FabSwingers.com forum: Anal Pain

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just need some advice, I used a small metal butt plug on a lady, (barely bigger then a thumb) it was her first time with any kind of anal play, I was very slow and gentle, using ample lube. It was quite painful for her and trying to have sex with it in really hurt.

Now I have had anal with a few people and even taken toys ect myself , it was uncomfortable at first but pleasurable.

Should anal be painful or could this be a symptom of something worse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just need some advice, I used a small metal butt plug on a lady, (barely bigger then a thumb) it was her first time with any kind of anal play, I was very slow and gentle, using ample lube. It was quite painful for her and trying to have sex with it in really hurt.

Now I have had anal with a few people and even taken toys ect myself , it was uncomfortable at first but pleasurable.

Should anal be painful or could this be a symptom of something worse. "

It shouldn’t be painful.

If she bled; that potentially serious.

If not you’ve probably hurt the muscle. It takes time to relax even for something small. Lube is NOT a substitute for replacing the muscle.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Now I have had anal with a few people and even taken toys ect myself , it was uncomfortable at first but pleasurable.

Should anal be painful or could this be a symptom of something worse.

It shouldn’t be painful.

If she bled; that potentially serious.

If not you’ve probably hurt the muscle. It takes time to relax even for something small. Lube is NOT a substitute for replacing the muscle. "

There was no bleeding, and she was relaxed, which is what has puzzled me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now I have had anal with a few people and even taken toys ect myself , it was uncomfortable at first but pleasurable.

Should anal be painful or could this be a symptom of something worse. "

Always a bit more risk with something hard like metal or glass, try a small silicone anal trainer and work up. And make sure she's totally relaxed of course. If it's still painful then get it checked, could be something as simple as internal piles. Best of luck to you both!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Now I have had anal with a few people and even taken toys ect myself , it was uncomfortable at first but pleasurable.

Should anal be painful or could this be a symptom of something worse.

Cheers, think we might take a few days off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best to use a anal numbing lube which relaxes the muscles and numbs the splinter,i take fist but u need to relax and train your body that u realy do want it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now I have had anal with a few people and even taken toys ect myself , it was uncomfortable at first but pleasurable.

Should anal be painful or could this be a symptom of something worse.

It shouldn’t be painful.

If she bled; that potentially serious.

If not you’ve probably hurt the muscle. It takes time to relax even for something small. Lube is NOT a substitute for replacing the muscle.

There was no bleeding, and she was relaxed, which is what has puzzled me"

It’s one thing being relaxed in yourself but your sphincter may have other ideas

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Best to use a anal numbing lube which relaxes the muscles and numbs the splinter,i take fist but u need to relax and train your body that u realy do want it. "

OP, please don’t do this. If she’s having problems, the solution isn’t to numb the area, as this could mean she can’t feel damage being done. She’s also likely yo be more tense next time because it hurt this time. Try a training set starting with a very small plug, and make sure she’s very aroused and preferably had a few orgasms first - I find that helps to relax me enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe it's a subconscious mental thing for her. Are you sure she really wants to do it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Best to use a anal numbing lube which relaxes the muscles and numbs the splinter,i take fist but u need to relax and train your body that u realy do want it.

I second the ‘no’ to numbing creams.

Try a lubed finger but don’t try to push it in. Instead place it on her entrance and apply a little pressure. Let her use her muscles to push then relax against it. She’ll then slowly learn how to control her muscles and in turn how to relax them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/01/21 13:00:52]

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By *addyBabygirl2020Couple
over a year ago

norwich

Don't press it further. Anal is a state of mind, you have to want it.

She may have wanted to try it to either please you or just because she wanted to know what it was like. But however relaxed she seemed her head may have not been in it and it will always hurts.

Even for an experienced anal whore like my wife this applies. When she's gagging for it in the ass i can easily insert or second to biggest dildo which is bigger than my dick.

But if her head isn't quite in it even one of my fingers will hurt her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe it's a subconscious mental thing for her. Are you sure she really wants to do it?"

Sorry, so many typos in my first attempt

let’s try this again.....

And here’s the answer I was looking for

If she genuinely wants to continue trying then there are things you can try but please give it time and just remember that not everyone gets pleasure from this even if they wanted to try it in the beginning.

