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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So my friend asked me recently who likes to dabble between sexes. Does it make somebody a bad person if they are in a happy relationship but their sexual needs will never be fulfilled? Happy to lead a vanilla life afterwords but needs to experience certain things before wanting to tie the knot. Nobody likes a cheater right...? (Asking for a friend so I can show her the results)

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By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

Why does your friend want to be in a relationship/marriage where they would never be able to be themselves? They need a chat with their partner, express their needs and concerns. And you never know, the other person may have similar worries.

I tried monogamous relationships, not as far as marriage but a couple of long-term ones. And I realised that, no matter what the society is trying to impose on me, I am not monogamous. I need variety in my sex life that one partner, no matter how good, could not give me. Now I am in an open relationship, we both have the same amount of freedom, and it works for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So my friend asked me recently who likes to dabble between sexes. Does it make somebody a bad person if they are in a happy relationship but their sexual needs will never be fulfilled? Happy to lead a vanilla life afterwords but needs to experience certain things before wanting to tie the knot. Nobody likes a cheater right...? (Asking for a friend so I can show her the results) "

You say their sexual needs will never be fulfilled? If that's the case do they intend cheating after they are married too?

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

Ultimately doing something behind a partners back is cheating

But there are certain things a girl can't offer a guy & a guy can't offer a girl which is why I personally couldn't get annoyed about the act but I would be devastated that my partner had secrets

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Why do people ask questions like that? Whether it makes them a bad person in my eyes is irrelevant, it's whether they can live with themselves or if their partner thinks they're bad.

Entering a relationship where you need a third party to find out what other people think of the terms of that relationship is a big sign that a bit of a talk is needed

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Ultimately doing something behind a partners back is cheating

But there are certain things a girl can't offer a guy & a guy can't offer a girl which is why I personally couldn't get annoyed about the act but I would be devastated that my partner had secrets"

She isn't the person he thinks she is. I don't know how you can justify that to yourself

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Needs or wants?

Does she actually NEED it or using the word need to justify it to herself so she doesn't sound like a selfish decpetive cunt?

If she can't communicate with the person who's about to dedicate their life to her that she would like to have these experiences then she really should be questioning whether that person is right for her or convenient for her.

Not to mention whether lying, deceiving, manipulating and conning is right for the other person, or is it something they really don't deserve and should they be trusted with the truth, to make informed decisions.

Selfish and cruel. That's what it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So my friend asked me recently who likes to dabble between sexes. Does it make somebody a bad person if they are in a happy relationship but their sexual needs will never be fulfilled? Happy to lead a vanilla life afterwords but needs to experience certain things before wanting to tie the knot. Nobody likes a cheater right...? (Asking for a friend so I can show her the results) "

No she's a good person. It's fine to fuck around behind your partner's back if they are shit at sex. Just use them for the other stuff like money and get the sex elsewhere. People should be together for whatever the other person can offer them. It's just a transaction.

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray


"So my friend asked me recently who likes to dabble between sexes. Does it make somebody a bad person if they are in a happy relationship but their sexual needs will never be fulfilled? Happy to lead a vanilla life afterwords but needs to experience certain things before wanting to tie the knot. Nobody likes a cheater right...? (Asking for a friend so I can show her the results) "

This makes no sense. Your friend says she/he is in a happy relationship but dabbles in both sexses, and that their sexual needs will never be fulfilled, but surely they would if said person dabbles in both sexes??

however if I had found out that my hubby had a secret side to him and was going out to meet people for sex because his sexual needs arnt being met then he would no longer be my husband. Regardless of the reasons behind it, its cheating..plain and simple..don't be in the relationship full stop if you want to sleep with other people..

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock


"Ultimately doing something behind a partners back is cheating

But there are certain things a girl can't offer a guy & a guy can't offer a girl which is why I personally couldn't get annoyed about the act but I would be devastated that my partner had secrets

She isn't the person he thinks she is. I don't know how you can justify that to yourself"

I'm not trying to justify it I've said I'd be devestated but it would be by a sexual act it would be like you said because they'd had secrets, they wasn't who they said they portrayed themselves to be, they had desires they hadn't been able to share etc

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Ultimately doing something behind a partners back is cheating

But there are certain things a girl can't offer a guy & a guy can't offer a girl which is why I personally couldn't get annoyed about the act but I would be devastated that my partner had secrets

She isn't the person he thinks she is. I don't know how you can justify that to yourself

I'm not trying to justify it I've said I'd be devestated but it would be by a sexual act it would be like you said because they'd had secrets, they wasn't who they said they portrayed themselves to be, they had desires they hadn't been able to share etc

"

I wasn't clear I didn't mean you were justifying it, I meant she was

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By *he_Last_TitanMan
over a year ago

Bristol


"(Asking for a friend so I can show her the results) "

Anyone remember Ace Venturer?

