FabSwingers.com forum: Why can't I get a meet?

By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

I realise I've only been on here a couple of weeks but I am yet to have a successful meet. I have chatted to plenty of people and arranged to meet (no specifics) but then the messages stop and the date passes. Is it just me? Or are there a lot of time wasters on here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you look damm and dandy to me x

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the first 11 words of your post answers your own question. Patience is a virtue.

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

"the first 11 words of your post answers your own question. Patience is a virtue."

Fair enough but how long should it take, really? I'm not complaining about lack of interest, I realised early on that the best policy for a single guy was to sit back and wait for people to come to you and it worked reasonably well. The real question was, have other people on here experienced time wasters? i.e. people who say they want to meet but something always comes up, or they leave it too late to confirm etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the first 11 words of your post answers your own question. Patience is a virtue.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

One word...patience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hang in there fella I think you will be just fine! Don't get down about it it's very normal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sure that for the genuine folk on here there are timewasters (I have been accused of that for cancelling meets) but I now tend to go off verifications, if someone is genuine they'll have genuine and up to date verifications. In 3 weeks I've accumulated 17 verifications, yes its been a busy 3 weeks! Look at profiles in depth and decide whether the person looks like they're likely to meet - read the verifications; its what they are there for - it'll also give you a good indication of what the person is looking for.

Enjoy!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"the first 11 words of your post answers your own question. Patience is a virtue.

It isn't like Argos where you go and order what you want and you get it within a certain time.

And to call people timewasters because you havn't had a meet within 3 weeks is a bit much, when you have a concrete meet and they don't turn up, then I would say they were timewasters, until then you and they are putting the feelers out by chatting for potential meet....have some patience or you won't get anywhere on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well, you can start by not moaning on a public forum. That certainly wont help your cause.

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

"It isn't like Argos where you go and order what you want and you get it within a certain time.

Isn't it, though? I see a lot of statuses and "meet today"'s that would suggest there is a whole lot of last minute meeting going on!

Of course everyone will want to move at their own pace and I'm not suggesting for one minute that anyone is a time waster simply for taking a few weeks to get to know someone and perhaps time waster was a poor choice of words.

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

"Well, you can start by not moaning on a public forum. That certainly wont help your cause."

It wasn't intended as a moan, just a simple question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you were moaning, I agree you were asking a question. Although I'm relatively new to fab I've been on the club scene for about 6 months so I'm kind of getting used to that. Fab works when people are honest with each other - I still think that looking at verifications and seeing how regularly people meet etc and who they meet is a good course of action!

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

"I'm sure that for the genuine folk on here there are timewasters (I have been accused of that for cancelling meets) but I now tend to go off verifications, if someone is genuine they'll have genuine and up to date verifications. In 3 weeks I've accumulated 17 verifications, yes its been a busy 3 weeks! Look at profiles in depth and decide whether the person looks like they're likely to meet - read the verifications; its what they are there for - it'll also give you a good indication of what the person is looking for.

Enjoy!

You say "get verifications" but that is like going for a job and getting turned away for not having experience, how do you get the first one?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"It isn't like Argos where you go and order what you want and you get it within a certain time.

Isn't it, though? I see a lot of statuses and "meet today"'s that would suggest there is a whole lot of last minute meeting going on!

Not sure what the "isn't it though" was to?

Yes of course people meet how they want to, some meet with little contact or not much, some with lots, some of us inbetween....but from your experience up to now those people you chatted to are not the meet today type by the sounds of it.

For some people it isn't a race to find a meet ASAP....you seem to want that, so the best thing would be to find those people who want the same rather than showing how frustrated you are because someone isn't going the same speed as you or how you would like.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"The real question was, have other people on here experienced time wasters? i.e. people who say they want to meet but something always comes up, or they leave it too late to confirm etc. "

Yes, but it's men and couples that tend to do that with me. As someone else has said on here, people are not timewasters until they have left you sat in a pub, wondering where the hell they are. In the meantime, keep chatting, and you'll meet genuine people eventually.

By the way, the fact you can't accommodate will not help, but there is a swinger club in Leeds, and several socials (check the meets forum) so you could meet people that way.

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

"It isn't like Argos where you go and order what you want and you get it within a certain time.

Isn't it, though? I see a lot of statuses and "meet today"'s that would suggest there is a whole lot of last minute meeting going on!

Not sure what the "isn't it though" was to?

The "isn't it though" was in regards to your likening fab to Argos.

