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Multiple relationships - advice please

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By *ornyfunbastard OP   Man
over a year ago

Berwick-upon-Tweed

Ok, not necessarily a swinging question but I'd guess some folk here have been in similar situations. If you have please read on and give me some insight. .

I am getting involved with a female friend of mine who already has a fiance and a boyfriend and is pretty open sexually. I am really openminded about the situation and am going with the flow. I do like her a lot and vice versa. She is open about her relationships with them and me. I have met her fiance a couple of times and whilst he seems ok with her choices he seems slightly uncomfortable about her seeing me.

Now my question is do situations like these work out or should they be avoided. I would add that I don't plan to move in with them - I do like my own space anyway. And I would still consider myself free to have other relationships.

I'd appreciate advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

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By *issCognitoWoman
over a year ago

secret location near glasgow

I personally couldn't do it and I don't think it would work for the majority if people espec in long run without someone getting hurt x

I think seeing numerous people without commitment would maybe be diff bt as soon as u have fiancée bf & lover and start making commitments to people ur asking for trouble

good luck to u and her tho and u have to respect her honesty about things x

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley


"Ok, not necessarily a swinging question but I'd guess some folk here have been in similar situations. If you have please read on and give me some insight. .

I am getting involved with a female friend of mine who already has a fiance and a boyfriend and is pretty open sexually. I am really openminded about the situation and am going with the flow. I do like her a lot and vice versa. She is open about her relationships with them and me. I have met her fiance a couple of times and whilst he seems ok with her choices he seems slightly uncomfortable about her seeing me.

Now my question is do situations like these work out or should they be avoided. I would add that I don't plan to move in with them - I do like my own space anyway. And I would still consider myself free to have other relationships.

I'd appreciate advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. "

She sounds like a fun girl! Invite her to join the site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think that if you have fallen for someone who has a partner or is in an open relationship, then you are opening yourself upto some heartache further down the road. But we can never choose who we end up having feelings for . worse is when you end up liking someone in a relationship, whilst your in one too..

but if you think that person is worth it, then surely its worth a shot, keeping in mind that it might not work. never been in the situation, im ginger so i doubt il even get to be close lol, but go with your gut instinct

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think the danger comes when one of you wants more out of one of the persons concerned.........can sometimes be the buzz of it all in the begining, and maybe could work, but if one got more attached could cause all sorts of problems and heartache for all concerned......... take it slow would be my advice and all be as open as you can. good luck and hope all works out well xxxx

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By *antsanddorsetMan
over a year ago

southampton


"i think the danger comes when one of you wants more out of one of the persons concerned.........can sometimes be the buzz of it all in the begining, and maybe could work, but if one got more attached could cause all sorts of problems and heartache for all concerned......... take it slow would be my advice and all be as open as you can. good luck and hope all works out well xxxx "

tough one.. I was once involved with a married woman (her husband knew) but she also had a bf hubby didnt know about..trouble was she started to develop feelings for the bf, the hubby didnt know and I did.. messy messy messy..

just go carefully and ensure everyone is open with each other.. if any of the other 3? start to be less open then thats the time to back out.. personally i'd never do it again..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, NSA means precisely that, no string attached.

If deeper feelings and emotions are involved, then it is unlikely to work, as the ugly word of "jealousy" will start cropping up!

Don't go there IMHO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

she has a fiance and a boyfriend and you ?

I'm doing somert wrong, i'm off to get engaged and have my cake and eat it

and eat some more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

soz but it wont work horny

a fiance an a bf..someone will

get hurt an if u ask me the fiance

got a screw missing letting her

do as she please's best 2 avoid

if u can but no 1 can tell u

wat 2 do..do as u see is best

4 u as long as u dont get hurted

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By *ornyfunbastard OP   Man
over a year ago

Berwick-upon-Tweed

Thanks to everyone who commented so far. Yes, its a bit of an unusual situation. lol. I am still having fun elsewhere too. I really do appreciate my friend's honesty. Probably more so as I could quite happily live in the same situation to her. ie having a fiance, girlfriend and lover as well as nsa fun.

Most folk seem to think that it is going to be messy. I don't know. I am certainly taking it slowly and see how it goes without any expectations.

If it continues (& it would probably be up to me to stop it) it will likely be a no strings attached relationship as we both value our freedom.

More advice please .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have an open relationship and since we have been swinging we have had 2 long term relationships with women the first one lived with us for nearly a year the second lived with her boyfriend and that lasted for 2 years unfortunately both ended badly and we are not even friends any more. The problem is, is over time bonds form and you end up trying to please too many people 3 into 1 just don't go lol

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

The Americans call this "polyamoury" - we know a couple where one of them forms a couple with someone else as well. She lives with both lovers in turn, but all 3 never get together. Seems to work for them, they all know about the situation and are all happy about things.

It's just an extension of swinging, really. Most people on this site enjoy sex with others as well as their partner, this just takes things a bit further.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/10/09 14:54:03]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sod that for a game of soldiers, basically!

