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Due to marriage

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well folks I'm due to get married next year but the sex life in or relationship is totally crap and my sex drive is threw the roof iv tried to talk to her about sex but it's a waste of time what should I do as it's really got to me and don't know wat to do

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

Sack the ole situ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dump them and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you spoken to your gf about your frustration?

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Don't get married until you have the issue sorted. Sex is important, it needs to be right for you both.

Talk to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe dont talk.. maybe introduce new elements slowly.. check for reactions. Depends what is the actual issue?

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

OMG..marriage is coming up and you feel like this!

I know you said that you've tried talking and with no luck. But, you've got to try again. You will be entering into marriage that you know can't satisfy you or her. If you're unhappy sooner or later so will she be.

This will only come back to bite you on the arse. Best sort it now before it's to late.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You really need to address this and soon.

Is the issue with sex a new thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have one question OP.

Why are you getting married?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, you will get different opinions on here and it is going to leave you even more confused. If I were you, I would change my thoughts from problem based thinking to a solution based thinking. I would go through a compatibility list and talk about the 'big rocks' with your gf. Obviously, sex is a big issue for you. Once you do that, you both can see where the short comings are for each other and can come with a plan and nail it. Literally!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Such as? We have 2 kids together and she says she's always tired and dosnt feel sexy but wen we started going out she came on to me all the time now iv to beg for sex and if I mentioned it more than twice she gets crabit with me iv told her that it was pushin me away and the response was wel if ur not happy what's the point.. She's very hard to talk to and thinks she's always right.. Iv been happier in past relationships but now there's 2 kids involved and I love my kids so much and don't want to leave them but I know deep down I'm not happy with her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you had any relationship counseling? Women's sexual interest does take a back seat once they have had kids. It's normal. I would seek out some relationship expert's advice before you do anything. Good luck mate!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you had any relationship counseling? Women's sexual interest does take a back seat once they have had kids. It's normal. I would seek out some relationship expert's advice before you do anything. Good luck mate! "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Such as? We have 2 kids together and she says she's always tired and dosnt feel sexy but wen we started going out she came on to me all the time now iv to beg for sex and if I mentioned it more than twice she gets crabit with me iv told her that it was pushin me away and the response was wel if ur not happy what's the point.. She's very hard to talk to and thinks she's always right.. Iv been happier in past relationships but now there's 2 kids involved and I love my kids so much and don't want to leave them but I know deep down I'm not happy with her "

Serious, I’d really think hard about marriage. Sex is a huge thing in a relationship and it’s a way of showing love. I’d seriously want to talk about your wants and needs regardless of marriage as you sound like your incompatible. You have children yes but that doesn’t mean you stay with someone. Your children need parents who are happy and in love. Plus you deserve happiness including an active sex life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks to each and everyone for there advice.. Yeah I have talked to her about counselling and I understand the loss of sex drive wen kids come along but she had a kid b4 wee met and at the start of or relationship we had sex every other night now if I mentioned sex b4 bed she let's on she doesn't hear me then if I try when we get to bed she says she's not in the mood and rolls over then if I turn my back she starts me about always wanting sex but iv also tried the hole leave her until she trys to have sex with me.. Wel that didn't go to well because we haven't had sex now in over a month and I'm at my wits end

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

You're in a very difficult situation. You both need to work out what you both want deep down.

Good luck with it all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex isn't everything. Have a wank and you'll feel better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex is important but what is more important is that you are not relating to each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks to each and everyone for there advice.. Yeah I have talked to her about counselling and I understand the loss of sex drive wen kids come along but she had a kid b4 wee met and at the start of or relationship we had sex every other night now if I mentioned sex b4 bed she let's on she doesn't hear me then if I try when we get to bed she says she's not in the mood and rolls over then if I turn my back she starts me about always wanting sex but iv also tried the hole leave her until she trys to have sex with me.. Wel that didn't go to well because we haven't had sex now in over a month and I'm at my wits end "

You need to sit and talk. Sex is a really big part of a relationship and if she is not wanting it you need to know why. If she’s unwilling to talk or seek help I’d personally not get married and suggest you split up as you are obviously wanting and needing the intimacy yet she’s unwilling to even try.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sex isn't everything. Have a wank and you'll feel better. "

Absolutely worst advice ever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sex isn't everything. Have a wank and you'll feel better.

