FabSwingers.com forum: Older man in sexless marriage

By *corpio 50 OP Man
over a year ago

waterlooville

Hi older man in sexless marriage looking for singles .couples Very professional but seem to get some. negative responses. Must be other people in similar positions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife.

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By *oxy502Man
over a year ago

doncaster

I’m in a sexless marriage to

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By *he force is strongeCouple
over a year ago

Doncaster

We where both in a sexless/loveless marriage,so we both did the right thing and left our marriages.

No we did not meet each other on hear, we have been together for 14 years and never looked back.

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

A good amount do see it as cheating even if your partner has full knowledge of it. That’s only because most that say their partner has full knowledge of it don’t actually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi older man in sexless marriage looking for singles .couples Very professional but seem to get some. negative responses. Must be other people in similar positions. "

No judgement on what you’re doing - but just by way of passing comment - I can tell you there are certainly women here that are in the same position as you - I’ve spoken to several - however, it’s a shallower pool, I suspect.

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By *aggy40Man
over a year ago

Nuneaton

I'm in!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi older man in sexless marriage looking for singles .couples Very professional but seem to get some. negative responses. Must be other people in similar positions. "

Yes, I didn't cheat, got a divorce and moved on guilt free

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess you have to weigh up what's important. Aside from lack of sex is it a happy home? Have you spoken to your wife regarding how the situation makes you feel?

Basically does the minus of no sex outweigh all the rest, if it does then you'd be making the right decision to split up. If it doesn't then you either should be open with your wife about your need to meet others, or live with the issue.

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By *urrey Dave 69Man
over a year ago

Epsom, Surrey

I’m over 60 and in a sexless marriage but other than the physical side everything else is fine and I’ve reached an age where my preference is to stay in the relationship and cater for the physical needs elsewhere.

OP, I think you’ll find there’s a lot of guys in similar situation to you on this site. Being attached may be a small negative but a much bigger one is the ratio of single men to single females on Fab. The ladies on here have many guys to choose from so they can be very selective.

I’m bi curious but not looking to meet guys for 1 on 1 yet I get a dozen or so unsolicited messages from men every week however in the last six years I think I’ve only ever received maybe 2 or 3 mails from ladies and none of them resulted in a meet.

There will be ladies who want to meet you but you will have to contact them and impress them, charm them and be able to differentiate yourself from the hundreds of other guys who will have messaged them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe there is a lot of older couples in this position. I have met quite a few older females that are married and quite often the husband has full knowledge.

I quite enjoy meeting older married women too

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By *nob and KnockersCouple
over a year ago

Ashford

No judgments from us. Everyone’s situation is different. Can imagine it’s very difficult for guys who are being honest and saying there situation rather than like a lot do and pretend to be single but are not x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a sexless marriage. I tried everything to fix it but got nowhere. Even did counselling as a couple.

I didn't cheat. I left.

Also been on the receiving end of a cheating partner. That shit hurts when you find out, and we do find out no matter how careful you think you are

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

"Hi older man in sexless marriage looking for singles .couples Very professional but seem to get some. negative responses. Must be other people in similar positions. "

problem in life, there's always someone say something negative however positive it is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its not just guys in sexless relationships, i've been battling with the need for physical contact of any kind and the guilty feelings that I'm cheating

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

"Hi older man in sexless marriage looking for singles .couples Very professional but seem to get some. negative responses. Must be other people in similar positions.

Yes, I didn't cheat, got a divorce and moved on guilt free

Personally, that's what i would of done

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

But most things can be resolved with professional help. once you done that and nothing changed, separate and find someone more suitable. There's online dating for over 60s

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get the difficulty of being in a sexless marriage, has to be harsh but its not just that individuals needs at play here.

I'd not knowingly meet a married man regardless of his circumstances or if he had 'permission'.

Rationale being that I don't know for sure if his wife is supportive of it, people lie. Also and most relevant to me, I don't want to be a side piece, to have to fit in with his availability, to be unable to have spontaneous meets, stay overnight, go away for a night.... Even with' permission' I can't see a wife being happy with that so married men, do as you please but I'd not be interested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We where both in a sexless/loveless marriage,so we both did the right thing and left our marriages.

No we did not meet each other on hear, we have been together for 14 years and never looked back."

This. If not happy just leave. I did it and the cost was worth it ad i now have my kinky side kick.i have seen the heart ache when i female mates hubby had cheated ans she found out. Her so she thought perfect world imploded.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A good amount do see it as cheating even if your partner has full knowledge of it. That’s only because most that say their partner has full knowledge of it don’t actually. "

This^^^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi older man in sexless marriage looking for singles .couples Very professional but seem to get some. negative responses. Must be other people in similar positions.

Yes, I didn't cheat, got a divorce and moved on guilt free

Sane as me. Rather than cheat i walked out. No need to cheat. Some people love the thrill of fucking others and their other half dont know. I could not live with the guilt of doing it myself!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m over 60 and in a sexless marriage but other than the physical side everything else is fine and I’ve reached an age where my preference is to stay in the relationship and cater for the physical needs elsewhere.

More like thousands of guys who message the ladies. I bet the ratio in here is more like 75% single/cheating guys. 15% cpls 10% single women. So you are in a large pool of guys to try and impress the ladies with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its not just guys in sexless relationships, i've been battling with the need for physical contact of any kind and the guilty feelings that I'm cheating"

I been there myself but i walked rather than fuck someone else. I am now with a womsn who is my side kick and soulmate and we are in here to enjoy this journey together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was in a sexless marriage. I tried everything to fix it but got nowhere. Even did counselling as a couple.

I didn't cheat. I left.

Also been on the receiving end of a cheating partner. That shit hurts when you find out, and we do find out no matter how careful you think you are"

My thoughts exactly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi older man in sexless marriage looking for singles .couples Very professional but seem to get some. negative responses. Must be other people in similar positions. "

It’s an honest post (although not honest with the wife) in that your not getting sex, you want sex, have said your married and assume your not looking for a more involved relationship.

It’s a better ploy than some i have seen.

If someone else is looking for the same then you may get a response.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looking for sex with others whilst married can be fine if both partners are in agreement and this can be confirmed.

The point is though, a marriage is a partnership.

In any partnership both partners make decisions, not one.

If both partners have made that decision, and the person looking elsewhere have their partner personally confirm that then people may be a little more receptive.

As in any partnership, nothing is perfect. If something is missing or wrong then then why not talk?

Both partners can then agree on a way forward, or not as the case may be. The choice made by both partners, not one.

Is it fair that only one partner gets to make that decision? That is what we all see a lot on here.

" I like the good things and I still love him/her " is the usual excuse.

" But the things I can't have I will get elsewhere behind his/her back "

Is that being fair?

Just our view.

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Hi older man in sexless marriage looking for singles .couples Very professional but seem to get some. negative responses. Must be other people in similar positions. "

Negative in what way? Because you're married or other reasons?

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By *entlemanrogueMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

This is why Marriage is a dying tradition.

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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago

Solihull and Brentwood

In agreement with you op.

