FabSwingers.com forum: Rejection

By *ilkchocolate87 OP Man
over a year ago

sw london

No, not from fab as most of the time getting a reply on here is like gold dust! But in another scenario.

During lockdown I have been messaging daily a girl who has been living up north and moved to London on the weekend. We have either texted/ called/ FaceTimed everyday talking about how we are looking forward to seeing each other ( she is moving 1 mile down the road).

Yesterday I found out she decided to invite an ex who she has apparently not spoken to for ‘ages’ ( don’t believe this for a second) to come meet her and her flat mates in the park. Next thing she is messaging me saying how she wants to again try with him as he knows her mates and family already.

Obviously I’m gutted and it’s probably for the best I found out now. I do feel Embarrassed and rather mugged off but this is a different kind of rejection to fab, where I had actual feelings starting to emerge.

I guess I’m just fed up with how being the ‘nice, loyal guy’ is what most women say they want but reality is its only led to even more depression for me and the need to pick myself up again.

I’m not after sympathy , my mates have offered me support. It’s the thought of having to start from scratch again, finding someone else who I actually wanted to date rather than fuck, which has me in a pretty bad spot.

Felt the need to share.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Chin up

You seem nice

Move forward

Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like they have history though so it’s very hard for you to compare with

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By *ilkchocolate87 OP Man
over a year ago

sw london

"Sounds like they have history though so it’s very hard for you to compare with "

Yes apparently dated a few times last year. Which weighed in more than speaking to myself for 2 months.

Think it’s more the out of the blue not seeing this coming nor hearing about this person which has really upset me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women want loyal... Girls want easy... These terms are more attitude than age defined

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Onwards and upwards OP... set a reminder to check on her again in 2-3 months when they'd have petered out/fallen out again

I agree it would have been nicer of her to have mentioned she's still in contact with her ex or even considering him, if you were talking seriously she did blindside you. It's not really a surprise though that she chose the comfort of familiarity in a time like this when there is so much uncertainty about even basic stuff. However I would urge you to be careful of drawing conclusions about women, loyalty, being nice etc. from this. How does this script serve you other than make you bitter about women and/or sorry for yourself? IMO she picked wrong, she thinks she's playing it safe but what failed to ignite before is unlilely to serve well now. See, it's not really about you or what you did, it's about her own fears

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By *ilkchocolate87 OP Man
over a year ago

sw london

"Onwards and upwards OP... set a reminder to check on her again in 2-3 months when they'd have petered out/fallen out again

You are right, thanks for taking the time to reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best of luck op and try to just move on and live your best life possible.

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By *eed.a.signalMan
over a year ago

Local

"Yesterday I found out she decided to invite an ex who she has apparently not spoken to for ‘ages’ ( don’t believe this for a second)"

You hit the nail there. She had all that free time to whirly whoo in courtship to then decide I'm doing a U-turn?

It's not a rejection it's a disaster avoided, imagine lover boy turning up by surprise same time as you on a Friday afternoon!

Wish them well and you get back out there and find that lady that deserves you!!!

Morning support not morning sympathy

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By *ifeandhubby400Couple
over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland

You need a thick skin on here sadly ,but as said you seem a decent guy and that will help ,but being rejected mid chat happens ,not nice and can sting but chin up move on ,they were obviously NOT worth the effort ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you need to take a step back, and take a break before you fall into the "bitter resentful man" trap

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By *inateaseWoman
over a year ago

ANTRIM

As previously said her actions say more about her than they do about you. It wasn’t meant to be and I believe for every pot there’s a lid so get out there and find your lid! Sending you a big virtual hug xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, I'm going to go with my reply from a somewhat different angle. You met a girl online/in virtual world, not in the real world, when the madness of the lockdown descended. You were chatting, including Face Time, very often, but you still have not met in person. Basically, you were virtual life friends, with (at least in your opinion) a potential to become at least friends in real life. That's where my point is coming in: do you think you may have taken this virtual relationship a little bit too far? It is easily done, and I have to admit I have done it in the past, when I was less experience (less cynical probably, too). Unfortunately, the lockdown has changed a lot for people, how they look at life, how they look for partners etc. It brought the unpredictability of the future, where you have no idea when things would change, when, if ever, you'd be able to get on with your life like before. She chose someone she already knew in person, rather than risking it on someone she only knew in virtual world. As our personalities are different in the real world and in the virtual world. You might get on great with someone online and even on the phone, but once you meet, there may be no chemistry.

My advice: move on, try not to get your hopes up too much next time- yes,I know it's easier said than done.

