Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to Swinging Support and Advice |
| Jump to newest |  |
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing!  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Another guy has started a thread, asking about how to send a first message, so I’ll send him to this thread  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Read the Fab FAQ's so they understand that it is Fab rules that no reply means not interested and they don't need to send multiple messages trying to get a response out of you. "Yes of course but I wanted to point out some of the reasons why they might not be getting replies | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I managed to get to the end and as someone who can waffle on and get agitated over some of the messages I get, I truly applaud your efforts.
Another guy has started a thread, asking about how to send a first message, so I’ll send him to this thread "Haha sorry, I did try not to waffle too much but there is just so much to say on the subject!  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Read the Fab FAQ's so they understand that it is Fab rules that no reply means not interested and they don't need to send multiple messages trying to get a response out of you.
Yes of course but I wanted to point out some of the reasons why they might not be getting replies "Also speaking of this, a quick number 9. Please make use of the private notes functions on people's profiles if they have not replied/deleted/said no! Especially if you are not a site supporter and can't see message history. Nothing worse than telling someone they're the best thing you've ever seen when you just told them the exact same thing 2 days ago; doesn't sound very genuine coming from someone who doesn't even remember them! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Posts like this, to me seem futile. The ones that really need this advice, are very unlikely to take it.They don't read profiles, it's not about what you want, it's only about what they want. Those that don't need it, we'll, then you're preaching to the converted " With respect, I'm not sure I agree. I'm fairly new to this site and want to understand the correct etiquette and it can be daunting trying to get that first message right, knowing you may not even get a reply. Pieces like this can be very helpful in that regard for people who may not realise what they're doing wrong. Really enjoyed reading this | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Read the Fab FAQ's so they understand that it is Fab rules that no reply means not interested and they don't need to send multiple messages trying to get a response out of you.
Yes of course but I wanted to point out some of the reasons why they might not be getting replies "I just had someone get abusive for not replying and tried telling me that it was my rule that no reply meant no interest. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"A awesome job and a interesting read indeed " Thanks, glad you found it interesting | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Well done, OP. Should be compulsory read. " Thank you, hopefully lots of people who are struggling will read it | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Great Post, and definitely should be compulsory reading for all newbies, and most single guys... "Thank you. Some newbies I have spoken to have been great though | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"100% just this! I can see many being pointed to this thread, amazing job OP! " Thank you, have added it to my profile haha | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Excellent post OP, & lots of really good advice, hopefully plenty will read it & take note. " Thank you, yep we can only hope | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I would suggest that, that I'd all common sense. Anyone without common sense and deviates from what you have written deserves everything they get. Nothing! But then those with common sense or put another way, thinks with their head instead of their cock, will stand out. But that doesn't mean you are entitled to a reply. " No but the problem is that the more it happens to those people the angrier and more abusive they get, while claiming that fab is making them feel shit about themselves  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Posts like this, to me seem futile. The ones that really need this advice, are very unlikely to take it.They don't read profiles, it's not about what you want, it's only about what they want. Those that don't need it, we'll, then you're preaching to the converted " Then there is the third kind who mean no harm but genuinely just don't know how to approach someone and would like to learn | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Posts like this, to me seem futile. The ones that really need this advice, are very unlikely to take it.They don't read profiles, it's not about what you want, it's only about what they want. Those that don't need it, we'll, then you're preaching to the converted With respect, I'm not sure I agree. I'm fairly new to this site and want to understand the correct etiquette and it can be daunting trying to get that first message right, knowing you may not even get a reply. Pieces like this can be very helpful in that regard for people who may not realise what they're doing wrong. Really enjoyed reading this "I'm glad you found this helpful I hope it works for you | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Read the Fab FAQ's so they understand that it is Fab rules that no reply means not interested and they don't need to send multiple messages trying to get a response out of you.
Yes of course but I wanted to point out some of the reasons why they might not be getting replies
I just had someone get abusive for not replying and tried telling me that it was my rule that no reply meant no interest. "Sorry to hear that unfortunately there will always be a couple of bad eggs amongst all the good ones. Block and delete | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Well done OP. Some excellent advice there for the newbies ( & seasoned fabbers who aren't having much success.) "Thank you  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Great post op but alas most men will go instantly TIT BLIND when they open this thread and look at your profile and just see Tits and then all hope is lost. T" That's what the block button is there for  or maybe I should just cover up in all my photos... | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I try and live by this advice as best I can and don't get much luck outside of a few who read my messages and reply. I think it's very much luck of the draw as some women are more popular than others and end up inundated with messages so might not have time to read them or just clear their inbox. It's hard when you're either left unread or autodeleted but it's made even harder when the ladies who do receive abuse from other guys. The single guys who spit their dummies out are the worst enemy of guys who follow this advice! Where things get difficult is when you have someone with a lot of pictures but a nonexistent bio or the "I'm an XYZ year old woman looking for men/women". It makes it nigh impossible to strike up conversation! " If you want you can PM me a typical first message you'd send out, many times you can think you're coming across a certain way so an outside opinion may help point things out you wouldn't notice yourself | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"nice post and interesting thread to read as well, thank you " Thank you, glad you liked it | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"100% just this! I can see many being pointed to this thread, amazing job OP! Thank you, have added it to my profile haha" I put it on my update in hope of a little education to them needing it  x | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"100% just this! I can see many being pointed to this thread, amazing job OP! Thank you, have added it to my profile haha I put it on my update in hope of a little education to them needing it x"LOL thanks, appreciate the publicity | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So it's almost noon on a Thursday and instead of studying, doing any of my life admin that desperately needs doing or just generally being a productive member of society I have decided that, after my latest read through the sorry state of my inbox, the best way to procrastinate is by holding a lecture on what the best way (in my opinion) to approach someone on here is. In today's in depth look at fab messaging I will try to explain not just the WHAT but also the HOW and the WHY. Note these are my own personal opinions and not to be taken as 100% fact (although I do have a feeling this will resonate with many fabbers who receive messages). 1. Avoid anything in the vein of "hey/hey how are you/how you doing/how's you (my personal least favourite)". Yes I know this has been said countless times on forums but it's still so so true. I get that it can be really hard to start a conversation and sometimes a greeting is really the only way you can go. I am even guilty of it myself sometimes on platforms like Bumble or Kik. The thing is that the fab messaging service doesn't really allow for small talk the way that quick-fire instant messaging platforms do. Imagine waiting hours or even days for someone to reply "hey, good thanks, you?" before then asking them how fab/lockdown has been treating them. On WhatsApp you can have this same conversation in less than 5 minutes and then get to talking about something else, but imagine trying to tell someone on here about the yoga workout you did two days ago. This is no way to build a spark. In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. 2. Keep things that could be on your bio out of a first message. Putting your interests, the fact you always smell good, the fact you're a professional etc etc in a message is honestly a waste of vital real estate. It reeks of being copy and pasted to anything with a pulse within 20 miles (which is okay sometimes but I'll get to that later). Don't just assume that the people you message are not going to read your profile and therefore you need to bombard them with as much information about yourself as possible in your first message. I promise you, people look. Many, MANY people look in stealth mode so it might not seem like they look, but they do. Unless a message really, really offends to the point where I block straightaway, I will always look at the profile that has sent me a message (in stealth mode). Instead, focus your effort on including this information in your bio. This is where people go to learn about you and what you are looking for. Use the first message to highlight something that you might have resonated with on someone's profile; this is important in three ways: 1) it gives you a chance to talk about yourself, thereby 2) giving you a chance to turn that message into a full blown conversation and 3) showing the person that you have read their profile, which leads me to: 3. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BIO. It's there for a reason. I thought really long and hard about what information should go in my bio, whether it was relevant, what the tone of it should be, the type of people I am trying to attract with it etc etc. It is there to be read and taken into consideration. I am not on here to find a one off fuck. No offence but there are plenty of men on here who, as arrogant as it sounds, will very willingly fuck me. And yes, I am aware that that is only because I have a functioning vagina. Some of them may even be good in bed. So if I just wanted one night of passion, I would go for one of them. I want the person who is interested in the type of person I am. Who, even though they might not be interested in dating me (this is a swinging site after all yadda yadda yadda), is still the type of person I would want to spend all afternoon with chatting, eating and fucking. This is supposed to be fun. I want to feel good about the choices I am making on here. Going to someone's house or hotel for a quickie at 2am does not make me feel good. I want to have experiences from here, not bad memories. I want someone who thinks that sex with me is worth at least some effort. Contrary to the belief a lot of people have about bigger girls, I do like to take care of myself and look well put together. I spend on average 2-3 hours getting ready for a meet, making sure I look crazy bangable and then spend time on top of that travelling because I can't accommodate. If I have chosen to meet you I can guarantee I have spent time stressing over what to wear, what to eat that day so as to not be too bloated/have bad breath/smell or taste bad down there (I like garlic, folks), Google Mapsing a suitable place down the road from your house to pull over and switch from my trainers to heels without you seeing. In short, I have put major TIME into it. If you cannot put aside one minute of your life to read my bio then why should any of that be worth it? If anything, reading someone's profile is more likely to get you a reply. I feel like a lot of people who complain on here have more of an issue with not receiving the closure that comes with rejection rather than the rejection itself. If I see that someone has very obviously gone to the effort of reading mine then I will also take the time to say a polite thanks but no thanks. If you are looking for a quick shag that won't care if you read their profile or not then by all means, disregard this point (or indeed, this whole post). You will probably find them. It will just take you a hell of a long time. 4. Don't mention sex. Yes, this is a swinging site. Or a hookup site if you're single. But we are still people. Don't reduce anyone to a sexual object (unless they have specifically expressed a desire for this). First of all, it makes you look hella thirsty, and that is not a good look on anyone. Secondly, it's fucking intimidating. Asking a stranger if they fancy a fuck is akin to catcalling someone on the street. And that, my friends, is 100% of the time a scary experience. I appreciate that the majority of men would LOVE receiving an essay from a woman about all the things they want to do to them sexually. But they have not grown up and lived with the same societal fears and pressures that women have. Once you get to know someone and it's looking like there might be a chance of a meet then by all means get your flirt on. In fact, approach the matter the same way you would on a dating site or app. I see a lot of men complaining that they get more action on Tinder/Bumble/OKC/PoF than on here. Why do you think that is? What are the differences in your approaches across all these platforms? And if they are different, why? I am also on some of these apps and can tell you that I am treated far more like a human woman with independent thoughts and feelings and just basic respect on dating sites than I am on here. But what is the difference in looking for casual sex on PoF versus on here? Are we now just sexual objects because of the acceptance of nudes and expression of sexual interests and kinks on here? Something to think about... 5. Have good photos. As I said in point no. 2, people check profiles. Make sure your profiles are tasteful and don't just have dick pics up. There are ways of showing off your body and penis without comparing it to a Lynx can. Mind-blowing, I know. If for whatever reason you don't have public photos available on your profile (IMO there is no good reason for this but that's another matter) then at least make sure you have attached some good quality photos to your opening message. Preferably a clear photo with no filters and that doesn't look like it's been taken with a brick. You are asking someone to give you their time and consideration, at the very least they should know what you look like. 6. Proofread, proofread and proofread again. Check your spelling. Check your your/you'res, there/theirs and discrete/discreets. Especially if you're copying and pasting. I have received so many messages that open with "hey guys", clearly not having been edited from when they were sent to a couple before they were sent to me. Or messages addressed to someone with a different name. And when I call the sender up on it, they usually claim it was autocorrect. Yeah, right
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing! "By far the best post I’ve ever seen on a forum, it should be compulsory reading when u join fab, Well done!!!! I applaud you | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"To be honest with you 1000% hello how are you would you like to chat It’s probably about all I ever message on hear And hear is why and some are not going to like this But I have took the time to write witty message took the time to read profile and includ things off the profiles in to the message to show I have read it I have included things about my self I done the cheese chat up lines Did I get a response 9/10 nope read / delete What’s the point off making such a effort to read a profile and send personal message when all it’s going to get is read delete/ not read and delete And please don’t give me the ooo I get hundreds off message a day I use to by those bs lines Uptill I started looking at the forums and reading the posts about how meny people have looked at you and how meny message a day to you get and release That I am in the top % off message and looked at and I managed to reply to everyone even if it’s a no thanks happy swinging and if they keep pushing I just hit the block bottom that’s what it’s there for So basically the how’s you message are down to the masses inability to repay back to a personal message or a read profile " This thread was totally my opinion and not a 100% foolproof way to get replies. If your approach is what works for you then that's great | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"This is excellent advice OP, very eloquently articulated! My only reservation is, whilst it is very useful for messaging and dating on many platforms, I question whether following this will make much of a difference on fab. From my experience trying to reach out and message on fab, it seems since women are flooded with messages, unless you have great pictures (a model model or monster cock) your message gets overlooked. Not saying women are shallow and only go for looks but pictures are used as a first stage filter, simply because they have so many messages they must find some way of filtering them down. I will try to be more conscious of your advise and thank for taking the time to write it. I think it will help on other apps and in person meets but on fab I'm sceptical now much difference it will make. I'll give you an example from personal experience and observation. I've noticed a private reply in a forum thread, irrespective of the message content (even not related to the thread at all), will be a successful opening to a conversation 90% of the time. Yet 98% of cold messages will be ignored. This seems to be because a forum reply is another way of filtering messages (subconsciously). I think your advice is useful for stage 2, once the lady has acknowledged your existence and is open to try a chat but most guys are stuck at stage one, as if non existent. "If that is the case maybe think about how your pictures come across and whether you could improve them. Is the lighting good? Are the angles flattering? Is the quality clear and not blurry? Are they mainly of your dick? Do they make you feel good about presenting yourself to someone? Messages are very important but the best first message in the world will not make up for a shit profile, and vice versa. You say that it's easier with model good looks but honestly I have stopped talking or even not replied to super hot Adonises with empty profiles or shit messages before. And I'm a fat girl so I'm not supposed to have any standards!!
