FabSwingers.com forum: Wife/ partner who doesn't like sex

By *umagain69abc OP Man
over a year ago

Ashford

I'm sure this topic has been posted before but I'm interested in what you think?

I would manly like to hear the girls side of this but also if you guys are in the same boat fire away.

So I'm coming upto my 30th wedding anniversary and my wife dosent like sex.

I have been swinging for over 25 years and its kept my marriage together (unbeknown to her) I hope I have got my point across and let's start a debate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps she just doesn’t like sex with you?

Maybe she has her own account and is keeping your marriage together too.

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By *nicorn69coupleCouple
over a year ago

colchesterish Essex

This reply made me chuckle.

On a serious note and trying not to judge I find it quite heart breaking that you’ve had a secret life. I would feel like my partner doesn’t really know me. Have you tried to find out why she doesn’t “like” sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps she knows you play away …

25 years out of your 30 years marriage

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

Has your wife always alkegedly not enjoyed sex?

Do you think there's a possibility she had an idea of your swinging life and therefore feels rejected like she's not enough for you not sexually attractive to you?

Have you spoken to someone like a counsellor or a Dr this?

Is it possible she is having a healthy sex life, but that you're not aware of it & how would you feel f that were the case?

I know that's a lot of questions rather than a not debate, but if it's worked for you both then great but from an outsiders perspective it can't be easy living a secret (i can't actually remember if you said it's a secret from her) from her side imagine how devestated she'd be to find out you'd been cheating for 25yrs (again presuming she doesn't know)

From a personal perspective there's times I've gone off sex or when I've had it with my husband it's been more of I know I have to than a want Womens bodies are odd & our hormones from young to old do strange things that effect our sexual appetite & I know during these periods my husband used to buy thing like FHM more often, he'd be on porn sites more (things like that don't usually bother me, I enjoy porn) but during these periods I'd get ratty about it & say thing like well I can't compete with those girls & sex in real life isn't like in the porn films & it Wouk's push me away further & make me treat further meaning we'd go longer without sex

Could it be that you and your wife have just gotten into such an unspoken rut?

Ultimately if she's not aware of what's going on, it's cheating which I'm guessing if she were to find out it would crush her & that can't be justified by saying it's kept you marriage together for so long, no one would want to know they've been consistently lied to for half their life as if you'd split much earlier you'd possibly both be in happier & sexually healthier relationships by now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perhaps she knows you play away …

25 years out of your 30 years marriage

Thought this too.

I would be amazed if she has no idea.

No words of advice OP. You'll be the devil incarnate for some on here.

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By *umbriaman1962Man
over a year ago

outside of penrith

Every ones sex drive is different. If someone did enjoy sex then went off it you can look for answer medical or emotional. But some people just have low sex drive. I was with someone a good few years that was simple not that into sex yes we had it once a week at the most if that often. But it often felt like she was doing as felt it was something you had to do as a couple. She would have orgasam with oral or toys. Sex was missionary always she did not ever dress up sexy undies etc . Yes we talked about it she just said whats piont in sexy stocking etc and as far as sex would not trouble her if never had it. She was kept her self in shape lot swimming would happy go nude on holiday or nude swim at british naturist swims etc so not prudish just very low sex drive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has your wife always alkegedly not enjoyed sex?

Do you think there's a possibility she had an idea of your swinging life and therefore feels rejected like she's not enough for you not sexually attractive to you?

Have you spoken to someone like a counsellor or a Dr this?

Is it possible she is having a healthy sex life, but that you're not aware of it & how would you feel f that were the case?

Could it be that you and your wife have just gotten into such an unspoken rut?

This

. Maybe she knows and is hurt/not interested, or knows and happy with things as they are, or has no idea and would be crushed to find out she invested 30 years of herself into a marriage with deceit, rather than you both moving onto healthy relationships that are sexually compatible.

Try being the partner you want to have. Try taking care of her non sexual, emotional needs first, without expecting anything in return, then she might be open to meeting your sexual needs in response. You have the power to change your actions, if you change them, hers will likely reactively change too. Not easy but worth it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perhaps she just doesn’t like sex with you?

Maybe she has her own account and is keeping your marriage together too. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would imagine she knows. Swinging isn’t just one night stands. I would suggest that the time and emotional energy you put into making connections with people on Fab might mean you’re not giving 100% Attention to her. You might seem distant to her. I would suggest if you want to save your marriage, take a break from swinging and really really invest emotionally in her. Listen hard & ask lots.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No judgement here but over 25 yrs you've had a sex life with others outside of your 30 year marriage? Why did you get married in the first place?

If I'd discovered my husband did that to me for most of our marriage, that would have ended me and made me feel like shit, like we never really knew each other or trusted each other and despite the years together as some sort of "marital team", it was a rather farcical marriage.

I'd perhaps have a different viewpoint if you did that during the last 5-10 years but NOT that length of time.

Just my personal opinion

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

Has the marriage been kept together though? By this I mean in all other aspects it's an amazing relationship that couldn't be improved upon (apart from the obvious) or are you both just going through the motions in which case it's not really a marriage.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

"I'm sure this topic has been posted before but I'm interested in what you think?

I would manly like to hear the girls side of this but also if you guys are in the same boat fire away.

So I'm coming upto my 30th wedding anniversary and my wife dosent like sex.

I have been swinging for over 25 years and its kept my marriage together (unbeknown to her) I hope I have got my point across and let's start a debate "

Would she have stayed with you if she had known that you have been cheating for 25 years?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I notice OP that you haven't responded. Perhaps it's uncomfortable reading?

You can only do something together, so it has to start with your decisions, honesty and trust, needing communication.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d talk to her openly, and be really really honest - explore the lack of sex and enquire what you can do about it to get things progressive again. And work on being the best partner you can be. Don’t see it as an ultimatum but I’m sure if you explain your wants, needs and desires in every aspect of life and explore hers, you could hopefully find common ground.

Honesty would set you free, 25 years out of 30 is a big investment away from the reality at home. Maybe assess what makes you happy, as clearly something is not. Don’t be selfish, but be open - and kindness comes with honesty.

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

"Every ones sex drive is different. If someone did enjoy sex then went off it you can look for answer medical or emotional. But some people just have low sex drive. I was with someone a good few years that was simple not that into sex yes we had it once a week at the most if that often. But it often felt like she was doing as felt it was something you had to do as a couple. She would have orgasam with oral or toys. Sex was missionary always she did not ever dress up sexy undies etc . Yes we talked about it she just said whats piont in sexy stocking etc and as far as sex would not trouble her if never had it. She was kept her self in shape lot swimming would happy go nude on holiday or nude swim at british naturist swims etc so not prudish just very low sex drive"

Youre absolutely correct everyone's sex drive is different but what you've left out is wether your wife is happy with the arrangement, has she told you specifically she doesn't want or enjoy sex, has she told you to go and fulfil your needs elsewhere or is she of the belief you're also living a sexless life?

