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Giving up using FAB

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

Hey, this is the main reason for joining fab plus tick off my sexual bucket list. But one response from a male fabber made me think that most male fabbers don't share the same ideals as me.

I need to have that connection and gain trust and respect with someone before having any form of sexual contact. Most men message me indicating they want a quick screw with who ever willing to give it to them... Is that really what FAB all about? Am I better just to give up trying on FAB?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey, this is the main reason for joining fab plus tick off my sexual bucket list. But one response from a male fabber made me think that most male fabbers don't share the same ideals as me.

I need to have that connection and gain trust and respect with someone before having any form of sexual contact. Most men message me indicating they want a quick screw with who ever willing to give it to them... Is that really what FAB all about? Am I better just to give up trying on FAB? "

Most guys know how to build a connection with polite messages and accept if the lady chooses not to respond or decline. Block the idiots and chat to those that have manners.

“Manners maketh man”.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fab is a public knowledge now and a lot of new members join with expectations of free sex whenever they fancy. Having said so, any other site is not much different apart from a fewer free options and more expensive membership.I've also found that other swinging sites have a lot of the same members as on here.

It's hard to find what you're looking for. Not impossible though.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a couple we have our fair share of idiotic disrespectful single males, so you must get 10x worse... But as a woman on here, you can pick and choose who you want!

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally as a single male on here I see it as a positive. There’s a lot of posts about “crap” messages from single men so if you take the time to write a half decent profile and a message that relates to something in their profile then I must stand a better chance of a reply.

The problem is single woman always say they get loads of messages so some people play a numbers game and send a quick message saying what they want rather than writing a longer relevant one as I would say most of them are just deleted anyway

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

[Removed by poster at 09/05/20 22:07:04]

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

Unfortunately because i losing the will to live with messages, i delete 95% of messages as they usually start off with the same old line, no main pic, nothing much on thier profile, just time wasting exercise to open a message tbh

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I had a message tonight, guy said what are you in to ? Just like your profile, mine has several scenarios I’d like to indulge in.

But I have also had meets and people who have seen me on here in clubs and come over for a chat.

Don’t give up just yet, the best things often arrive by surprise rather than planned.

Good luck Op

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside


"Hey, this is the main reason for joining fab plus tick off my sexual bucket list. But one response from a male fabber made me think that most male fabbers don't share the same ideals as me.

I need to have that connection and gain trust and respect with someone before having any form of sexual contact. Most men message me indicating they want a quick screw with who ever willing to give it to them... Is that really what FAB all about? Am I better just to give up trying on FAB? "

I don't think so. If you state on your profile what you are looking for you will find somebody looking for the same. It may take a bit longer though. Anybody looking for a one off or quick fuck delete their message.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We’re a couple and getting the same rubbish, I think your right that fab has become more popular since lockdown and people are not understanding what it’s actually for. My advice to you (when you can of course) is try a social night at the club, connection happens a lot quicker in person and we have found we connect on here and then feel let down in person. Face to face is better, being a single woman many nights at clubs are free anyway so you wouldn’t lose anything and people will socialise with you for sure so you never know what connections you’ll find, from there you can go back to fab and build on that already formed connection until you are ready to remeet, they will have connected with you and probably more willing to invest in a relationship (fab encounter or whatever). And like someone said, those that put more effort into their messages and profiles are the ones you should pay attention too sadly the rest just aren’t making enough effort. I would atleast wait till lock downs over to give up entirely but maybe a break and see if you feel.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

..hmm...ask yourself if this is likely to be a place predominantly for people looking for a long term connection. I'm sure there ARE, but mostly , if they are honest , it's not. Unfortunately you are going to get liars and deceivers wherever you go and they can seem incredibly genuine at first too. It's what saddens me most of all. For many this is just a game, harmless fun, an ego boost, easy cheating, a narcissists playground.

I think you are just going to have to take the risk, if you keep getting let down, I mean, if you got let down in the past then review your awareness of red flags in people. There's usually a pattern to follow, beware of diving in too deep based purely on the 'flush' of meeting someone new. Especially beware of being won over by good sex in deference to clear,worrisome personality traits.

There are plenty of people who would want to swing or DO swing that don't use websites much.

Above all, go for the PERSON and their dependability because that's going to be vital in swinging anyway.

Swingings great but view it like an actual swing...its great fun but if your other half is just along for the ride and you're pushing the swing...they won't care when you take your eye from them and they whack you straight in the face.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

[Removed by poster at 10/05/20 06:32:06]

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"We’re a couple and getting the same rubbish, I think your right that fab has become more popular since lockdown and people are not understanding what it’s actually for. My advice to you (when you can of course) is try a social night at the club, connection happens a lot quicker in person and we have found we connect on here and then feel let down in person. Face to face is better, being a single woman many nights at clubs are free anyway so you wouldn’t lose anything and people will socialise with you for sure so you never know what connections you’ll find, from there you can go back to fab and build on that already formed connection until you are ready to remeet, they will have connected with you and probably more willing to invest in a relationship (fab encounter or whatever). And like someone said, those that put more effort into their messages and profiles are the ones you should pay attention too sadly the rest just aren’t making enough effort. I would atleast wait till lock downs over to give up entirely but maybe a break and see if you feel. "

Thanks for your advice... Unfortunately with Covid-19 I highly doubt I will go. I'm mega fussy and concerned clubs and events be full of sleazy men as in real life, I always get the craziest men chat me up. The ultimate hurdle is finding the free time and confidence to go to clubs. I was planning to visit Bristol Gardens with friends in August but with Covid-19, I doubt it's possible. But 10 months of endless pointless messages grinds anyone down... I get on average 50-100 messages a day... Only 1% are nice thoughtful messages. Then I find out they're secretly married or got girlfriend. Or they play around too much and mess me about with actually meeting up.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"..hmm...ask yourself if this is likely to be a place predominantly for people looking for a long term connection. I'm sure there ARE, but mostly , if they are honest , it's not. Unfortunately you are going to get liars and deceivers wherever you go and they can seem incredibly genuine at first too. It's what saddens me most of all. For many this is just a game, harmless fun, an ego boost, easy cheating, a narcissists playground.