And yes like you say it's very important to keep up a high standard even after establishing first contact. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So it's almost noon on a Thursday and instead of studying, doing any of my life admin that desperately needs doing or just generally being a productive member of society I have decided that, after my latest read through the sorry state of my inbox, the best way to procrastinate is by holding a lecture on what the best way (in my opinion) to approach someone on here is. In today's in depth look at fab messaging I will try to explain not just the WHAT but also the HOW and the WHY. Note these are my own personal opinions and not to be taken as 100% fact (although I do have a feeling this will resonate with many fabbers who receive messages). 1. Avoid anything in the vein of "hey/hey how are you/how you doing/how's you (my personal least favourite)". Yes I know this has been said countless times on forums but it's still so so true. I get that it can be really hard to start a conversation and sometimes a greeting is really the only way you can go. I am even guilty of it myself sometimes on platforms like Bumble or Kik. The thing is that the fab messaging service doesn't really allow for small talk the way that quick-fire instant messaging platforms do. Imagine waiting hours or even days for someone to reply "hey, good thanks, you?" before then asking them how fab/lockdown has been treating them. On WhatsApp you can have this same conversation in less than 5 minutes and then get to talking about something else, but imagine trying to tell someone on here about the yoga workout you did two days ago. This is no way to build a spark. In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. 2. Keep things that could be on your bio out of a first message. Putting your interests, the fact you always smell good, the fact you're a professional etc etc in a message is honestly a waste of vital real estate. It reeks of being copy and pasted to anything with a pulse within 20 miles (which is okay sometimes but I'll get to that later). Don't just assume that the people you message are not going to read your profile and therefore you need to bombard them with as much information about yourself as possible in your first message. I promise you, people look. Many, MANY people look in stealth mode so it might not seem like they look, but they do. Unless a message really, really offends to the point where I block straightaway, I will always look at the profile that has sent me a message (in stealth mode). Instead, focus your effort on including this information in your bio. This is where people go to learn about you and what you are looking for. Use the first message to highlight something that you might have resonated with on someone's profile; this is important in three ways: 1) it gives you a chance to talk about yourself, thereby 2) giving you a chance to turn that message into a full blown conversation and 3) showing the person that you have read their profile, which leads me to: 3. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BIO. It's there for a reason. I thought really long and hard about what information should go in my bio, whether it was relevant, what the tone of it should be, the type of people I am trying to attract with it etc etc. It is there to be read and taken into consideration. I am not on here to find a one off fuck. No offence but there are plenty of men on here who, as arrogant as it sounds, will very willingly fuck me. And yes, I am aware that that is only because I have a functioning vagina. Some of them may even be good in bed. So if I just wanted one night of passion, I would go for one of them. I want the person who is interested in the type of person I am. Who, even though they might not be interested in dating me (this is a swinging site after all yadda yadda yadda), is still the type of person I would want to spend all afternoon with chatting, eating and fucking. This is supposed to be fun. I want to feel good about the choices I am making on here. Going to someone's house or hotel for a quickie at 2am does not make me feel good. I want to have experiences from here, not bad memories. I want someone who thinks that sex with me is worth at least some effort. Contrary to the belief a lot of people have about bigger girls, I do like to take care of myself and look well put together. I spend on average 2-3 hours getting ready for a meet, making sure I look crazy bangable and then spend time on top of that travelling because I can't accommodate. If I have chosen to meet you I can guarantee I have spent time stressing over what to wear, what to eat that day so as to not be too bloated/have bad breath/smell or taste bad down there (I like garlic, folks), Google Mapsing a suitable place down the road from your house to pull over and switch from my trainers to heels without you seeing. In short, I have put major TIME into it. If you cannot put aside one minute of your life to read my bio then why should any of that be worth it? If anything, reading someone's profile is more likely to get you a reply. I feel like a lot of people who complain on here have more of an issue with not receiving the closure that comes with rejection rather than the rejection itself. If I see that someone has very obviously gone to the effort of reading mine then I will also take the time to say a polite thanks but no thanks. If you are looking for a quick shag that won't care if you read their profile or not then by all means, disregard this point (or indeed, this whole post). You will probably find them. It will just take you a hell of a long time. 4. Don't mention sex. Yes, this is a swinging site. Or a hookup site if you're single. But we are still people. Don't reduce anyone to a sexual object (unless they have specifically expressed a desire for this). First of all, it makes you look hella thirsty, and that is not a good look on anyone. Secondly, it's fucking intimidating. Asking a stranger if they fancy a fuck is akin to catcalling someone on the street. And that, my friends, is 100% of the time a scary experience. I appreciate that the majority of men would LOVE receiving an essay from a woman about all the things they want to do to them sexually. But they have not grown up and lived with the same societal fears and pressures that women have. Once you get to know someone and it's looking like there might be a chance of a meet then by all means get your flirt on. In fact, approach the matter the same way you would on a dating site or app. I see a lot of men complaining that they get more action on Tinder/Bumble/OKC/PoF than on here. Why do you think that is? What are the differences in your approaches across all these platforms? And if they are different, why? I am also on some of these apps and can tell you that I am treated far more like a human woman with independent thoughts and feelings and just basic respect on dating sites than I am on here. But what is the difference in looking for casual sex on PoF versus on here? Are we now just sexual objects because of the acceptance of nudes and expression of sexual interests and kinks on here? Something to think about... 5. Have good photos. As I said in point no. 2, people check profiles. Make sure your profiles are tasteful and don't just have dick pics up. There are ways of showing off your body and penis without comparing it to a Lynx can. Mind-blowing, I know. If for whatever reason you don't have public photos available on your profile (IMO there is no good reason for this but that's another matter) then at least make sure you have attached some good quality photos to your opening message. Preferably a clear photo with no filters and that doesn't look like it's been taken with a brick. You are asking someone to give you their time and consideration, at the very least they should know what you look like. 6. Proofread, proofread and proofread again. Check your spelling. Check your your/you'res, there/theirs and discrete/discreets. Especially if you're copying and pasting. I have received so many messages that open with "hey guys", clearly not having been edited from when they were sent to a couple before they were sent to me. Or messages addressed to someone with a different name. And when I call the sender up on it, they usually claim it was autocorrect. Yeah, right
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing! "Theres some People with lots of free time in hands  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Am I the only one that doesn’t really want a long first message. I’m quite happy with a couple of lines saying hello I don’t like one word messages, and I don’t like fancy a fuck messages but I’m happy with a few lines and then if I choose to answer then they can get specific to my profile from there " No you're not. We are quite happy with a brief introduction, it's how it continues from there that is how we make a decision to meet or not. We've found that it's often the case that people can't maintain the quality of a first message if it doesn't reflect their true style of interaction. Of course it's very different experience for a couple in their 60s compared to single women. I realise this is aimed at being able to quickly decide who to engage with... or not | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"To be honest with you 1000% hello how are you would you like to chat It’s probably about all I ever message on hear And hear is why and some are not going to like this But I have took the time to write witty message took the time to read profile and includ things off the profiles in to the message to show I have read it I have included things about my self I done the cheese chat up lines Did I get a response 9/10 nope read / delete What’s the point off making such a effort to read a profile and send personal message when all it’s going to get is read delete/ not read and delete And please don’t give me the ooo I get hundreds off message a day I use to by those bs lines Uptill I started looking at the forums and reading the posts about how meny people have looked at you and how meny message a day to you get and release That I am in the top % off message and looked at and I managed to reply to everyone even if it’s a no thanks happy swinging and if they keep pushing I just hit the block bottom that’s what it’s there for So basically the how’s you message are down to the masses inability to repay back to a personal message or a read profile This thread was totally my opinion and not a 100% foolproof way to get replies. If your approach is what works for you then that's great "I understand but I just saying maybe why there’s so meny hi how are you would you like to chat message on hear is because the last 10 20 30 40 odd personal message just get binned people start to get frustrated by puting though in to message and geting thrown away they just reasort to a simple copy and paste message and if get a reply back then the personal message | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"This is excellent advice OP, very eloquently articulated! My only reservation is, whilst it is very useful for messaging and dating on many platforms, I question whether following this will make much of a difference on fab. From my experience trying to reach out and message on fab, it seems since women are flooded with messages, unless you have great pictures (a model model or monster cock) your message gets overlooked. Not saying women are shallow and only go for looks but pictures are used as a first stage filter, simply because they have so many messages they must find some way of filtering them down. I will try to be more conscious of your advise and thank for taking the time to write it. I think it will help on other apps and in person meets but on fab I'm sceptical now much difference it will make. I'll give you an example from personal experience and observation. I've noticed a private reply in a forum thread, irrespective of the message content (even not related to the thread at all), will be a successful opening to a conversation 90% of the time. Yet 98% of cold messages will be ignored. This seems to be because a forum reply is another way of filtering messages (subconsciously). I think your advice is useful for stage 2, once the lady has acknowledged your existence and is open to try a chat but most guys are stuck at stage one, as if non existent.
If that is the case maybe think about how your pictures come across and whether you could improve them. Is the lighting good? Are the angles flattering? Is the quality clear and not blurry? Are they mainly of your dick? Do they make you feel good about presenting yourself to someone? Messages are very important but the best first message in the world will not make up for a shit profile, and vice versa. You say that it's easier with model good looks but honestly I have stopped talking or even not replied to super hot Adonises with empty profiles or shit messages before. And I'm a fat girl so I'm not supposed to have any standards!!