& if so was that discussed have you told her you couldn't live like that and she just shrugged her shoulders in a like it or lump it kind of way

It's impossible to have a debate without more information

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I personally feel it's likely she knows but also wants to be with you, wants to keep your marriage together and therefore has chosen not to rock the boat.

It might be that she is getting her needs fulfilled elsewhere and just doesn't want to be part of your sexual picture, or it has made her feel desirable and put her off sex.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I have been swinging for over 25 years and its kept my marriage together (unbeknown to her) "

Are you swinging or shagging around ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's honestly little point in these threads; having read many of them over the years I've been here this is the usualconclusion.

OP is the man - outcome, judgement, you must be failing her etc, it's your fault

OP is a woman - sympathy, it's awesome, be strong and true to yourself

/Close thread.

I joke, but there is truth to it.

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By *urvytreatWoman
over a year ago

somewhere nice

Female intuition OP!! I bet she knows what you’re up to on here and it’s crippling her!

I can guarantee that a massive percentage of women in your wives shoes wouldn’t want to touch you either!

I honestly don’t know how you can live with yourself disrespecting her like that. 25 years! Shame on you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think that's swinging it's cheating which as we women have intuition about these things( usually) she probably knows and doesn't want sex.. with you

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By *illingdon_ladMan
over a year ago

Bicester

It's a shame that the OP has gone quiet, it may easily. Be that she told him 25 years ago that she wasn't interested in sex and that she is ok with him doing wmthinhs with others and would sooner not know about it.

Always with these posts people judge the male as a cheat, liar the bad person. And 9/10 times the lady was likely pushed into cheating when it's the other way around.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

I have been swinging for over 25 years and its kept my marriage together (unbeknown to her)

Are you swinging or shagging around ?"

He's been cheating for 25 years, not swinging.

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By *urvytreatWoman
over a year ago

somewhere nice

OP stated wife doesn’t know, therefore non consented, therefore he’s cheating. Simples!

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By *umagain69abc OP Man
over a year ago

Ashford

Hi to everyone who has written there view and thank you .to be honest I was asking why a woman doesn't like sex? I have honestly tried for 25 years to be patient with her but it's so destroying when you get into bed and want a cuddle/sex and you get no response don't get me wrong we have sex maybe 3/4 times a year she is a wonderful person and mother to our children also we get on and work together,

Am I really to blame for using a swing site for uncomplicated sex,I have never had an affair.

I'm sure single women on here have there reasons,couples have lots of different reasons and guys are mostly married the world would be boring if we were all the same.

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By *onkeyman72Man
over a year ago

Carlisle

Hi, similar situation to OP, but I can categorically state that I have not cheated. My wife and I are very much in love but her sex drive has diminished (she thinks) to the onset of menopause (taking treatment).We have discussed the situation and will continue, we are both happy with our lives. Fab is my sexlife to a certain extent, call me a dreamer, fantasist etc but Cuck, hotwife chats and other kinks is where I get my relief without hurting anyone. I look on with envy at the couples enjoying clubs and meets...but generally I am a happy maturabater lol enjoy your weekend everyone x

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By *umagain69abc OP Man
over a year ago

Ashford

Your absuluty right I'm cheating

But if I told her that would possibly end our marriage, kids with out there parents and 2 people single after 30 years,when actually apart for the sex life is good.

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By *ickdasterdly51Man
over a year ago

Lingfield

"Your absuluty right I'm cheating

But if I told her that would possibly end our marriage, kids with out there parents and 2 people single after 30 years,when actually apart for the sex life is good. "

You describe yourself as bi-curious, is your wife aware of this? Also you say that you can accommodate, would that be in the family home you share with your wife and kids?

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By *umagain69abc OP Man
over a year ago

Ashford

I'm sorry but what's that got to do with my post

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

"Your absuluty right I'm cheating

But if I told her that would possibly end our marriage, kids with out there parents and 2 people single after 30 years,when actually apart for the sex life is good. "

My kids aren’t without their parents, stop talking soft. 50/50 custody is a thing.

Also, the reason I lost interest in sex with my husband was because I felt unappreciated and undervalued. I was incredibly miserable and HE thought everything was fine and we got along apart from the lack of sex.

Were you cheating before or whilst your wife was pregnant?

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I'm sure there are many reasons women go off sex op. Could be hormones/depression, or feeling she's been taken for granted, it's usually a sign that there's something bigger wrong in a relationship in my opinion.

She may even realise you are sneaking around behind her back op, in which case any desire she had will soon vanish.

If you are cheating and it comes to light, are you prepared to take the consequences that go with that.

Why not ask her why she doesn't enjoy it or want sex and see if she's open to you discreetly seeking it elsewhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure this topic has been posted before but I'm interested in what you think?

I would manly like to hear the girls side of this but also if you guys are in the same boat fire away.

So I'm coming upto my 30th wedding anniversary and my wife dosent like sex.

I have been swinging for over 25 years and its kept my marriage together (unbeknown to her) I hope I have got my point across and let's start a debate "

You're an angel, shagging other people so your wife doesn't have to shag you. It's heartwarming.

I hated shagging my ex but I wouldn't wish that horror on anyone else.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

"Your absuluty right I'm cheating

But if I told her that would possibly end our marriage, kids with out there parents and 2 people single after 30 years,when actually apart for the sex life is good. "

What about your wife having a say in that choice in that?

Who do you think you are that you can take away her freedom of choice??

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

"I'm sorry but what's that got to do with my post"

It tells us whether she deserves you or not.

But let's be honest we all know that already.

Were you honestly thinking you would get a pat on the back and some praise for being so considerate?

The ONLY person you are thinking of here is yourself.

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London

"I would imagine she knows. Swinging isn’t just one night stands. I would suggest that the time and emotional energy you put into making connections with people on Fab might mean you’re not giving 100% Attention to her. You might seem distant to her. I would suggest if you want to save your marriage, take a break from swinging and really really invest emotionally in her. Listen hard & ask lots. "

My thought too, she possibly doesn't like sex because she feels you don't like sex with her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps as you have an interest in men and shagging other people for the past 25 years her lack of enthusiasm is more to do with you than her.

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By *unniebee1970Woman
over a year ago

The Hive

Does'nt like sex? I doubt that. Just does'nt like it with you.

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By *umagain69abc OP Man
over a year ago

Ashford

Thanks for all the comments,

It didn't really do what I asked in the beginning it ended up as an attack on me which I get.

She does love me I know that she just doesn't like sex which was my question I wanted to know if it has happened to anyone else.

And yes lots of guys and a women have pm me with the same life story, I'm glad I have helped and raised this issue.

Let's leave it there

Happy fabing

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I have known several women who don't and never have liked sex. One off them once told me it was something you had to put up with. I think that there are some people (men and women) who just don't enjoy intimate physical contact.

I also knew of a couple where the man didn't like sex. We've lost contact but I know they're still together and are now grandparents. I also know that the woman had an affair.

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

[Removed by poster at 11/02/22 19:00:45]

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

"Thanks for all the comments,

It didn't really do what I asked in the beginning it ended up as an attack on me which I get.

She does love me I know that she just doesn't like sex which was my question I wanted to know if it has happened to anyone else.

