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Dom men in bed

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch?

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster

I know exactly what you mean,I've come across a lot of Dom men who have just been aggressive bullies, there are some sensual Dom's about and they are more what I m wanting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I like a man that can take control in the bedroom. But outside of the bedroom, I want to be equal.

I'm quite lucky. The fb is the kindest funniest guy I know. But in the bedroom, he totally takes control. And it's mind blowing

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By *ood girl2010Couple
over a year ago

crewe


"I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch? "

im a sub and t took me years to find my bf out of the bed room im treated so good do normal things and in bed he has complet control when we play and we do have normal sex to.

but as a dom omg its so so good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some are genuine doms

Some are sadists, watch out for them

Some are dreamers; never touched a pair of tits

All comes with trust and let the adventures begin x

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch?

im a sub and t took me years to find my bf out of the bed room im treated so good do normal things and in bed he has complet control when we play and we do have normal sex to.

but as a dom omg its so so good "

for me, even though I'm a domme. i always talk to my lover beforehand what our expectations, limits, safe word etc. I'm worried with a dom. i wont get the opportunity or allowed to have these kind of conversation as its not normal part of this sexual relationship?

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By *ockedandloaded888Man
over a year ago

ayr

No reason not to have the same kind of discussion beforehand when you want to switch.

Always have the safe word and way out.

You’re a much rarer find as a dome lady though. There aren’t that many of those about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being a bedroom bully and bossy outside of the bedroom are two different things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some are genuine doms

Some are sadists, watch out for them

Some are dreamers; never touched a pair of tits

All comes with trust and let the adventures begin x"

Doms that never touched a pair of tits

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By *ave_diamondMan
over a year ago

Rhyd-y-foel

I thought it was always about what the sub wanted but maybe push some limits is thats what the sub wanted?

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh


"I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch? "

You’re not asking too much at all. The most erotic and intense dom relationships I have enjoyed have always been based around what turns the sub on. My excitement comes from exploring and exposing those fantasies, not from any power trip of my own. Nice guy with a twist of kink, that’s me

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"I thought it was always about what the sub wanted but maybe push some limits is thats what the sub wanted?"

Yeah it is , control is first given by the sub not taken by the Dom

I think these guys exist that can be Dom in bed only they are just switch, but play often starts well before the bedroom and builds

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh


"I thought it was always about what the sub wanted but maybe push some limits is thats what the sub wanted?

Yeah it is , control is first given by the sub not taken by the Dom

I think these guys exist that can be Dom in bed only they are just switch, but play often starts well before the bedroom and builds "

It’s that giving I find such a turn on. Love the responsibility of being given someone’s fantasies to explore and play with, such a thrill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great to read this thread. Having always thought myself far from submissive I’ve met a man who is helping me gently experiment and explore possibilities. I’m finding it hard to believe my luck and to contain my happiness! Life is sooo good!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Great to read this thread. Having always thought myself far from submissive I’ve met a man who is helping me gently experiment and explore possibilities. I’m finding it hard to believe my luck and to contain my happiness! Life is sooo good!!"

Know that feeling...

Enjoy the journey

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By *arksxMan
over a year ago

Leicester / London


"I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch? "

OP you could answer your question by saying your a looking for a (sexually dominate) man

What you are describing out of it is a control freak

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Know that feeling...

Enjoy the journey"

Thank you! Xx

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By *inksAPlentyCouple
over a year ago

Bedfordshire


"I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch?

im a sub and t took me years to find my bf out of the bed room im treated so good do normal things and in bed he has complet control when we play and we do have normal sex to.

but as a dom omg its so so good

for me, even though I'm a domme. i always talk to my lover beforehand what our expectations, limits, safe word etc. I'm worried with a dom. i wont get the opportunity or allowed to have these kind of conversation as its not normal part of this sexual relationship? "

Why shouldn't it work the other way round? As others have said it's about the sub willingly giving control. And for me trust is a huge part of that. If you're not 'allowed' to have those conversations and build that trust then don't take things any further.

Ms x

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"Being a bedroom bully and bossy outside of the bedroom are two different things "

Yes and neither of those personality I find personally attractive. so every dom I been with and chatted to just haven't appealed to me so far

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"Some are genuine doms

Some are sadists, watch out for them

Some are dreamers; never touched a pair of tits

All comes with trust and let the adventures begin x"

What key traits do sadist or dreamers have?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m very dominant in the bedroom or can be, people always say it’s a bully or aggressive thing but I like the control but in a nice way. Outside the bedroom I am like a different person, not aggressive, a bully, or anything like that. Just an easy going person who likes to share the company of a woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get what you are saying 100%

I would say I’m more masculine in bed than Dom if that make sense?

