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help/advice for my missus plz

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By *un-male-shygurl OP   Couple
over a year ago

doncaster

sorry for getting all serious but my missus was told she has urethral syndrome. its like cystitis but the infection is in the tract itself not the urine. as she has reached menopause her wee hole has become larger and she has always been tight down there and any insertion at all =drags the wee hole opening into the vagina!!! its mad it completely disappears. and so you can see how easy it is for bacteria to get inside it. any form of lube or her juices and even now my saliva that comes anywhere near her pussy gets into her urethra and we have days of pain and irritation.

i know she isnt the first to suffer with this but has anyone on here come up with a solution? her solution was to stop vaginal penetration and do anal and careful clit play. but even then she is paranoid about getting infected and it ruins it.

im thinking a plaster/cap/cover/bung/plug to seal up the opening then she could carry on regardless with zero chance of bacteria getting in there. ive looked online but only found sounds and plus for urethral play.

is there anything? she is on anti cancer meds and cant have any treatment with hormones/oestrogen.

anyone who comes up with a sloution can have first go on her lol.

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By *un-male-shygurl OP   Couple
over a year ago

doncaster

plugs not plus.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The poor thing. What do medical professionals say? Inserting anything will just introduce more bacteria.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

You could try latex dams for oral sex? Femidoms (female condom worn internally) cover some of the external area as well as providing internal protection, maybe another possibility?

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By *un-male-shygurl OP   Couple
over a year ago

doncaster


"The poor thing. What do medical professionals say? Inserting anything will just introduce more bacteria. "

she's been to doctors who referred her to a uroligist and he said an enlarged urethra or wee hole is normal in menopause. and so its so much easier to get infections. no solution just take trimethiprim (spelling) and pain killers to treat stymptoms. add to that last few years her vagina has shrunk and tilted and the anti oestrogen medication she is on has turned her into a desert down there and the vaginal walls are thinning and sore. we try to use dilators to keep her at normal size but its too painful.

every cream or lube we've tried gives her irritation.

never seen those dams. but condoms and silicon toys have always caused her irritation.

i can imagine a covering for the urethra only would be nigh on impossible. but it would be the solution. a shame there isnt any creams or gels that could temporary seal it to prevent an inroad of bacteria.

its put her totally off sex.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"You could try latex dams for oral sex? Femidoms (female condom worn internally) cover some of the external area as well as providing internal protection, maybe another possibility?

"

Very good suggestion

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"The poor thing. What do medical professionals say? Inserting anything will just introduce more bacteria.

she's been to doctors who referred her to a uroligist and he said an enlarged urethra or wee hole is normal in menopause. and so its so much easier to get infections. no solution just take trimethiprim (spelling) and pain killers to treat stymptoms. add to that last few years her vagina has shrunk and tilted and the anti oestrogen medication she is on has turned her into a desert down there and the vaginal walls are thinning and sore. we try to use dilators to keep her at normal size but its too painful.

every cream or lube we've tried gives her irritation.

never seen those dams. but condoms and silicon toys have always caused her irritation.

i can imagine a covering for the urethra only would be nigh on impossible. but it would be the solution. a shame there isnt any creams or gels that could temporary seal it to prevent an inroad of bacteria.

its put her totally off sex."

Yes, I can imagine it would. What creams have you tried? It sounds to me like she needs a sympathetic medical person. So many write post menopause women off because they assume they'll be happy to end their sex life. She's got the double whammy of having to take medication that reduces her estrogen too. Could you afford to see someone privately?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The poor thing. What do medical professionals say? Inserting anything will just introduce more bacteria.

she's been to doctors who referred her to a uroligist and he said an enlarged urethra or wee hole is normal in menopause. and so its so much easier to get infections. no solution just take trimethiprim (spelling) and pain killers to treat stymptoms. add to that last few years her vagina has shrunk and tilted and the anti oestrogen medication she is on has turned her into a desert down there and the vaginal walls are thinning and sore. we try to use dilators to keep her at normal size but its too painful.

every cream or lube we've tried gives her irritation.

never seen those dams. but condoms and silicon toys have always caused her irritation.

i can imagine a covering for the urethra only would be nigh on impossible. but it would be the solution. a shame there isnt any creams or gels that could temporary seal it to prevent an inroad of bacteria.

its put her totally off sex."

