FabSwingers.com forum: Being more assertive in clubs

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi, recently going back to a club, after a long time in which I've mellowed out in more ways than one, had a little situation with a member of the wanking dead, and also felt a little daunted at walking up to approach people/ breaking the ice.

Any tips or advice on being more assertive and firm if its not in your nature? TIA

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

As for the wanking dead, if you don't feel comfortable telling them to back off, you could just put your hand out to show you're effectively pushing them away (works for us)

As for approaching in a club, as a single lady, ask you really need to do is make eye contact & smile, most of us would take the hint and approach you.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"As for the wanking dead, if you don't feel comfortable telling them to back off, you could just put your hand out to show you're effectively pushing them away (works for us)

As for approaching in a club, as a single lady, ask you really need to do is make eye contact & smile, most of us would take the hint and approach you. "

I use my palm up too. Sometimes shake my head. Or just say 'No', when 'no thanks' doesn't work. Body language should have ordinarily told these people to back off, but many choose to ignore this.

For getting connections, I smile, nod my head and smile, say hi to people at the bar. Mostly I find that people will come towards you, if you've indicated a chatty openness to others.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

The wanking dead

love it.

When Im with a female in a club I just put my arm out and they do back off, easier than speaking to them, they sometimes still follow you around like they are lost but the dead all understand this universal symbol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think of it as practice. These are strangers, and it is YOUR body.

I totally get where you’re coming from, and it’s hard, but look at your people pleasing behaviours in all settings, start working on your boundaries, and using your voice, so you get more confident in general, not just in a club setting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks all

Definitely things to try, using palms up, practicing being more firm & more eye contact for flirting xo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks all

Definitely things to try, using palms up, practicing being more firm & more eye contact for flirting xo "

Just wiggle that cute little ass and they will all swarm to you x

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I struggled (and still struggle) on the "approaching people" side. I find it much easier to engage in purely social contact at the start of the evening. The hot tub and smoking area are good places for that, because they're quieter than the bar and have small groups of random people who are placed together for a short time. You can have a friendly conversation with no one expecting it to go beyond that. The people I've met, and the conversations I've had, are on their own worth the effort.

Later, having broken that ice, it's easier to approach people about play.

The trick that worked for me was having a chat one night with the club owner, and telling him that I wanted to be less shy. He didn't have to do anything, or say anything - just making that promise to someone else was all I needed to force myself do it the next time I was there. The first person said no. The second didn't.

Also, watch people. Pick out the ones that you want to be like, and pay attention to how they do things.

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By *herryEatersCouple
over a year ago

East Cheshire

"Hi, recently going back to a club, after a long time in which I've mellowed out in more ways than one, had a little situation with a member of the wanking dead, and also felt a little daunted at walking up to approach people/ breaking the ice.

Any tips or advice on being more assertive and firm if its not in your nature? TIA

Just smile at them when they're looking and they'll soon be over, or walk up to them and say 'hi', join them in the jacuzzi and conversation usually starts... Most wanking dead respond to a hand up and 'NO', if not, report them to club staff. Practise being more assertive, pretend you are as if acting...

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

I just politely say no. If they continue I tell the staff

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By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville

I'd tell the manager or person behind the bar that you're shy for a start off. They'll help and introduce you to people. Then just smile at people and they'll take the hint. As for the "cock conga" as I call it, say no or shake your head and if they don't listen tell staff, as a single female you should be very well looked after. Hope this helps and most importantly enjoy yourself x

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By *andSCouple
over a year ago

Old London Town

Any tips or advice on being more assertive and firm if its not in your nature? TIA

We don’t find it easy to talk to people either - even in clubs we’ve been to for a while. It has got better since we started back after Covid, but we could still probably do better.

Even as a couple we have been plagued by the wanking dead, so we find places to go where it’s couples only and single ladies nights. It just cuts out an issue straight away.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

As for unwelcome advances its a case of practice and maybe deprogramming if your ultra agreeable by nature. A polite but clear no thanks should be OK. Unfortunately that's not always enough with some people. If so you may need to spell it out very clearly and as others have said with a clear hand gesture. If you need more then that person shouldn't be in the club and you should tell the staff. Clubs are safe places to say no in, safe places to reject people without fear of consequences. Unfortunately I know that's not always the way outside of a club. I'm sure the more you get back into your club mojo the better you'll be a it.

As the meeting people it's the same, practice makes perfect. But I think a bit of assertiveness and get up and go is important for a single lady too, especially if she wants the full range of opportunities. Some say just be there and smile. It seems based on a concept that single females are prized item that no one can resist and all are desperate for. Thus you need to do nothing to get picked up. That people will form a queue for the attention of a single lady. This maybe true to the extent someone will no doubt try and pick you up. But not all single men, couples or women will or feel the need to make the first advance. They maybe be quite happy and not desperate to go out of their way to meet you just because you are a single female. The scope of what some people's is far wider than just your a lone female, us included. You are your own person and its totally OK to make an advance to get what you really want. Because if you don't or at least meet half way you may miss out on meeting some great people and some great encounters. And also some people like me (Mr) won't necessarily see a nice smile and eye contact as a come on. I don't always pick up on subtle come on and you have to lay it on a bit more for me. I think (from experience as a single) it's a skill to know how to go about approaching the people your interested in. You really do get better at it with practice and trial and error. But only you can do that. It's you that has to be brave enough just to go for ot, success or failure. And to be fair failure isn't failure because it helps you learn and get better at it. And there is little risk and potentially lots of reward to being brave. Because all you risk is a little knock to your pride. But the venue is safe and people will in general (especially to a single lady) will be nice about it. So go forward, chase what you want and don't sit about waiting for what comes to you because not everyone will hand themselves on a plate to you.

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By *uppyandtabbyCouple
over a year ago

Prestatyn

:The wanking dead" that is so funny we are going to remember that one

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By *J and CBCouple
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

My wife and i went to the Attic in Derby one Saturday afternoon to check it out for a possible evening visit. We went into a room sat down and had a chat. When we got up to leave there were 5 members of the wanking dead club in the doorway staring at us, it was like a scene from Resident Evil.

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