FabSwingers.com forum: First timers to 2 + 1

By *ameasyou1234 OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Would like some help and or advice on what to expect on initial meet and greet and also subsequent meetings.

We are first timers moving towards a MMF 3sum and have been chatting with and now about to meet. Obviously ground rules, but being new what should we consider that maybe you more experienced swingers wish you had?

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By *olo_89Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

Following as in same boat

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By *ichaelsmyMan
over a year ago

douglas

the ground rules depend on whose fantasy it is and what they actually want to happen.

how everyone gets on with each other and respect the boundaries.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

We set boundaries upfront, then set a signal to indicate if one of us was not happy with what was happening.

Works well for us.

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By *ameasyou1234 OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

So what happens if one of you aren't happy. How do you get out of situation and address things?

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"So what happens if one of you aren't happy. How do you get out of situation and address things?"

Just say it’s not working.

If it’s not fun, don’t do it.

Regret isn’t fun.

This whole scene there a sense of entitlement at times by people who’s values might not align with your’s.

Have fun, always with no regret.

Your values, your play.

Oh and don’t forget... have fun.

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

"So what happens if one of you aren't happy. How do you get out of situation and address things?"

We have a code phrase on meets. It's just a random innocuous question you would ask a partner.

Could be something like "Do.you have the house keys", " Did you lock the back door" or "Do you have a paracetamol".

You can pick.your own phrase but have one. It's just a code for "I dont want to have sex with this person or people" so you can let your partner know. Have another phrase for I want to leave now.and you should be ok.

At that point you can continue as you want. Keep it to a social sitiation and continue under those terms or make your excuses and leave. Most people respect a "sorry this is going to happen".

Being blunt is the best way to deal with things. We have no problem sitting and talking with people even if it's not going to turn physical but there are occasions where you want to leave pronto. Just have to tackle the bull head on and politely where best you can.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"So what happens if one of you aren't happy. How do you get out of situation and address things?"

You discuss things at length so all understand and agree on terms if for whatever reason something that you don't like if it's not a mutual agreement then it would be pointless if it's going to feel uncomfortable...

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By *ootballFlowerCouple
over a year ago

Ollerton

Keep your boundaries/rules simple so no one can mistake them.

If you do meet someone, stick to your rules that you have set up front. Don't change the rules in the heat of the moment - you can always meet them again if you want to go further.

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By *ickedwillyCouple
over a year ago

Bangor

Is it fair on the gent if the wife doesn’t want penetration?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before you meet, communication communication communication.

I have an MMF Wednesday for my birthday. It will be our first time with us all togethere instead of me with each of them separately. We have a group chat and are discussing everything from let's have a coffee and chat first to yes both guys can kiss me. Plus preferences for where they cum and anything we'd love to do or not do this time or another if it goes well. I'm not expecting it not to go well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it fair on the gent if the wife doesn’t want penetration? "

If she doesn't have penetration in front of him with her husband, yes.

If they discuss it and decide between them what the other guy might be doing at that time, yes.

If everyone is happy with just the husband penetrating, yes.

It's her body and if she says no penetration, she needs respecting.

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

As the extra M my hope would be that you have talked this through before hand and are both comfortable with your boundaries. I would also hope that you told me what they were and didn’t try to hide them. I will understand

If one of you is not happy then just say so. Don’t try and work out keywords etc - just be clear on what you want with everyone there. If it is not working then that is fine!

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By *ickedwillyCouple
over a year ago

Bangor

Well said

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By *lleyCat1969Man
over a year ago

Folkestone

"Is it fair on the gent if the wife doesn’t want penetration? "

Yes.

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By *inkyfun2013Couple
over a year ago

lewisham

Meet at his place or neutral territory (hotel). Much easier to control the situation if you know you can, in extremis, walk out rather than trying to find decreasingly subtle ways of trying him to leave.

And as someone else said, have code words between you for "not comfortable with this" and "get out now".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our first meet went perfectly. It was a guy called Patrick and he was exactly what we were looking for (and did exactly as we wanted).

