FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swinging Support and Advice

Telling wife

Jump to newest
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

Id love advice from the ladies or pm privately. I love to crossdress and want to tell my wife so i can have more freedom. The problem is she is not open minded at all and our marriage is not great. I am thinking by telling her it will open up our marriage for both of us to have a bit more freedom. Let me know what ye think

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

And just to note we have not had sex or even touched each other in over 2 years. She seems to have no interest in sex at all x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(owl) I have a friend who is TV and has been open about it for years and has had no problems with the few relationships he has had since then. We both have another straight M friend who is TV and each time he gets a partner he then tells them and they go running.

My personal feelings are to be open about one's feelings. If she won't respect your feelings then perhaps your time is up. It may take time for her to come to terms with it but you've hidden it for a long time and the least you can do is give her time to adjust - which is likely to be rocky. Otherwise keep it secret and accidentally let her find out when you become frustrated.

Be open with those you love, be truthful and straight with them, be patient and always take the middle path.

HTH

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

Thank you so much for your advice. Yes i have become very frustrated which is why i want to tell her. I am not sure how i would let her find out accidentally tho

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Id love advice from the ladies or pm privately. I love to crossdress and want to tell my wife so i can have more freedom. The problem is she is not open minded at all and our marriage is not great. I am thinking by telling her it will open up our marriage for both of us to have a bit more freedom. Let me know what ye think "

I think as difficult as you undoubtedly will find it the two of you need to talk to each other. A person who isn't open minded isn't going to change over night and she's going to feel hurt that there are things about yourself you've kept from her.

I think you're in for a lot of talking, explaining (both of you not just you) and listening to each other.

Good luck hope you reach a happy resolution

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

Thank you. Because i know her i know she will not be excepting of it at all x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thank you. Because i know her i know she will not be excepting of it at all x"

How do you think it will open up your marriage if she won't accept it?

I'm only asking that to understand how you're thinking

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *teph BitchTV/TS
over a year ago

Manchester

I told my ex and she threatened me for divorce

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

Because of were our marriage is at the moment. I feel we both need some freedom. I did mention it years ago in a round about way but she just insulted me and said i was a weirdo x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *vpamelaTV/TS
over a year ago

kinkville


"Id love advice from the ladies or pm privately. I love to crossdress and want to tell my wife so i can have more freedom. The problem is she is not open minded at all and our marriage is not great. I am thinking by telling her it will open up our marriage for both of us to have a bit more freedom. Let me know what ye think "

You need to weigh up the risks of your relationship with her to gauge whether you want to go down any path of addressing the issues you have.

Your own happiness is important and my advice is to tell her this, how you want to achieve this happiness and that your wish is that she accepts it and joins you on your journey. Honesty,right?

But, also to be aware, she might want nothing to do with you, your journey and try to make your life hell if you entertain any of it.

So, with those risks in mind, are you going to discuss it with her to enrich your life (with possible consequences) or live miserably in the shadows?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

Also i do have a gut feeling she is seeing someone else

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Because of were our marriage is at the moment. I feel we both need some freedom. I did mention it years ago in a round about way but she just insulted me and said i was a weirdo x"

Use reply+quote under the post you're answering, we'll know who you're talking to then

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

Be honest if you need to but as things are already bad be prepared that this could potentially end your marriage rather than open it up.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *vpamelaTV/TS
over a year ago

kinkville

Another option is to just leave, start a new life that she knows nothing about. Especially if you already know she is likely to disapprove of it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *haneportsMan
over a year ago

portsmouth

Divorce is often the way unfortunately.

I’ve known only 4 couples where the partner knew & understood but two of them broke up eventually.

Be careful & mindful of the consequences OP.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think telling your wife you like to dress up will help your marriage in the slightest.. work on your relationship first . Get your sex life back n may be then .. only maybe tell her . Personally I think she'll do a runner . Or divorce her n stop living a lie . Good luck .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham


"Because of were our marriage is at the moment. I feel we both need some freedom. I did mention it years ago in a round about way but she just insulted me and said i was a weirdo x"

You told her. She called you names. End the marriage, you don’t deserve to be treated like that.

Freedom after a bad marriage is amazing. I promise you, this will feel so much better

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway


"Because of were our marriage is at the moment. I feel we both need some freedom. I did mention it years ago in a round about way but she just insulted me and said i was a weirdo x

You told her. She called you names. End the marriage, you don’t deserve to be treated like that.