And yes lots of guys and a women have pm me with the same life story, I'm glad I have helped and raised this issue.

Let's leave it there

Happy fabing"

I have read some of the comments and I'm not really surprised how harsh and personal they are, it is a regular occurrence to posts that indicate a relationship outside of the marital home. I wouldn't lose any sleep over the comments, you don't know these people and they don't know you, which is probably how it should be.

I wish you well and I hope your relationship with your wife stays good despite the lack of intimacy

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By *dysseusukMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

I find it sad how so many people think that a good marriage relies entirely on sex. It's never a good thing to be in a marriage where there are secrets or hidden lives, but in reality, sometimes it is necessary to keep a family intact and together for all manner of reasons that are more important than sex. Poor mental health, poor physical health, loss of body confidence, addictions sometimes can be reasons why one partner (male or female) may lose interest or even capacity for a sex life. For the other partner, they may feel that to leave that marriage and give up their duty of care to their husband or wife - and children - would bring them far more guilt and moral judgement than to have to find a way to have their own needs met through a bit of extra-marital sex and some fun for themselves now and again. This lifestyle can help provide that opportunity in a way that doesn't require the emotional commitment that a full on affair does that would be far more damaging. I do think people should try and sit less in judgement, make less of a joke of it, and recognise every situation is different, and sometimes the moral choice isn't always that simple. Many 'cheaters' are actually feeling deep pain and would give anything for a full and intimate relationship with their lifelong partner, but not everyone finds the perfect marriage and romantic love with the perfect sex life.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

"Thanks for all the comments,

It didn't really do what I asked in the beginning it ended up as an attack on me which I get.

She does love me I know that she just doesn't like sex which was my question I wanted to know if it has happened to anyone else.

And yes lots of guys and a women have pm me with the same life story, I'm glad I have helped and raised this issue.

Let's leave it there

Happy fabing

I wish you well and I hope your relationship with your wife stays good despite the lack of intimacy "

What about the lack of honesty?

Of respect??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perhaps she just doesn’t like sex with you?

Maybe she has her own account and is keeping your marriage together too. "

I love this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fel so so sorry for your wife. She loves you and the hurt and upset and pain she will go thru when she finds out, and she will one day, you will slip up. You can't love her as you wouldn't be a cheat and liar and hold secrets. And have you thought about why she doesn't want sex? Maybe menopause or she has a hormone problem, and you reward her with cheating on her. What a lovely human being you are

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By *oppy CheeksWoman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

"I find it sad how so many people think that a good marriage relies entirely on sex. It's never a good thing to be in a marriage where there are secrets or hidden lives, but in reality, sometimes it is necessary to keep a family intact and together for all manner of reasons that are more important than sex. Poor mental health, poor physical health, loss of body confidence, addictions sometimes can be reasons why one partner (male or female) may lose interest or even capacity for a sex life. For the other partner, they may feel that to leave that marriage and give up their duty of care to their husband or wife - and children - would bring them far more guilt and moral judgement than to have to find a way to have their own needs met through a bit of extra-marital sex and some fun for themselves now and again. This lifestyle can help provide that opportunity in a way that doesn't require the emotional commitment that a full on affair does that would be far more damaging. I do think people should try and sit less in judgement, make less of a joke of it, and recognise every situation is different, and sometimes the moral choice isn't always that simple. Many 'cheaters' are actually feeling deep pain and would give anything for a full and intimate relationship with their lifelong partner, but not everyone finds the perfect marriage and romantic love with the perfect sex life. "

Totally agree with everything said here. I am in a sexless relationship where my partner (man) is not interested in sex. He told me after about 2 years that he is not interested & never has been. Everything else is perfect & we are highly compatible personality wise, with our future plans & common interests. I swing behind his back. Not because I want to be a cheater but because he would not understand my want/desire for sex just as I don’t get his lack of desire for it. We have talked & talked about the reasons why he doesn’t want it & he can come up with no explanation other than it doesn’t interest him & he doesn’t have a need for it. The friendship & companionship side is all he wants. This is the second long term relationship I have found myself in where my partner has no sexual drive (my last partner suffered from depression & took medication which impacted his libido & had aspbergers which meant he hated being intimately touched). Neither situation is my ideal. I would have loved to have met someone for a full rounded relationship but it has alluded me twice now. So I have made my choice/rightly or wrongly & live with it. Nothing is ever black or white & there is so much more than a relationship than just sex so those who choose less conventional solutions don’t deserve such moral judgement

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You shouldn't have married her in the first place if she dosent like sex

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By *r easy1981Man
over a year ago

leeds

Bad times

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

[Removed by poster at 11/02/22 21:05:52]

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

"Thanks for all the comments,

It didn't really do what I asked in the beginning it ended up as an attack on me which I get.

She does love me I know that she just doesn't like sex which was my question I wanted to know if it has happened to anyone else.

And yes lots of guys and a women have pm me with the same life story, I'm glad I have helped and raised this issue.

Let's leave it there

Happy fabing

I wish you well and I hope your relationship with your wife stays good despite the lack of intimacy

What about the lack of honesty?

Of respect??"

Judge every book by its cover and that is your loss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’ve not been swinging for 25 years you’ve been cheating on your wife for 25 years.

That’s so sad.

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

"You’ve not been swinging for 25 years you’ve been cheating on your wife for 25 years.

That’s so sad.

Exactly.

Living a complete lie for all that time.

What a waste and betrayal of both your lives.

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

I totally agree life is never black and white, and you and the other poster above have highlighted why that can be, it wont alter the view point of the narrow minded as they cling to the moral high ground.

Having said that it has made me think why the same voices are so vocal, is it lack of trust or even confidence on their part that drives their confrontational posts?

It would be easy to dismiss their views and overlook possible insecurities, which isn't helpful either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel bad for the op having to cheat for 25 years. His wife is clearly a very selfish woman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So because he decides he doesn't want sex he expects you to give it up for the rest of your life regardless of your labido and needs??

That doesn't sound like a true friend and loving companion does it?

I really can't get my head around those people in a LTR / Marriage who decide to give up sex but the try and force that reality onto their partner.

Or is it a case of they haven't been given the chance to fully discuss, evaluate their partners sexual needs and come to a compromise that works for both parties?

It's easier to just cheat than have that honest, transparent conversation to allow a working solution to be found that's built on honesty and respect.

If your partner decides to give up sex totally but then isn't prepare to find a solution to allow your sexual needs to be met in some capacity then what does that say about your partner?

What an absolutely horrific, cruel and utterly selfish thing to try an impose on someone they profess to love and care about.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

"Thanks for all the comments,

It didn't really do what I asked in the beginning it ended up as an attack on me which I get.

She does love me I know that she just doesn't like sex which was my question I wanted to know if it has happened to anyone else.

And yes lots of guys and a women have pm me with the same life story, I'm glad I have helped and raised this issue.

Let's leave it there

Happy fabing

I wish you well and I hope your relationship with your wife stays good despite the lack of intimacy

What about the lack of honesty?

Of respect??

