FabSwingers.com forum: Hassle of meeting a married guy

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok here goes

After having met with someone recently and not knowing the full details of his life we had a little fun and went our separate ways.

Then after a couple of weeks i start getting txts from a new saying "Hi this is **** phone broken etc and can we meet again like a fool i txted back thinking it was the guy i met saying i was busy and wouldnt be able to for a mo a few more txts then asking for a picture (which i thought was strange) as he knew what i looked like already.

Sent a message back saying dont contact me until you have your phone working again as i dont know who this is.

10 mins later i get the dreaded txt "found your number/name in my husbands phone 19yrs marriage and 3 kids and want to know whats been going on behind my back" I know i should have worked it out beforehand but this time i didnt and now have a woman who i fell sorry for as its not nice being cheated on and even worse when i could be the one responsible for them breaking up.

He has told his wife im just a number from the back of a lads mag and nothing ever went on between us but she has asked if i'm on the game and being quite nasty about being a home wrecker.

The question is to my fellow forumites is this ?

1 Should i have told her the truth and possibly cause an even bigger argument ?

2 Should i have lied (something i really dont like doing)to possibly help him out of a bad situation ?

3 Should i delete my profile and leave the site in case she has now gotten access to his account trying to arrange a meet where i would be met with an angry wife and possibly her mates ?

Yes i have blocked his account and have even got rid of my old number for fear of being contacted by him or his wife

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

He's blocked and no longer has your number - forget it -his marriage has nothing to do with you. Z

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By *heekygeordieguyMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

At the end of the day, your the innocent party in this, you dont need the hassle. He has to sort out the crap he has caused, not you.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I had similar, although she texted me from his phone so I thought it weas him. I had no idea he was married so not my problem. I ignored her text and never heard from either of them again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi ohh my this is tricky, I think if this was me I would just be honest! It's tricky as you don't always know what peoples history is and what may lie in the corner.

If this happend to me I would just be honest, and explain to that person that I was not aware that the male or female was married or attached and say how sorry I am and how they must feel.

As a rule I would never see anyone on here that was attached or involved in any way. If I was however to play with someone who was involved and got found out I would have to admit I was in the wrong too. But if you are not aware of someone's personal cirecumstances then you are not at fault. You were clearly was not aware of this persons circumstances and therefor not at fault. I think being honest is the best policy here.

Andy

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

"He's blocked and no longer has your number - forget it -his marriage has nothing to do with you. Z"

I completely agree forget about it but what an idiot!!

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By *njamesMan
over a year ago

Swindon

"Ok here goes

After having met with someone recently and not knowing the full details of his life we had a little fun and went our separate ways.

Sent a message back saying dont contact me until you have your phone working again as i dont know who this is.

He has told his wife im just a number from the back of a lads mag and nothing ever went on between us but she has asked if i'm on the game and being quite nasty about being a home wrecker.

The question is to my fellow forumites is this ?

1 Should i have told her the truth and possibly cause an even bigger argument ?

2 Should i have lied (something i really dont like doing)to possibly help him out of a bad situation ?

3 Should i delete my profile and leave the site in case she has now gotten access to his account trying to arrange a meet where i would be met with an angry wife and possibly her mates ?

Yes i have blocked his account and have even got rid of my old number for fear of being contacted by him or his wife

xx "

Under the circumstances given, I would have probably told the truth.

Harsh I know, but you have done nothing wrong.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

She only knows what she gets from him, from this point forwards, and her focus will largely be on him.

She doesn't know you, who you are, where you live etc, and no longer has your number for access to you. And his profile no longer has access to yours, should she or him try to. So you're kind of set free from further problems, and can relax.

Consider it one of life's lessons, and maybe a lucky escape, as you could have revealed more, given her your address and arranged to meet, thinking it was him who was texting etc.

I've had similar experiences, and now never give out anything that could be either incriminating, or identify me via texts, after having a wife scream and shout cos her husband was interested in me. I don't set out to help anyone cheat on their partner, as it's potentially a minefield for them, but we only know what a potential meet tells them, so it could happen to anyone of us again.