And yes like you say it's very important to keep up a high standard even after establishing first contact. "Fair point, I do need to improve my pics...somehow... I'm sure your high standards are even higher on fab, with the male/female ratio, having all the choice and of course I'd expect you to stop talking to a great looking guy once it becomes clear he's a dick/no character or whatever. It's the initial contact that he'll be able to make that someone like me won't. Thanks again for taking time to make this thread | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"This is excellent advice OP, very eloquently articulated! My only reservation is, whilst it is very useful for messaging and dating on many platforms, I question whether following this will make much of a difference on fab. From my experience trying to reach out and message on fab, it seems since women are flooded with messages, unless you have great pictures (a model model or monster cock) your message gets overlooked. Not saying women are shallow and only go for looks but pictures are used as a first stage filter, simply because they have so many messages they must find some way of filtering them down. I will try to be more conscious of your advise and thank for taking the time to write it. I think it will help on other apps and in person meets but on fab I'm sceptical now much difference it will make. I'll give you an example from personal experience and observation. I've noticed a private reply in a forum thread, irrespective of the message content (even not related to the thread at all), will be a successful opening to a conversation 90% of the time. Yet 98% of cold messages will be ignored. This seems to be because a forum reply is another way of filtering messages (subconsciously). I think your advice is useful for stage 2, once the lady has acknowledged your existence and is open to try a chat but most guys are stuck at stage one, as if non existent. "100% this! The advice from the OP is truly great, but its also true to say that as a single guy it doesn't really matter how good your messages are (though bad or effortless ones deserve all they get - not to menion the classless and disrespectful). The only real success i've had has been from engaging in person at socials and attending clubs with female friends met previously. I've been on here on and off for six or seven years and that's remained a constant. People are interested if you have a female friend/partner in tow, but personally I've come to feel pretty wretched on here now otherwise, no matter how much I try to get it right. Bravo to those who are successful though, as you're either a really good looking guy, or have just been given that opportunity to show what you're really made of. A little luck as well as having some class and respect goes a long way if so. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So it's almost noon on a Thursday and instead of studying, doing any of my life admin that desperately needs doing or just generally being a productive member of society I have decided that, after my latest read through the sorry state of my inbox, the best way to procrastinate is by holding a lecture on what the best way (in my opinion) to approach someone on here is. In today's in depth look at fab messaging I will try to explain not just the WHAT but also the HOW and the WHY. Note these are my own personal opinions and not to be taken as 100% fact (although I do have a feeling this will resonate with many fabbers who receive messages). 1. Avoid anything in the vein of "hey/hey how are you/how you doing/how's you (my personal least favourite)". Yes I know this has been said countless times on forums but it's still so so true. I get that it can be really hard to start a conversation and sometimes a greeting is really the only way you can go. I am even guilty of it myself sometimes on platforms like Bumble or Kik. The thing is that the fab messaging service doesn't really allow for small talk the way that quick-fire instant messaging platforms do. Imagine waiting hours or even days for someone to reply "hey, good thanks, you?" before then asking them how fab/lockdown has been treating them. On WhatsApp you can have this same conversation in less than 5 minutes and then get to talking about something else, but imagine trying to tell someone on here about the yoga workout you did two days ago. This is no way to build a spark. In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. 2. Keep things that could be on your bio out of a first message. Putting your interests, the fact you always smell good, the fact you're a professional etc etc in a message is honestly a waste of vital real estate. It reeks of being copy and pasted to anything with a pulse within 20 miles (which is okay sometimes but I'll get to that later). Don't just assume that the people you message are not going to read your profile and therefore you need to bombard them with as much information about yourself as possible in your first message. I promise you, people look. Many, MANY people look in stealth mode so it might not seem like they look, but they do. Unless a message really, really offends to the point where I block straightaway, I will always look at the profile that has sent me a message (in stealth mode). Instead, focus your effort on including this information in your bio. This is where people go to learn about you and what you are looking for. Use the first message to highlight something that you might have resonated with on someone's profile; this is important in three ways: 1) it gives you a chance to talk about yourself, thereby 2) giving you a chance to turn that message into a full blown conversation and 3) showing the person that you have read their profile, which leads me to: 3. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BIO. It's there for a reason. I thought really long and hard about what information should go in my bio, whether it was relevant, what the tone of it should be, the type of people I am trying to attract with it etc etc. It is there to be read and taken into consideration. I am not on here to find a one off fuck. No offence but there are plenty of men on here who, as arrogant as it sounds, will very willingly fuck me. And yes, I am aware that that is only because I have a functioning vagina. Some of them may even be good in bed. So if I just wanted one night of passion, I would go for one of them. I want the person who is interested in the type of person I am. Who, even though they might not be interested in dating me (this is a swinging site after all yadda yadda yadda), is still the type of person I would want to spend all afternoon with chatting, eating and fucking. This is supposed to be fun. I want to feel good about the choices I am making on here. Going to someone's house or hotel for a quickie at 2am does not make me feel good. I want to have experiences from here, not bad memories. I want someone who thinks that sex with me is worth at least some effort. Contrary to the belief a lot of people have about bigger girls, I do like to take care of myself and look well put together. I spend on average 2-3 hours getting ready for a meet, making sure I look crazy bangable and then spend time on top of that travelling because I can't accommodate. If I have chosen to meet you I can guarantee I have spent time stressing over what to wear, what to eat that day so as to not be too bloated/have bad breath/smell or taste bad down there (I like garlic, folks), Google Mapsing a suitable place down the road from your house to pull over and switch from my trainers to heels without you seeing. In short, I have put major TIME into it. If you cannot put aside one minute of your life to read my bio then why should any of that be worth it? If anything, reading someone's profile is more likely to get you a reply. I feel like a lot of people who complain on here have more of an issue with not receiving the closure that comes with rejection rather than the rejection itself. If I see that someone has very obviously gone to the effort of reading mine then I will also take the time to say a polite thanks but no thanks. If you are looking for a quick shag that won't care if you read their profile or not then by all means, disregard this point (or indeed, this whole post). You will probably find them. It will just take you a hell of a long time. 4. Don't mention sex. Yes, this is a swinging site. Or a hookup site if you're single. But we are still people. Don't reduce anyone to a sexual object (unless they have specifically expressed a desire for this). First of all, it makes you look hella thirsty, and that is not a good look on anyone. Secondly, it's fucking intimidating. Asking a stranger if they fancy a fuck is akin to catcalling someone on the street. And that, my friends, is 100% of the time a scary experience. I appreciate that the majority of men would LOVE receiving an essay from a woman about all the things they want to do to them sexually. But they have not grown up and lived with the same societal fears and pressures that women have. Once you get to know someone and it's looking like there might be a chance of a meet then by all means get your flirt on. In fact, approach the matter the same way you would on a dating site or app. I see a lot of men complaining that they get more action on Tinder/Bumble/OKC/PoF than on here. Why do you think that is? What are the differences in your approaches across all these platforms? And if they are different, why? I am also on some of these apps and can tell you that I am treated far more like a human woman with independent thoughts and feelings and just basic respect on dating sites than I am on here. But what is the difference in looking for casual sex on PoF versus on here? Are we now just sexual objects because of the acceptance of nudes and expression of sexual interests and kinks on here? Something to think about... 5. Have good photos. As I said in point no. 2, people check profiles. Make sure your profiles are tasteful and don't just have dick pics up. There are ways of showing off your body and penis without comparing it to a Lynx can. Mind-blowing, I know. If for whatever reason you don't have public photos available on your profile (IMO there is no good reason for this but that's another matter) then at least make sure you have attached some good quality photos to your opening message. Preferably a clear photo with no filters and that doesn't look like it's been taken with a brick. You are asking someone to give you their time and consideration, at the very least they should know what you look like. 6. Proofread, proofread and proofread again. Check your spelling. Check your your/you'res, there/theirs and discrete/discreets. Especially if you're copying and pasting. I have received so many messages that open with "hey guys", clearly not having been edited from when they were sent to a couple before they were sent to me. Or messages addressed to someone with a different name. And when I call the sender up on it, they usually claim it was autocorrect. Yeah, right
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing! " | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Thanks for taking the time out to do it. Burning question though, did you sort out the hot mess? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"This is very informative Thanks for taking the time out to do it. Burning question though, did you sort out the hot mess? "Nope getting hotter and messier by the day | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"No offence op but that might work for you but not everyone & you kinda contradict yourself too, lets face it women will bot reply to a message unless the guy is an adonis regardless of if hes out alot of time & effort in so in conclusion what you say is irrelavant "No offence but I have seen you say this on so many threads, obviously you have made your mind up that this is always the case and nothing I can say that will change that so I won't try | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" No offence but I have seen you say this on so many threads, obviously you have made your mind up that this is always the case and nothing I can say that will change that so I won't try "Re read your original post you pretty much admit it | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Just a question on point 1. I admit i will always start a message with hi, how you doing? Then i will add a couple of lines _ased on the profile. Are you saying this is a no go?" No of course not. A greeting is not offensive in any way, my gripe is just that it is really hard to reply to because conversation can't flow on here like it would in a real life setting. Normally you'd be like "oh hey you okay?" and the conversation would naturally progress but on here it's just not worth waiting hours for someone to go "I'm good thanks, you?". Does that make sense lol sorry I know I tend to go on a bit  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Really good post OP. I agree.... but also disagree. It reminds me of that bloke who teaches incels how to pick up women. I don't want them being taught how to behave so they can get a shag. I want them to be themselves so I can see their crap, disrespectful first message and immediately avoid them. X" I see your point but also I think that the kind of guys you are referring to are not the type who would willingly accept advice or even think that they need to change their approach in any way, i.e it's always everybody else's fault and not theirs. I think for the majority of men who are struggling the fact is that they are probably perfectly nice and respectful in real life but unfortunately real life social skills are not directly transferable to a site like this. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" No offence but I have seen you say this on so many threads, obviously you have made your mind up that this is always the case and nothing I can say that will change that so I won't try
Re read your original post you pretty much admit it "OK | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Just a question on point 1. I admit i will always start a message with hi, how you doing? Then i will add a couple of lines _ased on the profile. Are you saying this is a no go? No of course not. A greeting is not offensive in any way, my gripe is just that it is really hard to reply to because conversation can't flow on here like it would in a real life setting. Normally you'd be like "oh hey you okay?" and the conversation would naturally progress but on here it's just not worth waiting hours for someone to go "I'm good thanks, you?". Does that make sense lol sorry I know I tend to go on a bit "I get that i just always like to use it as a polite opening. I hate sending 1 liners but still working on the best format. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" No offence but I have seen you say this on so many threads, obviously you have made your mind up that this is always the case and nothing I can say that will change that so I won't try
Re read your original post you pretty much admit it
OK "In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. In your own words | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" No offence but I have seen you say this on so many threads, obviously you have made your mind up that this is always the case and nothing I can say that will change that so I won't try
Re read your original post you pretty much admit it
OK
In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth.
In your own words "Yep | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Well put! I totally agree and I also try to add as much on my profile as possible to try to give an idea of what we are looking for and it’s nice when guys mention something that is in there to show they have read it for example “i know you can’t meet at the drop of a hat” just this will show me they have taken the time to read our profile! And no where does it state I like to be called a whore, slut etc this is a massive turn off for me! I’ve never been called that so much in my life as I have had on this site! I know some like it And each to their own but in first messages I feel it’s bad taste just my opinion and will get instantly deleted! Come on guys make an effort even just a few lines to show you genuinely have interest in getting to know us! " Yeah there's something about the basic act of being on here that makes a lot of men think it's okay to call us those things. I get that some people do like it but they usually mention it on their profiles. It's crazy because those same men would probably never dream of going up to a woman in real life and calling her a slut! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" No offence but I have seen you say this on so many threads, obviously you have made your mind up that this is always the case and nothing I can say that will change that so I won't try
Re read your original post you pretty much admit it
OK
In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth.
