FabSwingers.com forum: New couple!!!! Advice???

By *ustfully_yours OP Couple
over a year ago

middlesbrough

Soooooo we absolutely brand new to fab and the lifestyle (eager to get started)

We joined fab a few months ago whilst in lockdown so haven’t had chance to get started as of yet... but lockdown is now on the way to ending.

We would love any advice on how other people got started into the lifestyle and how people would recommend us to find our first experience??

What did couples find they liked and disliked from there first experiences?

What was your first experience and how did things change from there first experience to how they do things now?

Thank you for taking time to help us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't you already have a fair idea of what the 2 of you might like and how you might go about finding it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The most important things for me would be open honesty and communication.

A club might be a good idea, when they are open. You don’t have to participate, but you may get an idea?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/03/21 07:01:07]

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I would second going to clubs, getting a feel for that as it can be different to other types of meets.

You may also have better success at meeting your target demographic.

For us, our start involved a lot of communication, making sure we were clear about what we wanted to achieve and not trying to run before we could walk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The most important things for me would be open honesty and communication.

A club might be a good idea, when they are open. You don’t have to participate, but you may get an idea?

This

clubs are your best bet when they reopen. Many of them have events specifically for newbies which would be good for you.

And absolutely be sure that this lifestyle is what you want. I know some people will be put off by the fact that you haven't ever done this before, so there's a chance that when the reality is played out, one or both of you may not like it as much as the fantasy. That can cause drama that people tend to avoid.

But a club will be an opportunity for you to get used to that environment and allow you to see swinging for yourselves before getting involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here’s a menu ....

have you got fantasies that match? You might find others that match on here to.

Or just chat on the forums and see what happens.

What I would say is Fab and swinging seem to be different things. *just my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Single, but I imagine a mutual understanding with good level of communication in knowing each others interests and boundaries (the do’s and don’t) would be a good start. Clubs when they reopen is a good environment to make new friends.

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By *ustfully_yours OP Couple
over a year ago

middlesbrough

Hey, thank-you for the reply’s already

(mrs here).

We both 100 percent know what we want from this, and have talk and talked and talked about it, then had some amazing sex about it

For me I suppose, it’s more the easiest way into the lifestyle..

We are a fun couple and love an evening out so the club aspect really excites us both (especially me) but, never been to anything like this in my life so rather nervous about it. The do’s and don’t, how not to offend someone if you are not keen,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think most people are nervous going to a club.

I went on my own to Eureka and I cried driving in because I was so scared

Consent is key, so ask the questions, is this ok, can I...? And listen and respect the answers.

Also, to add, go as slowly as the least certain person in your relationship, neither should push the other to do something they aren’t comfortable with.

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

If I was looking to join a couple, I would expect to see photos of the male on the profile before even entering into conversation. I believe single bi women are not keen on being called unicorns.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"The most important things for me would be open honesty and communication.

A club might be a good idea, when they are open. You don’t have to participate, but you may get an idea?

This is very good advice.

I’ve seen new couples at socials as well, that’s a good, no pressure way to get started.

If you do decide on a club, make sure that you’re both clear on what you want

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had a quick look at your profile and it seems to be limited to unicorns if we read right

Thats ok but single girls are far and few between, well the ones that actually meet ..

Find a none pushy couple of a guy and see what turns you on ,because fantasy isnt like real meets x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey, thank-you for the reply’s already

(mrs here).

We both 100 percent know what we want from this, and have talk and talked and talked about it, then had some amazing sex about it

For me I suppose, it’s more the easiest way into the lifestyle..

Like you, my first time I was pretty nervous on my own at club, but soon overcome inhibitions knowing we are all there for more or less the same thing, to have nsa fun with like minded peeps. There’s never really any pressure to play if you don’t want to, a polite no will suffice. Like most things, good communication is key.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Lots of good advice already but one thing that hasn't been mentioned is boundaries - it's important to agree (and stick to) these, both between yourselves, and with others you might meet.

Always set them at the level of the least certain person, they can always be tweaked, with agreement, as you gain confidence.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

All oF the above advice is great.

Communication and honest is THE most important thing in all of this.

Set out your boundaries, and talk, talk and talk some more.

Heading to a club is a good idea as you can get an idea of this lifestyle without any pressure to play. Also organised social events give you chance to meet lots of other people.

Good luck and we hope you both enjoy your new adventure together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Following

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

If you've got the basic foundations, openness, communication, trust and a shared intrest then your ready to explore. Like other have said a club night is a great starting point (once things are back to normal). Just go with an open and curious mind. There you can take things at you own speed. Watch what's going on, meet other people and get a sense of what the scene is like, what you my want out of it and what you may want to avoid. If you explain its your first time I think you'll find people on the whole to be friendly and supportive. On top of that I would say do you research and pick a club/club night that is right for you (different clubs and nights have different vibes and crowds). Oh and a bit of research on the practicalities of your visit prior such as dress code, drinks arrangements, times etc will mean less to worry about on the night.