Maybe chat with a friend about it, so that you can let off any steam that you need to - unless you're already pretty chilled.

Take care and good luck! Sophie

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

do whatever you feel is best for your conscience.... if you had known he was married, would it have changed your decisions at all?

maybe the fact be didn't even have to guts/balls to tell you he was married says all that really needs to be said..... I don't see why you should bail him out of his differculties...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was put in the same situation years ago, out having dinner and my phone went, I answered it thinking it may be my babysitter. It was a woman asking if I was with her husband? she had found my name and number on a bit of paper he had left lying about, she mentioned his name and it was who I was with ....... I handed him my mobile, said "it's for you" then went to collect my coat.

On my return, I took my mobile back, left him sitting open mouthed at the table and drove myself home.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

if she asked how you knew her husband, I would have answered 'on a swingers site' and left it there.

I don't believe you should lie but I believe you shouldn't go further into it.

good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't meet men with mobiles - it's safer !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldnt say anything.

Its his problem, no need for you to feel bad at all.

He was the married one who was lying.

If you liked him, then maybe just tell his wife, that you are just a friend or something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if she asked how you knew her husband, I would have answered 'on a swingers site' and left it there.

I don't believe you should lie but I believe you shouldn't go further into it.

good luck"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not your cheating = not your guilt

If I find out a guy is married or in a relationship and the partner doesn't know about his swinging I immediately block.

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By *ncMan
over a year ago

Dudley

He's not a swinger, he's a cheat. He wasn't honest with his wife and he wasn't honest with you. You did nothing wrong, he did. Hopefully his wife will have his balls for earrings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The fact is e ergo e here has answered your question in away I aggrre with, my add on to this is he chose to come on to a swingers site and lie and con the swinging community that's a big no no. I am a married man but would never think of lying to people on any site like this the wife needs to know and agree or join in, that stupid t--t deserves all he gets. I would have told her all then asked her to join lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with what everyone else has said. He is in the wrong, not you. Makes me laugh when 'the wife' starts blaming the woman. Oh yes... because her husband was totally innocent, the mean nasty ady seduced him and as much as he tried to resist he couldn't...!!!!

Hope you're ok. Watch out for weird messages from people on here in case it's her but don't let it bother you too much. x

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I agree with what everyone else has said. He is in the wrong, not you. Makes me laugh when 'the wife' starts blaming the woman. Oh yes... because her husband was totally innocent, the mean nasty ady seduced him and as much as he tried to resist he couldn't...!!!!

Hope you're ok. Watch out for weird messages from people on here in case it's her but don't let it bother you too much. x"

That always amazes me too that the cheated nearly always blames the third party. It makes it easier for them to "forgive" and take them back if they can blame someone else.

Happened to me on a dating site years ago. The wife phoned me, asked who I was then hung up. Phoned me to say her husband explained he'd always wanted to fuck a black woman and I was easy but when it came down to it he couldn't do it.

So I told her how her husband liked it dirty, how he liked to lick my arse and have me piss in his mouth. She said I was lying...until I described his "lucky" underwear and the distinctive tattoo on his arse!

She left me alone after that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From the sounds of it you didn't knowingly meet a married man. I certainly wouldn't lie for him and would have told his wife I had no idea she existed. As for her asking if you're on the game...don't take it personally as she is hurting and probably is trying to understand/rationalise what has happened (plus if she's questioning you then it sounds like she doesn't believe his story!).

Blocking and deleting etc is probably the best action you can take...just distance yourself from him and their relationship. It's not your problem, and you have done nothing wrong. I wouldn't delete your profile as you have now blocked him, but maybe change your user name and some details so you can't be found as easily if he does search for you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree- this is not your problem, so I would just block, delete and move on. You say that you are 'responsible'... This is totally untrue, as the man involved is. And soon his wife will also realise this. Yes, the situation is disastrous... But it's not your disaster to deal with x

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By *llie RoseWoman
over a year ago

By the seaside

By the very fact that she was suspicious enough to txt your number to find out who you were, I would say that there were already problems and the likelyhood was you weren't the only one.

