FabSwingers.com forum: Infidelity

By *rink Me xx OP Woman
over a year ago

Shropshire

Can a marriage ever really survive an affair? (Not fab or swinging related) Interested tobhear what people think

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I think it would depend on the people involved and what they they feel about it.

For me personally, no, I couldn't be with somebody who had cheated on me.

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By *rink Me xx OP Woman
over a year ago

Shropshire

"I think it would depend on the people involved and what they they feel about it.

For me personally, no, I couldn't be with somebody who had cheated on me."
Thats what Im struggling with. Always said Id rather die than stay with someone who cheated and now Im in it and It feels a lot less black and white x

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Every situation is different and will have so many things to take into account.

Every person is different and able to manage and deal with different things.

If I was in the situation maybe when the dust settled I would find ways to get my head around it and move forward.

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By *am4CamWoman
over a year ago

Fairy Land

I’ve known friends whose marriages have survived and friends whose marriages haven’t; there was no ‘magic formula’ or secret ingredient and it wasn’t always clear which path they would follow from the outset.

Keep talking and being honest and open to listening too and time will clear they way down whichever path turns out to be the right one for you.

Wishing you strength and serenity.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

[Removed by poster at 11/07/20 07:19:46]

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Sure if you can forgive each other and think it’s worth working on it and saving. It probably needs both parts to accept responsibility and forgive though, which might be hard to accept for the one who’s been cheated on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can a marriage ever really survive an affair? (Not fab or swinging related) Interested tobhear what people think "

All about communicating between each other now...

Best of luck xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely depends on the people. Good luck finding your way through it, OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very much depends on the people and the situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had an affair and fell in love and divorced my wife. During our very tearful discussions she said she would have preferred me to have just had an affair which she could have forgiven me for so that we could have remained married. The other relationship did actually fail after a few happy years and I have been 'single' for over 20 years. However, I turned to swinging instead ie sex with no strings attached. And have enjoyed hundreds of different sex partners. But I do miss the companionship side of marriage sometimes.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Reflect on your situation, think before making any decisions.

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By *oss and SuzieCouple
over a year ago

Porthmadog

We both had multiple affairs and swinging. Never hurt us.

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

"Can a marriage ever really survive an affair? (Not fab or swinging related) Interested tobhear what people think "

Yours is a fascinating situation. There’s so many variables in a swinging relationship that would say somethings cannot be taken at the face value of a standard relationship. I’d like to hear more. However if you are not able to talk about it I’d say it’s a question of value and worth. Do you feel valued and is the relationship worth feeling diminished? Will you always feel this way?

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"I had an affair and fell in love and divorced my wife. During our very tearful discussions she said she would have preferred me to have just had an affair which she could have forgiven me for so that we could have remained married. The other relationship did actually fail after a few happy years and I have been 'single' for over 20 years. However, I turned to swinging instead ie sex with no strings attached. And have enjoyed hundreds of different sex partners. But I do miss the companionship side of marriage sometimes. "

I can understand that , secret sex is one thing but allowing yourself to have feelings for another is probably unforgivable. It surprises me when men to do this, not judging just surprised, we always guard against it, and it’s nearly always the men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. If there’s no trust there’s no marriage.

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By *rink Me xx OP Woman
over a year ago

Shropshire

Thanks for all the comments. Swinging was never part of our marriage. He cheated with somebody close to me after 5 months of marriage. Hes much younger than me and never even had a long term girlfriend before. He'd always worshipped me and was the one who pushed to get married. When he cheated we'd been going through a miserable time. His excuse was that he thought I didnt love him anymore and he was miserable. I dont know why Ive stayed, He swears he loves me more than ever before and hates himself for what happened. I dont know. Maybe I dont want to lose face by letting go. Its now 5 months after I found out and I still feel shit all of the time. I want to be happy but its always in the back of my mind

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Thanks for all the comments. Swinging was never part of our marriage. He cheated with somebody close to me after 5 months of marriage. Hes much younger than me and never even had a long term girlfriend before. He'd always worshipped me and was the one who pushed to get married. When he cheated we'd been going through a miserable time. His excuse was that he thought I didnt love him anymore and he was miserable. I dont know why Ive stayed, He swears he loves me more than ever before and hates himself for what happened. I dont know. Maybe I dont want to lose face by letting go. Its now 5 months after I found out and I still feel shit all of the time. I want to be happy but its always in the back of my mind"

I’m not a relationship expert but after five months, I’d have expected you to have made your peace with it. Especially when you said ‘it’s always in the back of (your) my mind’