It’s about being powerful and in charge, it helps if you have the physical presence to go along with it.

I was with a woman that wanted a Dom, but just wasn’t for me. Choking, being a daddy etc like someone said earlier almost sadistic! I feel there is a big difference from that and just being more masculine if you like??

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"I get what you are saying 100%

I would say I’m more masculine in bed than Dom if that make sense?

It’s about being powerful and in charge, it helps if you have the physical presence to go along with it.

I was with a woman that wanted a Dom, but just wasn’t for me. Choking, being a daddy etc like someone said earlier almost sadistic! I feel there is a big difference from that and just being more masculine if you like??"

These are completely different things that’s that why there’s 4 letters in BDSM. Dominance isn’t sadism and isn't just masculinity either, it’s being trusted with control and decisions of agreed things in or out the bedroom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely nothing wrong with sadism and sexual control in a sexual setting, or as part of a flowing relationship.

There needs to be an equality of minds and an ability to communicate. Good luck OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some are genuine doms

Some are sadists, watch out for them

Some are dreamers; never touched a pair of tits

All comes with trust and let the adventures begin x

Doms that never touched a pair of tits "

Yeah thats my point, not doms at all, just fantasists

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some are genuine doms

Some are sadists, watch out for them

Some are dreamers; never touched a pair of tits

All comes with trust and let the adventures begin x

What key traits do sadist or dreamers have? "

dreamers i.e - people who like the idea, are not doms, just like the thought of it....maybe playing the part.

Sadists, experienced a few on another site, not my thing, im up for a bit of rough, but dont want scarring or permanent damage

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By *hotographer 30Man
over a year ago

rochdale

As a Dom I sit down and see where your boundaries are . It’s all about trust this takes time giving your body to a stranger can be such a turn on take care lol but not to much x

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By *istressZoeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

I agree with much of this thread

As a Dom I have no problem combining my domination streak with a sensitive and caring nature

My partners will tell you I command complete control in the bedroom x play room or in scenario based play x

They will also tell you I can be a perfect gentleman

Manners x romantic gestures x a partnership around the home x and everyday gestures as nice txts x hugs and sensitive talk x

I don’t see it as two sides of a coin but simply more of being at ease with all aspect of your desires and emotions

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By *omsubdevonCouple
over a year ago

Newton Abbot

Good article here:

https://www.killingkittens.com/blog/handle-care-fragile-disposition-submissive/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To the OP, i am an experienced switch in the world of BDSM which has a wide variety of flavours. In terms of straight D/s it really and ultimately comes down to the deep needs of each person. It is crucial to understand each others wants, fantasies and limits... and this is always best achieved through conversation and then experimentation. To go from dominant to submissive is not easy because submission is a heightened release by giving up control you normally have. So to start with i suggest you simply do "Domme from the sub position" until you feel comfortable and have the trust in your Dom to allow him/her to take.full control. The elation you will feel at that point is out of this world!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Open Dialogue..all the way through..it changes with every play session My wife and I have. each one of us is looking for a particular type of Vibe..to pardon the pun.. so with constant and open conversation not even before a play session..we could be doing some gardening..or shopping and a subject or move or position or bondage position etc etc..it never really stops with us to perfect our kinks so that each wins..and we are both 50/50 switchs so its even more complicated..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of guys hve little to no idea of what a Dom is.

The truth is in a Dom sub dynamic, the sub holds a lot of the power.

Takes time for a Dom to understated a sub and also to what level she would like to explore.

Sadly many men just see a “Dom” as an easy way to have sex with a submissive and be nasty and forceful, completely not what it’s about at all! :/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aren't the basic 'rules ' just the same as those at the core of any kind of intimate relationship?

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By *inksAPlentyCouple
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

As the Ms said. It's about the sub GIVING control to another.

I would advise having a full discussion about likes/dislikes, dos/don'ts. And ALWAYS have a safe word.

Key is to go at YOUR pace and not that of another as this can cause confusion in what you want.

Having discovered my Dom side in the bedroom I try to be a gentleman at all times.

Just be honest and open from the start and you should get exactly what you're looking for.

Mr xx

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By *atenaWoman
over a year ago

Hyde

I want an all round Dominant .... not just a bedroom....

I'm naturally submissive - wouldn't guess it as I'm Alpha day to day- but it's just who I am to a Dom that connects with me

So I'll send all my PMs your way and yours to me

Hahahahah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I like a man that can take control in the bedroom. But outside of the bedroom, I want to be equal.