In your own words
Yep " | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Well put! I totally agree and I also try to add as much on my profile as possible to try to give an idea of what we are looking for and it’s nice when guys mention something that is in there to show they have read it for example “i know you can’t meet at the drop of a hat” just this will show me they have taken the time to read our profile! And no where does it state I like to be called a whore, slut etc this is a massive turn off for me! I’ve never been called that so much in my life as I have had on this site! I know some like it And each to their own but in first messages I feel it’s bad taste just my opinion and will get instantly deleted! Come on guys make an effort even just a few lines to show you genuinely have interest in getting to know us! Yeah there's something about the basic act of being on here that makes a lot of men think it's okay to call us those things. I get that some people do like it but they usually mention it on their profiles. It's crazy because those same men would probably never dream of going up to a woman in real life and calling her a slut! " You couldn't be more right. It's highly doubtful they would face to face in the Fab world either. Pathetic little boys who never learned how to treat a woman - sad! This post is really good advice, but should be obvious to any intelligent man. That being said it won't make a real difference, no matter what, as the numbers game means men are hugely disposable. The truth is you have to either have the hide of a Rhino (in which case chances are you're probably the kind of person this is directed at), or you eventually lose faith (and confidence) due to such little positive response to the effort you put in. Ultimately its down to a) physical attraction initially - and b) the overwhelming numbers game, leaving clubs and socials (when they finally return). The outlook isn't the brightest unless you're a couple or a single female. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Well put! I totally agree and I also try to add as much on my profile as possible to try to give an idea of what we are looking for and it’s nice when guys mention something that is in there to show they have read it for example “i know you can’t meet at the drop of a hat” just this will show me they have taken the time to read our profile! And no where does it state I like to be called a whore, slut etc this is a massive turn off for me! I’ve never been called that so much in my life as I have had on this site! I know some like it And each to their own but in first messages I feel it’s bad taste just my opinion and will get instantly deleted! Come on guys make an effort even just a few lines to show you genuinely have interest in getting to know us! Yeah there's something about the basic act of being on here that makes a lot of men think it's okay to call us those things. I get that some people do like it but they usually mention it on their profiles. It's crazy because those same men would probably never dream of going up to a woman in real life and calling her a slut! You couldn't be more right. It's highly doubtful they would face to face in the Fab world either. Pathetic little boys who never learned how to treat a woman - sad! This post is really good advice, but should be obvious to any intelligent man. That being said it won't make a real difference, no matter what, as the numbers game means men are hugely disposable. The truth is you have to either have the hide of a Rhino (in which case chances are you're probably the kind of person this is directed at), or you eventually lose faith (and confidence) due to such little positive response to the effort you put in. Ultimately its down to a) physical attraction initially - and b) the overwhelming numbers game, leaving clubs and socials (when they finally return). The outlook isn't the brightest unless you're a couple or a single female. " It's not just couple's or females, you're underestimating the attention TV's get from admirers here  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Well put! I totally agree and I also try to add as much on my profile as possible to try to give an idea of what we are looking for and it’s nice when guys mention something that is in there to show they have read it for example “i know you can’t meet at the drop of a hat” just this will show me they have taken the time to read our profile! And no where does it state I like to be called a whore, slut etc this is a massive turn off for me! I’ve never been called that so much in my life as I have had on this site! I know some like it And each to their own but in first messages I feel it’s bad taste just my opinion and will get instantly deleted! Come on guys make an effort even just a few lines to show you genuinely have interest in getting to know us! Yeah there's something about the basic act of being on here that makes a lot of men think it's okay to call us those things. I get that some people do like it but they usually mention it on their profiles. It's crazy because those same men would probably never dream of going up to a woman in real life and calling her a slut! You couldn't be more right. It's highly doubtful they would face to face in the Fab world either. Pathetic little boys who never learned how to treat a woman - sad! This post is really good advice, but should be obvious to any intelligent man. That being said it won't make a real difference, no matter what, as the numbers game means men are hugely disposable. The truth is you have to either have the hide of a Rhino (in which case chances are you're probably the kind of person this is directed at), or you eventually lose faith (and confidence) due to such little positive response to the effort you put in. Ultimately its down to a) physical attraction initially - and b) the overwhelming numbers game, leaving clubs and socials (when they finally return). The outlook isn't the brightest unless you're a couple or a single female. It's not just couple's or females, you're underestimating the attention TV's get from admirers here "I stand corrected. Doesn't change the fact that men are often seen as 'ten a penny, disposable and according to a couple i know '......of very little value'. As an example I've been 'stood up' twice by the same couple who have had a better offer at short notice and not even had the decency to let me know they weren't going to turn up, then posting photos of their previous nights meet the next day. I suspect its not a rarity. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Really good post OP. I agree.... but also disagree. It reminds me of that bloke who teaches incels how to pick up women. I don't want them being taught how to behave so they can get a shag. I want them to be themselves so I can see their crap, disrespectful first message and immediately avoid them. X I see your point but also I think that the kind of guys you are referring to are not the type who would willingly accept advice or even think that they need to change their approach in any way, i.e it's always everybody else's fault and not theirs. I think for the majority of men who are struggling the fact is that they are probably perfectly nice and respectful in real life but unfortunately real life social skills are not directly transferable to a site like this. " Fair point | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So it's almost noon on a Thursday and instead of studying, doing any of my life admin that desperately needs doing or just generally being a productive member of society I have decided that, after my latest read through the sorry state of my inbox, the best way to procrastinate is by holding a lecture on what the best way (in my opinion) to approach someone on here is. In today's in depth look at fab messaging I will try to explain not just the WHAT but also the HOW and the WHY. Note these are my own personal opinions and not to be taken as 100% fact (although I do have a feeling this will resonate with many fabbers who receive messages). 1. Avoid anything in the vein of "hey/hey how are you/how you doing/how's you (my personal least favourite)". Yes I know this has been said countless times on forums but it's still so so true. I get that it can be really hard to start a conversation and sometimes a greeting is really the only way you can go. I am even guilty of it myself sometimes on platforms like Bumble or Kik. The thing is that the fab messaging service doesn't really allow for small talk the way that quick-fire instant messaging platforms do. Imagine waiting hours or even days for someone to reply "hey, good thanks, you?" before then asking them how fab/lockdown has been treating them. On WhatsApp you can have this same conversation in less than 5 minutes and then get to talking about something else, but imagine trying to tell someone on here about the yoga workout you did two days ago. This is no way to build a spark. In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. 2. Keep things that could be on your bio out of a first message. Putting your interests, the fact you always smell good, the fact you're a professional etc etc in a message is honestly a waste of vital real estate. It reeks of being copy and pasted to anything with a pulse within 20 miles (which is okay sometimes but I'll get to that later). Don't just assume that the people you message are not going to read your profile and therefore you need to bombard them with as much information about yourself as possible in your first message. I promise you, people look. Many, MANY people look in stealth mode so it might not seem like they look, but they do. Unless a message really, really offends to the point where I block straightaway, I will always look at the profile that has sent me a message (in stealth mode). Instead, focus your effort on including this information in your bio. This is where people go to learn about you and what you are looking for. Use the first message to highlight something that you might have resonated with on someone's profile; this is important in three ways: 1) it gives you a chance to talk about yourself, thereby 2) giving you a chance to turn that message into a full blown conversation and 3) showing the person that you have read their profile, which leads me to: 3. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BIO. It's there for a reason. I thought really long and hard about what information should go in my bio, whether it was relevant, what the tone of it should be, the type of people I am trying to attract with it etc etc. It is there to be read and taken into consideration. I am not on here to find a one off fuck. No offence but there are plenty of men on here who, as arrogant as it sounds, will very willingly fuck me. And yes, I am aware that that is only because I have a functioning vagina. Some of them may even be good in bed. So if I just wanted one night of passion, I would go for one of them. I want the person who is interested in the type of person I am. Who, even though they might not be interested in dating me (this is a swinging site after all yadda yadda yadda), is still the type of person I would want to spend all afternoon with chatting, eating and fucking. This is supposed to be fun. I want to feel good about the choices I am making on here. Going to someone's house or hotel for a quickie at 2am does not make me feel good. I want to have experiences from here, not bad memories. I want someone who thinks that sex with me is worth at least some effort. Contrary to the belief a lot of people have about bigger girls, I do like to take care of myself and look well put together. I spend on average 2-3 hours getting ready for a meet, making sure I look crazy bangable and then spend time on top of that travelling because I can't accommodate. If I have chosen to meet you I can guarantee I have spent time stressing over what to wear, what to eat that day so as to not be too bloated/have bad breath/smell or taste bad down there (I like garlic, folks), Google Mapsing a suitable place down the road from your house to pull over and switch from my trainers to heels without you seeing. In short, I have put major TIME into it. If you cannot put aside one minute of your life to read my bio then why should any of that be worth it? If anything, reading someone's profile is more likely to get you a reply. I feel like a lot of people who complain on here have more of an issue with not receiving the closure that comes with rejection rather than the rejection itself. If I see that someone has very obviously gone to the effort of reading mine then I will also take the time to say a polite thanks but no thanks. If you are looking for a quick shag that won't care if you read their profile or not then by all means, disregard this point (or indeed, this whole post). You will probably find them. It will just take you a hell of a long time. 4. Don't mention sex. Yes, this is a swinging site. Or a hookup site if you're single. But we are still people. Don't reduce anyone to a sexual object (unless they have specifically expressed a desire for this). First of all, it makes you look hella thirsty, and that is not a good look on anyone. Secondly, it's fucking intimidating. Asking a stranger if they fancy a fuck is akin to catcalling someone on the street. And that, my friends, is 100% of the time a scary experience. I appreciate that the majority of men would LOVE receiving an essay from a woman about all the things they want to do to them sexually. But they have not grown up and lived with the same societal fears and pressures that women have. Once you get to know someone and it's looking like there might be a chance of a meet then by all means get your flirt on. In fact, approach the matter the same way you would on a dating site or app. I see a lot of men complaining that they get more action on Tinder/Bumble/OKC/PoF than on here. Why do you think that is? What are the differences in your approaches across all these platforms? And if they are different, why? I am also on some of these apps and can tell you that I am treated far more like a human woman with independent thoughts and feelings and just basic respect on dating sites than I am on here. But what is the difference in looking for casual sex on PoF versus on here? Are we now just sexual objects because of the acceptance of nudes and expression of sexual interests and kinks on here? Something to think about... 5. Have good photos. As I said in point no. 2, people check profiles. Make sure your profiles are tasteful and don't just have dick pics up. There are ways of showing off your body and penis without comparing it to a Lynx can. Mind-blowing, I know. If for whatever reason you don't have public photos available on your profile (IMO there is no good reason for this but that's another matter) then at least make sure you have attached some good quality photos to your opening message. Preferably a clear photo with no filters and that doesn't look like it's been taken with a brick. You are asking someone to give you their time and consideration, at the very least they should know what you look like. 6. Proofread, proofread and proofread again. Check your spelling. Check your your/you'res, there/theirs and discrete/discreets. Especially if you're copying and pasting. I have received so many messages that open with "hey guys", clearly not having been edited from when they were sent to a couple before they were sent to me. Or messages addressed to someone with a different name. And when I call the sender up on it, they usually claim it was autocorrect. Yeah, right
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing! "Phew.... Good read OP and very well written with some good advice Happy Fabbing X | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So it's almost noon on a Thursday and instead of studying, doing any of my life admin that desperately needs doing or just generally being a productive member of society I have decided that, after my latest read through the sorry state of my inbox, the best way to procrastinate is by holding a lecture on what the best way (in my opinion) to approach someone on here is. In today's in depth look at fab messaging I will try to explain not just the WHAT but also the HOW and the WHY. Note these are my own personal opinions and not to be taken as 100% fact (although I do have a feeling this will resonate with many fabbers who receive messages). 1. Avoid anything in the vein of "hey/hey how are you/how you doing/how's you (my personal least favourite)". Yes I know this has been said countless times on forums but it's still so so true. I get that it can be really hard to start a conversation and sometimes a greeting is really the only way you can go. I am even guilty of it myself sometimes on platforms like Bumble or Kik. The thing is that the fab messaging service doesn't really allow for small talk the way that quick-fire instant messaging platforms do. Imagine waiting hours or even days for someone to reply "hey, good thanks, you?" before then asking them how fab/lockdown has been treating them. On WhatsApp you can have this same conversation in less than 5 minutes and then get to talking about something else, but imagine trying to tell someone on here about the yoga workout you did two days ago. This is no way to build a spark. In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. 2. Keep things that could be on your bio out of a first message. Putting your interests, the fact you always smell good, the fact you're a professional etc etc in a message is honestly a waste of vital real estate. It reeks of being copy and pasted to anything with a pulse within 20 miles (which is okay sometimes but I'll get to that later). Don't just assume that the people you message are not going to read your profile and therefore you need to bombard them with as much information about yourself as possible in your first message. I promise you, people look. Many, MANY people look in stealth mode so it might not seem like they look, but they do. Unless a message really, really offends to the point where I block straightaway, I will always look at the profile that has sent me a message (in stealth mode). Instead, focus your effort on including this information in your bio. This is where people go to learn about you and what you are looking for. Use the first message to highlight something that you might have resonated with on someone's profile; this is important in three ways: 1) it gives you a chance to talk about yourself, thereby 2) giving you a chance to turn that message into a full blown conversation and 3) showing the person that you have read their profile, which leads me to: 3. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BIO. It's there for a reason. I thought really long and hard about what information should go in my bio, whether it was relevant, what the tone of it should be, the type of people I am trying to attract with it etc etc. It is there to be read and taken into consideration. I am not on here to find a one off fuck. No offence but there are plenty of men on here who, as arrogant as it sounds, will very willingly fuck me. And yes, I am aware that that is only because I have a functioning vagina. Some of them may even be good in bed. So if I just wanted one night of passion, I would go for one of them. I want the person who is interested in the type of person I am. Who, even though they might not be interested in dating me (this is a swinging site after all yadda yadda yadda), is still the type of person I would want to spend all afternoon with chatting, eating and fucking. This is supposed to be fun. I want to feel good about the choices I am making on here. Going to someone's house or hotel for a quickie at 2am does not make me feel good. I want to have experiences from here, not bad memories. I want someone who thinks that sex with me is worth at least some effort. Contrary to the belief a lot of people have about bigger girls, I do like to take care of myself and look well put together. I spend on average 2-3 hours getting ready for a meet, making sure I look crazy bangable and then spend time on top of that travelling because I can't accommodate. If I have chosen to meet you I can guarantee I have spent time stressing over what to wear, what to eat that day so as to not be too bloated/have bad breath/smell or taste bad down there (I like garlic, folks), Google Mapsing a suitable place down the road from your house to pull over and switch from my trainers to heels without you seeing. In short, I have put major TIME into it. If you cannot put aside one minute of your life to read my bio then why should any of that be worth it? If anything, reading someone's profile is more likely to get you a reply. I feel like a lot of people who complain on here have more of an issue with not receiving the closure that comes with rejection rather than the rejection itself. If I see that someone has very obviously gone to the effort of reading mine then I will also take the time to say a polite thanks but no thanks. If you are looking for a quick shag that won't care if you read their profile or not then by all means, disregard this point (or indeed, this whole post). You will probably find them. It will just take you a hell of a long time. 4. Don't mention sex. Yes, this is a swinging site. Or a hookup site if you're single. But we are still people. Don't reduce anyone to a sexual object (unless they have specifically expressed a desire for this). First of all, it makes you look hella thirsty, and that is not a good look on anyone. Secondly, it's fucking intimidating. Asking a stranger if they fancy a fuck is akin to catcalling someone on the street. And that, my friends, is 100% of the time a scary experience. I appreciate that the majority of men would LOVE receiving an essay from a woman about all the things they want to do to them sexually. But they have not grown up and lived with the same societal fears and pressures that women have. Once you get to know someone and it's looking like there might be a chance of a meet then by all means get your flirt on. In fact, approach the matter the same way you would on a dating site or app. I see a lot of men complaining that they get more action on Tinder/Bumble/OKC/PoF than on here. Why do you think that is? What are the differences in your approaches across all these platforms? And if they are different, why? I am also on some of these apps and can tell you that I am treated far more like a human woman with independent thoughts and feelings and just basic respect on dating sites than I am on here. But what is the difference in looking for casual sex on PoF versus on here? Are we now just sexual objects because of the acceptance of nudes and expression of sexual interests and kinks on here? Something to think about... 5. Have good photos. As I said in point no. 2, people check profiles. Make sure your profiles are tasteful and don't just have dick pics up. There are ways of showing off your body and penis without comparing it to a Lynx can. Mind-blowing, I know. If for whatever reason you don't have public photos available on your profile (IMO there is no good reason for this but that's another matter) then at least make sure you have attached some good quality photos to your opening message. Preferably a clear photo with no filters and that doesn't look like it's been taken with a brick. You are asking someone to give you their time and consideration, at the very least they should know what you look like. 6. Proofread, proofread and proofread again. Check your spelling. Check your your/you'res, there/theirs and discrete/discreets. Especially if you're copying and pasting. I have received so many messages that open with "hey guys", clearly not having been edited from when they were sent to a couple before they were sent to me. Or messages addressed to someone with a different name. And when I call the sender up on it, they usually claim it was autocorrect. Yeah, right
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing! "I love this. It needs constant bumping up. Everyone needs to read and consider this before messaging. Especially if you want to attempt to get us in bed. x | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So it's almost noon on a Thursday and instead of studying, doing any of my life admin that desperately needs doing or just generally being a productive member of society I have decided that, after my latest read through the sorry state of my inbox, the best way to procrastinate is by holding a lecture on what the best way (in my opinion) to approach someone on here is. In today's in depth look at fab messaging I will try to explain not just the WHAT but also the HOW and the WHY. Note these are my own personal opinions and not to be taken as 100% fact (although I do have a feeling this will resonate with many fabbers who receive messages). 1. Avoid anything in the vein of "hey/hey how are you/how you doing/how's you (my personal least favourite)". Yes I know this has been said countless times on forums but it's still so so true. I get that it can be really hard to start a conversation and sometimes a greeting is really the only way you can go. I am even guilty of it myself sometimes on platforms like Bumble or Kik. The thing is that the fab messaging service doesn't really allow for small talk the way that quick-fire instant messaging platforms do. Imagine waiting hours or even days for someone to reply "hey, good thanks, you?" before then asking them how fab/lockdown has been treating them. On WhatsApp you can have this same conversation in less than 5 minutes and then get to talking about something else, but imagine trying to tell someone on here about the yoga workout you did two days ago. This is no way to build a spark. In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. 2. Keep things that could be on your bio out of a first message. Putting your interests, the fact you always smell good, the fact you're a professional etc etc in a message is honestly a waste of vital real estate. It reeks of being copy and pasted to anything with a pulse within 20 miles (which is okay sometimes but I'll get to that later). Don't just assume that the people you message are not going to read your profile and therefore you need to bombard them with as much information about yourself as possible in your first message. I promise you, people look. Many, MANY people look in stealth mode so it might not seem like they look, but they do. Unless a message really, really offends to the point where I block straightaway, I will always look at the profile that has sent me a message (in stealth mode). Instead, focus your effort on including this information in your bio. This is where people go to learn about you and what you are looking for. Use the first message to highlight something that you might have resonated with on someone's profile; this is important in three ways: 1) it gives you a chance to talk about yourself, thereby 2) giving you a chance to turn that message into a full blown conversation and 3) showing the person that you have read their profile, which leads me to: 3. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BIO. It's there for a reason. I thought really long and hard about what information should go in my bio, whether it was relevant, what the tone of it should be, the type of people I am trying to attract with it etc etc. It is there to be read and taken into consideration. I am not on here to find a one off fuck. No offence but there are plenty of men on here who, as arrogant as it sounds, will very willingly fuck me. And yes, I am aware that that is only because I have a functioning vagina. Some of them may even be good in bed. So if I just wanted one night of passion, I would go for one of them. I want the person who is interested in the type of person I am. Who, even though they might not be interested in dating me (this is a swinging site after all yadda yadda yadda), is still the type of person I would want to spend all afternoon with chatting, eating and fucking. This is supposed to be fun. I want to feel good about the choices I am making on here. Going to someone's house or hotel for a quickie at 2am does not make me feel good. I want to have experiences from here, not bad memories. I want someone who thinks that sex with me is worth at least some effort. Contrary to the belief a lot of people have about bigger girls, I do like to take care of myself and look well put together. I spend on average 2-3 hours getting ready for a meet, making sure I look crazy bangable and then spend time on top of that travelling because I can't accommodate. If I have chosen to meet you I can guarantee I have spent time stressing over what to wear, what to eat that day so as to not be too bloated/have bad breath/smell or taste bad down there (I like garlic, folks), Google Mapsing a suitable place down the road from your house to pull over and switch from my trainers to heels without you seeing. In short, I have put major TIME into it. If you cannot put aside one minute of your life to read my bio then why should any of that be worth it? If anything, reading someone's profile is more likely to get you a reply. I feel like a lot of people who complain on here have more of an issue with not receiving the closure that comes with rejection rather than the rejection itself. If I see that someone has very obviously gone to the effort of reading mine then I will also take the time to say a polite thanks but no thanks. If you are looking for a quick shag that won't care if you read their profile or not then by all means, disregard this point (or indeed, this whole post). You will probably find them. It will just take you a hell of a long time. 4. Don't mention sex. Yes, this is a swinging site. Or a hookup site if you're single. But we are still people. Don't reduce anyone to a sexual object (unless they have specifically expressed a desire for this). First of all, it makes you look hella thirsty, and that is not a good look on anyone. Secondly, it's fucking intimidating. Asking a stranger if they fancy a fuck is akin to catcalling someone on the street. And that, my friends, is 100% of the time a scary experience. I appreciate that the majority of men would LOVE receiving an essay from a woman about all the things they want to do to them sexually. But they have not grown up and lived with the same societal fears and pressures that women have. Once you get to know someone and it's looking like there might be a chance of a meet then by all means get your flirt on. In fact, approach the matter the same way you would on a dating site or app. I see a lot of men complaining that they get more action on Tinder/Bumble/OKC/PoF than on here. Why do you think that is? What are the differences in your approaches across all these platforms? And if they are different, why? I am also on some of these apps and can tell you that I am treated far more like a human woman with independent thoughts and feelings and just basic respect on dating sites than I am on here. But what is the difference in looking for casual sex on PoF versus on here? Are we now just sexual objects because of the acceptance of nudes and expression of sexual interests and kinks on here? Something to think about... 5. Have good photos. As I said in point no. 2, people check profiles. Make sure your profiles are tasteful and don't just have dick pics up. There are ways of showing off your body and penis without comparing it to a Lynx can. Mind-blowing, I know. If for whatever reason you don't have public photos available on your profile (IMO there is no good reason for this but that's another matter) then at least make sure you have attached some good quality photos to your opening message. Preferably a clear photo with no filters and that doesn't look like it's been taken with a brick. You are asking someone to give you their time and consideration, at the very least they should know what you look like. 6. Proofread, proofread and proofread again. Check your spelling. Check your your/you'res, there/theirs and discrete/discreets. Especially if you're copying and pasting. I have received so many messages that open with "hey guys", clearly not having been edited from when they were sent to a couple before they were sent to me. Or messages addressed to someone with a different name. And when I call the sender up on it, they usually claim it was autocorrect. Yeah, right
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing! "Keep it short! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So it's almost noon on a Thursday and instead of studying, doing any of my life admin that desperately needs doing or just generally being a productive member of society I have decided that, after my latest read through the sorry state of my inbox, the best way to procrastinate is by holding a lecture on what the best way (in my opinion) to approach someone on here is. In today's in depth look at fab messaging I will try to explain not just the WHAT but also the HOW and the WHY. Note these are my own personal opinions and not to be taken as 100% fact (although I do have a feeling this will resonate with many fabbers who receive messages). 1. Avoid anything in the vein of "hey/hey how are you/how you doing/how's you (my personal least favourite)". Yes I know this has been said countless times on forums but it's still so so true. I get that it can be really hard to start a conversation and sometimes a greeting is really the only way you can go. I am even guilty of it myself sometimes on platforms like Bumble or Kik. The thing is that the fab messaging service doesn't really allow for small talk the way that quick-fire instant messaging platforms do. Imagine waiting hours or even days for someone to reply "hey, good thanks, you?" before then asking them how fab/lockdown has been treating them. On WhatsApp you can have this same conversation in less than 5 minutes and then get to talking about something else, but imagine trying to tell someone on here about the yoga workout you did two days ago. This is no way to build a spark. In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. 2. Keep things that could be on your bio out of a first message. Putting your interests, the fact you always smell good, the fact you're a professional etc etc in a message is honestly a waste of vital real estate. It reeks of being copy and pasted to anything with a pulse within 20 miles (which is okay sometimes but I'll get to that later). Don't just assume that the people you message are not going to read your profile and therefore you need to bombard them with as much information about yourself as possible in your first message. I promise you, people look. Many, MANY people look in stealth mode so it might not seem like they look, but they do. Unless a message really, really offends to the point where I block straightaway, I will always look at the profile that has sent me a message (in stealth mode). Instead, focus your effort on including this information in your bio. This is where people go to learn about you and what you are looking for. Use the first message to highlight something that you might have resonated with on someone's profile; this is important in three ways: 1) it gives you a chance to talk about yourself, thereby 2) giving you a chance to turn that message into a full blown conversation and 3) showing the person that you have read their profile, which leads me to: 3. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BIO. It's there for a reason. I thought really long and hard about what information should go in my bio, whether it was relevant, what the tone of it should be, the type of people I am trying to attract with it etc etc. It is there to be read and taken into consideration. I am not on here to find a one off fuck. No offence but there are plenty of men on here who, as arrogant as it sounds, will very willingly fuck me. And yes, I am aware that that is only because I have a functioning vagina. Some of them may even be good in bed. So if I just wanted one night of passion, I would go for one of them. I want the person who is interested in the type of person I am. Who, even though they might not be interested in dating me (this is a swinging site after all yadda yadda yadda), is still the type of person I would want to spend all afternoon with chatting, eating and fucking. This is supposed to be fun. I want to feel good about the choices I am making on here. Going to someone's house or hotel for a quickie at 2am does not make me feel good. I want to have experiences from here, not bad memories. I want someone who thinks that sex with me is worth at least some effort. Contrary to the belief a lot of people have about bigger girls, I do like to take care of myself and look well put together. I spend on average 2-3 hours getting ready for a meet, making sure I look crazy bangable and then spend time on top of that travelling because I can't accommodate. If I have chosen to meet you I can guarantee I have spent time stressing over what to wear, what to eat that day so as to not be too bloated/have bad breath/smell or taste bad down there (I like garlic, folks), Google Mapsing a suitable place down the road from your house to pull over and switch from my trainers to heels without you seeing. In short, I have put major TIME into it. If you cannot put aside one minute of your life to read my bio then why should any of that be worth it? If anything, reading someone's profile is more likely to get you a reply. I feel like a lot of people who complain on here have more of an issue with not receiving the closure that comes with rejection rather than the rejection itself. If I see that someone has very obviously gone to the effort of reading mine then I will also take the time to say a polite thanks but no thanks. If you are looking for a quick shag that won't care if you read their profile or not then by all means, disregard this point (or indeed, this whole post). You will probably find them. It will just take you a hell of a long time. 4. Don't mention sex. Yes, this is a swinging site. Or a hookup site if you're single. But we are still people. Don't reduce anyone to a sexual object (unless they have specifically expressed a desire for this). First of all, it makes you look hella thirsty, and that is not a good look on anyone. Secondly, it's fucking intimidating. Asking a stranger if they fancy a fuck is akin to catcalling someone on the street. And that, my friends, is 100% of the time a scary experience. I appreciate that the majority of men would LOVE receiving an essay from a woman about all the things they want to do to them sexually. But they have not grown up and lived with the same societal fears and pressures that women have. Once you get to know someone and it's looking like there might be a chance of a meet then by all means get your flirt on. In fact, approach the matter the same way you would on a dating site or app. I see a lot of men complaining that they get more action on Tinder/Bumble/OKC/PoF than on here. Why do you think that is? What are the differences in your approaches across all these platforms? And if they are different, why? I am also on some of these apps and can tell you that I am treated far more like a human woman with independent thoughts and feelings and just basic respect on dating sites than I am on here. But what is the difference in looking for casual sex on PoF versus on here? Are we now just sexual objects because of the acceptance of nudes and expression of sexual interests and kinks on here? Something to think about... 5. Have good photos. As I said in point no. 2, people check profiles. Make sure your profiles are tasteful and don't just have dick pics up. There are ways of showing off your body and penis without comparing it to a Lynx can. Mind-blowing, I know. If for whatever reason you don't have public photos available on your profile (IMO there is no good reason for this but that's another matter) then at least make sure you have attached some good quality photos to your opening message. Preferably a clear photo with no filters and that doesn't look like it's been taken with a brick. You are asking someone to give you their time and consideration, at the very least they should know what you look like. 6. Proofread, proofread and proofread again. Check your spelling. Check your your/you'res, there/theirs and discrete/discreets. Especially if you're copying and pasting. I have received so many messages that open with "hey guys", clearly not having been edited from when they were sent to a couple before they were sent to me. Or messages addressed to someone with a different name. And when I call the sender up on it, they usually claim it was autocorrect. Yeah, right