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

It’s cheating no matter which way you look at it or sugar coat it. So still a really sh*tty thing to do in my personal opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So the gist is, yes it's ok to cheat right? Asking for an imaginary friend

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Cheating would probably hurt her partner regardless, even if it was a female that she cheated with. So it's not ideal to start married life based on that, can't your friend be honest with her partner and see if he'd be happy for her to explore?.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every swinger is a cheater if some point of views are to be agreed with. U are looking for sex with people who are not ur partners means u are not satisfied with ur own. Whether ur partner ‘knows’ is ‘involved’ doesn’t matter , u are doing this because somewhere deep inside u are looking for something extra. So this feeling will eventually come out and will get in the way of ur relationship. If u are fucking someone who fucks better than ur partner and u want more of it u will start parting away from the original one gradually.

So basically get out of the guilt and accusations of cheating and blah blah .. if u are on this site male or female and u are in a relationship means u are looking for something more than what u have. I for one never judge people if they are married or not don’t classify them as cheaters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Every swinger is a cheater if some point of views are to be agreed with. U are looking for sex with people who are not ur partners means u are not satisfied with ur own. Whether ur partner ‘knows’ is ‘involved’ doesn’t matter , u are doing this because somewhere deep inside u are looking for something extra. So this feeling will eventually come out and will get in the way of ur relationship. If u are fucking someone who fucks better than ur partner and u want more of it u will start parting away from the original one gradually.

So basically get out of the guilt and accusations of cheating and blah blah .. if u are on this site male or female and u are in a relationship means u are looking for something more than what u have. I for one never judge people if they are married or not don’t classify them as cheaters."

You have absolutely no clue what Swinging is. It's about trust, sharing, NOT cheating. It does not mean the people aren't happy in their relationship.

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By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple
over a year ago

Exeter


"Every swinger is a cheater if some point of views are to be agreed with. U are looking for sex with people who are not ur partners means u are not satisfied with ur own. Whether ur partner ‘knows’ is ‘involved’ doesn’t matter , u are doing this because somewhere deep inside u are looking for something extra. So this feeling will eventually come out and will get in the way of ur relationship. If u are fucking someone who fucks better than ur partner and u want more of it u will start parting away from the original one gradually.

So basically get out of the guilt and accusations of cheating and blah blah .. if u are on this site male or female and u are in a relationship means u are looking for something more than what u have. I for one never judge people if they are married or not don’t classify them as cheaters.

You have absolutely no clue what Swinging is. It's about trust, sharing, NOT cheating. It does not mean the people aren't happy in their relationship.

"

Agree. That has to be one of if not the most ridiculous statement we've read on here since Joining!

We'd take a wild guess that they may be a cheat themselves.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids


"So my friend asked me recently who likes to dabble between sexes. Does it make somebody a bad person if they are in a happy relationship but their sexual needs will never be fulfilled? Happy to lead a vanilla life afterwords but needs to experience certain things before wanting to tie the knot. Nobody likes a cheater right...? (Asking for a friend so I can show her the results) "

Maybe they should consider leaving their vanilla relationship for a while and take a walk on the wild side.

Or maybe they should discuss their needs with their vanilla partner.

You are kind of right, not everyone likes a cheat. But you will also find some just don't care.

Maybe your 'friend' should first decide whether she sees herself as a decent, honest, respectful person. Then consider if a cheating person can be described in that way.

But the bit about dabbling between sexes, well nothing wrong with that!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Every swinger is a cheater if some point of views are to be agreed with. U are looking for sex with people who are not ur partners means u are not satisfied with ur own. Whether ur partner ‘knows’ is ‘involved’ doesn’t matter , u are doing this because somewhere deep inside u are looking for something extra. So this feeling will eventually come out and will get in the way of ur relationship. If u are fucking someone who fucks better than ur partner and u want more of it u will start parting away from the original one gradually.

So basically get out of the guilt and accusations of cheating and blah blah .. if u are on this site male or female and u are in a relationship means u are looking for something more than what u have. I for one never judge people if they are married or not don’t classify them as cheaters."

You haven't a clue what swinging is about at all.