I think some marriages can survive an affair, but you truly need to confront what’s happening it’s not good for your mental health

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By *rink Me xx OP Woman
over a year ago

Shropshire

I’m not a relationship expert but after five months, I’d have expected you to have made your peace with it. Especially when you said ‘it’s always in the back of (your) my mind’

I think some marriages can survive an affair, but you truly need to confront what’s happening it’s not good for your mental health

"
I thought Id care less by now but Ive never been the forgive and forget type. I can see that hes trying though. I almost feel like I cant settle while things feel so uneven. He even suggested I have sex with somebody else to make me feel on a level playing field but I dont think it would help. It still wouldnt be the same as what he did. Thanks for chatting. Feels better to talk x

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By *igertigerCouple (MM)
over a year ago

nr Letterkenny

"I think it would depend on the people involved and what they they feel about it.

For me personally, no, I couldn't be with somebody who had cheated on me. Thats what Im struggling with. Always said Id rather die than stay with someone who cheated and now Im in it and It feels a lot less black and white x"

It's never black and white. Something will happen and the affair will no longer matter. Just give it time.

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By *rink Me xx OP Woman
over a year ago

Shropshire

It's never black and white. Something will happen and the affair will no longer matter. Just give it time. "

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I’m not a relationship expert but after five months, I’d have expected you to have made your peace with it. Especially when you said ‘it’s always in the back of (your) my mind’

I think some marriages can survive an affair, but you truly need to confront what’s happening it’s not good for your mental health

I thought Id care less by now but Ive never been the forgive and forget type. I can see that hes trying though. I almost feel like I cant settle while things feel so uneven. He even suggested I have sex with somebody else to make me feel on a level playing field but I dont think it would help. It still wouldnt be the same as what he did. Thanks for chatting. Feels better to talk x "

Or use it as ammunition against you, can’t blame me if you’ve done the same thing (even with his knowledge) evens the score, but you seem clued up enough to know that.

My wife had an affair, I’m totally on your side and can emphasis so I could be biased. But it’s your life he’s sharing currently if he’s not good enough, find someone who is. But I’m not going to advise you to do that if you think there’s still hope.

Truly hope for better days

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

Everyone is different and every marriage is different for me tho there would be no coming back from that .A big part of marriage is trust and once that has been broken I personally don’t think you can ever 100 percent get it back ..Hope you find peace tho in whatever you decide to do x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldn’t forgive him as it would always be in my mind that it could happen again. If he went out I’d be suspicious. Once the trust has gone for me, the relationship is over.

I get your situation about being the older woman and not wanting to lose face but is it worth your happiness? We only live once and although it’s scary not knowing what the future might bring, staying together when neither of you is happy isn’t a good thing.

Good luck you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.

I used to think it could... but it will come back. Maybe not now but eventually. Resentment. Miss trust.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Without knowing all sides of the story and given that the waters are muddied by your presence here the only thing I'd say to you is talk to him, tell him how you feel. Couples counselling might help.

Good luck to you both

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By *rink Me xx OP Woman
over a year ago

Shropshire

"Without knowing all sides of the story and given that the waters are muddied by your presence here the only thing I'd say to you is talk to him, tell him how you feel. Couples counselling might help.

Good luck to you both"
Thanks so much for everyones comments. And yes I know what you mean about me being here but it was my knee jerk reaction to get my own back and fuck somebody else when I found out. Id previously had fab before I met him and I just wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. As it happened I joined and then corona hit and I didnt meet anyone. Glad I had the time to calm down tbh because it wouldnt have made me feel any better and it wouldnt have helped. We do have councilling booked but theres an enormous waiting list.

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By *rink Me xx OP Woman
over a year ago

Shropshire

I suppose I just want to feel strong again and not like a victim of something but I dont know if thats possible while I stay with him x

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

"I suppose I just want to feel strong again and not like a victim of something but I dont know if thats possible while I stay with him x"

Strong like have him as your cuckold as you have nights out with strapping well hung men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think a woman will forgive her hub, he might forgive her but that's just my opinion

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By *moothman2000Man
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"I suppose I just want to feel strong again and not like a victim of something but I dont know if thats possible while I stay with him x"

I found myself in your position on several occasions in my last marriage.

I did the Relate thing, which was toe curlingly horrid.

I lost my job, almost lost my house and became a mere shadow of the person I was.

I eventually hit the point where I had to recognise that it was destroying me and filed for divorce.

Years on and I've left victimhood behind and rebuilt my life into something far better than it could ever have been.

Each person and situation is different, but be mindful of changing yourself and your values for the sake of someone who decided to betray you.