I think you are just going to have to take the risk, if you keep getting let down, I mean, if you got let down in the past then review your awareness of red flags in people. There's usually a pattern to follow, beware of diving in too deep based purely on the 'flush' of meeting someone new. Especially beware of being won over by good sex in deference to clear,worrisome personality traits.

There are plenty of people who would want to swing or DO swing that don't use websites much.

Above all, go for the PERSON and their dependability because that's going to be vital in swinging anyway.

Swingings great but view it like an actual swing...its great fun but if your other half is just along for the ride and you're pushing the swing...they won't care when you take your eye from them and they whack you straight in the face.

"

Thank you... What are the obvious red flags?

What are the signs they going to be a great play mate?

Generic messages generally just get deleted.

One guy was good at playing the game and I got interested ..only to later found out on webcam chat, he had a serious girlfriend who didn't know..for me total turn off being with someone who can be so deceitful

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

Have you tried going to organised socials. They are a great way of meeting people in a fun no pressure environment, getting to know them and seeing if you click.

I have a couples profile with a lady and we organise a big social in Birmingham. Last was due on 21 March but we had to cancel.

They are a good night out,smart venue, with a great guest list. The fakes and nutters dont tend to come to socials it seems...

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ungMarried2020Man
over a year ago

Halifax


"Fab is a public knowledge now and a lot of new members join with expectations of free sex whenever they fancy. Having said so, any other site is not much different apart from a fewer free options and more expensive membership.I've also found that other swinging sites have a lot of the same members as on here.

It's hard to find what you're looking for. Not impossible though."

I agree. This site is definitely the best for usability. So many others force paid sign up just to exchange messages. Where as the limitations on the fab free account are fair.

I do think a lot join up hoping they can meet straightaway - which is unrealistic. You have to build a relationship to get the best meets.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ungMarried2020Man
over a year ago

Halifax


"Unfortunately because i losing the will to live with messages, i delete 95% of messages as they usually start off with the same old line, no main pic, nothing much on thier profile, just time wasting exercise to open a message tbh

"

Maybe bury a code word in your profile asking them to put it in the subject. Might help cut the wheat from the chaff?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Stay on, there are some lovely guys on here

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey, this is the main reason for joining fab plus tick off my sexual bucket list. But one response from a male fabber made me think that most male fabbers don't share the same ideals as me.

I need to have that connection and gain trust and respect with someone before having any form of sexual contact. Most men message me indicating they want a quick screw with who ever willing to give it to them... Is that really what FAB all about? Am I better just to give up trying on FAB? "
all sections of society exist here, some expect more than they deserve but many are polite always, only ever do what you feel comfortable with and never blink when blocking those that are discourteous

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Unfortunately because i losing the will to live with messages, i delete 95% of messages as they usually start off with the same old line, no main pic, nothing much on thier profile, just time wasting exercise to open a message tbh

Maybe bury a code word in your profile asking them to put it in the subject. Might help cut the wheat from the chaff? "

I did that. Sooo many messages I get now with that word in the title. Easy to bin them right away.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Use message filters to block single men, newbies, those with no profile picture and those out of your age range OP. Do your own searching and you'll have a much better experience. Good luck. xx

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"“Manners maketh man”. "

What he said essentially, there are decent guys on here who genuinely want to establish a connection and not jump on the first think that moves (I like to think I'm one of them)

And its the idiots out there who make it more difficult for the decent ones as, understandably, it's harder to sort the wheat from the chaff.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"Unfortunately because i losing the will to live with messages, i delete 95% of messages as they usually start off with the same old line, no main pic, nothing much on thier profile, just time wasting exercise to open a message tbh

Maybe bury a code word in your profile asking them to put it in the subject. Might help cut the wheat from the chaff?

I did that. Sooo many messages I get now with that word in the title. Easy to bin them right away."

Interesting... I try that and let you guys know if it works

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Unfortunately because i losing the will to live with messages, i delete 95% of messages as they usually start off with the same old line, no main pic, nothing much on thier profile, just time wasting exercise to open a message tbh

Maybe bury a code word in your profile asking them to put it in the subject. Might help cut the wheat from the chaff?

I did that. Sooo many messages I get now with that word in the title. Easy to bin them right away.

Interesting... I try that and let you guys know if it works

"

Just be aware that a lot just skip through the profile without reading looking for the secret word. As soon as they see it they think they've got the ticket for a shag.

Just to prove it, I have 13 unread messages at the moment. 7 of them have the secret word in the title. They haven't read in what situation to put the secret word, so will be going on my block list to save wasting time in the future.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"Unfortunately because i losing the will to live with messages, i delete 95% of messages as they usually start off with the same old line, no main pic, nothing much on thier profile, just time wasting exercise to open a message tbh

Maybe bury a code word in your profile asking them to put it in the subject. Might help cut the wheat from the chaff?

I did that. Sooo many messages I get now with that word in the title. Easy to bin them right away.