Judge every book by its cover and that is your loss"

My loss?? Hardly.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

Having said that it has made me think why the same voices are so vocal, is it lack of trust or even confidence on their part that drives their confrontational posts?

It would be easy to dismiss their views and overlook possible insecurities, which isn't helpful either.

Is being honest and showing respect moral high ground or decent behaviour??

What a sad world it seems to be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Call me morally righteous as I believe that a solid relationship is built on honesty and acceptance above individual needs. In relationships with 1 party having no sex drive (or any individual need/ passion/ hobby) they would discuss the possibility of it/others, explain it is a need to be met, give their partner the respect of full disclosure, and find a mutual agreement on playing with others and how. Whether that's being aware of details/logistics, or keeping it seperate with permission. Like you would for any personal interests too, give your partner time/ space to enjoy their passion/interest. Not assuming life is perfect but addressing lifes challenges together. Accepting and respecting each others differences, rather than settling for 80% compatible/ 20% deceit as way to cope with the 20% lacking. Tweak the % to suit.

Many children as adults will not thank parents for staying in a dysfunctional relationship, rolemodelling deceit/ accepting being lied to as a healthy relationship standard either. I speak as such, as a teen I begged my mum to leave rather than waiting until I turned 18. Seeing her dying on the inside was terrible. Not everyone would see it but I could. I lived my parents inner misery, day in & out for years. They divorced after 25 years of marriage and it was really ugly for everyone due to the truth hurting.

So that's where I would agree to disagree with the OP. I live by my conscience and he, to his. I only share in the smidge that a different POV may help. I'd wish them to get therapy to help them communicate constructively, talk to his wife about his needs and hers, and try to salvage what good there is in their 30 years of marriage, to move forward with peace of mind.

I urge the OP to think on how he would feel if his children lived 25 of a 30yr marriage as your wife, being lied to, or as the OP settling for someone who causes you to hide part of yourself, and thinking that's what they deserve as its all they've known as normal. The ripples of deceit spread further than you realise.

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

"I feel bad for the op having to cheat for 25 years. His wife is clearly a very selfish woman. "

If she said I don't like sex lump it, I totally agree that's selfish but he didn't have to go behind her back for 25yrs that's his choice

He should have left & they could have both had the opportunity to find happiness with new partners

There's always other options, families do not need to stay together, it's proven that kids are happier with 2 separated parents rather than 2 that are going through the motions

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

Lots of people men and women on here who are in the same situation some have young kids and a morgage and can't afford to get divorced and don't want to leave there kids etc I understand it but if font have any any ties like kids etc then I don't see why you would stay with her? But I don't judge this is a sex site and I don't understand the morals bit I met loads of women who just want sex they don't ask questions! When women go to sex clubs they don't vet every guy and ask for his marital status? So I don't see why it's an issue on a swinging site but I get why some women need to know! I. Just being partial! That what these forums are for right?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Relationships are complicated, love isn't rational, people are not all the same.

I think most people marry assuming that it will be a sexual relationship, it's expected. Why would you agree to marriage knowing that you don't like sex much thereby expecting your partner to go without too? Isn't that entering into the marriage under false pretences unless you make it clear that a regular sex life is off the cards?

Why is the person who wants what most of us assume to be a 'normal' married life demonised ?

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

Relationships are complicated, love isn't rational, people are not all the same.

Why is the person who wants what most of us assume to be a 'normal' married life demonised ? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just my 2c but I think marriage as a concept is a bit ridiculous but if it makes both parties happy and they want uphold it then good for them. The problem as I see it here is the deceit, if you love her and want the best for her (and you) you should at least give her the opportunity to either be ok with it or not. The fact you posted on here asking for insight suggests you think something is wrong and needs resolving. Why other people may go off sex seems irrelevant tbh.. so many reasons and what would you do with that info anyway?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure this topic has been posted before but I'm interested in what you think?

I would manly like to hear the girls side of this but also if you guys are in the same boat fire away.

So I'm coming upto my 30th wedding anniversary and my wife dosent like sex.

I have been swinging for over 25 years and its kept my marriage together (unbeknown to her) I hope I have got my point across and let's start a debate "

I'd rather someone left me than did that behind my back. The man I loved more deeply than I have loved anyone did the same and it broke me. I wish he'd have done anything else... Taken a break, broken up with me, moved out... There are soooo many options. He took the most painful and destructive one. It absolutely broke my then 9 year olds heart too. I can't see how I can ever love or trust again.

He never talked to me about how he was feeling. We had an amazing active sex life too.

You have to talk to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Relationships are complicated, love isn't rational, people are not all the same.

Why is the person who wants what most of us assume to be a 'normal' married life demonised ? "

Why would someone get married to someone they know doesn't like sex much?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure this topic has been posted before but I'm interested in what you think?

I would manly like to hear the girls side of this but also if you guys are in the same boat fire away.

So I'm coming upto my 30th wedding anniversary and my wife dosent like sex.

I have been swinging for over 25 years and its kept my marriage together (unbeknown to her) I hope I have got my point across and let's start a debate

He never talked to me about how he was feeling. We had an amazing active sex life too.

You have to talk to her. "

My daughter is now extremely distrusting of men now despite my trying to reassure her so that they might possibly be able to maintain some kind of relationship. 'good people do shitty things', 'it doesn't mean he did not love you'.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Relationships are complicated, love isn't rational, people are not all the same.

Why is the person who wants what most of us assume to be a 'normal' married life demonised ?

Why would someone get married to someone they know doesn't like sex much?"

Why would someone who doesn't like sex marry someone who does? It's the never ending conundrum that is human nature

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

^^ I suspect both parties hope the other will change.

Top tip. Never marry someone hoping to change them

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

Call me old fashioned ,but I can’t understand why people find it so hard to have a honest and open conversation with someone that they claim to love so much .

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

"Call me old fashioned ,but I can’t understand why people find it so hard to have a honest and open conversation with someone that they claim to love so much ."

Hey old fashioned, what if he is scared of losing her and that open conversation would be the trigger?

Nothing is cut and dry in relationships, people or life, everything and everyone is different.

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By *oppy CheeksWoman
over a year ago

Huddersfield

"Call me old fashioned ,but I can’t understand why people find it so hard to have a honest and open conversation with someone that they claim to love so much .

Hey old fashioned, what if he is scared of losing her and that open conversation would be the trigger?

Nothing is cut and dry in relationships, people or life, everything and everyone is different. "

I have tried to speak to my partner on multiple occasions about the lack of sex in our relationship (through his choice) & potentially raise the idea of it being open/gaining his consent. Every time I broach the subject he gets defensive & closes the conversation down. It clearly makes him uncomfortable. Plus not everyone has a swingers mentality & can accept their partner wanting to seek sex elsewhere that is no strings attached. For most that concept would be very hurtful. It is a huge can of worms to open! But yes fear of rejection or your partner turning away from you once the conversation is had is also a factor, because once you have said it, there is no going back from it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread is very fraught. I think I can see the issue from a number of sides. From a personal perspective, it has brought me up short. Whereas it may have been more necessary to stay together due to all sorts of pressures in the past, I wonder whether today that is now not the case. Lots of couples separate and thrive, as do their dependents. Granted, that is by no means a universal experience. There are clearly no easy answers, otherwise this thread wouldn’t be happening. A life of misery, and inflicting one, is no life at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread is very fraught. I think I can see the issue from a number of sides. From a personal perspective, it has brought me up short. Whereas it may have been more necessary to stay together due to all sorts of pressures in the past, I wonder whether today that is now not the case. Lots of couples separate and thrive, as do their dependents. Granted, that is by no means a universal experience. There are clearly no easy answers, otherwise this thread wouldn’t be happening. A life of misery, and inflicting one, is no life at all."

