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She's lost all interest

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A rant more than anything!!

We've been married for almost 6 years but weve been together for twice that. shes quite vanilla and not into swinging (yet) but who knows in teh future. For the last few years sex has been on the downturn and about a year ago pretty much dried up, apart from maybe once or twice a month wehn i get jumped for about 15 minutes and once shes done thats it. If i try and give her a hug or a kiss often you can see her recoil a bit, earlier on today i shunted off with the excuse she was looking at stuff on Instagram! Years ago she would have been more open but now theres nothing. Can't finger her, eat her out (my favourite), no fancy positions (in fact most times she faces away from me), trying to take any photos etc, really doesnt like me near her in anything that might be sexual and hasnt for a while. i feel like im letting her down, and it does create a bit of tension sometimes. i come fast too which doesnt help as shes tight and im large in comparison. we cant talk about it because when i do i get told its fine, theres no issue and im imagining it. i think opposite, and think she knows it too and that its a diversion. she wont discuss it. i also told her that id love her to go out and see omeone else, man woman whoever makes her happy but she's said no and seemed annoyed id suggested it. she is self conscious about her body but i dont know why, shes gorgeous and no amount of telling her has any effect!

I came here to lurk and see what the score is, ideally to jumpstart things as i loooove the idea of someone else shagging her and id suspect they were if she went out, but doesnt. with that in mind id like to try and get someone to try and pull her and give her the spark back, make her happy in herself again as im clearly not doing it. but doing that is grossly unfair to her i think and i dont know what to do!! time will tell i guess ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there a question in there

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By *erdyWoman
over a year ago

wiltshire

How is you trying to pimp her out going to help her?! Clearly issues you need to work out as a couple, not a third party and certainly not trying to fix her up behind her back!

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By *essica jamiesonWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

" I came here to lurk" words fail me.......

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool


"A rant more than anything!!

We've been married for almost 6 years but weve been together for twice that. shes quite vanilla and not into swinging (yet) but who knows in teh future. For the last few years sex has been on the downturn and about a year ago pretty much dried up, apart from maybe once or twice a month wehn i get jumped for about 15 minutes and once shes done thats it. If i try and give her a hug or a kiss often you can see her recoil a bit, earlier on today i shunted off with the excuse she was looking at stuff on Instagram! Years ago she would have been more open but now theres nothing. Can't finger her, eat her out (my favourite), no fancy positions (in fact most times she faces away from me), trying to take any photos etc, really doesnt like me near her in anything that might be sexual and hasnt for a while. i feel like im letting her down, and it does create a bit of tension sometimes. i come fast too which doesnt help as shes tight and im large in comparison. we cant talk about it because when i do i get told its fine, theres no issue and im imagining it. i think opposite, and think she knows it too and that its a diversion. she wont discuss it. i also told her that id love her to go out and see omeone else, man woman whoever makes her happy but she's said no and seemed annoyed id suggested it. she is self conscious about her body but i dont know why, shes gorgeous and no amount of telling her has any effect!

I came here to lurk and see what the score is, ideally to jumpstart things as i loooove the idea of someone else shagging her and id suspect they were if she went out, but doesnt. with that in mind id like to try and get someone to try and pull her and give her the spark back, make her happy in herself again as im clearly not doing it. but doing that is grossly unfair to her i think and i dont know what to do!! time will tell i guess ..."

Sit down and talk to her.

Bringing other people in at this point certainly wont help.

You need to be able to communicate

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

please don't get someone else to try and pull her.

If she won't talk would she attend relationship counselling with you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds hard work op... a woman posted a similar thread last week, hubby not interested and she was cheating. She got lots of advice and sympathetic words but dont expect the same because unfortunately you have the wrong tackle...

Sounds like you need to talk to her, have it out, ask her what she wants. Dont even mention sex and/or swinging. Sometimes its best to cut ties and go seperate ways when things get beyond being fixed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A rant more than anything!!

We've been married for almost 6 years but weve been together for twice that. shes quite vanilla and not into swinging (yet) but who knows in teh future. For the last few years sex has been on the downturn and about a year ago pretty much dried up, apart from maybe once or twice a month wehn i get jumped for about 15 minutes and once shes done thats it. If i try and give her a hug or a kiss often you can see her recoil a bit, earlier on today i shunted off with the excuse she was looking at stuff on Instagram! Years ago she would have been more open but now theres nothing. Can't finger her, eat her out (my favourite), no fancy positions (in fact most times she faces away from me), trying to take any photos etc, really doesnt like me near her in anything that might be sexual and hasnt for a while. i feel like im letting her down, and it does create a bit of tension sometimes. i come fast too which doesnt help as shes tight and im large in comparison. we cant talk about it because when i do i get told its fine, theres no issue and im imagining it. i think opposite, and think she knows it too and that its a diversion. she wont discuss it. i also told her that id love her to go out and see omeone else, man woman whoever makes her happy but she's said no and seemed annoyed id suggested it. she is self conscious about her body but i dont know why, shes gorgeous and no amount of telling her has any effect!

I came here to lurk and see what the score is, ideally to jumpstart things as i loooove the idea of someone else shagging her and id suspect they were if she went out, but doesnt. with that in mind id like to try and get someone to try and pull her and give her the spark back, make her happy in herself again as im clearly not doing it. but doing that is grossly unfair to her i think and i dont know what to do!! time will tell i guess ..."

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way.

Is she going through the me the menopause? some women lose interest in sex during the menopause.

Is she sexually bored? We can fall into a routine. Does you sex life have predictable pattern? EG a bit of kissing, a bit of oral, penetrative sex, the end.

Maybe she wants you to be more sexually adventurous in bed but is too afraid to ask?

