FabSwingers.com forum: drinking problem

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i know this as nothing to do with sex or swinging

i am married but now seperated from a lady that as drinking problem ie bottle red wine that we see her drink and bottle vodka she thinks we dont see in hand bag

over years i been to doctors with her when thinks have got too much for her , she aways said she would or could stop drink , would try cut down or hide it better for few weeks. Things came to a head about a month ago i told her to go !!! she is now living alone but i see or talk to her ever day, kids ( in 20s ) have no wish to see her. she say and i want to believe her shes not had a drink in 4 weeks can someone just stop without help? she as had shock of every one turning against her telling her to go!

What i have told her is if she ever as one more drink she never see me and probaly never see kids again

Can someone stop drinking without help?

she is not someone that will take help.

for me i cannot decide if i love her or juat feel sorry for her

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

I think without help, or a close support network, it's going to be extremely difficult to do it alone. Possibly impossible...

She needs a reason not to drink - if everyone deserts her - is there a point in giving up?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you ever need to talk m8 you know were we live been through this myself with my ex and she will never get better till she sits down and talks as somthing is wrong and thats why she is drinking dont blame yourself we have met a couple of times and we know your a decent hardworking lad

Richard & Jane

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

we have tried every one been nice and helpfull to her that as not worked

hoping shock of been on own works and stops her thinking nobody know she has problem, she is someone that will not take outside help, i have been to doctor with her and i made sure doctor new how much she drank , he was useless just said that more than you should drink no offer of help, she was not asking for help either to be fair on the doctor

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

contact cadas m8 they are realy good at giving advice on this

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

this is really sad. she will need help but will only recover if she accepts it and her condtion/addiction.

ive heard some awful stories about how ill can people can be before they stop.

i could go on but perhaps it isnt helpful.

you do whats right for you, you are responsible for you and the life choices you make and tell her the same - it might sink in x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/06/12 09:56:29]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad was an alcoholic it killed him in the end

He never gave up but then i dont think he ever really wanted to so all his trys was half hearted

I find it very hard to believe that someone living alone could give up drink without help, the lonelyness alone would make it hard, its a very difficult prosses to go thro and they need lots of support, packing up drink will make her pysically ill, you will see a difference in her, she will get a lot worse before she gets better as her body is clearing out, they tend to shake a lot in the early weeks, and vomit and sleep much more, a alcoholic coming off the drink will just look pysically ill for a while, if you havnt seen a pysical change in her for the worse id say she hasnt stopped drinking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i know this as nothing to do with sex or swinging

i am married but now seperated from a lady that as drinking problem ie bottle red wine that we see her drink and bottle vodka she thinks we dont see in hand bag

What i have told her is if she ever as one more drink she never see me and probaly never see kids again

Can someone stop drinking without help?

she is not someone that will take help.

for me i cannot decide if i love her or juat feel sorry for her"

Sorry to hear. Its a difficult one living with an addiction. If she has been drinking alot for a very long time then actually just quitting can be just as bad. I remember someone fitting coz they hadnt had a drink. She needs help and i would go to somewhere like addaction/ james kingham project etc what ever is in your area rather than the docs. Go somewhere that deals specifically with addictions. Problem is she will only be successful in giving up if she wants to. And she will need all the help and support from those around her. If she has no one i reakon she will just feel worse, depressed lonely etc which will lead to more drinking... Wats she got to lose if already lost everything?? Theres usually a reason why shes started and continued drinking. Was there a trigger? If your close and can talk try find out what shes thinking and why she does it. She needs help and counselling by sounds of it. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

another thing i would like to add

Remember noones perfect, if she tries and fall to the side the odd day and has a drink dont give up on her, unless you already have

Its like dieting, some days you may feel more hyungry than other so have a cream cake but that dont mean you have given up, just means you slipped for that day and will get back on it tomorrow

Stupid example i know but was the best i could think of off hand lol

life isnt black and white, some of us have to make a few mistakes before we get it right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"another thing i would like to add

Remember noones perfect, if she tries and fall to the side the odd day and has a drink dont give up on her, unless you already have

