FabSwingers.com forum: confidence

By *tarkersandcrutch OP Couple
over a year ago

TELFORD

hi, I struggle with self confidence, I've lost 3 stone and still feel unattractive

I would never agree to a social meet for fear of rejection, steve loves me whatever size, at my heaviest I've been a 24-26 and now 16-18. we usually visit clubs, that way I can have a few drinks and get my confidence cloak before anything happens, would love to feel more confident, any tips. thank you shaz xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

Have a look at why you lack confidence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just checked out ur profilr and babe u are sexy as hell...what an arse xxx

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"hi, I struggle with self confidence, I've lost 3 stone and still feel unattractive

I wonder if it is maybe age? The older I get the more confident I am. I don't give a shit that I have saggy bits, stretch marks and an operation scar. I know I am sexy! If any meet disagrees with that then that is their opinion. Doesn't make me any less sexy.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"hi, I struggle with self confidence, I've lost 3 stone and still feel unattractive

this is the truth, self belief is key to confidence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have always had issues surrounding my size and have struggled for years with my weight so I can empathise with you...although having looked at your profile pics you look pretty damn delicious from where I'm standing.

It's only more recently that I've thought "sod it" and actually started appreciating my good points. And with that acceptance has come a newfound confidence and inner happiness.

I've been a lot slimmer in the past. But never felt sexier than I've done in the past couple of years. Size aside, sexy is in the mind. At the end of the day we have to make the best of what we've been given.

I really hope the inner sexy you finds its way to the forefront. xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"hi, I struggle with self confidence, I've lost 3 stone and still feel unattractive

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By *uby In StockingsTV/TS
over a year ago

Cheadle

I am sure it would take someone far more qualified than me to advise you on how to grow your confidence, I know one or to people just like you, no matter how many times they are told they look gorgeous it doesn't seem to make any difference, however I do know that the more you expose yourself to criticism and praise, then the more you get to realise that although you might not think you fit the modern media version of perfection, but that we are all imperfect beings, almost everyone has something they hate or would change about themselves and that there are thousands of people who would move mountains to spend some play time with a fabulicious person like you!!! mwah, xxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am sure it would take someone far more qualified than me to advise you on how to grow your confidence, I know one or to people just like you, no matter how many times they are told they look gorgeous it doesn't seem to make any difference, however I do know that the more you expose yourself to criticism and praise, then the more you get to realise that although you might not think you fit the modern media version of perfection, but that we are all imperfect beings, almost everyone has something they hate or would change about themselves and that there are thousands of people who would move mountains to spend some play time with a fabulicious person like you!!! mwah, xxxxxxx

made me smile, I loved the style of that post!

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Skinny is hard work so gave it up and opted for sexy..try it..it works! We all have the odd day off tho and feel crap about ourselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You lack confidence because no doubt somebody has put you down in the past. You fear rejection??? I'm guessing once you have your confidence cloak on and start to play, you don't get rejected and become super sexy? It's that vicious circle, confidence is sexy. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh, and for the record........ I'd love to spend a few hours in your company worshipping your body. Xx

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By *its The Spot AlotMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

I think everyone fears rejection but if we give in we miss out on soooooo much in life and not just the sex

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By *MOOTH AND ROUGHCouple
over a year ago

tamworth

"hi, I struggle with self confidence, I've lost 3 stone and still feel unattractive

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"

We meet shaz and steve at chams where we lost our swinging virginity

now you may have had your confidence cloak on but you seemed like a very confident person even when playtime had finished and we all had a chat we found you a very sexy women. Losing 3 stone is an amazing acheivment so this should be the start for you confidence booster xxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"hi, I struggle with self confidence, I've lost 3 stone and still feel unattractive

right as someone whos always been very self conscious about my look i will tell you what someone said to me

Remember not everyone will se you how you see yourself

i used to push my opinions of myself on other people and that puts more people off than what you look like

i still do it at times but i feel im getting better

you will look at yourself and see every lump, bump and stretch mark and because they stand out to you you think everyone else is looking at your imperfections and thinking the same about them as you do

ok some will, but some will pick fault no matter what you look like but most people dont, most will look at you and think, nice eyes, lovely smile, nice woman etc not fuck me look at the stretch marks on that

just keep that in mind x

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By *eeriseWoman
over a year ago

Manchester and that's all you need to know

"hi, I struggle with self confidence, I've lost 3 stone and still feel unattractive

Awe your husband loves you and you also love yourself and that's all what matters....I totally understand the confidence cloak as I used to be a size 22 and my ex was forever putting me down and calling me biggy chops and one day I woke up and started loving myself

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I don't think there's anything anyone can say that will help you. It's within your control not ours.