It is unfortunate there are a lot of people on here who have amnesia about a spouse/partner when they complete their profile

Chalk it up to experience and get on with having fun.

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs

"Hi ohh my this is tricky, I think if this was me I would just be honest! It's tricky as you don't always know what peoples history is and what may lie in the corner.

If this happend to me I would just be honest, and explain to that person that I was not aware that the male or female was married or attached and say how sorry I am and how they must feel.

Andy "

No need to appologies, that indicates you are accepting a level of responsibility.

She should Move on and don't worry about it.

Know one knows the full truth about any couple OR single here.

Next we'll be expecting copies of birth certificates and testimonials signed and witnessed.

You trust the best way you can with the information available.

It's not like the OP is having an affair with the guy and knows his history

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok here goes

After having met with someone recently and not knowing the full details of his life we had a little fun and went our separate ways.

Sent a message back saying dont contact me until you have your phone working again as i dont know who this is.

He has told his wife im just a number from the back of a lads mag and nothing ever went on between us but she has asked if i'm on the game and being quite nasty about being a home wrecker.

The question is to my fellow forumites is this ?

1 Should i have told her the truth and possibly cause an even bigger argument ?

2 Should i have lied (something i really dont like doing)to possibly help him out of a bad situation ?

3 Should i delete my profile and leave the site in case she has now gotten access to his account trying to arrange a meet where i would be met with an angry wife and possibly her mates ?

Yes i have blocked his account and have even got rid of my old number for fear of being contacted by him or his wife

xx "

In your situation I would have probably lied and told him you were simply a sex phone line operator, who indulged mens fantasies of meeting for illicit sex over the phone.

Not as much to save his skin as to diminish the likelihood of her bothering to chase you down, as you've done nothing wrong whatsoever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

she's coming for you... go into hiding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"she's coming for you... go into hiding"

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By *azmissy67Woman
over a year ago

welshpool area

this is something that has happened to me twice - both times understood that the guys were single. It's a very scary thing especially as i am genuinely single and dont have a man to 'back me up ' as it were and a woman scorned is something not to be dismissed out of hand. I would rather a man was honest so any strange texts etc can be treated with a certain amount of suspicion. I may have been the innocent party but you can be sure i was to blame !!

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By *obsrocketMan
over a year ago

Loughborough

In answer to you questions I would advise this

1 Should i have told her the truth and possibly cause an even bigger argument ?

personally If he is cheating on his wife whilst on a swingers site yes tell her its probably not the first time he has cheated on her.

2 Should i have lied (something i really dont like doing)to possibly help him out of a bad situation ?

Why lie to defend a cheat, My ex wife's first husband cheated on his first wife, when his second marraige failed through cheating my ex approached her, was very honest and was able to discover he had been cheating for years, even when he was married to my ex, he has now cheated on his 3rd wife. My ex and her first husbands first wife are now good friends. By being honest you could be doing her a favour.

3 Should i delete my profile and leave the site in case she has now gotten access to his account trying to arrange a meet where i would be met with an angry wife and possibly her mates ?

Do not delete you profile you have nothing to hide, he joined a swingers site and has also cheated you as he never made it clear he was married.

I can only advise if you know a guy is married and he says his wife knows he plays away ask to speak to the wife, if he refuses he's a cheat. If I am meeting a married woman I always like to speak to the husband first before meeting, probably because I'm useless in a fight and just know hubby would be a 6ft tall ex boxer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was put in the same situation years ago, out having dinner and my phone went, I answered it thinking it may be my babysitter. It was a woman asking if I was with her husband? she had found my name and number on a bit of paper he had left lying about, she mentioned his name and it was who I was with ....... I handed him my mobile, said "it's for you" then went to collect my coat.

On my return, I took my mobile back, left him sitting open mouthed at the table and drove myself home. "

You handled that amazingly well!