Agree, the unspoken rut as a fellow poster called it. The difficulty is talking about it. You know your partner well enough that a subject is a no go area mine was money not sex). If your with someone whose has no concept of reason, your going to give up at some point. I did, no fairytale happened but contented and filled with hope for better times

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Call me old fashioned ,but I can’t understand why people find it so hard to have a honest and open conversation with someone that they claim to love so much .

Hey old fashioned, what if he is scared of losing her and that open conversation would be the trigger?

Nothing is cut and dry in relationships, people or life, everything and everyone is different. "

Very true. Far more people ask for honesty than are genuinely ready to hear it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Call me old fashioned ,but I can’t understand why people find it so hard to have a honest and open conversation with someone that they claim to love so much .

Hey old fashioned, what if he is scared of losing her and that open conversation would be the trigger?

Nothing is cut and dry in relationships, people or life, everything and everyone is different.

Very true. Far more people ask for honesty than are genuinely ready to hear it. "

That is very true

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By *dysseusukMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Some thrive, most don't. If a relationship has completely broken down or is violent or abusive (mentally or physically), then anything will probably be better for the child. But many families do find a compromise and level of acceptance that allows them to function in a loving home even if the sexual intimacy between the parents has gone. It's not always or no longer about about you, but the guilt and fear of not being in your child's life day in day out to support them, or support a partner who has mental of physical health issues, massively outweighs your the misery of a lack of intimacy or downsides of a sexless marriages. Children from broken homes are 5 times more likely to suffer mental health problems - just one example of the impact of a family breakup. Happiness in life is made up of a mix of pleasure and purpose. We need both. The purpose and sense of duty involved in bringing up a child, or supporting an unwell partner, can be a far greater factor to stay in a sexless marriage and seek some pleasure for yourself elsewhere. I don't think most people - men or women - like being dishonest - but sometimes there are no good choices.

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By *havennaturistsCouple
over a year ago

Banff

Are there really people who genuinely dislike sex? Or is it that they just don't want it with you (or I/us) in particular?

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London

"Are there really people who genuinely dislike sex? Or is it that they just don't want it with you (or I/us) in particular?"

Yes there are. Personally though I think the real issue here is the cheating/double life, rather than whether or why the wife isn’t interested in sex.

No matter what the reason, the size of the mortgage or the number/age of the children, the OP has been dishonest to and disrespectful of his wife.

To those who have suffered in this way themselves, this is deplorable behaviour.

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By *ewcouplemidsCouple
over a year ago

walsall

Personally think instead of cheating for last 25 years the op should of sourced professional guidance

Maybe his wife has a reason for not liking sex

Or perhaps he should of considered telling his wife he wanted to swing rather just think of his self pleasures

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

"Are there really people who genuinely dislike sex? Or is it that they just don't want it with you (or I/us) in particular?"

Of course there are, asexuals exist.

And there are people who may have enjoyed sex in the past but now don't for all kinds of reasons - lack of confidence, trauma, a partner who doesn't make any effort to make them feel good, stress from work or elsewhere, physical ailments, etc.

Best thing to do is work out what the problem is together, and what can be done about it. Not give up and go elsewhere in secret.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

So you got married at 20, that's very young in my opinion. I think it's very sad that after just 5 years of marriage you were looking for other sexual partners. That would of been the time to have 'the' talk.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"I wish you well and I hope your relationship with your wife stays good despite the lack of intimacy "

Stays good?! 25 years of lies, deceit and a double life is hardly good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, if you put the effort into your marriage that you do into seeking swinging partners you may not need this thread.

I'm single and the effort involved, profile reading, mixing socially, and the actual sex takes a lot of my spare time.

I was in a bad marriage but eventually left it. That said I never would have cheated whilst we were together. The lying, the emotion would have been too much to cope with.

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

Your statistics are off. The figures I’ve seen suggest that children of divorced parents are 8% more likely to have a conduct disorder and 14% more likely to have depression or anxiety if the split takes place between the ages of seven and fourteen. No increased likelihood before this age. (Statistics from the millennium cohort study.)

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

Having said that it has made me think why the same voices are so vocal, is it lack of trust or even confidence on their part that drives their confrontational posts?

It would be easy to dismiss their views and overlook possible insecurities, which isn't helpful either.

By your profile and you sticking up for the op you are married also i am guessing?

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By *AABMan
over a year ago

Not far

A lot of common sense here. The ‘better to leave rather than cheat’ brigade are amongst the most judgmental people you will find and typically have a very black and white view of life. It’s easy to condemn when you have sex on tap with a loving partner whenever you want. A casual Google says 10-15% of marriages are sexless, and every one of those marriages is different in infinite ways and the reasons for being sexless are widely varied. Somebody in that marriage has to weigh up the turmoil of spitting up against mortgage, finances, kids, dog, health, loyalty, friendship, and yes love. They may desperately want the sex that others here take for granted, but the costs of spitting up are just too great. That doesn’t make the longing for intimacy go away. So some will seek sex elsewhere, for the sake of their mental health perhaps and to keep an otherwise good marriage together. So call them cheats if you want but what do you call the person who cheats them out of a sex life?

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

Having said that it has made me think why the same voices are so vocal, is it lack of trust or even confidence on their part that drives their confrontational posts?

It would be easy to dismiss their views and overlook possible insecurities, which isn't helpful either.

By your profile and you sticking up for the op you are married also i am guessing? "

By sicking up for the op, are we in the school playground!!

My relationship status has nothing to do with you.

How I have responded if you care to look without prejudice, is to be more open and honest, rather than jumping on the op, trying to see things from another perspective.

Try it one day, it may open up a whole new world to you.

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

After 25 years that youv spent swinging, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't have a clue. People think they hide things well from their other half, but in reality it sticks out a mile. But let's just say she does know and hasn't said anything through fear of loosing you, or she knows that you have needs.( not that I'm condoning what your are doing) I mean from her point of view, or let's assume she doesn't know and when she finds out because she will one way or another. Are you the kind of person that you could watch your wife fall to bits and break? Or as you have spent the last 25 years of your life with her and continuing to cheat would it even bother you at all?...

I always like to say to people that are being dishonest like this, just imaging the the tables were turned and that she had spent 25 years cheating on you just to keep your marriage together and you found out. Honestly how would you feel, finding out that the person youv shared most of your life with, supposedly loved you and took vows of promises to find out you really didn't know her at all. I don't know how coming to the forums with this will help in any way, all I can't think of is that your looking for validation so that you feel better about what your doing. Sorry to be so blunt.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"So call them cheats if you want but what do you call the person who cheats them out of a sex life?"