Absolutely worst advice ever "

I agree. As you said OP, this hasn't always been the case so it would suggest there is deep issues going on so the worst thing you could do is just bury your head in the sand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sex isn't everything. Have a wank and you'll feel better. "

Sex with a person you love is more than an act. It’s an intimate thing which brings you closer, it’s about expressing love and feelings.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If she won't come to counselling with you,go alone. None of us can know why this situation has developed and the only way to find out is to talk to each other. If she won't talk and is using the tactic of being stroppy with you when you try to talk to avoid a conversation going to counselling without her might give you some strategies that will help.

No idea how old your children are but is post natal depression a possibility?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sex isn't everything. Have a wank and you'll feel better.

Sex with a person you love is more than an act. It’s an intimate thing which brings you closer, it’s about expressing love and feelings. "

I get that. I just don't get how fucking is so important all the time. There is more to a relationship than sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sex isn't everything. Have a wank and you'll feel better.

Sex with a person you love is more than an act. It’s an intimate thing which brings you closer, it’s about expressing love and feelings.

I get that. I just don't get how fucking is so important all the time. There is more to a relationship than sex. "

There’s a difference between ‘just fucking’ and being intimate with someone you’re in love with.

Forba lot of people it’s really important and it’s a way to be able to express love

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Sex isn't everything. Have a wank and you'll feel better.

Sex with a person you love is more than an act. It’s an intimate thing which brings you closer, it’s about expressing love and feelings.

I get that. I just don't get how fucking is so important all the time. There is more to a relationship than sex. "

There certainly is but the op is 31, he's entering in to a possibly life long commitment, that's a long time to be arguing about sex. Kudos to him for trying to sort it out now.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham


"Sex isn't everything. Have a wank and you'll feel better.

Sex with a person you love is more than an act. It’s an intimate thing which brings you closer, it’s about expressing love and feelings.

I get that. I just don't get how fucking is so important all the time. There is more to a relationship than sex. "

Sex isnt important all of the time, but for a happy and fulfilling marriage there has to be a want for sex from both people. There is a problem somewhere if one person doesn't want it, be it mental or physical, but it needs sorting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks to each and everyone for there advice.. Yeah I have talked to her about counselling and I understand the loss of sex drive wen kids come along but she had a kid b4 wee met and at the start of or relationship we had sex every other night now if I mentioned sex b4 bed she let's on she doesn't hear me then if I try when we get to bed she says she's not in the mood and rolls over then if I turn my back she starts me about always wanting sex but iv also tried the hole leave her until she trys to have sex with me.. Wel that didn't go to well because we haven't had sex now in over a month and I'm at my wits end "

The poor lady maybe just tired, looking after the kids and house and maybe working too. Do you help her around the house? I am not trying to make you feel bad or guilty. I have gone through this 10 yrs ago and stuffed up my marriage. I took things for granted while I was trying to build a business. Communicate with her and come up with a plan. Do your part in the relationship.

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

Is the childcare equally shared?

Do you have date night, a night where you get to relax and enjoy each other. Time set aside for just you both?

I suggest starting date night as a night not focused on sex but intimacy by other means.

Work towards pleasures like massage without sex.

Take out the demands for sex because the more she feels it as a demand the more it becomes a chore.

When you get to the sex stage make sure it's lengthy foreplay and especially she's satisfied before ending it. Otherwise she will feel it's all about you why bother wasting time when she's not being satisfied. Forget quickies, and make sure you stick to the routine of date night. Something to look forward to and important couple time, bonding and relaxing intimacy. When lockdown is over you'll have freedom to enjoy couple time away from the home and try new places and new things.

Find out without forcing the subject, discover things she likes, like in lingerie catalogues and such.

Relationships get stale because of monotonous behaviours. Start from the beginning because people change over time, experiences reflect on a person's behaviour. 3 kids is a huge change so you both have to rediscover yourselves.

For starters if you really want to marry her then you need to make an effort and so does she. Which means focusing on the relationship rather than getting a random fuck to fill your sexual needs from someone else because it offers no support for either of you if you want things to change. She finds out you're playing away and you're lying to her then that relationship will never be stable again. As the saying goes trust is like a mirror...

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Is the childcare equally shared?

Do you have date night, a night where you get to relax and enjoy each other. Time set aside for just you both?

