FabSwingers.com forum: Advice from Swingers about love

By *sya_76 OP Woman
over a year ago

forumcity

Hello everyone, I am not sure if this the right place to ask but I fell in love with a swinger. He enjoys being with me time to time but he is not in love with me and meeting others. I’m ok with that though I scared that he will find another woman and fall in love with her instead. I also met with few other guys through different sites but I can’t stop thinking about him. I’m also not ready for threesome with him.

Should I just wait for him to contact me all the time or should I show my affection and love?

I am fairly new to swinging so not aware of the rules of this game and I don’t want to scare him off.

Any constructive advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't rush into anything. I've been there and there's a chance you will only get hurt once feelings are involved. Think with your head and not your heart and discuss how you feel with him to see if he feels the same . If he doesn't then take a step back and think about yourself

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By *sya_76 OP Woman
over a year ago

forumcity

thanks for the comment mr.Nice. I told him that I’m falling for him. his response ; he is not ready to have a relationship but he really have feelings for me and don’t want to stop seeing me , apparently our time together is amazing and the best but then goes and meet others. This confuses me.

I don’t want others at the moment, I just want to be with him

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Is very difficult because your relationship goals for this situation are probably not in sync.

Make sure you look after yourself, communicate as honestly as you can both with yourself and with him where it's appropriate.

If you have any friends you can talk it through with then it's a good time to take advice from them if they normally give you good advice.

If you really are going to get hurt it's best to to cut the ties before it hurts you even more, if you are sure there's no other way for it to go.

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By *sya_76 OP Woman
over a year ago

forumcity

exactly _litterbabe , we are not in sync in terms of feelings. I feel for him more and accepting him as he is with an hope off we become a couple.

unfortunately my friends don’t know any swingers so their lookout is very monogamous and they don’t understand

that’s why I asked here maybe there is a way around to handle this feelings without leaving him.

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By *TJxComboMan
over a year ago

birmingham

"thanks for the comment mr.Nice. I told him that I’m falling for him. his response ; he is not ready to have a relationship but he really have feelings for me and don’t want to stop seeing me , apparently our time together is amazing and the best but then goes and meet others. This confuses me.

I don’t want others at the moment, I just want to be with him "

Why would he commit when he's already getting the kitty? Have you even shown him that you'd make a good long turn partner?

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

It's very difficult because although I understand you feel you are accepting him as he is, it sounds a little bit like maybe that would be hard for you really to do that, as as he may not want to give up his swinging lifestyle and he might consider that a part of him and so that would need accepting.

I am a lifestyler by heart, and if I had a partner they would need to also enjoy the scene with me otherwise we wouldn't be compatible.

It really is a very difficult situation, where your feelings are involved and you are not both on the scene.

If you wanted to, you could suggest going to a club or event with him.

You could ask him to make an agreement with you that you stay together all night and do not have anybody else involved with you, you can always chat about it afterwards and see how you feel and if you'd like to go back.

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By *sya_76 OP Woman
over a year ago

forumcity

I don’t want others at the moment, I just want to be with him

Why would he commit when he's already getting the kitty? Have you even shown him that you'd make a good long turn partner? "

It’s not about sex all the time with us, we share other things too. I don’t want to go all in just yet as I mentioned before I don’t want to scare him off by acting like a girlfriend

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

In my way of thinking, meeting others doesn't necessarily mean he likes you less, it means he likes the excitement of the meets.

He might still like home cooking the best but occasionally enjoy a takeaway or meal in a restaurant. It doesn't change the fact that the home cooked meals are most satisfying.

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By *sya_76 OP Woman
over a year ago

forumcity

Glitterbabe... so is it normal for him to meet others while he has strong feelings for me? Is it easy to separate feelings for people who embraces the lifestyle? I know he has been swinging for 5 years now and had couple of relationships out of it.

Club idea with your set of rules sounds doable actually, I’ll talk about this with him

it might be a good opportunity for me to see how he gets attention too. I guess :-/ I didn’t think this option is possible. I always think when you go to a club, you kinda have to sex with other couples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a really sad thread to read as it sounds like you’re hurting and may get hurt more...you’re faced with a tough dilemma...accept him as he is...or change yourself and embrace the lifestyle (not sure if you’re a natural born swinger and it’s desperately sad to come across females going along with something reluctantly ) ...or face the pain and find someone who can reciprocate and give you the love you deserve. You have a big heart op...give it to someone who will respect it and you big hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t want others at the moment, I just want to be with him "

You said here "but then goes and meets others. this confuses you"

and in another reply:

"we are not in sync in terms of feelings. I feel for him more and accepting him as he is with an hope off we become a couple"

He is a swinger and it sounds like you either don't fully understand and appreciate what this means to him or you are in fact NOT accepting him as he is.

Your expectations/hope is that if you stick around long enough he will change his mind. If that is the case it's very unfair to him and alot of pressure.

If you have been honest with him about your feelings and even if he has said he feels towards you back - but continues to see others then this is part of his swinging lifestyle that you met him being aware of and he clearly continues to choose this knowing of your feelings.

The only thing you have left to ask is would he consider a monogamous relationsihp with you, it does sound like he has already answered that by not being ready for a relationship.

It shouldn't confuse you him seeing others - that's his choice and something he's comfortable with, if you however are not comfortable with it then you need to step back and reassess yourself.

If you just try and play the waiting game you are wasting your time and deserve more than to sit there wondering what if after every meeting

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Swingers can meet other people and still have a very strong primary relationship, they maybe polyamorous and able to have multiple relationships or they may separate their feelings so that sex is not to do with love, it's the physical act of sex.

When you go to a club there is no pressure whatsoever to do anything, I often go to clubs and just chat to people, but it's important that you have agreed how you would like your night to go and that your expectations within each other or going to be met, so that you have agreed you will stay together so you can get a feel for the scene and he will not be flirting with anyone else unless you have agreed that.

If you you find it hard to accept that he's a swinger it will be difficult for you if you know he is meeting other people and still seeing you.

Also if your relationship goals are different that will be a problem.

If in the end you would like him to only be with you but that is not what he is looking for out of a relationship, then unfortunately that won't be a comfortable match for you.

If you feel you can truly accept him seeing others, and maybe even enjoy the lifestyle yourself, and potentially in the long run you might want to meet others with him or even meet others privately yourself and still have him as a primary relationship, then there is a possibility that could work.

It's very important you are honest with yourself and with him though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tread careful as its a sex site and most just want NSA fun and not to get into relationships. It may happen granted but its not really the place for dateing. Good luck in your choices OP xx

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West

It sounds like you do really like him, but don’t understand the ability to separate sex and feelings. (I don’t think I could swing in a relationship so I’m not judging!)

Because he has sex with other women doesn’t change his feelings towards someone he is romantically interested in.

But you already have your answer, you’ve told

Him how you feel and he’s responded saying he’s not ready for that. Don’t hang around and wait for it, you’ll only upset yourself more watching him do what he does.

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By *sya_76 OP Woman
over a year ago

forumcity

Thank you all so much for your kind and constructive responses. It definitely gave me a different angle to look at. Really appreciated!

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