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Bad exp with couples, any advice would be great :)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

To cut a long story short, we are a happily married couple who have been on the scene for about 8yrs....we started off with the couple thing but have found that it hasn't worked out for me. Every male to the couple sadly has been a let down and i've been left feeling there is something wrong with me and have taken it quite personally. When it came to sex, the guy was either too busy worrying about what his partner was thinking or he couldnt keep his erection either due to excessive drink or maybe it was just me after all lol. As it happened so many times we decided to just stick with single guys but now that has caused a prob as my hubby is feeling left out. How do i get my confidence back to attempt the couple fun again?? I was only put off cos it happened too many times Sorry if im in the wrong section here but any advice would be greatfully received, i really would love to give it another go

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By *ue care and attentionWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

Hi. I used to be part of swinging couple on here and had the same problem. My partner picked the meets to start with and I went along with him. Unfortunately he got the better deal and they guys I met were usually older than the fem and either didn't want to wear condoms as it affected their erection or they just couldn't get hard.

I often left the meets frustrated while my partner filled his boots. It caused friction between us and we gave up on the couples thing. I'm not suggesting you do that of course. It just didn't work for us.

I think they tip here is to pick the couples together to make sure they are what you are both looking for.

If the men aren't able to perform, don't take it to heart and certainly don't blame your self. There are loads of reasons why it happens. As a tip, make sure your partner keeps you involved.

Good luck

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By *unterslickCouple
over a year ago

tullamore

as the male part of a couple i have to say,,why would the other male be ignoring you,,wasteful,,

but as my other half has just said,,maybe to get your confidence back up,,you need to take the lead,,and choose an experienced couple,,and chat for a good while before any meets take place,

we had an experience with a couple from here and wow,,enthusiasm for the scene,,both of us had a great time,,and enjoyed it entirely,,

talking is the best form of foreplay,,and setting lines,like so many drinks before the fun is always good lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi. I used to be part of swinging couple on here and had the same problem. My partner picked the meets to start with and I went along with him. Unfortunately he got the better deal and they guys I met were usually older than the fem and either didn't want to wear condoms as it affected their erection or they just couldn't get hard.

I often left the meets frustrated while my partner filled his boots. It caused friction between us and we gave up on the couples thing. I'm not suggesting you do that of course. It just didn't work for us.

I think they tip here is to pick the couples together to make sure they are what you are both looking for.

If the men aren't able to perform, don't take it to heart and certainly don't blame your self. There are loads of reasons why it happens. As a tip, make sure your partner keeps you involved.

Good luck "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To cut a long story short, we are a happily married couple who have been on the scene for about 8yrs....we started off with the couple thing but have found that it hasn't worked out for me. Every male to the couple sadly has been a let down and i've been left feeling there is something wrong with me and have taken it quite personally. When it came to sex, the guy was either too busy worrying about what his partner was thinking or he couldnt keep his erection either due to excessive drink or maybe it was just me after all lol. As it happened so many times we decided to just stick with single guys but now that has caused a prob as my hubby is feeling left out. How do i get my confidence back to attempt the couple fun again?? I was only put off cos it happened too many times Sorry if im in the wrong section here but any advice would be greatfully received, i really would love to give it another go "

Thats easy, just choose couples that arent really a proper couple but FB's that only meet occasionally. Not that im hinting or owt, nudge nudge, wiink wink lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

weve had this a few times, and it doesnt just happen with couples, but weve found that it is mainly nerves on the other males part, a repeat meet is usualy fine, so meet them again

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By *eminiman61Man
over a year ago

mansfield

However you sort things I hope you have fun fun fun

I think that's the best advice,pick the meet together whether it's a man/woman or cpl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we have only been on here for 5 weeks, my partner has done the single swinging, but since we have become a couple and doing couple swaps only, I can honestly say that everything has worked out so far. But although he does all the admin on here he never leaves me out and always asks what do i think, If i say to him mmmm not sure or no then he leaves it. Even if the women is stunning and wants to get his hands on her. We are an average looking couple but know what to do in the bedroom. I have myself had a problem with nerves and have had a few glasses of wine before hand, i guess it's different with us woman as we don't have to keep anything up lol. Please try again as we are not all bad and my partner never drinks on a swap night and pleasures his ladies to the full...... have fun...... PorkPerky !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"However you sort things I hope you have fun fun fun

I think that's the best advice,pick the meet together whether it's a man/woman or cpl "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/06/12 08:42:12]

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By *un_JuiceCouple
over a year ago

Nr Chester

Perhaps look to meet couples that don't want a wham bam. Plenty of flirting, foreplay. And communicate without pressurising that everyone's pleasure is equal and not biased to either the fems or the guys. Sometimes switching back to your own partners during and back to playfriend keeps the fire burning.

