FabSwingers.com forum: How can you tell if it's the male or female replying?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hello everyone! I'd appreciate some light on this because it's baffling me no end, recently I had built up a good rapport with a couples profile, I was convinced I had been chatting with the female on a regular basis!

I saw a rather ambiguous status by them so I asked what was wrong and it appeared they had fallen out. I continued to chat but then this happened, I was asked for my phone number again (which I had never given) she then said I loved our last morning chat (we had never spoken on the phone) so I asked whom I was talking to, and now I am blocked from the profile.

I'm really not sure as to whom I was talking to in the weeks I've built up, and now I'm nervous about going to clubs as they are regulars locally.

How can you truthfully know which party you are chatting with?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello everyone! I'd appreciate some light on this because it's baffling me no end, recently I had built up a good rapport with a couples profile, I was convinced I had been chatting with the female on a regular basis!

I'm really not sure as to whom I was talking to in the weeks I've built up, and now I'm nervous about going to clubs as they are regulars locally.

How can you truthfully know which party you are chatting with? "

In short, you can't. We all get caught like this from time to time. Some men can write 'in a feminine way' very convincingly (I've been told I can, but personally I don't believe it). All you can do is get a little wiser everytime and ask a few 'ferreting' questions early on in the chat to draw them out.

As for being nervous going to clubs due to them, why should you? You aren't the one trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes, are you? And if they are regulars and have had a falling out, maybe the other regulars don't know that and may need to be 'informed' subtly...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

In all fairness I haven't got the courage to attend a club as a single guy as yet and I just used that as a lame excuse not to go.

But I agree, I just think it was a bit sly on their part. And you can't defend yourself once blocked. I was suspicious when I noticed some chats were deleted and others were saved!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I don't meet couples, but don't you ask?

As you're being invited into their relationship don't you tailor your correspondence to include both parties, building a rapport so it doesn't matter who responds, or isn't that how it works?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm really not sure as to whom I was talking to in the weeks I've built up, and now I'm nervous about going to clubs as they are regulars locally.

How can you truthfully know which party you are chatting with? "

We always reply with J or M so that people know who they are talking to.

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By *nfieldishCouple
over a year ago

Enfield

It's always David on the PC with us...soozy doesnt know one end from another....( ooh errr)

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By *wencatWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I had this problem in the past and totally convinced sometimes the f part of the couple really don't know the other half is talking to me I always ask. them after that it's not my problem if they wanna chat but would be nice to know who u chatting with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm really not sure as to whom I was talking to in the weeks I've built up, and now I'm nervous about going to clubs as they are regulars locally.

How can you truthfully know which party you are chatting with? "

Ask. Though we say who is answering usually anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We always try and put J or S at the bottom. . I stupidly do it in forum posts too, just in case. .

S xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We end our mail with G+L if he writes un the other way round if I do, I don't reply to most mail tho and I don't think he writes in the forums lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we end our mail with persons name who is writing it always followed by the other.

(Perky)

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Ask. But until you know for certain write as though it's both of them.

Don't get drawn into saucy chat unless you are sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to have a joint profile (elsewhere) and it was common for singles to ask who they were talking to.

We had agreed prior to setting the profile up that the answer to that question would always be 'both of us'

Oh how that seemed to mess with peoples heads.

If someone has the inability or lacks the confidence to chat with two people anonymously online, how would they get on during a physical meet ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In all fairness I haven't got the courage to attend a club as a single guy as yet and I just used that as a lame excuse not to go.

But I agree, I just think it was a bit sly on their part. And you can't defend yourself once blocked. I was suspicious when I noticed some chats were deleted and others were saved! "

Then, if you suspect that only one half of the couple is now masquerading as such, you can still look up their profile (blocked or otherwise) and report them. 'Technically' it becomes a fake (well certainly to me it does) and that is grounds for reporting.

As for clubs, deep breath mate, and dive in - you know what they say: 'The first time is the worst time (sweetie xx)' Lol!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we end our mail with persons name who is writing it always followed by the other.

(Perky)"

Indeed we do.

(Pork)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm really not sure as to whom I was talking to in the weeks I've built up, and now I'm nervous about going to clubs as they are regulars locally.

How can you truthfully know which party you are chatting with?

We always reply with J or M so that people know who they are talking to.

'Think what the OP was getting at is that the remaining half of the couple was masquerading as the other one (i.e. the male making out he was the fem) in which case it doesn't matter what they put at the end of the message to 'identify' themselves, as it's fake isn't it...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone! I think there was a bit of confusion with my first message, I always did ask and was always told it was the female, this is why when "she" started saying things that had clearly not happened. Ie speaking on the phone. I asked again only to be blocked.

Maybe I should report them. I certainly can't name and shame.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I used to have a joint profile (elsewhere) and it was common for singles to ask who they were talking to.

