FabSwingers.com forum: Male performance

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

OK, putting it out there in hope of some sensible advice but, happy to take the ribbing that comes with I guess.

What with the past year working non stop on top of added pressures and strains of the obvious end of days pandemic, I've noticed my performance of late is lacking.

Im not complete failure but, I just don't seem to have the mojo to start with, the energy or staying power I had prior to Covid. It's really knocked my confidence if honest and feeling guilty towards the better half, cosmic_girl for not firing on all cylinders.

Now, I'm hoping it's just me being over worked. A bit of stress or similar and not something else but I've also always tried to avoid drugs to sort things so thought of looking into viagra or similar does worry me. I don't want to depend on tabs for erections. That said, if that's the only way I'd welcome some advice.

Appreciate this site might not be best to put this as not a great advert for now but, other part of me reckons this must be more common than we'd like to admit and given that we're all lovers of sex shenanigans and naughty fun I'd actually probably get some decent advice or comments from those who've experienced. If you don't want to raise the flag, we're fine with PM's

An occasionally softer space_cowboy_brum

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By *ampire69Man
over a year ago

Birmingham West Midlands

Maybe you need to try some fantasy roll play, try a little kinky fun, call me Birmingham based xx

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Theres a lot to unpack there, and while I am no Dr, I have extensive experience at dealing with erectile issues. I have used pumps, pills, rings and injections and looked into surgery.

Are you able to get and maintain an erection?

Is it softer than normal?

Are you losing your erection during sex?

Are you climaxing sooner than you used to?

Happy to take it to PM’s, but I am also no longer embarrassed to talk openly about it because I do not judge myself on my penis, and even if I did I would still be a disappointment to most.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Are you able to get and maintain an erection? YES AND TO A POINT, NOT FOR AS LONG AS USUAL.

Is it softer than normal? YES, NORMALLY "STANDING TO ATTENTION" BUT NOW, HARD BUT NOT AS HARD IF THAT MAKES SENSE.

Are you losing your erection during sex? YES BUT, THINK ITS BECAUSE I'M ALSO QUITE CONSCIOUS THAT I DON'T FEEL LIKE I'M PERFORMING AS I SHOULD.

Are you climaxing sooner than you used to? NO, IF ANYTHING NOT GETTING TO CLIMAX DURING SEX AND JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE SHE DOES.

LOOK, I'M ALSO QUITE AN OPEN CHARACTER SO HAPPY TO DISCUSS OPENLY TOO. "

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By *xelciscoMan
over a year ago

Reading/bracknell

Hi there,

So here are a few things to considere..

A) have you altered dieting habits to less healthy bits due to yhr pandemic

b) have you noticed differences in urination habits. If yes considere getting a pipework examination via your GP.

C) covid fatigue even if generally asymptomatic and lack of external stimuli can affect your mood subsciously. Eg are you overly stressed by the virus or constraints

D) there is data showing reduced sperm count in covid patients

G) make sure your partner undertands it is not her so that you don't fuel unconsciously the anxiety cycle over performance and she can help and be patient

H) viagra interacts with too many drugs to be downed on a whim. Get it via your GP.

I hope this helps you think of options and stay positive. Dontset expectations and relax about it. The body is telling you something. Just listen.

Be well and safe

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Are you able to get and maintain an erection? YES AND TO A POINT, NOT FOR AS LONG AS USUAL.

Is it softer than normal? YES, NORMALLY "STANDING TO ATTENTION" BUT NOW, HARD BUT NOT AS HARD IF THAT MAKES SENSE.

Are you losing your erection during sex? YES BUT, THINK ITS BECAUSE I'M ALSO QUITE CONSCIOUS THAT I DON'T FEEL LIKE I'M PERFORMING AS I SHOULD.

Are you climaxing sooner than you used to? NO, IF ANYTHING NOT GETTING TO CLIMAX DURING SEX AND JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE SHE DOES.

LOOK, I'M ALSO QUITE AN OPEN CHARACTER SO HAPPY TO DISCUSS OPENLY TOO. "

There are two main routes to consider with male performance.