KJ

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By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

Well someone needs to talk to their partner ?? and yes it can be hard but far better than living a lie as that never ever ends well !!

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By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

Every swinger is cheating or is a cheater ?? missing the whole point of swinging ?????

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Every swinger is a cheater if some point of views are to be agreed with. U are looking for sex with people who are not ur partners means u are not satisfied with ur own. Whether ur partner ‘knows’ is ‘involved’ doesn’t matter , u are doing this because somewhere deep inside u are looking for something extra. So this feeling will eventually come out and will get in the way of ur relationship. If u are fucking someone who fucks better than ur partner and u want more of it u will start parting away from the original one gradually.

So basically get out of the guilt and accusations of cheating and blah blah .. if u are on this site male or female and u are in a relationship means u are looking for something more than what u have. I for one never judge people if they are married or not don’t classify them as cheaters."

The first bit bothers me terribly.

So are you only a thief if you get caught? Is that the logic we're going by?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Every swinger is a cheater if some point of views are to be agreed with. U are looking for sex with people who are not ur partners means u are not satisfied with ur own. Whether ur partner ‘knows’ is ‘involved’ doesn’t matter , u are doing this because somewhere deep inside u are looking for something extra. So this feeling will eventually come out and will get in the way of ur relationship. If u are fucking someone who fucks better than ur partner and u want more of it u will start parting away from the original one gradually.

So basically get out of the guilt and accusations of cheating and blah blah .. if u are on this site male or female and u are in a relationship means u are looking for something more than what u have. I for one never judge people if they are married or not don’t classify them as cheaters."

But you'll happily judge people who are swingers

An awful lot of people think the way you do it's often because they're trying to justify their own behaviour but it's also the way people who don't know anything about the swinging world think.

I reckon we should all get on with our lives the best way we can without trying to make everyone else think the same way we do

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit


"Every swinger is a cheater if some point of views are to be agreed with. U are looking for sex with people who are not ur partners means u are not satisfied with ur own. Whether ur partner ‘knows’ is ‘involved’ doesn’t matter , u are doing this because somewhere deep inside u are looking for something extra. So this feeling will eventually come out and will get in the way of ur relationship. If u are fucking someone who fucks better than ur partner and u want more of it u will start parting away from the original one gradually.

So basically get out of the guilt and accusations of cheating and blah blah .. if u are on this site male or female and u are in a relationship means u are looking for something more than what u have. I for one never judge people if they are married or not don’t classify them as cheaters."

Totally wrong

Swingers meet others with full permission and knowledge of their partners and chests don't. If someone Is married and their wife /husband isn't aware that they meet others they are a cheat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why do people ask questions like that? Whether it makes them a bad person in my eyes is irrelevant, it's whether they can live with themselves or if their partner thinks they're bad.

Entering a relationship where you need a third party to find out what other people think of the terms of that relationship is a big sign that a bit of a talk is needed "

Agreed

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids


"So my friend asked me recently who likes to dabble between sexes. Does it make somebody a bad person if they are in a happy relationship but their sexual needs will never be fulfilled? Happy to lead a vanilla life afterwords but needs to experience certain things before wanting to tie the knot. Nobody likes a cheater right...? (Asking for a friend so I can show her the results) "

Just a question though OP. The 'friend' you are asking for. Would he by any chance, be you??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not in a relationship right now had a nasty break up. But that’s my point of view I guess everyone has a liberty to have one. All I am trying to say i personally will never judge a person if they are married or not for being cheats.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids


"Not in a relationship right now had a nasty break up. But that’s my point of view I guess everyone has a liberty to have one. All I am trying to say i personally will never judge a person if they are married or not for being cheats.

"

Without being judgemental, are you saying that cheating is ok?

Or cheating is wrong?

We don't care about judging people, we believe in freedom of choice and it is their choice.

But is it right or wrong?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Not in a relationship right now had a nasty break up. But that’s my point of view I guess everyone has a liberty to have one. All I am trying to say i personally will never judge a person if they are married or not for being cheats.

Without being judgemental, are you saying that cheating is ok?

Or cheating is wrong?

We don't care about judging people, we believe in freedom of choice and it is their choice.

But is it right or wrong?"

You simply cannot ask if something is right or wrong in the same post as you say you don't care about judging. You're literally asking someone to make a judgement.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing is right or wrong in this world everything is situational. Histories have been written by the victors and that’s y victors are the good guys and losers are the evil guys.

