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Letting people down

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By *un Badgers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Stansted & France

We are a relatively new couple on the scene and absolutely loving it so far. But my mid life hormones are letting me down. I'm at a time in my life when I am starting to become a bit unpredictable and it has really got me depressed this evening. We had a lovely meet arranged this evening and guess what happened this morning?! We gave the option of a social and soft swap and maybe rearrange in a couple of weeks but I can't help feeling this is all my fault (which, actually, it is) and have got so upset about letting people down. I am worried that they think we are fakes or chickened out at the last minute. I can only feel that this is going to become a real problem in the future but I know that I can't possibly be the only one out there experiencing this. So how do I get over the upset and guilt when everyone else was so looking forward to it? Having to back out last minute and apologise profusely? I've been sobbing all morning. Getting plastered tonight.

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By *ustybee222Woman
over a year ago

portsmouth

Don't beat yourself up about it unfortunately things do crop up now and then and it can't be helped . Genuine people will understand and if they don't then that's on them x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would have taken you up on the social side of it and then taken it from there. There are reasons why everyone might have to cancel or change a meet up. I'm the same for similar reasons plus I have a disability that could flare up without much warning. I can understand people being disappointed if they're expecting a sex meet up, but can only hope that people are understanding with them if they're ever in your position.

As far as I can see, you've done nothing wrong x

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By *teph BitchTV/TS
over a year ago

Manchester

You have done nothing wrong. Lots of people assume that when a meet is arrnged that it should happen but they don't factor in that something could crop up for either party at last minute. If they are genuine they would understand.

I'm disabled too and I know how you feel

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By *ouble_The_DelightCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield

If it was us that were meeting you we would have still met for a social meet, if someone is genuine then they understand, these things happen so try not to feel upset by it, we should have been having a play meet thus evening but the couple had to cancel at short notice but we have rearranged and not a problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps you should knock fab stuff on the head and just enjoy what you have

It's not meant to make you miserable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've cancelled a few times OP due to hormone levels, lack of sleep because of waking up in the middle of the night, feeling really low etc.

Your well-being is much more important than a meet any day.

Keep rearranging or adjusting to what suits you - explain to the ones you meet. Any decent person would understand and maybe adjust to your need.

All the best

Take care of yourself x

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

It's not your fault op

We've all cancelled meets for one reason or another. I'm sure they'll understand

Hope you're looking after you tonight and feel better soon x

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Don't be so hard on yourself. What we all do is for fun but life gets in the way sometimes.

It happens to everyone at some point, just got to ride the waves and find fun when able.

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By *ave1963BarnsleyMan
over a year ago

Barnsley


"We are a relatively new couple on the scene and absolutely loving it so far. But my mid life hormones are letting me down. I'm at a time in my life when I am starting to become a bit unpredictable and it has really got me depressed this evening. We had a lovely meet arranged this evening and guess what happened this morning?! We gave the option of a social and soft swap and maybe rearrange in a couple of weeks but I can't help feeling this is all my fault (which, actually, it is) and have got so upset about letting people down. I am worried that they think we are fakes or chickened out at the last minute. I can only feel that this is going to become a real problem in the future but I know that I can't possibly be the only one out there experiencing this. So how do I get over the upset and guilt when everyone else was so looking forward to it? Having to back out last minute and apologise profusely? I've been sobbing all morning. Getting plastered tonight. "

First things first. You have no control over your emotions and you are entering a phase of your life when there will be a lot of changes.

(Yes, I know I'm a guy but I take the time to talk to women, read up on the subject and try to understand how those changes affect women both physically and mentally.)

You don't owe anybody anything and you're entitled to change your mind.

Anyone with any kind of understanding of the menopause will understand and indeed sympathise.

As a side point, the female friend I live with is currently going through these changes but our openness and honesty with each other means we have no issues.

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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough / Stamford

It's happened to us and most people are totally understanding as long as you can give as much notice as possible, and if you've built up some rapport.

Char still suffers from pain, nerve damage and fatigue almost three years after chemotherapy. There's good days, but more bad days and we've had to rearrange things at the last minute. Only once have we had someone suggest we were making up cancer as an excuse to meet him.

Don't sweat it.

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

It happens from time to time OP, as long as it doesn't happen again and again with the same people then most understand

Hell I was hosting a large party in a swinging club last night and couldn't make it due to what I think is a throat infection! Luckily I have friends who helped me out but I still felt really bad not being there....