Interesting... I try that and let you guys know if it works

Just be aware that a lot just skip through the profile without reading looking for the secret word. As soon as they see it they think they've got the ticket for a shag.

Just to prove it, I have 13 unread messages at the moment. 7 of them have the secret word in the title. They haven't read in what situation to put the secret word, so will be going on my block list to save wasting time in the future."

Ok so not bother with code word? Hummmm

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *abonWoman
over a year ago

L’boro/Ashby & Cheltenham


"We’re a couple and getting the same rubbish, I think your right that fab has become more popular since lockdown and people are not understanding what it’s actually for. My advice to you (when you can of course) is try a social night at the club, connection happens a lot quicker in person and we have found we connect on here and then feel let down in person. Face to face is better, being a single woman many nights at clubs are free anyway so you wouldn’t lose anything and people will socialise with you for sure so you never know what connections you’ll find, from there you can go back to fab and build on that already formed connection until you are ready to remeet, they will have connected with you and probably more willing to invest in a relationship (fab encounter or whatever). And like someone said, those that put more effort into their messages and profiles are the ones you should pay attention too sadly the rest just aren’t making enough effort. I would atleast wait till lock downs over to give up entirely but maybe a break and see if you feel.

Thanks for your advice... Unfortunately with Covid-19 I highly doubt I will go. I'm mega fussy and concerned clubs and events be full of sleazy men as in real life, I always get the craziest men chat me up. The ultimate hurdle is finding the free time and confidence to go to clubs. I was planning to visit Bristol Gardens with friends in August but with Covid-19, I doubt it's possible. But 10 months of endless pointless messages grinds anyone down... I get on average 50-100 messages a day... Only 1% are nice thoughtful messages. Then I find out they're secretly married or got girlfriend. Or they play around too much and mess me about with actually meeting up. "

Oh my goodness...exactly this. I go through times when this site is fun and other times when it’s grim. When I feel the grimness strike, I go offline for a bit. I only open my message filters when I am in the mood to handle the onslaught otherwise it’s a hideous chore. If it makes you feel bad, step back for a bit maybe. Even 48 hours makes a difference. And fuck FOMO...I have made a few lovely connections amongst it all, despite barely opening my messages...if it’s meant to be, it will happen (here or elsewhere).

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We often do the same


"Unfortunately because i losing the will to live with messages, i delete 95% of messages as they usually start off with the same old line, no main pic, nothing much on thier profile, just time wasting exercise to open a message tbh

"

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Amen to this.


"Hey, this is the main reason for joining fab plus tick off my sexual bucket list. But one response from a male fabber made me think that most male fabbers don't share the same ideals as me.

I need to have that connection and gain trust and respect with someone before having any form of sexual contact. Most men message me indicating they want a quick screw with who ever willing to give it to them... Is that really what FAB all about? Am I better just to give up trying on FAB?

Most guys know how to build a connection with polite messages and accept if the lady chooses not to respond or decline. Block the idiots and chat to those that have manners.

“Manners maketh man”. "

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't give up, not everybody on here is a w**ker - just block the idiots.

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By *lan157Man
over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

It's got to the point where its really not worth using the fab message service. Much better to go to socials and meet people face to face and develop a net work of friends and party invites that way.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

May I ask what alternative free swingers sites would compare to this one? And just quickly to point out that yes there are many sharks on fab.. men and woman.. that said thete are some very genuine respectful people on here too.. just have to take a few chances kiss the odd frog to find the prince/ess x

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Unfortunately because i losing the will to live with messages, i delete 95% of messages as they usually start off with the same old line, no main pic, nothing much on thier profile, just time wasting exercise to open a message tbh

Maybe bury a code word in your profile asking them to put it in the subject. Might help cut the wheat from the chaff?

I did that. Sooo many messages I get now with that word in the title. Easy to bin them right away.

Interesting... I try that and let you guys know if it works

Just be aware that a lot just skip through the profile without reading looking for the secret word. As soon as they see it they think they've got the ticket for a shag.

Just to prove it, I have 13 unread messages at the moment. 7 of them have the secret word in the title. They haven't read in what situation to put the secret word, so will be going on my block list to save wasting time in the future.

Ok so not bother with code word? Hummmm "

Code word won't make anybody read your profile, but depending on how you use it can help filter out those who don't read.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"May I ask what alternative free swingers sites would compare to this one? And just quickly to point out that yes there are many sharks on fab.. men and woman.. that said thete are some very genuine respectful people on here too.. just have to take a few chances kiss the odd frog to find the prince/ess x"

Not allowed to mention the names of competition sites.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can’t judge this site at the moment.. things are not as normal.. most swingers are not on here and won’t be till this is over ..lots Of bored people after a quick fix right now.. don’t give up just yet . X

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

My concern is how do women get 50-100 messages a day? I’m lucky to get 2?

!!!!!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think the solution is twofold.

Unfortunately for a variety of reasons, there is a subset of people on here with little respect for other people. I'm not sure there's a way to entirely avoid these, although do use the defensive measures I'm sure you already do (deletion, blocking, reporting). There's a degree of hardening yourself and not taking it personally, which sucks and can be hard.

But the responsibility is twofold. We can do absolutely everything, and the problem still exists. People need to have some respect and remember they're talking to people. We need to find ways to discourage and penalise this behaviour, not just put all the burden on those receiving this appalling crap. It isn't our fault.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"I think the solution is twofold.

Unfortunately for a variety of reasons, there is a subset of people on here with little respect for other people. I'm not sure there's a way to entirely avoid these, although do use the defensive measures I'm sure you already do (deletion, blocking, reporting). There's a degree of hardening yourself and not taking it personally, which sucks and can be hard.

