FabSwingers.com forum: feelings

By *herryblossom_BJ OP Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

How do you stop yourself having emotional feelings for the person who have casual sex with? (excluding one night stands)

Do you choose someone who is the wild card, basically not your usual type but the sex is fun?

Or choose someone who ticks one or two things you like about them? keep it simple, not much chat, fuck and go?

Or you just don't get emotionally attached that easily?

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

We were a one night stand - 30 years ago! But since then, we've discovered the safest way - for us - is to not see anyone to frequently (maximum once a month seems to work).

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By *voryforebonyMan
over a year ago

boogie town

"How do you stop yourself having emotional feelings for the person who have casual sex with? (excluding one night stands)

Do you choose someone who is the wild card, basically not your usual type but the sex is fun?

Or choose someone who ticks one or two things you like about them? keep it simple, not much chat, fuck and go?

Or you just don't get emotionally attached that easily? "

I'll volunteer if you like..

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By *renzMan
over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

I think you need a certain amount of feelings to have good sex. Having said that, I've had several long term 'friendships' over the years, both with couples and single females.

With couples it's easier, because I recognise what I am to them and no matter how well I get on with the female, including hotwives,I can honestly say I have never allowed myself to become emotionally involved.

Slightly more difficult with single females, but I always try to separate the sex and emotional feeling. It's come close once or twice, but I won't allow myself to become that involved. I try to focus on the sex alone.

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By *ightmyfireMan
over a year ago

beccles

I stupidly let my wife see men on her own as initially it turned me on. She has grown attached to a cpl of them she sees. I'd rather she didnt see them but says they are her normal friends now and it would be controlling of me to stop her.

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By *racy_JacksWoman
over a year ago

Derby

You can’t control your emotions, so it’s always a possibility

I personally don’t really see what is all that wrong with having some feelings, it is pretty natural if you are being intimate with someone over a period of time. Feelings don’t mean that you have to get on the relationship escalator together and develop that...

But anyway, there are clear boundaries with my current fwb. He started to feel quite close to me a while back and we stopped seeing each other for a while. I really couldn’t see wanting to pursue a serious relationship with him. Quick meets with no chat are not for me and we do get along, but just enough for a nice, long evening and have no desire to extend it beyond that

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By *lovisMan
over a year ago

Twickenham

"How do you stop yourself having emotional feelings for the person who have casual sex with? (excluding one night stands)

Do you choose someone who is the wild card, basically not your usual type but the sex is fun?

Or choose someone who ticks one or two things you like about them? keep it simple, not much chat, fuck and go?

Or you just don't get emotionally attached that easily? "

My friend calls it "catching feelings" and tends to bale out at that point.

Some people have the ability to not get attached - they are emotionally detached and in one sense I envy that!

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By *amyorksMan
over a year ago

Barnsley

I know the massive turn on of letting your wife see guys alone. But there is a big risk as i found out. We ok now and i long for it again but she unsure as it does hurt emotionally when it ends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You just learn to deal with them generally. I always feel something for my sexual partners, I need to, it enables good chemistry and good sex.

I fell hard for one but I don’t regret it, we are now at the stage where we are able to have a civil conversation after falling out. But we needed that final fall out for us both to try and move on but I still care about him a great deal. I don’t want to get into the situation where I fall hard again but if it happens it happens

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By *ightmyfireMan
over a year ago

beccles

"I know the massive turn on of letting your wife see guys alone. But there is a big risk as i found out. We ok now and i long for it again but she unsure as it does hurt emotionally when it ends"

Unless I end my marriage I'm pretty much stuck with the situation now

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By *amyorksMan
over a year ago

Barnsley

"I know the massive turn on of letting your wife see guys alone. But there is a big risk as i found out. We ok now and i long for it again but she unsure as it does hurt emotionally when it ends

Unless I end my marriage I'm pretty much stuck with the situation now"

Why stop her if its working?

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By *ightmyfireMan
over a year ago

beccles

"I know the massive turn on of letting your wife see guys alone. But there is a big risk as i found out. We ok now and i long for it again but she unsure as it does hurt emotionally when it ends

Unless I end my marriage I'm pretty much stuck with the situation now

Why stop her if its working?"

