FabSwingers.com forum: undeleted messages

By *cotty1376 OP Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

How do people take " read " but undeleted messages, by that i mean in what context should they be taken.

When i message someone, i always put " if there is no attraction or interest , please just delete message and i will understand " but i have numerous that have been read, without reply and not been deleted , just out of interest i wonder how you would be thinking . Thanks Scott x

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By *aughtynottsCouple
over a year ago

Outside Nottingham

I leave some messages unread as I’m considering them or the reply I’m going to give but I can’t say for everyone, I wouldn’t say leaning on read is a bad thing they might be considering you for future when the mood takes them x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would be thinking that if they haven't answered, they aren't interested and that I should leave them alone and move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ll read messages 10 at a time then try to go back and delete the ones I’m not interested in. This isn’t always immediately as I may be chatting to someone else or opening new messages.

Ignore your sent messages and forget about them, then you won’t know what’s be read or not

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By *cotty1376 OP Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

Thank you for the feedback, I will ignore them and move on ????

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By *iner69erMan
over a year ago

inverness

99% of messages I send are unread. The few that are read are just left undeleted,with even fewer replying,which is always no thanks. The women who have deleted my messages are obviously not interested/don't like what I look like,etc, so it always puzzles me why they leave them. Surely they should just delete so their messages don't get all cluttered up?

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By *cotty1376 OP Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

"99% of messages I send are unread. The few that are read are just left undeleted,with even fewer replying,which is always no thanks. The women who have deleted my messages are obviously not interested/don't like what I look like,etc, so it always puzzles me why they leave them. Surely they should just delete so their messages don't get all cluttered up?"

That was my original thought , plus with me saying if not interested please delete so I get the message ( out of politeness so I dont message again and clog up there inbox )

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

That was my original thought , plus with me saying if not interested please delete so I get the message ( out of politeness so I dont message again and clog up there inbox ) "

It's sooo simple...send a message. You'll get a reply or you wont.

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By *iner69erMan
over a year ago

inverness

That was my original thought , plus with me saying if not interested please delete so I get the message ( out of politeness so I dont message again and clog up there inbox )

It's sooo simple...send a message. You'll get a reply or you wont."
yes, but that doesn't clear up why they leave messages undeleted, if they ain't interested

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That was my original thought , plus with me saying if not interested please delete so I get the message ( out of politeness so I dont message again and clog up there inbox )

It's sooo simple...send a message. You'll get a reply or you wont.yes, but that doesn't clear up why they leave messages undeleted, if they ain't interested "

What does it matter? I have tonnes that are read and not deleted. It doesn’t mean anything.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

That was my original thought , plus with me saying if not interested please delete so I get the message ( out of politeness so I dont message again and clog up there inbox )

It's sooo simple...send a message. You'll get a reply or you wont.yes, but that doesn't clear up why they leave messages undeleted, if they ain't interested "

There's nothing to 'clear up'!

Nobody owes you any explanation of anything. Send a message and forget about it.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

That was my original thought , plus with me saying if not interested please delete so I get the message ( out of politeness so I dont message again and clog up there inbox )

It's sooo simple...send a message. You'll get a reply or you wont.yes, but that doesn't clear up why they leave messages undeleted, if they ain't interested

There's nothing to 'clear up'!

Nobody owes you any explanation of anything. Send a message and forget about it."

Oh and don't forget messages can be read and then marked unread.

Why you want to get yourself tied up in knots about something you have zero control of is baffling.

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By *cotty1376 OP Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

I'm definitely not tied up in knots about it, I just didn't understand the reasoning about it , if your not interested, wouldn't it just be easier and more respectful to the sender ? I just wanted peoples thoughts on the matter , I am not that self conscious to let it worry me

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"I'm definitely not tied up in knots about it, I just didn't understand the reasoning about it , if your not interested, wouldn't it just be easier and more respectful to the sender ? I just wanted peoples thoughts on the matter , I am not that self conscious to let it worry me

There is nothing to understand!

What someone does with your message is out of your control and nothing to do with you.

They will either reply or not and both ways, you have an answer.

If you try to message them again, you'll get a warning.

As for you self entitlement, nobody owes you anything. Not replying is a reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just delete it from your sent items.if they respond you'll still see your original message, if not then it doesn't matter as you'll have no visibility of it.

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By *nasuitMan
over a year ago

Ruislip

Read and not deleted is the worst possible outcome. It means that your message was so dull and uninspiring that the recipient has fallen into a catatonic trance thinking all human existence is pointless and now can't even muster the will to hit the delete icon.

That's the way I read it anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ignore your outbox, it's your inbox that matters.

Everyone deals with things their own way.

It could mean they aren't so concerned about a tidy inbox.

That they're considering it, or waiting on the other half to view.

