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"We were just thinking the same. If you really are interested in the lifestyle, try swingers clubs and/or organised socials. Fab is good to keep in touch with people you have already met, but not necessarily that good to organise meets. Also, there is still this little virus running wild, you know? Not everyone is comfortable meeting strangers yet. " Yeah I know about the lil virus. Key worker, been run ragged for 18 months now. I am sure we will get to a club at some point. | |||
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"Is the lifestyle really this hard? We seem to be putting a lot of effort into conversations, people are interested, but we have had varying issues. No shows, fake accounts, content shared vs content received. I am starting to go crackers, spidey senses seem to go off at every conversation now I understand effort needs to be put in as its a bit like courting, but we just seem to be jumping through hoops like a circus animal. " Yes. It really is "if" you rely on Fab and Fab alone. Firstly, there's a reason single bi women have the nickname unicorn on fab. The reality is, they're the ones everyone wants. Couples, single males and single females may all be on their meets so they get swamped with messages. They get to pick and choose so that's your first up hill battle. Secondly, if you're talking to a couple there's only so much effort most are willing to put in if there's no meet at the end of it. We're quite happy to put effort in and have no intention of trying to meet anyone there and then. But our end goal is actually meeting people, not chatting on here all the time. Taking all the time wasters, fakes and wanna be's into account, according to your profile says your only looking for single females and to chat to couples with a possibility to play. Unless you're willing to travel (you cant according to your profile), you are looking at how ever compatible single females are in your local area OR to women who are prepared to travel. Then you've got to find someone you're both attracted to and whos attracted to you. Add to that you're only photo verified which can be easily faked (not accusing you, just pointing out the fact) and a lot of people wont meet if you're only photo verified. Then there's the fact you need to arrange childcare to accommodate. Smaller and smaller sample size. You've basically made yourself an ever decreasing circle with Fab. Thats not a negative judgement by the way because we where once in the same position as yourselves. It's just a reality of the situation. Think of it like fishing. You've got a lake full of fish but you're only after one type and the only way to do that is with the right bait, the right rod and at the right moment. You could be sat here for months or years trying to get the fish to bite. We've been swinging on and off for 23 years and using fab on and off for 9 years or so. I can count on one finger how many single ladies we've met through fab and that didn't go well through no fault of our own. Just to give you an idea, in a 20 mile radius our local area there are currently about 90 single female accounts that have been active in the last 48 hours (and one of them is my wife's). On the flip side, there's hundred upon hundreds of single men and maybe about 280 couples accounts that have been used in the last 48 hours. And that's just the accounts that are in some way verified, some of whom are not what they claim to be anyway. So fab is a struggle at times (especially given the current world situation). I'm not saying you cant or wont find what you are looking for (we've met some truly wonderful people through Fab) I'm just saying it's not going to fall into your lap and takes a lot of effort. But as others have told you, the minute you start going to the social events and clubs, it's a different story. It's not easy for a lot of people (we dont drive and our nearest club is 50 miles away for example) but as soon as we started going to the social events, we started getting more interest from legitimate people on fab than we had ever had before purely from others who attended those events...even though we never spoke to them at said event. So being blunt about it, you really only have 4 options. Go to a social (when they restart), go to a club, keep trying on fab OR open yourselves up to a proper meet with a couple rather than dangling the carrot that you might "meet" if they jump through hoops for you....because that's what you're kinda asking for in that situation. We like to form friendship's and we love repeat dates with friends so we do put effort in. We're absolutely not all about "meet now". But in all honesty, we only have so much time to offer so there's no real reason to open a dialogue with a couple who only want to chat on here. Hopefully something in that helps you. Like I said, we where in the situation you are in but when we changed things up...different story. | |||
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"Is the lifestyle really this hard? We seem to be putting a lot of effort into conversations, people are interested, but we have had varying issues. No shows, fake accounts, content shared vs content received. I am starting to go crackers, spidey senses seem to go off at every conversation now I understand effort needs to be put in as its a bit like courting, but we just seem to be jumping through hoops like a circus animal. Yes. It really is "if" you rely on Fab and Fab alone. Firstly, there's a reason single bi women have the nickname unicorn on fab. The reality is, they're the ones everyone wants. Couples, single males and single females may all be on their meets so they get swamped with messages. They get to pick and choose so that's your first up hill battle. Secondly, if you're talking to a couple there's only so much effort most are willing to put in if there's no meet at the end of it. We're quite happy to put effort in and have no intention of