It doesn't do anything for me now.

Made me loose my confidence really

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By *amyorksMan
over a year ago

Barnsley

It can be difficult. I get my confidence from the fact it turns me on and im married to a sexy women who other men fancy and know how good at sex she is but that she comes home to me

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By *ightmyfireMan
over a year ago

beccles

"It can be difficult. I get my confidence from the fact it turns me on and im married to a sexy women who other men fancy and know how good at sex she is but that she comes home to me"

Good way of seeing it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If there is a connection it’s almost impossible to not feel emotionally attached. The more times you sleep with someone the more intimate it becomes. Sooner or later that turns into feelings. It’s human nature. I have slept with people not my type and you still end up eventually feeling something. There’s no right or wrong answer. Just walls you can build to protect yourself. Good luck OP. X

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"How do you stop yourself having emotional feelings for the person who have casual sex with? (excluding one night stands)

Do you choose someone who is the wild card, basically not your usual type but the sex is fun?

Or choose someone who ticks one or two things you like about them? keep it simple, not much chat, fuck and go?

Or you just don't get emotionally attached that easily? "

I make sure it's someone I wouldn't want a relationship with.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I know the massive turn on of letting your wife see guys alone. But there is a big risk as i found out. We ok now and i long for it again but she unsure as it does hurt emotionally when it ends

Unless I end my marriage I'm pretty much stuck with the situation now

Why stop her if its working?

It doesn't do anything for me now.

Made me loose my confidence really "

Why is she still doing it if its hurting you? You're her primary partner

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"I know the massive turn on of letting your wife see guys alone. But there is a big risk as i found out. We ok now and i long for it again but she unsure as it does hurt emotionally when it ends

Unless I end my marriage I'm pretty much stuck with the situation now

Why stop her if its working?

It doesn't do anything for me now.

Made me loose my confidence really

Why is she still doing it if its hurting you? You're her primary partner "

Because he changed the rules, it's not all about the men !

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"I know the massive turn on of letting your wife see guys alone. But there is a big risk as i found out. We ok now and i long for it again but she unsure as it does hurt emotionally when it ends

Unless I end my marriage I'm pretty much stuck with the situation now

Why stop her if its working?

It doesn't do anything for me now.

Made me loose my confidence really

Why is she still doing it if its hurting you? You're her primary partner

Because he changed the rules, it's not all about the men !"

Yes but if it's hurting her marriage/relationship she should stop.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I know the massive turn on of letting your wife see guys alone. But there is a big risk as i found out. We ok now and i long for it again but she unsure as it does hurt emotionally when it ends

Unless I end my marriage I'm pretty much stuck with the situation now

Why stop her if its working?

It doesn't do anything for me now.

Made me loose my confidence really

Why is she still doing it if its hurting you? You're her primary partner

Because he changed the rules, it's not all about the men !"

I know that but if I knew I was hurting someone I loved I'd stop doing whatever it was. I'd say the same to a woman.

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By *edVelveteenCouple
over a year ago

Heaven in the Midlands

I need to have some sort of attraction or chemistry but apart from that, I'm not interested in socialising with them, except maybe for a drink or two beforehand.

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

what about the feelings that you feel ignored when he doesn't give you the affection when you want it.. you know he's on a date with someone else?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"what about the feelings that you feel ignored when he doesn't give you the affection when you want it.. you know he's on a date with someone else? "

You can't really demand someone's affection and attention, as much as you want it. I think that you should have an open and honest discussion with that person (provided you're at the stage where you can!). If I was in a relationship with someone I'd definitely listen to them and depending how strong my feelings are, I wouldn't want to upset what I have with them in order to get my quim filled by another. But it's individualistic and not a one fits all answer.

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

wanting and demanding attention are two different things though.

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

like I'm desperate to go abroad but because of covid, I'm staying at home and accepting it

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"wanting and demanding attention are two different things though. "

Yes, I know they are. I was trying to explain that your wants might not match theirs.

