FabSwingers.com forum: Advice

By *icola2202 OP Couple
over a year ago

Chatham

Hi all

We have been actively looking for around 4 years

A friend told us this would be the best place for us but we get 1 or 2 messages a month, under 5 views daily

Would love some advice/help if possible

Thank you for reading

Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your profile looks okay to me.

Maybe not many women want to be a 3rd wheel or something down them lines.

You ever been interested in seeing guys? Might get more attention from that, but not always the right attention.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I have seen your profile around here for a while and am surprised you have not had better luck.

The messages you get, are they from women?

If so how do they tend to go? Do they die off or stop replying?

Your photos are good. You have a duplicate though.

You are looking for single women, which most people on here are.

Your description of being bi curious and inexperienced may put some people off as they may feel it is about putting on a show for the male half. What is your USP? What do you have as a couple to offer a woman that others cannot?

Have you tried creating a single female profile looking to meet single women to build up that experience?

The other option is to get out to socials or clubs when they start again.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Maybe have a look if there's any profiles that interest you and send the first message, if you send a few, maybe you will get a conversation going and a situation that works out well for you.

Apart from that clubs and socials are fabulous ways of meeting people, whether you want to go along to socialise currently, or take things further when they are open for intimacy, they are fabulous for getting to know other like-minded people.

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By *icola2202 OP Couple
over a year ago

Chatham

"I have seen your profile around here for a while and am surprised you have not had better luck.

The messages you get, are they from women?

If so how do they tend to go? Do they die off or stop replying?

Your photos are good. You have a duplicate though.

You are looking for single women, which most people on here are.

Have you tried creating a single female profile looking to meet single women to build up that experience?

The other option is to get out to socials or clubs when they start again."
it was my idea he knew I was bi curious he said to go and explore but I want to do it with him

Messages are mainly from couples as we allow couples to message as we like to chat

Few women message but it fizzles out

Noticing mainly people want dirty talk or pictures but not really want to meet

Thank you for your input x

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

Your profile doesn't really state what you are looking for other than a women

So is it girl on girl play only, do you expect OH to be present/watch/get involved, would I be able to play with him also or is he off limits etc.

If he was to be involved he needs to add more photos to entice us in

Obviously you may explain all this in any messsges you send & include more photos but as a single woman if I was looking for a couple I probably wouldn't message you guys first as I have no clue what you are actually looking for & I wouldn't want to be there purely to put on a show for the male half

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By *icola2202 OP Couple
over a year ago

Chatham

"Your profile doesn't really state what you are looking for other than a women

So is it girl on girl play only, do you expect OH to be present/watch/get involved, would I be able to play with him also or is he off limits etc.

If he was to be involved he needs to add more photos to entice us in

"
I would like to give and receive (girl on girl) then would like to get MR involved. Would like to start by “playing” and he can play too but go slow as I need to make sure I’m comfortable with another person touching him. Sure I’ll be fine but it’s just in case x

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

"Your profile doesn't really state what you are looking for other than a women

So is it girl on girl play only, do you expect OH to be present/watch/get involved, would I be able to play with him also or is he off limits etc.

If he was to be involved he needs to add more photos to entice us in

I would like to give and receive (girl on girl) then would like to get MR involved. Would like to start by “playing” and he can play too but go slow as I need to make sure I’m comfortable with another person touching him. Sure I’ll be fine but it’s just in case x "

Unfortunately I don't think many people will be up for that, I'd feel like a guinea pig

I know you've said in response to another comment you want him with you but I think that will be putting women off & you'd have more success meeting alone and building your confidence that way

Or look for couples with a bi female where you can ageee from the start that they guys are only watching in the first meet

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Just a question, who wrote the profile?

Go to a club, it’s so easy to read the dynamics.

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By *icola2202 OP Couple
over a year ago

Chatham

"Your profile doesn't really state what you are looking for other than a women

So is it girl on girl play only, do you expect OH to be present/watch/get involved, would I be able to play with him also or is he off limits etc.

If he was to be involved he needs to add more photos to entice us in

Unfortunately I don't think many people will be up for that, I'd feel like a guinea pig

I know you've said in response to another comment you want him with you but I think that will be putting women off & you'd have more success meeting alone and building your confidence that way

Or look for couples with a bi female where you can ageee from the start that they guys are only watching in the first meet "
I understand the feeling of being a guinea pig but I have to start somewhere.