trying to meet anyone there and then. But our end goal is actually meeting people, not chatting on here all the time. Taking all the time wasters, fakes and wanna be's into account, according to your profile says your only looking for single females and to chat to couples with a possibility to play. Unless you're willing to travel (you cant according to your profile), you are looking at how ever compatible single females are in your local area OR to women who are prepared to travel. Then you've got to find someone you're both attracted to and whos attracted to you. Add to that you're only photo verified which can be easily faked (not accusing you, just pointing out the fact) and a lot of people wont meet if you're only photo verified. Then there's the fact you need to arrange childcare to accommodate. Smaller and smaller sample size. You've basically made yourself an ever decreasing circle with Fab. Thats not a negative judgement by the way because we where once in the same position as yourselves. It's just a reality of the situation. Think of it like fishing. You've got a lake full of fish but you're only after one type and the only way to do that is with the right bait, the right rod and at the right moment. You could be sat here for months or years trying to get the fish to bite. We've been swinging on and off for 23 years and using fab on and off for 9 years or so. I can count on one finger how many single ladies we've met through fab and that didn't go well through no fault of our own. Just to give you an idea, in a 20 mile radius our local area there are currently about 90 single female accounts that have been active in the last 48 hours (and one of them is my wife's). On the flip side, there's hundred upon hundreds of single men and maybe about 280 couples accounts that have been used in the last 48 hours. And that's just the accounts that are in some way verified, some of whom are not what they claim to be anyway. So fab is a struggle at times (especially given the current world situation). I'm not saying you cant or wont find what you are looking for (we've met some truly wonderful people through Fab) I'm just saying it's not going to fall into your lap and takes a lot of effort. But as others have told you, the minute you start going to the social events and clubs, it's a different story. It's not easy for a lot of people (we dont drive and our nearest club is 50 miles away for example) but as soon as we started going to the social events, we started getting more interest from legitimate people on fab than we had ever had before purely from others who attended those events...even though we never spoke to them at said event. So being blunt about it, you really only have 4 options. Go to a social (when they restart), go to a club, keep trying on fab OR open yourselves up to a proper meet with a couple rather than dangling the carrot that you might "meet" if they jump through hoops for you....because that's what you're kinda asking for in that situation. We like to form friendship's and we love repeat dates with friends so we do put effort in. We're absolutely not all about "meet now". But in all honesty, we only have so much time to offer so there's no real reason to open a dialogue with a couple who only want to chat on here. Hopefully something in that helps you. Like I said, we where in the situation you are in but when we changed things up...different story. " I hope the OP appreciated this extremely well thought out, candid and honest appraisal of thier chances of experiencing a MFF via fab alone. As another verified and active couple we can honestly say we have never met a single lady via fab in the 2 years we have been here. However we have enjoyed a number of incredible MFFs via Swinging Clubs and also on the back of making contacts in the clubs to attend private Swinging Parties. MFF's (where the single lady who joins us, plays with both of us equally, is the centre of our attention and definitely not just a 3rd wheel brought in so hubby can do the whole watch his wife with another woman fantasy ) We see so many couples join fab looking for a MFF and after a few months they leave unsuccessful once the reality of the situation kicked in. Or they stay but follow the excellent advice given in this thread. Good luck KJ | |||
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"Is the lifestyle really this hard? We seem to be putting a lot of effort into conversations, people are interested, but we have had varying issues. No shows, fake accounts, content shared vs content received. I am starting to go crackers, spidey senses seem to go off at every conversation now I understand effort needs to be put in as its a bit like courting, but we just seem to be jumping through hoops like a circus animal. Yes. It really is "if" you rely on Fab and Fab alone. Firstly, there's a reason single bi women have the nickname unicorn on fab. The reality is, they're the ones everyone wants. Couples, single males and single females may all be on their meets so they get swamped with messages. They get to pick and choose so that's your first up hill battle. Secondly, if you're talking to a couple there's only so much effort most are willing to put in if there's no meet at the end of it. We're quite happy to put effort in and have no intention of trying to meet anyone there and then. But our end goal is actually meeting people, not chatting on here all the time. Taking all the time wasters, fakes and wanna be's into account, according to your profile says your only looking for single females and to chat to couples with a possibility to play. Unless you're willing to travel (you cant according to your profile), you are looking at how ever compatible single females are in your local area OR to women who are prepared to travel. Then you've got to find someone you're both attracted to and whos attracted to you. Add to that you're only photo verified which can be easily faked (not accusing you, just pointing out the fact) and