But the responsibility is twofold. We can do absolutely everything, and the problem still exists. People need to have some respect and remember they're talking to people. We need to find ways to discourage and penalise this behaviour, not just put all the burden on those receiving this appalling crap. It isn't our fault."

We've had this conversation before and I'm entirely with you about some of the crap women have to put up with on here, but I'm afraid it goes with the territory and it isn't going to change this side of utopia.

The sort of men who send shitty messages know full well its not socially acceptable and they don't care. As you said, all you can do it's harden yourself and block, report etc.

It's crap, but it's not going to change

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ampshirehotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

I have this problem myself. This site is full of fantasists, time wasters and keyboard warriors! It's very hard not to tar all single guys with the same brush (so to speak).

I like to message back and forth with guys. If they invest their

time in chatting, I know they are genuinely interested.

I have made some bad decisions with some people but I've learnt from them. Fabs is a huge learning curve.

I recommend you stay and don't give up just yet. There are some very genuine people on here but you just have to find them. Sometimes they just fall straight into your lap!

Good luck op. Keep at it!

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good guys on here are very few and far between 99% are dick heads who automatically think your a slag and want to disrespect you. It's the story of life...its ok for them but if you want the same it's wrong. BLOCK THEM

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think the solution is twofold.

Unfortunately for a variety of reasons, there is a subset of people on here with little respect for other people. I'm not sure there's a way to entirely avoid these, although do use the defensive measures I'm sure you already do (deletion, blocking, reporting). There's a degree of hardening yourself and not taking it personally, which sucks and can be hard.

But the responsibility is twofold. We can do absolutely everything, and the problem still exists. People need to have some respect and remember they're talking to people. We need to find ways to discourage and penalise this behaviour, not just put all the burden on those receiving this appalling crap. It isn't our fault.

We've had this conversation before and I'm entirely with you about some of the crap women have to put up with on here, but I'm afraid it goes with the territory and it isn't going to change this side of utopia.

The sort of men who send shitty messages know full well its not socially acceptable and they don't care. As you said, all you can do it's harden yourself and block, report etc.

It's crap, but it's not going to change "

I think we need to make it harder for people to get away with it. Work on societal attitudes. Obviously I protect myself as well. Maybe if not now, for women in future. It can seem futile.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ilkchocolate87Man
over a year ago

sw london

Most women don’t have the patience to come across genuine messages.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"I think the solution is twofold.

Unfortunately for a variety of reasons, there is a subset of people on here with little respect for other people. I'm not sure there's a way to entirely avoid these, although do use the defensive measures I'm sure you already do (deletion, blocking, reporting). There's a degree of hardening yourself and not taking it personally, which sucks and can be hard.

But the responsibility is twofold. We can do absolutely everything, and the problem still exists. People need to have some respect and remember they're talking to people. We need to find ways to discourage and penalise this behaviour, not just put all the burden on those receiving this appalling crap. It isn't our fault.

We've had this conversation before and I'm entirely with you about some of the crap women have to put up with on here, but I'm afraid it goes with the territory and it isn't going to change this side of utopia.

The sort of men who send shitty messages know full well its not socially acceptable and they don't care. As you said, all you can do it's harden yourself and block, report etc.

It's crap, but it's not going to change

I think we need to make it harder for people to get away with it. Work on societal attitudes. Obviously I protect myself as well. Maybe if not now, for women in future. It can seem futile."

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "get away with it". If a bloke sends an obnoxious message to a woman on here, the sanction is report and expulsion. Other than possibly tightening up that procedure (which still relies on female initiative) I can't see what else could be done.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think the solution is twofold.

Unfortunately for a variety of reasons, there is a subset of people on here with little respect for other people. I'm not sure there's a way to entirely avoid these, although do use the defensive measures I'm sure you already do (deletion, blocking, reporting). There's a degree of hardening yourself and not taking it personally, which sucks and can be hard.

But the responsibility is twofold. We can do absolutely everything, and the problem still exists. People need to have some respect and remember they're talking to people. We need to find ways to discourage and penalise this behaviour, not just put all the burden on those receiving this appalling crap. It isn't our fault.

We've had this conversation before and I'm entirely with you about some of the crap women have to put up with on here, but I'm afraid it goes with the territory and it isn't going to change this side of utopia.

The sort of men who send shitty messages know full well its not socially acceptable and they don't care. As you said, all you can do it's harden yourself and block, report etc.

It's crap, but it's not going to change

I think we need to make it harder for people to get away with it. Work on societal attitudes. Obviously I protect myself as well. Maybe if not now, for women in future. It can seem futile.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "get away with it". If a bloke sends an obnoxious message to a woman on here, the sanction is report and expulsion. Other than possibly tightening up that procedure (which still relies on female initiative) I can't see what else could be done. "

Report, and taken seriously (I don't know how seriously it's taken).

At a broader level, teach people that these views are unacceptable and won't be tolerated. Societal change. I think we're doing the work, but it's ongoing

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"I think the solution is twofold.

Unfortunately for a variety of reasons, there is a subset of people on here with little respect for other people. I'm not sure there's a way to entirely avoid these, although do use the defensive measures I'm sure you already do (deletion, blocking, reporting). There's a degree of hardening yourself and not taking it personally, which sucks and can be hard.

But the responsibility is twofold. We can do absolutely everything, and the problem still exists. People need to have some respect and remember they're talking to people. We need to find ways to discourage and penalise this behaviour, not just put all the burden on those receiving this appalling crap. It isn't our fault.