I suggest starting date night as a night not focused on sex but intimacy by other means.

Work towards pleasures like massage without sex.

Take out the demands for sex because the more she feels it as a demand the more it becomes a chore.

When you get to the sex stage make sure it's lengthy foreplay and especially she's satisfied before ending it. Otherwise she will feel it's all about you why bother wasting time when she's not being satisfied. Forget quickies, and make sure you stick to the routine of date night. Something to look forward to and important couple time, bonding and relaxing intimacy. When lockdown is over you'll have freedom to enjoy couple time away from the home and try new places and new things.

Find out without forcing the subject, discover things she likes, like in lingerie catalogues and such.

Relationships get stale because of monotonous behaviours. Start from the beginning because people change over time, experiences reflect on a person's behaviour. 3 kids is a huge change so you both have to rediscover yourselves.

For starters if you really want to marry her then you need to make an effort and so does she. Which means focusing on the relationship rather than getting a random fuck to fill your sexual needs from someone else because it offers no support for either of you if you want things to change. She finds out you're playing away and you're lying to her then that relationship will never be stable again. As the saying goes trust is like a mirror..."

Some really good points here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do she know you use fab to search for sex, OP?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do she know you use fab to search for sex, OP? "

He’s not on trial

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sex isn't everything. Have a wank and you'll feel better.

Sex with a person you love is more than an act. It’s an intimate thing which brings you closer, it’s about expressing love and feelings.

I get that. I just don't get how fucking is so important all the time. There is more to a relationship than sex. "

There is definitely a difference between being intimate and making love with a person than just fucking. I dont do just fucking. It makes me feel guilty after that. Everyone is different. So I understand where you are coming from. OP is in a committed relationship. Sounds like both of you have lost motivation. Remember, motivation is what gets you started. Commitment is what gets you going!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is the childcare equally shared?

Do you have date night, a night where you get to relax and enjoy each other. Time set aside for just you both?

I suggest starting date night as a night not focused on sex but intimacy by other means.

Work towards pleasures like massage without sex.

Take out the demands for sex because the more she feels it as a demand the more it becomes a chore.

When you get to the sex stage make sure it's lengthy foreplay and especially she's satisfied before ending it. Otherwise she will feel it's all about you why bother wasting time when she's not being satisfied. Forget quickies, and make sure you stick to the routine of date night. Something to look forward to and important couple time, bonding and relaxing intimacy. When lockdown is over you'll have freedom to enjoy couple time away from the home and try new places and new things.

Find out without forcing the subject, discover things she likes, like in lingerie catalogues and such.

Relationships get stale because of monotonous behaviours. Start from the beginning because people change over time, experiences reflect on a person's behaviour. 3 kids is a huge change so you both have to rediscover yourselves.

For starters if you really want to marry her then you need to make an effort and so does she. Which means focusing on the relationship rather than getting a random fuck to fill your sexual needs from someone else because it offers no support for either of you if you want things to change. She finds out you're playing away and you're lying to her then that relationship will never be stable again. As the saying goes trust is like a mirror...

Some really good points here "

Ditto - if the sex life is "crap" then it's back to the start

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do she know you use fab to search for sex, OP?

He’s not on trial "

Maybe he could suggest fab meets with her to spice things up

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Do she know you use fab to search for sex, OP?

He’s not on trial

Maybe he could suggest fab meets with her to spice things up "

Why do feel the need to be mean?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do she know you use fab to search for sex, OP?

He’s not on trial

Maybe he could suggest fab meets with her to spice things up

Why do feel the need to be mean?"

I'm not feeling the need to be mean.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Do she know you use fab to search for sex, OP?

He’s not on trial

Maybe he could suggest fab meets with her to spice things up

Why do feel the need to be mean?

I'm not feeling the need to be mean. "

Oh ok..what is the point that you are trying to make then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do she know you use fab to search for sex, OP?

He’s not on trial

Maybe he could suggest fab meets with her to spice things up

Why do feel the need to be mean?

I'm not feeling the need to be mean.

Oh ok..what is the point that you are trying to make then"

He said he's been trying to talk to her about sex, so I suggested this.

Good luck with it OP.

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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

Why not go back to basics, date nights, and be sensual in bed with no actual sex, a massage or a picnic in bed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did you join fab, OP?