I'm quite lucky. The fb is the kindest funniest guy I know. But in the bedroom, he totally takes control. And it's mind blowing "

This

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

Like in all relationships its all about the balance..Sexaully a sub in the bedroom would want a dom in the bedroom but a naturally submissive woman may want a dom out of the bedroom as well.

There are levels of what a sub wants/needs and what a dom wants/needs and if theres a balance then your both happy.

But you should have a good idea before you start playing..And a good dom will talk to you alot before play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The whole issue is the definition of being a Dom and its not just about controlling its about understanding, developing, pushing bounderies. Its all about active communication which alot fail to do or understand.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

A few points.

If OP wants a dom to satisfy her the way she wants to be satisfied, that could be a job for dominant. If OP wants to direct the dominant in detail, that is topping from the bottom and is not acceptable. It may be acceptable if the dominant has agreed to top, but topping from the bottom would not be acceptable to any dom/domme.

The sadists I know are very safe they are into consensual hurt that is passing. They are not into causing permanent harm. They try to play as safely as possible and put in the work and research to be as safe as possible.

The people to be wary of are the charming psychopaths/sociopaths This is because they know how to manipulate people and don't care what harm they cause.

Also because not all D/S involves impact or sensation play, the narcissists are equally as dangerous to well being but in different ways.

I believe people are entitled to have the relationship they want (abuse excepted).

I don't believe title regulates personality, therefore to be a dom you don't need to be an alpha or assertive.

However, if you ask for a dom you can't expect them to take a submissive role unless it is pre-agreed. If they take the submissive role they are not acting as a dom.

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands


"A few points.

If OP wants a dom to satisfy her the way she wants to be satisfied, that could be a job for dominant. If OP wants to direct the dominant in detail, that is topping from the bottom and is not acceptable. It may be acceptable if the dominant has agreed to top, but topping from the bottom would not be acceptable to any dom/domme.

The sadists I know are very safe they are into consensual hurt that is passing. They are not into causing permanent harm. They try to play as safely as possible and put in the work and research to be as safe as possible.

The people to be wary of are the charming psychopaths/sociopaths This is because they know how to manipulate people and don't care what harm they cause.

Also because not all D/S involves impact or sensation play, the narcissists are equally as dangerous to well being but in different ways.

I believe people are entitled to have the relationship they want (abuse excepted).

I don't believe title regulates personality, therefore to be a dom you don't need to be an alpha or assertive.

However, if you ask for a dom you can't expect them to take a submissive role unless it is pre-agreed. If they take the submissive role they are not acting as a dom.

"

Wise words

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I like a man that can take control in the bedroom. But outside of the bedroom, I want to be equal.

I'm quite lucky. The fb is the kindest funniest guy I know. But in the bedroom, he totally takes control. And it's mind blowing "

Definitely this

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"I want an all round Dominant .... not just a bedroom....

I'm naturally submissive - wouldn't guess it as I'm Alpha day to day- but it's just who I am to a Dom that connects with me

So I'll send all my PMs your way and yours to me

Hahahahah "

sure as I get plenty of doms, who don't really read my profile, your way!

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton


"A few points.

If OP wants a dom to satisfy her the way she wants to be satisfied, that could be a job for dominant. If OP wants to direct the dominant in detail, that is topping from the bottom and is not acceptable. It may be acceptable if the dominant has agreed to top, but topping from the bottom would not be acceptable to any dom/domme.

The sadists I know are very safe they are into consensual hurt that is passing. They are not into causing permanent harm. They try to play as safely as possible and put in the work and research to be as safe as possible.

The people to be wary of are the charming psychopaths/sociopaths This is because they know how to manipulate people and don't care what harm they cause.

Also because not all D/S involves impact or sensation play, the narcissists are equally as dangerous to well being but in different ways.

I believe people are entitled to have the relationship they want (abuse excepted).

I don't believe title regulates personality, therefore to be a dom you don't need to be an alpha or assertive.

However, if you ask for a dom you can't expect them to take a submissive role unless it is pre-agreed. If they take the submissive role they are not acting as a dom.

Wise words "

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Literally this is exactly what I’m looking for..... seems to be harder than I thought lol

Or you get the guys that say there Dom and think it’s all part of the game not to tell you anything about themselves. Errrr no thanks lol

Had one guy who wouldn’t even send me a face picture .... like honestly ?????

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"I want an all round Dominant .... not just a bedroom....