I bet the guy didn't know what the hell to do once you walked out and left him having to go home to face the wife!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I prefer not to meet married men but it has happened. I now always ask in an early message exchange and then again if we get to the point of speaking. Those that get uppity with me about it don't get very far. It is not about judging them but about preference and choice.

I trust people until they prove to be otherwise because that is who I am. That doesn't mean I don't take precautions, just as you would for safe sex, so I always ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe you are the innocent party as you were completely unaware and he is the one to blame so it shouldn't really concern you as it's not your fault!

good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had something similar some time ago - which is why I will never, ever bring a swinger contact to my home again or let them know where I live...

If you're the innocent party, then never apologise - that's something that somebody else has to do...

Never, ever lie about it - that just compounds the wrong...

If she does contact you again, just calmly say: "I'll tell you the truth, and all of it, if you want to know - but I won't tell you unless you ask." And stick to that - then she has to be the one to make that decision, as is her right....

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By *njamesMan
over a year ago

Swindon

"this is something that has happened to me twice - both times understood that the guys were single. It's a very scary thing especially as i am genuinely single and dont have a man to 'back me up ' as it were and a woman scorned is something not to be dismissed out of hand. I would rather a man was honest so any strange texts etc can be treated with a certain amount of suspicion. I may have been the innocent party but you can be sure i was to blame !!"
.

Sounds like you had no idea x

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By *njamesMan
over a year ago

Swindon

"I had something similar some time ago - which is why I will never, ever bring a swinger contact to my home again or let them know where I live...

If you're the innocent party, then never apologise - that's something that somebody else has to do...

Never, ever lie about it - that just compounds the wrong...

I totally agree, best thing to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He's blocked and no longer has your number - forget it -his marriage has nothing to do with you. Z"

i agree.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

""found your number/name in my husbands phone 19yrs marriage and 3 kids and want to know whats been going on behind my back" "

At this point you understandably feel for the wife, but you must come first. If you feel intimidated at all, just do as you did and leave it alone.

If you don't feel intimidated and you feel for her situation, then I would keep it simple. With just one text.

Feel sorry for your situation he has lied to us both, told me he was single, this should answer some of your questions as it is your husbands profile on the site he uses!

http://www.fabswingers.com/profile/(fill in the blanks with his profile)

I'd leave it there so she can find her own answers.

"I could be the one responsible for them breaking up. "

NO! No no no no you are not! He is!

"1 Should i have told her the truth and possibly cause an even bigger argument ?"

I would not talk to her but just send the one text. If you were happy to do so and felt safe.

"2 Should i have lied (something i really dont like doing)to possibly help him out of a bad situation ?"

No, as you don't want to do it.

"3 Should i delete my profile and leave the site in case she has now gotten access to his account trying to arrange a meet where i would be met with an angry wife and possibly her mates ?

Yes i have blocked his account and have even got rid of my old number for fear of being contacted by him or his wife "

This sounds like you were not feeling safe so you did the right thing for you.

She can find out what she needs to know by checking his computer.

If you would feel safer, delete your account. You can always tell anyone you want to keep in contact with, your new account details before you delete and ask people to re verify you etc.

Not sure how you met, ie your place, his etc, but if he holds any further contact details for you. ie email, physical address etc then if you should do what ever makes any fear of contact go away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're not the one in the wrong - THEY are. He is for lying to you AND his wife. She is for trying to blame YOU.

You're the one in the 'triangle' (Ugh!!) who is innocent, so why should you even consider shouldering any blame. When she phoned I would have told her the truth whether she asked for it or not, then the lying stops dead at that point.

If there is a problem anywhere it is within THEIR relationship, not in what you did with him. It's for them to sort out - not for you to blame yourself over or alter your life to suit them.

Forget about it - you have done all you can do to protect yourself from THEM. But next time assume a guy is married until proven otherwise.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thankyou very much for some of the well thought out replies from fellow swingers .

