FabSwingers.com forum: Why are we so unsuccessful?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We recently rewrote our profile because it had turned into a bit of an essay, and we have updated our photos, of which we will add more later.

We have never been successful on this site and we have been members for months now. Almost a year and only social meets and one sexy meet.

We feel a little disheartened. We spend a lot of time responding to people who interest us and have taken the time to read our profile, but it never goes any further. Are they just all time wasters or are we doing something wrong?

I know you all get a lot of threads like this and I am sorry to bug you with this, but we really want this to work out.

Also, our profile is currently missing a profile picture since yesterday and we will add one tonight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No idea wots wrong your wife is sexy as fuck .. And even tho a aint into guys ad say your ok to lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi!!!

Well - and this is just my opinion - so feel free to disregard!!!

Text? Comes across a little negative - you can always discuss do's and dont's after an initial message - and filters will prevent those outside your preferences getting in touch!

Pics? Good to see faces - I'm as guilty as many in hiding mine - but I try to be creative and have a variety - and have helped some others revamp their pic albums with positive results so happy to throw my 2p's worth in if you need a little advice!

Also - saying you aren't looking for single guys but having veri's from them - it's your choice entirely but can co fuse and be seen as a mixed message!

You mention the club - if you're regulars - there's many on fab that frequent that club regularly. Try browsing the meets pages or posting one yourself and see how that goes!!

Good luck - and have fun - and keep positive, you'll find some fun i'm sure!!

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Can't see anything wrong with your profile, tbh. You have some fantastic clear pictures, a well-written profile and outline clearly what you're are and aren't looking for without sounding negative or "up yourselves". Obviously you can't accommodate which will put some people off, but I know there is a valid reason, and you don't meet smokers, but that's a preference and not something that needs to change.

We have also been struggling to meet a couple but we know it takes time and patience as not everybody will be attracted to us. You're obviously active as you go to clubs and socialize quite a bit, so all I can really say is keep your chin up and keep at it. Something will happen eventually.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi guys. I can'tsee anything wrong with ur profile either! If u lived up north we would definitely check u out. The only issue we would have is ur a little young for us but otherwise ur an attractive couple. Maybe hang out here on the forums little and get ur profile noticed. You can pick up good tips and advice too. Good luck guys

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

As obiguy4couples said, keep your eye on the meets and events section! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, maybe have a sexy night in and take some sexy pics put a couple on public but use them as a tease, kind of the best is yet to come kinda thing. We got a lot of attention when we started through taking pics that stood out like the gym ball one we have public. Have fun with it and it could make u stand out.

A xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't understand how youve not been inindated with offers so is it just because you are too picky?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nice profile, cant see much wrong with it at all...but uve limited ur age group for meets(fair enough its a preference),but one that hinders. whats the difference between 5 more years to ur 35yrold capping?-plenty of suitable cpls out there fall within the category as hot 40's at least.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Age limit very small but then you met someone 45.. Im not able to pm you so either you have women blocked or just ladies my age. maybe you should widen your profile a little. . just a thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't speak for everyone but if you were nearer we would or I would x

Good luck guys, your misses is damn fine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your profile doesn't actually say much does it? Take out the preferences and pretty much all anyone knows about you from your profile is that you go to Abfabs. And the list of preferences could be viewed in a negative way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just read your profile you both look sexy so I find it hard to understand why ? ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would happily meet with you guys but as a single guy who smokes I have no chance. But can't see a reason why couples wouldn't want to meet you.

Just persevere and all should be ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One observation is that you state 'not looking for single guys' yet 75% of your verifications consist of single men which may seem contradictory to some!

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By *nfieldishCouple
over a year ago

Enfield

And we're too old....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for all your help and we have made quite a bit of change to our profile.

However yes, we do not meet single guys for play meets, that does not mean to say that we do not meet for coffee or a social. our other fab couple cancelled their account and we lost their verification.

Surely when it comes to it, people would be more put off if our profile had no pics and no verifications. Surely a verification from a single guy to say that we are real and genuine is better then nothing.

Do you guys really think that it is going to put couples off?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all your help and we have made quite a bit of change to our profile.

