FabSwingers.com forum: Rejection

By *nfiablepeak OP Man
over a year ago

Around and about

Hello all, I hope this message finds you all well, other than everyone missing a few fence panels this weekend

Anyway back to my post, to be honest I'm really struggling with rejection or more importantly no replies, and really it sure what more I can do, I'm obviously uglier than I thought haha, I always send a photo with my message and honest and open but it rarely gets me anywhere other than Pornhub.... What's a guy to do ....? Answers on a postcard ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello all, I hope this message finds you all well, other than everyone missing a few fence panels this weekend

If your 100% honest with yourself are you messaging people who are for what you are offering?

There are hundreds of men for every woman on here, maybe even thousands.

I'm am yet to come across a female profile who is seeking a submissive man.

I imagine they must exist but even then what are the odds you fit the rest of the criteria they seek?

You need to have realistic expectations and a thick skin when it comes to fab.

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By *nfiablepeak OP Man
over a year ago

Around and about

[Removed by poster at 21/02/22 02:34:19]

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By *nfiablepeak OP Man
over a year ago

Around and about

I have messaged people both as Vanilla me and submissive me, and also had a total rewording of my profile many times, I've just recently stick with this one as it how I'm feeling at the mo, I don't always live this lifestyle 24/7… at a loss really and understand all women get a 100 messages to my none haha X

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"I have messaged people both as Vanilla me and submissive me, and also had a total rewording of my profile many times, I've just recently stick with this one as it how I'm feeling at the mo, I don't always live this lifestyle 24/7… at a loss really and understand all women get a 100 messages to my none haha X"

We can't give you advice on a certain aspect until you ask for it, this might be the problem.

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By *ereHere4sheersMan
over a year ago

Dartford

This site is ridiculously and notoriously difficult to unearth the diamond meets or ladies you are looking for. Will often leave you totally empty and in a state of doing yourself all manner of mind-bending damage to yourself.

Makes normality or the simple things seem like they’re niche, I might suggest that you try other sites or mediums as this is in essence a swingers site, although it of course gets used in other ways, but the seemingly low level of success where you’re concentrating all your efforts is of course going to have an effect on your morale.

Don’t let it mess with your head too much, whole heap of reasons that you aren’t getting replies (time wasters, attention seeking missiles, people who put themselves on a pedestal - sellers market to be fair, awful as that sounds! Or just others who look for special interests!)

Sometimes it seems like the last place you go if you’re just a regular Joe looking for a lay.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This place can and will drive you nuts if you let it. Best to limit your expectations and accept you have a vanishingly small chance of success.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been on here a while now was part of a couple but we separated and went our own way, when we where a couple we where getting a few interested but nothing came of it after we split we had separate profiles and she actually showed me some of the messages she received and the majority where downright sickening so I can understand why the ladies are so defensive but us genuine guys are also getting blocked and struggling to find ladies that are willing to at least get to know us first

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

[Removed by poster at 21/02/22 07:28:30]

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"I've been on here a while now was part of a couple but we separated and went our own way, when we where a couple we where getting a few

interested but nothing came of it after we split we had separate profiles and she actually showed me some of the messages she received and the majority where downright sickening so I can understand why the ladies are so defensive but us genuine guys are also getting blocked and struggling to find ladies that are willing to at least get to know us first "

Some of the msgs we get as couple are vile. It ruins it for everyone.

It's quite shocking that some men don't know how to speak to women. Especially the younger generation, and by no means do I mean them all before I'm jumped on. I blame the porn industry for that.

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By *ussexcouple40Couple
over a year ago

Sussex

You have had 5 meets with women. I'd say you have done well considering what you want is quite specific and not for everyone.

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By *aseMan
over a year ago

Gourock

"I've been on here a while now was part of a couple but we separated and went our own way, when we where a couple we where getting a few

Some of the msgs we get as couple are vile. It ruins it for everyone.

