FabSwingers.com forum: Etiquette on first meet.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As a new couple we have had very few meets (two with the same coupe as a couple) and are a bit unsure as to what is expected on a first meet.

What is the best way to broach the'so are we going to play' subject without making anyone feel awkward?

Is kissing a given unless explicitly forbiden (that would put us off, we love kissing).

Is it ok to be openly flirtatious with the opposite sex partner?

We would loveto get insightinto these and any other points of etiquette people think are important.

Kaz and Dyl

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By *reybearMan
over a year ago

medway

We always say we don't plan to play on a first meet, that reduces any pressure to do so, when we are meeting a guy for Mmf I speak to him first and tell him that flirting, touching (hands, knees etc) and kissing (if it feels right) are allowed so he knows what I am happy with... Then I just sit back and enjoy the show...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only speak as a single as I don't meet couples, but personally I've found the best approach is to simply be polite, friendly and welcoming - basically help the person you're meeting feel comfortable. Once conversation is flowing, and with a little luck you're exchanging smiles and eye contact, I usually just ask them straight out 'do you like me?' - some might read that and think 'thats a bit direct!' but I never ask it unless the situation tells me theres a good chance that they might respond favourably, and most of the time they do.

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

Get the hard-and-fast rules agreed in conversation before you meet.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

All great advice, thanks guys. Would love to hear from the perspective of couples

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By *inups99Couple
over a year ago

manchester

Well, we always make a rule of social meet/chat/drink and then go away and think about it. If we like a couple we message and ask if they'd like to meet again (obviously if we want to play) and if they like us hopefully we can sort something. If there's not the mutual attraction or readiness to play, things kind of fizzle out naturally............

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I always arrange a coffee meet first and by the end of it will have discussed if we want to meet to play.

That way we can decide if the lust is there without having performance anxiety

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are fairly new too and have had a few meets.

Just be honest and respectful .

Most of all be yourself and enjoy it after all you are all there for

We was shitting our selfs at our first meet but just relax and chatted about all sorts.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

we always meet socially first too and never play first meet it takes the pressure off. We also message back and forth a couple of times and say what we wont do, what we will consider and what we absolutely love

and ask the person or people we're meeting to do the same. That way when we do meet we cam have a relaxed drink all knowing more or less where the boundaries are and just enjoy getting to know one another with a spot of outrageous flirting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We find jumping on them as soon as we see then, tearing clothes off while singing " here we go again " is a good way to break the ice

To be honest, we do play on the first meet but make it clear via messages that its not essential. To be honest, we feel that you get the right or wrong vibes and go with the flow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always found its best to see the first meet as just saying hi to a friend etc......no pressure, open and honest.

You'll soon know if there's an attraction there or not....and go with the flow unless you feel uncomfortable then be honest and say.....

Mind you I love to flirt and tease wickedly and leave wanting.......

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By *nnie2009Couple
over a year ago

Blackpool

thats true, we go with the flo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just do not force the situation. Go where the mood takes you all.

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By *lexaWoman
over a year ago

southampton

You ask some really good questions. It's for these types of reasons that I hardly ever play with couples these days - it's so fucking complicated. Single meets are so much more straight forwards. Can I do this? Can I do that? If I do that with him, will it offend her ? What if he comes? Am I giving them both eqaul attention? This used to drive me mad.

My advise is to get the rules well established before the meet. If in doubt, walk away. Then message them to say you like them and would they like to play next time. Then establish the rules, then go from there. x

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I have met a few couples, for two of them it was their first MFM threesomes.

Sort out between the two of you your own rules for the night, what you will and what you really WONT do.

Stick to those because if you dont things can go wrong.

Let the other people know what you want, either online on phone before, or when you meet up prior to playing.

and from my experience .. rule number one BE HONEST....

if it dont feel to be working, and there is no 'spark' get out of it politely, and if that dont work...

just get out however you can.

and relax... easy to say and harder to do.

remember you decide what you want to do and dont be pressured into doing something you are not comfortable with..

main thing though is HAVE FUN .... thats what we are all on fab for

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"We find jumping on them as soon as we see then, tearing clothes off while singing " here we go again " is a good way to break the ice

To be honest, we do play on the first meet but make it clear via messages that its not essential. To be honest, we feel that you get the right or wrong vibes and go with the flow."

Madashatters .... i can see where the name comes from....

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

Have a drink and chat, then if all is well say "shall we go up to bed?" and when we're in the bedroom we usually swap partners right at the start and undress one another. We did have one couple who undressed themselves really quickly and were both lying on the bed while we both struggled out of our clothes! We usually kiss while undressing, never had anyone say they didn't kiss.

A few time we've asked new couples if they'd like to play a game, then if they said yes, got out our "Daredevil" board game. It gets everyone nude quite quickly and has sexy "dares" to get you all in the mood. There are a few games like this you can download from the net, one good one has various levels which start with kissing, go through putting condoms on and end with fucking in various positions, good for a party.