(Mic drop)

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids


"Not in a relationship right now had a nasty break up. But that’s my point of view I guess everyone has a liberty to have one. All I am trying to say i personally will never judge a person if they are married or not for being cheats.

Without being judgemental, are you saying that cheating is ok?

Or cheating is wrong?

We don't care about judging people, we believe in freedom of choice and it is their choice.

But is it right or wrong?

You simply cannot ask if something is right or wrong in the same post as you say you don't care about judging. You're literally asking someone to make a judgement. "

We honestly see it as a simple question rather than a judgement, however we can see how people can think of it as that.

Fair enough.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids


"Nothing is right or wrong in this world everything is situational. Histories have been written by the victors and that’s y victors are the good guys and losers are the evil guys.

(Mic drop) "

We don't personally agree with that.

However like us, everyone has a different view or opinion.

We guess that is what makes the world so crazy!

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Nothing is right or wrong in this world everything is situational. Histories have been written by the victors and that’s y victors are the good guys and losers are the evil guys.

(Mic drop) "

Mic drops only work when you're talking facts and truths.

I'm quite certain we can all look back at historical events or behaviours and think "wow, that's cold, callous and cunty" by those who were, as you put it "victors".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nothing is right or wrong in this world everything is situational. Histories have been written by the victors and that’s y victors are the good guys and losers are the evil guys.

(Mic drop)

Mic drops only work when you're talking facts and truths.

I'm quite certain we can all look back at historical events or behaviours and think "wow, that's cold, callous and cunty" by those who were, as you put it "victors".

"

Mic drops are the modern equivalent of saying ‘so there’ and putting the phone down before then taking it off the hook so they can’t ring back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nothing is right or wrong in this world everything is situational. Histories have been written by the victors and that’s y victors are the good guys and losers are the evil guys.

(Mic drop)

Mic drops only work when you're talking facts and truths.

I'm quite certain we can all look back at historical events or behaviours and think "wow, that's cold, callous and cunty" by those who were, as you put it "victors".

Mic drops are the modern equivalent of saying ‘so there’ and putting the phone down before then taking it off the hook so they can’t ring back "

Thank you .. now that's something I can agree with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being a cheater makes you a bad person, whether you’re married or just in a relationship.

Cheating ahead of a marriage is still unacceptable.

If your friend is unhappy with her partner she should leave him and find someone more suitable.

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By *inx_xxWoman
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

You know the story of pandoras box..... Welcoming to swinging

Once you've opened the box to "fulfill or try out" it will always be something else, the lid never seems to stay shut permanently.

Being committed to somebody means exactly that kinks and chains included

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By *appytaffWoman
over a year ago

blackwood

For an open and broad minded community it’s very judgmental in here.

So with a slightly different slant on things - what if there’s a partner who’s just not interested in sex but you are compatible in so many other ways ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For an open and broad minded community it’s very judgmental in here.

So with a slightly different slant on things - what if there’s a partner who’s just not interested in sex but you are compatible in so many other ways ?"

Cheating and swinging are not the same thing, but people often think that because you’re into ethical non-monogamy or recreational sex that you’ll be cool with cheating too. I don’t think they go hand in hand at all.

If you’re in a great relationship but your sexual needs aren’t being met then I think you either choose to stay and forgo the sex if you can’t reach a resolution with your partner. Or you leave. For me cheating so you can have your cake and eat it should never be an option.

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By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple
over a year ago

Exeter


"For an open and broad minded community it’s very judgmental in here.

So with a slightly different slant on things - what if there’s a partner who’s just not interested in sex but you are compatible in so many other ways ?"

It would still be a really shitty thing to do.

Would be an unfortunate situation be to be in, but they should make a decision as to what's more important to them. Is it really worth ruining someone's life who they claim they love?

But it works both ways, if one side isn't sexual towards the other then they need to understand how that can effect their partner.

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By *ancelot1633Man
over a year ago

folkstone

Not in a position or of a mind to judge anyone, we all have to live with ourselves and our beliefs BUT can we agree that by definition many swingers commit adultery? But that’s surely our own business

Cambridge Dictionary

Meaning of adultery in English

adultery

noun [ U ]

UK /?'d?l.t?r.i/ US /?'d?l.t?.i/

sex between a married man or woman and someone he or she is not married to:

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By *ancsduoCouple
over a year ago

Morecambe

[Removed by poster at 28/01/22 23:34:49]

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By *ancsduoCouple
over a year ago

Morecambe


"Every swinger is a cheater if some point of views are to be agreed with. U are looking for sex with people who are not ur partners means u are not satisfied with ur own. Whether ur partner ‘knows’ is ‘involved’ doesn’t matter , u are doing this because somewhere deep inside u are looking for something extra. So this feeling will eventually come out and will get in the way of ur relationship. If u are fucking someone who fucks better than ur partner and u want more of it u will start parting away from the original one gradually.

