FabSwingers.com forum: Post surgery playing

By *explorer22 OP Man
over a year ago

Hull

In the past my wife and I have had a few swapping experiences and enjoyed it very much. A couple of years ago she had to have a mastectomy and underwent chemo, the effects of which have left her feeling unattractive, which I know is bull, but I’m biased!! I’m thinking of asking her if she would explore the possibility of getting back into the scene, but thought I would gauge whether other singles or couples would be put off meeting. I appreciate it wouldn’t be to everyone’s taste, just as a couple of 60 somethings wouldn’t be whatever they looked like! I don’t want to open up the couples account if there is a negative response which may cause upset if negative comment received…Anyone else in a similar position with any advice?

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

We all come in all sorts of shapes and sizes with our own lumps, bumps and battle scars.

You can please everyone and you shouldnt try but I guarantee, you'll find those willing to please you/her regardless of surgery as there is plenty of us who dont care about such things.

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By *explorer22 OP Man
over a year ago

Hull

Thanks

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By *explorer22 OP Man
over a year ago

Hull

Feel free to send private message with surgery in title if you would be interested in making contact, …

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By *asseurMan
over a year ago

Shrewsbury England not Wales

"In the past my wife and I have had a few swapping experiences and enjoyed it very much. A couple of years ago she had to have a mastectomy and underwent chemo, the effects of which have left her feeling unattractive, which I know is bull, but I’m biased!! I’m thinking of asking her if she would explore the possibility of getting back into the scene, but thought I would gauge whether other singles or couples would be put off meeting. I appreciate it wouldn’t be to everyone’s taste, just as a couple of 60 somethings wouldn’t be whatever they looked like! I don’t want to open up the couples account if there is a negative response which may cause upset if negative comment received…Anyone else in a similar position with any advice?

If others can't accept you both for who you are, lumps and bumps all, they are not worth knowing

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Do nothing without involving your wife. I know you want to protect her but the very fact that you're asking if people would be put off meeting because of what's happened would reinforce in my mind that I'm unattractive (regardless of whether it was true or not).

Have you asked her if she'd like to get involved in swinging again?

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By *explorer22 OP Man
over a year ago

Hull

Not yet … thats the next stage. And if she doesn’t want to that’s fine…

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Not yet … thats the next stage. And if she doesn’t want to that’s fine…"

You understand though that if someone feels they're unattractive asking other people if they'd be put off by them isn't going to be helpful in any way?

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By *explorer22 OP Man
over a year ago

Hull

"Not yet … thats the next stage. And if she doesn’t want to that’s fine…

You understand though that if someone feels they're unattractive asking other people if they'd be put off by them isn't going to be helpful in any way?"
you seem to misunderstand my question and the reasoning behind it…

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Not yet … thats the next stage. And if she doesn’t want to that’s fine…

You understand though that if someone feels they're unattractive asking other people if they'd be put off by them isn't going to be helpful in any way? you seem to misunderstand my question and the reasoning behind it…"

I'm sorry about that.

What have I misunderstood?

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By *uncpl187Couple
over a year ago

Ramsgate

I think she may have a confidence issue. Remind her daily how sexy she still looks. For us it would not matter at all as she is still a beautiful woman. It's the sense of humour we love most. Not what they look like.

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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago

Maidstone

I met a guy once who limped a bit when I watched him come into the pub. During our drink, he mentioned how he was disabled, he had only one leg. I took a risk and joked that as long as his cock worked, I didn't much care! To me, he was far too handsome and super sexy not to sex!

He had a fabulous cock and we had a memorable summer romance... Went to restaurants, slow walks, his local pub... He had a sense of humour that really tickled me!

But we didn't become an item because he didn't want to introduce a trans gf to his (grown up) kids.

Bummer eh?

Moral of the story? It's the person inside that counts and there are so many experiences are out there. Good and bad. Grab it if you dare!

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By *intyGWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

I completely relate to this. I had a double mastectomy and reconstruction in 2018 and no nipples as a result. I was nervous as hell when I first went to a club and I discovered pretty quickly that nobody bats an eyelid. Happy to chat to your wife if she would like a friendly word of solidarity xx

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By *urrey Dave 69Man
over a year ago

Epsom, Surrey

The simple answer is that some folks will be put off and some won't.

Its no different to any other distinguishing feature such as age, height, piercings, tattoos, skin blemishes, baldness etc etc. Although folks have different views on what they find physically attractive the swinging community is in general very welcoming and sociable. Personality and attitude are the most important attributes to having a good time.

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By *traight_no_iceMan
over a year ago

Stoke

The important thing is that she is healthy again. Slowly slowly she will mend psychologically. Personally I do not see scaring as an issue. It is the person that matters. When I am intimate with a woman who has confidence issues about scars, stretch marks etc, I kiss these parts to show her that I find her attractive all over.

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By *om2someCouple
over a year ago

South IOM

I would say the most important thing is to talk to your wife first, have an open discussion so you can get a feel for where she is. Then take it from there.

We are all different with different lumps, bumps and scars. Personally for me it wouldn’t be a issue.

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By *ebwizMan
over a year ago

Clevedon

You need to talk to her. My wife personally after a major op like your wife, i know would not wish to be intimate with anyone bar me. She backed away from swinging a couple of years ago and i fully respect her for that.

Hope your wife makes a good healthy recovery.

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By *aughtyBlokeKentMan
over a year ago

Kent/Gatwick area

I'm not sure that you're seeing things from a woman's perspective. She'll need to feel attractive and comfortable in herself to even feel sexual, and that she's safe to take that enormous emotional step, not just that random men on Fabs are still willing to have sex with her.

Everyone knows that women are deluged on here with the most disrepectful, tasteless and impersonal messages from men who are desperate for anything, no matter what a profile says or shows. It won't feel like a compliment or reassuring to receive those messages. Fabs is also bursting at the seams with photos of boobs, serving as a reminder of her loss and how much they're lusted after.

After everything she's been through, the most important thing is that your wife is able to fully come to terms with the changes in her own time, in her own way, with her husband's full support. She's unlikely to be reassured and flattered by anything on Fabs.

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By *lan157Man
over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

"I'm not sure that you're seeing things from a woman's perspective. She'll need to feel attractive and comfortable in herself to even feel sexual, and that she's safe to take that enormous emotional step, not just that random men on Fabs are still willing to have sex with her.

I am fearful that everything said by the above poster is correct. We have all heard about the men who turn on people who have rejected their enquiry with another vile message . Perhaps you might consider couples only to start if it is something you decide upon and use your filters with regard to messages.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I think if she did want to start swinging again to first look at a private meet with a couple rather than going to a club. She could chat through your couples profile and build up a rapport and her confidence before the meet.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Let her decide. Why are you discussing her business on here ffs

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By *aughtyBlokeKentMan
over a year ago

Kent/Gatwick area

I'd also advise being reeeeally careful about how your own motivations come across in looking to meet others, especially if you'd want to meet women alone or to same room swap. She's feeling vulnerable and would be natural for her to doubt whether she'll be enough for you or if you're missing boobs. She may find it really difficult to see you enjoy another's woman's body and breasts, whilst you'll have been telling her that her not having them doesn't matter to you. Even if she was fine with swinging before, it may feel threatening to her security in your marriage now. If you come across as keen to get back into sex with other women it would be easy for her insecurity to interpret that as proof that she's not enough.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

I know of one couple that I’ve met where the woman has had a double mastectomy. There are other couples out there who have had this experience.

Maybe go to a social event at a club. There’s no need for a profile just now. See how she feels about it. It might do her good to meet others and chat.

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