Chin up lovely, life gets in the way of fun at times, but that is just a part of life x

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"We are a relatively new couple on the scene and absolutely loving it so far. But my mid life hormones are letting me down. I'm at a time in my life when I am starting to become a bit unpredictable and it has really got me depressed this evening. We had a lovely meet arranged this evening and guess what happened this morning?! We gave the option of a social and soft swap and maybe rearrange in a couple of weeks but I can't help feeling this is all my fault (which, actually, it is) and have got so upset about letting people down. I am worried that they think we are fakes or chickened out at the last minute. I can only feel that this is going to become a real problem in the future but I know that I can't possibly be the only one out there experiencing this. So how do I get over the upset and guilt when everyone else was so looking forward to it? Having to back out last minute and apologise profusely? I've been sobbing all morning. Getting plastered tonight. "

It's just a bit of fun, nobody died. No contracts were signed. Beating up on yourself helps nobody. Just relax and try again when you're ready.

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By *ewhorizonsCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Forget it, it’s only Fab. Nothing to get upset over. You seem a lot more genuine than most on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had exactly the same thing happen at our last meet OP. Hadn't had a period for 6 months then, hey presto, the morning of the meet there it was. I went ahead and only took part in the soft aspects of the meet (it was a small group meet) and everyone was very understanding. In fact they've kept in touch and we hope to arrange something again in the near future. We've had to cancel previously also for the same reason. Again, it was absolutely fine with the guy and we successfully rearranged.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It happens. I find it probably annoys me far more than it does anyone else. Just continue being honest and upfront. Most decent folk dislike letting others down. Conversely, most decent folk will understand that it's absolutely nothing you have control over.

Incidentally, this period is now into it's third week so I'm looking at perhaps trying one of the Beppy sponges...might be worth investigating those? But if you do, do it for yourself and not for others. Take care xx

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By *ad_Bod_ToddMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Oh bless you OP! The best thing that you can do is recognise and realise that sometimes the best thing that you can do is be your own best friend. DO NOT beat yourself up about things, trust me; I've done this many a time. It fixes nowt and makes you feel worse.

Genuine people will genuinely understand.

Peace and love to you.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

We're women, it happens! I don't know many who have periods like clockwork, especially at our age.

Last month mine was a week early! So any idea of fun went out of the window. I'm always very open about this with guys, not like I can control it!

Anyone with an ounce of decency would understand. And you gave other options.

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By *ikAshCouple
over a year ago

London

Don’t be too hard on yourself… sometimes plans have to be rearranged at short notice, but that’s life. The couples that count will understand and make new plans. This is meant to be fun, so don’t feel guilty. Be kind to yourself xx

Ash

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By *d4fun73Man
over a year ago

Shipley

I just wish people could be decent with you, there's ways of changing plans which are good and some that are bad. Politeness and manners seem to be sadly lacking on here. Women seem to think they can do whatever they like and treat us like crap just because they can.

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

Feeling guilty and upset about it will only compound the problem ..I know it's easier said than done, but try and not let it upset you, you havent done anything wrong.

If you communicate the situation and are genuine, which you clearly are, nice people will respond nicely...if they dont , well then they weren't worth meeting in the first place.

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By *offee and Cream 2Couple (MM)
over a year ago

Loughborough

I would have given you a great big hug, held you tight, and kissed you gently...............

And assured you that everything was perfectly ok.........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had a very similar thing happened before. Had travelled two hours to a hotel the night before to meet a couple the next day, and then hours beforehand nature played an unexpected visit.

Messaged the other couple immediately to say we could still do social and soft play, but they just called us timewasters (despite us doing all the travelling and paying the hotel fees!)

Things happen, try not to worry about it, and good luck xx

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

You were honest and didn't completely back out as you offered a social. If they didn't take you up on that then that's on them not you.

Nature happens and can't be helped.

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By *revaunanceCouple
over a year ago

Exeter


"We are a relatively new couple on the scene and absolutely loving it so far. But my mid life hormones are letting me down. I'm at a time in my life when I am starting to become a bit unpredictable and it has really got me depressed this evening. We had a lovely meet arranged this evening and guess what happened this morning?! We gave the option of a social and soft swap and maybe rearrange in a couple of weeks but I can't help feeling this is all my fault (which, actually, it is) and have got so upset about letting people down. I am worried that they think we are fakes or chickened out at the last minute. I can only feel that this is going to become a real problem in the future but I know that I can't possibly be the only one out there experiencing this. So how do I get over the upset and guilt when everyone else was so looking forward to it? Having to back out last minute and apologise profusely? I've been sobbing all morning. Getting plastered tonight. "

Don't beat yourself up about it, its not your fault and many of us have gone through it.

From personal experience we focussed more on the social side of things for a while and never planned anything in advance. If however an opportunity came out of nowhere and we were in a position to play, then we did so. Fortunately we made several social connections and enjoyed ourselves as best we could, sometimes we had to wit several months before any fun could be had.

On the other hand we once had a meet arranged in Wellington, and mother nature scuppered us when we were in the hotel getting ready to go out and meet a guy. We contacted him and explained the situation. He refused to meet even socially and he hasn't spoken to us since.

Sometimes you'll be forced to let people down, and sometimes you'll be let down by them and their reaction. However, the more understanding people out there will reschedule,

Good luck

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