FabSwingers.com forum: Initiating at clubs

By *imnic OP Couple
over a year ago

Nr cannock

Hi all,

So we have been to clubs a few times now and we are still struggling with the whole joining in when others are playing, weather it be in a hottub or public room,

Has anyone got any tips and how to approach this?

Thanks in advance

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By *intsizedpocketrocketsCouple
over a year ago

Stafford

"Hi all,

So we have been to clubs a few times now and we are still struggling with the whole joining in when others are playing, weather it be in a hottub or public room,

Has anyone got any tips and how to approach this?

Thanks in advance "

No advice, but interested to hear others tips. We generally just wait untill we're explicitly asked before playing with others though.

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By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

We find a that good place to start a convo with others is in the Jacuzzi (if the venue has one).

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West

Always take note of what the theme of the room is.

I think it helps your confidence for example if you know people are playing in an orgy/ group room or couples room.

Nothing to be nervous of. The worst people can say is no.

Just be respectful

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

Just ask if you can join in...generally works

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By *imnic OP Couple
over a year ago

Nr cannock

Thanks all, think we just need to get our confidence up haha

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By *tinerant scribeMan
over a year ago

County Durham

Go slow: start with caresses, a smile, and feel free to ask for approval ("Is this ok?"). Too fast and too much is generally bad.

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"Go slow: start with caresses, a smile, and feel free to ask for approval ("Is this ok?"). Too fast and too much is generally bad."

You say start with caresses. Surely you should ask before any touching happens.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

"Just ask if you can join in...generally works

This works well, especially if you're taken the time to chat to who is playing before hand. If you put the effort in to break the ice, you'll find that you'll get invite to join people.

Whatever you do, don't just sit quietly by yourself hoping that by some magic someone will let you have sex with them;if could happen but more often doesn't.

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

The main thing is to judge the mood of the room / couple / group. Watch for a bit and see if they're looking around whilst they play. If so then it at least indicates they're not just purely there for each other.

Make eye contact, if they look around, and smile. We find that a little jokey comment like 'you look like you're having fun' can be enough to break the ice. If they blank you then move on. If they engage then it opens the door for more interaction.

If it's a big group room, sometimes grabbing a spot near a couple and doing your own thing can start things off. Again, eye contact and watching body language. The odd, mid-fuck compliment can also work wonders

Ultimately, make it obvious that you're interested but leave plenty of escape room for the other party. They might be just as anxious about making a move on you but could be waiting on your signal.

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I find it a lot easier to approach people that I've already talked with socially. Being friendly early in the evening is a good start.

Also, as a couple you have the option of starting to play yourselves and let them join you. It's much easier to start your own play on a bed that others are already on. If they're looking at you and moving closer, all it takes is a smile and a nod.

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By *ecky and justCouple
over a year ago

Godalming

If people are playing.

Don’t disturb them.

Wait to be invited.

It’s amazing how quickly the mood can change when someone interrupts the play.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

"Go slow: start with caresses, a smile, and feel free to ask for approval ("Is this ok?"). Too fast and too much is generally bad.

You say start with caresses. Surely you should ask before any touching happens. "
this for me too... if someone touched me without asking in anything but a gangbang situation I'd be very unhappy.

Even in gangbangs I only like an arm or leg touch to make me aware and then I'll either shake my head or invite them in.

Op it's all about confidence.. there is a fear of rejection but you have to remember none of us are for everyone. If I want to join someone I just ask...sometimes they say yes, other times it's a polite refusal. To be fair the first few refusals are a little odd but then I remember I refuse people xx

Best place to chat is on the hot tub.. and if no one is talking... ask people about what they call a round bit of bread.. everyone talks and relaxes, and it's a giggle too

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By *reasygoingMan
over a year ago

Byfield

Yeah timing helps!

Had a guy ever so politely ask if he could touch my partner when we were very much in the zone. He got a very short response. 5mins either way probably would have been his lucky night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Go slow: start with caresses, a smile, and feel free to ask for approval ("Is this ok?"). Too fast and too much is generally bad.

You say start with caresses. Surely you should ask before any touching happens. "

I was like WTF reading this you certainly don't just start touching / caressing anybody without first asking if it's OK to do so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eye contact, play a little nearby.

It'll be quite clear to be invited to join, if not then people may join you instead.

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"I was like WTF reading this you certainly don't just start touching / caressing anybody without first asking if it's OK to do so."

Quite. Some people are OK with it. But many are not, and for more than a few it can be an immediate turn-off, killing the fun they're having with whoever they're with.

If you don't know how it'll be received, don't.

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By *MrandMrsRedxCouple
over a year ago

Wiltshire

Do not come up to someone who’s has blocked you and say ‘you’ve blocked me but I had to come and say hi’ it doesn’t work.

Outside of this we’ve found engaging people beforehand helped as it gets the ball rolling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I post meet and status update when going, so connect before but hot tub is where I find easy to chat too just watch signals too people are respectful and okay to say no too

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"Hi all,

So we have been to clubs a few times now and we are still struggling with the whole joining in when others are playing, weather it be in a hottub or public room,

Has anyone got any tips and how to approach this?

Thanks in advance "

Try asking. But try laying the groundwork early in the night buy chatting with couples at the bar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Go slow: start with caresses, a smile, and feel free to ask for approval ("Is this ok?"). Too fast and too much is generally bad."

Do not start with a caress lol

You cant caress complete strangers without consent

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By *ameasyou1234Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

We have been going to a club for about 2 years and things with us are only just starting to get to a point where we are feeling comfortable and confident with an encounter with what we are looking for. In our experience, it just takes time.