I have only ever met knowingly with one married guy had spoken and met with his wife and as she was very much ok with him meeting me in her words "its better if i know where he is than going off and actually cheating with someone behind my back" as she knew he was only meeting me for fun and would be back to her afterwards.

Given the power of hindsight maybe it would have been better to tell her the truth as i know how its feels to be cheated on waiting for the OH to come home from work later each night or going out with mates they havent spoken to in years wondering exactly who they are with,but whats done is done now and will try to move on.

This has been a wake up call for me to be even more cautious about meeting single guys but hopefully i wont be put in this type situation ever again.

Any married guy playing away reading this thread if you get caught (and you will eventually) please dont expect genuine people to add to the lies you've told, as for me personally if i do have another wife/girlfriend find out you have cheated with me i will be telling the entire truth xx

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By *weet DevilMan
over a year ago

dukinfield

put it down to experiance ..........at least you played with his testicles whilst he still had them lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would have told her the truth, you have nothing to feel guilty about, you didn't know he was married, he lied to you to!

you could have potentially been put in a bad situation had you agreed to meet him( her) when you received that text,,, she could have been a complete psycho... and he put you in that situation... he was the asshole to both of you, you have nothing to worry about! Sorry you had to go through that!

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire

i would have told her all you know.

he contacted you on a website, you arent on the game but enjoy casual sex and he didnt tell you he was married.

you arent a monster you are a human being and to err is human, afterall.

you made a mistake, he was a wanker!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

block done and done.

stop thinking or worrying about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"put it down to experiance ..........at least you played with his testicles whilst he still had them lol"

PMSL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

TBH there are already problems in their marriage if it's gotten to the point were he's going behind her back to have casual flings with others, the situation you mentioned probably being one in a long PRE EXISTING list! he'll slip up again (probably with someone else he hasn't disclosed his marital status to) lol and she'll do the math!

Block his / Her number, learn and always get clarity on any one you meet through here or another site of their marital status!

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By *imal75Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I woud agreed with Lovedupstill They are spot on and explain that your on a site. The moment you get abuse..and she dont listen, put the phone down!

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By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

It's happened to me before.. with somebody I met from a dif site. I told her he told me he was single, where I met him and suggested she didn't contact me again and ask him the rest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have done nothing wrong Hun. I am a married woman with my husbands permission to play. It's his thing. However have had a similar situation where a married man left his number and wife rang me. Told her met him on a swinging site. Felt awful for her as she was devastated and started calling me names. At the end of the day, obviously they have problems in their marriage which gives him the need to look elsewhere. Swinging is fun but some guys are out there just to cheat. Wish people would use this site as intended, to meet other swingers and like minded people. Don't worry about it. You have done nothing wrong. Take care. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/06/12 10:44:22]

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By *unnyfunCouple
over a year ago

Carmarthenshire

"I had something similar some time ago - which is why I will never, ever bring a swinger contact to my home again or let them know where I live...

If you're the innocent party, then never apologise - that's something that somebody else has to do...

Never, ever lie about it - that just compounds the wrong...

Totally agree with this post !!! you have done nothing wrong and i feel sorry for you !

Live and learn hun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's responsible for his actions and the resulting consequences not you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its not your problem just forget about him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A met a woman on a site was texting her never met her a got called last sunday. But was driving so never answered. So i recieved a text hello this is michael kirsty's fiance. Just texting you to let you know she has been a cheating lying cow and your no the first. A texted back. He phoned said they was due to marry in seven weeks. See it's them doing the wrong thing and always the other parties fault

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By *lubPartyPeepsCouple
over a year ago

London

You have done nothing wrong.

If you wish to tell them more, that's your call, but your not obliged to do anything.

So called singles, playing away from home, male or female, should take note of this story, seriously.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" If I am meeting a married woman I always like to speak to the husband first before meeting, probably because I'm useless in a fight and just know hubby would be a 6ft tall ex boxer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He's blocked and no longer has your number - forget it -his marriage has nothing to do with you. Z

I completely agree forget about it but what an idiot!! "

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