FabSwingers.com forum: Being ruthless with your Friends List..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is there an acceptable level of 'ruthlessness' when it comes to your Friends List?

Since we joined, we have added people to ours who have been dead-keen to be added, swapped messages for a day or so, then gone quiet despite 'prodding'...

At what point do other members say.. 'BE GONE!' and hit the delete button??

Asking as we have three or four who we added very soon after starting to chat, then it's gone cold.. As most of our pics are private, there is always the nagging doubt in the mind that all they wanted in the first place was to perv over them, or they haven't messaged to say 'thanks but no thanks' (and yes we know all the arguments about not having time to do that, blah, blah, blah).

Your thoughts, fellow Fabbers...????? You know how we value your collective opinion.....

Pork

and Perky

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

Exact same thing has happend to me so now I'm being a tad more selective who I add and not so rapidly either. So your not the only one. I just delete them and nothing is ever said, so they musn't be very interested in the 1st place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I operate mine to double standards am afraid.

Forumites (which form by far the biggest part of it) stay there for good - unless they delete me of course.

We all have mates who we only see occasionally, but can easily pick up where we left off and there is no expectation of contact on a daily basis.

I see it as just an extension of that really.

BUT !

As regards prospective 'suitors' unless it is looking (to me) that a meet is likely anytime soon, then 'be gone'

I don't accept random friends requests when someone is online, but I do like receiving them so I can look at the private pics when they're offline.

If there is a few face pics in there, they could very well stay (at least until I've worked out if a meet is likely or not)

If there isn't any face pics, then it's an instant 'delete'

So in my case, there is very definately one rule for one set of people and one rule for another

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found this when I was new to the site - guys would ask for a friend invite after a quick chat and if I liked them I would accept. Then further down the line I realised just how many 'friends' I had on there who I hadn't heard from in ages (and wasn't really bothered about hearing from anyway)

So I culled my list and now I only have actual friends on the list.

If guys ask for a friend invite and I think I might want to meet them in the future I tell them that I will add them to my hotlist instead so I dont lose them.

If someone just wants to be my friend to look at my pics I would rather they just said 'please may i see your pics' which occasionally happens and I am usually happy to oblige

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I dont accept them that easily, but if someone show potential and I would like to get to know them more I will accept, if they then go quiet and are onsite everyday with not even a 'hi' they are gone within 3 weeks!

Harsh maybe, but my friends list is for that 'friends'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we only have people on our list that we actually know. we don't hear from most of them that often but then thats the same with most other friends

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

I wouldn't accept random invites, I hate that but I'm certainly going to be speaking to someone for a while longer or even meeting first before accepting an invite

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I dont accept them that easily, but if someone show potential and I would like to get to know them more I will accept, if they then go quiet and are onsite everyday with not even a 'hi' they are gone within 3 weeks!

Harsh maybe, but my friends list is for that 'friends'

Thanks foxy, that's the scenario we're getting - we NEVER respond to random, unsolicited FI's or to anyone who seems 'too keen' in wanting to become friends. It's the ones who do just what you say - online, day in, day out but never want o talk any more. We have messaged a couple to test the water and when we see the message has been deleted, they're history - AND blocked!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"we only have people on our list that we actually know. we don't hear from most of them that often but then thats the same with most other friends"

We're rapidly coming round to the same line of thinking......

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

"Is there an acceptable level of 'ruthlessness' when it comes to your Friends List?

At what point do other members say.. 'BE GONE!' and hit the delete button??

We are selective from the off, if someone sends an invite out of the blue without bothering to say why they want to add us via a quick message then the invite is binned and they are blocked

Or, in the case of the other night, we fell for the blanket 'hi great profile' message and invite trick...we replied saying thanks, then noticed it was only at that point (after our reply) that they actually viewed the profile..so they got blocked.

We were swapping messages with a well known couple from Fab recently, added them as friends, then we mentioned we didnt swing in the accepted sense..and they didnt bother replying again..so they got deleted and blocked.

Every now and then we have a 'cull'..we send out a friendly 'hi how are you' blah de blah 10 ish line message to people on our list..if they dont bother replying after a couple of weeks we just fuck them off and block them as they obviously are not interested in keeping in touch.

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By *orset manMan
over a year ago

Bournemouth

what is the point of friends?, I just dont understand- the other day a lady asked to be a friend , she did not even message me- I dont have private photos, nor does she- confused

My friends are friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We ask those we add to friends (to see face pics) to let us know within 48 hours if they are interested in meeting.. no response, then we remove them.

If no effort is made to actually made to make a meet happen within a month then we ask them if they actually want to meet and give them 48 hours to respond after reading our message.

Those who are real friends, we add and keep them there.

Everyone uses theirs differently.. but that's how we do it.

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

I only have people who I've met and would / have met repeatedly.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone. I think we'll have a 'policy' of our own which we make clear to new contacts in future - and stick to it. And if they don't - byeeeeeeeee....

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

I only have Matt Le Blanc and Jennifer Anniston on mine. Do you mean I can use it for something else?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we have got pretty ruthless now

no face pics we deleted unless we have seen in the flesh

if we message and no reply we delete

also deleted the ones that were too far away.

almost apart from a few we want to meet its people we have seen at clubs or met in person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I go through mine every now and again; anyone not been online for several weeks (unless I know why) is deleted, also those who chat to me but then stop

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does that work?

Surely they have to view your profile to send the original message

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How does that work?

Surely they have to view your profile to send the original message

We wondered that - think it maybe either a slow PC or slow internet connection and it's not refreshing too quickly, giving the appearance that they haven't read the profile. Or...... it could be that the 'viewer' is just opening the profile, cut n pasting the message and sending the invite before reading it.... Now the last option happens all the time - ask any single fem on here!