I think that's the key to the whole thing, really. Becky and I were really honest about what we were after and what our boundaries were before the meet. We didn't rush it either. We spent a good few weeks messaging different guys, it was almost like a job application. We were quite open about it all with them though.

Anyways, when the day came, we rented out a little air bnb place down the road and waited for him to come round (no social). We'd decided together that we were more than happy to have a filthy night away EVEN IF he was a no show, so if he'd bailed on us, it wouldn't have ruined the night.

But he turned up and he was exactly like the photos. I really think if they're not a close match, they need to be given the boot. But we were very happy with him.

The way we started the night was with a drink. I soon asked Becky to get on the bed and start playing with herself while we watched. That seemed to get rid of some of everyone's nerves.

So, perfect first swing.

From our limited experience, we'd say make sure you're open about the boundaries, both with each other and the third. Take your time finding the right dude. Have other stuff to do so that if he doesn't turn up you still have a nice time. Think about how you want the night to end, be open about this with the third, and stick to it if circumstances permit - so there's no awkwardness when you've had your fill.

Good luck!

Jake and Becky x

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By *impsons3Man
over a year ago

high wycombe

For what it’s worth, selecting the right 3rd person is also key. Obvious I know but need to ensure that have experience at MMF and are patient and understanding. Letting the woman dictate the pace and play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As the extra M my hope would be that you have talked this through before hand and are both comfortable with your boundaries. I would also hope that you told me what they were and didn’t try to hide them. I will understand

If one of you is not happy then just say so. Don’t try and work out keywords etc - just be clear on what you want with everyone there. If it is not working then that is fine!"

Keywords are so ridiculous aren't they? I agree totally with what you've said. This should also be the same regardless of who or how many are meeting up if even one person is new to the dynamics.

SAFE WORD. DON'T FORGET YOUR SAFE WORD and confirm it once you're all together in the room.

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By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

"Is it fair on the gent if the wife doesn’t want penetration? "

It’s not a case of fairness… you should never do something as part of this lifestyle that you don’t want to do.

If the wife doesn’t want penetration then the guy MUST accept that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having had my first full on MMF a couple of days ago, my previous post was right. It all helped. My Sir was there with a really good FWB of mine. It was better than I could have hoped for because there was plenty of communication before hand and no-one was left out on the day. Neither guys were selfish over me or what they wanted. They made sure I was ok all through it too, so communication doesn't stop when the clothes come off.

Have fun and stay safe xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would like some help and or advice on what to expect on initial meet and greet and also subsequent meetings.

Remember the guy is not just there to help you fulfill a fantasy. The guy has feelings, sexual needs, and wants.

Talk about what you and your partner BOTH want out of the MMF threesome.

Make sure the guy you choose knows your sexual no-nos. Make sure he understands if he tries do anything sexually you are not into the meet will end straight away.

Let the guy know what you do like sexually so he knows only to do what you like.

Ask the guy what he wants to get out of the meeting.

Spend time getting to know guys online before choosing who to meet. Then hopefully you will get rid of disrespectful guys, guys looking for a quick fuck, idiots, chancers, timewasters, etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So what happens if one of you aren't happy. How do you get out of situation and address things?"

Before a meet, both of you should be happy.

Maybe have a social with the guy before a proper sexual meet.

There used to be a young couple on here who would invite single guys to meet them. Every time (people chat) A guy met them things would start off well then the male had couldn't handle it and would ask they guy to leave Don't be that couple.

Make sure this is what you BOTH want. If one of you is doing this to please the other things will not end well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it fair on the gent if the wife doesn’t want penetration? "

Yes. Your rules. If people don't want to follow your rules don't meet them.

I once went to an orgy years ago. One of the couples had a rule she would suck you off but you couldn't fuck her. Nobody complained.

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By *ringles0510Woman
over a year ago

Central Borders

Maybe take in your addition's likes and dislikes as well. Quite often the 3rd person joining a couple is treated like a play thingy and dismissed when the job's done. Bit disrespectful i think.

And never guarantee sex if it's the first time you meet. No need for code words. If it doesn't feel right on the night just say you'd rather keep it social.

Don't over complicate things and emjoy yourselves x

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