Freedom after a bad marriage is amazing. I promise you, this will feel so much better"

She just said i was a weirdo and i wasn't normal. I felt very belittled

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Id love advice from the ladies or pm privately. I love to crossdress and want to tell my wife so i can have more freedom. The problem is she is not open minded at all and our marriage is not great. I am thinking by telling her it will open up our marriage for both of us to have a bit more freedom. Let me know what ye think "

Tell her then get a divorce lawyer.

Do you care if she starts slagging you off to friends and family?

If so, don't tell her just get the lawyer.

Good luck.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway


"Id love advice from the ladies or pm privately. I love to crossdress and want to tell my wife so i can have more freedom. The problem is she is not open minded at all and our marriage is not great. I am thinking by telling her it will open up our marriage for both of us to have a bit more freedom. Let me know what ye think

Tell her then get a divorce lawyer.

Do you care if she starts slagging you off to friends and family?

If so, don't tell her just get the lawyer.

Good luck. "

I know she wouldn't tell anyone as she would be to embarrassed and i should say we have 2 young kids x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Id love advice from the ladies or pm privately. I love to crossdress and want to tell my wife so i can have more freedom. The problem is she is not open minded at all and our marriage is not great. I am thinking by telling her it will open up our marriage for both of us to have a bit more freedom. Let me know what ye think

Tell her then get a divorce lawyer.

Do you care if she starts slagging you off to friends and family?

If so, don't tell her just get the lawyer.

Good luck.

I know she wouldn't tell anyone as she would be to embarrassed and i should say we have 2 young kids x"

Think of the kids.

Definitely don't tell her! She's already told you what she thinks of it.

See if you can rekindle your relationship or separate amicably.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *vpamelaTV/TS
over a year ago

kinkville

Try to put yourself in her shoes. She fell in love and married and had kids with a MAN (and that picture postcard life). Suggesting to her you want anything else is likely to shatter that dream. Especially if people she respects also found this out about you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway


"Try to put yourself in her shoes. She fell in love and married and had kids with a MAN (and that picture postcard life). Suggesting to her you want anything else is likely to shatter that dream. Especially if people she respects also found this out about you."

I can honestly say that if we didn't have kids we would not be together

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ocusMan
over a year ago

Cambridge


"I dont think telling your wife you like to dress up will help your marriage in the slightest.. work on your relationship first . Get your sex life back n may be then .. only maybe tell her… Good luck . "

This! Wise words.

Reach out to her. Make her feel desired before anything else.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway


"Id love advice from the ladies or pm privately. I love to crossdress and want to tell my wife so i can have more freedom. The problem is she is not open minded at all and our marriage is not great. I am thinking by telling her it will open up our marriage for both of us to have a bit more freedom. Let me know what ye think

You need to weigh up the risks of your relationship with her to gauge whether you want to go down any path of addressing the issues you have.

Your own happiness is important and my advice is to tell her this, how you want to achieve this happiness and that your wish is that she accepts it and joins you on your journey. Honesty,right?

But, also to be aware, she might want nothing to do with you, your journey and try to make your life hell if you entertain any of it.

So, with those risks in mind, are you going to discuss it with her to enrich your life (with possible consequences) or live miserably in the shadows? "

Everything you said is true and its the decision to tell or not to tell her. This is something i want to do as i absolutely love girly things. At the moment we have zero romance between us and am certain she is not in love with me anymore and she is not attracted to me either

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Try to put yourself in her shoes. She fell in love and married and had kids with a MAN (and that picture postcard life). Suggesting to her you want anything else is likely to shatter that dream. Especially if people she respects also found this out about you."

He is still a man.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North


"Also i do have a gut feeling she is seeing someone else "

Well does she know your on fab

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *vpamelaTV/TS
over a year ago

kinkville


"Try to put yourself in her shoes. She fell in love and married and had kids with a MAN (and that picture postcard life). Suggesting to her you want anything else is likely to shatter that dream. Especially if people she respects also found this out about you.

He is still a man. "

But is he a MANLY man?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway


"Also i do have a gut feeling she is seeing someone else

Well does she know your on fab "

No and i would have no problem with her having a boyfriend if she wanted

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seems like you need to have the conversation. If your relationship is not good why stay? Communication above everything is what make a relationship work. Be being honest, things can only get better, but don’t go in all guns blazing, pick the time and content carefully.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

Whew boy! Lot's to unpack here...