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By *orn_To_PerformCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

We usually meet other couples socially first. It's soon clear if there's any kind of chemistry! We try to avoid couples who have rules about who can do what, as in the heat of the moment, someone could overstep and cause a 'situaton'. Our only rule is no separate room, as we're swingers, not wife-swappers

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By *ourbonKissMan
over a year ago

a land up north..... of leicester

"We usually meet other couples socially first. It's soon clear if there's any kind of chemistry! We try to avoid couples who have rules about who can do what, as in the heat of the moment, someone could overstep and cause a 'situaton'. Our only rule is no separate room, as we're swingers, not wife-swappers

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By *uxtapositionMan
over a year ago

CARDIFF

Just be yourselves, act as you would in any other social situation and have no expectations and remember the other party has the right to chage thier mind upon meeting, just as you have upon meeting them.

Remember morals, legality, self respect and respect for other

NEVER, EVER do anything you will regret later.

There is no rush, if it feels right, then it probably is, if it feels wrong, then walk away and re-assess

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kaz il give you a cheeky wink

mwah xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have played on about 99% of our meets but then most of them are clubs or parties.

We tend to talk a lot before we meet.

Then on the meet we go over again what they like and what are the no go areas.

We have never pushed anyone into playing nor would we ever do anything that we would feel uncomfortable doing.

As we always say each to there own.

If you don't play on the 1st meet then stick to it.

We ourselves(my husband and i) are at the point were we can just look at each other and know it's ok to go ahead or not xxx

Have fun xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We always state it will be a social meet for a drink to see if we get on. Sometimes we all click and its an invite back others its not. The best attitude is to go in with it clear to all there are no promises on play but to keep an open mind.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

The best thing on entering a couples home is to go to the toilet quite quickly, take your clothes off and then come running out naked into their sitting room shouting 'WHOOOOOOO!' motioning to high five them with your junk flying about in their faces.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The best thing on entering a couples home is to go to the toilet quite quickly, take your clothes off and then come running out naked into their sitting room shouting 'WHOOOOOOO!' motioning to high five them with your junk flying about in their faces.

We'd like that

The only problem we've found is occasionally we've spent so long chatting it's become more of a social and then there's that awkward moment of seeing whether to move things on. What has helped has been to get the massage oils out - so far the actual massage has never lasted more than a couple of minutes but helps to break the ice.

Also be careful with red wine!

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

We'd like that

Also be careful with red wine!"

You massage with red wine? Interesting. I will try it tonight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We find jumping on them as soon as we see then, tearing clothes off while singing " here we go again " is a good way to break the ice

To be honest, we do play on the first meet but make it clear via messages that its not essential. To be honest, we feel that you get the right or wrong vibes and go with the flow."

Very much the same with us, chat, laughter, couple of glasses of wine and go for it. It's never let us down or others with this approach.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We'd like that

Also be careful with red wine!

You massage with red wine? Interesting. I will try it tonight.

I find dipping a man's cock in wine and giving it a good suck gets the juices flowing

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By *onnoisseur100Man
over a year ago

Woking-ish

"I have met a few couples, for two of them it was their first MFM threesomes.

Sort out between the two of you your own rules for the night, what you will and what you really WONT do.

Stick to those because if you dont things can go wrong.

Let the other people know what you want, either online on phone before, or when you meet up prior to playing.

and from my experience .. rule number one BE HONEST....

if it dont feel to be working, and there is no 'spark' get out of it politely, and if that dont work...

just get out however you can.

and relax... easy to say and harder to do.

remember you decide what you want to do and dont be pressured into doing something you are not comfortable with..

main thing though is HAVE FUN .... thats what we are all on fab for

Absolutely right!

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By *onnoisseur100Man
over a year ago

Woking-ish

[Removed by poster at 21/09/12 09:12:43]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a new couple we have had very few meets (two with the same coupe as a couple) and are a bit unsure as to what is expected on a first meet.

What is the best way to broach the'so are we going to play' subject without making anyone feel awkward?

Is kissing a given unless explicitly forbiden (that would put us off, we love kissing).

Is it ok to be openly flirtatious with the opposite sex partner?

We would loveto get insightinto these and any other points of etiquette people think are important.

Kaz and Dyl"

We like to meet socially first, that takes away the pressure of potential play on a first meet, but if everyone is feeling it then there is no reason we wont play.

if we are inviting a person/couple over, then we will always let them make the first move, unless we can see they want to but are too shy, which has happened a couple of times, you kinda learn how to read people over time.

if they have made the invite or made the suggestion of the meet, then we are happy to let them know how we feel and that we are happy to play on this or the next meet that way, if they aren't happy to play with you it gives them an option without them being afraid to offend you, they can just say, maybe next time, we just want to keep this social. or something similar.

We are flirty people with people we find attractive, so far, no1 has had a problem with it, i kinda think its a bit to be expected on a meet. but i guess its a case of where does flirting become uncomfortable for the other person.

and in reguards to kissing, nothing is ever a given in swinging, always find out what their do's and do not's are before even thinking about meeting, or if your just doing a social then find out on the meet. that way nobody can make a mistake and offend the other couple.