Do something to occupy your time? Remind yourself that feelings for you aren't negated by feelings for others ie accept that they're on a date with another but still like you. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting affection and attention and can understand why you do esp times like those.

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By *itsAndTaffCouple
over a year ago

Grays, Essex

"what about the feelings that you feel ignored when he doesn't give you the affection when you want it.. you know he's on a date with someone else? "

If it’s just casual it’s not his role to give you affection

Casual to me implies no strings attached so it’s just a hook up when mutually convenient to both, if you want to meet more often than them, then maybe you need a second casual person or maybe a a boyfriend

MrsB

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had to have a couple of quite frank conversations with two single ladies in the past on here; I think they’d both been treated badly in the past and thought that someone sane (ish), who treated them respectfully and enjoyed their company was their knight in shining armour. Personally I separate ‘fab life’ from real life and like to keep it like that, I cannot envisage entering into a proper relationship with someone from here.

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

I duno if feelings are just things you turn off like a light switch. I have my own coping skills when this happens to me but just being curious about how people deal with it when they are swinging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what about the feelings that you feel ignored when he doesn't give you the affection when you want it.. you know he's on a date with someone else? "

Then you need to talk. So for me I’ve had fwb where we haven’t been exclusive and that’s been ok as we have communicated. I didn’t meet others - my choice. Funnily enough it only became an issue when I did.

I generally only do exclusive fwbs and we meet others together. But again I communicate what I would like if they don’t want the same they are probably not for me. So if your upset they are meeting others because you have feels you really need to talk to him. Protect yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you stop yourself having emotional feelings for the person who have casual sex with? (excluding one night stands)

Do you choose someone who is the wild card, basically not your usual type but the sex is fun?

Or choose someone who ticks one or two things you like about them? keep it simple, not much chat, fuck and go?

Or you just don't get emotionally attached that easily? "

You cant unless you detach from the beginning. I dumped my regular guy for the one im with and have been for 3 years this week. I fell in love snd we are very happy. But i still have a little look lol

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

"I know the massive turn on of letting your wife see guys alone. But there is a big risk as i found out. We ok now and i long for it again but she unsure as it does hurt emotionally when it ends

Unless I end my marriage I'm pretty much stuck with the situation now"

Sorry to be blunt, but if she's carrying on even though you've told her how uncomfortable it makes you - and us bullying you into accepting the situation - then it sounds like your marriage is already over.

Unless you can find a woman or two to do the same with and tell her to just sick it up

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By *edVelveteenCouple
over a year ago

Heaven in the Midlands

"what about the feelings that you feel ignored when he doesn't give you the affection when you want it.. you know he's on a date with someone else?

If it’s just casual it’s not his role to give you affection

MrsB"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know the massive turn on of letting your wife see guys alone. But there is a big risk as i found out. We ok now and i long for it again but she unsure as it does hurt emotionally when it ends

Unless I end my marriage I'm pretty much stuck with the situation now

Unless you can find a woman or two to do the same with and tell her to just sick it up"

I think he already knows this but hasn't admitted it to himself yet.

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By *abasaurus RexMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

"How do you stop yourself having emotional feelings for the person who have casual sex with? (excluding one night stands)

Do you choose someone who is the wild card, basically not your usual type but the sex is fun?

Or choose someone who ticks one or two things you like about them? keep it simple, not much chat, fuck and go?

Or you just don't get emotionally attached that easily? "

I think it’s just a mental ability to box it off.

Choosing someone with which you’re incompatible with for an on going romantic relationship also helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a married woman I actually find the ones where you text/call a lot throughout the day more dangerous than fucking. It's easy to fuck without emotion, its when you become emotionally involved in each others lives that the feelings get deeper I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know the massive turn on of letting your wife see guys alone. But there is a big risk as i found out. We ok now and i long for it again but she unsure as it does hurt emotionally when it ends

Unless I end my marriage I'm pretty much stuck with the situation now"

This is sadly the downside of swinging for a couple, when one decides it’s not for them anymore.

It’s hard to close Pandora’s Box once it’s been opened.