A human being (who is not obliged to have sex).

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"Your absuluty right I'm cheating

But if I told her that would possibly end our marriage, kids with out there parents and 2 people single after 30 years,when actually apart for the sex life is good. "

Your obv not that invested in your marriage so why would it bother you? Or is it that you want the best of both worlds. A nice warm home, a wife to look after you etc...its not just been once or twice..its 25 years of your 30 year marriage.

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"I fel so so sorry for your wife. She loves you and the hurt and upset and pain she will go thru when she finds out, and she will one day, you will slip up. You can't love her as you wouldn't be a cheat and liar and hold secrets. And have you thought about why she doesn't want sex? Maybe menopause or she has a hormone problem, and you reward her with cheating on her. What a lovely human being you are "

I think the "doesn't like sex" is just a way for him to validate what he's doing, 25 years of a 30 year marriage, that would make him 20 when he started cheating..so was his wife roughly the same age when she "went off sex" if so then he should have ended the married and let her live the life she wanted but instead he wants it all!

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London

"The ‘better to leave rather than cheat’ brigade are amongst the most judgmental people you will find and typically have a very black and white view of life."

Of course, how silly of us that have suffered at the hands of men like this not to have different opinions from those that think cheating and dishonesty is a good thing

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London

Also, if they have kids they have had sex.

My money is on her knowing in her handbag that he isn't who he says he is

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By *elboy64Man
over a year ago

weston

Cheating is Cheating if you have a relationship problem sort it out internally before involving others

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

"The ‘better to leave rather than cheat’ brigade are amongst the most judgmental people you will find and typically have a very black and white view of life.

Of course, how silly of us that have suffered at the hands of men like this not to have different opinions from those that think cheating and dishonesty is a good thing

KM"

Who has said cheating and dishonesty is a good thing?

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

Having said that it has made me think why the same voices are so vocal, is it lack of trust or even confidence on their part that drives their confrontational posts?

It would be easy to dismiss their views and overlook possible insecurities, which isn't helpful either.

By your profile and you sticking up for the op you are married also i am guessing?

By sicking up for the op, are we in the school playground!!

My relationship status has nothing to do with you.

How I have responded if you care to look without prejudice, is to be more open and honest, rather than jumping on the op, trying to see things from another perspective.

Try it one day, it may open up a whole new world to you.

And that reply shows you are married also

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

Having said that it has made me think why the same voices are so vocal, is it lack of trust or even confidence on their part that drives their confrontational posts?

It would be easy to dismiss their views and overlook possible insecurities, which isn't helpful either.

By your profile and you sticking up for the op you are married also i am guessing?

By sicking up for the op, are we in the school playground!!

My relationship status has nothing to do with you.

How I have responded if you care to look without prejudice, is to be more open and honest, rather than jumping on the op, trying to see things from another perspective.

Try it one day, it may open up a whole new world to you.

And that reply shows you are married also

As I have already said it has nothing to do with you but I will make an exception for you because you are wrong, which seems to be what your most consistent at!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Imagine being cheated on for 25 years!!!! Fuck me, that is grim.

Her one and only life on this earth (depending on beliefs) has been spent being cheated on.

That is really, really beyond shit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FYI I was in a sexless relationship for 15 years!

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By *akie32Man
over a year ago

winchester

for all those saying their partner doesnt want sex, i could never stay in a relationship like that for any reason, sex and intamacy is for me to important, but both need to be in tune.

I just think that the men and women saying they do it are just rrying to excuse what they are doing, leave and start again, ive done it, it doesnt mean you loose kids etc, yes it costs a bit, but you only get one life, live it, and cheating on people, as lets face it, thats what it is unless they know and aprove, is never going to end well.

just my two pence worth.

like i said ive been there and left .

I would rather be single, otherwise its no different to living in a house share

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

[Removed by poster at 14/02/22 03:16:43]

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"Call me old fashioned ,but I can’t understand why people find it so hard to have a honest and open conversation with someone that they claim to love so much .

Hey old fashioned, what if he is scared of losing her and that open conversation would be the trigger?

Nothing is cut and dry in relationships, people or life, everything and everyone is different. "

How could he be sscarednof loosing her? He clearly doesn't care or he wouldn't have done it in the first place, when she finds out and finds out that he not only likes men but has cheated on her for 25 years.. he is going to loose her so he clearly doesn't give a toss!

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

A 1-night stand is one thing. I think - depending on the circumstances of that - we, as a society make too much of that.

Even e.g. a 6 month affair can be recovered from.

But 25 years of cheating. That is a double-life that I cannot imagine anyone ever getting past. That is enough to destroy someone.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Has the OP tried therapy of any kind?

Or is your partner unwilling to even address this?

Would it not have been better 24 years ago to say that you want and need more?

Maybe she just doesn't like sex with you? Maybe she is gay? Maybe she needs to read a book like Woman by Kaz Riley?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the few decent replies I’ve seen, the sort of judgemental hypocrisy I’ve read on this thread is always hard to believe on a site like this, but it’s standard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cue

All the condemning women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the few decent replies I’ve seen, the sort of judgemental hypocrisy I’ve read on this thread is always hard to believe on a site like this, but it’s standard. "

What do you mean a site like this? It's a swinging site not an affairs site. What hypocrisy?

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By *orkshireDrifterMan
over a year ago

Nafferton, nr Driffield.

In my experience we guys are hopeless at successfully hiding things and women adept at catching us out. They are also good at letting us go blithely on not realising, they following their own agenda.

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By *ittlechick77Couple
over a year ago

Staines

"You’ve not been swinging for 25 years you’ve been cheating on your wife for 25 years.

That’s so sad.

"
this statement is so 100% correct you have been dishonesty and simply like ing a lie. Swinging lifestyle is about openess trust and honesty. This would be a very different story if she knew and was consenting to your actions

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By *pentoall555Man
over a year ago

benfleet

I’m in the same position. Wife doesn’t like it. Low sex drive anyway the a hysterectomy finished it all

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"for all those saying their partner doesnt want sex, i could never stay in a relationship like that for any reason, sex and intamacy is for me to important, but both need to be in tune.

just my two pence worth.

like i said ive been there and left .

I would rather be single, otherwise its no different to living in a house share"

Totally agree thats why i divorced the exwife. She wanted all the other intermucy but not sex. I tried everything to get her to go get help. After 8years i told her i was leaving. We still very good friends and we have two children. Even before the kids her sexdrive was low but we got on well. After children it vanished. Its better to be happy than wasting away in a dying relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure this topic has been posted before but I'm interested in what you think?

I would manly like to hear the girls side of this but also if you guys are in the same boat fire away.

So I'm coming upto my 30th wedding anniversary and my wife dosent like sex.