I really don’t want to do it without him and don’t want another man watching me. Thank you for your advice x

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

"Your profile doesn't really state what you are looking for other than a women

So is it girl on girl play only, do you expect OH to be present/watch/get involved, would I be able to play with him also or is he off limits etc.

If he was to be involved he needs to add more photos to entice us in

Unfortunately I don't think many people will be up for that, I'd feel like a guinea pig

I know you've said in response to another comment you want him with you but I think that will be putting women off & you'd have more success meeting alone and building your confidence that way

Or look for couples with a bi female where you can ageee from the start that they guys are only watching in the first meet I understand the feeling of being a guinea pig but I have to start somewhere.

I really don’t want to do it without him and don’t want another man watching me. Thank you for your advice x "

I've just noticed where you are, there are quite a few clubs locally, Eurekas, Pleasures, ME1, Silverleighs, there's more if you don't mind travelling about an hour (the last ones a naturist spa but you get a friendly crowd so it eases you in gently to that kind of enviroment & most host Bi nights maybe try one of those, they usually have private rooms you can go off to should you meet someone nice x

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

"Your profile doesn't really state what you are looking for other than a women

So is it girl on girl play only, do you expect OH to be present/watch/get involved, would I be able to play with him also or is he off limits etc.

If he was to be involved he needs to add more photos to entice us in

Unfortunately I don't think many people will be up for that, I'd feel like a guinea pig

I know you've said in response to another comment you want him with you but I think that will be putting women off & you'd have more success meeting alone and building your confidence that way

I really don’t want to do it without him and don’t want another man watching me. Thank you for your advice x "

So your pool here is single women only.

Love or loathe the term but there is a reason single bi women on the scene get called unicorns.

Weve been at this for 23 years, wife is completely bi, we do the clubs and socials (or started till covid ruined everything) and it's not a common thing for us. My wife even wants to meet women on her own and proving hard to do.

Fact is, for lack of a better metaphor, you're fishing in a very big pond for the rarest of fish that you can only catch with the right, bait, the right rod, at the right spot and at the right time.

Fab tends to be the worst rod and worst bait in our experiance.

Your best bet is to attend a club or do a social event where single bi women are (a lot wont meet outside of clubs) and even then it's not guaranteed. You can head off somewhere private if you wish. You dont have to play in the middle of a crowd.

That's your only option. Unless you compromise on the couples thing or just hope fab eventually works (and it might..who knows) it's going to be a hard slog.

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By *icola2202 OP Couple
over a year ago

Chatham

"Your profile doesn't really state what you are looking for other than a women

So is it girl on girl play only, do you expect OH to be present/watch/get involved, would I be able to play with him also or is he off limits etc.

If he was to be involved he needs to add more photos to entice us in

Unfortunately I don't think many people will be up for that, I'd feel like a guinea pig

I know you've said in response to another comment you want him with you but I think that will be putting women off & you'd have more success meeting alone and building your confidence that way

I really don’t want to do it without him and don’t want another man watching me. Thank you for your advice x

If you have maybe you could message so we can’t talk more about them x

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By *eviant_domMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

As people have already said, from a reader approaching your profile,

You need to be more explicit about what you would want from a single woman, and as they have said if your other half is just watching or equally involved.

My partner is bi, and she isn't inclined to be someones first, as there is a lot of pressure and she would be doing a lot of the guiding (some women are put off by that).

State what you think about, and what you'd like to try with a woman.

As for your other half, if he is just there hand holding, that can feel like the woman is putting on a show.

I think you need to have a conversation together about the point you made around not being comfortable about him being touched (yet) by another woman, as those boundaries should be set (discuss why you're not comfortable with that ).

Hope this helps a bit more

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By *icola2202 OP Couple
over a year ago

Chatham

"As people have already said, from a reader approaching your profile,

You need to be more explicit about what you would want from a single woman, and as they have said if your other half is just watching or equally involved.

My partner is bi, and she isn't inclined to be someones first, as there is a lot of pressure and she would be doing a lot of the guiding (some women are put off by that).

State what you think about, and what you'd like to try with a woman.

As for your other half, if he is just there hand holding, that can feel like the woman is putting on a show.

Hope this helps a bit more"
how do I know if I would be comfortable with it if I’ve never seen another woman touching him

I’m sure I’ll be fine neither of us are the jealous type x

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By *iscretefuncoupleCouple
over a year ago

Blackheath

"Your profile doesn't really state what you are looking for other than a women

So is it girl on girl play only, do you expect OH to be present/watch/get involved, would I be able to play with him also or is he off limits etc.