We had agreed prior to setting the profile up that the answer to that question would always be 'both of us'

Oh how that seemed to mess with peoples heads.

If someone has the inability or lacks the confidence to chat with two people anonymously online, how would they get on during a physical meet ?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you can ever know for sure who you are chatting to. I've chatted to a few couples where they claimed it was the female half but I was sure it was the male.

I'm also on a couple profile and we both have access to it but I say in the profile text that it will usually be me mailing. I always sign the mail as me so that they know who they are chatting to, and he does the same when he gets online.

OP you haven't done anything wrong, they are the ones that were messing you about so don't feel bad. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wife always says you can tell when a woman is replying as the grammer is spot on,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not fool proof but i always suspect its the guy when they get pervy quite early on... maybe ask them to cam to verify they are genuine as you've been messed around before - if genuine they should understand... also maybe try go for coulples with verified by others veris...good luck

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By *weetcorruptionCouple
over a year ago

At home

We were always under the impression that if you contacted a couple then you should always address the messages to them both anyway,its good manners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's only ever both. It may be a few hours or even a day apart but anything sent to US is read by us. Some banter may be either one of us of course but if your words are not suitable to be read by us as a couple, don't type them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We both have access,

Most of the time it's me responding but sometimes not, try to make clear who is who but I suspect as I'm straight I won't be trying to con a bloke!

James

or Tor or hang

On James oh god who

Am I?

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By *thlete0Couple
over a year ago

southend

If you are talking to a couple you should be addressing both of us! So it doesn't matter!

If you want to speak to just one of us then laters potatoes...

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By *rSwaggerMan
over a year ago

Northants

[Removed by poster at 20/10/12 02:35:41]

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By *rSwaggerMan
over a year ago

Northants

I have 2 ways to fish out the guys trying to be women as within a couple..

Either.. contact the people you see on cam and you know your getting a reply from the female half or both which is good too..

OR i simply ask for a quick fire answer to so what is the ariola ??

Most guys wont know and yo wont hear back.

Happy Swinging and run to the nearest club

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm normally the one who replies to the messages but Ruth always reads them. and if your unsure then just ask? that being said I sometimes am confused who I'm talking to. from my limited experience though the men generally are shorter and less constructive with replies.

Dave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's usually me (Mercedes) doing the messaging and txting. I always use lots of xxxxs so guys know it's me as Benz never would

Benz is always aware of what I'm saying and whats being said.

I can usually tell just by style of writing if it's female or male.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

"We were always under the impression that if you contacted a couple then you should always address the messages to them both anyway,its good manners.

Indeed, that's how I write messages to couples... saves lots of hassle.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

"I have 2 ways to fish out the guys trying to be women as within a couple..

Either.. contact the people you see on cam and you know your getting a reply from the female half or both which is good too..

OR i simply ask for a quick fire answer to so what is the ariola ??

Most guys wont know and yo wont hear back.

Happy Swinging and run to the nearest club"

Wow... really? Most guys don't know what it is? Even if they didn't know, have they not heard of Google?

ps - it's areola

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Ariola Pastry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We always reply with J or M so that people know who they are talking to.

I sometimes do this too!

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

You reply with J or M...?

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

i think the general answer is that you can't.....

but then I wouldn't put anything in an email I wouldn't be happy with both people seeing..........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We often get friends wondering who's answering messages on here, if it's me (Lynne) I put my name first the Andy's and add a kiss. If it's Andy I don't think he leaves kisses lol. Never had a problem with it though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We just ask outright lol no one seems to have been offended by it

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By *weetcheekstooWoman
over a year ago

southampton

I saw a rather ambiguous status by them so I asked what was wrong and it appeared they had fallen out. I continued to chat but then this

happened, I was asked for my phone number again (which I had never given) she then said I loved our last morning chat (we had never spoken on the phone) so I asked whom I was talking to, and now I am blocked from the profile.

I'm really not sure as to whom I was talking to in the weeks I've built up, and now I'm nervous about going to clubs as they are regulars locally.

How can you truthfully know which party you are chatting with? "

you cant unless you have really good intuition

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm really not sure as to whom I was talking to in the weeks I've built up, and now I'm nervous about going to clubs as they are regulars locally.

How can you truthfully know which party you are chatting with? "

sounds to be like you have been talking to the woman and the guys found out and not been happy about it some come on pretending to be here to try and catch her out by saying things to see what your reply was

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"How can you truthfully know which party you are chatting with? "

Kid does the pic viewing

but it's Ol who posts 99% of the time

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By *idsmixedcplCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands

I do 90% of the checking/posting etc on here ( Beth) but got up this morning to find a message saying we were banned from chat for directing after I'dvgone to bed, so have told him to get his own bloody profile instead of bringing me into disrepute!

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By *abmamsCouple
over a year ago

near fleet, hants

We don't know the details so cannot give you any comfort so the answer is You will never know, maybe you hinted that you wanted female alone and the male part was just seeing the way you were going.