So, these are the points that stand out to me;

- she is not open minded

- your marriage is 'not great'

- not touched or had sex in 2 years

- she has no interest in sex

- she insulted you and called you a weirdo

- you feel like she is cheating on you

- you have 2 young kids together

- you would not still be together if not for said kids

- there is zero romance between you

- you feel she no longer loves you or is attracted to you

Is that about the gist of it? OP, I think your marriage is dead. I think your relationship is dead. At best, it's currently in a coma and on life support. You have two options; you start resuscitation processes IMMEDIATELY to try and salvage a new and better marriage/relationship out of the wreakage of what your old one has become. Or, you cut your losses and start separation processes IMMEDIATELY.

Why immediately, you ask? Your children. They did not ask for this. They cannot consent to it. People will often say "stay together for the kids"... no, that's extremely misguided and toxic as hell. It's not for the kids, it's sacrificing their long-term wellbing for the sake of the adult's short-term pain and embarrassment. People tend to seriously underestimate the emotional intuitiveness and intelligence of children.

On the contrary, they pick up on things; the atmosphere and tension between mother and father, the strained dynamics, the lack of warmth, of connection, of fulfilled happiness... to continue to raise children in such an environment is deeply, deeply unethical and unfair. People who "stay together for the kids" do themselves no favours, and they certainly do no favours for their kids, either.

In short, if you want to fight for her, you need to start with The Talk™. You need to sit down with her and have some serious conversations about why your marriage is 'not great' anymore. About why there's no romance, no intimacy. About why she has no interest in sex anymore. About how you're feeling - that she might be cheating, that you don't feel loved / desired. This will mean asking her straight up; "do you still love me?" "are you still attracted to me?" "are you having an affair?" "is there anything going on or any reason you no longer have a libido?" etc. The Talk™ should be combined with going to see a couples counsellor, too. Now you might be thinking "really?" Yes, really. From what you've written it's clear that you both are in dire need of relationship counselling. Not tomorrow, not next week, not in 6 months, NOW. A year ago, if I'm being totally honest. A coma on life support, remember. Only after all of the above has been addressed, should you even begin to think about adding in the whole crossdressing / opening up the marriage can of worms.

If you choose not to fight for it and cut your losses, that's obviously going to look a bit different. But, again, you owe it to your children (and to yourselves) to do it NOW. Current trajectory with neither of these two actions will only get worse, not better.

Of course, you'll most likely ignore all of this, because it's not what you wanted to hear. You wanted to hear that yes of course you should tell her and it'll be great and you'll both be totally free and happy... or maybe you wanted to hear about your other option where you just do it in secret behind her back, seeing as she's no doubt cheating anyway, right?

Regardless, I wish you, your wife and your kids the very best of luck in the future.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway


"Whew boy! Lot's to unpack here...

So, these are the points that stand out to me;

- she is not open minded

- your marriage is 'not great'

- not touched or had sex in 2

- she has no interest in sex

- she insulted you and called you a weirdo

- you feel like she is cheating on you

- you have 2 young kids together

- you would not still be together if not for said kids

- there is zero romance between you

- you feel she no longer loves you or is attracted to you

Is that about the gist of it? OP, I think your marriage is dead. I think your relationship is dead. At best, it's currently in a coma and on life support. You have two options; you start resuscitation processes IMMEDIATELY to try and salvage a new and better marriage/relationship out of the wreakage of what your old one has become. Or, you cut your losses and start separation processes IMMEDIATELY.

Why immediately, you ask? Your children. They did not ask for this. They cannot consent to it. People will often say "stay together for the kids"... no, that's extremely misguided and toxic as hell. It's not for the kids, it's sacrificing their long-term wellbing for the sake of the adult's short-term pain and embarrassment. People tend to seriously underestimate the emotional intuitiveness and intelligence of children.

On the contrary, they pick up on things; the atmosphere and tension between mother and father, the strained dynamics, the lack of warmth, of connection, of fulfilled happiness... to continue to raise children in such an environment is deeply, deeply unethical and unfair. People who "stay together for the kids" do themselves no favours, and they certainly do no favours for their kids, either.

In short, if you want to fight for her, you need to start with The Talk™. You need to sit down with her and have some serious conversations about why your marriage is 'not great' anymore. About why there's no romance, no intimacy. About why she has no interest in sex anymore. About how you're feeling - that she might be cheating, that you don't feel loved / desired. This will mean asking her straight up; "do you still love me?" "are you still attracted to me?" "are you having an affair?" "is there anything going on or any reason you no longer have a libido?" etc. The Talk™ should be combined with going to see a couples counsellor, too. Now you might be thinking "really?" Yes, really. From what you've written it's clear that you both are in dire need of relationship counselling. Not tomorrow, not next week, not in 6 months, NOW. A year ago, if I'm being totally honest. A coma on life support, remember. Only after all of the above has been addressed, should you even begin to think about adding in the whole crossdressing / opening up the marriage can of worms.