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

If you are frustrated now, it will be more frustrating once you get yourself in a sexless marriage. I would recommend seriously talking to her,without blaming eachother, and find out what’s missing and how you can improve together x good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Come on fab and cheat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you are frustrated now, it will be more frustrating once you get yourself in a sexless marriage. I would recommend seriously talking to her,without blaming eachother, and find out what’s missing and how you can improve together x good luck "

I think we should do the same. Thoughts?

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand


"If you are frustrated now, it will be more frustrating once you get yourself in a sexless marriage. I would recommend seriously talking to her,without blaming eachother, and find out what’s missing and how you can improve together x good luck

I think we should do the same. Thoughts? "

I don’t blame you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you are frustrated now, it will be more frustrating once you get yourself in a sexless marriage. I would recommend seriously talking to her,without blaming eachother, and find out what’s missing and how you can improve together x good luck

I think we should do the same. Thoughts?

I don’t blame you "

I am frustrated. You are frustrated. Let's get a room and talk about it!

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By *aughtyLondonGuyMan
over a year ago

london

I think it’s up to you to try and light the fire, and watch what happens. Then you will know if this marriage stands a chance

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand


"If you are frustrated now, it will be more frustrating once you get yourself in a sexless marriage. I would recommend seriously talking to her,without blaming eachother, and find out what’s missing and how you can improve together x good luck

I think we should do the same. Thoughts?

I don’t blame you

I am frustrated. You are frustrated. Let's get a room and talk about it! "

Can I come naked?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you are frustrated now, it will be more frustrating once you get yourself in a sexless marriage. I would recommend seriously talking to her,without blaming eachother, and find out what’s missing and how you can improve together x good luck

I think we should do the same. Thoughts?

I don’t blame you

I am frustrated. You are frustrated. Let's get a room and talk about it!

Can I come naked? "

You could, at your own risk!

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand


"If you are frustrated now, it will be more frustrating once you get yourself in a sexless marriage. I would recommend seriously talking to her,without blaming eachother, and find out what’s missing and how you can improve together x good luck

I think we should do the same. Thoughts?

I don’t blame you

I am frustrated. You are frustrated. Let's get a room and talk about it!

Can I come naked?

You could, at your own risk! "

i’ll bring the oil if talking goes sideways

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you are frustrated now, it will be more frustrating once you get yourself in a sexless marriage. I would recommend seriously talking to her,without blaming eachother, and find out what’s missing and how you can improve together x good luck

I think we should do the same. Thoughts?

I don’t blame you

I am frustrated. You are frustrated. Let's get a room and talk about it!

Can I come naked?

You could, at your own risk!

i’ll bring the oil if talking goes sideways "

I can fuck sideways too. I have lot of hidden talents!

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By *d4fun73Man
over a year ago

Shipley


"Come on fab and cheat "

He did 7 months ago!!!

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By *ungscotsman26Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Maybe don't be on here as a single male. Maybe she knows you are cheating behind her back

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

[Removed by poster at 09/05/20 08:56:45]

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham


"Maybe don't be on here as a single male. Maybe she knows you are cheating behind her back "

And comments like these are really helpful to him

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand


"If you are frustrated now, it will be more frustrating once you get yourself in a sexless marriage. I would recommend seriously talking to her,without blaming eachother, and find out what’s missing and how you can improve together x good luck

I think we should do the same. Thoughts?

I don’t blame you

I am frustrated. You are frustrated. Let's get a room and talk about it!

Can I come naked?

You could, at your own risk!

i’ll bring the oil if talking goes sideways

I can fuck sideways too. I have lot of hidden talents! "

You are on to a winner, nice talking to you

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Well folks I'm due to get married next year but the sex life in or relationship is totally crap and my sex drive is threw the roof iv tried to talk to her about sex but it's a waste of time what should I do as it's really got to me and don't know wat to do "

Try talking to her again and probably a good idea close any accounts on dating sites until you’ve made a decision on your future, it will complicate things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op none of us are sure of your situation but what I will say is don't make any decisions during lockdown as it's already a stressful situation and highlights any issues and makes them feel worse. All though you could use it to make things better depending on your situation it may give you more time to talk to her about the situation and maybe help out around the house more and make her feel validated and wanted. I really hope things work out for you.

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington

[Removed by poster at 09/05/20 09:08:30]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i live with a woman she never gives my cock any attention these days!