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By *aughtywifeandhimCouple
over a year ago

luton

Make sure you both know what you would like to get from swinging ,try and attend a social or club ,visit and chat to others on site chat rooms ,we started slowly with soft mfm and then couple , then a social and straight to after party ,we were both very nervous but soon relaxed and had some very enjoyable fun , yes we still have a few little nerves before the club or party’s ,we find finding couples that we all click is sometimes hard so now we tend to enjoy mfm more at the club and a few solo meets at club and sometimes away from club ,but you will find what you enjoy more as you go along ,good luck and have fun

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By *reedom78555Couple
over a year ago

Cambridge

If your relationship is fun. Naughty and enjoyable then swinging MAY improve it. If its boring mundane and dull AVOID swinging, it won’t fix it.

There’s nothing at all wrong with visiting a club, Not find anyone you want to play with and leave. Don’t play just because you “should”. Though we enjoyed being watched as we played together.

To turn someone down a simple “thanks but no thanks” is all you need to say.

We have an invisible physical signal between us. Squeezing your partners finger means stay and play. Pulling the finger means get me out of here. Silent. Discrete and to be obeyed instantly without question. Once you 2 are in private then discuss honestly and openly why you stopped it. Without blaming the other person unless they broke your agreed boundaries.

We’ve found regretting what you didn’t do means you can do that another time. Regretting what you did do can’t be undone and may split you up.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

"If your relationship is fun. Naughty and enjoyable then swinging MAY improve it. If its boring mundane and dull AVOID swinging, it won’t fix it.

To turn someone down a simple “thanks but no thanks” is all you need to say.

We’ve found regretting what you didn’t do means you can do that another time. Regretting what you did do can’t be undone and may split you up. "

Your discrete sign to each other is an excellent idea. We may have to steal it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very important,on a couple's profile,that you are BOTH aware you are on a couple's profile on a swinging community website

Very important.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

I would say also, have clear cut boundaries and stick to them. They may change in time. I struggled with our first meet, seeing my husband with another lady, but that did pass. I would now say start with clubs or social gatherings, no pressure there. Good luck on your journey and have fun!

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By *ssexgalWoman
over a year ago

Essex

Just be sure what you both want from it and also that your strong enough as if you’re iffy on anything it will break you.

Clubs are great places as I know from going to few of them and remember no means no

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By *ountbattenMan
over a year ago

Chester

"We have an invisible physical signal between us. Squeezing your partners finger means stay and play. Pulling the finger means get me out of here. Silent. Discrete and to be obeyed instantly without question. Once you 2 are in private then discuss honestly and openly why you stopped it. Without blaming the other person unless they broke your agreed boundaries. "

This is a wonderful idea! Subtle but clear signal.

Bookmarking the thread for the multitude of solid advice on here. Many thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well your profile is pretty clear that you're looking for single women. Just do a search on Fab and contact any that take your fancy. I do also suggest that you put photos of the male partner on your profile too. Why just show half the couple?

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

We would echo what others have said a club in our opinion is the best way to start out.

Just don't go with any agenda other than to have a great night out. Maybe even agreeing not to play on your first trip.

A club night is no guarantee of play so don't expect it just go to have your own fun and see what happens.

Pick a reputable club, they are all different and offer different things.

We like dress clubs so Liberty Elite and the vanilla alternative are out go to clubs we woukd recommend both.

Chameleons is a completely different kind of club but also has a great reputation.

Be prepared to travel for a good club it makes or breaks your night out.

Make sure you have discussed and have clear boundaries before you go and when you get to the Club treat those boundaries as sacred otherwise you risk betraying your partners trust which risks being the beginning of the end of your swinging experience.

Whatever you do it is supposed to be fun so if it stops being fun then stop doing whatever it is.

A polite not right now thanks. Should be all that is required in a club if you don't feel ready to play. If that isn't excepted then they are in the wrong not you.

Lastly No means No don't except anything less.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/03/21 07:36:55]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All of the above advice is spot on regarding boundaries and communication.

I’d add that once you dip your toe in the water, you’ll find it’s an ever evolving world. Your likes and desires will change as you become more comfortable and adventurous.

Don’t let other people sway your standards or boundaries. It can be easy to get caught up in the moment and act on impulse.

If you’ve not already checked out some club pages, Purple Mamba in particular run nights for beginners which we wish were available when we started our adventure. Think they’re doing them virtually at the moment.

Also there are virtual club nights to give you a little taste of what’s to come while we’re all waiting in suspense for the grand opening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Soooooo we absolutely brand new to fab and the lifestyle (eager to get started)

We joined fab a few months ago whilst in lockdown so haven’t had chance to get started as of yet... but lockdown is now on the way to ending.

We would love any advice on how other people got started into the lifestyle and how people would recommend us to find our first experience??

What did couples find they liked and disliked from there first experiences?

What was your first experience and how did things change from there first experience to how they do things now?

Thank you for taking time to help us

"
we are also very new we had a social first and chatting with the other couple to set down what we wanted and set boundaries and we also want social first to check everyone clicks x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Clubs are the best place for all the reasons everyone says. If it’s a mixed night be careful who you’re friendly with as some single guys understandably think they’re in with a chance if you’re too nice...being assertive helps you and them as most are respectful

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

Lots of really good advice already given above. Clubs are definitely a good option or group socials, once these are available again. From the point of view of a single female I'd say it's important to have pics of you both, especially if you both plan to meet/play.

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By *ootballFlowerCouple
over a year ago

Ollerton

Hey guys - best advice we got was on our first trip to a club.

Set your rules and boundaries before you start playing at all and stick to them whilst playing! They can always be changed later.

Feel free to drop us a message if you have any questions.

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