I'm also in a sexless relationship and have been for a long time. We don't live together, only at weekends, when covid allows.

Would never leave her. She's 20 years older than me, and we've had a lot of good times - over almost a quarter of a century - together.

But like you, I would like to find either a couple, or single female that likes a laugh. Because every time I phone my partner. (Twice a day.) She has something aching or thinks she has some odd ailment. Even the docs have had enough of her.

Just, I would like some fun back in my life. As, I realise I'm getting old as well.

Selfish sort of. But I would have got less for murdering someone and it would have probably been more fun.

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By *lansmanMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Hi older man in sexless marriage looking for singles .couples Very professional but seem to get some. negative responses. Must be other people in similar positions. "

You are in the same situation as half the guys on here.

Its why theres so few women. Women ,not all ,just aren't into sex as much .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Looking for sex with others whilst married can be fine if both partners are in agreement and this can be confirmed.

The point is though, a marriage is a partnership.

In any partnership both partners make decisions, not one.

If both partners have made that decision, and the person looking elsewhere have their partner personally confirm that then people may be a little more receptive.

As in any partnership, nothing is perfect. If something is missing or wrong then then why not talk?

Both partners can then agree on a way forward, or not as the case may be. The choice made by both partners, not one.

Is it fair that only one partner gets to make that decision? That is what we all see a lot on here.

" I like the good things and I still love him/her " is the usual excuse.

" But the things I can't have I will get elsewhere behind his/her back "

Is that being fair?

Just our view.

What you have missed out as well is that financially a lot of couples cannot afford to split especially if they wish to sustain the lifestyle they have.

also if you cannot agree on something what then, if one of you is unhappy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is far more common than many realise and has been the case for centuries. Fab has both men and women in this situation, some of whom are open about it and others not.

There's no easy solution to this problem and those not in this situation should be slow to judge others who are.

But it's also true that a marriage will be put in serious jeopardy unless there's been a full and frank discussion about it between husband and wife, and agreement for one or both to meet their physical needs elsewhere. And that's just another fact of life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In agreement with you op.

I'm also in a sexless relationship and have been for a long time. We don't live together, only at weekends, when covid allows.

Would never leave her. She's 20 years older than me, and we've had a lot of good times - over almost a quarter of a century - together.

Just, I would like some fun back in my life. As, I realise I'm getting old as well.

Selfish sort of. But I would have got less for murdering someone and it would have probably been more fun.

Just get divorced and enjoy life. You say you are sick of her aches and pains ect. Cheating is cheating no matter how you sugar coat it.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Hi older man in sexless marriage looking for singles .couples Very professional but seem to get some. negative responses. Must be other people in similar positions. "

Me personally: it's a matter of respect. Married men tend to blame their partners for being here whilst women just get on with it without fuss, fanfare or entitlement.

We're all here for our own reasons, I wouldn't want to meet someone who appeared to disrespect their spouse as I'm nothing to them, they're unlikely to respect me.

There are people who don't have a problem, seek them out. No matter what, none of us has universal appeal so focus on the ones wanting to meet you instead of those who don't!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Looking for sex with others whilst married can be fine if both partners are in agreement and this can be confirmed.

The point is though, a marriage is a partnership.

In any partnership both partners make decisions, not one.

If both partners have made that decision, and the person looking elsewhere have their partner personally confirm that then people may be a little more receptive.

As in any partnership, nothing is perfect. If something is missing or wrong then then why not talk?

Both partners can then agree on a way forward, or not as the case may be. The choice made by both partners, not one.

Is it fair that only one partner gets to make that decision? That is what we all see a lot on here.

" I like the good things and I still love him/her " is the usual excuse.

" But the things I can't have I will get elsewhere behind his/her back "

Is that being fair?

Just our view.

What you have missed out as well is that financially a lot of couples cannot afford to split especially if they wish to sustain the lifestyle they have.

also if you cannot agree on something what then, if one of you is unhappy?"

Money is not worth saying with someone for if you are unhappy. Cheating is cheating no matter how people sugarcoat it.

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By *lirty-CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Bexley

"This is far more common than many realise and has been the case for centuries. Fab has both men and women in this situation, some of whom are open about it and others not.

There's no easy solution to this problem and those not in this situation should be slow to judge others who are.

Agree with this. There's lots of different situations and mitigating or complicating factors to consider. If a couple love eachother dearly but one is suffering from a absence of intimacy and sex, then in an ideal world that could be talked about and reconciled. In the real world, however, all sorts of feelings come into play and things can become extremely hurtful. We'd never judge anyone in this situation but for those who've got to the point that they're here looking for some outlet all we'd say is be as careful, responsible and discreet as you can because there's a lot at stake.

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By *ear in the chairMan
over a year ago

yeah there

I'm married, here with the Mrs consent and both happily on the swing scene together and apart.

But, some ladies like to have that bit more 'guarenteed' access and regularity that being otherwise engaged doesn't always make possible. Respect and happy hunting for them. Someone out there for everyone, just effort in equals results out and expect lots of women you have a hankering for to not feel the same.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I will not knowingly meet attached or married people for the simple reason (and I have experienced it twice) that it leads to complications which I do not want or need in my life. It really is that simple. xx

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By *leasure4leisureMan
over a year ago

south

"I will not knowingly meet attached or married people for the simple reason (and I have experienced it twice) that it leads to complications which I do not want or need in my life. It really is that simple. xx

Even if you were to meet is both socially first ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe some people can have a happy sexless marriage?

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Even if you were to meet is both socially first ?

Afraid so, and sometimes it is quite hard to decline a coffee or drink if they are like somebody I would really like to get to know. But based on my experience (and both were truly horrendous) I just protect myself by not going there again - if that makes sense?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

People have their preferences on who they view as appropriate for them. Some see possible complications with engaging with someone who isn't single.

If you are fully explicit in the details that you provide, it should allow others to self-select over whether they engage with you.

There will always be some who may be judgemental but that's life, when others don't have the fuller picture and they are ignorant.

Nobody is meeting at present, so you may find that clubs once open again, are the more appropriate options for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Looking for sex with others whilst married can be fine if both partners are in agreement and this can be confirmed.

The point is though, a marriage is a partnership.

In any partnership both partners make decisions, not one.

If both partners have made that decision, and the person looking elsewhere have their partner personally confirm that then people may be a little more receptive.

As in any partnership, nothing is perfect. If something is missing or wrong then then why not talk?

Both partners can then agree on a way forward, or not as the case may be. The choice made by both partners, not one.

Is it fair that only one partner gets to make that decision? That is what we all see a lot on here.

" I like the good things and I still love him/her " is the usual excuse.

" But the things I can't have I will get elsewhere behind his/her back "

Is that being fair?

Just our view.

What you have missed out as well is that financially a lot of couples cannot afford to split especially if they wish to sustain the lifestyle they have.

also if you cannot agree on something what then, if one of you is unhappy?

Money is not worth saying with someone for if you are unhappy. Cheating is cheating no matter how people sugarcoat it. "

This is completely it.

Money isn't a factor.

To cheat on someone is an abuse of their trust.