Unless you speak to her and ask her why she has gone of sex you will not know why she has gone of sex.

We all know when done right sex is great.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is there a question in there"

I think the question is "My wife has gone of sex. Any ideas why?".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Given you're saying she pulls back from affection at times I think you need to take sex out the equation for a bit. Work on building your relationship as a couple. Talk to her. Date her. Going out is hard right now but perhaps cook a favorite meal you've shared in the past, write her a letter telling her you appreciate her. Show her you care.

Your suggestion she go somewhere else will be haunting her. You need to gain her trust again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of men cheat for these kinds of reasons. They have no idea how to fix it and get to the point they're afraid to ask for any kind of attention or affection.

I'm going to put myself out here for a roasting but.... GUYS NEED TO FEEL WANTED TOO.

In saying that, I think the worst idea is to try and introduce this kind of lifestyle. You could break your relationship completely.

Good luck

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"A rant more than anything!!

We've been married for almost 6 years but weve been together for twice that. shes quite vanilla and not into swinging (yet) but who knows in teh future. For the last few years sex has been on the downturn and about a year ago pretty much dried up, apart from maybe once or twice a month wehn i get jumped for about 15 minutes and once shes done thats it. If i try and give her a hug or a kiss often you can see her recoil a bit, earlier on today i shunted off with the excuse she was looking at stuff on Instagram! Years ago she would have been more open but now theres nothing. Can't finger her, eat her out (my favourite), no fancy positions (in fact most times she faces away from me), trying to take any photos etc, really doesnt like me near her in anything that might be sexual and hasnt for a while. i feel like im letting her down, and it does create a bit of tension sometimes. i come fast too which doesnt help as shes tight and im large in comparison. we cant talk about it because when i do i get told its fine, theres no issue and im imagining it. i think opposite, and think she knows it too and that its a diversion. she wont discuss it. i also told her that id love her to go out and see omeone else, man woman whoever makes her happy but she's said no and seemed annoyed id suggested it. she is self conscious about her body but i dont know why, shes gorgeous and no amount of telling her has any effect!

I came here to lurk and see what the score is, ideally to jumpstart things as i loooove the idea of someone else shagging her and id suspect they were if she went out, but doesnt. with that in mind id like to try and get someone to try and pull her and give her the spark back, make her happy in herself again as im clearly not doing it. but doing that is grossly unfair to her i think and i dont know what to do!! time will tell i guess ...

Sit down and talk to her.

Bringing other people in at this point certainly wont help.

You need to be able to communicate"

He tried talking to her by the sounds of it. And he says how vanilla and distant she's been behaving. Can't work out if its always been like it or just recently.

Like some relationships just come to an end like mine. Looking back at it, I was never really comfortable with sex with my ex so think that was half the problem and as familiarity sets in, more distant i became. So bringing someone else wasn't the answer for my marriage. Food for thought op. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being on a swingers site is not going to help you repair a relationship where the other partner probably does not even know you are on here.

If you love her, concentrate in her issues and not a scene you should not be part of.

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By *empsey and hotpieceMan
over a year ago

North west

I feel for you op, you obviously still love her and find her attractive, so it must be a knock to your self confidence when she shows no sexual interest in you.

Sadly it could purely be the simple fact she’s fallen out of love with you , or it could be a medical reason (physical or physiological).

What ever the reason, it needs approaching gently .

Put sex on the back burner, show her some affection in other ways, cook her some nice meals, suggest a bottle of wine snuggled on the sofa watching a movie, if she responds to that, just try telling her you feel maybe she’s gone off you and it’s making you sad.

Suggesting kinky sex ideas at this point isn’t going to work, I think that needs to be something you can explore if and when she’s opened up emotionally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 separate thoughts here..

1..you said you were here to lurk..well you've done that..1st forum post in the 5 months you've been here.. wouldn't you have seen there is always a mix of advice from different views..such as ..Talk to her etc. To the other side of ..no doubt some guy will say when and where..and try and Shag her...

She's not you meat to control

2.. taking your post as genuine..

Talk to her...if there's problems with your relationship..here won't fix it..

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By *na_Luv_4PlayCouple
over a year ago

Bridlington


"I feel for you op, you obviously still love her and find her attractive, so it must be a knock to your self confidence when she shows no sexual interest in you.

Sadly it could purely be the simple fact she’s fallen out of love with you , or it could be a medical reason (physical or physiological).

What ever the reason, it needs approaching gently .

Put sex on the back burner, show her some affection in other ways, cook her some nice meals, suggest a bottle of wine snuggled on the sofa watching a movie, if she responds to that, just try telling her you feel maybe she’s gone off you and it’s making you sad.

Suggesting kinky sex ideas at this point isn’t going to work, I think that needs to be something you can explore if and when she’s opened up emotionally."

Couldn't have said it any better sound advice, Swing fun requires a solid trusting relationship.

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

I definitely would suggest some form of counselling. She may be completely happy with the way things are, but you are obviously not.

Have you actually told her that you aren’t happy or are you couching it as though she isn’t?

A lot of couples find it difficult to tell each other exactly how they are feeling because they don’t want to hurt each other’s feelings.

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe you are just not compatible. You probably need to have a good chat with her after a nice meal and a couple of glasses of wine. It could be lack of trust which is driving her away from you. Maybe she just doesn't have much Mojo and is depressed. The times we are in have been pretty depressing for quite a number of years. Sadly I don't think coming on here will help her much

Good luck OP. Been there and had the T shirt. It pays to be truthful and honest to each other.

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By *am4CamWoman
over a year ago

Fairy Land

You’re on here to find someone to fuck your wife? Yet your search criteria is clearly for you not her. Either talk to her about how you are feeling and try to mend it or arrange some couple counselling.

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