We've had this conversation before and I'm entirely with you about some of the crap women have to put up with on here, but I'm afraid it goes with the territory and it isn't going to change this side of utopia.

The sort of men who send shitty messages know full well its not socially acceptable and they don't care. As you said, all you can do it's harden yourself and block, report etc.

It's crap, but it's not going to change

I think we need to make it harder for people to get away with it. Work on societal attitudes. Obviously I protect myself as well. Maybe if not now, for women in future. It can seem futile.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "get away with it". If a bloke sends an obnoxious message to a woman on here, the sanction is report and expulsion. Other than possibly tightening up that procedure (which still relies on female initiative) I can't see what else could be done.

Report, and taken seriously (I don't know how seriously it's taken).

At a broader level, teach people that these views are unacceptable and won't be tolerated. Societal change. I think we're doing the work, but it's ongoing"

I don't disagree with that, but arses will always be arses. Look at racism. Its now completely socially unacceptable to be explicitly racist, but racism still exists and flourishes in murky bits of the Internet.

I think we're getting there in terms of sexual harassment of women. Sexually harass a woman at work these days and you'll get sacked, which is very different from when I started working thirty years ago. However, there's still going to be blokes who get off on doing stuff like that and when they can do it anonymously and without any punishment other than being thrown off a site, they're going to do it.

Basically on a site like this where women are effectively saying "I'm willing to have casual sex", a certain type of bloke is going to take that as a licence to act in a way they wouldn't dream of acting in real life. Doesn't make it right and doesn't mean anyone's to blame except the blokes in question.

I suppose my point is that this shit is going to happen as long as both you and I are alive and it's basically a question of dealing with it. Pessimistic I know, but I'm old now

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think the solution is twofold.

Unfortunately for a variety of reasons, there is a subset of people on here with little respect for other people. I'm not sure there's a way to entirely avoid these, although do use the defensive measures I'm sure you already do (deletion, blocking, reporting). There's a degree of hardening yourself and not taking it personally, which sucks and can be hard.

But the responsibility is twofold. We can do absolutely everything, and the problem still exists. People need to have some respect and remember they're talking to people. We need to find ways to discourage and penalise this behaviour, not just put all the burden on those receiving this appalling crap. It isn't our fault.

We've had this conversation before and I'm entirely with you about some of the crap women have to put up with on here, but I'm afraid it goes with the territory and it isn't going to change this side of utopia.

The sort of men who send shitty messages know full well its not socially acceptable and they don't care. As you said, all you can do it's harden yourself and block, report etc.

It's crap, but it's not going to change

I think we need to make it harder for people to get away with it. Work on societal attitudes. Obviously I protect myself as well. Maybe if not now, for women in future. It can seem futile.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "get away with it". If a bloke sends an obnoxious message to a woman on here, the sanction is report and expulsion. Other than possibly tightening up that procedure (which still relies on female initiative) I can't see what else could be done.

Report, and taken seriously (I don't know how seriously it's taken).

At a broader level, teach people that these views are unacceptable and won't be tolerated. Societal change. I think we're doing the work, but it's ongoing

I don't disagree with that, but arses will always be arses. Look at racism. Its now completely socially unacceptable to be explicitly racist, but racism still exists and flourishes in murky bits of the Internet.

I think we're getting there in terms of sexual harassment of women. Sexually harass a woman at work these days and you'll get sacked, which is very different from when I started working thirty years ago. However, there's still going to be blokes who get off on doing stuff like that and when they can do it anonymously and without any punishment other than being thrown off a site, they're going to do it.

Basically on a site like this where women are effectively saying "I'm willing to have casual sex", a certain type of bloke is going to take that as a licence to act in a way they wouldn't dream of acting in real life. Doesn't make it right and doesn't mean anyone's to blame except the blokes in question.

I suppose my point is that this shit is going to happen as long as both you and I are alive and it's basically a question of dealing with it. Pessimistic I know, but I'm old now "

I don't disagree. But, if we can reduce 100 arseholes to 10, 10 to 2, then we're winning, right? (Meaningless numbers) And continue to say to women that it's not their fault and they're not alone.

I handle myself, I'm fine, but I want others to be too.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"I think the solution is twofold.

Unfortunately for a variety of reasons, there is a subset of people on here with little respect for other people. I'm not sure there's a way to entirely avoid these, although do use the defensive measures I'm sure you already do (deletion, blocking, reporting). There's a degree of hardening yourself and not taking it personally, which sucks and can be hard.

But the responsibility is twofold. We can do absolutely everything, and the problem still exists. People need to have some respect and remember they're talking to people. We need to find ways to discourage and penalise this behaviour, not just put all the burden on those receiving this appalling crap. It isn't our fault.

We've had this conversation before and I'm entirely with you about some of the crap women have to put up with on here, but I'm afraid it goes with the territory and it isn't going to change this side of utopia.

The sort of men who send shitty messages know full well its not socially acceptable and they don't care. As you said, all you can do it's harden yourself and block, report etc.

It's crap, but it's not going to change

I think we need to make it harder for people to get away with it. Work on societal attitudes. Obviously I protect myself as well. Maybe if not now, for women in future. It can seem futile.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "get away with it". If a bloke sends an obnoxious message to a woman on here, the sanction is report and expulsion. Other than possibly tightening up that procedure (which still relies on female initiative) I can't see what else could be done.

Report, and taken seriously (I don't know how seriously it's taken).

At a broader level, teach people that these views are unacceptable and won't be tolerated. Societal change. I think we're doing the work, but it's ongoing

I don't disagree with that, but arses will always be arses. Look at racism. Its now completely socially unacceptable to be explicitly racist, but racism still exists and flourishes in murky bits of the Internet.