It is dishonest and disrespectful.

Yet the cheating person always says they care for their partner.

The two do not go together.

If you cheat, then you don't care. However there are exceptions, but not many.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People have their preferences on who they view as appropriate for them. Some see possible complications with engaging with someone who isn't single.

If you are fully explicit in the details that you provide, it should allow others to self-select over whether they engage with you.

There will always be some who may be judgemental but that's life, when others don't have the fuller picture and they are ignorant.

Nobody is meeting at present, so you may find that clubs once open again, are the more appropriate options for you.

We are curious.

What fuller picture makes cheating ok?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Looking for sex with others whilst married can be fine if both partners are in agreement and this can be confirmed.

The point is though, a marriage is a partnership.

In any partnership both partners make decisions, not one.

If both partners have made that decision, and the person looking elsewhere have their partner personally confirm that then people may be a little more receptive.

As in any partnership, nothing is perfect. If something is missing or wrong then then why not talk?

Both partners can then agree on a way forward, or not as the case may be. The choice made by both partners, not one.

Is it fair that only one partner gets to make that decision? That is what we all see a lot on here.

" I like the good things and I still love him/her " is the usual excuse.

" But the things I can't have I will get elsewhere behind his/her back "

Is that being fair?

Just our view.

What you have missed out as well is that financially a lot of couples cannot afford to split especially if they wish to sustain the lifestyle they have.

also if you cannot agree on something what then, if one of you is unhappy?

Money is not worth saying with someone for if you are unhappy. Cheating is cheating no matter how people sugarcoat it.

This is completely it.

Money isn't a factor.

To cheat on someone is an abuse of their trust.

It is dishonest and disrespectful.

Yet the cheating person always says they care for their partner.

The two do not go together.

If you cheat, then you don't care. However there are exceptions, but not many."

Agreed, whole heartedly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having never been married and as a single guy who absaloutly loves been single it's very much by choice I just don't feel that I need to have some one in my life permantly much prefer casual dating ECT obviously this year has ruined that. but my question is why do people in sexless marriages or just rubbish marriages in general stay together what's the point if it doesn't make you happy?.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having never been married and as a single guy who absaloutly loves been single it's very much by choice I just don't feel that I need to have some one in my life permantly much prefer casual dating ECT obviously this year has ruined that. but my question is why do people in sexless marriages or just rubbish marriages in general stay together what's the point if it doesn't make you happy?. "

Fear of lonelyness, money, kids, there's loads of reasons.

I stayed in one because i loved her clearly more than she loved me and held on for so long.

It's a bit complex, when you haven't been in the situation.

It's horrible, heartbreaking and can destroy you slowly inside over time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fear of lonelyness, money, kids, there's loads of reasons.

I stayed in one because i loved her clearly more than she loved me and held on for so long.

It's a bit complex, when you haven't been in the situation.

It's horrible, heartbreaking and can destroy you slowly inside over time. "

Staying in a dead relationship just sucks the life out of your very soul. Id never stay in a dead relationship now. Lost far to many years i can can never get back by staying for the kids sake. Lifecus to short. If it aint working just leave. No need to cheat ever!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

True.

But honesty in that relationship should always be there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People stay in sexless marriages for all sorts of reasons but there is very much more to a committed relationship than sex. If a relationship is based solely on sex it will flounder at some point because there are going to be times in a long relationship when one of the other or both just don't want to be physical. If there's no other basis you might as well give up on it."
Suppose if it's sexless but both are happy then I can see staying together more like friends but if it's sexless and someone is frustrated enough to cheat or even just be on fab then what's the point in staying in the relationship

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

People stay in sexless marriages for all sorts of reasons but there is very much more to a committed relationship than sex. If a relationship is based solely on sex it will flounder at some point because there are going to be times in a long relationship when one of the other or both just don't want to be physical. If there's no other basis you might as well give up on it. Suppose if it's sexless but both are happy then I can see staying together more like friends but if it's sexless and someone is frustrated enough to cheat or even just be on fab then what's the point in staying in the relationship "

Lack of sex isn't always permanent. People get ill, people just go through dips in libido, have to take certain medication, give birth, work away from home, get exhausted, stop fancying their partner because they've stopped making an effort...

The bottom line is that if sex is more important your relationship than it is to your partner and either one of both of you are unwilling to work to find a solution you might as well give up.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

True.

But honesty in that relationship should always be there.

Yep, that goes for sexual and non sexual marriages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

True.

But honesty in that relationship should always be there.

Yep, that goes for sexual and non sexual marriages."

Agree totally.

Hence if that honesty was respected there wouldn't be cheats, just married people playing with consent.

Who knows, that honesty may even refresh the sex life between partners.

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By *un couple 2Couple
over a year ago

Tynemouth.

there are quite a few guys in sexless marriages on here it seems,

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

True.

But honesty in that relationship should always be there.

Yep, that goes for sexual and non sexual marriages.

Agree totally.

Hence if that honesty was respected there wouldn't be cheats, just married people playing with consent.

Who knows, that honesty may even refresh the sex life between partners."

Who knows, humans are strange beings and we don't live in an ideal world.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"there are quite a few guys in sexless marriages on here it seems,"

Lol. Sure are.

They always get slated though whereas on the rare occasion a woman complains that she's in a sexless marriage she often get sympathy and offers from guys willing to help her out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The truth is that men in general struggle more on here. Even not factoring in that people aren't meeting or making plans to meet at the moment due to the pandemic. Even young, single men find it hard - when you are older and married, it just gets much more complicated.

I don't judge but I won't meet a married man because my experiences have taught me that they can't give me the flexibility that I need. I don't want someone who can only meet for an hour a month when he's managed to make an excuse to get away from his wife for a bit, you know?

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By *aria_dreamgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

stockport

Women often lose interest in sex as they grow older but relationships don't disintegrate because of it.I speak from experience as my wife is supportive of me being Maria

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I was in a sexless marriage. I tried everything to fix it but got nowhere. Even did counselling as a couple.

I didn't cheat. I left.

Also been on the receiving end of a cheating partner. That shit hurts when you find out, and we do find out no matter how careful you think you are"

I did this too so many people wanting their cake and eating it - life doesn’t work like that.

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By *ap d agde coupleCouple
over a year ago

Broadstairs

Awful divorce her

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

Imo they want the best of both worlds ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same here haven’t had sex with my wife for at least 5 years now, she never really enjoyed sex and it was always me who had to make the first move and i don’t want to force myself on her. Still love her though and been married 40 years now

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By *willfindyouWoman
over a year ago

Not looking to meet new peeps.

When will men understand this is swing site and for me its insulting to class us as tramps. it's so different. it's not a hoke up ffs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same here haven’t had sex with my wife for at least 5 years now, she never really enjoyed sex and it was always me who had to make the first move and i don’t want to force myself on her. Still love her though and been married 40 years now "
does she know your on here?.

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By *rgoodnbadMan
over a year ago

greenock

"there are quite a few guys in sexless marriages on here it seems,

Lol. Sure are.