It's quite shocking that some men don't know how to speak to women. Especially the younger generation, and by no means do I mean them all before I'm jumped on. I blame the porn industry for that.

"
So what about the nice messages you get ! Just block the ones sending vile messages, Simple..

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

You really do need a thick skin on fab especially as there are around 100 men for every woman or couple on here, so the odds aren't good for single guys, you really need to stand out and sadly your profile just doesn't do that, although you do have a verification which is more than most profile have so you are obviously doing something right

If you pop profile help in the forum search bar you'll find hundreds if not thousands of similar posts and the common theme on all of them is that they will come from people with no profile photo like yourself

Unfortunately for you, lots of people use no profile photo as a simple filter and delete any messages before even opening them so it doesn't matter that you've attached a photo within your message as they won't get that far

After that lots will open a profile before opening a message (because as soon as you open the message the sender knows & you'll often then get extra messages chasing fot reply, even getting abusive that you haven't replied etc) & again you have no photos, nothing to entice us in and want us to find out more. so you've given people 2 reasons to delete your message before even opening it

Add a main profile pic & some extra pics to your profile, they don't have to be face pics, nude etc they can be clothed with head cropped, something to give an idea of who you are your body shape to see if there's an attraction etc

Then look at the messages you are sending, who you are sending them to, are you genuinely what they are looking for, or are you just what you think they are looking for, you kind of fit the bill but not quite but your hoping they won't notice or you'll be able to change their mind, as honestly most of the messages I receive fall into that catagory & actually make me think has my bio been deleted can they not see I'm looking for XYZ when they are obviously ABC & I'll come out of the message & reread my bio to make sure I'm not going crazy

Hope some of what I've written helps

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By *ft5 surpiseMan
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

Just be you someone will take interest at some point

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By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester

We rarely engage with a guy who has no profile pic and no public photos. I prefer getting winks so can wink back after we’ve looked at the profile. It seems less brutal than not replying to a message or replying saying thanks, but no thanks x

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

You have no photos

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think you’d get many replies without any public pics or a profile pic. Most people click the profile before opening the message and if they can’t see who they’re talking to will just delete it.

In our experience most (not all) profiles with no pics usually send lazy messages and attach a dick pic. We try to reply to most messages but anything like that and it’s an instant delete from us.

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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough / Stamford

As others have said, OP, a quick way for single women to filter their messages (and they can get hundreds in a week) is to just delete everything with no profile pic. That's you knocked out in the first round and they've not even read your message or looked at your pics (of which none are public).

You really need this pointed out?

(Bry)

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By *nfiablepeak OP Man
over a year ago

Around and about

Thankyou all for your kind words and advice, but can I firstly explain I have submissive tendencies, I'm not brain-dead, most of you clearly state public photos for people to view, yes I hear you but not always possible, small town = small minded folks which in turn affects my job, I always send photos with my first message and I'm not shy in sending photos on request but do expect at least one in return, the problem is most women have 1000 messages to answer so why should they bother with little old me.....

To the others whom seem to understand thankyou for your kind words, it seems it's not just me whom struggles....

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By *nfiablepeak OP Man
over a year ago

Around and about

In other news I actually could be butt ugly to the fairer sex.... Haha

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

"... small town = small minded folks which in turn affects my job...

You are lucky. I live on the edge of London and far more people are likely to recognise me!

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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough / Stamford

"I'm not brain-dead, most of you clearly state public photos for people to view, yes I hear you but not always possible, small town = small minded folks which in turn affects my job"

There's an awful lot of options for photos that don't actually identify you.

(Bry)

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

"Hello all, I hope this message finds you all well, other than everyone missing a few fence panels this weekend

We reply to almost everyone but not profiles with no public pics.

Usually if a profile is 12 months old with no verifications, its thanks but no thanks but these have been unusual times.

Not reading profile, about 95%, it's no reply and a block.