Either the engagement is a complete sham or the fiance is going to get more and more unsettled. This will probably end up with someone getting a ride in an ambulance and the other in a Police car if you ask me.

I think that you already know this is a bad idea or else you wouldn't have been motivated to start a thread and ask the question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sounds well dodgy to me!! why isnt one satisfyin why need another 2?? someone goin to get hurt we only human everyone has feelings whether u want them or not!!

is everyone using condoms or is it goin to possibly end up raffle for whos a babies dad or who gave who got a dose?? i know these situations can work out but i would be wary and wondering why she needs 3 narcissitic personality or somethin else??

either way i hope you find your answer and wish u well xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The Americans call this "polyamoury" - we know a couple where one of them forms a couple with someone else as well. She lives with both lovers in turn, but all 3 never get together. Seems to work for them, they all know about the situation and are all happy about things.

It's just an extension of swinging, really. Most people on this site enjoy sex with others as well as their partner, this just takes things a bit further."

I am very much into the philosophy of polyamourous relationship..or poly relationships....the bedrock of these can only be openess..honesty...and a shared committment to a poly lifestye..xxx It often works when peeps are bi and have a partner of each gender...This worked for me for a couple of years..I lived with a man and a woman in a relationship..a triad...we all had deep feelings for each other and completely committed to each other...xx

This sounds like your lady friend is not happy with the other men in her life...or as choc would put it.."they are not laying the pipe right"...she maybe afraid of committing to any one man..and doesn't want to put all of her eggs in one basket....who Knows..???

Like peeps have said there is a risk of getting hurt in this "mess"...and thats what it sounds like to me...a mess waiting to happen...but hey you are an adult...you may be nsa about it but the other guys may not be as cool.....hope we dont see all of you on a future Jeremy Kyle show...

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By *ornyfunbastard OP   Man
over a year ago

Berwick-upon-Tweed

I started the thread as this was something outside my current experience and wanted some advice . Although open to the possibilities I wanted to know if my concerns were well founded or based on some beliefs I had outgrown.

As far as I know everyone knew what they were getting into in the relationship beforehand. However listening to everyone here it seem to me that I need to ask some more questions about current relationships and how they all work together. I might also be reading to much into things too.

I am likely to get some honest answers so it might be easier to decide after a good long talk with my friend.

So far I have enjoyed the experience of first thinking I am openminded and realising that indeed I am openminded. Quite a relevation in itself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a look at the Kyle and Trisha shows on daytime TV, that should give you a good feel for what you are involved in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think there's a big difference in being open minded, and being a complete mug

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By *ibertinesCouple
over a year ago

Cupar

Sigh. Where is GrannyCrumpet with her Poirot esque summing up of the thread and miraculously clear headed conclusion?

Having more than one significant person in your life allows you to fulfill all your needs without demanding much or asking anyone to change who they are.

How often do you hear about guys getting henpecked into being someone they arent? This is just one reason.

"Narcissism" indeed. Tsk tsk. I see your "narcissism" with "ignorance" and raise you "judgemental" and "prejudiced."

Right. Thats me for this thread. Will be reading but not posting. I'm gonna get myself banned otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll see your ignorance and prejudice and raise with realism

I believe there are only 3 possible outcomes with the scenario the OP suggests

1. All parties concerned act in a mature undemanding manner which ensures a happy and maintained status quo allowing all to enjoy free, happy NSA fun.

2. The OP simply see's this situation as one where he gets to empty his sack regularly with no commitment and no harm done.

3. Someone within the group develops feelings that are not compatible with 1 or 2 and the pack of cards comes tumbling down.

The clues are there in the OP's first post. He is already a friend of the lady in question and her fiancée is aware of him but less than happy with that situation.

Sorry but the realist in me see's recipe for disaster as opposed to all lived happily ever after with this tale

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By *edorrCouple
over a year ago

woolwich

Our oldest play friends for 10 years are a married man and his mistress. We value their friendship and our pleasure. We value our relationship as a couple and always play together and trust each other but we cannot police others or expect them to behave the way we do. Be honest with yourself and your partners but don't judge them.

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By *igerAngelCouple
over a year ago

southend

We all live together. I, rent a room in the Tigers house. We met through a swinging site, and became really close friends.

We still have sex with each other. Sometimes Mr Tiger and I, sometimes Mrs Tiger and I, sometimes all 3 of us together. Most of the time just Mr and Mrs Tiger (with me in my room listening and wanking ) We also play separately.

Some would describe this as a poly relationship. A lot of people just think its weird.

It works for us because sex isn't a defining feature in our friendship. We are all honest with each other. And make no demands on each other. I fully respect that their marriage will come before any needs of mine, sexual or otherwise.

We all understand that at any point, any one of us can turn round and say the sex stops now, and that will be respected. But our friendship will remain un-changed.

It can work, you all just have to understand boundaries, and respect. Most of all your own.

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