It’s just not pleasurable for some so please be prepared to accept that possibility and put it on the “we tried it” pile of experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op I tried to reply to you directly but you've blocked guys? Anyway you say you took it slow but how slow. Try this...and I do think a softer flexible vibe be better...use lots lube and start to insert the vibe and tell her to let you know when it starts to hurt. Then stop pushing but keep the vibe in place until she tells you the pain has gone. Then push a little bit more until it hurts her again, then stop, keep the vibe in place until her pain has gone. Keep repeating this stop start process until the vibe is in her. Be prepared for this to take a long time.. Up to an hour as her pain may come within a fraction of a second of you applying pressure. Don't be in hurry to 'fuck' her with the vibe. Just let her get used to it. Start with a very small finger sized vibe if you can. It will hurt her initially but keep doing this exercise and it won't be long before the pain is lessened and it takes less stops and starts to reach full penetration. Then start increasing the size of the object you are using. As her anal muscles get used to it, they will relax and her arse will be able to take insersions with less problems. I have tried this on myself and within a week I could take a cucumber up my arse with no problem. One word of caution... Her arsehole will close up tight again with lack of use. So if you don't have regular anal sex you will have to go through this opening up process again as her arse will tighten up and will be painful for her again. So dont assume because you have managed to fuck her arse one time that if you don't fuck her arse for a few weeks that you she can take your dick again with no problem.

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By *heelsmanMan
over a year ago

Staines

I second the ‘no’ to numbing creams.

Fully agree with this & will add that this works well, but can need to be done over a couple of weeks, first with one finger maybe for a few days, then if comfortable for her, 2 fingers etc. etc.

Everybody's body is different of course, so the time scale can be longer or shorter, but ultimately has always worked for me, with no complaints, rather the opposite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op I tried to reply to you directly but you've blocked guys? Anyway you say you took it slow but how slow. Try this...and I do think a softer flexible vibe be better...use lots lube and start to insert the vibe and tell her to let you know when it starts to hurt. Then stop pushing but keep the vibe in place until she tells you the pain has gone. Then push a little bit more until it hurts her again, then stop, keep the vibe in place until her pain has gone. Keep repeating this stop start process until the vibe is in her. Be prepared for this to take a long time.. Up to an hour as her pain may come within a fraction of a second of you applying pressure. Don't be in hurry to 'fuck' her with the vibe. Just let her get used to it. Start with a very small finger sized vibe if you can. It will hurt her initially but keep doing this exercise and it won't be long before the pain is lessened and it takes less stops and starts to reach full penetration. Then start increasing the size of the object you are using. As her anal muscles get used to it, they will relax and her arse will be able to take insersions with less problems. I have tried this on myself and within a week I could take a cucumber up my arse with no problem. One word of caution... Her arsehole will close up tight again with lack of use. So if you don't have regular anal sex you will have to go through this opening up process again as her arse will tighten up and will be painful for her again. So dont assume because you have managed to fuck her arse one time that if you don't fuck her arse for a few weeks that you she can take your dick again with no problem. "

Good tips there, but as others have noted, stay away from the numbing cream.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now I have had anal with a few people and even taken toys ect myself , it was uncomfortable at first but pleasurable.

Should anal be painful or could this be a symptom of something worse.

It shouldn’t be painful.

If she bled; that potentially serious.

If not you’ve probably hurt the muscle. It takes time to relax even for something small. Lube is NOT a substitute for replacing the muscle.

There was no bleeding, and she was relaxed, which is what has puzzled me

It’s one thing being relaxed in yourself but your sphincter may have other ideas

Exactly

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know not to use numbing lube, can be dodgy

She was the one who wanted to try it, there was no pushing from me, she bought the lube and the toys.

I think she was relaxed enough, I think there might be something wrong medically, I just wanted to know from others what their experience is with anal.

Still won't hurt for her to get the area checked out to make make sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So here's a tip, if she didn't like it just accept that as a no , like don't do it again

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So here's a tip, if she didn't like it just accept that as a no , like don't do it again "

Try reading the posts, I didn't push anyone into anything, this is something she wanted to try. If you can't answer the question asked try keeping your opinions to yourself

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By *mmixtapeCouple
over a year ago

middle earth

She sounds like me, I love anal stimulation love playing but anal hurts me a lot, and it's because I'm completely in my head about pooping on my partner even though im prepared and even if I did it's not the end of the world. But because I'm so caught up in that mind frame my body doesn't actually relax and makes everything hurt, I would suggest lots of external stimulation, getting my pussy eaten with a wand on my ass feels great and helps loosen the muscles, I relax with the pressure of something beside my ass and can almost trick myself into it. When it works it feels fab! Good luck to you op

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By *inksAPlentyCouple
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

Not necessarily anything wrong medically, as someone who loves anal, having sex with a butt plug/other toy in my arse sometimes hurts me. It also depends on the position too.

Also plug slightly bigger than your thumb could actually be quite big - especially for the first time.

You've had some great advice above, start small and take it slow and see what happens.