Those who have a decent profile with a few photos, have verifications and read our profile, maybe take it further.

Good luck.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

What does unfiable mean ?

I wouldn't open your message and see the attached pic as I don't read messages without profile pics.

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

Go to socials ...or better still go to your local smart pub on a Friday or sat evening and chat to all the single woman...

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By *arrior PrincessWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I wouldn't consider your profile because firstly you have no picture. As someone else said, the picture doesn't have to identify you but no picture shows no effort.

Next you mention the word discrete in your headline, and then mention it again in the text...for me that often means married. Not always but when you are getting lots of messages as a woman, it's something that makes me suspicious, rightly or wrongly.

If you just want meets, then I would take out the bit about you being submissive. You can always explore that at a later date with a fb.

And then the sentence 'just want to excite and please on ANY level' makes you sound like you don't really value yourself.

I don't want to sound harsh with any of this but as others have said single males are 10 a penny, anything off putting will greatly hinder your chances.

Good luck xx

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

"I wouldn't consider your profile because firstly you have no picture. As someone else said, the picture doesn't have to identify you but no picture shows no effort.

If you just want meets, then I would take out the bit about you being submissive. You can always explore that at a later date with a fb.

And then the sentence 'just want to excite and please on ANY level' makes you sound like you don't really value yourself.

I don't want to sound harsh with any of this but as others have said single males are 10 a penny, anything off putting will greatly hinder your chances.

Good luck xx "

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

...Next you mention the word discrete in your headline, and then mention it again in the text...for me that often means married. ...

One thing is for sure, it doesn't mean the same thing as 'discreet', which I'm sure was what was really meant.

I wish more people would learn the difference between these two words!

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Really quickly...

The user name is odd... I had to Google what it meant, does nothing to inspire me.

Lack of a profile pic, does nothing to inspire me.

I'm sure no one would recognise you from a dressed pic, from the shoulders down? That's just one reasonable option.

And yes, women do get lots of mail, which is why your profile needs to stand out.

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By *ixxxWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

I'll be honest, the first thing I do on opening my inbox is scan down and delete any that don't have a profile pic. I don't even open the message to see I there's a photo inside. So, maybe add a profile pic (doesn't need to be identifiable if that's a worry - your hands or chest or whatever would work).

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By *JcouplemidlandsCouple
over a year ago

Peak District

In general I think profiles with no pictures tend to get ignored. Public photos don't need to show the face or cock but having something there will show that some effort has gone into the profile. We are within a few miles of you and it is no different here than any other town. This isn't meant as a dig but hopefully may help. All the best.

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By *haggydogMan
over a year ago

Brooklands/London

I'd suggest taking a break. Or learning to accept rejection. The odds are stacked heavily against us guys. So don't beat yourself up over it.

Chin up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Silhouette picture. Straight delete. You can still be discreet but include a pic.

Chest, bum. Arms even..

My list is usually

Silhouette,

Dick avatar

Dick pics repeated in profile

No profile text

Any of these are instant delete. X

You gotta stand out from the crowd X

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By *uffolkClareClactonDaveCouple
over a year ago

Felixstowe/Clacton-on-Sea

As others have said, you have no profile pic so that would count against you straight away as people like to see who they're going to be playing with.

Secondly, get yourself to a club on a greedy girls night. Talk to people and start networking. I started going as a single guy and now have a swinging partner in Mistress Clare plus a group of fantastic swinging friends.

It won't happen overnight though. You have to make several visits and get to know people, but the time and effort you put in will be worth it.

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By *inkymixedguyMan
over a year ago

southampton

"Hello all, I hope this message finds you all well, other than everyone missing a few fence panels this weekend

Tbh i found it was getting like that. Then I gave up looking for meets and just went for socials. Then all off a sudden I get a text from the odd couple from time to time. Still yet to find my partner in crime though.

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"I've been on here a while now was part of a couple but we separated and went our own way, when we where a couple we where getting a few

Some of the msgs we get as couple are vile. It ruins it for everyone.