I'm naturally submissive - wouldn't guess it as I'm Alpha day to day- but it's just who I am to a Dom that connects with me

So I'll send all my PMs your way and yours to me

Hahahahah "

Some of the most interesting submissives I’ve met here have been alpha by day, seems to be a release when you are making tough demanding decisions all day, to have someone you trust then choose the restaurant, meal, wine, dress , shoes, make up, hair ... and to be able to do that for someone special who could easily do that themselves feels good, like effortless service not controlling or hard work at all, unlike a needy person

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By *atenaWoman
over a year ago

Hyde


"

Some of the most interesting submissives I’ve met here have been alpha by day, seems to be a release when you are making tough demanding decisions all day, to have someone you trust then choose the restaurant, meal, wine, dress , shoes, make up, hair ... and to be able to do that for someone special who could easily do that themselves feels good, like effortless service not controlling or hard work at all, unlike a needy person "

Yessssss.... exactly that!!!!

I can do XYZ... but I submit and give you control

Over me

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh


"

Some of the most interesting submissives I’ve met here have been alpha by day, seems to be a release when you are making tough demanding decisions all day, to have someone you trust then choose the restaurant, meal, wine, dress , shoes, make up, hair ... and to be able to do that for someone special who could easily do that themselves feels good, like effortless service not controlling or hard work at all, unlike a needy person

Yessssss.... exactly that!!!!

I can do XYZ... but I submit and give you control

Over me

"

It’s that ‘being given’ control that makes me love being a Dom. It’s not a power play but much more the excitement of being given such an amazing gift

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"

Some of the most interesting submissives I’ve met here have been alpha by day, seems to be a release when you are making tough demanding decisions all day, to have someone you trust then choose the restaurant, meal, wine, dress , shoes, make up, hair ... and to be able to do that for someone special who could easily do that themselves feels good, like effortless service not controlling or hard work at all, unlike a needy person

Yessssss.... exactly that!!!!

I can do XYZ... but I submit and give you control

Over me

It’s that ‘being given’ control that makes me love being a Dom. It’s not a power play but much more the excitement of being given such an amazing gift "

So I'm too domme to have a dom in bed? As I like to have total control how things go in the bedroom.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Some of the worst are just selfish lovers who have added a label that they think gives them carte blanche to take what they want. There are too many clueless poor lovers who try their chances and the Dom option is 1 that they flock to. Get to know the real person first, I find the chancers soon shy away from deeper human contact

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By *quaman87Man
over a year ago

douglas

A Dom should be respectful to the sub women! Not just think he's gonna do what he wants when he wants and she has no say!!

I'm very dominant, but I'd wanna no limits and do's and don't s!

So if you ask how you want it I believe that's fine, a decent man/Dom would do what you want but in his way still being Dominant!

I believe a Dom is a pleaser and selfless only thinking of her pleaser.

For me i won't stop till she's fully satisfied. When's she's pleased I'm please

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By *quaman87Man
over a year ago

douglas

Excuse some spelling auto correct

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By *dreamofunicornsWoman
over a year ago

wakefield

I would love to find a don male that understands I don't like pain but love restraints and breath play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a brat.. and love a Dom but not sure most like Brats. I'm only Bratty sexually, I'm dominant in the day due to my job. I've met one guy that just looked at me in a certain way and I knew I was going to taught a lesson.. love all that lol

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"

Some of the most interesting submissives I’ve met here have been alpha by day, seems to be a release when you are making tough demanding decisions all day, to have someone you trust then choose the restaurant, meal, wine, dress , shoes, make up, hair ... and to be able to do that for someone special who could easily do that themselves feels good, like effortless service not controlling or hard work at all, unlike a needy person

Yessssss.... exactly that!!!!

I can do XYZ... but I submit and give you control

Over me

It’s that ‘being given’ control that makes me love being a Dom. It’s not a power play but much more the excitement of being given such an amazing gift

So I'm too domme to have a dom in bed? As I like to have total control how things go in the bedroom. "

I find it really hard to separate the two. It’s not an act of role play in the bedroom, just an extension of my normal character and the D/s relationship. Don’t think you are too Domme but in the bedroom only , I think a switch can do that. I know someone very submissive in all aspects of life and sex , but has a big fantasy to Dom a man and possibly those partner in the bedroom only, she has no idea what to do and no confidence to do it yet , would be lost for worlds etc but it’s similar, it’s rile play rather than natural

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"

Some of the most interesting submissives I’ve met here have been alpha by day, seems to be a release when you are making tough demanding decisions all day, to have someone you trust then choose the restaurant, meal, wine, dress , shoes, make up, hair ... and to be able to do that for someone special who could easily do that themselves feels good, like effortless service not controlling or hard work at all, unlike a needy person

Yessssss.... exactly that!!!!