Its like dieting, some days you may feel more hyungry than other so have a cream cake but that dont mean you have given up, just means you slipped for that day and will get back on it tomorrow

Stupid example i know but was the best i could think of off hand lol

life isnt black and white, some of us have to make a few mistakes before we get it right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"another thing i would like to add

Remember noones perfect, if she tries and fall to the side the odd day and has a drink dont give up on her, unless you already have

Its like dieting, some days you may feel more hyungry than other so have a cream cake but that dont mean you have given up, just means you slipped for that day and will get back on it tomorrow

Stupid example i know but was the best i could think of off hand lol

life isnt black and white, some of us have to make a few mistakes before we get it right

"
we know the op on a personal level and hes not the kind of guy to give up on her completly hes just struggling to find the right kind of help but i have pointed him to the center that helped me a few years ago

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

It's difficult living and coping with someone who has an addiction. We have been there and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

The problem is that they have to want to give up and get help for themselves (not because of others) otherwise it won't be successful.

It is actually dangerous for an long term alcoholic to just completely stop drinking as the body goes into withdrawal. It is usually done slowly.

It's a long hard battle and there are bound to be slip ups along the way.

I really hope everything works for you and your family. xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"another thing i would like to add

Remember noones perfect, if she tries and fall to the side the odd day and has a drink dont give up on her, unless you already have

Its like dieting, some days you may feel more hyungry than other so have a cream cake but that dont mean you have given up, just means you slipped for that day and will get back on it tomorrow

Stupid example i know but was the best i could think of off hand lol

life isnt black and white, some of us have to make a few mistakes before we get it right

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i been trying to help her for several years , it just get worse i do believe it as to be her that wants help

just hope i can put up with wait

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/06/12 15:21:16]

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By *wfirsttimersCouple
over a year ago

kendal

"My dad was an alcoholic it killed him in the end

He never gave up but then i dont think he ever really wanted to so all his trys was half hearted

This by far the best advice on this post as far as noticing if they have come off the drink. My father was a raging alcoholic, fortunately for me he wanted to change, or felt he owed it to his family, or whatever. I was only 5 when he gave up. I remember going to see him a couple of times during his 6 month drying out period. It was near Weston super mare, that's why I remember it. Kind of felt like two short holidays! I was too young to understand the problem, but not too young to notice the change in him. So if your partner isn't showing any signs of 'cold turkey' then it's unlikely she's drying out completely. Definitely don't give up on her. But the harsh truth is, if she doesn't see herself having a problem then she's not ready for help.... Yet

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By *ap AdgeMan
over a year ago

Wirral

Its a horrible thing to deal with addiction have you saw a therapist and good nutrition will help too. And outside intrests. Too. Don't give up on her. Try one more time. She has to admit her drink problem to you and get proffensional help

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Remember alcohol is an addiction. An addiction is an illness. Can someone give up on their own. Yes. Is it likely? No.

If she has given up, she will need help and support to keep on giving up. If she hasnt given up she will need help and support. The thing is she needs to admit her problem.

I lived with a violent alcoholic for 4 years, he couldnt see he had a problem. I hope she gets the help she needs. The guy i lived with went for a good looking tall well built guy to a little shriveled old man who was dead at 50 from psrosis of the liver. But remember the liver can heal itself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my ex amd myself lost our son 4yrs ago this july,she took it relly bad and hit the bottle big time.it was only this january she said she needed help and she was an alcoholic.i have helped but maybe i should have done more,but she has not touched a drop since january and is getting better,she attends meetings and is i think turning the corner.you have to want help and realise you have a problem to help you get through the bad times, but with good friends and family they can.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i have not given up on her yet, just i know i am very near piont of giving up.

i am hoping shock of been on her own and on edge of loosing family etc, will make her admit there is a problem, i have tried lots of other things. we now at a piont where she says she as not had drink for 3 weeks, I just finding it hard to trust her, not sure if she as stopped or hiding it better, but i think she as stopped. She will not take outside help just say i can stop on my own. I know she is now sleeping badly and loosing wieght.