All that matters is the reply, if there's no reply then that's a reply in itself.

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By *cotty1376 OP Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

"Just delete it from your sent items.if they respond you'll still see your original message, if not then it doesn't matter as you'll have no visibility of it. "

Thank you for the none critical advise , much appreciated x

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By *cotty1376 OP Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

"Ignore your outbox, it's your inbox that matters.

Everyone deals with things their own way.

It could mean they aren't so concerned about a tidy inbox.

That they're considering it, or waiting on the other half to view.

All that matters is the reply, if there's no reply then that's a reply in itself. "

That's what I did and have taken it in the way you've said , the post was just to see if people counted it as non etiquette, I'm sure it would just be more polite

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By *cotty1376 OP Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

"Read and not deleted is the worst possible outcome. It means that your message was so dull and uninspiring that the recipient has fallen into a catatonic trance thinking all human existence is pointless and now can't even muster the will to hit the delete icon.

That's the way I read it anyway

More than likely

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I never delete messages. I just leave them as it takes time to delete

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

OP there are about 75 messages showing in a Fab inbox.

If your message is number 76 and they don't delete much you may never be seen.

There's no way to interpret this other than some people get a lot of messages and most men don't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do people take " read " but undeleted messages, by that i mean in what context should they be taken.

Unless they've replied they're not interested.

Thought that would be obvious lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I delete the contents of my sent box.

There’s nothing to wonder about, and a reply is a surprise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ignore your outbox, it's your inbox that matters.

Everyone deals with things their own way.

It could mean they aren't so concerned about a tidy inbox.

That they're considering it, or waiting on the other half to view.

All that matters is the reply, if there's no reply then that's a reply in itself.

That's what I did and have taken it in the way you've said , the post was just to see if people counted it as non etiquette, I'm sure it would just be more polite "

Trouble is, being polite doesn't always result in a polite return.

Sometimes a polite no thank you prompts an abusive response and sometimes they try to convince us to change our minds, and sometimes even to the point of begging.

I tend to reply to messages, though I can understand how people may be put off and prefer to spend their time online replying to those that interest them.

I mean, don't forget we've all got lives going on away from this site and this scene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a couple, one of us will open our messages and read them. They will then be left until the other sees them too.

Only then will we reply or delete.

Sometimes they can sit there for a few days.

Viv

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A good example, have a read of our profile.

We still receive 20-30 messages daily, most in the hope to arrange a meet.

When we're looking, that amount can multiply.

Whilst replying to several messages with a no thank you, more messages arrive due to us being online.

Don't take offence, just realise we're all here for what we personally seek, and with a life away from here, we all will prioritise in our own way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fire and forget. Frustrating but the only decent thing to do. If they want to get back to you they will. If it's someone I'd really like to meet and I suspect they just missed it. I'll send another in a month or so. I really need to work on my profile.

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By *ogisticalBigManMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Trouble is, being polite doesn't always result in a polite return.

Sometimes a polite no thank you prompts an abusive response and sometimes they try to convince us to change our minds, and sometimes even to the point of begging.

I tend to reply to messages, though I can understand how people may be put off and prefer to spend their time online replying to those that interest them.

I mean, don't forget we've all got lives going on away from this site and this scene.

Was gonna out something like this myself.

Add to the fact that your message could be 1 of 1000's in the case of popular single females you're more chance getting struck by lightning.....well.....almost.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will send a single message to start with.

If they read the message and don't reply or delete it, I assume they're busy and wait one week at least, maybe longer, before messaging a second and final time.

I will then send a second message.

If they read and do not reply to the second message, I will either:

A) leave a note on their profile saying 'not compatible' if I have a silver supporter sub or

B) block them and move on if I no longer have an active sub. This is because they're not interested and it saves me from messaging them again three months down the line if my sub has ended and I can no longer access notes or messaging history.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Today Ive received over 1100 messages. For me to open, read, reply or delete would take forever. I open the ones that pique my interest but never delete as it wastes my time.

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By *cotty1376 OP Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

"Today Ive received over 1100 messages. For me to open, read, reply or delete would take forever. I open the ones that pique my interest but never delete as it wastes my time."

Thank you for the reply, probably explains the original question,I appreciate the feeddback

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By *iner69erMan
over a year ago

inverness

"Ignore your outbox, it's your inbox that matters.

Everyone deals with things their own way.

It could mean they aren't so concerned about a tidy inbox.

That they're considering it, or waiting on the other half to view.

All that matters is the reply, if there's no reply then that's a reply in itself.

That's what I did and have taken it in the way you've said , the post was just to see if people counted it as non etiquette, I'm sure it would just be more polite

Trouble is, being polite doesn't always result in a polite return.

Sometimes a polite no thank you prompts an abusive response and sometimes they try to convince us to change our minds, and sometimes even to the point of begging.