If he was to be involved he needs to add more photos to entice us in

Unfortunately I don't think many people will be up for that, I'd feel like a guinea pig

I know you've said in response to another comment you want him with you but I think that will be putting women off & you'd have more success meeting alone and building your confidence that way

I really don’t want to do it without him and don’t want another man watching me. Thank you for your advice x

So your pool here is single women only.

Love or loathe the term but there is a reason single bi women on the scene get called unicorns.

Fact is, for lack of a better metaphor, you're fishing in a very big pond for the rarest of fish that you can only catch with the right, bait, the right rod, at the right spot and at the right time.

Fab tends to be the worst rod and worst bait in our experiance.

That's your only option. Unless you compromise on the couples thing or just hope fab eventually works (and it might..who knows) it's going to be a hard slog.

Everything these people said !

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Some women will find the fact you are both smokers offputting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some women will find the fact you are both smokers offputting. "

Yes. You both seem lovely, but I don't meet smokers as I'm really sensitive to it. I'd love to explore my bi side with a fellow novice.

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By *iscretefuncoupleCouple
over a year ago

Blackheath

Got to remember that this all should be good fun and pleasurable for everyone involved ! Your looking for someone to play with for a few hours, to enjoy carnal pleasure with ! Swinging required trust in each other ! Trust that they are whom they say they are, trust that their clean and healthy, trust that they are discreet!

The person / people you first meet may be a one night thing or become lifelong friends.

Personally I would look for a couple who have similar interests. Perhaps the guys go for a drink while the ladies play, or the boys stay and watch, whatever your all comfortable with !

Don’t over plan or over think it !

It’s a bit like skydiving, the first time out of the door is always the hardest !

So it’s time, down a stiff drink, take a big breath and go for it ! But be realistic

Hopefully happy times ahead !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

looking and playing with bi women use to be the easiest thing to do on the swinging scene 20 years ago fast forward to today and its the hardest and i understand why single bi women do want to be a toy anymore they want to be a equal ..

now if this is one thing you really want then is maybe as simple as not having your partener in the same room and tell him later after the meet.

ive alway found that if me n hubs went to a gay club or gay night then 9 times out of 10 id get some fun and ill tell him afterwards what went on ..

stop looking for a unicorn (put me on a pedestal name for attention seekers) and look for real bi or gay women.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

"As people have already said, from a reader approaching your profile,

You need to be more explicit about what you would want from a single woman, and as they have said if your other half is just watching or equally involved.

My partner is bi, and she isn't inclined to be someones first, as there is a lot of pressure and she would be doing a lot of the guiding (some women are put off by that).

State what you think about, and what you'd like to try with a woman.

As for your other half, if he is just there hand holding, that can feel like the woman is putting on a show.

Hope this helps a bit morehow do I know if I would be comfortable with it if I’ve never seen another woman touching him

I’m sure I’ll be fine neither of us are the jealous type x "

It sounds like you've discussed your boundaries (as the stand at the moment). These are important, stick to them if you feel that's right. I get it must frustrating but what your after is a difficult. Not the bi woman bit but the FF play for what many may perceive the entertainment of the M. Many women would see this a them being a Guinea pig or human sex toy. And anyone with any experience on the scene would be cautious of any encounter involving couples who are new and show a level of doubt and potential insecurity incase it turns sour. Swinging for all couples can be hard and it's very awkward when stuck in the middle of a couple when it goes wrong. But your boundaries are your boundaries and that's OK (if not frustrating limited).

Just throwing an idea out here; ever considered the services of a sex worker? Not any old sex worker but there are some who are experienced with couples and may be able to provide what your looking for. After that you may feel you want to widen your scope and thus widen your opportunities on here.

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

"Hi all

We have been actively looking for around 4 years

A friend told us this would be the best place for us but we get 1 or 2 messages a month, under 5 views daily

Would love some advice/help if possible

Thank you for reading

Mrs x"

You seek the elusive unicorn..

As do many on here

I didnt get chance to read everything but i spotted the first few photos..

Personally i really get put off by wedding photos

I would focus on the social events and clubs

You're likely to meet more people there

Couples nights will allow single f

clubs have specific bi nights as well

Probably better route

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey OP, just reading through the thread, some of your responses would put me off personally. I'd love to meet a woman for play (although I'd want friendship aswell but that's just me) and the lack of experience wouldn't worry me but the fact you'd want your other half in the room and be able to get involved even though you're not sure how you feel about another woman touching him, I'd find off putting. Especially as you don't want another guy watching you which is completely your choice but personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable in that situation.