I can do XYZ... but I submit and give you control

Over me

It’s that ‘being given’ control that makes me love being a Dom. It’s not a power play but much more the excitement of being given such an amazing gift

So I'm too domme to have a dom in bed? As I like to have total control how things go in the bedroom.

I find it really hard to separate the two. It’s not an act of role play in the bedroom, just an extension of my normal character and the D/s relationship. Don’t think you are too Domme but in the bedroom only , I think a switch can do that. I know someone very submissive in all aspects of life and sex , but has a big fantasy to Dom a man and possibly those partner in the bedroom only, she has no idea what to do and no confidence to do it yet , would be lost for worlds etc but it’s similar, it’s rile play rather than natural "

I was chatting to my dom lover the other day, talking about my kinks. He pointed out the reasons he never do them. So my sexual preferences would never be fulfilled by him.

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By *ilth84Man
over a year ago

Stafford

Forgive me if I am wrong but isnt the dom/sub relationship based on the illusion of power and control?

Where each party consents, the submissive gives consent for the control over them and the dom respects the boundries put in place.

Being submissive surely does not give full reign for the dominant to act or do whatever they please without prior agreement between the partys involved?

I would think communication and consent would be paramount to these dynamics otherwise this would just be narcissistic and abusive?

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By *oldyoudown41Man
over a year ago

caledonian


"

Some of the most interesting submissives I’ve met here have been alpha by day, seems to be a release when you are making tough demanding decisions all day, to have someone you trust then choose the restaurant, meal, wine, dress , shoes, make up, hair ... and to be able to do that for someone special who could easily do that themselves feels good, like effortless service not controlling or hard work at all, unlike a needy person

Yessssss.... exactly that!!!!

I can do XYZ... but I submit and give you control

Over me

It’s that ‘being given’ control that makes me love being a Dom. It’s not a power play but much more the excitement of being given such an amazing gift

So I'm too domme to have a dom in bed? As I like to have total control how things go in the bedroom.

I find it really hard to separate the two. It’s not an act of role play in the bedroom, just an extension of my normal character and the D/s relationship. Don’t think you are too Domme but in the bedroom only , I think a switch can do that. I know someone very submissive in all aspects of life and sex , but has a big fantasy to Dom a man and possibly those partner in the bedroom only, she has no idea what to do and no confidence to do it yet , would be lost for worlds etc but it’s similar, it’s rile play rather than natural

I was chatting to my dom lover the other day, talking about my kinks. He pointed out the reasons he never do them. So my sexual preferences would never be fulfilled by him. "

Wow ... time for an upgrade

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"Forgive me if I am wrong but isnt the dom/sub relationship based on the illusion of power and control?

Where each party consents, the submissive gives consent for the control over them and the dom respects the boundries put in place.

Being submissive surely does not give full reign for the dominant to act or do whatever they please without prior agreement between the partys involved?

I would think communication and consent would be paramount to these dynamics otherwise this would just be narcissistic and abusive? "

yes exactly but there men who think the latter is dom and sub relationship which I stay way clear from. I'm personally more domme than sub so generally go for subs. I occasionally meet doms, they have their strengths but I find they're usually very dominate outside the bedroom and often don't share my kinks so I feel frustrated. Thank God we can have more than one lover, eh!

I like to find a kinky dom for a good change in my sex life to see how much I would like it.

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By *lut-annaTV/TS
over a year ago

Central London/ St Pancrass

Seems completely normal and reasonable. You want a partner in life where you can feel valued and treated as equal but become his kinky submissive in the bedroom. There are Doms like that. They are just hard to find! Don't lower your expectations, keep looking!

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh


"

Some of the most interesting submissives I’ve met here have been alpha by day, seems to be a release when you are making tough demanding decisions all day, to have someone you trust then choose the restaurant, meal, wine, dress , shoes, make up, hair ... and to be able to do that for someone special who could easily do that themselves feels good, like effortless service not controlling or hard work at all, unlike a needy person

Yessssss.... exactly that!!!!

I can do XYZ... but I submit and give you control

Over me

It’s that ‘being given’ control that makes me love being a Dom. It’s not a power play but much more the excitement of being given such an amazing gift

So I'm too domme to have a dom in bed? As I like to have total control how things go in the bedroom. "

I think you are Jasmine yes. For the dynamic to work someone has to take control.

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By *ennyTSTV/TS
over a year ago

Southend


"I would love to find a don male that understands I don't like pain but love restraints and breath play "

Its a very hard thing to find !

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton


"I would love to find a don male that understands I don't like pain but love restraints and breath play

Its a very hard thing to find !"

I think there are plenty who understand that.

