Chapter one, beginnings
I pushed my way out of the door, disappointment mingling with relief to be finally free of the crush inside. I had looked forward all week to this,
The Summer exhibition at the Royal Academy, I had drifted in Austen
inspired dreams of wandering the corridors surrounded by artists and art.
Even my clothes, the long white skirt, wide sleeved blouse had been chose
with the idea of cultivating an air of sophistication.
Now the blouse and skirt clung to me , sweat making them stick to my
breasts and legs, flushed I was an awkward out of place eighteen year old
desperate to escape.
I sat on the step outside the grand portico entrance and wondered what
to do with my day now. It was only 11 o'clock my aunt and uncle weren't
expecting me back for hours .
"You cant sit there ,move "A sour faced security guard loomed over me
,his pot belly level with my face. Tears pricked my eyes as I drew myself
smaller, hoping no one had seen. As I walked away a woman's voice
whispered" Frightful jobs worth, you were doing no harm"
I looked at her, tried to smile, she was old, well not really old maybe
40 ,with the kind of clothes that made a mockery of my attempt at
sophistication,. But she was smiling and her eyes were kind. Deep black
eyes that twinkled as she spoke. I thought I sensed something, amusement
perhaps, but not at me.
"Hey" she said " Its not that bad" I blushed, I hated the fact that I
cried so easily "Come on ,its too hot and crowded in there ,my husband will
be hours, I know lets be naughty, Would you like an ice cream?"
It seemed easier to agree to nod and follow, she chatted easily about
London in the summer, their antiques shop,she didn't seem to treat me like
a child until we reached the ice cream van. Then she simply ordered ,for
herself and me, and passed me the cornet smiling.
"Thank you" I said, feeling the ice cream slide down my throat.
I delighted in licking the swirl to a smooth peak. I would always eat
ice cream like this. Licking it to a point then tasting tiny bits on my
tongue, making the sensation last .Twirling my tongue around each side
until it was smooth. As some ice cream started to melt I used my tongue to
catch the drip before it reached my hand and made it sticky. I followed
the trail with my mouth up the peak, and examined the cone, Checking it was
still symmetrical, I noticed she was watching me, smiling again. I
realised this was probably not the way sophisticated women ate there ice
cream, but grinned back at her.
"Thank you "
"You have already said that , and its lovely to see you looking happier,
and enjoying your ice cream"
As we wandered back I found myself telling her about spending the summer
with my uncle and aunt, how great the freedom they gave me was. Other than
occasionally helping in my uncles shop I was able to spend the days
exploring.
We had arrived back outside the Academy and I realised how sad I would
be to say goodbye." Did you get to see much ?"I shook my head, I had been
too short and shy to push my way forward to the front.
"Well here's a suggestion, when my husband finally drags himself free
,why don't you come back to our shop ,we have an exhibition of Regency art
not the RA " she laughed " But at least you can see "
I hesitated, "Where is the shop ?"
So not long afterwards I was following her them to Jermanye street,.
They walked ahead hand in hand. He was taller than her, older too , his
back straight and easy stride showing his confidence. They were talking
quietly but she turned her head to check I was following still and he
smiled back at me when she spoke to him. The shop was not what I expected.
Antiques had made me conjure up an image of dark wood and thick glass
widows. Instead this had one large plate glass window, shuttered now, matt
black trim. It looked like trendy nightclub. Inside a few pieces were on
pedestals and along one wall 6 paintings in heavy gold frames.
She moved into the back, he stood behind me ,I could sense his presence,
and realised it was starting a familiar sensation .I fixed my eyes on the
painting ahead of me and tried to ignore the fact I was growing hot between
my legs. He moved, and looked at me." So serious, has she been lecturing
you, ? I will tell her off if she has"
The idea was so funny I laughed out loud , the idea of him telling
someone so glamorous off like a naughty school girl.
"That's better , you have such a pretty smile, it lights up your whole
face."
I shook my head ,not knowing what to say, he ignored me." Do you
recognise this?"
"Its Fanny Brawne, she was too have married Keats" He explained who was
in each portrait, each was the wife or fiancé or a famous Regency figure.
His voice was soft as he told me who had married,died,been disgraced.
"They are beautiful" I said, assuming he expected a comment, he looked
down at me , "As are you, but I doubt you believe me." His wife had joined
him. " She is, lovely white skin so beloved of the Georgians and that
hair, how long is it, can we see?"
I pulled out my pony tail and let my hair loose, my hair was the one
thing I was proud of, it reached my waist and the coppery highlights
glinted in sunlight.
"You should always wear it down" she said" It suits you ,"
I looked at the floor "Don't do that "he said, "We are only speaking the
truth, that should embarrass no one." They were standing almost within arms
length, one on either side, I felt like I should be on a pedestal under a
spot light. There was silence as I raised my head to look straight ahead.
For some reason rather than fear or embarrassment I was feeling the need to
rub myself. Between my legs.
"Remove your top and skirt "
For a moment I didn't believe what I had heard, I glanced at each of
them in turn, neither spoke, although she nodded ever so slightly, still
smiling that smile I couldn't quite place.
He was not smiling , but he did not look angry or even concerned, merely
patient.
I did not want to disappoint, and a the back of my mind grew an idea.
