suggests she is unaware of it.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Be open and upfront with each other and don't keep things from each other. You know, like a reasonably stable couple."

Wise words

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By *umagain58Man
over a year ago

London

Met a new couple at party while back. Hub had been very keen to get his wife to swinger party and she bit reluctant. He had been with a few of the ladies there but when it was her turn he didn’t like. Arrogant guy who thought he could do what he wanted but did not respect his wife. Best thing was I got her number.

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By *olden_Road_to_SamarkandMan
over a year ago

London

It can sometimes 'all get a bit weird' jealousy or not. Take a couple that are great and both engaged on a first meet, and then a second meet when she's not so engaged, and when asked what she'd like to try next replies - 'it's your fantasy' (to him), and 'it's his fantasy' (to me). A tad awkward, and I'm not sure that he has noticed. Clearly not a fun time being had by all, so best politely call it a night. At the end of the day a couple relationship can be tough at the best of times, but insert A N Other and the complexity can rachet up. I guess these more tricky times are the price we pay for the better times.

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By *umagain58Man
over a year ago

London

"It can sometimes 'all get a bit weird' jealousy or not. Take a couple that are great and both engaged on a first meet, and then a second meet when she's not so engaged, and when asked what she'd like to try next replies - 'it's your fantasy' (to him), and 'it's his fantasy' (to me). A tad awkward, and I'm not sure that he has noticed. Clearly not a fun time being had by all, so best politely call it a night. At the end of the day a couple relationship can be tough at the best of times, but insert A N Other and the complexity can rachet up. I guess these more tricky times are the price we pay for the better times."

Yes that was a bit like my meet with couple. Was much better when met up with the wife on my own as he did not judge

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

Wonder how common this really is?

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By *adja_lazloCouple
over a year ago

Solihull

"Hi whilst sharing wife is our fantasy we haven't got a clue how likely we are to experience jealousy. Welcome advice from others about how common jealousy is for them and how was it the first time?"

'we'? if you have a wife you should speak to her

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By *adja_lazloCouple
over a year ago

Solihull

"You’ve posted this and similar threads loads in the past. Why haven’t you set up a couples profile yet?

Was your wife jealous when you got verified on a swinging site as a single man? "

yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi whilst sharing wife is our fantasy we haven't got a clue how likely we are to experience jealousy. Welcome advice from others about how common jealousy is for them and how was it the first time?"

Be careful if you have worries. You may get jealous. Some guwy has wished for swinging but could not handle watching their wife being fucked.

If you have any doubts stop now.

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By *umagain58Man
over a year ago

London

"Hi whilst sharing wife is our fantasy we haven't got a clue how likely we are to experience jealousy. Welcome advice from others about how common jealousy is for them and how was it the first time?

Be careful if you have worries. You may get jealous. Some guwy has wished for swinging but could not handle watching their wife being fucked.

If you have any doubts stop now. "

Agree and works both ways. I have seen a new couple where hub went and fucked several wives at party. Then when his wife was with a guy he did not like it. He was controlling guy and arrogant. Thought it was for him to decide. He only bought his wife so could get into the party. Wife who hosted was furious with him

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By *enelope2UWoman
over a year ago

Fife

Jealousy will pop up when it's an individuals desire and not a joint desire. Why do you want to share watch etc. Is jealousy insecurity already present in everyday things? How do you already communicate? What do you each want to occur and why? What is your sexual styles that you like and would you want that to change in your partner.. have you spoken about how you'd handle changes if they occurred afterwards..

I like knowing I'm sharing with a girl what I get ANYTIME ANYWHERE ANYPLACE that's she's getting at that one moment because WE let her. If he's doing a wonder to her then I'm excited because I know what she's feeling because he's GREAT like that. And he enjoys seeing me with another guy for the exact reason.

My only jealous moment was two different types of guys one was dominant one was more soft romantic

sensual both guys were straight but that was my mfm threesome..guy 2 disliked watching me being roughed about and became jealous because that wasn't how I was with him. So we discussed it and I ended it with the 2nd guy because he suddenly wanted to mimic guy 1 when that wasn't how he naturally was.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"Hi whilst sharing wife is our fantasy we haven't got a clue how likely we are to experience jealousy. Welcome advice from others about how common jealousy is for them and how was it the first time?"

Actually to some extent I think your asking the wrong question. Where you need to focus your attention is regards communication and openness with your partner. For the record I don't subscribe to the school of thought that you can't get jealous and be a swinger. What's really important to me in my relationship is how we talk stuff through, rationalise things together and find the way forward so we can both fullfill our desires. We talk though everything and are totally honest with each other even when that honesty is hard (which it ofter is). And that works for us and we grow stronger yet more free.

Also jealousy is a odd thing it's very situational and timing dependent. As you grow and learn together you grow better at understanding each other and dealing with it.

However a say the above with the caveat that your both not jealousy types by nature and both committed to the same path.

Oh and another thing, don't be selfish, always put them first. If you not/don't this won't help you.

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