It's awful for decent couples having to carry the burden of those that spoil things. Be it one that tries to control or one that doesn't put in the effort. We're quite fortunate but then we ensure all are happy and what's on the agenda. Hope it works out x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

one on one meets can be a little intimidating/pressurised for some.Try a small house party, 2 or 3 couples, I'm betting you will get plenty of attention

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For a time dont swing spend time on each others needs and get back to being happy having just each other.. when things are normal and your both happy maybe meet a couple or go to a club and see .... just take your time. xx

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By *unterslickCouple
over a year ago

tullamore


"For a time dont swing spend time on each others needs and get back to being happy having just each other.. when things are normal and your both happy maybe meet a couple or go to a club and see .... just take your time. xx"

game,,you are a world of wisdom,,great advice there

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By *ub bbwWoman
over a year ago

oldbury

i have exactly the same situation i am part fo a couple now but getting frustrated with him "filling his boots and i seem to get nothing but criticism from the guys i had one guy tell me why would he want me when he had his girl who was mindblowing he just wanted to watch her get fucked by other guys, another who couldnt keep it up with a condom on and tried his best to do me bareback even when i pulled him up on it and many mor ethat have left me very unfulfilled.

It left me feeling cursed i kept thinking it was my size or my looks yet in actual fact it was them not me. Sir has now agreed we will concentrate on bi nights at clubs as that way we both get something without the pressure of a set meet. Clubs are a great place to meet people and has built my confidence up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To cut a long story short, we are a happily married couple who have been on the scene for about 8yrs....we started off with the couple thing but have found that it hasn't worked out for me. Every male to the couple sadly has been a let down and i've been left feeling there is something wrong with me and have taken it quite personally. When it came to sex, the guy was either too busy worrying about what his partner was thinking or he couldnt keep his erection either due to excessive drink or maybe it was just me after all lol. As it happened so many times we decided to just stick with single guys but now that has caused a prob as my hubby is feeling left out. How do i get my confidence back to attempt the couple fun again?? I was only put off cos it happened too many times Sorry if im in the wrong section here but any advice would be greatfully received, i really would love to give it another go "

As Perky has already stolen my thunder to some extent (I shall take that up with her later..... Lol!), I will just concentrate on the problem of guys not 'gettin wood' as they say in the US porn industry.

Being very blunt and undeniably callous about it, we are in the VERY fortunate position today of having a LOAD of treatments for all forms of erectile dysfuntion. In short, there is NO excuse for it, and imho as a male half of a swinging couple, you have a 'duty of care' (Ha!) to make sure you can perform for the fem of the other couple. In the last few years I have used both Kamagra obtained over the internet (dodgy I know..) and I now get genuine Viagra from the doc on prescription. My doc is FULLY aware that I am a swinger - has NO problem with it and is happy to prescribe the max number of tabs allowed under NHS rules. The reason is it saves HIM prescribing me anti-depressants!!!

I am much more 'clinical' about the questions I ask couples we chat to and meet to find out for certain that we are a 'match' on all levels - including his ability to keep Perky happy.

The trouble is, we are all at times, so over-keen to get meets, that we let horniness and lust get the better of us and we get into un-fulfilling situations - specially for the fem.

Please... don't let your experiences put you off. Maybe you need to take a step back and look realistically at how you pick the couples you meet. If E.D. has been a problem, then it is one of the first questions I would ask in chat/msn/on phone - get the potential problem out of the way as early as possible basically.

Also, if your guy is picking couples almost solely on whether he fancies the fem, and NOT taking YOUR needs into account, then the two of you need to have a really frank talk about it, don't you........??????

Pork

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

awww thanks guys for takin the time to reply i have had so many lovely messages on here and privately and it's makin me feel a bit better about things, I know that not all couples are the same as even the ones we have met have been lubbly jubbly, just seem to struggle in the you know what dept!! Not sure if it's too much drink or nerves or what but all i know is it knocked my confidence for six....my hubby would be there having the time of his life and i would be twiddlin my thumbs hahha......we are goin to start meeting peeps again and see how it goes. We love the social side too and have met the same couples over and over to make us feel at ease but i did get to the point where i was thinking "why am i even bothering?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Already plenty of good advice on this thread, but one extra... why not try soft swing, if the visitor can't get it up it's only his partner that misses out! 4 way foreplay can be a lot of fun, and if it develops to full swap that's just fine too....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure quite how to put this but here goes...Maybe you need to talk to your husband and reestablish your boundaries...no matter how gorgeous the woman is in any couple we meet, my partner would never just go off and fill his boots without constantly being aware of what is happening with me and if I was being made to feel how you were feeling he wouldn't hesitate to either change the dynamic or call a halt to things-our main aim is enjoyment for all and if anyone was feeling left out it just wouldn't feel right for either of us

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By *inkypervertMan
over a year ago

Durham


"guys ... didn't want to wear condoms as it affected their erection "

what a utterly lame excuse!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not sure quite how to put this but here goes...Maybe you need to talk to your husband and reestablish your boundaries...no matter how gorgeous the woman is in any couple we meet, my partner would never just go off and fill his boots without constantly being aware of what is happening with me and if I was being made to feel how you were feeling he wouldn't hesitate to either change the dynamic or call a halt to things-our main aim is enjoyment for all and if anyone was feeling left out it just wouldn't feel right for either of us "

+1 spot on!