They always get slated though whereas on the rare occasion a woman complains that she's in a sexless marriage she often get sympathy and offers from guys willing to help her out

That's cos we're such nice people

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By *risrugbyfanMan
over a year ago

yate

Ok so reading this thread my partner and I should then split up due to me not wanting to meet on here and having no sex drive at mo.yes he can meet solo , I'm not bothered as know he wants to explore his bi side .

We have discussed it at length and are both ok ,not ideal but no plans to split .

I enjoy sex ,but, at moment being perimenopauseal and struggling with mental health means sex is last thing in want.luckily I am getting help from my dr and si is supportive .

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

At least men can visit sex workers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you made a choice to come on here, evenue though you love her.

Seeing that you love her that much, did your wife get a choice on what you do, or not??

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By *oriarty99Man
over a year ago

London

"Hi older man in sexless marriage looking for singles .couples Very professional but seem to get some. negative responses. Must be other people in similar positions. "

Dump your wife. She deserves better than you.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"there are quite a few guys in sexless marriages on here it seems,

Lol. Sure are.

They always get slated though whereas on the rare occasion a woman complains that she's in a sexless marriage she often get sympathy and offers from guys willing to help her out

That's cos we're such nice people

You're saints

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By *andy_tomMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

I'm in would be nice to find a local married woman in the same position.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She know you are on here? If not you cannot love her to be on here cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Women often lose interest in sex as they grow older but relationships don't disintegrate because of it.I speak from experience as my wife is supportive of me being Maria "

Thats different as she knows you are on here.

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

She know you are on here? If not you cannot love her to be on here cheating. "

I was about to ask the same and I swear he posted the same thing twice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She know you are on here? If not you cannot love her to be on here cheating.

I was about to ask the same and I swear he posted the same thing twice. "

How can you still love her when she does not know he on here fucking other women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're age 70: do you work? If the answer is no, I suggest that if you go down the unfaithfulness route you'll be making up excuses as to why you're out or late, and it wouldn't be long before your wife suspects something. So don't do it; you'll only hurt her.

I don't know you but sometimes the reason a wife "doesn't enjoy sex" lies with the husband.

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

She know you are on here? If not you cannot love her to be on here cheating.

I was about to ask the same and I swear he posted the same thing twice.

How can you still love her when she does not know he on here fucking other women

Oh no I’m not asking the same question as the OP I was saying I was about to ask the same question as you

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By *ittyandtheboyCouple
over a year ago

Behind the bike shed!

For us we call the scene ‘Ethical Non-Monogamy’ the important bit is the ethical bit.

As well as that, the lifestyle requires trust. If you’re willing to deceive your closest relative, how can we trust you?

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife."
I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up.

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By *rgoodnbadMan
over a year ago

greenock

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife. I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up."

Doesn't matter, you're a bastard man willing to cheat on your sweet innocent angelic wife. That's what all these posters are thinking, well the ones who've never done anything wrong. Let them cast the first stone.

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By *cooby5555Man
over a year ago

galway

I have been in a sexless marriage for at least 10 years I have discussed this with her many times over this period she has promised things will change but they never do any time I have tried to leave she has begged me not to for her and our daughter s sake .Me being the soft git that I am always stay and put up with it . I wonder if there are many more like me

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

[Removed by poster at 17/01/21 12:05:41]

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I have been in a sexless marriage for at least 10 years I have discussed this with her many times over this period she has promised things will change but they never do any time I have tried to leave she has begged me not to for her and our daughter s sake .Me being the soft git that I am always stay and put up with it . I wonder if there are many more like me"

You should leave for her sake and yours .... what’s the point in making three people miserable. You all deserve better

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife. I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up.

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By *cooby5555Man
over a year ago

galway

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife. I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up.

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By *mmixtapeCouple
over a year ago

middle earth

"Hi older man in sexless marriage looking for singles .couples Very professional but seem to get some. negative responses. Must be other people in similar positions.

Yes, I didn't cheat, got a divorce and moved on guilt free

Best way to handle the situation!! If you can't be honest with the person you've dedicated your life too then you sure as hell won't be honest with me. No cheats, no liars.

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By *mmixtapeCouple
over a year ago

middle earth

"For us we call the scene ‘Ethical Non-Monogamy’ the important bit is the ethical bit.

As well as that, the lifestyle requires trust. If you’re willing to deceive your closest relative, how can we trust you? "

Exactly my thinking! The ethical part is incredibly important

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife. I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up.

No one said wives are sweet angels ... anyone man or woman deserves honesty and if you’re on here looking for hook ups and your partner doesn’t know then yes you’re cheating and dishonest. There is no grey area ... problem is they are not miserable every day live is good and lack of sex doesn’t bother her so perhaps they would be more miserable if I leave "
ask her...tell her that you love her life is good but I need a sexual relationship to if she isn't ok with that then your cheating if she is fine with it you are free to meet others to fill that part of your life any other outcome is cheating and very dishonest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife. I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up.

There are levels of doing things wrong, we all know that.

Funny seeing people's views on being dishonest and disrespectful to the one person they say that they love the most.

Sad reflection of the world today.

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By *inkywife1981Couple
over a year ago

A town near you

In fairness sexless doesnt have to mean loveless.

I'm sure it's hard when one side loses interest in sex due to age or health related issues but I dint think the answer would be to seperate

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"In fairness sexless doesnt have to mean loveless.

I'm sure it's hard when one side loses interest in sex due to age or health related issues but I dint think the answer would be to seperate"

I agree, other people's relationships are nobody else's business really

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By *corpio 50 OP Man
over a year ago

waterlooville

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Out of that now n never been better.

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

"At least men can visit sex workers."

I was wondering how long it would be before the obvious solution got a mention.

The oldest solution spawned the oldest profession.

The problem is that many men in our culture are hung up about paying for sex and a large tranche are too tight to pay for it.

Waiting for it to turn up as an uncomplicated freebie on here could be a good way of wasting one's remaining days!

A partner is less likely to get jealous over a sex worker than someone they could easily see as an emotional rival.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"At least men can visit sex workers.

I was wondering how long it would be before the obvious solution got a mention.

The oldest solution spawned the oldest profession.

The problem is that many men in our culture are hung up about paying for sex and a large tranche are too tight to pay for it.

Waiting for it to turn up as an uncomplicated freebie on here could be a good way of wasting one's remaining days!

A partner is less likely to get jealous over a sex worker than someone they could easily see as an emotional rival."

How does money make infidelity more acceptable?

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"At least men can visit sex workers.

I was wondering how long it would be before the obvious solution got a mention.

The oldest solution spawned the oldest profession.

The problem is that many men in our culture are hung up about paying for sex and a large tranche are too tight to pay for it.

Waiting for it to turn up as an uncomplicated freebie on here could be a good way of wasting one's remaining days!

A partner is less likely to get jealous over a sex worker than someone they could easily see as an emotional rival.

How does money make infidelity more acceptable?

I would assume because most sex workers wouldn’t have sex with the person for free hence they don’t find them attractive

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife. I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up.