Have you tried latex free condoms? x

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By *un-male-shygurl OP   Couple
over a year ago

doncaster

weve tried so many creams/lubes ive forgotten. if you look at the comments on amazon there isnt one that is 100% effective without pain. vagisan is what we have at the minute but if it comes into contact anywhere near her pee hole then she gets uncomfortable and not always infected.

we could afford private but it would be the same guy she just saw. plus my wife wouldnt go. she is a nurse and simply believes thats it. no cure or treatment. end of story. she has no hormones and has zero sex drive and this thing actually gives her a negative sex drive.

we have dismissed latex free condoms because some form of lube would be required and we havent found a lube that works without irritating her.

its a catch 22 situation.

her vaginal atrophy/dryness demands lubrication for any form of sex.

every lube we have tried gives her problems both irritating her vagina and her pee hole.

we even had her tested for clamydia and the other main sti's

we do have sex by doing other stuff but it would be nice to find a solution

i think most women who are cancer survivors and in their menopause just accept this condition silently maybe counting themselves lucky to be alive?

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By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish

What does your partner want? You say she has zero sex drive so is she interested in finding a solution? If that is the case she will need to go down the professional route rather than getting advice from here (tho as a nurse I am sure she knows this). If she is not interested and has resigned herself to the situation you need to support her decision.

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By *un-male-shygurl OP   Couple
over a year ago

doncaster

support her decision?

fuck that

pardon the pun

if i supported her decision and didnt approach her ever again for intimacy she would be happy to stay celibate and then we wouldnt stay together.

its always been my role to be the intigator of any sex between us. its just how we are. stuck in the victorian era? maybe

i dont really want lecturing on the ethics

ive just told her i was told to support her decision and she said well you shouldnt go posting on stupid sites then. she then said she hasnt resigned herself to the situation but THERES NOTHING WE CAN DO.

lol.

we just want to hear from other women/couples who have had this common problem and found a solution.

i will pop back on here in half an hour cos shes having a bath and she is easier to overpower underwater ....

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By *un-male-shygurl OP   Couple
over a year ago

doncaster

well were still stumped. im gonna try a new thread "calling all menopausal women" because the specialist says a dilated urethra opening goes hand in hand with the menopause and vaginal atrophy and this thread may have escaped the attention of my target poster. ill just do another search to see if anyone has posted similar along these lines

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"support her decision?

fuck that

pardon the pun

if i supported her decision and didnt approach her ever again for intimacy she would be happy to stay celibate and then we wouldnt stay together."

So you won't support her decision and if she was happier just accepting things and staying away from sex then you'd consider your relationship over.

It seems like you've got problems no amount of creams will solve.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"well were still stumped. im gonna try a new thread "calling all menopausal women" because the specialist says a dilated urethra opening goes hand in hand with the menopause and vaginal atrophy and this thread may have escaped the attention of my target poster. ill just do another search to see if anyone has posted similar along these lines"

In truth the only remedy I know for vaginal atrophy that has any lasting effect is estrogen.

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

.


"The poor thing. What do medical professionals say? Inserting anything will just introduce more bacteria.

she's been to doctors who referred her to a uroligist and he said an enlarged urethra or wee hole is normal in menopause. and so its so much easier to get infections. no solution just take trimethiprim (spelling) and pain killers to treat stymptoms. add to that last few years her vagina has shrunk and tilted and the anti oestrogen medication she is on has turned her into a desert down there and the vaginal walls are thinning and sore. we try to use dilators to keep her at normal size but its too painful.

every cream or lube we've tried gives her irritation.

never seen those dams. but condoms and silicon toys have always caused her irritation.

i can imagine a covering for the urethra only would be nigh on impossible. but it would be the solution. a shame there isnt any creams or gels that could temporary seal it to prevent an inroad of bacteria.

its put her totally off sex."

i know in some similar cases a lower dosage of trimethroprim can be prescribed to take on a regular basis to try and prevent symptoms starting rather than treat them, not sure if that would be possible in this instance though.