"
you've actually had guys begging to meet? They can't take the hint then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we read and don’t reply then that’s pretty obviously a no isn’t it?

We have absolutely no obligation to you or to follow any of your instructions.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

That was my original thought , plus with me saying if not interested please delete so I get the message ( out of politeness so I dont message again and clog up there inbox )

It's sooo simple...send a message. You'll get a reply or you wont.yes, but that doesn't clear up why they leave messages undeleted, if they ain't interested

What does it matter? I have tonnes that are read and not deleted. It doesn’t mean anything."

It comes down simply to it being their choice as to how to deal with messages received & how to deal with them!!

Don't forget, Females and also MF Couples often get inundated with messages. One female in my area recently posted she'd received over 500 messages and asked senders to bear with her as she was working her way through them, but couldn't possibly answer everyone.

Therefore, if your message is read but not deleted, it's a case of them eventually dealing with it in their own time; they have a life to lead On and Off FAB.

For you, just move on and approach someone else. Leave them to their own Admin process.

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By *ixenandhoundCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth, South west

We leave messages read but undeleted for a couple reasons

We're not both on here at the same time so one can read it but the other might not have yet

If you have persistent messegers then it's easy to see who they are when messages are not deleted. You can easily see who just sends the same generic message to a bunch of people. I have 5 or 6 word for word same messages from the same person so I know they're not really interested.... just launching their net wide

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ignore your outbox, it's your inbox that matters.

Everyone deals with things their own way.

It could mean they aren't so concerned about a tidy inbox.

That they're considering it, or waiting on the other half to view.

All that matters is the reply, if there's no reply then that's a reply in itself.

That's what I did and have taken it in the way you've said , the post was just to see if people counted it as non etiquette, I'm sure it would just be more polite

Trouble is, being polite doesn't always result in a polite return.

Sometimes a polite no thank you prompts an abusive response and sometimes they try to convince us to change our minds, and sometimes even to the point of begging.

you've actually had guys begging to meet? They can't take the hint then."

Yes, after a polite no, pleading, saying they'll do anything.

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

Widnes

Concentrate on the inbox and not the sent box. Different people deal with messages differently. No point stressing on what might happen, if they are going to respond, they will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That was my original thought , plus with me saying if not interested please delete so I get the message ( out of politeness so I dont message again and clog up there inbox )

It's sooo simple...send a message. You'll get a reply or you wont.yes, but that doesn't clear up why they leave messages undeleted, if they ain't interested

What does it matter? I have tonnes that are read and not deleted. It doesn’t mean anything.

It comes down simply to it being their choice as to how to deal with messages received & how to deal with them!!

Therefore, if your message is read but not deleted, it's a case of them eventually dealing with it in their own time; they have a life to lead On and Off FAB.

For you, just move on and approach someone else. Leave them to their own Admin process. "

I got 1100 messages yesterday. It's far too time consuming to even read them all, never mind delete them.

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

"Ignore your outbox, it's your inbox that matters.

Everyone deals with things their own way.

It could mean they aren't so concerned about a tidy inbox.

That they're considering it, or waiting on the other half to view.

All that matters is the reply, if there's no reply then that's a reply in itself.

That's what I did and have taken it in the way you've said , the post was just to see if people counted it as non etiquette, I'm sure it would just be more polite "

OP, I’m trying to find a way of putting this nicely. This site is full of men trying to tell women how to act. That we should be replying with a polite no thankyou to messages, delete messages, block everyone we’re not interested in, shave everything, not shave anything, wear heels, go barefoot…it’s constant and it is ALL rude. Telling other people how to act is not polite.

If swinging is stressing you out so much that you are checking your outbox to see who deleted and who didn’t, please consider stepping away, because that really doesn’t sound healthy?

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By *cotty1376 OP Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

"Ignore your outbox, it's your inbox that matters.

Everyone deals with things their own way.

It could mean they aren't so concerned about a tidy inbox.

That they're considering it, or waiting on the other half to view.

All that matters is the reply, if there's no reply then that's a reply in itself.

That's what I did and have taken it in the way you've said , the post was just to see if people counted it as non etiquette, I'm sure it would just be more polite

If swinging is stressing you out so much that you are checking your outbox to see who deleted and who didn’t, please consider stepping away, because that really doesn’t sound healthy?"

I think you have got me all wrong , I am not stressing or having s go at anyone for what they do with messages either sent or received , your making it out like I'm a control freak that demands they delete if not interested, I dont, I ask politely. All I wanted was others options on the subject . Ffs I've had loads not even read or replied to , I am an adult and I do understand the site

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By *cotty1376 OP Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

Meant to say opinions not options *

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By *mma29Couple
over a year ago

wirral

To be honest I used to try and reply to all messages but now the silly ones and rude ones I dont bother, but I have never deleted a message until recently. I just left them there thinking if they message again I'll know what was said and who they are.