I suspect too many subs look for the stereotypes and choose from the picture, rather than getting out there (precovid) and getting to know people who don't fit the stereotype but could deliver.

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"I would love to find a don male that understands I don't like pain but love restraints and breath play

Its a very hard thing to find !

I think there are plenty who understand that.

I suspect too many subs look for the stereotypes and choose from the picture, rather than getting out there (precovid) and getting to know people who don't fit the stereotype but could deliver."

Isn't alot of the time, initial attraction based on looks online. For me, I know how a true submissive guy talks to me to prove he is submissive

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

If it is kink play, physical attraction is not a major driver for me. The key thing is they do the see the fun in kink. Online, I tend to contact people on the basis of a response in a thread, or comments in their profile.

Even then, because there are different types of submissives, just because someone says they are submissive and can talk the talk there is no guarantee that we are looking for the same thing. It is then a case of going through a process to ensure you are both looking for the same kind of play at the same intensity.

Also, if the sub requires aftercare and time to recover, are they the kind of person you want to socialise with whilst their return to an even kèel.

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By *iscreetfuncpl12Couple
over a year ago

Somerset


"I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch? "
It is possible, it is how we met, and 7 years, 2 kids and a house later it’s still as good as it gets for us.

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

how cute. Love a romantic ending to kinky stuff. I swear I just attract aloof men. But in bed, I think I prefer a switch from reading these comments and on reflection

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

To me D/s play is a dance of physical/emotional and intellectual balance.

The key is making sure you are both dancing to the same tune.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's out there don't give up.

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

hope so. be nice to have a handsome dom in my bed!

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh


"hope so. be nice to have a handsome dom in my bed! "

Seek and you shall find Jasmine

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"hope so. be nice to have a handsome dom in my bed!

Seek and you shall find Jasmine "

still haven't found him yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be clear what you what from the beginning. You want to be controlled in the bedroom but you are a strong, independent woman outside that arena. You will fine him at some point xxx

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By *hunderstruckMan
over a year ago

Northampton

A dominant male would probably be the person you’d least expect.

He’d could be the quiet assuming nerd, polite and intuitive. Maybe a shelf stacker or delivery driver

And not the guy who appears confident at work and leads a team .

When I’ve chatted to submissive people male or female . They are usually managers or have very stressful jobs . They want to be free from the pressures of their day to day life and let someone else take over in the bedroom .

Maybe explain what you’d like in your profile .

It doesn’t tell me you’re remotely submissive or that you’re looking for a dominant partner .

Aside from that good luck

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"A dominant male would probably be the person you’d least expect.

He’d could be the quiet assuming nerd, polite and intuitive. Maybe a shelf stacker or delivery driver

And not the guy who appears confident at work and leads a team .

When I’ve chatted to submissive people male or female . They are usually managers or have very stressful jobs . They want to be free from the pressures of their day to day life and let someone else take over in the bedroom .

Maybe explain what you’d like in your profile .

It doesn’t tell me you’re remotely submissive or that you’re looking for a dominant partner .

Aside from that good luck "

lol because I'm not submissive at all... just wondering if abit of change do me good

tbh submissive bi men are the hottest men I encountered.

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By *omvampmMan
over a year ago

gillingham


"I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch? "

Bossy and agreesive controlling types are not Doms. They are bully's and idiots a good Dom has empathy respect and gains trust op you just need to chose carefully a switch may be what you need as their understanding and respect will be from both perspectives but a good genuine Dom will respect your wishes and keep it to the bedroom at levels that you are happy and contempt with only pushing boundaries with your prior agreement and understanding once trust is gained x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's perfectly usual to establish boundaries, what you like, want to try. Bringing a Dom dosnt exclude this normal activity of communicating with a partner.

Men can do this lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A lot of guys hve little to no idea of what a Dom is.

The truth is in a Dom sub dynamic, the sub holds a lot of the power.

Takes time for a Dom to understated a sub and also to what level she would like to explore.

Sadly many men just see a “Dom” as an easy way to have sex with a submissive and be nasty and forceful, completely not what it’s about at all! :/"

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch?

Bossy and agreesive controlling types are not Doms. They are bully's and idiots a good Dom has empathy respect and gains trust op you just need to chose carefully a switch may be what you need as their understanding and respect will be from both perspectives but a good genuine Dom will respect your wishes and keep it to the bedroom at levels that you are happy and contempt with only pushing boundaries with your prior agreement and understanding once trust is gained x"

yes that's the domme I am. i always discuss what they enjoy and makes them really horny before any play. what are their limits etc then let the fun begin. but with men in the past, they force me to do things i dont really enjoy. they never ask me if it feels good etc. just literally bullies in bed

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

and when you're young and naive, you just go with it as you don't know any better. at least these "doms" taught me how to be a better lover but this time I'm in charge

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By *arksxMan
over a year ago

Leicester / London


"I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch?