Sorry that you find yourselves in this situation. Hope you both manage to work it out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get attached easily and check-in with myself now and again. If there was a hint I'm starting to develop any romantic feelings for someone - I'd stop seeing that person. So far I didn't have to, but then again - the longest time I had a regular was only just over 3 years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a married woman I actually find the ones where you text/call a lot throughout the day more dangerous than fucking. It's easy to fuck without emotion, its when you become emotionally involved in each others lives that the feelings get deeper I think. "

Yes totally... That is my situation.. We talk daily for hours

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

is it true lower chance of developing feelings with a married man as you come straight away with the mindset he's definitely emotionally unavailable?

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

nothing wrong with having feelings for people you’re intimate with if it’s a regular thing, but you decide up front you aren’t looking for anything other than friendship, sex, fun, adventure so why would things develop by themselves, unless you are missing something and looking for it it won’t happen. If you spot it happening in the other person ,talk about it , tell them clearly that not allowed.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"is it true lower chance of developing feelings with a married man as you come straight away with the mindset he's definitely emotionally unavailable? "

Not necessarily, emotions don’t abide by common sense. It depends more on the woman and how long you both have been swinging. I bet it happens more with newbies

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By *oubledongWoman
over a year ago

Headington, Oxford

For me the honest answer is I can't help but get a bit emotionally involved with someone I am seeing regularly. I try to limit the involvement as you would a friend, it is not the same as the relationship with my husband.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get attached with people from fab, its just casual sex for me with enough banter to keep it flowing mentally during the meet/s ..

Just see it as that , not looking for friends as such .

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

it seems like more men than women can separate emotions with sex?

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By *oubledongWoman
over a year ago

Headington, Oxford

I would say it is only really a problem if your relationship with your partner is not solid. If you have a really strong relationship with them then you can get involved with others without causing problems. If your relationship is less than ideal then there is a real risk of being consumed by another relationship, even a non sexual one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's always a risk you cannot control natural feelings its whether you can make friendship as far as it goes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"it seems like more men than women can separate emotions with sex? "

Men are very sexually driven to copulat women are I think are more prone to feelings.

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By *amyorksMan
over a year ago

Barnsley

From a cucks point of view i think that knowing feelings are involved adds to the angst. But like i said earlier does bring some risk which probably explains the increased emotions

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

"it seems like more men than women can separate emotions with sex?

Men are very sexually driven to copulat women are I think are more prone to feelings."

Definitely... it did amaze me when I joined fab, how many liberated women there was. I always kept it hidden my sex life, good to be with other similar thinking people

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"I’ve had to have a couple of quite frank conversations with two single ladies in the past on here; I think they’d both been treated badly in the past and thought that someone sane (ish), who treated them respectfully and enjoyed their company was their knight in shining armour. Personally I separate ‘fab life’ from real life and like to keep it like that, I cannot envisage entering into a proper relationship with someone from here. "

Why not? We aren't the type to introduce to family?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not? We aren't the type to introduce to family? "

Cos we're the girls his mother warned him about - good for a shag but not to marry

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

Why not? We aren't the type to introduce to family?

Cos we're the girls his mother warned him about - good for a shag but not to marry

Oh that's the one, I forgot, all us wanton harlots should just bend over and keep our slutty selves hidden away.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

Why not? We aren't the type to introduce to family?

Cos we're the girls his mother warned him about - good for a shag but not to marry

Oh that's the one, I forgot, all us wanton harlots should just bend over and keep our slutty selves hidden away. "

Madonna vs whore complex seriously what is it with men on here? Women who enjoy sex will obviously bring shame to their lives

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By *latinumkittenWoman
over a year ago

from Home Counties to Middle Earth

My friend struggles with separating attachment from sex. I described it to her, like going to see a film at the cinema. I really enjoy the film, I may like the actors, the emotion, the drama, the way it makes me feel, I leave the cinema with a smile on my face, knowing I'll go back again sometime - either enticed by the notion of a night at the cinema, or by a favoured actor, or film genre - depending on my mood. Regardless how good the film, I'm not going to buy the cinema, or insist on marrying the actor/director.

