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Sub wife /Dom fuckbuddy

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By *llycpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

doncaster

looking for advice on my wife being a sub to a dom Meet in a town pub we sometimes use

We saw is face on here over a year ago and Recognised him straight away over the last past six months we have slowly introduced ourselves , which as now developed in my wife sneaking into the smoking shed for a kiss and grope with him, but recently over kik messengers he told her that he’s a Dom I wants to make her his sub , now I haven’t got a problem with her going to meet her with me to shag him, I am worried she to much wants to be his sub and she can be easily lead into bad situations,

Anyone else had any bad experiences with this situation I seem to be in , question all the Dom’s saying it doesn’t happen but my fear not hers is that if she starts saying no he might expose us to our friends what we get up to, normally when we meet anyone we have a rule that the man we meet cannot take pics only us which we edit and then send back to them , my thing if he ties her up which he wants to ,he could take pics of her to bribe her to doing more

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By *inkyman1964Man
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent

Maybe suggest that you go along as a chaperone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any good Dom would sit down with his/her potential sub and discuss limits from soft to hard. This includes taking pictures and videos. Why not suggest that you all sit down together and discuss this?

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

This is not an issue of him being a dom but of him being an interloper. The standard rule for doms is not to interfere in family, health or financial matters.

This appears to be no more than a single man potentially wanting more than you are ready to give.

I would suggest speaking to your wife and him.

As a couple inviting a third into your relationship requires agreement and trust, and this does not seem to exist.

I would mention there is a condition called sub frenzy which can occur when some subs are introduced to bdsm, and all sense goes out the window. So you may have trouble returning the relationship to normal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fully agree with _ensual on this topic..my wife and I operate a technique of an questionaire which as of now is 10 A4 pages long.. Basically yes ,no, willing to try.. all aspects are on those sheets. if either party isnt totally clear its a sign that play will not happen..Good luck with this OP.. id favour time and threading carefully on this matter.. it yields the answers you require..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I fully agree with _ensual on this topic..my wife and I operate a technique of an questionaire which as of now is 10 A4 pages long.. Basically yes ,no, willing to try.. all aspects are on those sheets. if either party isnt totally clear its a sign that play will not happen..Good luck with this OP.. id favour time and threading carefully on this matter.. it yields the answers you require.."

Is this a questionnaire that you ask others to complete?

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By *llycpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

doncaster

He doesn’t want me there

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By *llycpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

doncaster


"This is not an issue of him being a dom but of him being an interloper. The standard rule for doms is not to interfere in family, health or financial matters.

This appears to be no more than a single man potentially wanting more than you are ready to give.

I would suggest speaking to your wife and him.

As a couple inviting a third into your relationship requires agreement and trust, and this does not seem to exist.

I would mention there is a condition called sub frenzy which can occur when some subs are introduced to bdsm, and all sense goes out the window. So you may have trouble returning the relationship to normal.

"

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By *llycpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

doncaster


"This is not an issue of him being a dom but of him being an interloper. The standard rule for doms is not to interfere in family, health or financial matters.

This appears to be no more than a single man potentially wanting more than you are ready to give.

I would suggest speaking to your wife and him.

As a couple inviting a third into your relationship requires agreement and trust, and this does not seem to exist.

I would mention there is a condition called sub frenzy which can occur when some subs are introduced to bdsm, and all sense goes out the window. So you may have trouble returning the relationship to normal.

"

This is what I am scared of , she hasn’t even been to his place yet and she’s under his spell and what ever I say she don’t hear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d consider myself dominant & over the year I experienced a few Hotwife Scenario or Dom/Sub.

From the get-go everything was talked about - what can/can’t be done, in reality the requirement was almost to have a discussion with the husband to understand what he wants out of it too.

A lot of people think it’s purely women wanting pleasure, it isn’t. So just have a sit down with him & discuss what you are comfortable happening. Boundaries from the get-go.

In the right environment it’s great fun, have fun OP.

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By *oft_SensualTV/TS
over a year ago

Yorkshire

This is exactly the sort of situation that can destroy relationships.

The guy is obviously a clown with no regard for people's boundaries, get him well and truly jogged on.

If you aren't happy, then nothing happens... simple!

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

What most often seems to be at the heart of these arrangements is thay the male partner initially wanted his wife to be with someone else

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We've got a rule that the if one of us has a problem with something the other wants to do where swinging is concerned, we don't do it.

If you think it's too risky, say so, she's your partner not his.

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

Rule number one. Everyone needs to be comfortable and enjoy it. If I was meeting you both and I sensed you were not happy then it would go no further.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always a danger where the sub has a partner. Rules can be agreed between the Dom/Sub but if partner isn't happy then trouble will ensue. A true Dom would know and respect this and not put anyone in that position.