Bossy and agreesive controlling types are not Doms. They are bully's and idiots a good Dom has empathy respect and gains trust op you just need to chose carefully a switch may be what you need as their understanding and respect will be from both perspectives but a good genuine Dom will respect your wishes and keep it to the bedroom at levels that you are happy and contempt with only pushing boundaries with your prior agreement and understanding once trust is gained x

yes that's the domme I am. i always discuss what they enjoy and makes them really horny before any play. what are their limits etc then let the fun begin. but with men in the past, they force me to do things i dont really enjoy. they never ask me if it feels good etc. just literally bullies in bed "

If you are a good dom in bed and knows what that feels like...

Why expect anything less just because it's a man?

If they are shit bullies. Tell them you have experience in being a dom and they are not meeting your standards.

You'll find most bullies don't like it when you use their tactics back on them.

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By *omvampmMan
over a year ago

gillingham


"I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch?

Bossy and agreesive controlling types are not Doms. They are bully's and idiots a good Dom has empathy respect and gains trust op you just need to chose carefully a switch may be what you need as their understanding and respect will be from both perspectives but a good genuine Dom will respect your wishes and keep it to the bedroom at levels that you are happy and contempt with only pushing boundaries with your prior agreement and understanding once trust is gained x

yes that's the domme I am. i always discuss what they enjoy and makes them really horny before any play. what are their limits etc then let the fun begin. but with men in the past, they force me to do things i dont really enjoy. they never ask me if it feels good etc. just literally bullies in bed "

No one likes a bully or should put up with them beautiful x stand your ground and only take things further with someone your comfortable with and trust then you can enjoy the experience without that concern at the back of your mind if they don't treat you like you would treat your subs with empathy and trust then there not a Dom. Take your time and your find the guy your looking for beautiful x

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington


"Some are genuine doms

Some are sadists, watch out for them

Some are dreamers; never touched a pair of tits

All comes with trust and let the adventures begin x"
I (Mr Icebreaker) am sadistic - I get sexual pleasure form inflicting pain. I also absolutely believe in consent, and have no interest in, and take no pleasure from, hurting anyone who is not aroused by that. I don't know why anyone would have to watch out for me.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton


"Some are genuine doms

Some are sadists, watch out for them

Some are dreamers; never touched a pair of tits

All comes with trust and let the adventures begin xI (Mr Icebreaker) am sadistic - I get sexual pleasure form inflicting pain. I also absolutely believe in consent, and have no interest in, and take no pleasure from, hurting anyone who is not aroused by that. I don't know why anyone would have to watch out for me."

I get really tired on this site. There are many people on this site (and off this site) who recite the same mantras without thinking them through.

Too many doms saying their kind of domination is the only true or genuine domination. Also subs saying the kind of dominant they want is the only kind of dominant.

There are too many competing ideologies trying to impose a definition of "true domination or true submission". There are ideologies that say domination by men of women is abuse dressed up; (and don't get me into the race arguments in regard to domination).

These days there is very little "your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to do it, even if I hate it" Obviously with consent and without abuse.

Which is a long way of saying, very few people on here bother to understand the difference between a sadist and psychopath/sociopath. Even fewer a sadist and a narcissistic sadist. I have met both and I would not trust the latter an inch with a sub. I know a number of sadists that I would recommend to the right person.

p.s sadism is no longer a paraphilia if it does not involve lasting har m.

Sorry to hijack but just tired.

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"Some are genuine doms

Some are sadists, watch out for them

Some are dreamers; never touched a pair of tits

All comes with trust and let the adventures begin xI (Mr Icebreaker) am sadistic - I get sexual pleasure form inflicting pain. I also absolutely believe in consent, and have no interest in, and take no pleasure from, hurting anyone who is not aroused by that. I don't know why anyone would have to watch out for me.

I get really tired on this site. There are many people on this site (and off this site) who recite the same mantras without thinking them through.

Too many doms saying their kind of domination is the only true or genuine domination. Also subs saying the kind of dominant they want is the only kind of dominant.

There are too many competing ideologies trying to impose a definition of "true domination or true submission". There are ideologies that say domination by men of women is abuse dressed up; (and don't get me into the race arguments in regard to domination).

These days there is very little "your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to do it, even if I hate it" Obviously with consent and without abuse.