Then you make the compromise and live with no sex. You cannot have the best of both worlds- no matter how much you justify it to yourself. Cheating without your partners knowledge proves you don’t actually love them

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"At least men can visit sex workers.

I was wondering how long it would be before the obvious solution got a mention.

The oldest solution spawned the oldest profession.

The problem is that many men in our culture are hung up about paying for sex and a large tranche are too tight to pay for it.

Waiting for it to turn up as an uncomplicated freebie on here could be a good way of wasting one's remaining days!

A partner is less likely to get jealous over a sex worker than someone they could easily see as an emotional rival.

How does money make infidelity more acceptable?

I would assume because most sex workers wouldn’t have sex with the person for free hence they don’t find them attractive "

Is the possibility of having feelings for someone else the problem rather than the physical sex bit?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does not if it breaks down just move on.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"In fairness sexless doesnt have to mean loveless.

I'm sure it's hard when one side loses interest in sex due to age or health related issues but I dint think the answer would be to seperate"

Maybe not BUT they’re cheating regardless of the justification.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife. I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up.

I don't think that's always the case.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"At least men can visit sex workers.

I was wondering how long it would be before the obvious solution got a mention.

The oldest solution spawned the oldest profession.

The problem is that many men in our culture are hung up about paying for sex and a large tranche are too tight to pay for it.

Waiting for it to turn up as an uncomplicated freebie on here could be a good way of wasting one's remaining days!

A partner is less likely to get jealous over a sex worker than someone they could easily see as an emotional rival.

How does money make infidelity more acceptable?

I would assume because most sex workers wouldn’t have sex with the person for free hence they don’t find them attractive

Is the possibility of having feelings for someone else the problem rather than the physical sex bit?"

Not a clue I wouldn’t have anything to do with anyone that cheats so no idea what motivates either party but I’m guessing their is no rival in someone that’s doing it for money. Can’t understand the pleasure either though knowing the person has to be paid to have sex with you but hey.

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

How does money make infidelity more acceptable?

It probably doesn't if the one indoors has other ideas on how it could have been spent!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

How does money make infidelity more acceptable?

It probably doesn't if the one indoors has other ideas on how it could have been spent! "

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife. I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up.

I don't think that's always the case. "

Really? So you can shag your way round fab knowing it would devastate your partner? Come home from meets having been inside someone else? Put their health at risk (as no sex is 100% safe) lie about your whereabouts? Spend money in pursuit of your own pleasure while still professing you love them? That’s not love in my opinion that’s convenience

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We were just chatting about this. A friend of ours has recently been widowed. She cared for her husband 24/7 for about 7 years before he died, he was a shell of the man she married in the last years. When he was at twice weekly respite she had a gentleman caller, no idea if they had sex but there was certainly an emotional connection. She demonstrated daily that she loved her husband and I can't imagine anyone with a shred of compassion or empathy would criticise her.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife. I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up.

I don't think that's always the case.

People have different ideas of what love is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The chances of you getting what you desire on here are very, very slim. It may just bring you more frustration. Id suggest trying clubs in the future as some do have specific events for older people. Your other option is to get divorced, find a new mate by other means and enjoy your life fully. Its all about weighing things up which I'm sure you've done already. Sex is very important to me and I couldn't go through life without it. Im very lucky I have the soul mate im married to.

Good luck

L x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In fairness sexless doesnt have to mean loveless.

I'm sure it's hard when one side loses interest in sex due to age or health related issues but I dint think the answer would be to seperate"

Agree totally.

The answer is to be honest to each other.

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By *inkywife1981Couple
over a year ago

A town near you

"We were just chatting about this. A friend of ours has recently been widowed. She cared for her husband 24/7 for about 7 years before he died, he was a shell of the man she married in the last years. When he was at twice weekly respite she had a gentleman caller, no idea if they had sex but there was certainly an emotional connection. She demonstrated daily that she loved her husband and I can't imagine anyone with a shred of compassion or empathy would criticise her. "

However if the roles were reversed and the husband had a lady call to the house he would be demonized.

I often have a chuckle at the dear Deirdre pages as the advice to those that confess to cheating differ based on their sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi OP

I am twice divorced and had numerous relationships which ended up not being right. I think I was to blame on some aspects but it does take two people to make a relationship work. If you are not happy and can get out, do. If you cannot for whatever reason then do what you have to, live your life. Covid is hard on everyone, you can be lonely in a marriage. I know I was.

I have had to rebuild my life and my home a few times.

People do sometimes judge, if they do move on. Most folk on here are understanding, non-judgemental and will lend an ear if you are struggling.

If someone labels you a cheat, would you really want to have any form of contact?

Have fun on the forums and you may click with someone.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife. I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up.

I don't think that's always the case.

People have different ideas of what love is.

Yes and the idea being that Both partners are in the know. Unless one is incapacitated and cannot understand you owe your partner honesty

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

I foresee a proverb in the making, involving the moral high ground and swinging sites!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I foresee a proverb in the making, involving the moral high ground and swinging sites!"

About honesty to loved ones?

What proverb is that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"At least men can visit sex workers.

I was wondering how long it would be before the obvious solution got a mention.

The oldest solution spawned the oldest profession.

The problem is that many men in our culture are hung up about paying for sex and a large tranche are too tight to pay for it.

Waiting for it to turn up as an uncomplicated freebie on here could be a good way of wasting one's remaining days!

A partner is less likely to get jealous over a sex worker than someone they could easily see as an emotional rival.

How does money make infidelity more acceptable?

I would assume because most sex workers wouldn’t have sex with the person for free hence they don’t find them attractive

Is the possibility of having feelings for someone else the problem rather than the physical sex bit?"

I am speaking only for myself and my own experiences here... but the problem I've had with married men in the past is their tendency to treat me like a free sex worker.

There's no contact except when they are free and they want sex. They can never go anywhere or do anything - most of them won't even pay for a hotel room in case the wife finds out - so it's always assumed he can just come to mine and I will be happy to immediately drop everything just because he can get away from his wife for an hour.

I try not to judge and I'm not interested in what goes on with other people's relationships. But for me personally, I'd rather meet a single guy where there can be some give or take, over a man who has to sneak around and needs everything on his terms.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

However if the roles were reversed and the husband had a lady call to the house he would be demonized.

I often have a chuckle at the dear Deirdre pages as the advice to those that confess to cheating differ based on their sex"

Not by us but we take your point.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife. I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up.

I don't think that's always the case.

People have different ideas of what love is.

Yes and the idea being that Both partners are in the know. Unless one is incapacitated and cannot understand you owe your partner honesty "

I don't disagree but others would and if its working for them it's not my concern.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I'm in the same situation. It seems like a lot of people won't meet married men,some have said they don't believe me when I say I'm here with my wife's full knoweledge & permission. As far as they're concerned I'm cheeting on my wife. I should add that we're still very much in love & after nearly forty years of marriage there's no way we'd split up.

I don't think that's always the case.

People have different ideas of what love is.