I have been swinging for over 25 years and its kept my marriage together (unbeknown to her) I hope I have got my point across and let's start a debate "

Sounds like she’s lost her mojo, if she had any at all you didn’t really say, my advise is if you love her keep cheating. You may become frustrated with her otherwise and end up dumping her thus breaking her heart.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

"You’ve not been swinging for 25 years you’ve been cheating on your wife for 25 years.

That’s so sad.

this statement is so 100% correct you have been dishonesty and simply like ing a lie. Swinging lifestyle is about openess trust and honesty. This would be a very different story if she knew and was consenting to your actions"

The really sad thing?

While the OP has decided he wants to live this cheating life, his wife is lied to and has not even had the chance to make her choice.

Everyone should have the freedom of choice.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Cue

All the condemning women.

Maybe read the thread more if you think it's just women.

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"I'm sure this topic has been posted before but I'm interested in what you think?

I would manly like to hear the girls side of this but also if you guys are in the same boat fire away.

So I'm coming upto my 30th wedding anniversary and my wife dosent like sex.

I have been swinging for over 25 years and its kept my marriage together (unbeknown to her) I hope I have got my point across and let's start a debate

Surely she hasn't liked sex since her 20s..and if this was the case then why did the OP marry her and continued with the marriage. I feel very sorry for his wife as she has spent the majority of her life being lied to..being with a man who she thought she knew...nobody deserves that!

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

"I'm sure this topic has been posted before but I'm interested in what you think?

I would manly like to hear the girls side of this but also if you guys are in the same boat fire away.

So I'm coming upto my 30th wedding anniversary and my wife dosent like sex.

I have been swinging for over 25 years and its kept my marriage together (unbeknown to her) I hope I have got my point across and let's start a debate

Agree totally.

This is the ugly way that people use swinging as an excuse for.

It isn't swinging, it is cheating.

Wrong site.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Cue

All the condemning women.

Wow, how we love being cheated on and really should support the OP against his poor wife

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't read all the replies - but maybe the assumption that your wife doesn't like sex, is where we need to start. Is it possible that she didn't find your sex life fun, enjoyable, satisfying and that is why she stopped wanting it. I think maybe for men, they'll still want sex for the physical release, even if it's not great sex. Whereas for women, there's got to be a bit more appeal for them to want to do it. I do think that women have to become more vulnerable than men, in order to have sex. And if that appeal isn't there, it can be easier to pull away and reject sex.

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By *andC1000Couple
over a year ago

Ashford

"Has your wife always alkegedly not enjoyed sex?

Do you think there's a possibility she had an idea of your swinging life and therefore feels rejected like she's not enough for you not sexually attractive to you?

Have you spoken to someone like a counsellor or a Dr this?

Is it possible she is having a healthy sex life, but that you're not aware of it & how would you feel f that were the case?

Could it be that you and your wife have just gotten into such an unspoken rut?

This

totally agree with both of these. Honestly is key, the lies and deceit are what hurt the most especially when there’s a chance she may know anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi to everyone who has written there view and thank you .to be honest I was asking why a woman doesn't like sex? I have honestly tried for 25 years to be patient with her but it's so destroying when you get into bed and want a cuddle/sex and you get no response don't get me wrong we have sex maybe 3/4 times a year she is a wonderful person and mother to our children also we get on and work together,

Am I really to blame for using a swing site for uncomplicated sex,I have never had an affair.

I'm sure single women on here have there reasons,couples have lots of different reasons and guys are mostly married the world would be boring if we were all the same."

I hated sex with my ex husband. Because it was all he ever went on about, and had no regard to my needs or wants. A simple cuddle or kiss, turned into him groping me. I couldn’t be affectionate with him cause he always thought it was an invitation to have sex. He didn’t help me with normal day to day things, he ignored me, and couldn’t even have a conversation. So no, I didn’t want sex with him. I didn’t want to be near him. Since we split, I can’t get enough sex again.

There’s a saying, water your garden and see it bloom.

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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago

north and south

Am I really to blame for using a swing site for uncomplicated sex,I have never had an affair.

I'm sure single women on here have there reasons,couples have lots of different reasons and guys are mostly married the world would be boring if we were all the same.

There’s a saying, water your garden and see it bloom.

"
You can never fool a woman, She knows exactly what you’re up to and she’s letting you enjoy yourself any man that thinks he can see though a woman is missing a lot , But we still have to understand it’s not easy to cheat and it’s not easy to stay with your wife without sexual pleasure either

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By *hrills on WheelsMan
over a year ago

Exeter

I love my wife but she is in an unfortunate menopause aspect where she does not want intimacy or closeness for the last 6 years and i would never pressure her. Being on here allows me some fantasy times without risking hurting her in any way she does not deserve that.

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By *akie32Man
over a year ago

winchester

or maybe the op is just a crap shag and shes getting better elsware and is staying with him for the sake of the marrage, just an alternative thought, we arent all gods gift

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

Am I really to blame for using a swing site for uncomplicated sex,I have never had an affair.

I'm sure single women on here have there reasons,couples have lots of different reasons and guys are mostly married the world would be boring if we were all the same.

There’s a saying, water your garden and see it bloom.

You can never fool a woman, She knows exactly what you’re up to and she’s letting you enjoy yourself any man that thinks he can see though a woman is missing a lot , But we still have to understand it’s not easy to cheat and it’s not easy to stay with your wife without sexual pleasure either "

Then why stay with this woman who doesn't like sex? If sex is so important to him then he shouldn't have continued with their relationship. The woman has been lied to for 25 years.thats a long time.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

"I love my wife but she is in an unfortunate menopause aspect where she does not want intimacy or closeness for the last 6 years and i would never pressure her. Being on here allows me some fantasy times without risking hurting her in any way she does not deserve that."

Without risking her?

How would she feel about you being on here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am I really to blame for using a swing site for uncomplicated sex,I have never had an affair.

I'm sure single women on here have there reasons,couples have lots of different reasons and guys are mostly married the world would be boring if we were all the same.

There’s a saying, water your garden and see it bloom.

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

If you have been unfaithful for the last 25years you clearly havnt been engaging or committed to your relationship..shes probably picked up on this.

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By *abriellajackCouple
over a year ago

Newport

The judgement on here is incredible. The OP didn't ask for anyone's opinion on his moral standing. It was a simple question and if you don't agree with his situation surely you should just refuse to help by not answering and move on.

Every relationship is different and the only people able to truly judge what works for them and how they should behave are the two people involved in it.

We have both been in similar relationships with completely mismatched sex drives and it's bloody difficult. We didn't cheat and managed to end it but that doesn't make us think badly of the OP. It just makes us truly appreciate how lucky we are that we left and found each other.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"The judgement on here is incredible. The OP didn't ask for anyone's opinion on his moral standing. It was a simple question and if you don't agree with his situation surely you should just refuse to help by not answering and move on."

He specifically invited a debate.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"There’s a saying, water your garden and see it bloom."

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

Every relationship is different and the only people able to truly judge what works for them and how they should behave are the two people involved in it.