Also, I think you've misunderstood, my frustration is not at the speed, or lack of it but at the unwillingness to go beyond a certain point.

Anyway, this whole thread has started to sound like me moaning when all it was supposed to be was an innocent question about whether or not it was a common occurrence, if we could get back to that it would be great.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"It isn't like Argos where you go and order what you want and you get it within a certain time.

Isn't it, though? I see a lot of statuses and "meet today"'s that would suggest there is a whole lot of last minute meeting going on!

Some people put "meet today" for those on their friends list to contact them if they're free, not for new meets, but you wouldn't know that.

If you're contacting people who also can't accommodate it can prove tricky, and it's been half term week, so priorities change.

Personally, I only class someone a timewaster if a time and place has been agreed, I've been there, they haven't. Thankfully that's never happened. I talk to people and the conversation dries up, we arrange a meet and cancel or meet socially and don't progress to play, none of that is timewasting.

You have a good profile, nice face and body...patience...and good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I realise I've only been on here a couple of weeks but I am yet to have a successful meet. I have chatted to plenty of people and arranged to meet (no specifics) but then the messages stop and the date passes. Is it just me? Or are there a lot of time wasters on here? "

There are timewasters on here true, but in my 2 1/2 years on here I'm yet to encounter one to be honest.

3 weeks is nothing for a bloke who's just started. It took me a week or two to sort a half decent profile and then I had to wait another couple of weeks for my first meet so just had fun with chatting as a lot won't meet a bloke with no veris. I probably have a meet every week or two now, but I could have meets most days probably if I didn't work such crap hours.

This proves its like a snowball effect really mate and successful meets lead to more successful meets.

Believe it or not a lot of guys actually wait MONTHS for their first meet so I'd remain positive as negativity puts a lot of people off.

Just enjoy flirting and chat till you do get your first meet because once you have regular meets and new interested folk daily it can be hectic keeping track. (You get some idea of what single fems and couples feel like lol)

Patience is key in the early stages, as other posters have said

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I don't think you were moaning, I agree you were asking a question. Although I'm relatively new to fab I've been on the club scene for about 6 months so I'm kind of getting used to that. Fab works when people are honest with each other - I still think that looking at verifications and seeing how regularly people meet etc and who they meet is a good course of action!

I'd disagree in that I wouldn't take the word of a total stranger on what hairspray to buy let alone who to take into my bed. I believe in using your own judgement and applying common sense, if it seems too good to be true...it probably is.

Not everyone likes the club scene, it really is about finding what works for you.

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

"The real question was, have other people on here experienced time wasters? i.e. people who say they want to meet but something always comes up, or they leave it too late to confirm etc.

By the way, the fact you can't accommodate will not help, but there is a swinger club in Leeds, and several socials (check the meets forum) so you could meet people that way."

Thank you, you seem to have taken this as it was meant and not me pissing and moaning.

The accommodating thing is a tricky one, I can do it but I do have housemates so different couples every night would not work so in balance I chose to put that I can't. Do you think if I explained that in my profile it might help?

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran

"Well, you can start by not moaning on a public forum. That certainly wont help your cause.

It wasn't intended as a moan, just a simple question. "

Maybe remove the last part of your profile to that could help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The "isn't it though" was in regards to your likening fab to Argos.

Also, I think you've misunderstood, my frustration is not at the speed, or lack of it but at the unwillingness to go beyond a certain point.

There is only one reason that your posts could come across as you moaning, no one else is injecting them with negativity.

Serious question, when you joined the site what was your expectation?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"The accommodating thing is a tricky one, I can do it but I do have housemates so different couples every night would not work so in balance I chose to put that I can't. Do you think if I explained that in my profile it might help?"

I don't know, as it still ultimately means you can't accommodate. But of course everyone assumes men who can't accommodate are married so you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

Might be an idea to state you are happy to arrange accommodation for prospective meets. There are several reasonable hotels in Leeds city centre.

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

"Well, you can start by not moaning on a public forum. That certainly wont help your cause.

It wasn't intended as a moan, just a simple question.

Maybe remove the last part of your profile to that could help

Noted.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

The "isn't it though" was in regards to your likening fab to Argos.

Also, I think you've misunderstood, my frustration is not at the speed, or lack of it but at the unwillingness to go beyond a certain point.

I think maybe you may not be as succesful as you hope to be if you do liken this to Argos.

I did understand you, I just think you are speaking to people who are not wanting the same thing as you , ie speed wise/ not ready to go the next stage ( same thing to me , they are not wanting things to move so fast hence are not as speedy to arrange a meet) and why I suggested speaking to people who are instead.