Psychological and physiological.

The easiest one to treat is the physiological, this is your typical ED as a result of surgery, disability, illness, low Testosterone etc.

Viagra or other ED drugs can work wonders, but only if you struggle to get or maintain an erection sufficient enough for intercourse.

Without talking more and based on your answers alone I would suggest you may be affected by the psychological affects associated with male performance anxiety. This is where you get too worked up about needing to perform that you essentially think yourself out of an erection. Add to this your lack of orgasm which as you say is likely linked to you just trying to give your partner a good time, means you are not relaxing enough. You may be enjoying yourself, you can still feel good, but you are not letting yourself go.

I would suggest you look into trying to learn to relax again.

Have some play time where there is no intent on penetration, focus on touch and foreplay.

Take turns in pleasuring each other. It could just be a body massage, it could be oral only. Talk to your partner, don’t lie, hide or keep it from them. You may be beating yourself up about not being able to perform, but they may not have noticed a thing.

Maybe try other things in your sex life, fetishes, kinks, role play etc. I may be biased as I am a fan of BDSM, but you may also find your mojo lies in something “more”.

Look into cock rings if you haven't already. Make sure to get the right size and don’t wear them too long or you wont get any benefit and/or can damage the penis.

The right sized cock ring should help restrict blood leaving the corpora cavernosa, helping maintain an erection and hopefully returning you to that more rigid feeling. Which may help you regain that feeling of being an iron rod.

In all seriousness I would also advise not to wait too long to seek help from your GP.

I left it several years after noticing my performance hit it at first, and likely could have slowed or reversed some or all of the issues I have had to face.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"Hi there,

So here are a few things to considere..

A) have you altered dieting habits to less healthy bits due to yhr pandemic

b) have you noticed differences in urination habits. If yes considere getting a pipework examination via your GP.

C) covid fatigue even if generally asymptomatic and lack of external stimuli can affect your mood subsciously. Eg are you overly stressed by the virus or constraints

D) there is data showing reduced sperm count in covid patients

G) make sure your partner undertands it is not her so that you don't fuel unconsciously the anxiety cycle over performance and she can help and be patient

H) viagra interacts with too many drugs to be downed on a whim. Get it via your GP.

I hope this helps you think of options and stay positive. Dontset expectations and relax about it. The body is telling you something. Just listen.

Be well and safe

Again to echo this, but not to scaremonger.

If you have noticed issues with urination, then get your prostate checked.

The prostate is involved in erections, and any problems with the prostate could result in erectile issues.

And talk with your partner. If they feel your issues are a result of not finding them attractive or sexy anymore you then have other issues to deal with.

Get them on board with your concerns.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Great stuff.

Fab peeps have not let me down.

Was expecting more "send her to, I'll sort her out" lol

Cheers folks x

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Hah, well in that case send her round and I can make you look like a Greek god

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

Really nice that the responses have been sensible,considerate and helpful...A refreshing change..

Hope all works out well for you OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stress is a massive erection killer. I had it during my divorce years ago. Your mind is the hard on maker or killer. Worse thing is us men feel guilty for not pleasing our partner/sex partner. In so we heap more stress ans emotion abd guilt on ourselves. You just need to de-stress buddy.i bet that is the biggest cause for you. Keep your chin up bud you are not alone, if all guys were honest about it most have suffered it at some point. John

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you ever tried taking some viragra! Gets you rock hard for hours

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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago

Blyth

The responses from _etcpl are spot on. I had/have the exact same 'symptoms' you describe in your initial post. I went down the blue pill route after speaking with my gp and it didn't work for me. My gp wasn't much help to be honest so I just accepted that I was where I was and things pretty much stayed the same for a couple of years. I changed jobs and a woman at work took an interest in me, plenty of cheeky banter and flirting, etc. I didn't want to take it further as I 'knew' I couldn't perform and didn't want to let her down. We got close enough that I could tell her this but she still wanted to get closer. Anyway, one thing led to another and I ended up at her house one afternoon and we ended up in bed. She was brilliant, totally relaxed me and the sex we had was fantastic. She made me realise that it was all in my head and I've never looked back from that day.