Yes and the idea being that Both partners are in the know. Unless one is incapacitated and cannot understand you owe your partner honesty

I don't disagree but others would and if its working for them it's not my concern. "

‘Working’ for who? The selfish person getting some on the side while their partner wastes their life when they could be with someone who respects them? Why would anyone turn a blind eye to that?

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I foresee a proverb in the making, involving the moral high ground and swinging sites!"

You’re saying women that like sex don’t have morals? Or can’t have morals? Therefore liking sex is somehow dirty? You’ve got lots of issues to unpack there mate

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By *lirty-CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Bexley

[Removed by poster at 17/01/21 16:33:59]

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Long as u telling people up front I see no problem if she knows! I'm sure u will find playmates when able to x

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By *he RingmasterMan
over a year ago

Canford Cliffs

All you men in sexleaa relationships- while you're complaining on here your wives/partners are doing exactly the same on the sex page on Mumsnet

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By *lirty-CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Bexley

A few years ago we came across a much older guy who we chatted to a lot over quite a few months. It turned out that his wife (whom he dearly loved) had gradually become more disabled over the years and he'd become her carer. We could tell how much he loved her but it was also clear that the caring was an enomorous loads for him to bear. We decided to meet socially and then met again for some soft safe fun and did so quite a few times. We don't feel at all guilty for this and do believe that the times we shared enabled him to carry on coping. Would he/she/they have been better off or happier had he told her or maybe just given up altogether and gone his own way? We'll never know. What we believe, though, is that our interactions with him, most of which were just chatting, played a big part in enabling him to carry on doing what he wanted to do whilst satisfying his own needs. When Covid came along we stopped seeing him but we do keep in touch and he's still caring for his wife who's sadly got worse to the point where he became her full time carer. Is he a better or worse person for meeting us? If he'd given up on his wife out of loneliness and frustration, she'd be in a care home or worse now. Would she feel more loved or getting better care there? Only those in the situation know for sure what's going on. The rest of us have to make reasoned judgements on the balance of probability and that's what we've done.

Life's like that.

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By *lovisMan
over a year ago

Twickenham

You have to look at how as men and women we are hard wired differently and not look so much at the concepts of relationships and monogamy.

Women are hard wired to find the best partner to breed with. Once she has reached the end of her breeding and nurturing years she doesn't need to have sex anymore unless it's for pleasure and if it hasn't been until then she is unlikely to particularly want to indulge

Men are hard wired to have sex but don't have that same physical end (menopause) which puts a dampener on our sex drive. As we get older and closer to death we are still driven with an urge to procreate and leave a legacy on the earth.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

"You have to look at how as men and women we are hard wired differently and not look so much at the concepts of relationships and monogamy.

Not entirely true of all I have never enjoyed sex as much as I have in recent years ! X

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By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

Going by the numbers of "Single" men in our area who only do either "Day time " or very very last "Minute" meets or the it might take some planning ....leads us to the conclusion that most aren't single but cheating but at least you are honest ..

and our last meet with a "Single" he informed us he was in a sort of relationship ??

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By *allyandJonCouple
over a year ago

manchester

We feel for people in a sexless relationship. Often came across them in swinging clubs and had a nice easy going social chat and if it felt right gave them pleasure and had sexy fun. It seemed to help they didn't want to leave their partner or have an affair but needed that sexy physical element which is understandable.

Guess its a non judgemental thing without getting too deep into it as swinging is meant to be fun and liberating.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

If I knew then what I learned after I left my husband I would have found myself a lovely younger lover, many years before I did.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"You have to look at how as men and women we are hard wired differently and not look so much at the concepts of relationships and monogamy.

Women have had their sexuality dampened down and controlled by society for hundreds of years. I recommend Sex at Dawn a book about human sexuality and desire.

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

"I foresee a proverb in the making, involving the moral high ground and swinging sites!

You’re saying women that like sex don’t have morals? Or can’t have morals? Therefore liking sex is somehow dirty? You’ve got lots of issues to unpack there mate "

I haven't said anything of the sort and you are pitching a question to me which is entirely of your own making.

I merely implied, and will stick with it, that there is a proverb involving swingers'sites and taking the moral high ground just waiting to be coined. Like many of my posts, it was tongue in cheek.

I didn't even mention anyone in particular and posted that comment as a fresh thought to the general discussion, not in response to any particular previous poster. I certainly didn't start getting on my moral high horse about the original post.

Heaven knows what 'issues' you are referring to, mate (not a form of address I usually use as it can sometimes appear confrontational).

Have a good evening.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"You have to look at how as men and women we are hard wired differently and not look so much at the concepts of relationships and monogamy.

Menopause does not necessarily dampen a womans libido although it can.

There are loads of other factors to take into account but some of them take talking about a lot of uncomfortable things to sort out and often one or both partner isn't prepared to make the effort and find it easier to just give up.

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By *ancelot1633Man
over a year ago

weybridge

Pretty much this. You will always come across people with different views on what is right and wrong in whatever you are trying to do. I say live and let live and everybody is entitled to their own opinions even if they don’t agree with mine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I foresee a proverb in the making, involving the moral high ground and swinging sites!

You’re saying women that like sex don’t have morals? Or can’t have morals? Therefore liking sex is somehow dirty? You’ve got lots of issues to unpack there mate

I haven't said anything of the sort and you are pitching a question to me which is entirely of your own making.

I merely implied, and will stick with it, that there is a proverb involving swingers'sites and taking the moral high ground just waiting to be coined. Like many of my posts, it was tongue in cheek.

Heaven knows what 'issues' you are referring to, mate (not a form of address I usually use as it can sometimes appear confrontational).

Have a good evening."

Still looking forward to the proverb that is being talked about.

Swinging and cheating? Not even in the same ball park. Are they?

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

[Removed by poster at 18/01/21 19:39:46]

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

Still looking forward to the proverb that is being talked about.

Swinging and cheating? Not even in the same ball park. Are they?"

Taking on responsibility for creating

something is not necessarily an obligation on the part of someone who foresees its possible future existence.

I am watching this space with as much interest as anyone else!

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

Swinging and cheating? Not even in the same ball park. Are they?"

I would at least have to see an analysis of a diverse cross section of profile statements on this site, before totally ruling out any such connection.

Maybe those who so wish could sign up to a statement of moral conformity. It shouldn't be a problem for them and could bring the added benefit of only getting messaged by people with similar principles (hopefully).

Meanwhile I will follow my hunch that there are all sorts of people in the swinging scene for all sorts of reasons, moral or immoral and all intermediate shades.

I could, of course, have got it horribly wrong!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This just shows the shades of grey in all this.

Some have mentioned the importance of trust. However, in most cases it's only been referred to in one direction - the one who's sought sex elsewhere.

I wonder about the thoughtfulness and compassion of the other person in the relationship in knowing that they don't want a physical intimate relationship but not allowing their partner that freedom? When they first committed there was trust to look after eachother's needs. Is it not a breach of trust to hold the other person in some sort of physical prison?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

This just shows the shades of grey in all this.

Some have mentioned the importance of trust. However, in most cases it's only been referred to in one direction - the one who's sought sex elsewhere.