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

Ok, in general, thank you for your help. I'm not sure all of you fully got my point but thanks for your input none the less.

I have some ideas kn how to make myself seem more appealing and most of all I've learned that I should be more patient. I hope you're all right.

Happy swinging everyone.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

your answer is in your first 11 words...

I am not sure why people think it will be instantaneous...

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

your answer is in your first 11 words...

I am not sure why people think it will be instantaneous..."

Yeah, we already covered that mate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If only i had a quid for every guy that posts a moaning message about not getting a shag on here............

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

[Removed by poster at 10/06/12 00:48:40]

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By *ont Ask Dont GetWoman
over a year ago

amersham

It happens all the time, as they will be having the same sort of conversations with several single guys with new ones probably writing to them daily. In my experience there's a certain amount of luck whether they pick you and I would advise you to just drop them a polite note from time to time to stay in their consciousness. Stay patient and polite and I'm sure it will happen.

I think you look delicious... but I'm too far away and too old! Oh well! haha x

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I think you look delicious... but I'm too far away and too old! Oh well! haha x"

...and I disagree, not with you being gorgeous, with sending messages to people who haven't replied, it could lead to being blocked as a pest.

Why waste time on people who aren't interested when you could be having fun with someone who is?

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

^^ Aw, thanks you two, its a shame you're not closer. x

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By *ont Ask Dont GetWoman
over a year ago

amersham

" ...and I disagree, not with you being gorgeous, with sending messages to people who haven't replied, it could lead to being blocked as a pest "

Oh yes, I wasn't suggesting you persist with people who haven't answered you, but just maintain occasional contact with those you have had promising conversations with. If they don't choose to stay in touch after a couple of messages, then you have to move on...they obviously have...

Oh, and I think a lot of us on here are outside your preferred age range, so that may have something to do with it too?? Just a thought.

Good luck xx

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Your profile reads well. Your photos show everything that needs to be seen. You have a face pic which confirms that you don't look anything like Quasimodo and that is always a huge bonus.

Like what a lot of people have said, it takes time. I'm lucky in that I can meet a lot of guys by just letting them know where I'll be going dogging, whereas couples tend to take a bit more work, probably because they both have to be sure they want to invite you into their house to play.

Either way, I'm sure you'll do fine on here.

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

Preferred age range is just that, preferred. I wouldnt disregard anyone based solely on age and I haven't blocked anyone outside of it from messaging me. Do you think I should point that out in my profile?

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

"Preferred age range is just that, preferred. I wouldnt disregard anyone based solely on age and I haven't blocked anyone outside of it from messaging me. Do you think I should point that out in my profile?"

Also, didn't realise I'd set it at 40, should have been higher.

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By *ont Ask Dont GetWoman
over a year ago

amersham

Lovin the pants! haha x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From reading your posts I think you sound like you have your head screwed on the right way. You're also pretty hot. Hope you get busy soon.

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By *onnoisseur100Man
over a year ago

Woking-ish

My experience, being in a similar situation, is that swinging is like life in general or evolution; we go down many promising paths only to find a dead end. You then start the search for the next prospect, overall you find many deadends and occasionally success! Learn from the failures and enjoy the successes.

Let's hope you find success a little quicker than the 4 1/2 billion years it has taken evolution to produce both you and the rest of us!

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

How profound.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

......because you won't get of your lazy backside and go to a club.....

Honestly, this is not dial-a-fuck.com

go to a club, you look like a fair looking bloke, if you can speak in whole sentences, and don't dribble, you'll get more offers that you'll know what to do with....

Then you'll get verified, and lots of messages...

It really is that easy......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

see this thread every week dont we?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

you come across a very decent lad, good luck and hope the site gives you what you are looking for....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"......because you won't get of your lazy backside and go to a club.....

Honestly, this is not dial-a-fuck.com

go to a club, you look like a fair looking bloke, if you can speak in whole sentences, and don't dribble, you'll get more offers that you'll know what to do with....

Then you'll get verified, and lots of messages...

It really is that easy......"

It makes me laugh when people post their own definitive answer to being successful as if it is the only way to succeed.

I've only ever been to club as part of a couple and I get plenty of meets. There are plenty of other ways to be suceesful...

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By *stwoCouple
over a year ago

anywhere

Confused about your rant here.We tried to meet you and still awaiting your reply.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"......because you won't get of your lazy backside and go to a club.....