If I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see, no amount of "you look lovely" will make a difference. If however I look in the mirror and Tyra Banks is looking back no one can burst my bubble.

Relying on others to make you appreciate yourself is rather sad in my opinion. Bottom line is we will NEVER appeal to everyone, no matter what our physical appearance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The 'key' to being confident is realizing that you dont give a dam about what people you dont care about think of you.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"The 'key' to being confident is realizing that you dont give a dam about what people you dont care about think of you. "

If they aren't on my Christmas card list why should I care what others think? And even if they are its still none of their business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Since I was young, I have always been made aware by nasty comments, that I am not a looker; nice legs shame about the face, etc, registering on here 3 yrs ago, I know now, though sometimes struggle because of the continued abuse I get at my second job, that personality counts more, my first time at chameleons, whilst I did get one snide comment (maybe it wasn't about me and I am just sensitive?), was a revelation and as I was told, I oozed confidence, came home with a smile that could be seen via the forums. It was so nice not to be made fun of, people just saw me and took me for a very sexy lady;-) you can do the same, breeze in like you own the world, you don't need alcohol to do that, just be yourself and I am sure no-one sees you as anything other than a sexy hot chick

Congratulations on the weight loss, you have something to be proud of

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The 'key' to being confident is realizing that you dont give a dam about what people you dont care about think of you.

If they aren't on my Christmas card list why should I care what others think? And even if they are its still none of their business."

Hell yeah!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have bits that we dislike or want to change etc but confidence doesn't just come from the way we look, there's many aspects that build self confidence such as intellectual, friendships, relationships etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The 'key' to being confident is realizing that you dont give a dam about what people you dont care about think of you.

If they aren't on my Christmas card list why should I care what others think? And even if they are its still none of their business.

Hell yeah!

people always say, dont care what others think of you, but its only human nature to

You could be the nicest person going, kind hearted, help other etc and then someone who dont even know you puts you down, makes a rude comment about your size in a club etc how can that not hurt?

I seriously think anyone who says they dont care what others think/say about them are masking the truth somewhat

Anyway with half an ounce of self respect will be a little hurt at a nasty comment by someone just because you look less than perfect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i struggle a little bit with confidence, but anyone ive ever met, they have not seen it as a problem.........how i look i mean. im learning to accept myself more now than what i did first xxx

Im beautiful inside thats all i can say lol xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost just over 5 stone because I felt ugly and fat, still after losing all that weight I didn't feel any better untill I come on fab. It took me a little while to pluck up the guts to have a meet, but when I did I was told how lovely I looked and it made me smile.

Well done for losing your weight you have done very well and keep it up because in the end you will feel so much more happier, energetic and god dam sexy that you will walk down the street with your head held high, and a hugh smile knowing you have someone looking at you and thinking.....coooor she's nice xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have confidence issues too, but whenever I tell people about them they look at me as if I'm mad and say something along the lines of - 'but Lucy, you're just so bright and bubbly and come across as being really confident', so I know it's all in my head and not based on what others think of me, so I just keep telling myself that and slowly I'm making progess.

To the op: you look really gorgeous in your pics, I envy you your bum and thighs! xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We both used to be fine with it but since we have had a break we have now lost confidence in swinging again.

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"hi, I struggle with self confidence, I've lost 3 stone and still feel unattractive

Look up something called Emotional Freedom technique or EFT for short. I have been doing it for years. It is perfect for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a similar issue and would love to be able to 'acquire' true self believe/esteem/confidence but unfortunately it comes from within and external factors can't give it to you!

My friend told me that as long as I do 'esteemable' things, then it will happen.