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By *orth West CoupleCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

"Is there an acceptable level of 'ruthlessness' when it comes to your Friends List?

Since we joined, we have added people to ours who have been dead-keen to be added, swapped messages for a day or so, then gone quiet despite 'prodding'...

At what point do other members say.. 'BE GONE!' and hit the delete button??

Your thoughts, fellow Fabbers...????? You know how we value your collective opinion.....

Pork

and Perky

We did I major cull on our friends list a few weeks ago....originally if we had met a person we added them to our friends list, but we decided anybody on our friends list who we have not heard from or been in contact with for 6 months got culled...nothing personal...just a tidy up

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

you can do it like that... for me I put the ball in their court a bit...

I don't accept unsolicited friends invites for reasons I explain in e-mail... and tell them that if they are interested get to know me.. and then I will happily do it...

funny enough most don't get back... they only want to look at the pics....

so my friends list is for those who I consider to be friends....

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By *lam rockerMan
over a year ago

Tain

have just cut my list from 30 to 25 people and removed the ones who neither speak nor read emails I've sent to them. Been on many other people's friends lists and they've removed me or me them. Those on my list are genuinely people I want to have fun with, rather than people who ogled at the pics and have gone by the wayside.

Friends are people you want to meet with or see or are friends with. I don't see the point of collecting people you have nowt in common with and who you will never meet.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"you can do it like that... for me I put the ball in their court a bit...

I don't accept unsolicited friends invites for reasons I explain in e-mail... and tell them that if they are interested get to know me.. and then I will happily do it...

funny enough most don't get back... they only want to look at the pics....

so my friends list is for those who I consider to be friends.... "

Thanks Fabio, we are very choosy about who we allow as friends and, as you do, we delete unsolicited invites without even looking at them (says in our prof that we will). The ones which really do annoy are those who we chat to for a short while, then add as friends as it has 'looked' like a meet in on the cards and then they go quiet on us, BUT..... carry on appearing on the 'looked at us' list almost everyday. One can only assume they are perving over our photos I suppose......

Oh well, back on the learning curve I suppose.

Pork

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

"I go through mine every now and again; anyone not been online for several weeks (unless I know why) is deleted, also those who chat to me but then stop"

Me too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Friends are people you want to meet with or see or are friends with. I don't see the point of collecting people you have nowt in common with and who you will never meet. "

GlamRocker - we keep a very small number of other members on our friends list who are exclusively those who we have corresponded with us privately off the back of topics in the forums, but even those are 'reviewed' on a regular basis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just had a long needed cull.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i had a couple send me an abusive message then block me because i politely told them i do not add people to my friends list until ive met them.

i only took this step as i found people just wanting to view pics and nothing more.

this couple got abusive,amde out i was this and that but they were the ones to send me the request and invited me lol.

some people eh lol

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

How does that work?

Surely they have to view your profile to send the original message

It could be a slow connection..but the message arrive a few hours before they popped up on our 'looked at me' list..

Maybe they used to option to stay anonymous when viewing..

But I reckon you last theory was right PerkyPork...they just opened as many as they could quickly, pasted the message, then sat back and waiting for bites on the hook..I dont think they read the profile because there message was littered with 'when' we meet 'hooking up' etc etc..even though our profile states we dont.

Its the thought that counts I guess

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll accept friends invites after chatting for a bit and I can see potential for a meet, and will leave guys on there that I still actively meet, however I'll delete if nothing has happened within a few weeks as you do get the ones that are never free and have more excuses than a kid who hasn't done his homework! If I've not met them/heard from them in a while I'll delete too as otherwise you just end up with more friends than on facebook.

As for random invites, I tend to do Bussy's trick too... if they have private pics, I'll wait till they're offline then accept and have a nosey. If there is potential I'll send a message, if there isn't I'll hit delete. Shallow maybe, but they're only sending an invite to have a look at mine! x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As for random invites, I tend to do Bussy's trick too... if they have private pics, I'll wait till they're offline then accept and have a nosey. If there is potential I'll send a message, if there isn't I'll hit delete. Shallow maybe, but they're only sending an invite to have a look at mine! x"

Sneaky, but clever

Have to try that one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our Friends list is for people we have met with and any others we add to hotlist or message Otherwise it gets too much .

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By *ont Ask Dont GetWoman
over a year ago

amersham

Almost never look at mine so don't really mind who's on it and who's not. Have deleted people a few times and then had one or two of them bleating about being deleted, so don't bother now!

Use my hotlist for people I have met and liked and those I might like to meet one day, so probably use that more like other people use their friends list?? At least it's private that way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Almost never look at mine so don't really mind who's on it and who's not. Have deleted people a few times and then had one or two of them bleating about being deleted, so don't bother now!

Use my hotlist for people I have met and liked and those I might like to meet one day, so probably use that more like other people use their friends list?? At least it's private that way"
totally agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Howabout not having one, this aint facebook.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Almost never look at mine so don't really mind who's on it and who's not. Have deleted people a few times and then had one or two of them bleating about being deleted, so don't bother now!

Use my hotlist for people I have met and liked and those I might like to meet one day, so probably use that more like other people use their friends list?? At least it's private that way"

Friends list is private too, unless you mean keeping tabs on profiles?

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By *ont Ask Dont GetWoman
over a year ago

amersham

"Friends list is private too, unless you mean keeping tabs on profiles?"

Oh, what I meant was people don't know if they're on your hotlist or not.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

Most of people on my friends list are people I have met socially or in a sexual situation...

There are a couple of potentials on mine but I am not overly active at the moment....

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