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Male Dom / female domme

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So! Here in lies a quandary which a mate is faced with and has reached out for some advice! as some may be aware of the bdsm ‘fraternity’ the Dom is / has a / a number of subs. Well my mates question here relates to the position of ownership over the sub and if another male Dom wanted to do something with a female sub, it’s frowned upon and not usually agreed. So........ what then happens if a bi curious sub is ‘sought’ by a female Domme to play! The question of ownership and commitment is still there but it seems to be an alternative rule for the female power play and is ok to go ahead! He is completely bamboozled in that he has arranged 2 bi meets with his curious sub and this has caused some friction ?? any help advice welcome. He’s aware he can’t offer that specific Dom / sub direction as a male but has seriously challenged the whole relationship !

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I admit that I struggled to fully understand your explanation, so I will offer up some general commentary.

A D/s relationship is based upon open and honest communication.

It is common for a submissive to only have a single Dominant role in their relationships, but may have several Tops (other Dominant figures that engage in BDSM and power exchange when playing but it ends once the meet ends).

It is possible for a sub to have more than one Dominant (not Top), but this is akin to Polyamory where all people in the D/s dynamic are aware of each other, have agreed limits and boundaries and where the concept of a primary partner (Dom) is either clearly understood or not a factor in the relationship.

It again is possible for a Dominant to have multiple submissive partners, those who have agreed to a D/s relationship and have engaged in an element of power exchange.

Similarly a Dom can have multiple play partners where they act in a submissive way during play (they bottom for the Dom) but outside of play there is no power exchange dynamic.

So in this instance if your friend has a D/s dynamic with a sub and another Dominant male wanted to play with the sub, it is up to our friend to determine if they feel the meeting between sub and Dom is beneficial to the sub or thr D/s relationship.

If it does go ahead, it would be a Top/bottom scene where the power exchange only exists in the scene and not outside of it.

This is the same regardless of if the potential play partner for your friends sub is a Dom or Domme.

For the most part many Doms/Dommes are unwilling to share their subs, but are happy to play with or have relationships with other subs.

Males subs tend to be happier playing with other Dominants where as female subs tend to be happy with their existing relationships.

It tends to be those subs who are not in a fully committed D/s relationship, i.e.: single people, who are happy to play with multiple Dominants. But again, these are generalisations.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

You mention he has arranged two bi meets which has caused friction.

This may he because the sub is unwilling to let the Dom play the “I’m Dom and so can fuck who I want” card, or it could be that the fantasy of bi play is just that, and any potential for it to be made reality isn't appealing.

Another thing to mention is that again generally Doms can be more sexualised in their play than Dommes who can be more service orientated.

If you could be more specific about the issue at hand it would male offering any advice easier

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for that I’ll pass it on to him as he raised it on a site he is part of but got quotes contract agreements and all sorts of jargon that didn’t make sense at all to him. Effectively the female sub (owned by male Dom) is being sort after by a female Dom

It’s pretty easy if another male Dom, he gets that. But your explanation re the top / bottom of a potential meet for the power play makes complete sense. Thank you ????

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

If a Domme is actively approaching the sub without speaking with the Dom first, then I would expect the sub to be directing the Domme to the Dom.

If the Dom and sub are happy for the sub to play with the Domme, either together or alone then that should be that.

If the sub wants to play with the Domme and the Dom isnt happy or vice versa then they need to work on their relationship.

Without knowing the site he is on, some “Doms/Dommes” will insist that a sub has to sign a contract with their Dominant partner.

The trouble is most real life D/s couples don’t work with contracts, and the reality is the contracts mean nothing because slavery is illegal.

But if they have a contract and it states certain rules and behaviours, one if which being linked to play partners, then they should be following or reviewing it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks have shown your response and has highlighted a few things that he was told ‘limited’ details by the sub. Think it will be a case of ensuring that all parties are in agreement / meet with consent.

Re the previous post, apparently the Dom had arranged 2 separate meets with bi fems to extend and explore further the subs bi curiosity. My god, who’d have known the complexities of such a BDSM relationship ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I admit that I struggled to fully understand your explanation, so I will offer up some general commentary.