Do you guys really think that it is going to put couples off?

it really shouldnt, but then again...the interested parties could be a bi-fem...whos going to be worried the bi-fem Mrs isnt really bi-fem(more just a hubby pleaser)-I know a few who wouldnt select with a woman who didnt appear to have proper bi-fem play experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your profile doesn't actually say much does it? Take out the preferences and pretty much all anyone knows about you from your profile is that you go to Abfabs. And the list of preferences could be viewed in a negative way."

Got agree with Crystal Wheels on this one. I read your profile a few times and couldn't work out why it didn't have the 'Stiffy Factor' for me. It says a lot, but really says nothing other than (as said above) that you go to Adfabs.

Also, you 'mention' you have kinks etc. You NEED to outline what these are - a couple like Perky and me would be a but wary contacting you as we don't know from your profile what we are 'in for'...

Also, great photo of the wife - but you need to get yours reshot (sorry

)OR have some taken by someone you trust of you together.

And the other contributor who said your age range is restricted is also right - we're outside it!!!!!! Damn!!!!!

Are you not getting responses to your intro messages, or are you not getting anyone sending you any?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all your help and we have made quite a bit of change to our profile.

Do you guys really think that it is going to put couples off?

It wouldn't put us off. And anyone it did put off probably aren;t worth bothering with. Most people realise that selecting not looking for singleman is often about stopping message rather than a blanket ban on them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all your help and we have made quite a bit of change to our profile.

Do you guys really think that it is going to put couples off?

OP, all but one of your veris is for a meet in person but NOT a play-meet. They are all the 'we had a drink and hope to meet again type'. That starts to ring alarm bells with us. You may do better hiding your veris - at least you will stay 'Verified Genuine Profile' and if anyone is searching on browse with 'at least one meeting in person' you will still come up in the search.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, you 'mention' you have kinks etc. You NEED to outline what these are - a couple like Perky and me would be a but wary contacting you as we don't know from your profile what we are 'in for'..."

It would put us off for the opposite reason. Too vague - so is it something we're interested in or is it some 50 shades wannabee?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We do Abfabs too xxx

Off to a party this weekend.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks again for all your input. We're trying to update our profile accordingly. What would you like to see from a young couples profile. What would you want to know about a couple you were interested in meeting? We have given some of things we like to do with our time.

By the same token we are interested in kink and would appreciate not being belittled by being compared to fifty shades. I understand the cynacism of it all. But young people constantly being compared to fifty shades when they are finding their way in the kink/fetish scene when everyone has spoken about how awful is the book is, isn't very fair. Our kinks have nothing to do with fifty shades, we were into them before fifty shades came out. I am fed up of seeing all the old sweats and people heavily into the scene belittling the new comers by saying that we are all wannabes. We ALL started somewhere and we would appreciate support and uderstanding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well we think we can see the problem. If you send your wife up to us , we are willing to discuss your profile short falls over a drink with her. What do you think?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ohhh What is the problem? Do tell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We can only divulge to your mrs face to face !!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This is the missus! Hehe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks again for all your input. We're trying to update our profile accordingly. What would you like to see from a young couples profile. What would you want to know about a couple you were interested in meeting? We have given some of things we like to do with our time.

I can assure you NO ONE is trying to belittle you. You have had the guts to put your head above the parapet and ask the forum for help and that is to be applauded. Everyone has their own way of trying to put over their points about what THEY have spotted in your profile, in their own way, which may or may not be to your liking. Certainly there are those who will make flippent, spurious comments and you can choose to either take them on at their own game (which can be fun sometimes

) or ignore them. My advice would be the latter tbh.

We stated OUR view of your mention of 'kink' from OUR perspective. Another contributor followed with a comment in the other direction about the same thing from THEIR perspective. If they chose to use the comparison to '50 Shades', then that is just how they are trying to put their point over - NOT to belittle you in any way.

There are LOADS of contributors to these forums who are only to happy to help someone who wants that help, but it is offered on the understanding that it can only be in written form (unless you contact the user directly and exchange phone numbers) and will therefore include that users personality and viewpoint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would definitely take the last bit out, re your kinks, as you say on your profile, it is something just for you two, no point having it on your profile.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

The second paragraph is redundant - it's not about swinging fun so is just more words and some will give up half way through.

You have stated what you don't want but not what you do. Femme describes herself ad bi-curious, has she had experience, is she/the two of you looking for more?

You mention swapping with another couple, what about moresomes?

These are just examples and something to ponder on.