I think we're getting there in terms of sexual harassment of women. Sexually harass a woman at work these days and you'll get sacked, which is very different from when I started working thirty years ago. However, there's still going to be blokes who get off on doing stuff like that and when they can do it anonymously and without any punishment other than being thrown off a site, they're going to do it.

Basically on a site like this where women are effectively saying "I'm willing to have casual sex", a certain type of bloke is going to take that as a licence to act in a way they wouldn't dream of acting in real life. Doesn't make it right and doesn't mean anyone's to blame except the blokes in question.

I suppose my point is that this shit is going to happen as long as both you and I are alive and it's basically a question of dealing with it. Pessimistic I know, but I'm old now

I don't disagree. But, if we can reduce 100 arseholes to 10, 10 to 2, then we're winning, right? (Meaningless numbers) And continue to say to women that it's not their fault and they're not alone.

I handle myself, I'm fine, but I want others to be too."

Indeed, I suppose the only point of disagreement might be the argument that advising women to take reasonable steps to avoid harassment involves an assumption that women are to blame for the harassment. It doesn't, no more than advising parents to take reasonable steps to avoid their kids being m olested implies that the kids or parents are to blame.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

There's a fine line I think. I certainly wouldn't stop advising women to protect themselves. Question of emphasis.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth


"I think the solution is twofold.

Unfortunately for a variety of reasons, there is a subset of people on here with little respect for other people. I'm not sure there's a way to entirely avoid these, although do use the defensive measures I'm sure you already do (deletion, blocking, reporting). There's a degree of hardening yourself and not taking it personally, which sucks and can be hard.

But the responsibility is twofold. We can do absolutely everything, and the problem still exists. People need to have some respect and remember they're talking to people. We need to find ways to discourage and penalise this behaviour, not just put all the burden on those receiving this appalling crap. It isn't our fault.

We've had this conversation before and I'm entirely with you about some of the crap women have to put up with on here, but I'm afraid it goes with the territory and it isn't going to change this side of utopia.

The sort of men who send shitty messages know full well its not socially acceptable and they don't care. As you said, all you can do it's harden yourself and block, report etc.

It's crap, but it's not going to change

I think we need to make it harder for people to get away with it. Work on societal attitudes. Obviously I protect myself as well. Maybe if not now, for women in future. It can seem futile.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "get away with it". If a bloke sends an obnoxious message to a woman on here, the sanction is report and expulsion. Other than possibly tightening up that procedure (which still relies on female initiative) I can't see what else could be done.

Report, and taken seriously (I don't know how seriously it's taken).

At a broader level, teach people that these views are unacceptable and won't be tolerated. Societal change. I think we're doing the work, but it's ongoing

I don't disagree with that, but arses will always be arses. Look at racism. Its now completely socially unacceptable to be explicitly racist, but racism still exists and flourishes in murky bits of the Internet.

I think we're getting there in terms of sexual harassment of women. Sexually harass a woman at work these days and you'll get sacked, which is very different from when I started working thirty years ago. However, there's still going to be blokes who get off on doing stuff like that and when they can do it anonymously and without any punishment other than being thrown off a site, they're going to do it.

Basically on a site like this where women are effectively saying "I'm willing to have casual sex", a certain type of bloke is going to take that as a licence to act in a way they wouldn't dream of acting in real life. Doesn't make it right and doesn't mean anyone's to blame except the blokes in question.

I suppose my point is that this shit is going to happen as long as both you and I are alive and it's basically a question of dealing with it. Pessimistic I know, but I'm old now

I don't disagree. But, if we can reduce 100 arseholes to 10, 10 to 2, then we're winning, right? (Meaningless numbers) And continue to say to women that it's not their fault and they're not alone.

I handle myself, I'm fine, but I want others to be too."

Is it true that if someone sends an obnoxious message and they are reported they are expelled , (with some level of confirmation ) ..I don't get the impression that's the case ...surely that would rapidly solve the problem ???

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

Jasmine,i share your pain.

Women can be just as bad though. I've been led on several times then blocked/ignored right before meeting, so it can happen to anyone.

.

What makes it worth staying here is the few people who are actually decent and genuine.

Sadly, men far outnumber women here, so you'll get plenty attention.

.

But when I'm next near Oxford, I'll shout from my lungs 'not a cheater'

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think the solution is twofold.

Unfortunately for a variety of reasons, there is a subset of people on here with little respect for other people. I'm not sure there's a way to entirely avoid these, although do use the defensive measures I'm sure you already do (deletion, blocking, reporting). There's a degree of hardening yourself and not taking it personally, which sucks and can be hard.

But the responsibility is twofold. We can do absolutely everything, and the problem still exists. People need to have some respect and remember they're talking to people. We need to find ways to discourage and penalise this behaviour, not just put all the burden on those receiving this appalling crap. It isn't our fault.

We've had this conversation before and I'm entirely with you about some of the crap women have to put up with on here, but I'm afraid it goes with the territory and it isn't going to change this side of utopia.

The sort of men who send shitty messages know full well its not socially acceptable and they don't care. As you said, all you can do it's harden yourself and block, report etc.

It's crap, but it's not going to change

I think we need to make it harder for people to get away with it. Work on societal attitudes. Obviously I protect myself as well. Maybe if not now, for women in future. It can seem futile.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "get away with it". If a bloke sends an obnoxious message to a woman on here, the sanction is report and expulsion. Other than possibly tightening up that procedure (which still relies on female initiative) I can't see what else could be done.