I block and delete more now as it just saves time getting the same message a month or so later of guys who haven't read my profile once anyway.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"Ignore your outbox, it's your inbox that matters.

Everyone deals with things their own way.

It could mean they aren't so concerned about a tidy inbox.

That they're considering it, or waiting on the other half to view.

All that matters is the reply, if there's no reply then that's a reply in itself.

That's what I did and have taken it in the way you've said , the post was just to see if people counted it as non etiquette, I'm sure it would just be more polite

If swinging is stressing you out so much that you are checking your outbox to see who deleted and who didn’t, please consider stepping away, because that really doesn’t sound healthy?

Then why bother starting this thread!

You said in one of your earlier posts you consider it to be polite to delete messages and wanted to know why people don't and all your answers have been along the lines of 'it's a non issue'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't focus too much on it, we have had a few non replies ourselves. If they've read your message and not replied just move on. If they're just busy they may later reply and if not no foul.

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By *cotty1376 OP Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

"Ignore your outbox, it's your inbox that matters.

Everyone deals with things their own way.

It could mean they aren't so concerned about a tidy inbox.

That they're considering it, or waiting on the other half to view.

All that matters is the reply, if there's no reply then that's a reply in itself.

That's what I did and have taken it in the way you've said , the post was just to see if people counted it as non etiquette, I'm sure it would just be more polite

If swinging is stressing you out so much that you are checking your outbox to see who deleted and who didn’t, please consider stepping away, because that really doesn’t sound healthy?"

Please dont turn this into sexism reply, cause believe it or not , not all men are like that ! Some are polite and have respect, if you read the comment properly it says I ask politely if would delete message if not interested , why would I step away just because I look if a message has or hasn't been read? Sorry but got more balls than that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give em a two day break. Then delete your message and block them. I do this just to remind me not to message again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/04/22 16:25:20]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ignore your outbox, it's your inbox that matters.

Everyone deals with things their own way.

It could mean they aren't so concerned about a tidy inbox.

That they're considering it, or waiting on the other half to view.

All that matters is the reply, if there's no reply then that's a reply in itself.

That's what I did and have taken it in the way you've said , the post was just to see if people counted it as non etiquette, I'm sure it would just be more polite

If swinging is stressing you out so much that you are checking your outbox to see who deleted and who didn’t, please consider stepping away, because that really doesn’t sound healthy?"

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

"As a couple, one of us will open our messages and read them. They will then be left until the other sees them too.

Only then will we reply or delete.

Sometimes they can sit there for a few days.

Viv"

This! We're the same. If one of has read, and wants to show the other befire replying. It could sit for a while.

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By *herryEatersCouple
over a year ago

East Cheshire

We leave a day or two then delete. They may have had something interrupt them or at work etc... We prefer the delete or block crew so you at least know where you stand

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

OP appreciates the advice from naked single women only, give up everyone else

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

That's what I did and have taken it in the way you've said , the post was just to see if people counted it as non etiquette, I'm sure it would just be more polite

If swinging is stressing you out so much that you are checking your outbox to see who deleted and who didn’t, please consider stepping away, because that really doesn’t sound healthy?"

This... I don't like being told what to do, "let me know either way" ain't got time for that! No reply = no thanks.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Please dont turn this into sexism reply, cause believe it or not , not all men are like that ! Some are polite and have respect, if you read the comment properly it says I ask politely if would delete message if not interested , why would I step away just because I look if a message has or hasn't been read? Sorry but got more balls than that "

Who is being sexist? Whether polite or not, women on here are fed up of men expecting more of them. FACT not sexism.

By starting this thread you put yourself in the category of expecting things, however small, from people who owe you nothing

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By *cotty1376 OP Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

Who is being sexist? Whether polite or not, women on here are fed up of men expecting more of them. FACT not sexism.

By starting this thread you put yourself in the category of expecting things, however small, from people who owe you nothing

So now because I've asked peoples opinions on a subject relevant to FAB you have now labelled me without even knowing me, but after a quick look at your profile it seems you expect an awful lot , anyway I'm not here to argue it was asking for thoughts of others on the said subject. I said thanks not just to the naked profiles either , it was the comments I appreciated, again you labelling me in some sort of way , not that I care as I know myself a lot better than you do.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Who is being sexist? Whether polite or not, women on here are fed up of men expecting more of them. FACT not sexism.

By starting this thread you put yourself in the category of expecting things, however small, from people who owe you nothing

KM didn't ask for any profile advice, that was rude and unnecessary.

If you can't see how you are coming across which let me tell you, probably isn't the best version of yourself, it demonstrates to everyone who you really are.

As Judge Judy would say "put your listening ears on"

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