FabSwingers.com forum: Narcissistic behaviour

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Genuine question, at what point do you concede that someone’s narcissistic and take yourself out the equation?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As soon as you realise whats going on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As soon as you realise whats going on. "

Never ever thought I’d find myself in this quandary, but the signs are definitely there...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had an awful meet in Edinburgh once and it just creepers me out, I had lunch and I kept thinking how do I get out of this, as we were near the gardens he said he needed to go to the gents, I smiled and said OK, he went in to the gents and I ran literally ran never looked back got lost in the crowds it was truly awful...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As soon as you realise whats going on.

Never ever thought I’d find myself in this quandary, but the signs are definitely there... "

What are the signs?

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"Genuine question, at what point do you concede that someone’s narcissistic and take yourself out the equation?

The moment they start using words like me and I.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if something does feel right then it isn't. Took me 14 years to realise i wasn't the problem

In terms of fab meets, as you as you feel it....run. just like the lady above did.

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By *ichaelsmyMan
over a year ago

douglas

seems the common theme is to watch the forums to understand a person

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By *apiomanMan
over a year ago

Shipley

The world is full of them. Unfortunately they seem to do well in life, both Fab and generally. Particularly politics!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As soon as you realise whats going on.

Never ever thought I’d find myself in this quandary, but the signs are definitely there... "

Then you definitely need to get out of it before their behaviour escalates or it'll destroy you over time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As soon as you realise whats going on.

Never ever thought I’d find myself in this quandary, but the signs are definitely there...

Then you definitely need to get out of it before their behaviour escalates or it'll destroy you over time. "

Thought as much, but didn’t expect to face this quandary!! That’s what’s stunned me the most. But me being me I’m not afraid to seek another opinion.! Thanks all!

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"As soon as you realise whats going on.

Never ever thought I’d find myself in this quandary, but the signs are definitely there...

What are the signs?"

Daffodil earrings

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As soon as you realise whats going on.

Never ever thought I’d find myself in this quandary, but the signs are definitely there...

What are the signs?

Daffodil earrings"

Oh! In both ears or just one lol.

You’ve got to laugh at these interesting tests ...

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Genuine question, at what point do you concede that someone’s narcissistic and take yourself out the equation?

I don't think I'm qualified to diagnose someone with a personality disorder but if someone is treating me badly or things just don't feel right I'll walk away sooner rather than later

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Trust your instincts and flee

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if something does feel right then it isn't. Took me 14 years to realise i wasn't the problem

In terms of fab meets, as you as you feel it....run. just like the lady above did. "

Wow. There’s probably a really powerful and upsetting story behind that!

Sadly I think narcissistic behaviour is far more common than is generally thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When it’s far too bloody late!

That’s the trouble with narcissists. They’re charismatic and oh so good at drawing people in.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"When it’s far too bloody late!

That’s the trouble with narcissists. They’re charismatic and oh so good at drawing people in."

Mmhm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As soon as you realise whats going on.

Never ever thought I’d find myself in this quandary, but the signs are definitely there...

What are the signs?

Daffodil earrings"

I see what you did there

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By *aria_dreamgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

stockport

Hate people who have inflated egos

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By *arksxMan
over a year ago

Leicester / London

"Genuine question, at what point do you concede that someone’s narcissistic and take yourself out the equation?

After you have spoken to the person in question about their behaviour.

Narcissism get banded around the (Internet) and pop psych like some interchangeable catch all description and terrible disease like it means they must be murder.

If the other persons recognises or can at least see your point of view thats a bridge.

The problem is to many people on both sides of these conversations usually lack the emotional intelligence to have a rational conversation about how they feel on both sides.

That said if they are a massive bellend and have ego the size of football pitch.

Sack em off early doors... Ego maniacs and self reflection seldom go hand in hand

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Genuine question, at what point do you concede that someone’s narcissistic and take yourself out the equation?

After you have spoken to the person in question about their behaviour.

Narcissism get banded around the (Internet) and pop psych like some interchangeable catch all description and terrible disease like it means they must be murder.

If the other persons recognises or can at least see your point of view thats a bridge.

The problem is to many people on both sides of these conversations usually lack the emotional intelligence to have a rational conversation about how they feel on both sides.

That said if they are a massive bellend and have ego the size of football pitch.