a lot of people wont meet if you're only photo verified. Then there's the fact you need to arrange childcare to accommodate. Smaller and smaller sample size. You've basically made yourself an ever decreasing circle with Fab. Thats not a negative judgement by the way because we where once in the same position as yourselves. It's just a reality of the situation. Think of it like fishing. You've got a lake full of fish but you're only after one type and the only way to do that is with the right bait, the right rod and at the right moment. You could be sat here for months or years trying to get the fish to bite. We've been swinging on and off for 23 years and using fab on and off for 9 years or so. I can count on one finger how many single ladies we've met through fab and that didn't go well through no fault of our own. Just to give you an idea, in a 20 mile radius our local area there are currently about 90 single female accounts that have been active in the last 48 hours (and one of them is my wife's). On the flip side, there's hundred upon hundreds of single men and maybe about 280 couples accounts that have been used in the last 48 hours. And that's just the accounts that are in some way verified, some of whom are not what they claim to be anyway. So fab is a struggle at times (especially given the current world situation). I'm not saying you cant or wont find what you are looking for (we've met some truly wonderful people through Fab) I'm just saying it's not going to fall into your lap and takes a lot of effort. But as others have told you, the minute you start going to the social events and clubs, it's a different story. It's not easy for a lot of people (we dont drive and our nearest club is 50 miles away for example) but as soon as we started going to the social events, we started getting more interest from legitimate people on fab than we had ever had before purely from others who attended those events...even though we never spoke to them at said event. So being blunt about it, you really only have 4 options. Go to a social (when they restart), go to a club, keep trying on fab OR open yourselves up to a proper meet with a couple rather than dangling the carrot that you might "meet" if they jump through hoops for you....because that's what you're kinda asking for in that situation. We like to form friendship's and we love repeat dates with friends so we do put effort in. We're absolutely not all about "meet now". But in all honesty, we only have so much time to offer so there's no real reason to open a dialogue with a couple who only want to chat on here. Hopefully something in that helps you. Like I said, we where in the situation you are in but when we changed things up...different story. " Yes, this is absolutely superb advice, to the point, well thought out, well written and so so true....(spot on OP ) We're also very much into meeting and working towards meeting....couples as well as singles but do find it very difficult to get that vibe going, it has happened, and it's been incredible so that gives us much hope that it will happen again (hopefully lots!) But we're also very aware that real life....ie clubs, socials etc...will be far more successful The vast majority of us are seeking that special, regular, single lady and of course they do exist, but they are extremely sought after and as stated already, EVERYTHING has to fall into place and online....that's not easy at all....we've had our hopes up several times so far, been contacted by what appears to be genuine, verified ladies but it's either fizzled out, alarm bells have rung, or it's become clear very quickly that they're not who they say they are (pic collectors, fake, etc...) Fab is a great place (frustrating as hell sometimes) but there are some fantastic people on here, couples and singles....we've chatted to them, met them and played with them so it does definitely work as long as you keep your options open, put the time in and are prepared for it not to pan out quite the way you hoped. Approach with an open mind and a thick skin, remember that nothing is real until you meet and try not to pin all your hopes on one outcome....you may end up happier than you ever imagined Paul and Alyson x x | |||
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"quite honestly some of the best advice I have ever seen posted in a thread like this. I hope OP realities how much effort you put into it and listens. " Agreed hopefully the OP comes back to this thread and acknowledges the advice and support offered. Hopefully it will help them to understand how best to plan and enjoy a satisfying and not frustrating journey into the mad world of swinging. KJ | |||
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"Fab seems to work very well for us ,maybe because the longer your in here the more you can spot who will actually meet, might also help in that we can accommodate ,just give Fab time learn how to pick the people that will meet rather than just talk about it " There is a lot of factors to take into account though. Location, how many people are local.that do meets etc etc. You're going to do a lot better in london than you would a village in the middle.of the cotswolds for example It would be nice if all the serious people had the same amount of luck finding what they wanted but that is far from true sadly. The real problem for op is that they are only truly willing to meet single women and as pointed out, they earn the nickname unicorn for a reason. Odds are, to get what they want from fab they need to change their game plan. Adapt to your environment rather than expect it to adapt to you as it is. | |||