There's an assumption that if one person in a relationship is unable or unwilling for any reason to continue having sex that the other person should stop having sex too. Why is that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This just shows the shades of grey in all this.

Some have mentioned the importance of trust. However, in most cases it's only been referred to in one direction - the one who's sought sex elsewhere.

There's an assumption that if one person in a relationship is unable or unwilling for any reason to continue having sex that the other person should stop having sex too. Why is that?"

That's a good comment x i don't know why some people think that x its not fair to even mention that x i certainly wouldn't stop if i was in that predicament and i wouldn't object to my partner if it was me who couldn't have sex anymore x i would be ok if she was getting it elsewhere x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

This just shows the shades of grey in all this.

Some have mentioned the importance of trust. However, in most cases it's only been referred to in one direction - the one who's sought sex elsewhere.

There's an assumption that if one person in a relationship is unable or unwilling for any reason to continue having sex that the other person should stop having sex too. Why is that?

Not everyone thinks that way though. If I stopped eating chocolate I wouldn't expect A to stop too

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Not that I'd ever stop eating chocolate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not that I'd ever stop eating chocolate

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have to look at how as men and women we are hard wired differently and not look so much at the concepts of relationships and monogamy.

Menopause does not necessarily dampen a womans libido although it can.

Jen has been through the menopause and her sexdrive is higher now than before.the ones who it dampens sometimes might not have had a high sexdrive before it anyway. Each womans journey through it is different.

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By *alsa58Woman
over a year ago

Greater London, Herts

"This is far more common than many realise and has been the case for centuries. Fab has both men and women in this situation, some of whom are open about it and others not.

There's no easy solution to this problem and those not in this situation should be slow to judge others who are.

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By *ancelot1633Man
over a year ago

weybridge

"Not that I'd ever stop eating chocolate

I broke out into a cold sweat at just the thought

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By *um6a9funMan
over a year ago

Messy End

Not all people in a sexless relationship are old, or unable to talk about the situation at hone to their partners. I’m sure I’m not the only one here, but unfortunately health issues at home have made sex almost impossible. We’ve discussed solutions, and I found my way back here. Sometimes people are too quick to judge. I hope he can find someone suitable, but only after I have!!

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

It's more likely that they just don't believe you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To many judgmental people on fab who don’t know other s situations I’ve had married women message me an ask my situation an when I’m honest they bin me off ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have had messages from men who say they are in sexless marriage but have wife’s permission to be on here when we point out that our profile says females must talk on phone they normally block us got permission my ass

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Not that I'd ever stop eating chocolate

I broke out into a cold sweat at just the thought

It's terrible to contemplate isn't it

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By *ancelot1633Man
over a year ago

weybridge

"Not that I'd ever stop eating chocolate

I broke out into a cold sweat at just the thought

It's terrible to contemplate isn't it

I’m trying not to x

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

This just shows the shades of grey in all this.

Some have mentioned the importance of trust. However, in most cases it's only been referred to in one direction - the one who's sought sex elsewhere.

There's an assumption that if one person in a relationship is unable or unwilling for any reason to continue having sex that the other person should stop having sex too. Why is that?"

Their isn’t .... the expectation is that you’re honest with your partner not getting extra on the side. Men that want quickies in their lunch hour in my experience tend not to be informing the wife of their extras. No one said they shouldn’t have sex ever again just be honest with your wife. If a man is being a cheating arsehole then why would I want to spend any time with him?

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

*there

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

This just shows the shades of grey in all this.

Some have mentioned the importance of trust. However, in most cases it's only been referred to in one direction - the one who's sought sex elsewhere.

There's an assumption that if one person in a relationship is unable or unwilling for any reason to continue having sex that the other person should stop having sex too. Why is that?

You're under no obligation to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was in a sexless marriage ,now separated and living as a sexless single

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Was in a sexless marriage ,now separated and living as a sexless single

That's always the risk.

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By *not123Couple
over a year ago

sp1

[Removed by poster at 19/01/21 21:51:42]

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"What about if you tried tried to explain to your partner how you feel and they don't take a blinde bit of notice then when you argue and say its not working they bugger off in a car and get d*unk threaten to kill themselves. You take them back but they don't change they carry on not putting any effort in hardly talk to you but too. Scared to end it because he may do what he threatened before so you find yourself feeling wanted by and some excitement.yes he could possibly find out but so far been nearly 3 yrs. Where we steal a few hours together probably once twice a month and text each other keeps me sane"

Sorry but staying with someone because they get d*unk and threaten to kill themselves isn't your problem it's emotional black mail and they know that.

Life's short and you need to be happy.

Tell the authorities of the threats and there family and friends and let them deal with them.

But we all make choices and if you want to stay then good luck

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By *not123Couple
over a year ago

sp1

Done that with his family his older kids and they begged me to stay with him work it out. So till I get the balls to walk away I get some happiness else where. Yes I know i need to grow some

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of men in this situation on here ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This just shows the shades of grey in all this.

Some have mentioned the importance of trust. However, in most cases it's only been referred to in one direction - the one who's sought sex elsewhere.

There's an assumption that if one person in a relationship is unable or unwilling for any reason to continue having sex that the other person should stop having sex too. Why is that?

Not everyone thinks that way though. If I stopped eating chocolate I wouldn't expect A to stop too"

As long as it is a decision made by both partners, well there is no issue.

But this thread is not about telling your partner, is it?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

This just shows the shades of grey in all this.

Some have mentioned the importance of trust. However, in most cases it's only been referred to in one direction - the one who's sought sex elsewhere.

There's an assumption that if one person in a relationship is unable or unwilling for any reason to continue having sex that the other person should stop having sex too. Why is that?

Not everyone thinks that way though. If I stopped eating chocolate I wouldn't expect A to stop too

As long as it is a decision made by both partners, well there is no issue.

But this thread is not about telling your partner, is it? "

No it isn't. I think this thread is about a lot of things. People's attitude to sex and love, ownership and control

of someone else's sexuality and love, people's expectations of relationships, honesty, trust, judgement, communication.

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By *ancelot1633Man
over a year ago

weybridge

This just shows the shades of grey in all this.

Some have mentioned the importance of trust. However, in most cases it's only been referred to in one direction - the one who's sought sex elsewhere.

There's an assumption that if one person in a relationship is unable or unwilling for any reason to continue having sex that the other person should stop having sex too. Why is that?

Not everyone thinks that way though. If I stopped eating chocolate I wouldn't expect A to stop too

As long as it is a decision made by both partners, well there is no issue.

But this thread is not about telling your partner, is it?