Honestly, this is not dial-a-fuck.com

go to a club, you look like a fair looking bloke, if you can speak in whole sentences, and don't dribble, you'll get more offers that you'll know what to do with....

Then you'll get verified, and lots of messages...

It really is that easy......"

Now was that really necessary?

Not everyone likes clubs: personally I find the idea of clubs pretty yucky. The op will do well if he has the right attitude.

I do agree though it's easy when you know how.

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

Will message you, rant is over and was unrelated to you anyway.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"......because you won't get of your lazy backside and go to a club.....

go......"

He is lazy because he won't go to a club? what if he doesn't like the sound of a club? Does that mean he is not lazy then?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Confused about your rant here.We tried to meet you and still awaiting your reply."

How ironic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"......because you won't get of your lazy backside and go to a club.....

Honestly, this is not dial-a-fuck.com

go to a club, you look like a fair looking bloke, if you can speak in whole sentences, and don't dribble, you'll get more offers that you'll know what to do with....

Then you'll get verified, and lots of messages...

It really is that easy......

Now was that really necessary?

Not everyone likes clubs: personally I find the idea of clubs pretty yucky. The op will do well if he has the right attitude.

I do agree though it's easy when you know how."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/06/12 15:30:25]

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

[Removed by poster at 10/06/12 15:32:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it is necessary.

1) The OP lists clubs in his interests.

2) You cannot moan about not having something and then refuse to go to where the something you want is.

3) It is not my opinion about meets happening at clubs, it is fact, they do.

4) For single guys on here putting a bit of ground work in is essential.

5) Swinging mostly starts with socialising in the first instance

Above all the OP asked why he couldn't get a meet.

Well I gave the answer, if you don't like the answer, it doesn't make the answer the problem.

And it is lazy not to go to clubs, if you cannot get meets via the site, and want to get into the scene.

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

Was going to retort then read your profile. Nuff said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll take that as a compliment.

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

Ha ha, you do that!

Go back and read the very last line of the first post. That was the point. There was no moan, no rant, just a genuine question to which the answer is yes. Now that I know that, I know how to proceed and it shall bother me no more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the first 11 words of your post answers your own question. Patience is a virtue."

Also a virgin

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

Nah, Justice is a virtue too and that dirty bitch is sure to have had her way with patience.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

And it is lazy not to go to clubs, if you cannot get meets via the site, and want to get into the scene.

But what the idea of clubs doesn't turn you on? Does it then boil down to choice of where you want to play rather than lazyness?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been on this site for two and a half years, have never been to a social and have been to a club twice and the first of those two occasions was after I had been swinging for over a year.

Have I had a hard time of it? Hell no, since joining everyone in the main has been really welcoming and pleasurably horny to boot proving that clubs aren't essential whatsoever, they merely provide a good environment. All I did was chat to others in forums, via messages back and forth and on one or two occasions in the chatrooms.

Therefore the OP doesn't need to set foot in a club if he doesn't feel like it, its not a necessity for swinging.

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

[Removed by poster at 10/06/12 20:13:43]

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By *cottishrich OP Man
over a year ago

Here and there

I know, right.

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By *eenonfun2Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Have you thought about going to a social night?

We have regular social nights in Glasgow, and a social night out would get you verified for the genuine, good looking, guy that im sure you are

You would need to wear your dancing shoes tho

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I was simply putting a novice on the path to enjoying the lifestyle."

LOL we are not worthy to share the site with this paragon of virtue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly this thread is a bit like.....

Capitan Prolific who started it, and his band of merry "hidden verification" mates have all turned up at midnight at local dogging spot having read about it in the local evening newspaper. Found a car with open windows and stuck their dicks in. After 5 minutes of nothing happening, one notices a "POLICE AWARE" sticker on the front windscreen. following an embarrassing silence, they disperse, go home and verify each other under "met in person" and saying "turned up as a arranged"

.....Pointless.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

[Removed by poster at 10/06/12 21:59:48]

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

".....Pointless."

Why do you hang around here? You obviously consider the rest of us incredibly beneath you. Although you impart advice, you do it in such a way to try and belittle anyone not as obviously successful and desired as you.

My goodness, if I was half as successful as you, I wouldn't be so condescending. You can give advice nicely.

Oh, and I've never met the OP, so am not one of his 'hidden verifications'. But if thinking that keeps you warm at night then go for it.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think maybe the OP has all the answers he needs now.

Good luck OP in whatever you do.

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