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"Maybe don't be on here as a single male. Maybe she knows you are cheating behind her back "

Yes. I don't think it's unfair or judgy to point that out to the op. Maybe she senses your attentions are elsewhere. If you really want to work it out with her, being here won't help that in any way. If you don't, that's a conversation you need to have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well folks I'm due to get married next year but the sex life in or relationship is totally crap and my sex drive is threw the roof iv tried to talk to her about sex but it's a waste of time what should I do as it's really got to me and don't know wat to do "

If she's not interested in you unfortunately you need to move on,

She's obviously interested in a certain type as we all are and you're not it. Move on to a woman who is looking for someone like you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do she know you use fab to search for sex, OP? "

Good point. OP maybe she knows you are on here and assumes you are cheating on her. That will likely kill her sex drive and make her feel unwanted.

I think OP you also said she feels like you only want her for sex all the time. As others have said, when you were dating perhaps you treated her differently. Dates etc. Hence why she felt more sexual towards you back then.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Such as? We have 2 kids together and she says she's always tired and dosnt feel sexy but wen we started going out she came on to me all the time now iv to beg for sex and if I mentioned it more than twice she gets crabit with me iv told her that it was pushin me away and the response was wel if ur not happy what's the point.. She's very hard to talk to and thinks she's always right.. Iv been happier in past relationships but now there's 2 kids involved and I love my kids so much and don't want to leave them but I know deep down I'm not happy with her "

Ok OP

I’m getting the feeling you are expecting sex from her, putting her under pressure, being a typical bloke about it. This will not make her have sex with you. Maybe start to make her feel wanted and appreciated, make her feel like she isn’t a sex object to just agree to it when you want it. Start helping her more around the house and with the kids, give her a day off to pamper herself and rest while you do everything. You may just find she will be different towards you. You’re coming on here moaning about her. Does she know you are on Fab wanting sex? Yes folks before you ask, if OP was a woman I would ask about being on Fab too. Cheating solves nothing!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

When a man says he's living without sex it's often seen as his problem to solve. Surely in a relationship if sex (or anything) is a problem its a joint concern and ought to be addressed by both people. If anybody man or woman, isn't getting something emotional or physical from a relationship that is important to them and the other partner refuses to help find a solution then I'm not sure that partner is as committed as the other.

The op or anybody in this situation can do all the things suggested here but if his partner won't tell him what the actual problem is or even engage with him on the subject he's in this on his own which must be pretty soul destroying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When a man says he's living without sex it's often seen as his problem to solve. Surely in a relationship if sex (or anything) is a problem its a joint concern and ought to be addressed by both people. If anybody man or woman, isn't getting something emotional or physical from a relationship that is important to them and the other partner refuses to help find a solution then I'm not sure that partner is as committed as the other.

The op or anybody in this situation can do all the things suggested here but if his partner won't tell him what the actual problem is or even engage with him on the subject he's in this on his own which must be pretty soul destroying "

I agree. I don't think sex is the issue, (lack of) communication is.

Also frequently people suggest the man should help the woman around the house more.

Help?? It's a 2 people relationship. The house isn't the woman's job.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"When a man says he's living without sex it's often seen as his problem to solve. Surely in a relationship if sex (or anything) is a problem its a joint concern and ought to be addressed by both people. If anybody man or woman, isn't getting something emotional or physical from a relationship that is important to them and the other partner refuses to help find a solution then I'm not sure that partner is as committed as the other.

The op or anybody in this situation can do all the things suggested here but if his partner won't tell him what the actual problem is or even engage with him on the subject he's in this on his own which must be pretty soul destroying

I agree. I don't think sex is the issue, (lack of) communication is.

Also frequently people suggest the man should help the woman around the house more.

Help?? It's a 2 people relationship. The house isn't the woman's job. "

that always makes me laugh.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"When a man says he's living without sex it's often seen as his problem to solve. Surely in a relationship if sex (or anything) is a problem its a joint concern and ought to be addressed by both people. If anybody man or woman, isn't getting something emotional or physical from a relationship that is important to them and the other partner refuses to help find a solution then I'm not sure that partner is as committed as the other.

The op or anybody in this situation can do all the things suggested here but if his partner won't tell him what the actual problem is or even engage with him on the subject he's in this on his own which must be pretty soul destroying

I agree. I don't think sex is the issue, (lack of) communication is.