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing! "Long but interesting read. Thank you xx | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So it's almost noon on a Thursday and instead of studying, doing any of my life admin that desperately needs doing or just generally being a productive member of society I have decided that, after my latest read through the sorry state of my inbox, the best way to procrastinate is by holding a lecture on what the best way (in my opinion) to approach someone on here is. In today's in depth look at fab messaging I will try to explain not just the WHAT but also the HOW and the WHY. Note these are my own personal opinions and not to be taken as 100% fact (although I do have a feeling this will resonate with many fabbers who receive messages). 1. Avoid anything in the vein of "hey/hey how are you/how you doing/how's you (my personal least favourite)". Yes I know this has been said countless times on forums but it's still so so true. I get that it can be really hard to start a conversation and sometimes a greeting is really the only way you can go. I am even guilty of it myself sometimes on platforms like Bumble or Kik. The thing is that the fab messaging service doesn't really allow for small talk the way that quick-fire instant messaging platforms do. Imagine waiting hours or even days for someone to reply "hey, good thanks, you?" before then asking them how fab/lockdown has been treating them. On WhatsApp you can have this same conversation in less than 5 minutes and then get to talking about something else, but imagine trying to tell someone on here about the yoga workout you did two days ago. This is no way to build a spark. In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. 2. Keep things that could be on your bio out of a first message. Putting your interests, the fact you always smell good, the fact you're a professional etc etc in a message is honestly a waste of vital real estate. It reeks of being copy and pasted to anything with a pulse within 20 miles (which is okay sometimes but I'll get to that later). Don't just assume that the people you message are not going to read your profile and therefore you need to bombard them with as much information about yourself as possible in your first message. I promise you, people look. Many, MANY people look in stealth mode so it might not seem like they look, but they do. Unless a message really, really offends to the point where I block straightaway, I will always look at the profile that has sent me a message (in stealth mode). Instead, focus your effort on including this information in your bio. This is where people go to learn about you and what you are looking for. Use the first message to highlight something that you might have resonated with on someone's profile; this is important in three ways: 1) it gives you a chance to talk about yourself, thereby 2) giving you a chance to turn that message into a full blown conversation and 3) showing the person that you have read their profile, which leads me to: 3. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BIO. It's there for a reason. I thought really long and hard about what information should go in my bio, whether it was relevant, what the tone of it should be, the type of people I am trying to attract with it etc etc. It is there to be read and taken into consideration. I am not on here to find a one off fuck. No offence but there are plenty of men on here who, as arrogant as it sounds, will very willingly fuck me. And yes, I am aware that that is only because I have a functioning vagina. Some of them may even be good in bed. So if I just wanted one night of passion, I would go for one of them. I want the person who is interested in the type of person I am. Who, even though they might not be interested in dating me (this is a swinging site after all yadda yadda yadda), is still the type of person I would want to spend all afternoon with chatting, eating and fucking. This is supposed to be fun. I want to feel good about the choices I am making on here. Going to someone's house or hotel for a quickie at 2am does not make me feel good. I want to have experiences from here, not bad memories. I want someone who thinks that sex with me is worth at least some effort. Contrary to the belief a lot of people have about bigger girls, I do like to take care of myself and look well put together. I spend on average 2-3 hours getting ready for a meet, making sure I look crazy bangable and then spend time on top of that travelling because I can't accommodate. If I have chosen to meet you I can guarantee I have spent time stressing over what to wear, what to eat that day so as to not be too bloated/have bad breath/smell or taste bad down there (I like garlic, folks), Google Mapsing a suitable place down the road from your house to pull over and switch from my trainers to heels without you seeing. In short, I have put major TIME into it. If you cannot put aside one minute of your life to read my bio then why should any of that be worth it? If anything, reading someone's profile is more likely to get you a reply. I feel like a lot of people who complain on here have more of an issue with not receiving the closure that comes with rejection rather than the rejection itself. If I see that someone has very obviously gone to the effort of reading mine then I will also take the time to say a polite thanks but no thanks. If you are looking for a quick shag that won't care if you read their profile or not then by all means, disregard this point (or indeed, this whole post). You will probably find them. It will just take you a hell of a long time. 4. Don't mention sex. Yes, this is a swinging site. Or a hookup site if you're single. But we are still people. Don't reduce anyone to a sexual object (unless they have specifically expressed a desire for this). First of all, it makes you look hella thirsty, and that is not a good look on anyone. Secondly, it's fucking intimidating. Asking a stranger if they fancy a fuck is akin to catcalling someone on the street. And that, my friends, is 100% of the time a scary experience. I appreciate that the majority of men would LOVE receiving an essay from a woman about all the things they want to do to them sexually. But they have not grown up and lived with the same societal fears and pressures that women have. Once you get to know someone and it's looking like there might be a chance of a meet then by all means get your flirt on. In fact, approach the matter the same way you would on a dating site or app. I see a lot of men complaining that they get more action on Tinder/Bumble/OKC/PoF than on here. Why do you think that is? What are the differences in your approaches across all these platforms? And if they are different, why? I am also on some of these apps and can tell you that I am treated far more like a human woman with independent thoughts and feelings and just basic respect on dating sites than I am on here. But what is the difference in looking for casual sex on PoF versus on here? Are we now just sexual objects because of the acceptance of nudes and expression of sexual interests and kinks on here? Something to think about... 5. Have good photos. As I said in point no. 2, people check profiles. Make sure your profiles are tasteful and don't just have dick pics up. There are ways of showing off your body and penis without comparing it to a Lynx can. Mind-blowing, I know. If for whatever reason you don't have public photos available on your profile (IMO there is no good reason for this but that's another matter) then at least make sure you have attached some good quality photos to your opening message. Preferably a clear photo with no filters and that doesn't look like it's been taken with a brick. You are asking someone to give you their time and consideration, at the very least they should know what you look like. 6. Proofread, proofread and proofread again. Check your spelling. Check your your/you'res, there/theirs and discrete/discreets. Especially if you're copying and pasting. I have received so many messages that open with "hey guys", clearly not having been edited from when they were sent to a couple before they were sent to me. Or messages addressed to someone with a different name. And when I call the sender up on it, they usually claim it was autocorrect. Yeah, right
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing! " | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So it's almost noon on a Thursday and instead of studying, doing any of my life admin that desperately needs doing or just generally being a productive member of society I have decided that, after my latest read through the sorry state of my inbox, the best way to procrastinate is by holding a lecture on what the best way (in my opinion) to approach someone on here is. In today's in depth look at fab messaging I will try to explain not just the WHAT but also the HOW and the WHY. Note these are my own personal opinions and not to be taken as 100% fact (although I do have a feeling this will resonate with many fabbers who receive messages). 1. Avoid anything in the vein of "hey/hey how are you/how you doing/how's you (my personal least favourite)". Yes I know this has been said countless times on forums but it's still so so true. I get that it can be really hard to start a conversation and sometimes a greeting is really the only way you can go. I am even guilty of it myself sometimes on platforms like Bumble or Kik. The thing is that the fab messaging service doesn't really allow for small talk the way that quick-fire instant messaging platforms do. Imagine waiting hours or even days for someone to reply "hey, good thanks, you?" before then asking them how fab/lockdown has been treating them. On WhatsApp you can have this same conversation in less than 5 minutes and then get to talking about something else, but imagine trying to tell someone on here about the yoga workout you did two days ago. This is no way to build a spark. In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. 2. Keep things that could be on your bio out of a first message. Putting your interests, the fact you always smell good, the fact you're a professional etc etc in a message is honestly a waste of vital real estate. It reeks of being copy and pasted to anything with a pulse within 20 miles (which is okay sometimes but I'll get to that later). Don't just assume that the people you message are not going to read your profile and therefore you need to bombard them with as much information about yourself as possible in your first message. I promise you, people look. Many, MANY people look in stealth mode so it might not seem like they look, but they do. Unless a message really, really offends to the point where I block straightaway, I will always look at the profile that has sent me a message (in stealth mode). Instead, focus your effort on including this information in your bio. This is where people go to learn about you and what you are looking for. Use the first message to highlight something that you might have resonated with on someone's profile; this is important in three ways: 1) it gives you a chance to talk about yourself, thereby 2) giving you a chance to turn that message into a full blown conversation and 3) showing the person that you have read their profile, which leads me to: 3. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BIO. It's there for a reason. I thought really long and hard about what information should go in my bio, whether it was relevant, what the tone of it should be, the type of people I am trying to attract with it etc etc. It is there to be read and taken into consideration. I am not on here to find a one off fuck. No offence but there are plenty of men on here who, as arrogant as it sounds, will very willingly fuck me. And yes, I am aware that that is only because I have a functioning vagina. Some of them may even be good in bed. So if I just wanted one night of passion, I would go for one of them. I want the person who is interested in the type of person I am. Who, even though they might not be interested in dating me (this is a swinging site after all yadda yadda yadda), is still the type of person I would want to spend all afternoon with chatting, eating and fucking. This is supposed to be fun. I want to feel good about the choices I am making on here. Going to someone's house or hotel for a quickie at 2am does not make me feel good. I want to have experiences from here, not bad memories. I want someone who thinks that sex with me is worth at least some effort. Contrary to the belief a lot of people have about bigger girls, I do like to take care of myself and look well put together. I spend on average 2-3 hours getting ready for a meet, making sure I look crazy bangable and then spend time on top of that travelling because I can't accommodate. If I have chosen to meet you I can guarantee I have spent time stressing over what to wear, what to eat that day so as to not be too bloated/have bad breath/smell or taste bad down there (I like garlic, folks), Google Mapsing a suitable place down the road from your house to pull over and switch from my trainers to heels without you seeing. In short, I have put major TIME into it. If you cannot put aside one minute of your life to read my bio then why should any of that be worth it? If anything, reading someone's profile is more likely to get you a reply. I feel like a lot of people who complain on here have more of an issue with not receiving the closure that comes with rejection rather than the rejection itself. If I see that someone has very obviously gone to the effort of reading mine then I will also take the time to say a polite thanks but no thanks. If you are looking for a quick shag that won't care if you read their profile or not then by all means, disregard this point (or indeed, this whole post). You will probably find them. It will just take you a hell of a long time. 4. Don't mention sex. Yes, this is a swinging site. Or a hookup site if you're single. But we are still people. Don't reduce anyone to a sexual object (unless they have specifically expressed a desire for this). First of all, it makes you look hella thirsty, and that is not a good look on anyone. Secondly, it's fucking intimidating. Asking a stranger if they fancy a fuck is akin to catcalling someone on the street. And that, my friends, is 100% of the time a scary experience. I appreciate that the majority of men would LOVE receiving an essay from a woman about all the things they want to do to them sexually. But they have not grown up and lived with the same societal fears and pressures that women have. Once you get to know someone and it's looking like there might be a chance of a meet then by all means get your flirt on. In fact, approach the matter the same way you would on a dating site or app. I see a lot of men complaining that they get more action on Tinder/Bumble/OKC/PoF than on here. Why do you think that is? What are the differences in your approaches across all these platforms? And if they are different, why? I am also on some of these apps and can tell you that I am treated far more like a human woman with independent thoughts and feelings and just basic respect on dating sites than I am on here. But what is the difference in looking for casual sex on PoF versus on here? Are we now just sexual objects because of the acceptance of nudes and expression of sexual interests and kinks on here? Something to think about... 5. Have good photos. As I said in point no. 2, people check profiles. Make sure your profiles are tasteful and don't just have dick pics up. There are ways of showing off your body and penis without comparing it to a Lynx can. Mind-blowing, I know. If for whatever reason you don't have public photos available on your profile (IMO there is no good reason for this but that's another matter) then at least make sure you have attached some good quality photos to your opening message. Preferably a clear photo with no filters and that doesn't look like it's been taken with a brick. You are asking someone to give you their time and consideration, at the very least they should know what you look like. 6. Proofread, proofread and proofread again. Check your spelling. Check your your/you'res, there/theirs and discrete/discreets. Especially if you're copying and pasting. I have received so many messages that open with "hey guys", clearly not having been edited from when they were sent to a couple before they were sent to me. Or messages addressed to someone with a different name. And when I call the sender up on it, they usually claim it was autocorrect. Yeah, right
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing! "Now that's what I call an awesome post! Might be obvious to some (in some areas) but even if someone gets a little positivity out of it (I have) it could change thongs (yes, deliberate ). For me it's making me actually want to try to send a message for the first time in quite some time as I'd lost all faith and stopped bothering.