I know I was extremely lucky to find someone to treat me the way she did and that may not be possible for everyone but the message is that the problem is 'probably' in your head and you have to find a way of getting over it. It really is all about being totally relaxed and uninhibited with the person your with. The rest will come naturally.

I hope things work out for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/02/21 21:22:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over worked has that effect. I’ve just started to slow down a little

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By *tevied1976Man
over a year ago

gloucester

I am genuinely surprised by the sensible attitude of fabbers to this topic.

Not a single cock womble with an arrogant and hurtful remark.

Well done fab, and we'll done OP for wearing your heart on your sleeve.

Firstly take some comfort in the fact that it's still working.

It's been a stressful year for many, and stress influences both mind and body.

The experience of one or two off days can put doubt in your mind, and lead to a self fulfilling prophecy. Try not to let it.

Sometimes you have to hit the reset to get things the way you want them. Focus on other forms of pleasure and take the pressure off yourself.

If you're still worried but don't feel like approaching your doctor about it directly, start with your Man MOT (when you can). It will check the basics and may set the scene for a discussion with your doctor.

Above all "Don't Panic", it never helps. And I hope things turn out ok for you OP.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks all.

Genuinely appreciate the comments.

Good to know that it's not unheard of on here.

I wouldn't be surprised if its a mix of the psychological factors. Covid, Lockdown, Majority of my customers in hospitality industry so job worries for me, Cosmic_girl losing her job at end of January and then home schooling malarkey.

Just wanted some opinions or thoughts rather than just dropping a blue pill and hoping that sorted.

I'll take some time out, try and get some head space and attempt to push out the mental block.

Cosmic_girl is great with it but we love sex so is a concern.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Good for you. If you get any other concerns about it feel free to drop me a line on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stress and tiredness are massive erection killers for me, has happened on a meet.

She was fine, men aren't machines who can just switch it on and off. It happens now and again.

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

South Side.

It seems like you have a lot of stressors in your life right now. All these affect your brain, and your brain controls, among other things, your erection.

You're young enough, so that prostate problems are unlikely to be the cause of your ED.

If you are going down the pill route, remember, they only work if you are aroused!. If you're not aroused in your head, then wee willy won't respond. Always have a medical, and GP prescription before taking Viagra. However I'd recommend Sildalafil, as it has none of the adverse side effects of Viagra(headache, hbp, blurred vision, red face, etc). And a half tab of Sildalafil will have noticeable effects for up to three days.Almost ALL men(including me) have erection difficulties, from time to time, but rarely talk about it. While some posters here recommend going for more bdsm, fetish, kink, in order to reach the ultimate hard on... Id say, less is more. Relaxation, a period of abstinence, chill out, good sleep, food, less alcohol, will produce longer lasting results. Good luck to both of you on your quest.. We all go through it from time to time.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

You would ideally benefit from sustained reductions in your life stressors and improvements to your physical and psychological well-being. How you achieve a better state will be somewhat personal. Good rest and sleep, as far as possible is a great foundation. Likewise, a healthy diet. Regular exercise should be great for you, if you choose aspects that you'll enjoy. It's not about a quick fix but a sustained progression, unwinding those aspects that have been harmful, as well as developing a stronger, healthier baseline you, that's enabled with greater resilience. Beware self-pressure, as you'll need compassion towards yourself, as much as you can. Remove the pressure, as much as you are able to.

Consider alternative sexual fulfilment for some time, that's not performance driven.

As and when possible, improve your fulfilment from all relationship types, as these should counter some of the negativity that's derailed you.

It's natural to have ebbs in our sexual appetites and abilities. Ensure that you get any health issues addressed too, as chronic health problems that aren't alleviated may impact more broadly on us but have been overlooked by many, during this pandemic.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some nice easy Sunday morning sex was prescribed this morning.

Thanks again to all those who've taken time to respond since I last said Thank you.

Much appreciated. X

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