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By *umsuckMan
over a year ago

Gateshead

I am a recovering alcoholic,two and a half years sober now.After several failed attempts to quit by way of Home-dettox it took a lengthy spell in residential re-hab to finally learn to cope with life without alcohol and to conquer the inner demons that caused me to reach for a bottle at every slight setback in my life. Only one person can quit the drinking,and that's your friend but she needs professional help. I cannot stress enough how dangerous it is for an alcohol dependant to suddenly stop drinking.The withdrawals can be and often are fatal,you need medical assistance with a controlled Dettox

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am a recovering alcoholic,two and a half years sober now.After several failed attempts to quit by way of Home-dettox it took a lengthy spell in residential re-hab to finally learn to cope with life without alcohol and to conquer the inner demons that caused me to reach for a bottle at every slight setback in my life. Only one person can quit the drinking,and that's your friend but she needs professional help. I cannot stress enough how dangerous it is for an alcohol dependant to suddenly stop drinking.The withdrawals can be and often are fatal,you need medical assistance with a controlled Dettox"

Agree with the above this is a long and slow process and you will have to be prepared for her to fall of the wagon numerous times before she stop fully if ever, Also like stated i doubt she has stopped fully just like that because to be drinking for that long and that ammount it would probally make her very ill if not kill her, and also she will need help and lots of suuport from professionals aswell as friends and family.

If she worth it dont give up on her yet, but if she wont seek professional help to stop or wont stop then you will have to put up with it or leave her alone,

We have gone threw this with a family member he still drinks but finally getting professional help this has been going on for years.

Only he or she can stop and only if they want to

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By *umsuckMan
over a year ago

Gateshead

May have gave the wrong impression.A medical dettox isnt a particularly unpleasant experience. You feel a bit nausea and sleep a lot and only takes 3/5 days,other than those mild side effects its plain sailing. The point I was trying to make is the very real danger of doing it WITHOUT medical supervision. If the original op thinks I can help in any way they are more than welcome to contact me privately

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By *uriouscouple26Couple
over a year ago

longfield

maybe getting support for yourself too will be helpful, and also asking the GP to prescribed thiamine and vitamin b to help especially if she is not eating, but unfortunately its a waiting game, and until she is ready to change, things are not likely to change for you either, which is why you need to make sure you supported to keep well yourself xx its so nice to see that everyone has put such supportive comments, keep going you doing a great job even tho you might not feel it at times, xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OK ...deep breath .....i have a lot of experience with this and pretty much all the health professionals will tell you that the alcoholic usually has to reach total rock bottom ,before they can actually come to terms with what it actually means never to be able to have another drink again, and then decide to seek help and give up .So sometimes you just have to give up and walk away and let the person fall,however much you will be wanting to help . I wouldnt wish alcoholism on my worst enemy it destroys peoples lives in a very destructive way .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"maybe getting support for yourself too will be helpful, and also asking the GP to prescribed thiamine and vitamin b to help especially if she is not eating, but unfortunately its a waiting game, and until she is ready to change, things are not likely to change for you either, which is why you need to make sure you supported to keep well yourself xx its so nice to see that everyone has put such supportive comments, keep going you doing a great job even tho you might not feel it at times, xx "

Great advice ... you have to look after yourself ....There are lots of agencies out there to help for friends and relatives

some available 24/7 ..

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By *umsuckMan
over a year ago

Gateshead

"OK ...deep breath .....i have a lot of experience with this and pretty much all the health professionals will tell you that the alcoholic usually has to reach total rock bottom ,before they can actually come to terms with what it actually means never to be able to have another drink again, and then decide to seek help and give up .So sometimes you just have to give up and walk away and let the person fall,however much you will be wanting to help . I wouldnt wish alcoholism on my worst enemy it destroys peoples lives in a very destructive way ."
. I agree. I am one of the fortunate few who had a supportive family and friends who stuck by me during the dark times. I also had a very supportive GP who helped me in a way I cannot express,despite my resistance and denial at times.My rock bottom is not something I wish to discuss publically but until we hit it,well nobody will convince us we have a problem

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