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey


"Not sure quite how to put this but here goes...Maybe you need to talk to your husband and reestablish your boundaries...no matter how gorgeous the woman is in any couple we meet, my partner would never just go off and fill his boots without constantly being aware of what is happening with me and if I was being made to feel how you were feeling he wouldn't hesitate to either change the dynamic or call a halt to things-our main aim is enjoyment for all and if anyone was feeling left out it just wouldn't feel right for either of us

+1 spot on!"

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs


"To cut a long story short, we are a happily married couple who have been on the scene for about 8yrs....we started off with the couple thing but have found that it hasn't worked out for me. Every male to the couple sadly has been a let down and i've been left feeling there is something wrong with me and have taken it quite personally. When it came to sex, the guy was either too busy worrying about what his partner was thinking or he couldnt keep his erection either due to excessive drink or maybe it was just me after all lol. As it happened so many times we decided to just stick with single guys but now that has caused a prob as my hubby is feeling left out. How do i get my confidence back to attempt the couple fun again?? I was only put off cos it happened too many times Sorry if im in the wrong section here but any advice would be greatfully received, i really would love to give it another go "

First of all you're not alone in this and if there's one piece of advice it's to cut out the booze!

Secondly make sure that ALL parties are happy to play and don't go through with it if not.

Perhaps try seperate rooms.

I don't understand why hubby is feeling left out during your mmf parties, is it a case of first one plays then the other instead of all together.

You may have some other issues that need to be ironed out before you commit to meeting couples or singles again.

I can see this is affecting your confidence but don't forget there are other people involved and their actions should be questioned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lf yr ok with single girls why not try and get some single fems to join in on a party or something so yr fella can have fun too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most couples I've played with the woman always has the first and last say on who they meet, try you doing the picking and choosing for a couple of meets. xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

this also happened to us when we first joined the site..... as you said can hit your confidence hard and cause tension, we got around it by deciding together if we both liked the cpl, and i have been known to stop play if for some reason the guy i am with is just out for himself...... remember there is no contract when meeting ppl, if you are feeling uneasy or not happy then stop play. We tell ppl that we meet that we are prepared to do this if necessary, and would expect others to do the same....Its never caused a problem for us, and the few who have complained weren't worth worrying about anyway !!!

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"Not sure quite how to put this but here goes...Maybe you need to talk to your husband and reestablish your boundaries...no matter how gorgeous the woman is in any couple we meet, my partner would never just go off and fill his boots without constantly being aware of what is happening with me and if I was being made to feel how you were feeling he wouldn't hesitate to either change the dynamic or call a halt to things-our main aim is enjoyment for all and if anyone was feeling left out it just wouldn't feel right for either of us "

well said, communication is paramount tbh ..

you may want to take a break from playing and sort out the issue because no partner should be in the position where they feel left out for whatever reason..

or as Jo rightly says try soft play which can be pretty awesome..

good luck

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By *essesCouple
over a year ago

nottingham


"Not sure quite how to put this but here goes...Maybe you need to talk to your husband and reestablish your boundaries...no matter how gorgeous the woman is in any couple we meet, my partner would never just go off and fill his boots without constantly being aware of what is happening with me and if I was being made to feel how you were feeling he wouldn't hesitate to either change the dynamic or call a halt to things-our main aim is enjoyment for all and if anyone was feeling left out it just wouldn't feel right for either of us "

Totally agree x

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By *weetcorruptionCouple
over a year ago

At home

I found myself feeling let down

when myself and E met with a few other couples,I felt the male of the couple was just too keen to fuck me without foreplay ,im quite a new swinger and found this disheartening hence we have decided to concentrate on soft swap until my faith is restored with the right couple

I found this thread very informative as I thought I was the only one left feeling dissatisfied,S

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was invited by a friend to partner him to meet a couple that he is friends with. The couple were really nice but the male got really upset as he couldn't get hard, we came to the conclusion that he didn't like to play in the same room as his wife was playing in as up until then they had always played in separate rooms, maybe try doing that?

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs

[Removed by poster at 23/06/12 09:28:23]

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs


"guys ... didn't want to wear condoms as it affected their erection

what a utterly lame excuse!!!"

You may think it's a lame excuse but remember some condoms are designed to delay, that mixed with other factors could easily cause this so but that doesn't make your statement valid

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