Sack em off early doors... Ego maniacs and self reflection seldom go hand in hand"

Step one with anyone is to try to resolve conflict quietly. Whether they're willing to do that speaks volumes and is prescriptive as to how you should proceed.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"The world is full of them. Unfortunately they seem to do well in life, both Fab and generally. Particularly politics! "

So true, problem with our society we focus on “good leadership” and cult of personality but pay no attention to good followship. Bad followeers create very bad leaders - our pm is a prime example serial liar, cheat and kids all over the place by different women and he gets the vote of bad followers. Good leaders serve and given authority, they rarely need to take it or fight hard for it.

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By *oober698Man
over a year ago

Lincoln

Before its too late. My ex is at her wits end and ready to end her life over it. Her ex and two children are confirmed narcissists and have whittled away at her until she has lost all respect for herself, and all who love her pushed away. We have tried and got her help but its affecting her to the point she can take no more. Its sad to see someone destroyed mentally because of this behaviour.

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"Genuine question, at what point do you concede that someone’s narcissistic and take yourself out the equation?

Quickly , narcissistic behaviour is very damaging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When it’s far too bloody late!

That’s the trouble with narcissists. They’re charismatic and oh so good at drawing people in."

Spot on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Immediately, if not sooner. The longer you stay, the harder it will be. The only way is to cut contact totally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Genuine question, at what point do you concede that someone’s narcissistic and take yourself out the equation?

Get out asap...its not like a normal person you can reason with, They will give you 100 reasons to stay and love bomb the hell out of you, but giving in to a narc only empowers them x hope you sorted this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Genuine question, at what point do you concede that someone’s narcissistic and take yourself out the equation?

If you have to ask this question!

Trust your gut, I stayed with a narc for years because I believed all the bad things he said about me. I wish the minute my gut told me it wasn't right I had walked away x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Genuine question, at what point do you concede that someone’s narcissistic and take yourself out the equation?

In short when you realise they have decided their needs are more important than yours.

The fact that you asked the question reveals that in truth you know the answer to the question but don't know what to do about it.

If you stay then your going to be his or her bitch. Until s/he is bored of you.

If you leave. You at least acknowledge your own worth, which a narcissist won't allow to happen without resistance.

They will lie, bully manipulate, or even manipulate those around you in order to keep you from knowing your own worth.

The real question is are you a lover or just property. Because to a narsasist. Your just property. If you're a lover. Step out and be a lover.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Genuine question, at what point do you concede that someone’s narcissistic and take yourself out the equation?

In short when you realise they have decided their needs are more important than yours.

The fact that you asked the question reveals that in truth you know the answer to the question but don't know what to do about it.

If you stay then your going to be his or her bitch. Until s/he is bored of you.

If you leave. You at least acknowledge your own worth, which a narcissist won't allow to happen without resistance.

They will lie, bully manipulate, or even manipulate those around you in order to keep you from knowing your own worth.

The real question is are you a lover or just property. Because to a narsasist. Your just property. If you're a lover. Step out and be a lover. "

Well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the majority of them appear to be on this TikTok app. Has anyone else seen it? It’s absolutely awful! It has to be the worst ‘social media’ site.

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By *moothman2000Man
over a year ago

Leicestershire

The lies are ridiculous as well.

After a while they don't add up and they tell so many that they actually seem to believe them.

Losing control of your money, isolation from friends and family and being made to believe that everything is your fault are all standard tricks.

Funniest thing is that they all think they are unique as well. All of them.

The advice I wish I'd been given would be "get rid and take back control of your life', so I pass that on to you with my best intentions.

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By *oistknickersCouple
over a year ago

London

"The world is full of them. Unfortunately they seem to do well in life, both Fab and generally. Particularly politics! "

Especially politics and business it’s part of the human make up but definitely best avoided.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're asking the question then you need to get out.

Ex was a true narc, headworker, misogynist abuser, sociopath.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Narcissists love chaos they will make chaos so then they have to fix it and become the hero!

They always have to win even though they are clearly wrong! You need to grey rock a narcissist!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

" Narcissists love chaos they will make chaos so then they have to fix it and become the hero!

They always have to win even though they are clearly wrong! You need to grey rock a narcissist! "

So true

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It doesn't require you to reach a diagnosis and there are other types of motivation and behaviours that others have that could be wrong for you. If it's inappropriate or unhealthy, then it could be time to take time out.

It can be better to think rationally, so that we get a fuller understanding of what's going on between us and another. In the moment, if someone is attractive but relationship dynamics are in play, it may be tough to get a clear perspective.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did they do something wrong?