Thank you! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Nice pun. Simple but effectively cringe | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So it's almost noon on a Thursday and instead of studying, doing any of my life admin that desperately needs doing or just generally being a productive member of society I have decided that, after my latest read through the sorry state of my inbox, the best way to procrastinate is by holding a lecture on what the best way (in my opinion) to approach someone on here is. In today's in depth look at fab messaging I will try to explain not just the WHAT but also the HOW and the WHY. Note these are my own personal opinions and not to be taken as 100% fact (although I do have a feeling this will resonate with many fabbers who receive messages). 1. Avoid anything in the vein of "hey/hey how are you/how you doing/how's you (my personal least favourite)". Yes I know this has been said countless times on forums but it's still so so true. I get that it can be really hard to start a conversation and sometimes a greeting is really the only way you can go. I am even guilty of it myself sometimes on platforms like Bumble or Kik. The thing is that the fab messaging service doesn't really allow for small talk the way that quick-fire instant messaging platforms do. Imagine waiting hours or even days for someone to reply "hey, good thanks, you?" before then asking them how fab/lockdown has been treating them. On WhatsApp you can have this same conversation in less than 5 minutes and then get to talking about something else, but imagine trying to tell someone on here about the yoga workout you did two days ago. This is no way to build a spark. In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. 2. Keep things that could be on your bio out of a first message. Putting your interests, the fact you always smell good, the fact you're a professional etc etc in a message is honestly a waste of vital real estate. It reeks of being copy and pasted to anything with a pulse within 20 miles (which is okay sometimes but I'll get to that later). Don't just assume that the people you message are not going to read your profile and therefore you need to bombard them with as much information about yourself as possible in your first message. I promise you, people look. Many, MANY people look in stealth mode so it might not seem like they look, but they do. Unless a message really, really offends to the point where I block straightaway, I will always look at the profile that has sent me a message (in stealth mode). Instead, focus your effort on including this information in your bio. This is where people go to learn about you and what you are looking for. Use the first message to highlight something that you might have resonated with on someone's profile; this is important in three ways: 1) it gives you a chance to talk about yourself, thereby 2) giving you a chance to turn that message into a full blown conversation and 3) showing the person that you have read their profile, which leads me to: 3. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BIO. It's there for a reason. I thought really long and hard about what information should go in my bio, whether it was relevant, what the tone of it should be, the type of people I am trying to attract with it etc etc. It is there to be read and taken into consideration. I am not on here to find a one off fuck. No offence but there are plenty of men on here who, as arrogant as it sounds, will very willingly fuck me. And yes, I am aware that that is only because I have a functioning vagina. Some of them may even be good in bed. So if I just wanted one night of passion, I would go for one of them. I want the person who is interested in the type of person I am. Who, even though they might not be interested in dating me (this is a swinging site after all yadda yadda yadda), is still the type of person I would want to spend all afternoon with chatting, eating and fucking. This is supposed to be fun. I want to feel good about the choices I am making on here. Going to someone's house or hotel for a quickie at 2am does not make me feel good. I want to have experiences from here, not bad memories. I want someone who thinks that sex with me is worth at least some effort. Contrary to the belief a lot of people have about bigger girls, I do like to take care of myself and look well put together. I spend on average 2-3 hours getting ready for a meet, making sure I look crazy bangable and then spend time on top of that travelling because I can't accommodate. If I have chosen to meet you I can guarantee I have spent time stressing over what to wear, what to eat that day so as to not be too bloated/have bad breath/smell or taste bad down there (I like garlic, folks), Google Mapsing a suitable place down the road from your house to pull over and switch from my trainers to heels without you seeing. In short, I have put major TIME into it. If you cannot put aside one minute of your life to read my bio then why should any of that be worth it? If anything, reading someone's profile is more likely to get you a reply. I feel like a lot of people who complain on here have more of an issue with not receiving the closure that comes with rejection rather than the rejection itself. If I see that someone has very obviously gone to the effort of reading mine then I will also take the time to say a polite thanks but no thanks. If you are looking for a quick shag that won't care if you read their profile or not then by all means, disregard this point (or indeed, this whole post). You will probably find them. It will just take you a hell of a long time. 4. Don't mention sex. Yes, this is a swinging site. Or a hookup site if you're single. But we are still people. Don't reduce anyone to a sexual object (unless they have specifically expressed a desire for this). First of all, it makes you look hella thirsty, and that is not a good look on anyone. Secondly, it's fucking intimidating. Asking a stranger if they fancy a fuck is akin to catcalling someone on the street. And that, my friends, is 100% of the time a scary experience. I appreciate that the majority of men would LOVE receiving an essay from a woman about all the things they want to do to them sexually. But they have not grown up and lived with the same societal fears and pressures that women have. Once you get to know someone and it's looking like there might be a chance of a meet then by all means get your flirt on. In fact, approach the matter the same way you would on a dating site or app. I see a lot of men complaining that they get more action on Tinder/Bumble/OKC/PoF than on here. Why do you think that is? What are the differences in your approaches across all these platforms? And if they are different, why? I am also on some of these apps and can tell you that I am treated far more like a human woman with independent thoughts and feelings and just basic respect on dating sites than I am on here. But what is the difference in looking for casual sex on PoF versus on here? Are we now just sexual objects because of the acceptance of nudes and expression of sexual interests and kinks on here? Something to think about... 5. Have good photos. As I said in point no. 2, people check profiles. Make sure your profiles are tasteful and don't just have dick pics up. There are ways of showing off your body and penis without comparing it to a Lynx can. Mind-blowing, I know. If for whatever reason you don't have public photos available on your profile (IMO there is no good reason for this but that's another matter) then at least make sure you have attached some good quality photos to your opening message. Preferably a clear photo with no filters and that doesn't look like it's been taken with a brick. You are asking someone to give you their time and consideration, at the very least they should know what you look like. 6. Proofread, proofread and proofread again. Check your spelling. Check your your/you'res, there/theirs and discrete/discreets. Especially if you're copying and pasting. I have received so many messages that open with "hey guys", clearly not having been edited from when they were sent to a couple before they were sent to me. Or messages addressed to someone with a different name. And when I call the sender up on it, they usually claim it was autocorrect. Yeah, right
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing!
By far the best post I’ve ever seen on a forum, it should be compulsory reading when u join fab,
Well done!!!! I applaud you "I was looking forward to seeing that epic intro getting re-quoted a few times, in line with the glorious system which can prevail on here! Can someone work out how to replicate it twice or more? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
""...it could change thongs" Nice pun. Simple but effectively cringe " | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
This should be compulsory reading on here.
My inbox, almost puts me off visiting this site.
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"This is excellent advice OP, very eloquently articulated! My only reservation is, whilst it is very useful for messaging and dating on many platforms, I question whether following this will make much of a difference on fab. From my experience trying to reach out and message on fab, it seems since women are flooded with messages, unless you have great pictures (a model model or monster cock) your message gets overlooked. Not saying women are shallow and only go for looks but pictures are used as a first stage filter, simply because they have so many messages they must find some way of filtering them down. I will try to be more conscious of your advise and thank for taking the time to write it. I think it will help on other apps and in person meets but on fab I'm sceptical now much difference it will make. I'll give you an example from personal experience and observation. I've noticed a private reply in a forum thread, irrespective of the message content (even not related to the thread at all), will be a successful opening to a conversation 90% of the time. Yet 98% of cold messages will be ignored. This seems to be because a forum reply is another way of filtering messages (subconsciously). I think your advice is useful for stage 2, once the lady has acknowledged your existence and is open to try a chat but most guys are stuck at stage one, as if non existent. "Yeah, I agree with this. Private Forum responses tend to be more successful than actually messaging from my experience. Maybe it's because they have a sense of who you are and are more comfortable with responding than a first time message. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm bumping this great post. Fab reading for newbies and oldies xxxx" Wow I almost forgot I'd written this
I'm glad people enjoyed it | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Great advice OP however those of us who are switched on know we can cover all of the points you’ve raised but it still doesn’t guarantee success even if one feels they fit the description of what the person they’re messaging is looking for " 100% correct. No sensible and intelligent guy will be remotely surprised by it, nor would we expect it. It can be soul-destroying though at times. It's important to remain positive and not whinge about lack of luck. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm bumping this great post. Fab reading for newbies and oldies xxxx Wow I almost forgot I'd written this
I'm glad people enjoyed it "Amazing work Amber and such an act of altruism and generosity | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So it's almost noon on a Thursday and instead of studying, doing any of my life admin that desperately needs doing or just generally being a productive member of society I have decided that, after my latest read through the sorry state of my inbox, the best way to procrastinate is by holding a lecture on what the best way (in my opinion) to approach someone on here is. In today's in depth look at fab messaging I will try to explain not just the WHAT but also the HOW and the WHY. Note these are my own personal opinions and not to be taken as 100% fact (although I do have a feeling this will resonate with many fabbers who receive messages). 1. Avoid anything in the vein of "hey/hey how are you/how you doing/how's you (my personal least favourite)". Yes I know this has been said countless times on forums but it's still so so true. I get that it can be really hard to start a conversation and sometimes a greeting is really the only way you can go. I am even guilty of it myself sometimes on platforms like Bumble or Kik. The thing is that the fab messaging service doesn't really allow for small talk the way that quick-fire instant messaging platforms do. Imagine waiting hours or even days for someone to reply "hey, good thanks, you?" before then asking them how fab/lockdown has been treating them. On WhatsApp you can have this same conversation in less than 5 minutes and then get to talking about something else, but imagine trying to tell someone on here about the yoga workout you did two days ago. This is no way to build a spark. In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. 2. Keep things that could be on your bio out of a first message. Putting your interests, the fact you always smell good, the fact you're a professional etc etc in a message is honestly a waste of vital real estate. It reeks of being copy and pasted to anything with a pulse within 20 miles (which is okay sometimes but I'll get to that later). Don't just assume that the people you message are not going to read your profile and therefore you need to bombard them with as much information about yourself as possible in your first message. I promise you, people look. Many, MANY people look in stealth mode so it might not seem like they look, but they do. Unless a message really, really offends to the point where I block straightaway, I will always look at the profile that has sent me a message (in stealth mode). Instead, focus your effort on including this information in your bio. This is where people go to learn about you and what you are looking for. Use the first message to highlight something that you might have resonated with on someone's profile; this is important in three ways: 1) it gives you a chance to talk about yourself, thereby 2) giving you a chance to turn that message into a full blown conversation and 3) showing the person that you have read their profile, which leads me to: 3. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BIO. It's there for a reason. I thought really long and hard about what information should go in my bio, whether it was relevant, what the tone of it should be, the type of people I am trying to attract with it etc etc. It is there to be read and taken into consideration. I am not on here to find a one off fuck. No offence but there are plenty of men on here who, as arrogant as it sounds, will very willingly fuck me. And yes, I am aware that that is only because I have a functioning vagina. Some of them may even be good in bed. So if I just wanted one night of passion, I would go for one of them. I want the person who is interested in the type of person I am. Who, even though they might not be interested in dating me (this is a swinging site after all yadda yadda yadda), is still the type of person I would want to spend all afternoon with chatting, eating and fucking. This is supposed to be fun. I want to feel good about the choices I am making on here. Going to someone's house or hotel for a quickie at 2am does not make me feel good. I want to have experiences from here, not bad memories. I want someone who thinks that sex with me is worth at least some effort. Contrary to the belief a lot of people have about bigger girls, I do like to take care of myself and look well put together. I spend on average 2-3 hours getting ready for a meet, making sure I look crazy bangable and then spend time on top of that travelling because I can't accommodate. If I have chosen to meet you I can guarantee I have spent time stressing over what to wear, what to eat that day so as to not be too bloated/have bad breath/smell or taste bad down there (I like garlic, folks), Google Mapsing a suitable place down the road from your house to pull over and switch from my trainers to heels without you seeing. In short, I have put major TIME into it. If you cannot put aside one minute of your life to read my bio then why should any of that be worth it? If anything, reading someone's profile is more likely to get you a reply. I feel like a lot of people who complain on here have more of an issue with not receiving the closure that comes with rejection rather than the rejection itself. If I see that someone has very obviously gone to the effort of reading mine then I will also take the time to say a polite thanks but no thanks. If you are looking for a quick shag that won't care if you read their profile or not then by all means, disregard this point (or indeed, this whole post). You will probably find them. It will just take you a hell of a long time. 4. Don't mention sex. Yes, this is a swinging site. Or a hookup site if you're single. But we are still people. Don't reduce anyone to a sexual object (unless they have specifically expressed a desire for this). First of all, it makes you look hella thirsty, and that is not a good look on anyone. Secondly, it's fucking intimidating. Asking a stranger if they fancy a fuck is akin to catcalling someone on the street. And that, my friends, is 100% of the time a scary experience. I appreciate that the majority of men would LOVE receiving an essay from a woman about all the things they want to do to them sexually. But they have not grown up and lived with the same societal fears and pressures that women have. Once you get to know someone and it's looking like there might be a chance of a meet then by all means get your flirt on. In fact, approach the matter the same way you would on a dating site or app. I see a lot of men complaining that they get more action on Tinder/Bumble/OKC/PoF than on here. Why do you think that is? What are the differences in your approaches across all these platforms? And if they are different, why? I am also on some of these apps and can tell you that I am treated far more like a human woman with independent thoughts and feelings and just basic respect on dating sites than I am on here. But what is the difference in looking for casual sex on PoF versus on here? Are we now just sexual objects because of the acceptance of nudes and expression of sexual interests and kinks on here? Something to think about... 