Without knowing what you have communicated no one can give you answer you want to hear

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By *eminiman61Man
over a year ago

mansfield

Iv had similar things ie assuming that a message ending with a kiss/x was the F coz the profile said the M was straight so I answered with a x only to be told it was the M..... Iv cum to the conclusion that it could just be a single guy messing about..... Has as been said above ask to cam,chat or meet....if its a guy he'll block knowing his games up

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

You can never be 100% sure....

Even if they do put name on end of message....

Always chat as if both there....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to find men call me Hun, or babe, not always the case buts it's a good yard stick with which to begin with

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By *YLINDERCouple
over a year ago

CARDIFF

xxxx i always put kisses on my messages ..hubby would never send kisses xxx

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

To all the couples that have stated that they do this or that....

How easy would it be for your OH to imitate that?????

Not saying YOUR OH would do it....but sadly some others do....

There is no sure fore way of knowing....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate when I actually sign my name and the reply still says - 'r u the fem or male'.

Eh, read the profile....end of conversation.

Dee....thats the female before you ask! Ha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To all the couples that have stated that they do this or that....

How easy would it be for your OH to imitate that?????

Not saying YOUR OH would do it....but sadly some others do....

There is no sure fore way of knowing...."

I have chatted to 'couples' and supposedly was chatting to the bloke some times and the female the other times. Funny how the spelling errors/ style of chat was exactly the same for both.

I once had a chat pal for quite a long time. Supposedly a woman but I knew within a few times of chatting that it was a bloke. However we got on great and as it didn't bother me at all I carried on chatting as it was fun. Unfortunately I made the mistake of one day saying that I knew 'she' was actually a 'he'. I lost a good mate as s/he never mailed again.

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By *evilwolfCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

If they are a genuine couple then does it really matter which one of the couple you are "talking" to? Wolf generally deals with all the emails we get, and if he thinks I would be interested in meeting up then he would tell me, but he normally tells me what mail we get anyway. We usually find that most of the males that message us automatically assume that they are talking to me 'devil', then they get a shock when Wolf says it's him.. lol.. although I do sometimes answer "difficult" mails.. lol..

Devil

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By *rSwaggerMan
over a year ago

Northants

"I have 2 ways to fish out the guys trying to be women as within a couple..

Either.. contact the people you see on cam and you know your getting a reply from the female half or both which is good too..

OR i simply ask for a quick fire answer to so what is the ariola ??

Most guys wont know and yo wont hear back.

Happy Swinging and run to the nearest club

Wow... really? Most guys don't know what it is? Even if they didn't know, have they not heard of Google?

ps - it's areola

Hence quick fire answer.

And yes i know the spelling.. just got back of a 27 hour 3 stopover flight and excuse me for the typo after 4 days no sleep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tend to find men call me Hun, or babe, not always the case buts it's a good yard stick with which to begin with "
oh dear i am a offender of that

and i am defintely female but most know its me typing as i write hundreds of xxxxx with everything while oreo is more reserved with the kisses

xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To all the couples that have stated that they do this or that....

How easy would it be for your OH to imitate that?????

Not saying YOUR OH would do it....but sadly some others do....

There is no sure fore way of knowing...."
it would be very easy for him too but then if i start worrying about him doing that and start doubting my trust in him then here is not the place for our relationship imo. this kind of lifestyle is only good if u trust and they trust u otherwise the doubts could tear u apart xxxxxxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My hubby and I often come on here together but sometimes on our own, I honestly think that 95 percent of the couples we speak to are men. They offer meets etc so when we ask them to withold number and make a quick call to say hi, suddenly the female us at work or at the gym etc etc etc .

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By *coobyroo218Couple
over a year ago

Guernsey

You can always tell who is typing when its me or the mrs, her punctuation is alot better than me and her spelling is better too.

But failing that we always cam with a couple to make sure they are who they say they are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm really not sure as to whom I was talking to in the weeks I've built up, and now I'm nervous about going to clubs as they are regulars locally.

How can you truthfully know which party you are chatting with? "

We will always say with private messages but on the forums its pot luck so you will have to guess.

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By *orkieMan
over a year ago

Who knows

Gotta ask the question, if you are mailing a COUPLE then why are you not including both of them into your "rapport"

I have a couples profile on here, yes it genuine and verified by meeting. When we are in communication with anyone if all the dialogue is directed to just one of us then its just a fastrack to Blocksville

No clues are given as to who is answering as we have had incoming from the saddo's with their imaginary female other half

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Listen I think this has gone a bit crazy! I always include couples in my rapport, on this occasion I was lead to believe that it was the female chatting on this particular occasion! All I was asking for was a bit of advice as to what to do about the whole thing. Whether I should report them or not and what to watch out for in the future. Suddenly I'm in the wrong somehow.

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