FabSwingers.com forum: Guilt tripping

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hello all,

Have you ever had a meet and then can't meet for while for whatever reasons, then you get guilt tripped by the other person for not meeting them?

I've had on a couple of occasions people having a whinge in messages about how they can't get other meets and that they want to meet me now, etc. I'm really not keen on meeting outdoors anymore due to the weather and I want something more substantial than a quickie. This is all these people can offer because they can't accommodate. I then get begged and pleaded to accom, but that's a no-go because the agreement between my husband and I is that I can play all I like, but I don't bring playmates to our house. I value the trust between me and my spouse more than a shag.

I'm not a performing monkey and I really wish this pressure wouldn't be put on me. There's other single women out there they could message, they could go clubs, etc.

I do say I'm sorry they can't get other meets but there's nothing I can do about it. To some it seems once you meet you have an obligation to service that person whenever they wish. Whatever happened to NSA?

That's my little moan for the day. A day late I guess, but wanted to get it out my system.

How would you deal with this situation? I'm too soft. I suppose I need to grow a spine and tell them that I'm not a performing animal to be summoned whenever they wish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your reasons for not meeting are genuine, then you have no reason to feel any guilt whatsoever !

The 'guilt tripping' would also put me right off actually wanting to meet that person at any time.

I can understand people being pee'd off if let down but guilt tripping the absent party is not really a great way of dealing with it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh, no meet is planned it's just in general. They guilt-trip me because I can't/won't meet with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh, no meet is planned it's just in general. They guilt-trip me because I can't/won't meet with them. "

Quite simple response to that - tell 'em to do one !

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sorry I didn't make myself clear in the original post. I meant I had met them once before, but then they want to meet again but I can't, so they guilt-trip me because they can't get other meets.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah I really ought to, but I'm too nice to put it like that.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

The moment I feel someone is trying to guilt me into a meet then its time for them to be off my 'to do' list. Joining this site does not give them free access to my body, and no-one should feel bad about situations which are not their fault.

Honest question to the OP. Why do you let them try to guilt trip you?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Sorry I didn't make myself clear in the original post. I meant I had met them once before, but then they want to meet again but I can't, so they guilt-trip me because they can't get other meets."

Thats their problem, not yours. Delete and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry I didn't make myself clear in the original post. I meant I had met them once before, but then they want to meet again but I can't, so they guilt-trip me because they can't get other meets."

Not your problem

Meeting once does not compel you to more meets

Some will to any lengths to get a meet / shag and if they think a little mental manipulation will work, well why not give it a try.

My response would still be the same - tell 'em to do one !

Or if you are feeling benevolent, tell them that when you can meet in an environment that suits YOU, you will be in touch

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks and yeah I'll do that. I just need to grow a thicker skin.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Put a note on your profile saying its too cold for outdoor meets so only if they can accom either at home or a hotel.

Then if anyone argues refer em back to your profile and don't put up with whinging.

I have noticed that it's usually the married/attached who get pathetic and try to bully me into letting them come to mine. They have a harder time getting meets and have their own guilt issues so push all that angst onto us. Females can always find another meet so remind them of that and don't let them get away with it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks and yeah I'll do that. I just need to grow a thicker skin.

"
Bussy's dead right on this one. If they try to give you a guilt complex, then it's time to ditch them. Hope you keep a separate mobile for swinging? Then you can just change SIM cards and get a new number (save your numbers to the phone, not the card of course so you don't loose those like I made the mistake once! Lol!)

Also interested in some of the words you use to describe your swinging - 'service'..??????

'Service' is what a prostitute does - not a swinger (well, not in my book). You are NOT providing a service - you are sharing an experience of recreational sex and there is a BIG difference....

I keep saying this - in swinging, you get back what you put out. Are you giving them the impression that they are getting 'a service'...?

Pork

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blimey, the instant anyone tried to make me feel like that they'd be blocked.

This place should be absolutely stress free

or else, what's the point?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Blimey, the instant anyone tried to make me feel like that they'd be blocked.

This place should be absolutely stress free

or else, what's the point?

Exactly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They would be told exactly where to go shortly before being blocked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with others don't let them make you feel bad.

We don't meet often so it can be many months between seeing my playmates. If they can't handle that then they aren't for me.

I have select few who I'm close to and who know I'm worth the wait. Any guy who winged about not being able to get orher meets and were desperate to see me would get blocked.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Hello all,

Have you ever had a meet and then can't meet for while for whatever reasons, then you get guilt tripped by the other person for not meeting them?

I'm not a performing monkey and I really wish this pressure wouldn't be put on me. There's other single women out there they could message, they could go clubs, etc.

That's my little moan for the day. A day late I guess, but wanted to get it out my system.

How would you deal with this situation? I'm too soft. I suppose I need to grow a spine and tell them that I'm not a performing animal to be summoned whenever they wish."

Your last sentence has answered your own question, there are some people men and women who have previously got what they wanted through sheer persistence and will try it again and again and a bloody gain. You owe them nothing and they at least owe you respect, just don't answer would be my solution because any contact from you at all makes them think they could be in with a chance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"just don't answer would be my solution because any contact from you at all makes them think they could be in with a chance."
Spot on. It's the same psychology as sales calls. If you engage in ANY conversation with them, it gives them a chance to keep you talking - and that goes for even saying 'No'.

You don't have to be nasty about saying 'No' - and you certainly don't have to say 'Sorry' either (the other word you used, OP, that bothered me), just stick to YOUR guns and be a little assertive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They have no right to try and pressure u into a meet by making you feel guilty, you seem like a lovely person. Anyone who made you feel like that really isn't worth meeting again. It's not a case of growing a spine, its a case of them being more thoughtful with their words imo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're not sure how to reply, simply don't reply. And if the messages get abusive or offensive, report to admin, block and delete.

As somebody said, even saying a simple no gives the other person the opportunity to engage in conversation.

Failing that, tell them if you meet them you'll have to charge them an extortionate amount of money - then watch the messages stop!!

(by the way, I'm joking!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell um TOUGH you meet when you want to meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

have had people make me feel guilty as well, when they were being too pushy.

which is stupid because if they get a better offer they wont think twice about letting you down, they either dont turn up or they make up some silly excuse at the last minite.

or they find other people to meet then there not interested in you anyway.

sometimes its better just to block them.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

We would just tell them to buggar off...

Why should you feel guilty just because they can't get any other meets!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's plenty of people on here I'd love to meet again/more often/once would be a bonus!!

But there's only one of me and one (or sometimes two!) of them - and short of winning the lottery we all have issues with time, work, family, accommodation, illness - the list goes on!

If meets can be arranged - great! But for whatever reason - if they can't then pressure or 'guilt tripping' from either party is bang out of order!

And I'm with Bussy on this - tell them to do one, block - and stick to those that are respectful and can accommodate!

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Guilt tripping - how do you handle it?