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Preferences

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I recently watched a video about preferences and how some are considered 'toxic'. Thoughts?

Personally, I think everyone has a right to their own preferences.

Having said that, I'm a hairy guy BUT it's something I can change. I.e. shave or trim to suite whomever.

But I've been rejected on this multiple times.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What we're the reasons for considering some preferences "toxic"? It's a much used word nowadays isn't it

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

it seems very hard to think of a preference as toxic, could you give an example of one that could be considered in that way as I really just can't think of a preference that could be toxic.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"it seems very hard to think of a preference as toxic, could you give an example of one that could be considered in that way as I really just can't think of a preference that could be toxic."

The video is by bumble and can be found on YouTube for anyone interested. It mostly relates to preferences in race, height, weight etc...

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By *rMrs CumalotCouple
over a year ago

East Mids

Absolute joke! Surely preference is something that separates us all and keeps us all Unique...... that’s what makes us all great and interesting..... one reason we swing is to meet people outside what we consider normal

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By *evilandTheBeastCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough and Bedford

Are you trying to imply, OP, that just because we are on swingers website, we are not allowed sexual preferences? We're supposed to be attracted to everyone and anyone?

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By *nSeeNMan
over a year ago

Z'ha'dum

[Removed by poster at 19/09/20 11:26:21]

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By *nSeeNMan
over a year ago

Z'ha'dum


"Are you trying to imply, OP, that just because we are on swingers website, we are not allowed sexual preferences? We're supposed to be attracted to everyone and anyone? "

I don't think he's implying that all. You should read the entirety of what he's written before reacting.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

We all have preferences. I don't think you should change anything about yourself just to suit others either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have a preference of people not stereotyping someone because how they look. If there is something like that in their profile or chatting - we move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being bothered enough by the opinions of strangers, enough to change your appearance, that is the only thing that's toxic about preferences

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Being bothered enough by the opinions of strangers, enough to change your appearance, that is the only thing that's toxic about preferences"

And what if they can’t change their appearance? Like skin colour?

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Or height ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Being bothered enough by the opinions of strangers, enough to change your appearance, that is the only thing that's toxic about preferences

And what if they can’t change their appearance? Like skin colour? "

They shouldn't want to is my point!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Being bothered enough by the opinions of strangers, enough to change your appearance, that is the only thing that's toxic about preferences

And what if they can’t change their appearance? Like skin colour?

They shouldn't want to is my point! "

And some people still try to change things like that...

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By *addyBabygirl2020Couple
over a year ago

norwich

[Removed by poster at 19/09/20 13:27:35]

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By *addyBabygirl2020Couple
over a year ago

norwich

I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

"

How does not wanting to date someone because you find their skin colour unattractive NOT be racist?

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool


"I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

How does not wanting to date someone because you find their skin colour unattractive NOT be racist? "

Because it's not a choice. It's not rooted in hatred. I don't instantly hate all men with ripped abs but I'd never want to date them because that's not what I find attractive.

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By *aughty_builder87Man
over a year ago

Keston


"I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

How does not wanting to date someone because you find their skin colour unattractive NOT be racist? "

My preferences are all face related generally. If woman has the right facial features to what i Personally like it makes them more attractive to me. I generally search for white women as they generally have a higher probability of being a match to what im looking for.

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By *rMrs CumalotCouple
over a year ago

East Mids


"I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

How does not wanting to date someone because you find their skin colour unattractive NOT be racist? "

How does it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/09/20 16:09:05]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

How does not wanting to date someone because you find their skin colour unattractive NOT be racist?

How does it? "

Okay for those who need some help understanding that stereotyping and discriminating due to race is racism here is Oxfords dictionary definition of racism: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group.

Is there something I don’t know? How does reciting the words “sexual preference” negate the racism of being prejudice against someone based solely on the colour of their skin/descent?

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By *aughty_builder87Man
over a year ago

Keston


"I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

How does not wanting to date someone because you find their skin colour unattractive NOT be racist?

How does it?

Okay for those who need some help understanding that stereotyping and discriminating due to race is racism here is Oxfords dictionary definition of racism: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group.