She wasn't wrong and I love myself more today as a BBW than I did as a size 12

Good luck

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Learning to master our minds is a key tool to our potential happiness and well being. Whilst others can and do affect us - as we're social animals - we, and only ourselves, are ultimately able to culture what we need to have inside. Easier said than done, maybe, but self-awareness is the first step. Your message here highlights that you have self-awareness and other qualities that others lack.

The key thing that I do is to only spend time with those people who I find empowering, rather than critical. OK, a club is going to have everybody inside, but if you largely choose to mix with uplifting people, then you won't be getting the knocks that deplete your reserves of self-esteem and confidence.

I've found that learning how to centre and ground myself, should I ever need to regain my balance, is a useful skill. There are people around who will try to knock me, and I am sensitive, so I sometimes need to access this state of mind. If things are ever too detrimental, I may leave somewhere, as I keep myself, not others, in control of how I'm feeling.

Ultimately, if there's something inside of me that's a cause of why I'm not right, then I address it. It's better ultimately for me to address the cause rather than just symptoms/effect of it. This may mean time with friends/family, those who love me, as well as some self-reflection.

The more I've cultured a sense that I am good enough, the greater my resilience has been to the knocks waiting out there. And the more times that I've needed to re-balance myself, the easier it's become to get it, as I've strengthened this habit.

Whilst I know I can look great, I sometimes go out, purposefully looking not quite 100%, as I find it a little test of myself, and then amaze myself how well received by others that I am. I never make too much effort - I'd prefer to make less, if I catch such self-pressuring.

We all find our own way in life, and your sweet path will become easier for you to walk and skip along. And others will love for you being yourself. If they don't, they're not worthy of you.

Wishing you the very best

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By *atinaBabeCouple
over a year ago

casa caliente

honey confidence is all about love yourself if you do you wont care whats ppl thinks about how u look b happy chick xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't forget that the man or woman across the club who looks great and is smiling and laughing is probably just as insecure as you are and has just as much self-doubt. And more often than not they are probably looking at you and thinking "she looks so confident, how does she do it??"

I know it won't make a blind bit of difference, but for the record you DO look stunning, and Steve is a very lucky guy. He clearly has great taste in women, so trust his judgement, he'd not be with you if you weren't a very special lady

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By *tarkersandcrutch OP Couple
over a year ago

TELFORD

I am truly overwhelmed by all of the comments, kind words and support, thank you for taking time to reply. from reading each post it is evident that confidence comes from within, we are all different and to accept what we have, we can't please everyone all of the time and like many people have said they are probably not worth knowing anyway. once again a big big thank you, love shaz xxx

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Exactly as you are might be exactly what someone wants. Confidence is very sexy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Learning to master our minds is a key tool to our potential happiness and well being. Whilst others can and do affect us - as we're social animals - we, and only ourselves, are ultimately able to culture what we need to have inside. Easier said than done, maybe, but self-awareness is the first step. Your message here highlights that you have self-awareness and other qualities that others lack.

We all find our own way in life, and your sweet path will become easier for you to walk and skip along. And others will love for you being yourself. If they don't, they're not worthy of you.

Wishing you the very best

I applaud you for this insight. Wish you could speak to D about this as it would help her no end!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/10/12 14:49:35]

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By *harlie Brown and SnoopyCouple
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Hi, I sympathise with you we have cancelled a few meets lately!

Not because we didn't want to go but because iv put on some extra weight and don't feel sexy! I have lost all confidence and it really bothers me.

Good on all u out there who have that confidence, iv just looked at your profile and u look great xk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we have cancelled a few meets lately!

Not because we didn't want to go but because iv put on some extra weight and don't feel sexy!"

That's a shame

I hope you recover it soon. Don't forget what naughty said further up - that it's not always the first thing people notice in a person.

I've known some wacky things that inhibit people from enjoying themselves over the years, and even suffered from a couple myself. They are undoable, your thoughts will change - even if it's just lessening of that 'awareness'.

Be happy

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sucks to be ugly , I get on well with people till they ask for a face pic , then it's 98% not my type or profile hidden but now I just send a face pic wi the 1st message and life is easier

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