If you choose not to fight for it and cut your losses, that's obviously going to look a bit different. But, again, you owe it to your children (and to yourselves) to do it NOW. Current trajectory with neither of these two actions will only get worse, not better.

Of course, you'll most likely ignore all of this, because it's not what you wanted to hear. You wanted to hear that yes of course you should tell her and it'll be great and you'll both be totally free and happy... or maybe you wanted to hear about your other option where you just do it in secret behind her back, seeing as she's no doubt cheating anyway, right?

Regardless, I wish you, your wife and your kids the very best of luck in the future. "

Thank you for your fabulous answer and everything you said is true x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

If you told her (again) and she insulted you (again) and made you choose between her and dressing - which would you choose?

I feel like you've reached a fork in the road here, OP. Would you be happy with potentially another 40 years in this marriage with a partner who wants you to be someone you're not? It'll mean either dropping that side of you or going behind her back. Neither option are fair.

I can understand she may have difficulty accepting 'non-tradtional' things if she's had a conservative upbringing. And it's not cool to just force things on her and expect her to just be OK with it. But this is an important part of who you are and you should be free to explore that, either alone or with a supportive partner.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You told her. She called you names. End the marriage, you don’t deserve to be treated like that."

Rows happen, people get angry or upset and say things they don't mean. Speak to your wife plainly and honestly but choose the moment. Not when she's had a busy day or is stressed, and certainly not when she's on her cycle.

That said, you really need to make sure you are careful if you're meeting men as if you catch something you could pass it onto your wife and that is not fair on her.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Try to put yourself in her shoes. She fell in love and married and had kids with a MAN (and that picture postcard life). Suggesting to her you want anything else is likely to shatter that dream. Especially if people she respects also found this out about you.

He is still a man.

But is he a MANLY man? "

Hard cock in knickers... very manly.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *exycouplesswingCouple
over a year ago

Tunbridge Wells

Tell her… get it over with

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

So an update. I told wife this morning and she is not happy. She told me im not to dress again or she will leave

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So an update. I told wife this morning and she is not happy. She told me im not to dress again or she will leave "

She will be impressed with your veris.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whew boy! Lot's to unpack here...

So, these are the points that stand out to me;

- she is not open minded

- your marriage is 'not great'

- not touched or had sex in 2 years

- she has no interest in sex

- she insulted you and called you a weirdo

- you feel like she is cheating on you

- you have 2 young kids together

- you would not still be together if not for said kids

- there is zero romance between you

- you feel she no longer loves you or is attracted to you

Is that about the gist of it? OP, I think your marriage is dead. I think your relationship is dead. At best, it's currently in a coma and on life support. You have two options; you start resuscitation processes IMMEDIATELY to try and salvage a new and better marriage/relationship out of the wreakage of what your old one has become. Or, you cut your losses and start separation processes IMMEDIATELY.

Why immediately, you ask? Your children. They did not ask for this. They cannot consent to it. People will often say "stay together for the kids"... no, that's extremely misguided and toxic as hell. It's not for the kids, it's sacrificing their long-term wellbing for the sake of the adult's short-term pain and embarrassment. People tend to seriously underestimate the emotional intuitiveness and intelligence of children.

On the contrary, they pick up on things; the atmosphere and tension between mother and father, the strained dynamics, the lack of warmth, of connection, of fulfilled happiness... to continue to raise children in such an environment is deeply, deeply unethical and unfair. People who "stay together for the kids" do themselves no favours, and they certainly do no favours for their kids, either.

In short, if you want to fight for her, you need to start with The Talk™. You need to sit down with her and have some serious conversations about why your marriage is 'not great' anymore. About why there's no romance, no intimacy. About why she has no interest in sex anymore. About how you're feeling - that she might be cheating, that you don't feel loved / desired. This will mean asking her straight up; "do you still love me?" "are you still attracted to me?" "are you having an affair?" "is there anything going on or any reason you no longer have a libido?" etc. The Talk™ should be combined with going to see a couples counsellor, too. Now you might be thinking "really?" Yes, really. From what you've written it's clear that you both are in dire need of relationship counselling. Not tomorrow, not next week, not in 6 months, NOW. A year ago, if I'm being totally honest. A coma on life support, remember. Only after all of the above has been addressed, should you even begin to think about adding in the whole crossdressing / opening up the marriage can of worms.