Also frequently people suggest the man should help the woman around the house more.

Help?? It's a 2 people relationship. The house isn't the woman's job. "

It’s funny how many guys blame women for the lack of sex.....’she won’t have sex with me bla bla bla’ and I wonder why....it’s like we should have an on/off button at the side of our heads...

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By *DreamOfGenieWoman
over a year ago

London

It could be a spiralling issue stemming from post-natal depression and/or not being in the mood for sex, exacerbated by looking after three kids, no alone time, being asked/begged for sex rather than seduced or flirted with, and the nagging feeling that your partner is cheating on you while you look after the children who you share.

If you really want it to work I'd suggest making her feel wanted/desired...and that doesn't just mean telling her she's beautiful, it means taking the kids out to give her some alone time, running her a nice relaxing bath, doing something thoughtful for her...making her feel loved and valued.

I definitely wouldn't get married if you're not willing to put the work in too. Which do you think would have the worse impact on you both and the kids - an unhappy family home, arguments and a nasty divorce; or a more amicable split before marriage, seeing the kids regularly, and remaining friends to co-parent together?

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By *ensual 2Couple
over a year ago

Blackpool

Lifes too short to waste each others time.... be honest ...if she wont budge ..move on ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Such as? We have 2 kids together and she says she's always tired and dosnt feel sexy but wen we started going out she came on to me all the time now iv to beg for sex and if I mentioned it more than twice she gets crabit with me iv told her that it was pushin me away and the response was wel if ur not happy what's the point.. She's very hard to talk to and thinks she's always right.. Iv been happier in past relationships but now there's 2 kids involved and I love my kids so much and don't want to leave them but I know deep down I'm not happy with her "

Just caught up on your reply.

Having kids is not a reason to stay together. They need happy parents, not two miserable ones stuck under one roof. Whatever you do put them first.. as your relationship will be a model of family they will want to enter one day or wont be able to escape from... good luck.

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By *KAholeandgloryCouple
over a year ago

exeter

I don’t agree with cheating no matter which way round it is.

But why when a female puts out pretty much the same thread she get loads of advice. But when it’s a Male does he gets slammed for it.

I also mentioned that on the other thread aswell.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"I don’t agree with cheating no matter which way round it is.

But why when a female puts out pretty much the same thread she get loads of advice. But when it’s a Male does he gets slammed for it.

I also mentioned that on the other thread aswell. "

I would ‘slam’ a female for cheating. I think the problem here is the OP is blaming his g/f for lack of sex and it doesn’t bode well. In my eyes he’s coming over as a typical bloke expecting sex whenever he wants it. Life doesn’t work like that!

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By *oldswarriorMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

This has to be a wind up. Why even consider getting married if this has been a ongoing issue for a while.

It's a look at me post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you can't have a proper, honest conversation, about anything, you shouldn't be in a relationship, let alone get married

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your marriage is probably over before it's started. Ignore anyone who tells you different.

If you've expressed your unhappiness at the situation and she can't or won't change, then there's nothing you can do.

My advice is, if you can afford the hotels and have a close friend you can have along term affair with, provided your lifestyle allows it, get yourself a bit on the side. If not, get rid of your woman.

If you're financially dependant on each other and there's no prospect of an affair, you're going to have to take the financial hit in order to leave. Other than that, the shitty feeling you have now will be with you until your libido properly starts to drop.... which could be your 60s.

Good luck mate.

And if anyone was triggered from reading this - good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don’t agree with cheating no matter which way round it is.

But why when a female puts out pretty much the same thread she get loads of advice. But when it’s a Male does he gets slammed for it.

I also mentioned that on the other thread aswell.

I would ‘slam’ a female for cheating. I think the problem here is the OP is blaming his g/f for lack of sex and it doesn’t bode well. In my eyes he’s coming over as a typical bloke expecting sex whenever he wants it. Life doesn’t work like that!"

Why not? Becky gives it to me whenever I want it.... and often when I don't. Seriously. Someone needs to have a word with her. She's a maniac.

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...


"Well folks I'm due to get married next year but the sex life in or relationship is totally crap and my sex drive is threw the roof iv tried to talk to her about sex but it's a waste of time what should I do as it's really got to me and don't know wat to do "

My advice would be to try and sort it out but very quickly. If you can't then scrap the wedding.

