FabSwingers.com forum: teaching my hubby to be a safe dom

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm sub and my hubby is keen to learn to be my dom but he needs a little guidance I have tried telling him even demonstrating my limits but some how he doesn't quite grasp lol for spanking he goes full on first whack where as I like the build up its not about just pain for me tho I do enjoy that its knowing what's coming or he will yank my hair way to hard I swear I'll end up bald lol I darent let him loose with a paddle or whip yet :S any advice or tips?? Please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try being dom to him. Show him what you want him to do to you.... Spank him, use a paddle, whatever you fancy. Maybe find a video on a porn site that you like an dlet him watch it for ideas.

If he still doesn't grasp it.... whip him!

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By *exyLancs2Couple
over a year ago

Manchester

Be patient with him, and show displeasure in a very, very kind and understanding way. If you are bluntly critical you risk derailing his confidence completely and that's a tough one to get back from. Also, understand that being a 'good dom' is very challenging on an mental level too. Enjoy the journey and guide because if you 'kick off' then he'll avoid doing the sub dom play all he can and perhaps withdraw into himself.

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Invite and experienced dom to show him !

Or a dom / sub couple and let him watch that.

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By *et_me_take_controlMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"Invite and experienced dom to show him !

Or a dom / sub couple and let him watch that."

The only way to become a 'better' Dom is through experience. You dont become a concert pianist the first time you play a tune! Practice, learn and listen. And be patient with him!

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

For it to work for both of you he has to want it as much as you.

If he does then he needs to put the time in doing research and getting one step ahead of his sub

Websites, reading, talking to other Doms talking to you about what turns you on and what turns you off. work out a code we use numbers 1is to soft 10 is way to hard 6-7 just right. Oh lots and lots of practice helps to

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By *wencatWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Try being dom to him. Show him what you want him to do to you.... Spank him, use a paddle, whatever you fancy. Maybe find a video on a porn site that you like an dlet him watch it for ideas.

If he still doesn't grasp it.... whip him!

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By *wencatWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

my partner has it just right he brilliant at spanking pulls my hair and the eye contact and that look and have a safe word never had to use it yet call him the arm now has this thing he sorta hold's me down its something that's built up over a few years he now know how dom to be for it to be good fun just keep telling him if he gets carried away

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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago

Midlothian

TALK LOADS!than talk some more about what you both want + like.Explore slowly!does he realy want to Dom you?may be he's not ready yet,do you realy want to be a sub?+ trust him to Dom you?!!@ the moment it's all about him "not doing it right+how you want it" it has to work for both of you!...all the best for your journey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A D/S relationship takes a while to build up. You need to talk about things with him (like previous posters have said) and I would advise using a safe word as well in play. In a D/S relationship the person with all the power is the sub, you are just giving that power to the dom for him to use. I love D/S play, its my favourite thing to do sexually but for me I'm not into the pain play as much as the power play. Giving the power to the dom and allowing him to do with it what he pleases is an amazing feeling. Enjoy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try being dom to him. Show him what you want him to do to you.... Spank him, use a paddle, whatever you fancy. Maybe find a video on a porn site that you like an dlet him watch it for ideas.

If he still doesn't grasp it.... whip him!

I think its important to get a feel for what you do, so if he's too heavy handed, let him know how heavy handed feels, then get him to put some control into what he does...

Good luck and enjoy!

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/10/12 11:47:32]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of talking, try and make sure as you are both learning that it is OK for you to direct a little at first - not as far as domming form the bottom but just far enough to prevent you both dive into a scene that you feel he doesn't have control over..control of himself is as important as his control over you

Take it at your own pace - try not to worry to much about what is the right way of doing and and learn and play as you feel comfortable. Have him understand that being dom doesn't mean he has to beat you to exert his dominance. I find a subtle implied dominance to be very effective

It may also be worth considering that he may not be dom material

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I first used a crop on my Toy, I kept hitting my arm with it too to get a feel for what it was like and to make sure I was using just the right amount of force, if that makes sense. He thought I was nuts.... but he still comes back for more!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I first used a crop on my Toy, I kept hitting my arm with it too to get a feel for what it was like and to make sure I was using just the right amount of force, if that makes sense. He thought I was nuts.... but he still comes back for more!

Makes perfect sense... I used to do that too

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another thing I'd suggest is maybe doing a bit of shopping for equipment together, a dom I used to see did this with me and it was great, we both were able to agree what things we wanted and the thought of certain things really got me going. I was also able to say "no" to some of the more hardcore suggestions he had! Gave us both a good idea of what kind of things we were into...

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