As for your pictures; well done for having clear face pics that show body shape too. But taking them in a bathroom is not ideal - though I understand that you share your home so it can be tricky. Consider some outdoor shots (if we ever get a nice day again). Or some bedroom ones. They don't have to be naughty or scantily clad. Having a variety (including torso and bum shots) means you have some for private too - I won't friend people who don't have friends only pics.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As others have posted, I'd be more than interested in meeting with you both but unfortunatly I'm a single male so I'm gutted that I cannot get in touch or stand a chance, but your choices are there to be respected. I'm straight but playing in with a couple even where there is no m on m or bi action can be great fun. And I'm sure the mrs would enjoy it

she's certainly gorgeous enough and I'm judging by the pictures also a bit firey in bed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is the missus! Hehe.

So what are you waiting for!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We will edit the part about our kinks out. T didn't mean to get so riled up by it, but she is just frustrated. We have been trying to improve on our kinky side, but we are fed up of everyone just assuming it's some 50 Shades bullshit.

It even happens on Fetlife. So we get frustrated and put off.

We will keep the verifications from the single men. Whilst we don't meet singles, we feel it is more important to have verifications (even if irrelevant) than to have none. At least they are polite and paint us in a good light.

With regards to her bi-side. She has one for sure, but she is still just completely curious. As you have made out by this thread, we are completely inexperienced. What would be a good way to write about her being interested in trying things out without making it sound stupid? Any advice?

Again, thanks to everyone in here and apologies if this thread got a little derailed. We've made some good changes and would like it to be perfect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Saying you won't meet single men but having veris from them wouldn't put me off. Perhaps you used to but have decided not to in future. Maybe you tried it and it didn't work for you.

Then again, as a large, single woman, I'm not part of your "target market" so perhaps my view is irrelevant.

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By *lubPartyPeepsCouple
over a year ago

London

Your profile seems pretty typical to us (And by that we don't mean bad) you've stated your preferences, and that's totally fine.

If your regulars at Adfabs, we think every time we have gone there we have ended up with two or three verifications, so perhaps next time your there, make a very active social effort to talk to people, then you'll get some more verifications which is a start. You could also pop into chat from time to time, and become more active in the forums, which can draw people to you (Not always the people you want, but it is just a forum)

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As others have posted, I'd be more than interested in meeting with you both but unfortunatly I'm a single male so I'm gutted that I cannot get in touch or stand a chance, but your choices are there to be respected. I'm straight but playing in with a couple even where there is no m on m or bi action can be great fun. And I'm sure the mrs would enjoy it

she's certainly gorgeous enough and I'm judging by the pictures also a bit firey in bed

going by the male verifies..I think theyve had enough single men.Wondering where the bi-part came into it...I dont see any mention in that anywhere, with the exception of Mrs bodycon....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You both look OK, I don't know what is wrong with people x

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I think your profile is lovely and if I were of a different age I would consider meeting you guys. xx

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By *lackCherryCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Young couples on fab are quite often fake or only looking for a specific look or even worse "a woman to join them" see the above posting about sending your mrs up (even lighthearted it exposes an underlying attitude in the swinging world.)

You have to accept with a small age range and a limited section of the site you're looking to meet then you wont meet very often, but then again its the quality not the quantity.

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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago

sheffield

I can't help. You not looking for single male. But nice profile. All the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't read the profile, so I am making this a somewhat candid response.

In my opinion, of the two of you, the female is much nicer looking than the male.

As you don't meet single guys, you have to take a couples perspective into account and in particular the female of any couple you may wish to meet.

I guess what I am saying is you will find more males interested in the fem than you will females interested in the male (based on the pics posted).

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I haven't read the profile, so I am making this a somewhat candid response.

In my opinion, of the two of you, the female is much nicer looking than the male.

As you don't meet single guys, you have to take a couples perspective into account and in particular the female of any couple you may wish to meet.

I guess what I am saying is you will find more males interested in the fem than you will females interested in the male (based on the pics posted)."

Could you please read the profile before offering your opinion?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

shame you cant accommodate

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Then again, as a large, single woman, I'm not part of your "target market" so perhaps my view is irrelevant."

Not at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Young couples on fab are quite often fake or only looking for a specific look or even worse "a woman to join them" see the above posting about sending your mrs up (even lighthearted it exposes an underlying attitude in the swinging world.)

You have to accept with a small age range and a limited section of the site you're looking to meet then you wont meet very often, but then again its the quality not the quantity.