Is there something I don’t know? How does reciting the words “sexual preference” negate the racism of being prejudice against someone based solely on the colour of their skin/descent?

"

Does this make white women who say black men only racist against white men?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

How does not wanting to date someone because you find their skin colour unattractive NOT be racist?

How does it?

Okay for those who need some help understanding that stereotyping and discriminating due to race is racism here is Oxfords dictionary definition of racism: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group.

Is there something I don’t know? How does reciting the words “sexual preference” negate the racism of being prejudice against someone based solely on the colour of their skin/descent?

Does this make white women who say black men only racist against white men?"

That’s an easy one - yes

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

toxic behaviour is what we need to watch out for... difficult to identify until you seen that person for afew times or easily spot whilst communicating... I avoid any demanding weird messages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

How does not wanting to date someone because you find their skin colour unattractive NOT be racist?

How does it?

Okay for those who need some help understanding that stereotyping and discriminating due to race is racism here is Oxfords dictionary definition of racism: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group.

Is there something I don’t know? How does reciting the words “sexual preference” negate the racism of being prejudice against someone based solely on the colour of their skin/descent?

"

Attraction has nothing to do with stereotyping... It's something you can't help... So if you don't find certain people attractive would you be discriminating against them in everything? No! Not fancying someone is not the same as not giving them a job or just being a shitty person to them, because of whatever makes them unattractive to you! I am not particularly attracted to people my own age or older... But I wouldn't discriminate against them in any other way, I just don't want to fuck them.... Because I don't find them attractive!

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool


"I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

How does not wanting to date someone because you find their skin colour unattractive NOT be racist?

How does it?

Okay for those who need some help understanding that stereotyping and discriminating due to race is racism here is Oxfords dictionary definition of racism: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group.

Is there something I don’t know? How does reciting the words “sexual preference” negate the racism of being prejudice against someone based solely on the colour of their skin/descent?

"

You're not discriminating against someone because you don't find them sexually attractive.

By your logic gay men would be discriminating against women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I was looking into this conundrum and it looks to even have a name “sexual racism” and the found an interesting piece of research from Thai et al (2019) entitled “ The “preference” paradox: Disclosing racial preferences in attraction is considered racist even by people who overtly claim it is not”

Here is the abstract

There is contention about whether having racial preferences in the domain of sexual attraction constitutes racism, or simply reflects benign partiality. Using a person perception paradigm, we investigated gay men's ratings of targets who disclosed racial preferences in a mock online dating profile. Across three experiments, we found that participants generally rated the target as more racist, less attractive, less dateable, and were less personally willing to have relations with him if he disclosed racial preferences than if he did not. Even participants who believed that having racial preferences is not racist consistently rated a target disclosing racial preferences as more racist, largely less dateable, and were less personally willing to have relations with him. For these participants, however, racial preference disclosure had no reliable effect on how physically attractive they found the target. Findings suggest that disclosing racial preferences in the domain of attraction is interpreted as reflecting racism, even by those who ostensibly believe that people can have non-racist racial preferences.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And then this research that finds racial prejudice in sexual preference is closely associated with general racist attitudes “which challenges the idea of racial attraction as solely a matter of personal preference”

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/279863184_Is_Sexual_Racism_Really_Racism_Distinguishing_Attitudes_Toward_Sexual_Racism_and_Generic_Racism_Among_Gay_and_Bisexual_Men

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So basically, you can wrap a turd of racism up in the cloak of “preferences” but it is still a turd. Oh and most people find it unattractive if you are a turd (ie racist)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because all research is correct and non biased eh?

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By *addyBabygirl2020Couple
over a year ago

norwich


"I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

How does not wanting to date someone because you find their skin colour unattractive NOT be racist? "

So is it also a problem for if someone is only attracted to people with dark hair?

Or maybe someone who prefers only larger men/women, and they now toxic for not fancying thiner people?

Not being attracted to a black person out of fear or hate is racist.

Not being attracted to a black person because the look of them doesn't excite that uncontrollable sexual desire is not.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

How does not wanting to date someone because you find their skin colour unattractive NOT be racist?

How does it?

Okay for those who need some help understanding that stereotyping and discriminating due to race is racism here is Oxfords dictionary definition of racism: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group.