Chatting isn't difficult. Seeing something that you are interested in can definitely help though.

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

"Do not come up to someone who’s has blocked you and say ‘you’ve blocked me but I had to come and say hi’ it doesn’t work.

Outside of this we’ve found engaging people beforehand helped as it gets the ball rolling. "

We actually went to a party once and there was maybe 6 couples , and 2 of those were on our block list lol

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

Notes for those reading, some clubs don’t allow play in hot tubs. Some clubs also have rules expecting you to ask before initiating play. I have a hunch this doesn’t apply to OP, though.

OP, figure out what you’re comfortable with. Do you want to get verbal consent before you touch someone? That’s pretty common. Do you want people to ask verbally before they touch you? Or about condoms? Figure out what your own boundaries are and then proceed accordingly. You want to feel good about yourself and the choices you made the next morning.

But also, use your body language. Stand at the head end of the couple you’re interested in, and close enough to show interest but NOT so close that you’re in the way. Smile and have fun whilst you’re watching. Do not grunt like a 70s porn star, and don’t make more noise than the woman you’re hoping to play with.

Also, and this should go without saying, don’t tell them how to have sex or offer to fuck her better than her partner.

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By *91kMan
over a year ago

Maidstone

Interesting thread... Glad I'm not the only one who had no idea what to do or interact

Stayed about 20 minutes, that's all I managed before feeling like an awkward lurker

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

It's been pretty much covered above, there's some great advice. The only thing I'll add the more you practice the easier and just move natural it becomes. And the better your judgment and feel for the room develops.

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By *intsizedpocketrocketsCouple
over a year ago

Stafford

"Go slow: start with caresses, a smile, and feel free to ask for approval ("Is this ok?"). Too fast and too much is generally bad."

Ummmmmm I'm not sure that's perhaps the best idea. You know touching strangers without enthusiastic consent!

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By *permdonorMan
over a year ago

driffield

Good conversation and being respectful I find works

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By *illowzWoman
over a year ago

Exeter

Find these threads helpful, thanks. Never been. Would love to but too scared as a single woman

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By *ugRollersCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

It’s a hard one isn’t it. As a couple I don’t think I’ve actually invited anyone in to play with us in an open room but people have joined in. People ask and I find that polite and sometimes they’ve been playing beside us and a dirty glance just makes it happen. I think to be sure the best thing to do is just ask and then everyone’s comfy. Someone can only say no

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

Definitely talk to people earlier in the evening, mingle and chat in the hot tub, smoking area or bar. Then later in the evening ask if they would like to join you or just play in an area that's open and make eye contact with others if you want to get together..

Do not caress anyone as suggested above, or disturb people who are obviously mid session

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By *intsizedpocketrocketsCouple
over a year ago

Stafford

"Definitely talk to people earlier in the evening, mingle and chat in the hot tub, smoking area or bar. Then later in the evening ask if they would like to join you or just play in an area that's open and make eye contact with others if you want to get together..

Do not caress anyone as suggested above, or disturb people who are obviously mid session "

Brilliant advice there! Even taking some tips ourselves!

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Go slow: start with caresses, a smile, and feel free to ask for approval ("Is this ok?"). Too fast and too much is generally bad."

Nooooooo! Don't touch without prior consent.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"I was like WTF reading this you certainly don't just start touching / caressing anybody without first asking if it's OK to do so."

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By *eepgliderMan
over a year ago

Chacewater

When went to clubs, if it looks like some interaction might be good at that juncture, you could always catch the eye of one of them and gesture the attention you are offering to give. Say a stroke on her thigh. Indicate it in mid-air. You'll either get something like a quick head-shake (no) or nod or "go help yourself" gesture (yes). If you are invited to start giving attention, the attention is being absorbed and they move to enable you to stroke further, or whatever, that is their act of commission and you go with it. Etc.

But always get some affirmative response before as much as touching anyone.

As an eg. which blokes should be able to relate to. When i was having sex with my lady friend, their would be gay guys who had sneaked themselves in "incognito" to hetero events who would be the proverbial pain-in-the-arse coming in and stroking your buttocks and so on which you are busy and preoccupied. And wouldn't take a simple straight "no" as the way things are. Think yourself into the lady's position and work out what would be reasonable - given you are in a sex club and there is a high probability they are looking for sex.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

The Wild Wetness

Only in a dark room can you first touch without asking. Of course it could be anyone, men or women and if they say no it is still a no.

Bunny has been solo to clubs and would always prefer someone says hi first, preferably in the bar or hottub.

We have played with others in orgy rooms, but first indications are they they choose to get on the bed next to us (we tend to be first on) next it is a matter of small talk. Love your outfit, do you want to join us? Is it OK to kiss/touch etc.

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By *ookie_and_NookieCouple
over a year ago

Kent

"Interesting thread... Glad I'm not the only one who had no idea what to do or interact

Stayed about 20 minutes, that's all I managed before feeling like an awkward lurker

That’s a shame, I’d have made sure you didn’t feel awkward!

C x

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By *oly Fuck Sticks BatmanCouple
over a year ago

here & there

We like to make contact in the social areas at the start of the night, that way we get a feel of who we might like to have fun with later - if the banter is good then it makes it easier to approach them later.

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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago

Nr Leicester

"Go slow: start with caresses, a smile, and feel free to ask for approval ("Is this ok?"). Too fast and too much is generally bad."

Sorry that'd be an instant no from us!!

Eye contact, "hello" and "could we join you?" Think asking to sit at a pub table' almost.. lol

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