Was it somehow your fault?

Are you showered in love and worshipped until you do something "wrong"

Have they ever said sorry for anything?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Genuine question, at what point do you concede that someone’s narcissistic and take yourself out the equation?

I don't think I'm qualified to diagnose someone with a personality disorder but if someone is treating me badly or things just don't feel right I'll walk away sooner rather than later"

absolutely!! And I think the phrase is over used. Hard to assess during a one night stand.

If anything you stand to benefit from being there at the beginning of the narc behaviour cycle. The first step being (typically) love bombing and the pretend interest in your beliefs and interests.

You are connected, even through the smoke and mirrors!

Not every bad lover or selfish fuck boy (person) is a narc and vice versa.

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By *urrey Dave 69Man
over a year ago

Epsom, Surrey

A lot of ladies on Fabswingers can come across as being narcissist but they are reacting to the behaviour of the men who contact them and in fact they can actually be quite insecure. This is a sex site where single men greatly outnumber single woman so the ladies get bombarded with compliments and praise which can give the ladies the confidence to react in ways they wouldn't do normally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of ladies on Fabswingers can come across as being narcissist but they are reacting to the behaviour of the men who contact them and in fact they can actually be quite insecure. This is a sex site where single men greatly outnumber single woman so the ladies get bombarded with compliments and praise which can give the ladies the confidence to react in ways they wouldn't do normally. "

I think you need to check out the meaning of the word narcissist.

Narcissist dont like themselves, or have confidence

Quite the opposite

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By *ishygirlWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

This is why I prefer to get to know someone better first before I look to arrange a meet. If the vibe isn’t right from speaking to them virtually, I’ve found it isn’t when you meet in reality.

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By *urrey Dave 69Man
over a year ago

Epsom, Surrey

" I think you need to check out the meaning of the word narcissist.

Here is a definition

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance. It involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I don't consider someone narcissistic unless they display extreme examples of the aforementioned traits. What I do know is some behaviour isn't healthy/acceptable for me and if that happens a few times, I'll leave. I think people, even with the best will in the world, can be rather self centred day to day. If it becomes solely about the other person and you're there as/when suits them, it's not worth it. If they manipulate you, again not worth it. I wouldn't leap to narcissism though.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

It’s estimated that 10 percent to 13 percent of the world's population* suffer from some form of personality disorder, of which there are many differing types of personality disorder.

What makes us, the average joe, experts in what constitutes a specific disorder?

Unless you work in mental health I’d be wary of branding someone with a label unless I had more to back up my claims than reading a few articles on “red flags”.

Because that is doing a massive disservice to those that work within Mental Health.

People are complicated, and it takes more than a list of “what to look out for” to get to the bottom of their inner workings.

Yes there are traits, just like there are traits (for example) for autism, ADHD etc. But ask any medical professional and they will tell you that just because you have “X” it doesn’t follow you are “Y”. There are differences, and they have received the necessary training to look for them.

To become a psychiatrist you need to complete a five-year degree in medicine, recognised by the General Medical Council and a two-year foundation programme of general training. Three years of core training in psychiatry.

Their use of a list to look for traits is fine, they know their onions, they know the subtle nuances to look for. The average Joe does not.

(*as at 2018)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's a good point, Luna.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thing is, this site, like many others is a perfect storm for narcissistic behaviour. It’s characterised by exaggerated feelings of self importance, grandiose exhibitionism and an excessive need for admiration. Not doing social media myself for that exact reason. It’s completely venomous. X

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By *orthcoupleCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"It’s estimated that 10 percent to 13 percent of the world's population* suffer from some form of personality disorder, of which there are many differing types of personality disorder.

What makes us, the average joe, experts in what constitutes a specific disorder?

Unless you work in mental health I’d be wary of branding someone with a label unless I had more to back up my claims than reading a few articles on “red flags”.

Because that is doing a massive disservice to those that work within Mental Health.

People are complicated, and it takes more than a list of “what to look out for” to get to the bottom of their inner workings.

Their use of a list to look for traits is fine, they know their onions, they know the subtle nuances to look for. The average Joe does not.

(*as at 2018)

Psychiatrists, beside all the training you mention, also need a book.

This book is written by other psychiatrists, it has no science or evidence base whatsoever, it changes over editions and is based on the opinions of the writers and changes in society.

It gives diagnosis.

If that happened in any other field of medicine there would be an outcry.

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