Good luck, OP, and sorry for the essay

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By *ewkesbury cowboyMan
over a year ago

Tewkesbury

I lost a partner to an ex due to lock down. Her mental health wasn't great due to being stuck indoors with 3 kids I popped over to make sure she was OK when I could but one day she said she was breaking it off with me to try again with him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Listen to this song on repeat

Chris Brown - These hoes ain’t loyal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Listen to this song on repeat

Chris Brown - These hoes ain’t loyal "

Would you be loyal to someone you've never met in real life?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Listen to this song on repeat

Chris Brown - These hoes ain’t loyal

Would you be loyal to someone you've never met in real life?"

No , I’m different...... I’m actually on a swinging site just for great sex.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without being harsh or judgemental

Have you listened to Dolly Partons, Fool for Love?

It explains how a guy can fall for a girl completely and a third person can see the effect that he cannot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take it like a man ...

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

That is very tough bud. You just Gotta get through it and keep going.

It may not seem easier right now but you will be okay

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

I just see rejection as now as it stops anymore timewasting on the wrong person. Giving you more time to find the right person. What if you two did get together and realised you weren't really meant to be together. You only know someone by being with them... so to me it's a blessing in disguise

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By *urved HunnyWoman
over a year ago

Essex

Feel for you, very disappointing and its leaving you feeling a bit lost.

You'll feel down for a while but force yourself to socialise (however possible) you will realise its hurting less and less. Once you're distracted elsewhere you will be on the mend x

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's been a cruel year and your situation probably influenced by it.

We all have to learn better how to cope with and process rejection. It's a standard aspect of life, as crippling and inhumane as it feels.

You're now free to live and explore anew, taking things at your own pace. Take care

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By *ympho6969Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

I think a lot of us can relate to this in one form or another. Build a connection to suddenly be ghosted or rejected. Unfortunately this is apparently dating nowadays and I completely gave up on it for this exact reason.

You never know what you're getting. Fab life is much simpler in a way. Variety for one thing. Now I don't see myself in a monogamous relationship at all. The only thing I miss is the companionship and snuggles

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By *addyBabygirl2020Couple
over a year ago

norwich

It sounds like you let yourself get to emotional involved with a girl you were only talking to.

Reality is, as much as it sucks you were not dating so there was no loyalty to give by you or to break by her.

Getting stuck in that " I was a nice guy" headspace is not good for you, drop that out, you just gave a bit to much a bit to soon and it wasn't reciprocated.

It still sucks and sounds like you were used to pass the time while she was away.

But it honestly sounds like you have put to much hope and expectation into something that never really was.

I'm not trying to be harsh or mean, I just honestly think your beating yourself up to much here. If anything there is a good lesson to learn here.

Chin up mate, you're a good looking young guy. Chalk it down to experience and move on.

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By *eedsmale36Man
over a year ago

Leeds

All of the stars are fading away, just try not to worry you’ll see them some day......you know the rest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s just another one of life’s learning curves pal .. head up chest out and handle it ..

.. got this !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'll not compete with history especially as it sounds she's not over him.

Move on, move forward. Maybe it won't work out with him but don't hold your breath.

Sounds like you may have been plan B so move on. There are others.

Sometimes chatting too long get you to the friends zone before anything else happens and in here that's not the goal. I used a general rule years ago on here, if you haven't arranged to meet within 2 weeks of messaging and they live within an hrs drive away it isn't going to happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This happens all the time, even more so during a pandemic I've noticed. Pretty much all my exes have been in touch at some point this year.

People have a ton of choices, and most people are hedging their bets, OP. Easy for me to say, but don't take it personally. Its unfortunately become a bit of a numbers game.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... she wants to again try with him as he knows her mates and family already."

I don't really believe her story: sounds like she's just trying (and failing) to let you down easy. So, move on.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Surround yourself with friends and keep talking about it. It’s worked for me in the past. Good luck.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"Take it like a man ...

No I’m not having this. That’s old skool thinking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear what you're going through OP, not a girl on Fab you say ?

If she's going back to the ex then it's better she told you know than playing you both, she's not all bad but just not for you at this time, if ever.

Get back out there bud

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By *evilandTheBeastCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough and Bedford

"Women want loyal... Girls want easy... These terms are more attitude than age defined"

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By *iner69erMan
over a year ago

inverness

No suprise to find a guy being messed about. Has happened to me on here semi regularly over the years,from going to meet a girl who just wanted a lift along the road to another who didn't show up after s 40 mile drive.

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