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By *ert n BerylCouple
over a year ago

middlesbrough

My ex hubby cheated the first time, 2 days before our 6th wedding anniversary whilst out buying my present. He went for a coffee with an old flame from school. I told him she was after him, he told me to trust him and I did. What a fool I was! I gave our marriage another go. 6 years later I saw signs of it happening with someone else. We chatted and I told him he knew he wasn’t trapped, that if he wanted to go to go. Within 10 minutes he packed some stuff and was gone. 4 weeks later he moved out of his dads into a new flat and she moved in!!

I started divorce proceedings, and 2 weeks after our 13th anniversary and the 28th December it was finalised.

Then 2 months later at a club I met my now gorgeous hubby.

You have to look at everything OP, and do what’s right for you, no one else. Whatever you do, I wish you happiness xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/07/20 18:49:06]

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By *ap AdgeMan
over a year ago

Wirral

Relate is some one i would advise never to go to I got cheated on in ltr and it was awful

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Of course marriage can survive an affair, if you both want it to.

You say he cheated on you after just 5 months of marriage because he thought you didnt love him anymore and he was miserable. He should of spoken to you at that point, you should of stilm been in your 'honeymoon period'.

There's 2 things that I'd be upset about ~ the fact that he didn't have the balls to talk to you but more so that he cheated on you with someone you know.

I hope the counselling helps OP

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

I feel for you. I really do.

I am 3 years post discovering my husband’s affair and I still don’t know if I have forgiven him. But feelings have settled- I don’t get those rage attacks I used to get. Lockdown has actually helped us bond again...

So yes, our marriage has survived for now. But it’s taken time. You will feel better in time. x

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

All about the energy you and your partner feel rather than the affair. Everyone has positive and negative energy.

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By *ornyhappyCouple
over a year ago

perth

In most cases, but not all, an affair is a sign of something wrong within the relationship. Communication is vital in order to move forward (either together or apart) , until you really get to the root of why he had the affair you can't address the problem. Unless you fully understand why it happened how can you rebuild trust & ensure it doesn't happen again? You say he thought you didn't love him, what made him think that? What was he looking for in the affair that he didn't feel he was getting from your marriage? You say this is first real relationship, so is it that he feels he has missed out on something by getting married?

Also, how do you really feel now? What hurts you the most about the affair?

Counselling can undoubtedly help you work through this, but be prepared for the fact it may well unearth lots of things that are going to be upsetting & hurtful, but without really looking at why it happened you will always have unanswered questions which make moving forward & trusting him again harder.

Good luck OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How could you ever trust him again? Sorry had too work late, crash on motorway felt sick, been called in on overtime, going out with mates, would you believe him?

Obviously he wanted someone else and best thing is for you to leave him, find someone else who appreciates you. Once that trust is gone it's gone no ammount of counselling will bring it back it destroys marriages when trust has gone.

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By *moothman2000Man
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"His excuse was that he thought I didnt love him anymore and he was miserable."

So he's supposedly insecure, but sure enough of himself to sleep with someone else?

Sounds more like a rehearsed excuse to portray himself as an innocent and misunderstood man to me.

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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I suppose I just want to feel strong again and not like a victim of something but I dont know if thats possible while I stay with him x

I found myself in your position on several occasions in my last marriage.

I did the Relate thing, which was toe curlingly horrid.

I lost my job, almost lost my house and became a mere shadow of the person I was.

I eventually hit the point where I had to recognise that it was destroying me and filed for divorce.

Years on and I've left victimhood behind and rebuilt my life into something far better than it could ever have been.

Each person and situation is different, but be mindful of changing yourself and your values for the sake of someone who decided to betray you.

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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"His excuse was that he thought I didnt love him anymore and he was miserable.

So he's supposedly insecure, but sure enough of himself to sleep with someone else?

Sounds more like a rehearsed excuse to portray himself as an innocent and misunderstood man to me.

Good point made x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The husband of a woman I worked with had an affair. She was devastated, publicly humiliated him and has become even 15 years later bitter and unkind towards him.

Resolve the situation between you for the sake of both your peace of mind.

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By *moothman2000Man
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"The husband of a woman I worked with had an affair. She was devastated, publicly humiliated him and has become even 15 years later bitter and unkind towards him.

Resolve the situation between you for the sake of both your peace of mind. "

I found myself going down that route as well, not something that I'd ever experienced in myself before and I hated it.

I was uncomfortable at where I was being pushed, so after the third time I just quietly surrendered and called it a day.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"The husband of a woman I worked with had an affair. She was devastated, publicly humiliated him and has become even 15 years later bitter and unkind towards him.