If you choose not to fight for it and cut your losses, that's obviously going to look a bit different. But, again, you owe it to your children (and to yourselves) to do it NOW. Current trajectory with neither of these two actions will only get worse, not better.

Of course, you'll most likely ignore all of this, because it's not what you wanted to hear. You wanted to hear that yes of course you should tell her and it'll be great and you'll both be totally free and happy... or maybe you wanted to hear about your other option where you just do it in secret behind her back, seeing as she's no doubt cheating anyway, right?

Regardless, I wish you, your wife and your kids the very best of luck in the future. "

OP this post was brilliant you should really take heed of it.

KJ

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iscreetfuncpl12Couple
over a year ago

Somerset

Just be honest with her. You don’t just want to dress you also want to, and do, have sex with men, thus far behind her back. She deserves the truth as it’s not what she signed up for. She either embraces it all (unlikely as she has already told you she wants the dressing to stop). Swinging or accepting your partner sleeps with others is a niche interest. Just because someone doesn’t accept that you want to do it doesn’t make them conservative or prudish. Be honest with yourself and her and leave. The kids will accept it eventually. The alternative is two miserable people and miserable kids.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you arent having sex now chances are it wont change if you tell her seems like you have grown apart think long and hard about your situation and what you want

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just be honest with her. You don’t just want to dress you also want to, and do, have sex with men, thus far behind her back. She deserves the truth as it’s not what she signed up for. She either embraces it all (unlikely as she has already told you she wants the dressing to stop). Swinging or accepting your partner sleeps with others is a niche interest. Just because someone doesn’t accept that you want to do it doesn’t make them conservative or prudish. Be honest with yourself and her and leave. The kids will accept it eventually. The alternative is two miserable people and miserable kids."

This

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whew boy! Lot's to unpack here...

So, these are the points that stand out to me;

- she is not open minded

- your marriage is 'not great'

- not touched or had sex in 2 years

- she has no interest in sex

- she insulted you and called you a weirdo

- you feel like she is cheating on you

- you have 2 young kids together

- you would not still be together if not for said kids

- there is zero romance between you

- you feel she no longer loves you or is attracted to you

Is that about the gist of it? OP, I think your marriage is dead. I think your relationship is dead. At best, it's currently in a coma and on life support. You have two options; you start resuscitation processes IMMEDIATELY to try and salvage a new and better marriage/relationship out of the wreakage of what your old one has become. Or, you cut your losses and start separation processes IMMEDIATELY.

Why immediately, you ask? Your children. They did not ask for this. They cannot consent to it. People will often say "stay together for the kids"... no, that's extremely misguided and toxic as hell. It's not for the kids, it's sacrificing their long-term wellbing for the sake of the adult's short-term pain and embarrassment. People tend to seriously underestimate the emotional intuitiveness and intelligence of children.

On the contrary, they pick up on things; the atmosphere and tension between mother and father, the strained dynamics, the lack of warmth, of connection, of fulfilled happiness... to continue to raise children in such an environment is deeply, deeply unethical and unfair. People who "stay together for the kids" do themselves no favours, and they certainly do no favours for their kids, either.

In short, if you want to fight for her, you need to start with The Talk™. You need to sit down with her and have some serious conversations about why your marriage is 'not great' anymore. About why there's no romance, no intimacy. About why she has no interest in sex anymore. About how you're feeling - that she might be cheating, that you don't feel loved / desired. This will mean asking her straight up; "do you still love me?" "are you still attracted to me?" "are you having an affair?" "is there anything going on or any reason you no longer have a libido?" etc. The Talk™ should be combined with going to see a couples counsellor, too. Now you might be thinking "really?" Yes, really. From what you've written it's clear that you both are in dire need of relationship counselling. Not tomorrow, not next week, not in 6 months, NOW. A year ago, if I'm being totally honest. A coma on life support, remember. Only after all of the above has been addressed, should you even begin to think about adding in the whole crossdressing / opening up the marriage can of worms.

If you choose not to fight for it and cut your losses, that's obviously going to look a bit different. But, again, you owe it to your children (and to yourselves) to do it NOW. Current trajectory with neither of these two actions will only get worse, not better.

Of course, you'll most likely ignore all of this, because it's not what you wanted to hear. You wanted to hear that yes of course you should tell her and it'll be great and you'll both be totally free and happy... or maybe you wanted to hear about your other option where you just do it in secret behind her back, seeing as she's no doubt cheating anyway, right?