So basically get out of the guilt and accusations of cheating and blah blah .. if u are on this site male or female and u are in a relationship means u are looking for something more than what u have. I for one never judge people if they are married or not don’t classify them as cheaters."

^^ Utter rubbish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not in a position or of a mind to judge anyone, we all have to live with ourselves and our beliefs BUT can we agree that by definition many swingers commit adultery? But that’s surely our own business

Cambridge Dictionary

Meaning of adultery in English

adultery

noun [ U ]

UK /?'d?l.t?r.i/ US /?'d?l.t?.i/

sex between a married man or woman and someone he or she is not married to:"

I don’t think dictionary definitions are important. If my partner and I choose to play with others that won’t break my heart will it? But if I found out that the person I was going to marry was having secret sex with others I’d be bereft and it would be the end of our relationship.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

[Removed by poster at 29/01/22 06:20:20]

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids


"Not in a position or of a mind to judge anyone, we all have to live with ourselves and our beliefs BUT can we agree that by definition many swingers commit adultery? But that’s surely our own business

Cambridge Dictionary

Meaning of adultery in English

adultery

noun [ U ]

UK /?'d?l.t?r.i/ US /?'d?l.t?.i/

sex between a married man or woman and someone he or she is not married to:"

Cambridge dictionary.

cheating definition: 1. present participle of cheat 2. to behave in a dishonest way in order to get what you want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For an open and broad minded community it’s very judgmental in here.

So with a slightly different slant on things - what if there’s a partner who’s just not interested in sex but you are compatible in so many other ways ?"

Do they consent to their partner fucking other people?

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids


"For an open and broad minded community it’s very judgmental in here.

So with a slightly different slant on things - what if there’s a partner who’s just not interested in sex but you are compatible in so many other ways ?

Do they consent to their partner fucking other people?"

Exactly. In a partnership, all decisions should be shared.

If my business partner decided he could make decisions without consulting me, then he or she would be my ex business partner.

We decided to be partners, we chose to be. If we want to change the terms, then it should be discussed.

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By *ancelot1633Man
over a year ago

folkstone


"Not in a position or of a mind to judge anyone, we all have to live with ourselves and our beliefs BUT can we agree that by definition many swingers commit adultery? But that’s surely our own business

Cambridge Dictionary

Meaning of adultery in English

adultery

noun [ U ]

UK /?'d?l.t?r.i/ US /?'d?l.t?.i/

sex between a married man or woman and someone he or she is not married to:

Cambridge dictionary.

cheating definition: 1. present participle of cheat 2. to behave in a dishonest way in order to get what you want.

"

Cambridge dictionary

Meaning of swinger in English

swinger

noun [ C ] old-fashioned slang

UK /'sw??.?r/ US /'sw??.?/

a person who dresses in a fashionable way and who goes to a lot of parties and nightclubs, or someone who is willing to have sex often with many different people

So according to the Cambridge dictionary a cheat or an adulterer can be a swinger. Of course we all have our own definitions which is fine and dandy as long as we realise that so does everybody else. Live by your views don’t expect everyone else to agree with you.

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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago

West Mids


"Not in a position or of a mind to judge anyone, we all have to live with ourselves and our beliefs BUT can we agree that by definition many swingers commit adultery? But that’s surely our own business

If people cannot see that they are behaving dishonestly then that is really sad.

Cambridge Dictionary

Meaning of adultery in English

adultery

noun [ U ]

UK /?'d?l.t?r.i/ US /?'d?l.t?.i/

sex between a married man or woman and someone he or she is not married to:

Cambridge dictionary.

cheating definition: 1. present participle of cheat 2. to behave in a dishonest way in order to get what you want.

Cambridge dictionary

Meaning of swinger in English

swinger

noun [ C ] old-fashioned slang

UK /'sw??.?r/ US /'sw??.?/

a person who dresses in a fashionable way and who goes to a lot of parties and nightclubs, or someone who is willing to have sex often with many different people

So according to the Cambridge dictionary a cheat or an adulterer can be a swinger. Of course we all have our own definitions which is fine and dandy as long as we realise that so does everybody else. Live by your views don’t expect everyone else to agree with you.

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