Report, and taken seriously (I don't know how seriously it's taken).

At a broader level, teach people that these views are unacceptable and won't be tolerated. Societal change. I think we're doing the work, but it's ongoing

I don't disagree with that, but arses will always be arses. Look at racism. Its now completely socially unacceptable to be explicitly racist, but racism still exists and flourishes in murky bits of the Internet.

I think we're getting there in terms of sexual harassment of women. Sexually harass a woman at work these days and you'll get sacked, which is very different from when I started working thirty years ago. However, there's still going to be blokes who get off on doing stuff like that and when they can do it anonymously and without any punishment other than being thrown off a site, they're going to do it.

Basically on a site like this where women are effectively saying "I'm willing to have casual sex", a certain type of bloke is going to take that as a licence to act in a way they wouldn't dream of acting in real life. Doesn't make it right and doesn't mean anyone's to blame except the blokes in question.

I suppose my point is that this shit is going to happen as long as both you and I are alive and it's basically a question of dealing with it. Pessimistic I know, but I'm old now

I don't disagree. But, if we can reduce 100 arseholes to 10, 10 to 2, then we're winning, right? (Meaningless numbers) And continue to say to women that it's not their fault and they're not alone.

I handle myself, I'm fine, but I want others to be too.

Is it true that if someone sends an obnoxious message and they are reported they are expelled , (with some level of confirmation ) ..I don't get the impression that's the case ...surely that would rapidly solve the problem ???"

I don't know what the penalty is.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"My concern is how do women get 50-100 messages a day? I’m lucky to get 2?

!!!!!

"

Because they don't use filters.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth


"I think the solution is twofold.

Unfortunately for a variety of reasons, there is a subset of people on here with little respect for other people. I'm not sure there's a way to entirely avoid these, although do use the defensive measures I'm sure you already do (deletion, blocking, reporting). There's a degree of hardening yourself and not taking it personally, which sucks and can be hard.

But the responsibility is twofold. We can do absolutely everything, and the problem still exists. People need to have some respect and remember they're talking to people. We need to find ways to discourage and penalise this behaviour, not just put all the burden on those receiving this appalling crap. It isn't our fault.

We've had this conversation before and I'm entirely with you about some of the crap women have to put up with on here, but I'm afraid it goes with the territory and it isn't going to change this side of utopia.

The sort of men who send shitty messages know full well its not socially acceptable and they don't care. As you said, all you can do it's harden yourself and block, report etc.

It's crap, but it's not going to change

I think we need to make it harder for people to get away with it. Work on societal attitudes. Obviously I protect myself as well. Maybe if not now, for women in future. It can seem futile.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "get away with it". If a bloke sends an obnoxious message to a woman on here, the sanction is report and expulsion. Other than possibly tightening up that procedure (which still relies on female initiative) I can't see what else could be done.

Report, and taken seriously (I don't know how seriously it's taken).

At a broader level, teach people that these views are unacceptable and won't be tolerated. Societal change. I think we're doing the work, but it's ongoing

I don't disagree with that, but arses will always be arses. Look at racism. Its now completely socially unacceptable to be explicitly racist, but racism still exists and flourishes in murky bits of the Internet.

I think we're getting there in terms of sexual harassment of women. Sexually harass a woman at work these days and you'll get sacked, which is very different from when I started working thirty years ago. However, there's still going to be blokes who get off on doing stuff like that and when they can do it anonymously and without any punishment other than being thrown off a site, they're going to do it.

Basically on a site like this where women are effectively saying "I'm willing to have casual sex", a certain type of bloke is going to take that as a licence to act in a way they wouldn't dream of acting in real life. Doesn't make it right and doesn't mean anyone's to blame except the blokes in question.

I suppose my point is that this shit is going to happen as long as both you and I are alive and it's basically a question of dealing with it. Pessimistic I know, but I'm old now

I don't disagree. But, if we can reduce 100 arseholes to 10, 10 to 2, then we're winning, right? (Meaningless numbers) And continue to say to women that it's not their fault and they're not alone.

I handle myself, I'm fine, but I want others to be too.

Is it true that if someone sends an obnoxious message and they are reported they are expelled , (with some level of confirmation ) ..I don't get the impression that's the case ...surely that would rapidly solve the problem ???

I don't know what the penalty is."

I don't think there is one given the way people describe their experiences on here ...I have reported Somone in the past for very very dodgy behaviour and the profile still stayed ..

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth


"Hey, this is the main reason for joining fab plus tick off my sexual bucket list. But one response from a male fabber made me think that most male fabbers don't share the same ideals as me.

I need to have that connection and gain trust and respect with someone before having any form of sexual contact. Most men message me indicating they want a quick screw with who ever willing to give it to them... Is that really what FAB all about? Am I better just to give up trying on FAB?

This is exactly our experience as well.

We will keep an active profile, will not subscribe again and have no aspirations of meeting what it is that we are looking for on this site."

I may sound like a broken gramaphone record ...but in my experience organised socials are a great way to meet people ...

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"Hey, this is the main reason for joining fab plus tick off my sexual bucket list. But one response from a male fabber made me think that most male fabbers don't share the same ideals as me.

I need to have that connection and gain trust and respect with someone before having any form of sexual contact. Most men message me indicating they want a quick screw with who ever willing to give it to them... Is that really what FAB all about? Am I better just to give up trying on FAB?

This is exactly our experience as well.

We will keep an active profile, will not subscribe again and have no aspirations of meeting what it is that we are looking for on this site.

I may sound like a broken gramaphone record ...but in my experience organised socials are a great way to meet people ..."