Regardless, I wish you, your wife and your kids the very best of luck in the future. "

Great post

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just be honest with her. You don’t just want to dress you also want to, and do, have sex with men, thus far behind her back. She deserves the truth as it’s not what she signed up for. She either embraces it all (unlikely as she has already told you she wants the dressing to stop). Swinging or accepting your partner sleeps with others is a niche interest. Just because someone doesn’t accept that you want to do it doesn’t make them conservative or prudish. Be honest with yourself and her and leave. The kids will accept it eventually. The alternative is two miserable people and miserable kids."

I work with so many young teens whose parents grew to resent and hate other but stuck it out 'for the kids'. All they did is caused their kids untold pain and damage

It's so much healthier for everyone (especially the kids) when 2 parents in a dead marriage like this part ways amicably to live their best lives separately, giving them both a chance to find happiness which is infinitely better for the kids.

Sadly that choice takes strength to do and people chose the easier option for them (not their kids) I.E stick it out, live in a household cloud of misery and cheat on their partner to satisfy any urges.

KJ

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittle MonkeysCouple
over a year ago

Kimberley

Does your wife know you are gay ?

At the risk of sounding rude I would suggest that you need to come clean to her quickly and both find ways to move forward. If you are seeing men behind her back then this may be why she is feeling the way she is feeling towards you. She may know more than you feel. It seems to me that cross dressing is a stepping stone for you before coming out and you are dragging your family along with you.

For the sake of your wife and your children you need to do the decent thing and discuss what your true feelings are. You are wasting your life and potentially your wife’s too.

Be who you are rather that criticising your wife for not understanding something you are hiding from yourself

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does your wife know you are gay ?

At the risk of sounding rude I would suggest that you need to come clean to her quickly and both find ways to move forward. If you are seeing men behind her back then this may be why she is feeling the way she is feeling towards you. She may know more than you feel. It seems to me that cross dressing is a stepping stone for you before coming out and you are dragging your family along with you.

For the sake of your wife and your children you need to do the decent thing and discuss what your true feelings are. You are wasting your life and potentially your wife’s too.

Be who you are rather that criticising your wife for not understanding something you are hiding from yourself "

Where does the OP state he is gay and why do you presume he is?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This so difficult I told my partner I like to wear panties she has accepted it and we have bought them together but not sure about next stage I would like to wear stocking!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *istockportguyTV/TS
over a year ago

stockport


"This so difficult I told my partner I like to wear panties she has accepted it and we have bought them together but not sure about next stage I would like to wear stocking! "

I agree very difficult , I started by her watching me play with myself using her panties , then moved on to wearing them as I played , this seemed to turn her on so things progressed to other lingerie from there

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

OP, let her go. You deserve better.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittle MonkeysCouple
over a year ago

Kimberley


"Does your wife know you are gay ?

At the risk of sounding rude I would suggest that you need to come clean to her quickly and both find ways to move forward. If you are seeing men behind her back then this may be why she is feeling the way she is feeling towards you. She may know more than you feel. It seems to me that cross dressing is a stepping stone for you before coming out and you are dragging your family along with you.

For the sake of your wife and your children you need to do the decent thing and discuss what your true feelings are. You are wasting your life and potentially your wife’s too.

Be who you are rather that criticising your wife for not understanding something you are hiding from yourself

Where does the OP state he is gay and why do you presume he is? "

It would be easy to make that assumption given his situation and verifications. The fact the marriage sounds dead also indicates a lack of connection which is often driven by something unspoken.

I would bet my house the OP is struggling to come out.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iscreetfuncpl12Couple
over a year ago

Somerset


"OP, let her go. You deserve better. "
To be fair, I think she deserves better.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does your wife know you are gay ?

Where does the OP state he is gay and why do you presume he is?

It would be easy to make that assumption given his situation and verifications. The fact the marriage sounds dead also indicates a lack of connection which is often driven by something unspoken.

I would bet my house the OP is struggling to come out."

So because he is a guy who likes to dress, meets men for sex because he is bisexual, you assume that must make him a closet gay?? Seriously?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittle MonkeysCouple
over a year ago

Kimberley


"Does your wife know you are gay ?

Where does the OP state he is gay and why do you presume he is?

It would be easy to make that assumption given his situation and verifications. The fact the marriage sounds dead also indicates a lack of connection which is often driven by something unspoken.

I would bet my house the OP is struggling to come out.

So because he is a guy who likes to dress, meets men for sex because he is bisexual, you assume that must make him a closet gay?? Seriously?"

Yes , that is correct.

You of course may draw your own conclusions.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does your wife know you are gay ?