Do you really feel that's the case? 20-40yr old couples? I hate to disagree, and thank you for reading and helping, but surely that covers quite a large portion of the community? At least from what we've seen.

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran

"I haven't read the profile, so I am making this a somewhat candid response.

In my opinion, of the two of you, the female is much nicer looking than the male.

As you don't meet single guys, you have to take a couples perspective into account and in particular the female of any couple you may wish to meet.

I guess what I am saying is you will find more males interested in the fem than you will females interested in the male (based on the pics posted).

Could you please read the profile before offering your opinion?"

I think he can have that opinion without reading your profile and it is valid - with couple there has to be by default more attraction than if you are looking for a single person and that works both ways

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By *uitar_antiheroMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

This won't be helpful to the OP & has been said but I really like your profile. Comes across as friendly. You look like a couple I would be able to hang with & share some laughs & she is definitely someone I'd want to play with!!

I guess its just down to couples not fancying both of you maybe. I'd not have a seconds thought about agreeing to meet.

It's a shame you're struggling. Try visiting Scotland. Some lovely couples up here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for all of the lovely things said about our profile.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I haven't read the profile, so I am making this a somewhat candid response.

In my opinion, of the two of you, the female is much nicer looking than the male.

As you don't meet single guys, you have to take a couples perspective into account and in particular the female of any couple you may wish to meet.

I guess what I am saying is you will find more males interested in the fem than you will females interested in the male (based on the pics posted).

Could you please read the profile before offering your opinion?

If it's true that I'm not good looking enough for here, then I suppose we're just boned and no amount of profile changes can fix that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I haven't read the profile, so I am making this a somewhat candid response.

In my opinion, of the two of you, the female is much nicer looking than the male.

As you don't meet single guys, you have to take a couples perspective into account and in particular the female of any couple you may wish to meet.

I guess what I am saying is you will find more males interested in the fem than you will females interested in the male (based on the pics posted).

Could you please read the profile before offering your opinion?"

It seems OK as a profile but doesn't really stand out.

You seem like a nice couple tho.

Just re-read my initial post and have decided it came across as a bit shitty.

So apologies for that.

Maybe what I should have said is try and have some fun with the pics and make the ones of the male a bit less 'staged' (it's a bit of a strange stance he's in).

I should by the way congratulate you on having pics of the male in the first place as this is something that many couples profiles don't.

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By *abloBackMan
over a year ago

London

I fabbed a pic but to be honest I found your profile as interesting as a phone directory and almost as long. Your profile is an advert for yourselves and it comes across to me as boring

You probably won't like my profile but it works for what I am after.

If you here for fun then make it fun for the people you want to attract

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran

"I haven't read the profile, so I am making this a somewhat candid response.

In my opinion, of the two of you, the female is much nicer looking than the male.

As you don't meet single guys, you have to take a couples perspective into account and in particular the female of any couple you may wish to meet.

I guess what I am saying is you will find more males interested in the fem than you will females interested in the male (based on the pics posted).

Could you please read the profile before offering your opinion?

If it's true that I'm not good looking enough for here, then I suppose we're just boned and no amount of profile changes can fix that.

G."

No one is saying that you are not good looking enough - but many couples have told me that it is difficult to find another couple that they are both attracted to - so when you look at the pool of people you are targeting you have to appreciate all the factors which reduce the number who may wish to meet you - but there will be people who want to meet you so you will get there in the end

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cant see a problem, you seem like a lovely couple, we'd meet you for a social and see where it goes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

) or ignore them. My advice would be the latter tbh.

Well at least someone got the point we were making... OP, the point I was making that that fleeting reference to kinks says so little yet manages to put people off from both sides - concerned you are to extreme or not extreme enough. It comes back to the point that I and others have made about needing to expand on your profile.

Though personally I can't help but suspect that this undeniably petulant response speaks volumes about your attitude and the true reason you are struggling. I am not sure who the old sweats comment was aimed at but it smacks of an elitist attitude that your current predicament doesn't really justify. You asked for help, i'd suggest ignoring the sycophantic singlemales, despite what they say this thread wouldn't exist if your profile was great. As already said this sort of thread is often not a fun exercise, opening yourself to criticism never will but you could probably employ a better tactic than get defensive towards those who are getting the success you are looking for.