Ms x

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By *aulj69Man
over a year ago

dunstable

OP Great advice here, everyone is made slightly different, I can relate to both sides of this as being a bi guy, relaxation and plenty of lube is the best start but I have found that even shifting position can inadvertently tighten your sphincter muscle causing the toy to pop out, I find it hard to take more than an average cock in length but can take a fist?? As I said we are all different and practice makes perfect. Paul X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This happened to me the first time. The biggest challenge is to relax the anal muscles when an external object goes in. Even though I was consciously trying it, the muscles just contracted, like a reflex action.

This is what helped me. Instead of letting someone else do it, I started anal fingering myself. When it's your own body part, it's easy for you to relax. I applied lube and tried fingering myself. Though it clenched at first, I was able to relax it with some effort this time. After 2/3 times, I started getting mental control over the muscles. The next time I met my domme, I closed my eyes and focused on relaxing the muscles and it worked perfectly. That was my first pegging experience. Hope this helps. Only if the lady wants to try it again though. Some will not want to try again ever after first bad experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If at first you don't succeed...give up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be carefully not to be critical of poster. Was told to keep my opinions to myself than blocked, why ask in first place

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By *renzMan
over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

This might be a bit 'out there', but would it not be an idea for her to be pushing onto the object, stopping when it becomes uncomfortable? That way she can respond quicker to her body than having to tell you.

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple
over a year ago

Maidstone

I’ve had a few occasions where we’ve had a failed attempt but I do actually enjoy anal play normally. I definitely need to be relaxed and I can only relax if I know I’m ‘empty’, we then start with lubed fingers then moving into beads or a silicone plug before I can take his cock. Although, we have also enjoyed the occasional spontaneous bit of anal when the mood has taken us and I’ve created enough natural lubrication for him to slip in with ease. There’s always the initial ‘ouch’ but it’s gone in seconds before the tingly feeling of pleasure takes over.

OP, maybe invest in some beads, then your partner can start small and gradually go wider and deeper. Maybe she’d feel more comfortable if she douched beforehand too. And don’t forget to keep it moist.

Lou x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does she enjoy the anal tease??

If she does but finds penetration painful and she wants to go further I'd just tease kiss tickle rub. But leave her decided if she's turned on enough to push back. You can't rush it. Numbing lube it not good. I've seen you can get relaxing lube but never tried it

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

Sometimes the brain and body don't work together!

I've had times when I've thought I'm relaxed and wanted to do it but my body thinks otherwise so it's a bit painful and then the mental block kicks in and it continues to hurt.

Does she really want to do it or is she saying she wants to just to please you? I've agreed to things I don't want to do to please a man!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She needs to want it herself maybe doing anal with herself at her own speed would be a better training platform, most people can relax them selves far better then someone else can, even in a duo sex situation warming yourself up can really help

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

Another thought - I haven’t tried this myself but I’ve heard it recommended for the receiver to gently “push” as if going to the toilet as the giver/toy starts to enter, which is supposed to open the anus up a bit and make it easier. But like I say, I haven’t tried it so it’s not first-hand advice.

Oh, and it might sound obvious, but she needs to breathe through it. Nice deep, slow breaths will help to keep the body relaxed. But as others have said, the mind can be a funny thing and even though she wanted to do it and seemed to be relaxed, it only takes a little bit of doubt to make things tense up.

If she’s worried that there may be a medical problem, she should of course get it checked out, but if she has been ok since and hasn’t had any bleeding there probably isn’t anything to worry about. The first time I did anal, it really hurt during and it kept hurting for days after, including bleeding when I went to the toilet. I didn’t know enough at the time to know that wasn’t normal, so I didn’t get it checked out when I probably should have. So if in doubt, definitely check, but she probably shouldn’t be too worried.

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By *ir-spunk-alotMan
over a year ago

Southern England

Do not use anal numbing solution. She clearly wasnt relaxed and perhaps didnt enjoy it as much as you think.

She will be even more tense next time because of the experience.

My advice would be for her to try use a silicone butt plug on her own so she can go at her own pace if she wants too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Another thought - I haven’t tried this myself but I’ve heard it recommended for the receiver to gently “push” as if going to the toilet as the giver/toy starts to enter, which is supposed to open the anus up a bit and make it easier. But like I say, I haven’t tried it so it’s not first-hand advice.

This is pretty spot on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Best to use a anal numbing lube which relaxes the muscles and numbs the splinter,i take fist but u need to relax and train your body that u realy do want it. "

Splinter! maybe sphincter?

Also start with small dildo before butt plus, they do stretch a lot for a first timer. I started with 6 inch dildo and progressed with patent partner, not I can take butt plug or a thick cock no problem. Tasmin

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