So because he is a guy who likes to dress, meets men for sex because he is bisexual, you assume that must make him a closet gay?? Seriously?

Yes , that is correct.

You of course may draw your own conclusions."

My conclusions are drawn from real life personal experience and real life friends who are sadly in the same situation as the OP.

An urge to dress for whatever reason does not make you gay. Nor does being bisexual.

No wonder people are reluctant to admit to either.

Viv

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does your wife know you are gay ?

Where does the OP state he is gay and why do you presume he is?

It would be easy to make that assumption given his situation and verifications. The fact the marriage sounds dead also indicates a lack of connection which is often driven by something unspoken.

I would bet my house the OP is struggling to come out.

So because he is a guy who likes to dress, meets men for sex because he is bisexual, you assume that must make him a closet gay?? Seriously?

Yes , that is correct.

You of course may draw your own conclusions."

So your profile says your both straight are you saying the choice is just straight or gay and that is it, bisexuality doesn't exist?

KJ

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does your wife know you are gay ?

So because he is a guy who likes to dress, meets men for sex because he is bisexual, you assume that must make him a closet gay?? Seriously?

Yes , that is correct.

You of course may draw your own conclusions.

My conclusions are drawn from real life personal experience and real life friends who are sadly in the same situation as the OP.

An urge to dress for whatever reason does not make you gay. Nor does being bisexual.

No wonder people are reluctant to admit to either.

Viv"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittle MonkeysCouple
over a year ago

Kimberley


"Does your wife know you are gay ?

Where does the OP state he is gay and why do you presume he is?

It would be easy to make that assumption given his situation and verifications. The fact the marriage sounds dead also indicates a lack of connection which is often driven by something unspoken.

I would bet my house the OP is struggling to come out.

So because he is a guy who likes to dress, meets men for sex because he is bisexual, you assume that must make him a closet gay?? Seriously?

Yes , that is correct.

You of course may draw your own conclusions.

So your profile says your both straight are you saying the choice is just straight or gay and that is it, bisexuality doesn't exist?

KJ"

I would suggest you read what I said instead of suggesting I said things I clearly didn’t.

I find it annoying that people love to twist stuff to suggest I mean more than I do.

I gave my thoughts, why not accept that? You don’t have to agree but you certainly don't need to try and put words in my mouth either.

The comments I have seen lead me to my conclusions, If you don’t agree that’s fine, that’s why we have 12 jurors, but you have no need to try and suggest I’m saying anything more than I am.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ringles0510Woman
over a year ago

Central Borders

You know her better than any of us. If you're sure she won't accept it and possibly even insult you or get angry, maybe try to figure out if you are willing to risk your relationship for it.

Obviously I only heard your side so I might be bias, but if she actually loves you she should support you in this. I wouldn't expect her to join you in dressing up sessions or anything, but not slate you for it either x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does your wife know you are gay ?

Where does the OP state he is gay and why do you presume he is?

It would be easy to make that assumption given his situation and verifications. The fact the marriage sounds dead also indicates a lack of connection which is often driven by something unspoken.

I would bet my house the OP is struggling to come out.

So because he is a guy who likes to dress, meets men for sex because he is bisexual, you assume that must make him a closet gay?? Seriously?

Yes , that is correct.

You of course may draw your own conclusions.

So your profile says your both straight are you saying the choice is just straight or gay and that is it, bisexuality doesn't exist?

KJ

I would suggest you read what I said instead of suggesting I said things I clearly didn’t.

I find it annoying that people love to twist stuff to suggest I mean more than I do.

I gave my thoughts, why not accept that? You don’t have to agree but you certainly don't need to try and put words in my mouth either.

The comments I have seen lead me to my conclusions, If you don’t agree that’s fine, that’s why we have 12 jurors, but you have no need to try and suggest I’m saying anything more than I am.

"

So OP is open about been bisexual he isn't hiding it on his profile just from his wife. He seems comfortable with his sexuality on Fab he's not going down the 'fab straight route'

Those we can agree are facts so what facts are you using to decide he is actually a gay man struggling to come out?

Or is it just a hunch?

When I was on jury service we worked on facts and evidence not hypothesis, theory or hunches.

KJ

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittle MonkeysCouple
over a year ago

Kimberley

[Removed by poster at 29/07/22 05:01:05]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittle MonkeysCouple
over a year ago

Kimberley


"Does your wife know you are gay ?

Where does the OP state he is gay and why do you presume he is?

It would be easy to make that assumption given his situation and verifications. The fact the marriage sounds dead also indicates a lack of connection which is often driven by something unspoken.