2Wheels

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

2 wheels,

we already apologized for what I said earlier. So if you wish to carry that arguement on please do so in private, this isn't the place for it in a public forum. I over-reacted, but that doesn't warrant thinly veiled insults from yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meoooooowwwwww.....lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The best place to meet and certainly the qiuckest is to go to a club....once you get over the nerves of going,you will deffo find a nice couple to play with and if not then just enjoy each others company whilst u watch overs shag .hehe....Abfabs is great!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The best place to meet and certainly the qiuckest is to go to a club....once you get over the nerves of going,you will deffo find a nice couple to play with and if not then just enjoy each others company whilst u watch overs shag .hehe....Abfabs is great!!!!

"
Shit,just read your verifications!!,,,you already do the club thing.

Well,im out of ideas!!!! Lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/08/12 18:51:05]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Shit,just read your verifications!!,,,you already do the club thing.

Well,im out of ideas!!!! Lol

Thanks guys. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well it wont help but ure not on ure own we probably met around 5 couples of here in 2 years its so hard finding genuine couples 2 meet most just want to cam or talk about swinging

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"well it wont help but ure not on ure own we probably met around 5 couples of here in 2 years its so hard finding genuine couples 2 meet most just want to cam or talk about swinging"

Randycpl49, sounds like what we've experienced.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

I am from harrow as well, I don't see anything wrong with profile, in fact quiet liked.

For me I would be put off by mailing because you don't meet single guys, again that is not to say I wouldn't but in terms of why I would choose to mail, it would stop me.

Keep seaching, your a nice looking couple and you may find something I happy to meet socially if your ever free in harrow

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks very much Mike, that's very nice of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know? Maybe its because youre a Londoner......la la laaa laaaa llaaa la

Cant work out any other reason other than that - Oh and maybe the way you choose who youlll meet or your writing style in replying but flummoxed as to why 1 meet.

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By *he Original TTMan
over a year ago

Brackley, Northants

Well, as I was formerly part of a swinging couple, I am writing this from that perspective, not as that of a single male.

Your pics - great, if a little too posed - relax, get naked and take photos then!

Your profile - talking about holidays and walks... yawn. This isn't Facebook, it's not relevant, and made me think you were in your 50's. Surprised when I saw your ages!!

Your attitude - sucks! TH reactions you have given to some of the comments you consider to be negative and personal, are, quite frankly childish, and I have a mental image of you stamping your feet while writing...

Grow up a bit, get to clubs (and actually fuck someone there) and you will do ok.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well, as I was formerly part of a swinging couple, I am writing this from that perspective, not as that of a single male.

Your pics - great, if a little too posed - relax, get naked and take photos then!

Your profile - talking about holidays and walks... yawn. This isn't Facebook, it's not relevant, and made me think you were in your 50's. Surprised when I saw your ages!!

Grow up a bit, get to clubs (and actually fuck someone there) and you will do ok.

Is this still necessary? We have apologised. Can we just not drop it now?

This is uncalled for. One statement, not directed at you, since apologised for, doesn't allow you to start saying grow up etc.

We've asked for advice. And all the advice is appreciated. Can we now just drop all the aggro?

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By *he Original TTMan
over a year ago

Brackley, Northants

"Well, as I was formerly part of a swinging couple, I am writing this from that perspective, not as that of a single male.

Your pics - great, if a little too posed - relax, get naked and take photos then!

Your profile - talking about holidays and walks... yawn. This isn't Facebook, it's not relevant, and made me think you were in your 50's. Surprised when I saw your ages!!

Grow up a bit, get to clubs (and actually fuck someone there) and you will do ok.

Is this still necessary? We have apologised. Can we just not drop it now?

This is uncalled for. One statement, not directed at you, since apologised for, doesn't allow you to start saying grow up etc.

We've asked for advice. And all the advice is appreciated. Can we now just drop all the aggro?"

Actually, it wasn't just one comment. It was several comments. Remember, some of us have been doing this a lot longer than you and are trying to offer you constructive advice - it's for your benefit not ours! We don't get anything out of trying to help you get laid!!!

My comment, and your response to it, is I think the root of your problem. You need to accept that, or you won't be able to move forward.

I am not giving you aggro, but providing you with the advice THAT YOU ASKED FOR!

So please, for heaven's sake, don't now start having a go at me for doing as you asked... Thanks.