Iagree with leaving and finding your match as thats what i got with john. But the op did not need to say he had been cheating on his wife for 25yrs of hos 30yr marriage either. If he had left that out he would have had a better responce. Swinging is not just about shagging, its about making friendships and connections also as well as great sex. Nothing in the proper swingers ethos is about cheating,its about Consenting to sharing your partner and not cheating behind their backs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every relationship is different and the only people able to truly judge what works for them and how they should behave are the two people involved in it.

Each to their own

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What is the proper swingers ethos?

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"What is the proper swingers ethos?

Consensual sex with others. No cheating behind their backs. Even hot wives hubbies know what their mrs is getting up to as there are no secrets. If you are hiding thing things from your partner or playing with out their knowledge that is not consensual it's cheating plain and simple. Swinging lifestyle is not based on cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There’s a saying, water your garden and see it bloom.

I like this.

You get out what you put in

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"There’s a saying, water your garden and see it bloom.

I like this.

You get out what you put in

I'd say this is true in many cases but it should be reciprocated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of analysts on here, holy fuck!... The money i could save!!

Why do people put love and sex in the same basket all the time.

In a relationship it's possible to be perfectly happy with everything about your partner but just not 100% sexually compatible. Men and women have different biology, views and emotional thoughts/needs when it comes to sex. As a rule a man can make love, or just fuck and the two are not the same at all, whereas women tend to want more of an emotional connection involved.

Yes it might not be ideal to have a separate love life and sex life or for each to be with a different person but if the relationship is great in every other respect why should it be so bad?

While it's not ideal to lie to your partner, only you know her, not any of the psychotherapists on here. Only you know why you haven't told her and only you could predict her response if she found out. Perhaps in your mind you're shielding her from finding that she's not your cup of tea sexually or that she is but with only one sugar whereas you like two. It's in some ways the same thing as shielding her from finding out you can't afford to pay the mortgage, or that you fancy the neighbour, have bisexual thoughts, or from other skeletons in the closet. Amazing that so many swingers seem to have none, despite the number of profiles asking for total discretion. Lol

In your head maybe you don't want her to find out there's an area of your relationship that isn't working as it should, perhaps it never will. BUT you're not a monster. Plenty of men have their wife's blessing to fuck other women, some are positively encouraged, even forced to do it, does that make THEIR sex life good or bad? Honestly one partner having to be tied up in a cage and forced to watch their other half being fucked for fun doesn't sound totally healthy, or very loving does it?

In reality, anyone on a swinging site is in the same boat as you. They need to involve others to get their fun and i'm all for it but in your case, a husband wanting what the wife can't or won't provide i would say just talk.

Calmly, rationally look together at what is and isn't working in your relationship, sex is just one small part. If it needs a tweak maybe you can both work on it, or find a compromise that works. Looks like you have found one without involving her but again, that doesn't make you a monster. It's all about compromise. If she can't give what you want maybe understanding what it is you want and why you want it can help you both.

25 years of cheating is a bit shit, but you have kids and obviously a relationship that works pretty well in many other if not almost all other respects. So think before jumping into anything. Rather than the threat of "what if she's been doing the same to you!" I suspect if she were, you'd probably really get off on that?

In short, who knows what works for you both! No one on here that's for sure, because they don't know either of you!! Talking might end up with a broken home or her telling you that you can have extra marital fun but one thing is for sure, the decision to talk or not is yours. Do what works for you but realise that at some point you may be caught and will have to face the music.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"In reality, anyone on a swinging site is in the same boat...

25 years of cheating is a bit shit, but you have kids and obviously a relationship that works pretty well in many other if not almost all other respects. "

I just need to be pedantic and pick up on a couple of things here.

1) We are not in the same boat *at all.*

If anything, we are in opposite boats.

2) '...a relationship that works pretty well in many other if not almost all other respects...'

No, it doesn't. He has lied to and disrespected his partner - and the mother of his children - for 25 years! Do you think that when she finds out, she'll say, "Well, at least the rest of the relationship was good!"?!

The relationship does not work well at all, because it is a sham. A cruel trick played on his partner that is, at the very least, making a complete mockery of her.

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"Lots of analysts on here, holy fuck!... The money i could save!!

Why do people put love and sex in the same basket all the time.

Yes it might not be ideal to have a separate love life and sex life or for each to be with a different person but if the relationship is great in every other respect why should it be so bad?

Not being sexually compatible in a relationship surely would be spoken about between the two so they have an understanding on expectations of one an other. This clearly isn't the case with the OP. He has been totally dishonest and using the fact that he feels its saved his marriage as validation. What about his wife? Where was her choice. There was none because he took that away from her. You can't dress this situation up in the slightest. Cheating weather its in a club and having a one night stand to being on a swingers site claiming to be a swinger when actually he is just fucking about, it's all still cheating and I for one really do feel sorry for his wife.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

"In reality, anyone on a swinging site is in the same boat...

25 years of cheating is a bit shit, but you have kids and obviously a relationship that works pretty well in many other if not almost all other respects.

I just need to be pedantic and pick up on a couple of things here.

1) We are not in the same boat *at all.*

If anything, we are in opposite boats.

2) '...a relationship that works pretty well in many other if not almost all other respects...'

The relationship does not work well at all, because it is a sham. A cruel trick played on his partner that is, at the very least, making a complete mockery of her. "

Agree totally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/02/22 04:23:17]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure this topic has been posted before but I'm interested in what you think?

I would manly like to hear the girls side of this but also if you guys are in the same boat fire away.

So I'm coming upto my 30th wedding anniversary and my wife dosent like sex.

I have been swinging for over 25 years and its kept my marriage together (unbeknown to her) I hope I have got my point across and let's start a debate "

I don't know the ins and outs of your personal life with her. But I would have walked out of a sexless relationship if my partner makes no effort to fix the problem at the same time refuses to give me her blessings to fulffil my emotional and physical needs elsewhere openly.

Living a secret life for that long would have just destroyed me from the inside out. But each to their own as they say.

I tried with my ex for years to get her to seek professional help in order to save our relationship but she never did and never felt the need to do it. She faked her orgasms at the begining, then the more she settled in the relationship the less fun I had till it went to zero. She was too selfish to care about my needs and feelings. But I found the strength to end it and move on. Now all she can do is stalking me. Only think I regret looking back is the years I wasted on her trying to make it work. But living a secret life would have made me even less happy inside.

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By *ex-BombsCouple
over a year ago

Flitwick

She may not like sex but I guarantee she knows you have played away and whilst everyone deserves a healthy sex life what gives you the right to decide as you don’t want to leave you are just going to cheat for that length of time? No one who has commented is living your life and whilst everyone should be happy with how they conduct themselves 25 years is a lifetime of lies and that’s not healthy for anyone.

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By *itzi999Woman
over a year ago

Slough

"Has your wife always alkegedly not enjoyed sex?

Do you think there's a possibility she had an idea of your swinging life and therefore feels rejected like she's not enough for you not sexually attractive to you?

Have you spoken to someone like a counsellor or a Dr this?

Is it possible she is having a healthy sex life, but that you're not aware of it & how would you feel f that were the case?

Could it be that you and your wife have just gotten into such an unspoken rut?

this

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