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Sub/Dom

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hi all. This is the F. Can I please have some advice.

We have met a couple and played (soft swing) and get on really well.

Their M asked my OH if I can be Dom. It's something I wouldn't mind trying but have never done or seen it and don't want to make a fool of myself.

Any suggestions please?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best to learn first; there is a big difference between bossing someone around (as some see that's what being dominant is all about) and truly being dominant. And unless this person has experience or is a dominant, I would decline as there is too much you need to know first, like what the subs boundaries and limitations are etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Watch some dom fem porn to get an idea. Find the kind you like, there's a lot out there.

Chat to the bloke to see what he has in mind. Everyone has to start somewhere. He might just want something pretty tame like you tying him up and teasing him.

You'll find out if you like it or not and if you want to go further. I love it so I say give it a try.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Best to learn first; there is a big difference between bossing someone around (as some see that's what being dominant is all about) and truly being dominant. And unless this person has experience or is a dominant, I would decline as there is too much you need to know first, like what the subs boundaries and limitations are etc"

I agree. I avoid anyone that contacts me asking to be "bossed about" as there's a marked difference between that and being dominant.

I personally find some D/s porn silly, but they can give you an insight.

You both need to find out what your boundaries are and you enjoy it, not just doing it to please.

Relax, have fun and enjoy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Remember that any dominant/ submissive play should have an agreed 'safe' word, which if said by the sub - should stop all play immediately.

But being the dom, you can add this to the whole experience, by only revealing what the safe word is, just before the play starts, keeping your sub wondering.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Porn research!!!

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend


"Remember that any dominant/ submissive play should have an agreed 'safe' word, which if said by the sub - should stop all play immediately.

But being the dom, you can add this to the whole experience, by only revealing what the safe word is, just before the play starts, keeping your sub wondering."

To an extent I don't agree with this. I'm submissive to 2 men, and have never used a safe word with either of them. They are both close friends, and know me, know what boundaries are set in stone, and which ones to push. I've never needed a safe word.

But then I'll never submit to anyone that doesn't know me, and certainly wouldn't submit to a random person I'd played with once, in that situation, a safe word is probably needed, but then proper D/s play shouldn't really be undertaken in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i'd be carefull of any guys asking to be bossed about by the woman if your after NSA coz that sounds like they want a normal relationship haha

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By *abloBackMan
over a year ago

London

There is plenty of free bdsm fiction out there to help you research, check out the fiction and fantasies thread here too.

It's not about bossing around, it's about using your imagination in an erotic way to turn your partner on. I have found being a top (or Dom) mentally tiring but also extremely rewarding

Good luck

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By *luespartanMan
over a year ago

crawley

There are other sites that cater for this scene and theygive some really good advice

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By *abloBackMan
over a year ago

London

I could point you towards a few places that might help but I am blocked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Buy and read SM101 from amazon. It's the best intro anyone can have to the scene.

Also join fetlife.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Remember that any dominant/ submissive play should have an agreed 'safe' word, which if said by the sub - should stop all play immediately.

But being the dom, you can add this to the whole experience, by only revealing what the safe word is, just before the play starts, keeping your sub wondering."

teh wut? So you think revealing a safe word 1 minute before is different to 1 hour?

Good lord.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My advice would be get to some munches.. books are okay.. but your not a book.. You will do things differently.

You should know yourself if you can be dominant.. as its not something you can really fake.. you either can, or you cant.

Just be yourself.. but there is a big difference from being dominant to being bossy.

Talk to the person that wants you to be dominant, find out what they are looking for.. as its a big old spectrum out there.

Safewords.. Sub I believe should always pick the safeword.. as its them that has to use it.. and its often a good idea to have an amber and red safe word.. Amber means they want a word.. or a break.. Red means stop.

I personally dont have a safe word for my master but have one for every other playmate ( even though I dont do bdsm stuff with meets) just so I can let my Master know I want to stop sexually.

Good luck.

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi all. This is the F. Can I please have some advice.

We have met a couple and played (soft swing) and get on really well.

Their M asked my OH if I can be Dom. It's something I wouldn't mind trying but have never done or seen it and don't want to make a fool of myself.

Any suggestions please? "

You're either Dom or you're not. But anyone can be bossy! Worth looking at Fetlife first if you're really interested though.

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By *istress ValeporcaCouple
over a year ago

South Yorkshire

pmsl, too many people watch femdom porn and assume that's what Domination is, it's as fake as it comes. That's why Domme Mistresses get subs asking in e mails if you'll give them a bj..errr nope. If you want to do it you need to research it properly with trusted websites for information. You can buy books on the subject too. x

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough


"

Their M asked my OH if I can be Dom.

..............

Any suggestions please? "

.

The other M has obviously got a vision of what a Domme, a Dominant female, will look like, act like etc. He wishes to experience this, to be successful you need to find out this out and then roleplay the part. Ask him to send you links to online stories or videos that he thinks feature what he wants.

If however the idea of controlling a man (men) for YOUR pleasure appeals to you, you might really be a Domme. If so try reading some of these and see if they chime with you

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance by Mistress Lorelei

Female Domination by Elise Sutton

The Art of Sensual Female Dominance by Claudia Varrin

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller

How to be Kinky: A Beginner's Guide to BDSM by Morpheous

Sm 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

For a UK based website that is to BDSM what Fab is to swinging try

informedconsent

But a note of warning.

Being Kinky and swinging can be addictive

D

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

For what my opinions are worth :-

Dont do anything you are not 100% happy doing.

Read or watch what you want, but remember its about you and who you are playing with not labels and other peoples ideas of what domme and sub are / look like / behave like.

Do relax and have fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Buy and read SM101 from amazon. It's the best intro anyone can have to the scene.

Also join fetlife."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She is only looking into it as a possibility for a bit of fun with a friend. Surely it's a bit early to start joining fetlife and turning her front room into a dungeon?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"She is only looking into it as a possibility for a bit of fun with a friend. Surely it's a bit early to start joining fetlife and turning her front room into a dungeon? "
lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She is only looking into it as a possibility for a bit of fun with a friend. Surely it's a bit early to start joining fetlife and turning her front room into a dungeon? "

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By *eepsouthCouple
over a year ago

Bournemouth


"She is only looking into it as a possibility for a bit of fun with a friend. Surely it's a bit early to start joining fetlife and turning her front room into a dungeon? "

Could not agree more.

I have been submissive as long as I remember and now lived in a D/s relationship for 9 years.

This is our lifestyle not something we made up. However we keep these two lifestyles well apart, when swining we have sex with others and our D/s is something special between Master and me.

As the different between BDSM and for some guy to ask if you will take control in the bed room department is just a little fun and I would not take it to serious, anyone can give orders and make someone be underneath them.

It's not like he is asking you to take him to a fetish party and tie him up?

At this stage see what he likes and just experience it might not even be your cup of tea. Would not rush out to buy PVC outfits and crops just yet haha

Good luck email me if you wish to know more but think the last few answers are good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/06/12 08:27:23]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Best to learn first; there is a big difference between bossing someone around (as some see that's what being dominant is all about) and truly being dominant. And unless this person has experience or is a dominant, I would decline as there is too much you need to know first, like what the subs boundaries and limitations are etc

I agree. I avoid anyone that contacts me asking to be "bossed about" as there's a marked difference between that and being dominant.

I personally find some D/s porn silly, but they can give you an insight.

You both need to find out what your boundaries are and you enjoy it, not just doing it to please.

Relax, have fun and enjoy. "

Amen to that!

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