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"Fab seems to work very well for us ,maybe because the longer your in here the more you can spot who will actually meet, might also help in that we can accommodate ,just give Fab time learn how to pick the people that will meet rather than just talk about it There is a lot of factors to take into account though. Location, how many people are local.that do meets etc etc. You're going to do a lot better in london than you would a village in the middle.of the cotswolds for example It would be nice if all the serious people had the same amount of luck finding what they wanted but that is far from true sadly. The real problem for op is that they are only truly willing to meet single women and as pointed out, they earn the nickname unicorn for a reason. Odds are, to get what they want from fab they need to change their game plan. Adapt to your environment rather than expect it to adapt to you as it is. " You are right the more you narrow what your looking for the harder it will be on here | |||
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"It’s only been 6 weeks, during a pandemic and you’re only looking for girls! Perhaps amend expectations?" Completely agree. Also to add that being user-verified would also help your profile quite a bit! | |||
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"Yes, thank you for all the advice, ironically we were going to be having a meet tonight. Her ex couldn't cope with the children being ill and dropped them back. Her bag was packed and everything. We were literally about to leave to pick her up. Talk about shit luck. before someone jumps on the covid wagon, we are vaccinated and covid free as key workers and have been in a palliative care bubble for 6 months, tested regularly to make sure bubble was safe. " We weren't going to jump on the Covid bandwagon, but on the excuse bandwagon. Are you sure she is who she says she is? | |||
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"Yes, thank you for all the advice, ironically we were going to be having a meet tonight. Her ex couldn't cope with the children being ill and dropped them back. Her bag was packed and everything. We were literally about to leave to pick her up. Talk about shit luck. before someone jumps on the covid wagon, we are vaccinated and covid free as key workers and have been in a palliative care bubble for 6 months, tested regularly to make sure bubble was safe. We weren't going to jump on the Covid bandwagon, but on the excuse bandwagon. Are you sure she is who she says she is?" Yes, we have been chatting for ages, she is photo verified, Web cam verified and meet verified too. Yes I have done a verified trace looking down the line checking the people who verified are real, by checking down their verifications. So I went about 5 people deep on verifications, on all verifications. Maybe a bit anal lol I am thorough. | |||
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"Yes, thank you for all the advice, ironically we were going to be having a meet tonight. Her ex couldn't cope with the children being ill and dropped them back. Her bag was packed and everything. We were literally about to leave to pick her up. Talk about shit luck. before someone jumps on the covid wagon, we are vaccinated and covid free as key workers and have been in a palliative care bubble for 6 months, tested regularly to make sure bubble was safe. We weren't going to jump on the Covid bandwagon, but on the excuse bandwagon. Are you sure she is who she says she is?" We have been talking about 3 weeks on WhatsApp, we have seen her with her kids as they are poorly We are all so pissed off, but we can't now meet for a few weeks because of childcare and mother in laws funeral on Monday, so probably not going to be feeling like meeting for a few weeks anyway... | |||
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"Is the lifestyle really this hard? We seem to be putting a lot of effort into conversations, people are interested, but we have had varying issues. No shows, fake accounts, content shared vs content received. I am starting to go crackers, spidey senses seem to go off at every conversation now I understand effort needs to be put in as its a bit like courting, but we just seem to be jumping through hoops like a circus animal. " We totally get what you mean..we have taken breaks in fab a few times because of this.. I don't know about you but we seem to get soooo many msgs from straight single males litterly wanting to fuck and leave..quick emptying their balls sort of thing..go to work the next day just to tell the lads he got his hole lastnight...there doesn't seem to be many ligit swingers..certainly up this way anyway (scotland) | |||
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"Is the lifestyle really this hard? We seem to be putting a lot of effort into conversations, people are interested, but we have had varying issues. No shows, fake accounts, content shared vs content received. I am starting to go crackers, spidey senses seem to go off at every conversation now I understand effort needs to be put in as its a bit like courting, but we just seem to be jumping through hoops like a circus animal. " Reading through this thread, you’ve been given a great deal of good advice, and you appear to have taken it onboard, and updated your profile accordingly Don’t think of this as a lifestyle, think of it as a hobby which adds fun to the everyday routine Patience is indeed, a virtue, and the pandemic certainly hasn’t helped anyone! Whether you’re a regular club visitor, or someone who only uses Fab to meet likeminded people, nobody outside of ‘social bubbles’ has (or should) been meeting for months, but it’ll come round again. Think of this a bit like searching for a new house; you know what you want, and what your budget is, but it seems impossible to find your ideal home. But, just altering your search criteria, and maybe rethinking what you can afford, and then a property you maybe overlooked seems to fit the bill……. | |||
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"I think most people's advice would be to go to the clubs, when they're all up and running again. Seems to be where most couples make better connections." | |||
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