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By *un-male-shygurl OP   Couple
over a year ago

doncaster

been ill for a while and not up to replying.

trimethoprim is what she carries with her for emergencies on hol away weekends etc.

ill put it to her about a maintenance dose.

cheers

btw ive just had a urine infection with temps over 38.5 for nearly a week. at one point i was considering going to hospital. now i know what she goes through.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Isn't the obvious answer anal?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if she has zero sex drive why do you want to persist in having sex with her ?

Can't be pleasant for either of you if that's the case, regardless of her urethral problems.

Just talk to her, explain your needs and see if she will allow you to look for sex outside your relationship.

If she refuses then you have the unenviable choice of doing it secretly behind her back or breaking up.

You will not be the first person in that predicament.

Best of luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"support her decision?

fuck that

pardon the pun

if i supported her decision and didnt approach her ever again for intimacy she would be happy to stay celibate and then we wouldnt stay together.

its always been my role to be the intigator of any sex between us. its just how we are. stuck in the victorian era? maybe

i dont really want lecturing on the ethics

ive just told her i was told to support her decision and she said well you shouldnt go posting on stupid sites then. she then said she hasnt resigned herself to the situation but THERES NOTHING WE CAN DO.

lol.

we just want to hear from other women/couples who have had this common problem and found a solution.

i will pop back on here in half an hour cos shes having a bath and she is easier to overpower underwater ....

"

I probably won't be the only one to think this but from your tone I get the impression after reading you wouldn't stay together if she can't find a way forward with HER problem affecting the both of you. It leads me to wonder how she is, not with trying to please you sexually whilst you trot out her problems on here, but how her treatment for Cancer has gone. Are you as supportive with that aspect of her needs I wonder. Somr of your terminology suggests you don't even view her as a Human Being. She has my sympathy on all levels.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi..I get cystitis like this too every time afta 1 particular partner..am told by Clinic that it's common in menopause or post menopausal like me. Was told doggie style places the penis head the closest to the urethra to transmit natural bacteria ..hard to leave out when it's a gr8 position lol. Also to use condom as barrier of infection. Also to insert vaginal oestrogen beforehand to plump vaginal tissues but I see yr wife cannot tolerate this. soooo annoying I know...xx hope this helps u both x

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By *aughtycp1Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

I've suffered similar problems with over sensitive nerve endings inside my pussy since my 30's. I discovered the wonderful sensations of anal sex and absolutely love it. For me the joys of anal have totally replaced vaginal sex and I now call myself an ANAL ONLY girl. The pressure of knowing Vaginal sex is NOT on the cards and they are only going to fuck my bum means you can relax. Obviously this isn't to every guys taste. Hubby loves it and Ive also found it to be popular with a lot of guys who have approached us with intentions of a meet.

Mrs N

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By *ebwizMan
over a year ago

Clevedon


"support her decision?

fuck that

pardon the pun

if i supported her decision and didnt approach her ever again for intimacy she would be happy to stay celibate and then we wouldnt stay together.

its always been my role to be the intigator of any sex between us. its just how we are. stuck in the victorian era? maybe

i dont really want lecturing on the ethics

ive just told her i was told to support her decision and she said well you shouldnt go posting on stupid sites then. she then said she hasnt resigned herself to the situation but THERES NOTHING WE CAN DO.

lol.

we just want to hear from other women/couples who have had this common problem and found a solution.

i will pop back on here in half an hour cos shes having a bath and she is easier to overpower underwater ....

I probably won't be the only one to think this but from your tone I get the impression after reading you wouldn't stay together if she can't find a way forward with HER problem affecting the both of you. It leads me to wonder how she is, not with trying to please you sexually whilst you trot out her problems on here, but how her treatment for Cancer has gone. Are you as supportive with that aspect of her needs I wonder. Somr of your terminology suggests you don't even view her as a Human Being. She has my sympathy on all levels. "
upon reading this sympathy for the guy diminished, sounds like other issues present.when my wife is not feeling it, we don't, sometimes she will give me a hand job, if not we cuddle up.i support her whatever. From what you say, it's quite understandable why she doesn't feel like making love.

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