No it isn't. I think this thread is about a lot of things. People's attitude to sex and love, ownership and control

of someone else's sexuality and love, people's expectations of relationships, honesty, trust, judgement, communication. "

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By *armupartistMan
over a year ago

York

I am also an older man, married nearly 50 years. Our marriage became sexless soon after our children arrived. It put a huge strain on our relationship but I was reluctant to walk away from it as I wanted to be a good and involved dad. We became a good and strong partnership and derived emotional sustenance from our role as parents but the lack of physical connection killed anything that could be called love. We recognised that we needed help in this department but during counselling my wife made it clear that it "wouldn't matter to her if she never had sex again". Initially I concluded that I must be a useless partner (sexually) and sought further help/guidance but that guidance (plus lots of reading) didn't reveal anything I was doing wrong or not doing! It was also a subject which I couldn't get her to open up about. Eventually I concluded that If she didn't want sex I certainly didn't want her to do it out of some sort of sense of duty. We sustained the marriage through common interests and values and our commitment to family (eventually including grandchildren) but I confess I harboured a resentment that I had missed out on a sex life. The mould was broken during an unusual holiday which I took alone to fulfil a specific personal challenge. During the course of this I was staying in a hotel on my own and was befriended by a couple who invited me to eat with them a couple of nights and eventually invited me to 'share' their bed. They proved to be experienced swingers and given my circumstances at home it was a revelation. Amongst other things it gave me back my confidence as a 'lover' and I realised that I could evoke and satisfy sexual desire in a woman. After this experience I returned home determined to become part of the swinging community BUT I didn't want to do it without the consent of my wife. When I tried to talk about this desire I initially got no where but eventually it was sanctioned but with conditions, I promised that I would in no way embarrass her or our family, take no risks with my health and not fall in love! Also she said she'd prefer not want to know about it! The latter condition has proved to be very limiting and I still have a largely sexless life. But the few encounters I have had through Fab have been great and I feel grateful, privileged even to have discovered a community which celebrates the joy to be had in sex! It is not easy to make friends here as both my age and the distrust that some swingers have for married men playing on their own count against me. But thank you to those of who do not immediately assume we (married men) are cheats and (because of my age) past it.

Hey one advantage of my age, I have a date for my Covid jab!

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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago

Solihull and Brentwood

"I am also an older man, married nearly 50 years.

Hey one advantage of my age, I have a date for my Covid jab!"

Totally agree and almost the exact same situation, that happened to me.

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By *ancelot1633Man
over a year ago

weybridge

"I am also an older man, married nearly 50 years. Our marriage became sexless soon after our children arrived. It put a huge strain on our relationship but I was reluctant to walk away from it as I wanted to be a good and involved dad. We became a good and strong partnership and derived emotional sustenance from our role as parents but the lack of physical connection killed anything that could be called love. We recognised that we needed help in this department but during counselling my wife made it clear that it "wouldn't matter to her if she never had sex again". Initially I concluded that I must be a useless partner (sexually) and sought further help/guidance but that guidance (plus lots of reading) didn't reveal anything I was doing wrong or not doing! It was also a subject which I couldn't get her to open up about. Eventually I concluded that If she didn't want sex I certainly didn't want her to do it out of some sort of sense of duty. We sustained the marriage through common interests and values and our commitment to family (eventually including grandchildren) but I confess I harboured a resentment that I had missed out on a sex life. The mould was broken during an unusual holiday which I took alone to fulfil a specific personal challenge. During the course of this I was staying in a hotel on my own and was befriended by a couple who invited me to eat with them a couple of nights and eventually invited me to 'share' their bed. They proved to be experienced swingers and given my circumstances at home it was a revelation. Amongst other things it gave me back my confidence as a 'lover' and I realised that I could evoke and satisfy sexual desire in a woman. After this experience I returned home determined to become part of the swinging community BUT I didn't want to do it without the consent of my wife. When I tried to talk about this desire I initially got no where but eventually it was sanctioned but with conditions, I promised that I would in no way embarrass her or our family, take no risks with my health and not fall in love! Also she said she'd prefer not want to know about it! The latter condition has proved to be very limiting and I still have a largely sexless life. But the few encounters I have had through Fab have been great and I feel grateful, privileged even to have discovered a community which celebrates the joy to be had in sex! It is not easy to make friends here as both my age and the distrust that some swingers have for married men playing on their own count against me. But thank you to those of who do not immediately assume we (married men) are cheats and (because of my age) past it.

Hey one advantage of my age, I have a date for my Covid jab!"

Great post and one I can relate to hugely.

It’s a dilemma for sure when you have a happy marriage and family life but have to give up on something that is important to you, to maintain it, creating a level of unhappiness and even resentment by doing so.

It’s a shame it’s not like golf or tennis or lots of other sports and pastimes . No one thinks you should leave your wife if she doesn’t want to play tennis with you any more and she would have no qualms letting you play with someone else, but with sex, it’s taboo and difficult to even bring it up.

I’m sure there are other cultures that have a healthier approach to this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey one advantage of my age, I have a date for my Covid jab!

Great post and one I can relate to hugely.

I’m sure there are other cultures that have a healthier approach to this. "

Just our thoughts, if your wife didn't want to play golf or tennis, you would just calmly tell her that you will continue playing alone.

Same for sex really, that would be the healthier approach. She no longer wants to play and you just calmly discuss with her that you do, and will ensure that you will play discreetly and ensure her that your playing will not effect any other part of your relationship.

Now that sounds like a healthier approach to this. It always comes back to honesty between loved ones.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I’m sure there are other cultures that have a healthier approach to this. "

There might be one or two but not many. The thing is sex *isn't* like golf or tennis, there's much more expectation, emotion and cultural weight attached to sex.

We expect relationships to be sexual, we expect honesty, we expect fidelity but we rarely negotiate or even discuss those things at the start of a relationship let alone later on.

My opinion on this subject isn't popular but I believe that sexless relationships are the responsibility of both partners to resolve. It isn't down to the one who still wants sex to find a solution, it's a joint problem. I also think it's very unfair to expect someone to go without the intimacy and comfort that physical connection with a loved one can bring.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

But,I should add I don't condone deceit, I can just sort of understand how it gets to that point.

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By *ancelot1633Man
over a year ago

weybridge

"But,I should add I don't condone deceit, I can just sort of understand how it gets to that point."

I do agree with both your post and the previous one. I agree that my lovely wife would have no problem if I announced I was going to play golf with others, but also that sex isn’t golf, a few more balls, quite a few more holes and a whole load of actual and perceived relationship and trust expectations.

I would be/am afraid of what would break by just discussing/asking the question. I hope I can put on the big boy pants and bring it up soon but the downside is pretty huge and certainly worse than golf, tennis and other interests.

Actually I do like DIY but was hoping not to rely on it in my sex life as well.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"But,I should add I don't condone deceit, I can just sort of understand how it gets to that point.

Actually I do like DIY but was hoping not to rely on it in my sex life as well.

It's difficult isn't it. A woman friend of mine was having an affair and asked her husband for a divorce before he would agree to discuss the lack of sex within their marriage. They had some very difficult conversations and each had to hear some uncomfortable truths but stuck together eventually.

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By *ancelot1633Man
over a year ago

weybridge

Thanks for the encouragement. Nice people and Hastings are two of my favourite things xx

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

" sex isn’t golf, a few more balls, quite a few more holes ..."

But I'll tell you what, getting a hole in one is far more common on a first date than on the golf course!

Sorry to lower the tone of an increasingly thought provoking thread.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Thanks for the encouragement. Nice people and Hastings are two of my favourite things xx"

Lol, ours too

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