Which is a long way of saying, very few people on here bother to understand the difference between a sadist and psychopath/sociopath. Even fewer a sadist and a narcissistic sadist. I have met both and I would not trust the latter an inch with a sub. I know a number of sadists that I would recommend to the right person.

p.s sadism is no longer a paraphilia if it does not involve lasting har m.

Sorry to hijack but just tired.

"

no voice it, i dont mind

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton


"Some are genuine doms

Some are sadists, watch out for them

Some are dreamers; never touched a pair of tits

All comes with trust and let the adventures begin xI (Mr Icebreaker) am sadistic - I get sexual pleasure form inflicting pain. I also absolutely believe in consent, and have no interest in, and take no pleasure from, hurting anyone who is not aroused by that. I don't know why anyone would have to watch out for me.

I get really tired on this site. There are many people on this site (and off this site) who recite the same mantras without thinking them through.

Too many doms saying their kind of domination is the only true or genuine domination. Also subs saying the kind of dominant they want is the only kind of dominant.

There are too many competing ideologies trying to impose a definition of "true domination or true submission". There are ideologies that say domination by men of women is abuse dressed up; (and don't get me into the race arguments in regard to domination).

These days there is very little "your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to do it, even if I hate it" Obviously with consent and without abuse.

Which is a long way of saying, very few people on here bother to understand the difference between a sadist and psychopath/sociopath. Even fewer a sadist and a narcissistic sadist. I have met both and I would not trust the latter an inch with a sub. I know a number of sadists that I would recommend to the right person.

p.s sadism is no longer a paraphilia if it does not involve lasting har m.

Sorry to hijack but just tired.

no voice it, i dont mind "

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch?

Bossy and agreesive controlling types are not Doms. They are bully's and idiots a good Dom has empathy respect and gains trust op you just need to chose carefully a switch may be what you need as their understanding and respect will be from both perspectives but a good genuine Dom will respect your wishes and keep it to the bedroom at levels that you are happy and contempt with only pushing boundaries with your prior agreement and understanding once trust is gained x

yes that's the domme I am. i always discuss what they enjoy and makes them really horny before any play. what are their limits etc then let the fun begin. but with men in the past, they force me to do things i dont really enjoy. they never ask me if it feels good etc. just literally bullies in bed

No one likes a bully or should put up with them beautiful x stand your ground and only take things further with someone your comfortable with and trust then you can enjoy the experience without that concern at the back of your mind if they don't treat you like you would treat your subs with empathy and trust then there not a Dom. Take your time and your find the guy your looking for beautiful x"

Thanks... cross fingers he come soon

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By *omvampmMan
over a year ago

gillingham


"I only dated afew in my time and never quite enjoyed them. But like with all things, there's different degrees of Domming. Am I asking too much if I want a dom to do exactly how I want in bed and not bossy outside the bedroom?

The reason I'm curious about finding a Dom is I like the kinky assertiveness and strength of a guy in bed but not the bossy controlling type. Shall I just stick to submissive men or find a switch?

Bossy and agreesive controlling types are not Doms. They are bully's and idiots a good Dom has empathy respect and gains trust op you just need to chose carefully a switch may be what you need as their understanding and respect will be from both perspectives but a good genuine Dom will respect your wishes and keep it to the bedroom at levels that you are happy and contempt with only pushing boundaries with your prior agreement and understanding once trust is gained x

yes that's the domme I am. i always discuss what they enjoy and makes them really horny before any play. what are their limits etc then let the fun begin. but with men in the past, they force me to do things i dont really enjoy. they never ask me if it feels good etc. just literally bullies in bed

No one likes a bully or should put up with them beautiful x stand your ground and only take things further with someone your comfortable with and trust then you can enjoy the experience without that concern at the back of your mind if they don't treat you like you would treat your subs with empathy and trust then there not a Dom. Take your time and your find the guy your looking for beautiful x

Thanks... cross fingers he come soon "
hope so to x although kents not to far away I guess xx have fun and stay safe beautiful x

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

mutual attraction is majorly important unless we met in a club. I'm super fussy who i meet online because of bad experiences from the past.

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By *omvampmMan
over a year ago

gillingham

I agree op mutual attraction is essential and clubs are the best places and safer environment to meet just hope they can reopen safely for us all again soon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love to Dom but gently and confidently and with respect. Big difference in giving your partner a powerful experience within boundaries to being aggressively forceful. Having said that a massive turn on is when a woman tells you it “hurts nice”

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By *quaman87Man
over a year ago

douglas

I'm Dom and keep it in the bedroom! Seems you get the more controlling type that see a weakness and take advantage, there not men there boys that feel like men bullying women!!

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