That's my Fab life too

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By *ed just RedWoman
over a year ago

Dublin City

"I stupidly let my wife see men on her own as initially it turned me on. She has grown attached to a cpl of them she sees. I'd rather she didnt see them but says they are her normal friends now and it would be controlling of me to stop her."

Well when you use phrases like “let my wife”, there’s a chance you may already be controlling her. Surely you “agreed”??

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

Well when you use phrases like “let my wife”, there’s a chance you may already be controlling her. Surely you “agreed”?? "

Semantics surely? Once swinging fun starts to become less fun for others involved... Something needs to change. Whatever words are used.

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By *ed just RedWoman
over a year ago

Dublin City

I’ve had FBs for years and years and the only feelings I develop are respect. One FB, on and off for 25yrs, a small part of me properly adores him.

I don’t think a time will come when I won’t. We’ve been through enough together.

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

It's interesting, I can separate sex and love easily. I have a small handful of guys I see regularly and I have feelings of friendship and affection for them but its not love

I get annoyed if someone sends me messages all day when we aren't regular partners

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not? We aren't the type to introduce to family?

Cos we're the girls his mother warned him about - good for a shag but not to marry

Oh that's the one, I forgot, all us wanton harlots should just bend over and keep our slutty selves hidden away.

Madonna vs whore complex seriously what is it with men on here? Women who enjoy sex will obviously bring shame to their lives

These may be the men who then cheat on their wives cos of a number of reasons.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Maybe put that on your profile to avoid confusion.

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

Why not? We aren't the type to introduce to family?

Cos we're the girls his mother warned him about - good for a shag but not to marry

Oh that's the one, I forgot, all us wanton harlots should just bend over and keep our slutty selves hidden away.

Madonna vs whore complex seriously what is it with men on here? Women who enjoy sex will obviously bring shame to their lives

I got heavily critised for my profile, saying it entices the perverts. I did an experiment with other women. we all re-created our profiles into really naughty ones. I got nothing but really nice messages, where my other friend got absolutely vile. Her profile was less naughtier than mine.

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By *ifeandhubby400Couple
over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland

As a couple its a tad easier as hubby being there seems to ease his mind as nothing is hidden as it would if we met alone ,saying that in the bedroom has nothing to do with our normal life as a couple ,they are 2 separate things ,id never leave my hubby for a fantasy I have too good a "normal" life to risk it ,we have fun together then go home,saying that any regular we have we do genuinely like and care about ,but no more ,when one of us is no longer into it we close the door !

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

South Side.

Feelings are good. You dont have to act on them. Its good to know you're alive.

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

"I know the massive turn on of letting your wife see guys alone. But there is a big risk as i found out. We ok now and i long for it again but she unsure as it does hurt emotionally when it ends

Unless I end my marriage I'm pretty much stuck with the situation now

Why stop her if its working?

It doesn't do anything for me now.

Made me loose my confidence really

Why is she still doing it if its hurting you? You're her primary partner

Because he changed the rules, it's not all about the men !

I know that but if I knew I was hurting someone I loved I'd stop doing whatever it was. I'd say the same to a woman. "

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By *nique_GymMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

This is a very interesting question and an imponderable one at that! I think the issues will always lie in the fact that so many people have personality disorders or attachment disorders now I think they commonly referred to as. So these are the traits you need to be wary of, the classic love bombing from the narcissists, men coveting the hotwife. Your classic Dom Male that believes himself to be the most perfect man on earth who tries to seduce the wife or girlfriend away. I think you need to delve deeper and in many ways read up on and, act on the information readily available. My girlfriend and I would like a Cuckolding relationship and she has a few men she is chatting to. Yet none of them have expressed the remotest interest in me. They message her daily and are now asking to meet as lockdown eases. Yet none of these Dom/Bulls want me engaged, quite bizarre really but in my humble opinion this is a classic move to edge me out and her to focus on them!

Only my thoughts so please don’t take offence or be upset!

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By *amyorksMan
over a year ago

Barnsley

In most cases its all about sexually satisfaction for the man and your wife so not many would want the hubby involved.

I think you have to take your pleasure from whats happening in that your wife is having a hot relationship but still comes home to you

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Or you just don't get emotionally attached that easily? "

This for me

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