Resolve the situation between you for the sake of both your peace of mind.

I found myself going down that route as well, not something that I'd ever experienced in myself before and I hated it.

I was uncomfortable at where I was being pushed, so after the third time I just quietly surrendered and called it a day."

Yeah it was unpleasant to witness and they both lost a lot of friends over it. They're still married but God knows how awful it is for both of them. I couldn't live like it

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By *moothman2000Man
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"They're still married but God knows how awful it is for both of them. I couldn't live like it"

No it's horrid.

Itbwas without doubt, the loneliest time of my life as I lived on my own for about 5 years despite being under the same roof.

Ironically, when she did finally move out I didn't notice for a few days.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"They're still married but God knows how awful it is for both of them. I couldn't live like it

No it's horrid.

Itbwas without doubt, the loneliest time of my life as I lived on my own for about 5 years despite being under the same roof.

Ironically, when she did finally move out I didn't notice for a few days.

Oh!

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By *moothman2000Man
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Ironically, when she did finally move out I didn't notice for a few days.

Oh!

Does my absolute devastation show?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Ironically, when she did finally move out I didn't notice for a few days.

Oh!

Does my absolute devastation show?

. I got a hint of it there

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By *rink Me xx OP Woman
over a year ago

Shropshire

Thanks so much all. Lots to think about and lots of amazing advice. Means alot honestly

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By *inateaseWoman
over a year ago

ANTRIM

I thought I could forgive an affair but it was always there. I think when someone breaks your trust it’s unfixable!

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By *rgoodnbadMan
over a year ago

greenock

Is that why you're here meeting other women?

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By *weetnjuicycoupleCouple
over a year ago

nottingham

Big fab hug from us all xxx

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

Yes without doubt.

BUT it depends on what the marriage was based on, why the affair started, how long it went on and a load of other details.

There is always a reason for infidelity and that reason involves both husband & wife, the reason has to be explored and overcome before a reconciliation can occur.

If you both still have the love and respect you had for each other when you got married then everything else can be overcome if the will is there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my ex wife did it, I would have gladly tried to save our marriage. So I think it could?

Depends on all the circumstances.

Was it through escapism, caught in the moment, boredom, excitement, or natural urge to see and play with the opposite sex?

If children are involved, both at least should try and not just walk away as easy as some do.

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By *ranimallxl5Man
over a year ago

Winchester

Depends on family and welfare

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By *FcoupleCouple (FF)
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

It isn't easy when you're the one who's been cheated on.

For me, if I can't talk to my partner in an open and honest way and have them there for me throughout whatever it is I'm going through and me be there for them with whatever they are going through then there's no point.

I stayed in a toxic, mentally and emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years longer than I should have but making the decision to do what was right for me and what I needed was really hard. It took a long time for me to work out what I wanted but I did and I've never looked back after leaving.

Boot on the other foot, if you can talk, work it out and want to be together then there's no reason it can't work.

I hope you find your happy

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By *aznlouCouple
over a year ago

co durham

Cheating nope, for me that would never work. Once the trust is gone so are they. I’m very clear cut & cut all feelings.

Everything we do we both know about & wouldn’t do behind the others back.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

No road gives an easy ride....

Deep down you already know the answer ....

Is your love for each other strong and deep enough to over come with time and resolve things...

Or as much as it might go against the grain you have to think about yourself and there are occasions in life when you have to be selfish and think of your self.

Do not rush or make a rash decision ...end of the day honesty is the best policy and that is being honest to your self as well as your partner..

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

You stated he worshipped you..

May indicate just when you think everything's rosy..

Always remember the Spanish inquisition always expect the unexpected ....

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By *ona63Woman
over a year ago

bradford

Drink Me - your gorgeous it’s his loss. Vodka, Ben and Jerry’s, Brigette Jones Box set and then “off you pof sir”

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's possible as everyone is unique, has different needs and expectations, plus every relationship has its own unique context.

People are flexible and motivations are strong enough to overcome enormous struggles and pain.

We make our own ways. We don't have to live by well worn tropes or the norms of yesteryear and wider society. When people breathe, they can forge their way ahead. Trust can be earned, where both want to give and gain

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By *eepminds67Couple
over a year ago

crewe

There is a site called just tango which has some interesting stories and facts about affairs which may help you to read.

For me its simple if you cheat then you forgo the privelige to be in the relationship or marraige you broke the trust within. Once you break that trust things can never be the same nor can you without condition be trusted again.

P writes this

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