I would bet my house the OP is struggling to come out.

So because he is a guy who likes to dress, meets men for sex because he is bisexual, you assume that must make him a closet gay?? Seriously?

Yes , that is correct.

You of course may draw your own conclusions.

So your profile says your both straight are you saying the choice is just straight or gay and that is it, bisexuality doesn't exist?

KJ

I would suggest you read what I said instead of suggesting I said things I clearly didn’t.

I find it annoying that people love to twist stuff to suggest I mean more than I do.

I gave my thoughts, why not accept that? You don’t have to agree but you certainly don't need to try and put words in my mouth either.

The comments I have seen lead me to my conclusions, If you don’t agree that’s fine, that’s why we have 12 jurors, but you have no need to try and suggest I’m saying anything more than I am.

So OP is open about been bisexual he isn't hiding it on his profile just from his wife. He seems comfortable with his sexuality on Fab he's not going down the 'fab straight route'

Those we can agree are facts so what facts are you using to decide he is actually a gay man struggling to come out?

Or is it just a hunch?

When I was on jury service we worked on facts and evidence not hypothesis, theory or hunches.

KJ "

We can agree that it’s fact that that information on the profile.

But I am sure you can agree with me that not all profiles on this site are actually factual.

Probably best to drop this one I think, we are never going to agree. There has already been some great advice for the OP and he can pick his choice from that.

I have my thoughts on it, I’ve expressed them and I’ve not much more to add on that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

Thanks to everyone and there great advice in there. I am bisexual and very much attracted to women. I have told here since and did not go well. She told me im never to do it and if i wanted to it ,that would be the end of our marriage. She said never talk about it or bring it up again

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks to everyone and there great advice in there. I am bisexual and very much attracted to women. I have told here since and did not go well. She told me im never to do it and if i wanted to it ,that would be the end of our marriage. She said never talk about it or bring it up again "

Well you have a choice live a lie and stay together or leave and give you both a chance to live your best and happy lives.

If children are involved then 2 seperated parents who are happy and fulfilled living seperated lives but working together to Co parent is a million times better than them staying together in a resentful and toxic atmosphere. Children of all ages absolutely pick up on this and it can leave life long trauma.

Wish you all the best OP, you already found the strength to confront her and be open about who you are. Her response of put up and shut is completely wrong. I hope you find further strength to find happiness for you and ultimately all of your family.

KJ

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway


"Thanks to everyone and there great advice in there. I am bisexual and very much attracted to women. I have told here since and did not go well. She told me im never to do it and if i wanted to it ,that would be the end of our marriage. She said never talk about it or bring it up again

Well you have a choice live a lie and stay together or leave and give you both a chance to live your best and happy lives.

If children are involved then 2 seperated parents who are happy and fulfilled living seperated lives but working together to Co parent is a million times better than them staying together in a resentful and toxic atmosphere. Children of all ages absolutely pick up on this and it can leave life long trauma.

Wish you all the best OP, you already found the strength to confront her and be open about who you are. Her response of put up and shut is completely wrong. I hope you find further strength to find happiness for you and ultimately all of your family.

KJ"
Thank you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

So just a small follow up. My wife told me last night not to buy her anything for xmas even tho she always would drop hints around this time of year and loves presents. Things are a little tight with money but not that tight. Yet she said dhe will get me something to open in front of the kids. I don't understand this?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester


"I told my ex and she threatened me for divorce"

If she's your ex it wasn't just a threat

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

So update on my wife.3 weeks ago she went away for the night with her sister and when she came home and since then she is in great form and is really nice to me. We have had sex every week since. I don't no What has brought all this on. Any idea's would be helpful ??

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

Would like ideas especially from the ladies point of view. Thanks

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Whatever brought it on it is a good thing for you so why not enjoy it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andyCrushMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh ish

Well that would make sense. Follow her and find out what she's up to!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

Just before this night away we were barely even talking and then a sudden change x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just before this night away we were barely even talking and then a sudden change x"

Why don't you ask her?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

I try but she doesn't want to get into a deep conversations about our marriage and when i try she gets cross

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"So just a small follow up. My wife told me last night not to buy her anything for xmas even tho she always would drop hints around this time of year and loves presents. Things are a little tight with money but not that tight. Yet she said dhe will get me something to open in front of the kids. I don't understand this?"

What did she buy you ? Did you get her anything ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *evinpool OP   Man
over a year ago

mayo/Galway

I got her a designer hand bag and she got me socks and jocks

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top