There are, however, far too many guys on here calling themselves "Doms"...so you need to tread VERY carefully

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"looking for advice on my wife being a sub to a dom Meet in a town pub we sometimes use

We saw is face on here over a year ago and Recognised him straight away over the last past six months we have slowly introduced ourselves , which as now developed in my wife sneaking into the smoking shed for a kiss and grope with him, but recently over kik messengers he told her that he’s a Dom I wants to make her his sub , now I haven’t got a problem with her going to meet her with me to shag him, I am worried she to much wants to be his sub and she can be easily lead into bad situations,

Anyone else had any bad experiences with this situation I seem to be in , question all the Dom’s saying it doesn’t happen but my fear not hers is that if she starts saying no he might expose us to our friends what we get up to, normally when we meet anyone we have a rule that the man we meet cannot take pics only us which we edit and then send back to them , my thing if he ties her up which he wants to ,he could take pics of her to bribe her to doing more "

If she hasn’t any experience of the scene, I would suggest you talk to subs who have, they have the answers.

I suspect if you put five Dom’s in a room you would get seven different answers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends as some of the subs here on fab like to go incognito as they get unwanted msgs from men and sometimes couples who think they are Dom when they clearly aren't and truly do not understand the BDSM lifestyle

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"Depends as some of the subs here on fab like to go incognito as they get unwanted msgs from men and sometimes couples who think they are Dom when they clearly aren't and truly do not understand the BDSM lifestyle "

There used to be a great sub forum on another site where Dom’s were not allowed, was always a good starting point.

I haven’t been on the site for years, so I don’t know if the thread is still active.

Purely for interest, how do you clearly know when a Dom isn’t?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Certain words that are used, trigger red flag for me. and the other site your referring to the sub forum is still very much active on there.

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford


"Rule number one. Everyone needs to be comfortable and enjoy it. If I was meeting you both and I sensed you were not happy then it would go no further. "

This totally - and if the husband was not happy about the situation, I would NOT meet her alone either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let them communicate for a while via kik, agree a list of limits And rules between the both of you, and then send them to the Dom to agree with.

I would go along the first few meets. A true Dom makes their subs desires their own desires and will always ensure it’s a safe environment. A Dom sub relationship can be very intense as it’s all based on trust and opening up completely, so much the sub should feel vulnerable.

I let kitten play with others Dom’s, but only with me present. I also set rules and if I feel they abuse these, they are gone straight away. Beware many guys say they are sub but have no idea what it really is, they act selfish; when being a Dom is about being selfless.

Don’t let someone else not treat your other half with less respect than you do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"He doesn’t want me there"

As a sub with a Dom, this sounds so wrong from start and the fact he doesnt want you there raises a huge red flag in my opinion. A Dom/sub dynamic is all about trust in this case between the 3 of you and in my sincere opinion hes not offering much if any.

Good luck OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I fully agree with _ensual on this topic..my wife and I operate a technique of an questionaire which as of now is 10 A4 pages long.. Basically yes ,no, willing to try.. all aspects are on those sheets. if either party isnt totally clear its a sign that play will not happen..Good luck with this OP.. id favour time and threading carefully on this matter.. it yields the answers you require..

Is this a questionnaire that you ask others to complete?"

It is yes.. For the sub it makes them really think about what it is they want from a play session..what after care they would like..If they have a pacemaker for instance which is straight away a no no for our TENS machine,if theyve ever entered sub space..meaning we would have a spare room made up etc as you cant send somebody out the door after an intense play session. its also a safe guard for us both in consent terms..

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By *hilliandspiceMan
over a year ago

Wimborne

Rule 1 - exactly has already been mentioned - and this relates to all aspects of the relationship (so swinging as well as bdsm). If either of you are not happy about something talk it through and only go ahead if both of you are totally happy.

That doesnt mean that one party talks the other into accepting it either - you have to believe your partner is actively happy with it and understand if they arent.

Just because he is a Dom doesnt mean that he doesnt have to take both your views into account, if he says he doesnt want you there and you arent comfortable with that then the guy doesnt understand the basics, burn his copy of 50 shades and tell him to mature. just my thoughts

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"Certain words that are used, trigger red flag for me. and the other site your referring to the sub forum is still very much active on there."

I’m pleased, us so called Doms wouldn’t have one lasting this long, wouldn’t be a lamppost big enough.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"Rule 1 - exactly has already been mentioned - and this relates to all aspects of the relationship (so swinging as well as bdsm). If either of you are not happy about something talk it through and only go ahead if both of you are totally happy.

That doesnt mean that one party talks the other into accepting it either - you have to believe your partner is actively happy with it and understand if they arent.

Just because he is a Dom doesnt mean that he doesnt have to take both your views into account, if he says he doesnt want you there and you arent comfortable with that then the guy doesnt understand the basics, burn his copy of 50 shades and tell him to mature. just my

"

I liked 50 shades books, there was a great psychological pattern in them that I recognised fro a D/s relationship.

Suspect there is a snobbery around the book which surprised me because I have never met an unintelligent sub yet.

Still, got a few people interested, just a shame some become prey.

That’s more to do with porn than they being crap books.

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