This situation reminds me of myself nearly 40 years ago.

We had been together for 5 years and the sex had been (at best) OK.

The wedding was arranged, the two families knew each other well by then but the sex was already going down hill and that was from a starting point of just OK.

We went through with the wedding and of course we had some sex and even produced a couple of kids but it was about as exciting as a wet Wednesday in February.

We muddled through for a few years but needless to say I started playing away (is was during that period that I visited my first swinger club and look where that got me LOL )

Divorce and all the accompanying shit was soon to follow and (apart from the kids) I thought that I had wasted over 10 years of my life.

If you can't sort it, don't do it.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts


"When a man says he's living without sex it's often seen as his problem to solve. Surely in a relationship if sex (or anything) is a problem its a joint concern and ought to be addressed by both people. If anybody man or woman, isn't getting something emotional or physical from a relationship that is important to them and the other partner refuses to help find a solution then I'm not sure that partner is as committed as the other.

The op or anybody in this situation can do all the things suggested here but if his partner won't tell him what the actual problem is or even engage with him on the subject he's in this on his own which must be pretty soul destroying

I agree. I don't think sex is the issue, (lack of) communication is.

Also frequently people suggest the man should help the woman around the house more.

Help?? It's a 2 people relationship. The house isn't the woman's job. "

Some people forget that!

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts


"It could be a spiralling issue stemming from post-natal depression and/or not being in the mood for sex, exacerbated by looking after three kids, no alone time, being asked/begged for sex rather than seduced or flirted with, and the nagging feeling that your partner is cheating on you while you look after the children who you share.

If you really want it to work I'd suggest making her feel wanted/desired...and that doesn't just mean telling her she's beautiful, it means taking the kids out to give her some alone time, running her a nice relaxing bath, doing something thoughtful for her...making her feel loved and valued.

I definitely wouldn't get married if you're not willing to put the work in too. Which do you think would have the worse impact on you both and the kids - an unhappy family home, arguments and a nasty divorce; or a more amicable split before marriage, seeing the kids regularly, and remaining friends to co-parent together?"

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By *ingle ex cuckMan
over a year ago

chester

Maybe you like divorce cake too much

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

I'm not sure why the OP is planning to get married. He already lives with his partner, they have kids together and the relationship is in a bad place. I don't understand why you would want to add a legal tie to that.

My advice would be for the OP to sit down with his partner and tell her it's really not a good idea to get married at this stage and they need to get the relationship in a better place before they even think about that. If, as I suspect, she's driving the marriage project that may give her the wake up call she needs.

Also, I would advise the OP to get off here and concentrate on his relationship. Women aren't stupid and can usually sense when someone is looking elsewhere. Obviously if she suspects that, she's not going to want to have sex with him.

At the end of the day, if the OP commits to trying to make things better and it's still shit, as others have said, it's best to split up as amicably as possible. Otherwise you've got decades of argument and resentment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When a man says he's living without sex it's often seen as his problem to solve. Surely in a relationship if sex (or anything) is a problem its a joint concern and ought to be addressed by both people. If anybody man or woman, isn't getting something emotional or physical from a relationship that is important to them and the other partner refuses to help find a solution then I'm not sure that partner is as committed as the other.

The op or anybody in this situation can do all the things suggested here but if his partner won't tell him what the actual problem is or even engage with him on the subject he's in this on his own which must be pretty soul destroying "

/Close thread

Honestly as someone said above there is little point asking for relationship advice on a swinging forum

Speak to your partner, ask her what's wrong, how can you help each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm not sure why the OP is planning to get married. He already lives with his partner, they have kids together and the relationship is in a bad place. I don't understand why you would want to add a legal tie to that.

My advice would be for the OP to sit down with his partner and tell her it's really not a good idea to get married at this stage and they need to get the relationship in a better place before they even think about that. If, as I suspect, she's driving the marriage project that may give her the wake up call she needs.

Also, I would advise the OP to get off here and concentrate on his relationship. Women aren't stupid and can usually sense when someone is looking elsewhere. Obviously if she suspects that, she's not going to want to have sex with him.

At the end of the day, if the OP commits to trying to make things better and it's still shit, as others have said, it's best to split up as amicably as possible. Otherwise you've got decades of argument and resentment. "

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