A D/s relationship is based upon open and honest communication.

It is common for a submissive to only have a single Dominant role in their relationships, but may have several Tops (other Dominant figures that engage in BDSM and power exchange when playing but it ends once the meet ends).

It is possible for a sub to have more than one Dominant (not Top), but this is akin to Polyamory where all people in the D/s dynamic are aware of each other, have agreed limits and boundaries and where the concept of a primary partner (Dom) is either clearly understood or not a factor in the relationship.

It again is possible for a Dominant to have multiple submissive partners, those who have agreed to a D/s relationship and have engaged in an element of power exchange.

Similarly a Dom can have multiple play partners where they act in a submissive way during play (they bottom for the Dom) but outside of play there is no power exchange dynamic.

So in this instance if your friend has a D/s dynamic with a sub and another Dominant male wanted to play with the sub, it is up to our friend to determine if they feel the meeting between sub and Dom is beneficial to the sub or thr D/s relationship.

If it does go ahead, it would be a Top/bottom scene where the power exchange only exists in the scene and not outside of it.

This is the same regardless of if the potential play partner for your friends sub is a Dom or Domme.

For the most part many Doms/Dommes are unwilling to share their subs, but are happy to play with or have relationships with other subs.

Males subs tend to be happier playing with other Dominants where as female subs tend to be happy with their existing relationships.

It tends to be those subs who are not in a fully committed D/s relationship, i.e.: single people, who are happy to play with multiple Dominants. But again, these are generalisations.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I admit that I struggled to fully understand your explanation, so I will offer up some general commentary.

A D/s relationship is based upon open and honest communication.

It is common for a submissive to only have a single Dominant role in their relationships, but may have several Tops (other Dominant figures that engage in BDSM and power exchange when playing but it ends once the meet ends).

It is possible for a sub to have more than one Dominant (not Top), but this is akin to Polyamory where all people in the D/s dynamic are aware of each other, have agreed limits and boundaries and where the concept of a primary partner (Dom) is either clearly understood or not a factor in the relationship.

It again is possible for a Dominant to have multiple submissive partners, those who have agreed to a D/s relationship and have engaged in an element of power exchange.

Similarly a Dom can have multiple play partners where they act in a submissive way during play (they bottom for the Dom) but outside of play there is no power exchange dynamic.

So in this instance if your friend has a D/s dynamic with a sub and another Dominant male wanted to play with the sub, it is up to our friend to determine if they feel the meeting between sub and Dom is beneficial to the sub or thr D/s relationship.

If it does go ahead, it would be a Top/bottom scene where the power exchange only exists in the scene and not outside of it.

This is the same regardless of if the potential play partner for your friends sub is a Dom or Domme.

For the most part many Doms/Dommes are unwilling to share their subs, but are happy to play with or have relationships with other subs.

Males subs tend to be happier playing with other Dominants where as female subs tend to be happy with their existing relationships.

It tends to be those subs who are not in a fully committed D/s relationship, i.e.: single people, who are happy to play with multiple Dominants. But again, these are generalisations.

"

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"Thanks have shown your response and has highlighted a few things that he was told ‘limited’ details by the sub. Think it will be a case of ensuring that all parties are in agreement / meet with consent.

Re the previous post, apparently the Dom had arranged 2 separate meets with bi fems to extend and explore further the subs bi curiosity. My god, who’d have known the complexities of such a BDSM relationship ??"

BDSM isn't that complex in reality, its just like any other relationship, it takes a lot of communication. They can be open, poly, ethical non monogamous or monogamous. The main difference between a BDSsM relationship and a non BDSM relationship is the elements of power exchange.

One thing I would say is that if your friend has no interest in sharing his sub with a Domme, and the only reason for going ahead with it is because the sub wants to, then I would be advising him not to let it go ahead until such a time as both he and his sub agree and understand what the sub is looking to get out of it.

Its not about jealousy, its about the Dominant understanding what his sub needs and assisting in their growth and development. It may be that the Domme is more experienced in a particular play style the sub wants to experience , e.g.: whips, or they want to experience what its like to serve a female instead of play with a female sub.

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