I like organising them too, met lots of interesting people that way, most have remained good friends.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont give up. You will find someone worthy of your time and attention.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like the lady said above, in a message further up the thread - filter out messages completely and if you haven't done this before, search for yourself for a little while.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could always try blocking men and messaging the ones you're interested in...

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Why not just block single guys and find the decent ones yourself , there a some , even a few here in the forums

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Could always try blocking men and messaging the ones you're interested in..."

Ahh you said it already but agreed why put yourself through that , there no need..

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Here is an explanation from Admin from another thread on how they deal with reports.

******Just a quick note. If people report others and we can verify that they have broken site rules, we always take action (either a first and final warning, partially suspended account, fully suspended, mixture of the above).

Every single report sent via the REPORT link is reviewed. Clearly it's not in our interests to have people on here who are bad for the site. Equally we need to verify what has been reported and be fair to those who have been reported.

Admin

PS. we never provide feedback on what has happened. It's just not practical given that we get 100s of reports a day.

Here is what the page says after a report has been submitted:

--

Your feedback has been saved.

A website admin will shortly review your feedback and take the necessary action. After reviewing the evidence available to us, we may disable an account, remove a user, disable certain aspects of that user's account or issue a warning.

By leaving feedback you help improve the site for everyone who uses it. Thank you.******

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

The above posts answers about how reports are dealt with. If you read it , depending on the report depends on what happens, you may get a warning before being disabled

If everyone was chucked off the site for a first offence half the forum would be missing

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

To the OP if you use your filters you can choose who to mail yourself. You still might not get what you are looking for but it will limit some mails

https://www.fabswingers.com/my/filters

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

OP have you thought of hiding your profile and you just search and contact who you are interested in? This will save getting unnecessary messages.

Just a thought

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan
over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy


"Unfortunately because i losing the will to live with messages, i delete 95% of messages as they usually start off with the same old line, no main pic, nothing much on thier profile, just time wasting exercise to open a message tbh

"

Agreed. It does help if they’re in the same vicinity too

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth


"The above posts answers about how reports are dealt with. If you read it , depending on the report depends on what happens, you may get a warning before being disabled

If everyone was chucked off the site for a first offence half the forum would be missing "

If a person has multiple complaints of crude or abusive messages are they removed...I don't understand how do many ladies etc can post they receive so many of these messages , if there is this level of policing?

Thx

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

Sorry for slightly garbled question but I think you get it ..

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could also just stay and use the forum

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside


"Unfortunately because i losing the will to live with messages, i delete 95% of messages as they usually start off with the same old line, no main pic, nothing much on thier profile, just time wasting exercise to open a message tbh

Maybe bury a code word in your profile asking them to put it in the subject. Might help cut the wheat from the chaff?

I did that. Sooo many messages I get now with that word in the title. Easy to bin them right away.

Interesting... I try that and let you guys know if it works

Just be aware that a lot just skip through the profile without reading looking for the secret word. As soon as they see it they think they've got the ticket for a shag.

Just to prove it, I have 13 unread messages at the moment. 7 of them have the secret word in the title. They haven't read in what situation to put the secret word, so will be going on my block list to save wasting time in the future.

Ok so not bother with code word? Hummmm "

I think your best bet is to state openly in your profile that you need to build up a connection with somebody and you need to get to know them before meeting them. Tell them you need to have mutual respect and trust.

Of course you will still get chancer looking for a quick fuck but stick to your guns. Do things your way. If somebody is not prepared to spend time getting to know then that is their loss not yours.

I know this is swingers website but there are guys on here who are open to something more than a series of one off shags. I could happily start a relationship with somebody I met on here.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hilarious really, OP your profile comes across as extremely egotistical, for example "message me as why you deserve a photo."

Wow. Surely you're encouraging the type of male you say you're attempting to avoid?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"The above posts answers about how reports are dealt with. If you read it , depending on the report depends on what happens, you may get a warning before being disabled

If everyone was chucked off the site for a first offence half the forum would be missing

If a person has multiple complaints of crude or abusive messages are they removed...I don't understand how do many ladies etc can post they receive so many of these messages , if there is this level of policing?

Thx "

Abusive messages i recieve is reported and blocked but doesn't mean I wont get anymore. There's just many men who can't take rejection and send abusive messages as an reaction

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"The above posts answers about how reports are dealt with. If you read it , depending on the report depends on what happens, you may get a warning before being disabled

If everyone was chucked off the site for a first offence half the forum would be missing

If a person has multiple complaints of crude or abusive messages are they removed...I don't understand how do many ladies etc can post they receive so many of these messages , if there is this level of policing?

Thx "

The post above explains what happens.

The forum is used by 1% of the site. A few posts about an odd e-mail is not a huge amount considering there are half a million mails exchanged every day

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Here is an explanation from Admin from another thread on how they deal with reports.

******Just a quick note. If people report others and we can verify that they have broken site rules, we always take action (either a first and final warning, partially suspended account, fully suspended, mixture of the above).

Every single report sent via the REPORT link is reviewed. Clearly it's not in our interests to have people on here who are bad for the site. Equally we need to verify what has been reported and be fair to those who have been reported.

Admin

PS. we never provide feedback on what has happened. It's just not practical given that we get 100s of reports a day.

Here is what the page says after a report has been submitted:

--

Your feedback has been saved.

A website admin will shortly review your feedback and take the necessary action. After reviewing the evidence available to us, we may disable an account, remove a user, disable certain aspects of that user's account or issue a warning.

By leaving feedback you help improve the site for everyone who uses it. Thank you.******

 (thread closed by moderator)

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