It's quite shocking that some men don't know how to speak to women. Especially the younger generation, and by no means do I mean them all before I'm jumped on. I blame the porn industry for that.

So what about the nice messages you get ! Just block the ones sending vile messages, Simple.."

The comment I was replying to wasn't about the nice msgs so why would I mention that. And who's to say we don't block them.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"I've been on here a while now was part of a couple but we separated and went our own way, when we where a couple we where getting a few

Some of the msgs we get as couple are vile. It ruins it for everyone.

It's quite shocking that some men don't know how to speak to women. Especially the younger generation, and by no means do I mean them all before I'm jumped on. I blame the porn industry for that.

precisely why we blocked all single guys. They start off tidy but then blow it for themselves.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"You have had 5 meets with women. I'd say you have done well considering what you want is quite specific and not for everyone."

We noticed that also. He aint done to bad as some guys been on here years and not had one meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please don't rely on this site only get you're self out to the clubs if you can, you have to put you're self out there.

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By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

The fact that there's a filter to block picture-less profiles should give you a hint.

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By *akie32Man
over a year ago

winchester

"Thankyou all for your kind words and advice, but can I firstly explain I have submissive tendencies, I'm not brain-dead, most of you clearly state public photos for people to view, yes I hear you but not always possible, small town = small minded folks which in turn affects my job, I always send photos with my first message and I'm not shy in sending photos on request but do expect at least one in return, the problem is most women have 1000 messages to answer so why should they bother with little old me.....

To the others whom seem to understand thankyou for your kind words, it seems it's not just me whom struggles...."

never understood the no pic thing incase i get recognised, surely anyone on fab who sees your pic will be as keen to be descreat as you are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been on here a while now was part of a couple but we separated and went our own way, when we where a couple we where getting a few

Some of the msgs we get as couple are vile. It ruins it for everyone.

It's quite shocking that some men don't know how to speak to women. Especially the younger generation, and by no means do I mean them all before I'm jumped on. I blame the porn industry for that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To the others whom seem to understand thankyou for your kind words, it seems it's not just me whom struggles....

never understood the no pic thing incase i get recognised, surely anyone on fab who sees your pic will be as keen to be descreat as you are"

This is incredibly naïve.

People share face pics in offsite chat groups, in the pub, with their mates.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I doubt neighbours would recognise you from a clothed torso pic

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

"The fact that there's a filter to block picture-less profiles should give you a hint."

This ^

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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough / Stamford

"The fact that there's a filter to block picture-less profiles should give you a hint."

Swerving off topic, but if only that filter worked

(Bry)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So what about the nice messages you get ! Just block the ones sending vile messages, Simple.."

So far I haven't had very many messages but no matter whether I message them or they message me I'm always polite and respectful

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By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

"The fact that there's a filter to block picture-less profiles should give you a hint.

Swerving off topic, but if only that filter worked

(Bry)"

Yeah, the filter is pretty much useless.

As soon as you excuse them of switching pictures you always get "no idea what you mean"

We just block now.

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By *wholeLotOfRosieWoman
over a year ago

Pontypridd

I have plenty of pics up, but you wouldn't recognise me. And I live in a small village.

Unless you have all over tattoos or huge piercings a few non face pics will not identify you.

Like several here have said, when I get messages the first thing I do is delete any without a profile pic. I don't even open them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello all, I hope this message finds you all well, other than everyone missing a few fence panels this weekend

Carlos thinks it's best if you hold back with the photos.

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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough / Stamford

"Yeah, the filter is pretty much useless.

As soon as you excuse them of switching pictures you always get "no idea what you mean"

We just block now."

Had someone message us (a single woman) in response to a forum post I put up about it and apparently it's not always them cheating the system by making a pic public. Seems the filter itself gets confused and sees some friends only pics as public.

(Bry)

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