Is there something I don’t know? How does reciting the words “sexual preference” negate the racism of being prejudice against someone based solely on the colour of their skin/descent?

Attraction has nothing to do with stereotyping... It's something you can't help... So if you don't find certain people attractive would you be discriminating against them in everything? No! Not fancying someone is not the same as not giving them a job or just being a shitty person to them, because of whatever makes them unattractive to you! I am not particularly attracted to people my own age or older... But I wouldn't discriminate against them in any other way, I just don't want to fuck them.... Because I don't find them attractive! "

Exactly this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So basically, you can wrap a turd of racism up in the cloak of “preferences” but it is still a turd. Oh and most people find it unattractive if you are a turd (ie racist) "

I don't care if someone calls me racist because I won't fuck someone that I'm not attracted to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I recently watched a video about preferences and how some are considered 'toxic'. Thoughts?

Personally, I think everyone has a right to their own preferences.

Having said that, I'm a hairy guy BUT it's something I can change. I.e. shave or trim to suite whomever.

But I've been rejected on this multiple times. "

Which preferences are considered toxic?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I recently watched a video about preferences and how some are considered 'toxic'. Thoughts?

Personally, I think everyone has a right to their own preferences.

Having said that, I'm a hairy guy BUT it's something I can change. I.e. shave or trim to suite whomever.

But I've been rejected on this multiple times.

Which preferences are considered toxic?"

If you check the first few posts I've already answered that question. Essentially, the reason I posted was because I watched a recent video by bumble regarding preferences.

I was fine with the video (kinda) but it suggested that white people avoid dating outside their race (and other such preferences) which I believe is completely untrue.

As a white guy, women from different ethic backgrounds mostly aren't interested in me. Yet the assumption that certain groups i.e. white men discriminate against other groups based on race rather than everyone just having 'preferences'.

Sorry for the long rant. I wanted to strike up a conversation regarding so-called toxic preferences to see what the community thought about it all.

But yes, some toxic preferences would be considered weight, race, height, religion etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I recently watched a video about preferences and how some are considered 'toxic'. Thoughts?

Personally, I think everyone has a right to their own preferences.

Having said that, I'm a hairy guy BUT it's something I can change. I.e. shave or trim to suite whomever.

But I've been rejected on this multiple times.

Which preferences are considered toxic?

If you check the first few posts I've already answered that question. Essentially, the reason I posted was because I watched a recent video by bumble regarding preferences.

I was fine with the video (kinda) but it suggested that white people avoid dating outside their race (and other such preferences) which I believe is completely untrue.

As a white guy, women from different ethic backgrounds mostly aren't interested in me. Yet the assumption that certain groups i.e. white men discriminate against other groups based on race rather than everyone just having 'preferences'.

Sorry for the long rant. I wanted to strike up a conversation regarding so-called toxic preferences to see what the community thought about it all.

But yes, some toxic preferences would be considered weight, race, height, religion etc. "

I don't understand why those preferences would be considered toxic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think calling personal preferences "Toxic" is dangerous ground really.

There's a complete difference from something like not wanting to date a black person because your are racist, and not wanting to date a black person because your just not attracted sexually to the look.

Just as there is nothing racist or toxic about a white person who is only attracted to black people.

If we start judging people because of preference, we risk pushing people in to feeling they have to go on dates with those they are not sexually attracted to out of fear of being marked as bigoted in some way

How does not wanting to date someone because you find their skin colour unattractive NOT be racist? "

I find extreme paleness unattractive. Perhaps because my ex was a redhead and that may have tainted my view.

On the other hand I often find black men extremely attractive. Not because of their colour but often because of their shape. Strong manly features. Facially and body wise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My time on fabs over the years I've seen this subject about 50 times, never ends well, no one can ever decide and always becomes heated

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham

Since we started swinging, I’ve become more open minded about what I find attractive, without getting too soppy about it, people’s personality comes first.

Come to think of it, swinging can sort out a lot of the worlds problems

Chris X

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Having personal interests is not toxic, though how I communicate them could be.

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By *ab jamesMan
over a year ago

ribble valley

I just think that sexy is sexy, whatever skin your in.

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