FabSwingers.com forum: Anxiety, first time play!

By *3xDE OP Couple
over a year ago

nottingham

myself (Mrs) have played many times over the years but Mr and I joined the swinging side of things after much talk and agreement on what it is we are wanting.

We love the social aspect of it and attend clubs when we can. We have been invited to play a few times and he has my permission to play when working away, but his anxiety takes over so when it comes to taking the plunge he all out freezes up. He’s worried that he won’t perform or be up to scratch and I’m trying my hardest to reassure him that he has nothing to worry about but I feel like I’m getting nowhere.

Does anybody have any advice on what to do because I’m out of ideas.

We have met some gorgeous people who are all being amazingly patient but I don’t want it to appear to be as if we are waisting their time.

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By *hampagne Ted 68Man
over a year ago

Cambridge

It’s not an unusual problem at all

I think clubs are very pressurised environments for many men and it’s a challenge to relax and enjoy the moment

1-1 couple meets with another relaxed and experienced couple would be much easier to enjoy ..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Meet for soft swing only. No pressure to perform then. It might make him realise that he's ok with it after all or he might realise that it's not for him at all.

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By *3xDE OP Couple
over a year ago

nottingham

"Meet for soft swing only. No pressure to perform then. It might make him realise that he's ok with it after all or he might realise that it's not for him at all."
we have agreed that we will take it in his pace not my own and that we won’t jump in at the deep end. We have done meets but he can’t seem to get over that hill.

We have had that discussion of wether we should just give it a rest but he is keen to try, just let’s the anxiety take over instead.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

My anxiety is asking people to play. I always freeze. I have not got an issue in playing or playing if invited. Just asking to play is what scares me

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By *andSCouple
over a year ago

Old London Town

"myself (Mrs) have played many times over the years but Mr and I joined the swinging side of things after much talk and agreement on what it is we are wanting.

Does anybody have any advice on what to do because I’m out of ideas.

We have met some gorgeous people who are all being amazingly patient but I don’t want it to appear to be as if we are waisting their time. "

If you're afraid that things might not go to plan, do what we did to start off and play with each other with another couple alongside you.

In our circumstance they were doing their own thing then joined in with us. It just happened naturally.

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

Maybe you could dig into the paradox of him wanting it so much but being too nervous to do it

Fantasy doesnt have to become reality

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've been chatting through and have come up with a few possible anxiety issues that could be happening:

A good chat about your relationship away from Fab and without assertion of pressure while putting account on hidden for a bit. It could be that he isn't as confident that your relationship can handle it as much as you. He may say so but he could be scared of losing you.

He could have body issues. Though pornography has moved a long way the men on show are still largely very well endowed and this can create anxiety about personal image. Soft swing could help to relieve this especially in a more private setting where he doesn't feel that he is expected to perform like a god.

HTH x

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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough / Stamford

OP....replied privately, hope that's okay.

(Bry)

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By *licia_2021TV/TS
over a year ago

Ashby De La Zouch

"My anxiety is asking people to play. I always freeze. I have not got an issue in playing or playing if invited. Just asking to play is what scares me

Fear of rejection is one of mans biggest mountains to deal with. Just take a leap of faith and go for it.

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

"myself (Mrs) have played many times over the years but Mr and I joined the swinging side of things after much talk and agreement on what it is we are wanting.

Does anybody have any advice on what to do because I’m out of ideas.

We have met some gorgeous people who are all being amazingly patient but I don’t want it to appear to be as if we are waisting their time. "

Just take it easy and at his pace as someone has said try soft swinging. Small steps lead to big changes I think the proverb is.

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By *3xDE OP Couple
over a year ago

nottingham

We are more than secure in our relationship and have spoke about thing thorough. And yes soft play is how we have chose to start and have been offered to play while in a room with other couples but he did’nt take long to reject the offer.

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By *rnmrsrk1Couple
over a year ago

Cheshire

Viagra lol always helps with that club fright

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By *enus and Mars100Couple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

I myself (male) have very low self esteem (being short in stature). We are a great couple but my anxiety takes over about myself being "unable to produce the goods" another lady may want. Venus (my wife) is a beautiful lady and very patient. We are going to play solo for a while until we feel as a couple we can progress things further. I have to say a mans fear of being "not upto the job" is a big one and even harder to overcome. We have met great couples both on here and in a club and never once feel pressured. We are just going to go at our own pace.

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By *3xDE OP Couple
over a year ago

nottingham

" Viagra lol always helps with that club fright

"
if we run out I’m coming for your stash

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By *rnmrsrk1Couple
over a year ago

Cheshire

" Viagra lol always helps with that club fright

if we run out I’m coming for your stash

Sharing is caring lol

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By *JcouplemidlandsCouple
over a year ago

Peak District

[Removed by poster at 21/03/22 22:10:32]

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By *JcouplemidlandsCouple
over a year ago

Peak District

I know it's easier said than done but worrying about it will make the situation worse as when it comes to it that's all he will be thinking about and things won't work as they should.

Maybe chat to some couples and be upfront with them from the start as to what his concerns are, that should hopefully alleviate some of the pressure to perform. Most people would be sympathetic and would just go with the flow, sure the majority of people on here were nervous at first.

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

I had the same problem and it took a long time to get used to playing in clubs. Best thing to do is only play with each other and always go with the intention the you will NOT be playing at all! Sometimes just the thought of playing in a group gives me anxiety despite having done it many many times.

So best to not to even try and play - just go to the club with the intention of socialising and having a few drinks nothing more and after 6 months or so he will probably be relaxed enough to try and play.

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

I had an attack of nerves on one club visit and I couldn't perform at all. That stuck in my head over the following couple of visits. It's definitely a case of the more you worry it'll happen, the more likely it is to happen.

The way I got over it was to go the next time assuming I'd just be playing with my hands and tongue and just enjoying the view. It turned out that drop in performance pressure did the trick and I was like a flagpole all night

Rob

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By *iberatedduoCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne

[Removed by poster at 22/03/22 11:02:53]

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By *araJayneWoman
over a year ago

Bishop Auckland

The problem my partner seemed to have is that he really struggled if I was present, one time I was in the same building but asleep and it still caused a problem.

We play solo now and he has no such issues... our diagnoses? Mono mindset fucking with him mentally and causing a short circuit.

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

He sounds like me want it badly but scared what folk will think when he gets his cock out is it to small will I give her an orgasm will she think I’m shit in bed it all plays on your mind. Just tell him he makes you orgasm and he’s big enough for you as long as your happy other folk will join I’m gladly So I hear

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By *sianNewbieCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South East London

That's us. And me more so. But I think communication is the most important thing. I know everyone is giving there ideas. We are new ourselves. And with limited experience. But having a shared vibe, building comfort, real comfort and trust is more important to deal with the anxiety, then comes rhe rest. And actually we are more attracted to people we share that shared vibe with. The understanding. A sit makes us feel more compatible and intimate.

But whatever it is, in order to enjoy the lifestyle steps of one nature or another need to happen, no matter how small.

Find people who will respect the pace you take things, the dynamic, limits and boundaries, and those in particular that take mindfulness as an important factor. And who create a calm relaxed manner, where their eis no pressure to deliver. Starting with soft play and foreplay in your own couples before slowly taking time to entangle, might be a good way to go. Focus on the pleasure side as opposed to the materialistic look and feel of what might need to be done or encountered. And if everyone is happy to constantly check in on one another that helps too.

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By *omerset tvTV/TS
over a year ago

Weston-super-Mare

Im finding since covid and lockdown etc etc and all the stresses im finding it hard to get an erection with with a little blue pill sometimes so dont worry too much about it

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