Just my thoughts. Hope you manage to find what you are looking for

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By *eviant_domMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

Hope this helps a bit morehow do I know if I would be comfortable with it if I’ve never seen another woman touching him

I’m sure I’ll be fine neither of us are the jealous type x "

You don't know, but what you can do is have the conversation as what you would need to say or do and what you would need to happen.

I've seen it where someone has literally got up and left the room when they weren't ok with something, and that isn't good for anyone involved. But simply asking for a time out , or saying I'm not comfortable and making that OK is a better way... Just a discussion.

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By *aughtynottsCouple
over a year ago

Outside Nottingham

Lots of talk of unicorns, we thankfully have had the pleasure of numerous single fems both on and off this site, so not really as rate as one would thing.

Clubs amazing nights to be had would very much recommend.

However, you have a pretty unique dynamic in that you want your fella involved but your unsure how you will react.

My advice would be talk out all the things that could happen that would possibly upset you, be honest with yourself, please don’t invite someone into a situation that may go tits up!

Lastly if women are wanting you to talk dirty and swap pics it’s more than likely a guy!

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

I think what you’re looking for is very niche. I think the comment above that suggested a sex worker might actually be perfect for this situation, as what you do seem to be looking for (whether you realise it or not) is sometime to provide you with a service. You want to something to come and play with you in front of your husband, be your first and possibly test touching your husband to see how you like it. There’s a huge risk there of the woman feeling rejected or uncomfortable if you decide you don’t like it. A sex worker is a professional and so is unlikely to take it personally if things don’t go smoothly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So basically you want a female to come and play with you, whilst your husband watches.

You have not been with a female before, so you could not like it.

Your husband may join in and again you may not like it.

How do you think the female is meant to feel when you say stop licking my pussy!

Or hey take your hands off my husband!

I am sorry to say that it comes across as all for you, nothing for the female.

There is no way I would meet for a scenario like it.

Clubs are your best bet.

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By *tellaAndMarkCouple
over a year ago

Hampshire

"Hi all

We have been actively looking for around 4 years

A friend told us this would be the best place for us but we get 1 or 2 messages a month, under 5 views daily

Would love some advice/help if possible

Thank you for reading

Mrs x"

Have a look at our profile, I re wrote ours after help from Fab family. Ours is by no means perfect, but it might help you get an idea of what to write.

Now this is just a personal preference, but I wouldn't put a picture up of our wedding day. That's just my choice, it's your profile, but I just think pic hunters would have a field day with that to use...

The next one, I had to suck it up and have photos taken of me, so hubby needs some more pictures of him, as if you are trying to attract a woman or a couple to join you they need to see both of you.

All this information was given to me on our post asking similar questions x

This is some solid advice which has seen green shoots of rewards coming in pipeline now.

I would lose the height and weight, it states your height on profile info already. Weight, just tiny and average.

The one final thing I would say having many, many years in retail sales management is your profile is your shop window, it's what people see and judge at start if they interested in you or not!

So dress it accordingly to suit the market you are trying to corner so to speak

Hope this helps x

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By *icola2202 OP Couple
over a year ago

Chatham

"Hi all

We have been actively looking for around 4 years

A friend told us this would be the best place for us but we get 1 or 2 messages a month, under 5 views daily

Would love some advice/help if possible

Thank you for reading

Mrs x

Have a look at our profile, I re wrote ours after help from Fab family. Ours is by no means perfect, but it might help you get an idea of what to write.

The next one, I had to suck it up and have photos taken of me, so hubby needs some more pictures of him, as if you are trying to attract a woman or a couple to join you they need to see both of you.

All this information was given to me on our post asking similar questions x

This is some solid advice which has seen green shoots of rewards coming in pipeline now.

I would lose the height and weight, it states your height on profile info already. Weight, just tiny and average.

The one final thing I would say having many, many years in retail sales management is your profile is your shop window, it's what people see and judge at start if they interested in you or not!

So dress it accordingly to suit the market you are trying to corner so to speak

Hope this helps x"
thank you so much I’ll work on our profile x

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By *tellaAndMarkCouple
over a year ago

Hampshire

No worries, do a forum search for profile is a shop window, soo much great advice on that post x

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

You must be disheartened after four years of actively seeking and finding nothing. Well done on persevering.

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