5. Have good photos. As I said in point no. 2, people check profiles. Make sure your profiles are tasteful and don't just have dick pics up. There are ways of showing off your body and penis without comparing it to a Lynx can. Mind-blowing, I know. If for whatever reason you don't have public photos available on your profile (IMO there is no good reason for this but that's another matter) then at least make sure you have attached some good quality photos to your opening message. Preferably a clear photo with no filters and that doesn't look like it's been taken with a brick. You are asking someone to give you their time and consideration, at the very least they should know what you look like. 6. Proofread, proofread and proofread again. Check your spelling. Check your your/you'res, there/theirs and discrete/discreets. Especially if you're copying and pasting. I have received so many messages that open with "hey guys", clearly not having been edited from when they were sent to a couple before they were sent to me. Or messages addressed to someone with a different name. And when I call the sender up on it, they usually claim it was autocorrect. Yeah, right
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing! "Couldn’t agree more!!! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm bumping this great post. Fab reading for newbies and oldies xxxx Wow I almost forgot I'd written this
I'm glad people enjoyed it "I’ve directed men to this post a few times | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I got bored after the first paragraph and couldn’t be bothered to read the rest . " Thank you for taking the time to let me know | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm bumping this great post. Fab reading for newbies and oldies xxxx Wow I almost forgot I'd written this
I'm glad people enjoyed it
Amazing work Amber and such an act of altruism and generosity "Very sweet, thank you | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I got bored after the first paragraph and couldn’t be bothered to read the rest . " Oh dear, says alot about this one clearly. Block and avoid lol | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Lmao almost forgot I wrote this
Still stand by it, mind"all fair and reasonable points would put mango in the post but age is a killer | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So it's almost noon on a Thursday and instead of studying, doing any of my life admin that desperately needs doing or just generally being a productive member of society I have decided that, after my latest read through the sorry state of my inbox, the best way to procrastinate is by holding a lecture on what the best way (in my opinion) to approach someone on here is. In today's in depth look at fab messaging I will try to explain not just the WHAT but also the HOW and the WHY. Note these are my own personal opinions and not to be taken as 100% fact (although I do have a feeling this will resonate with many fabbers who receive messages). 1. Avoid anything in the vein of "hey/hey how are you/how you doing/how's you (my personal least favourite)". Yes I know this has been said countless times on forums but it's still so so true. I get that it can be really hard to start a conversation and sometimes a greeting is really the only way you can go. I am even guilty of it myself sometimes on platforms like Bumble or Kik. The thing is that the fab messaging service doesn't really allow for small talk the way that quick-fire instant messaging platforms do. Imagine waiting hours or even days for someone to reply "hey, good thanks, you?" before then asking them how fab/lockdown has been treating them. On WhatsApp you can have this same conversation in less than 5 minutes and then get to talking about something else, but imagine trying to tell someone on here about the yoga workout you did two days ago. This is no way to build a spark. In conclusion, conversation just doesn't flow as naturally on here as it can over the phone or through instant messaging, and small talking for days at a time won't make you stand out to anyone. Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Scarlett Johansson - sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. 2. Keep things that could be on your bio out of a first message. Putting your interests, the fact you always smell good, the fact you're a professional etc etc in a message is honestly a waste of vital real estate. It reeks of being copy and pasted to anything with a pulse within 20 miles (which is okay sometimes but I'll get to that later). Don't just assume that the people you message are not going to read your profile and therefore you need to bombard them with as much information about yourself as possible in your first message. I promise you, people look. Many, MANY people look in stealth mode so it might not seem like they look, but they do. Unless a message really, really offends to the point where I block straightaway, I will always look at the profile that has sent me a message (in stealth mode). Instead, focus your effort on including this information in your bio. This is where people go to learn about you and what you are looking for. Use the first message to highlight something that you might have resonated with on someone's profile; this is important in three ways: 1) it gives you a chance to talk about yourself, thereby 2) giving you a chance to turn that message into a full blown conversation and 3) showing the person that you have read their profile, which leads me to: 3. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BIO. It's there for a reason. I thought really long and hard about what information should go in my bio, whether it was relevant, what the tone of it should be, the type of people I am trying to attract with it etc etc. It is there to be read and taken into consideration. I am not on here to find a one off fuck. No offence but there are plenty of men on here who, as arrogant as it sounds, will very willingly fuck me. And yes, I am aware that that is only because I have a functioning vagina. Some of them may even be good in bed. So if I just wanted one night of passion, I would go for one of them. I want the person who is interested in the type of person I am. Who, even though they might not be interested in dating me (this is a swinging site after all yadda yadda yadda), is still the type of person I would want to spend all afternoon with chatting, eating and fucking. This is supposed to be fun. I want to feel good about the choices I am making on here. Going to someone's house or hotel for a quickie at 2am does not make me feel good. I want to have experiences from here, not bad memories. I want someone who thinks that sex with me is worth at least some effort. Contrary to the belief a lot of people have about bigger girls, I do like to take care of myself and look well put together. I spend on average 2-3 hours getting ready for a meet, making sure I look crazy bangable and then spend time on top of that travelling because I can't accommodate. If I have chosen to meet you I can guarantee I have spent time stressing over what to wear, what to eat that day so as to not be too bloated/have bad breath/smell or taste bad down there (I like garlic, folks), Google Mapsing a suitable place down the road from your house to pull over and switch from my trainers to heels without you seeing. In short, I have put major TIME into it. If you cannot put aside one minute of your life to read my bio then why should any of that be worth it? If anything, reading someone's profile is more likely to get you a reply. I feel like a lot of people who complain on here have more of an issue with not receiving the closure that comes with rejection rather than the rejection itself. If I see that someone has very obviously gone to the effort of reading mine then I will also take the time to say a polite thanks but no thanks. If you are looking for a quick shag that won't care if you read their profile or not then by all means, disregard this point (or indeed, this whole post). You will probably find them. It will just take you a hell of a long time. 4. Don't mention sex. Yes, this is a swinging site. Or a hookup site if you're single. But we are still people. Don't reduce anyone to a sexual object (unless they have specifically expressed a desire for this). First of all, it makes you look hella thirsty, and that is not a good look on anyone. Secondly, it's fucking intimidating. Asking a stranger if they fancy a fuck is akin to catcalling someone on the street. And that, my friends, is 100% of the time a scary experience. I appreciate that the majority of men would LOVE receiving an essay from a woman about all the things they want to do to them sexually. But they have not grown up and lived with the same societal fears and pressures that women have. Once you get to know someone and it's looking like there might be a chance of a meet then by all means get your flirt on. In fact, approach the matter the same way you would on a dating site or app. I see a lot of men complaining that they get more action on Tinder/Bumble/OKC/PoF than on here. Why do you think that is? What are the differences in your approaches across all these platforms? And if they are different, why? I am also on some of these apps and can tell you that I am treated far more like a human woman with independent thoughts and feelings and just basic respect on dating sites than I am on here. But what is the difference in looking for casual sex on PoF versus on here? Are we now just sexual objects because of the acceptance of nudes and expression of sexual interests and kinks on here? Something to think about... 5. Have good photos. As I said in point no. 2, people check profiles. Make sure your profiles are tasteful and don't just have dick pics up. There are ways of showing off your body and penis without comparing it to a Lynx can. Mind-blowing, I know. If for whatever reason you don't have public photos available on your profile (IMO there is no good reason for this but that's another matter) then at least make sure you have attached some good quality photos to your opening message. Preferably a clear photo with no filters and that doesn't look like it's been taken with a brick. You are asking someone to give you their time and consideration, at the very least they should know what you look like. 6. Proofread, proofread and proofread again. Check your spelling. Check your your/you'res, there/theirs and discrete/discreets. Especially if you're copying and pasting. I have received so many messages that open with "hey guys", clearly not having been edited from when they were sent to a couple before they were sent to me. Or messages addressed to someone with a different name. And when I call the sender up on it, they usually claim it was autocorrect. Yeah, right
7. Don't exaggerate. If you find someone attractive then by all means tell them. But there is a certain point where it just comes across as sycophantic and overly keen rather than genuine. Be mindful as to HOW you pay compliments. Pay attention to the terminology you use. I hate the term BBW because I don't like to be reduced to a label but other women may love it. Gauge someone's personality before making these types of compliments. Also: telling someone you like their curves = fine. Telling someone you like their curves and only their curves and curvy figures are the only type that turn you on and fuck skinny people, they are the worst = not fine. Paying someone a compliment by way of tearing down others is never attractive. Women are not creatures of arrogance; we don't like to be in competition with one another. Being told that we are the prettiest/fairest/sexiest and everyone else is a troll is something reserved for evil stepmothers with magic mirrors in old fairytales. In real life it just makes us feel bad.
8 - This is the last one, I promise. Copying and pasting. Listen, I get it. You catch more fish with a net than with a single hook. And if you find something that works for you and has gotten you replies then it can be tempting to stick with it. In all honesty I do think copying and pasting has its place on here, IF used effectively. The trick with this is that you NEVER want to make it seem like it was done intentionally. Don't ever do this with long messages; nobody's ever going to believe that you really spent time typing all that out over and over again. It's just not realistic. If you're going to C&P make it something short, snappy and memorable. Preferably a question. In "Master of None" (Netflix, great show, check it out), the main character sends the same line to all his Tinder matches: "Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?". It's short, funny, and original. I have a one liner I send out when a profile catches my eye (yes, I am one of the few women who search and message). And 90% of the time I get a reply, even if it's a quick no thanks. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is because I don't want you to steal it. But I can tell you it's super cute and most guys love it.
So this took me almost an hour to write. And will probably take just as long to proofread. If you got to the end, congratulations. You deserve a medal. If you are one of those who are struggling, I hope this information will help you in some way. At the end of the day everyone deserves to have good, fun experiences from here. I have seen far too many men be affected negatively by not receiving replies and it's not nice. Even though I am guilty of sometimes not replying to messages, I just wanted to let you know WHY this might be happening. Plus I wanted to write an informative post that's different from the usual "there are hundreds of single men to every one woman on here, get used to being rejected and having no power pal" type of bullshit "advice" that's usually given on threads asking for help. But mostly I just wanted to procrastinate from trying to sort out the hot mess that is my life at the moment. I have far more time to waste that could be spent doing productive things so if y'all want a follow-up on profile tips let me know.
Happy fabbing! "Very good advice | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Lmao almost forgot I wrote this
Still stand by it, mind"I think it's one of the first forum posts I ever replied to | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Lmao almost forgot I wrote this
Still stand by it, mind
I think it's one of the first forum posts I ever replied to "Awwww the nostalgia
Makes me yearn for my old profile aha | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Lmao almost forgot I wrote this
Still stand by it, mind"• It's very good! It's not a million miles away from this one, and it's now lost in the midst of time: https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/8538 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Post new Message to Thread |
| back to top |  |