Other than that, each couple is different, some like dinner, some like drinks and some just wanna get down to it. some wanna meet in public, others in their home, others in your home. swinging for us is about being flexible and accomodating without being pushed beyond our own personal boundaries as a couple, trying new things, meeting new people and having fun/relaxing while doing it!

Best thing to do is to get yourself out there, meet some more of the lovely people on the site/at parties/clubs and find your own way of doing things!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have walked away from lots of meets. We have too much self respect to jump into bed with everyone. Never feel under any obligation to do anything!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a new couple we have had very few meets (two with the same coupe as a couple) and are a bit unsure as to what is expected on a first meet.

What is the best way to broach the'so are we going to play' subject without making anyone feel awkward?

Is kissing a given unless explicitly forbiden (that would put us off, we love kissing).

Is it ok to be openly flirtatious with the opposite sex partner?

We would loveto get insightinto these and any other points of etiquette people think are important.

Kaz and Dyl"

I see in my absence Perky has given you her twopennyworth! So I will try to give you a more serious answer..... some may say boring.....

First and foremost - BE YOURSELVES!!! You meet so many people who are trying to put on an act or play up to the image they think the other couple want to see and they blow it (or rather they don't get to 'blow it'!!)

Also, don't rely on booze to get you to relax - far better to go into the meet with NO expectations. Just treat it as a social and if fun happens, it's a bonus.

But when you have got to a point in the conversation where you KNOW you just want to rip the other couples kit off - then GO FOR IT!!!!

It's a bit like when you were a kid in class and the teacher has just shown something on the board and asks if everyone understood. No one puts their hand up..... BUT... you are all thinking 'wtf was that about???' - well it's the same in a meet - you are ALL wanting to get down to it. SO GET DOWN TO IT.

Perky now is usually the one who takes the lead - she just strips off and no one is under any illusion where things are going.

Also, we usually meet at my place and I have a pair of matching sofas - we always try to sit mixing the couples, so Perky sits on one with the the other guy and I sit with the lady. If you sit in your own couples, bear in mind you are placing an additional barrier to overcome in getting down to sexy fun - so don't put it there in the first place.

Hope this helps - along with everything all the other contribs have said.

Pork

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, for two of them it was their first MFM threesomes.

Sort out between the two of you your own rules for the night, what you will and what you really WONT do.

Stick to those because if you dont things can go wrong.

Let the other people know what you want, either online on phone before, or when you meet up prior to playing.

and from my experience .. rule number one BE HONEST....

if it dont feel to be working, and there is no 'spark' get out of it politely, and if that dont work...

just get out however you can.

and relax... easy to say and harder to do.

remember you decide what you want to do and dont be pressured into doing something you are not comfortable with..

main thing though is HAVE FUN .... thats what we are all on fab for "

100% agree with this one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we always have a social meet first with no expectation for play, sometimes we all decide we do want to go further on the first meet but often not, it gives everyone time to think and decide

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By *A5-1975Man
over a year ago

warrington

We like to meet socially first, that takes away the pressure of potential play on a first meet, but if everyone is feeling it then there is no reason we wont play.

Best thing to do is to get yourself out there, meet some more of the lovely people on the site/at parties/clubs and find your own way of doing things!

Woww you two sound a great couple for someone to meet up with.....shame you're not any closer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/09/12 15:03:57]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Woww you two sound a great couple for someone to meet up with.....shame you're not any closer.

Thanks

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By *restatynCplCouple
over a year ago

Rhyl

We were in the same situation as you.

No bloody idea what to do, how to behave, what to say.

We found the best option was just to play it by ear. If it feels right for all concerned, go for it.

If any one person at the meet has reservations, then no.

Make sure you have 'safe words' in case one of you changes their mind.

Above all, enjoy yourselves.

xxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think you should just go with the flow a swingers club is a good start to get a feel of peoples vibes not much else to do today as its wet in mold

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By *eet_the_spartanMan
over a year ago

Manchester

As half of a couple I can say we prefer to meet the firs time with no expectations and just see where it goes. When the question is asked (we usually wait for them to ask) we already each know what the other is thinking and if we both fancy it then we're good to go. The generals (can we swap, are you bisexual) we expect to know before a meet.

The specifics like kissing and how they like things done to them are just to be discovered during the night. It's much more fun to learn that kind of stuff from body language than discussing everything in great detail beforehand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great thread....have arranged our first meet, excited excited excited!!

Shall try to not instantly pounce on anyone...

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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago

Midlothian

going with the flow is best UNLESS the cpl is very shy + after hours of chatting still no flow:I,fem,than just asked the other fem if I can kiss her......that always starts the juices going + blokes just love it anyhow

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Great thread....have arranged our first meet, excited excited excited!!

Shall try to not instantly pounce on anyone...

Pounce on me... I rather like being pounced on !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Great thread....have arranged our first meet, excited excited excited!!

Shall try to not instantly pounce on anyone...

Pounce on me... I rather like being pounced on !"

There's no pouncy face... Shall flutter eyelashes instead

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