Perhaps ,just perhaps, one of them would touch me. Touch me in the way I
touched myself. I wondered what it would be like to feel another's hand
down there on me .Rubbing me faster and faster till my body was
overwhelmed. Or even a man inside me.
I unbuttoned my blouse and stepped out of my skirt.
"Good Girl, now the bra and knickers"
So I stood before them, naked "Marvellous" she breathed "Indeed" he
replied, he was smiling now. He circled me, taking in my bum as well as my
breasts. " You should be proud of your body, such beautiful breasts and hips"
She reached out a hand " May I?" I nodded not daring to speak. She
gently brushed her fingers against the nipple, I closed my eyes and gasped.
"Sensitive too, how exquisite!"
My nipple had hardened, I wanted her to touch it again, to reach across
to the other one. My legs were trembling as I stood not daring to speak
wondering what would happen next. I wanted to put my hand between my legs
and play with the mound that made my legs tighten and head spin. I
wondered what would happen if I did, how would they react? My breathing
was coming faster as I waited.
"Well, its time to open the shop " She said brightly ," Put your things
back on dear, we have work to do"
I looked at them both ,confused, he was walking to the desk that served
as their till, she to the front of the shop to open the metal shutters.
Hurriedly I pulled on my clothes. As the sunlight streamed in I was
dressed again and she was holding the door open,
"Anytime you want ,come see us again "she said ,I picked up my bag and
ran out the shop.
The northern line back to Camden was its normal mix of London flotsam ,
I found a seat and tried to work out if I was dreaming. The shop had
seemed so real, this the speeding tube taking me into darkness this seemed
the dream.
I could only assume I had done something wrong, but then why her parting
words, the invitation to return.
Once back at my uncles flat I rushed downstairs to the basement room
that was mine for the summer. Flat on my tummy on the bed I put my hand
between my legs. I realised I was sticky and not with sweat .My fingers
started to circle and I pushed my weight down onto my hand. Faster I moved
, imagining they had touched me ,That he had taken my breasts in his hands.
My legs were starting to tense and contract, I knew the moment was near,
I wanted more than my hand , I pushed the pillow between my legs and rubbed
myself against it. The friction against my bare skin exciting me more , my
hands free now I touched my breasts .My nipples were hard as they had been
in the shop, I pinched them, and finally felt the release.
My body relaxed and I sobbed into the pillow.
The rest of the week my thoughts were dominated by the sensations in my
body ,whenever I was alone the ache became a pain. I would rub myself
against the arms of the chairs, the edges of doors, when I went for a wee
my hand went between my legs.
And at night hearing my Aunt and Uncle make love through the wall I
would listen. My body frantically moving, my hand rubbing ,the stickiness
covering my fingers until I lay spent on the bed.
One day without planning it I found myself back in Kensington, walking
in a daze to the antique shop. I pushed open the door and for a moment
whilst my eyes adjusted I could only make out the dark shape of a figure
sitting at desk, then he spoke.
"Sarah, I am so glad you chose to come back," He walked towards me, my
mouth was dry, I hadn't imagined being alone with him. I thought about him
doing things, no I thought about him fucking me. That was what I wanted
and I swallowed unsure what to say.
"Would you like a tea, or coffee? Claire is away I am afraid, but I am
sure she will be sorry to have missed you" he chattered away brightly as he
walked to the curtain at the back of the shop, Drawing it aside he turned
to look at me and I willed my legs to move and follow him.
Sitting opposite him at the little table in the stockroom I began to
doubt my memories of the previous week. He was telling me of the
paintings, they had sold two, which apparently was good business for them.
Then he said" I am glad you are wearing your hair loose now it does suit
you." I looked at him and smiled, blushing slightly but he had returned to
the subject of Gainsborough,
"Do you know much of him" I had to admit ,nearly nothing. "Well, I know
Claire will want to see you too, when you come back why don't you impress
her with how much you have learnt about him, say Wednesday ,1 o'clock, we
can have something a little more substantial than tea."
And I found myself again outside the shop, wondering what had happened
and having agreed to return in two days.
The sign on the door said closed and I knocked nervously, it was opened
by Claire and she looked as sophisticated as I remembered. She seemed
genuinely pleased to see me as she ushered me in.
"Peter told me you were coming for lunch, "I followed her up the narrow
stairs to their flat, wondering if I should have brought something. Isn't
that what grown ups did when invited out for meals?
"You don't mind helping do you? Peter is busy with books," She handed
me a pile of cutlery and pointed to the plates and glasses already on the
table waiting to be put out. Glad of something to do I smiled and said "Oh
no , I like helping"
"That is novel in a teenager" She laughed "Well if you can sort out the
table I can get on with the food, just a few bits to chop.
The meal was like nothing I had ever eaten before, olives in pots
,bread, tiny tomatoes, paté and cheeses. They just helped themselves and
expected me to do the same. Peter filled my glass with a mixture of water
and wine without asking and started questioning me on Gainsborough.
Eager to please I had spent the previous day at the library, gathering
what information I could. After describing my favourite painting I was
rewarded with a smile and a "Good girl"
A little later Claire asked" Who buys your clothes" "My mum" I replied,
confused," I thought so, parents have such trouble realising their little
girls are growing up, and I am sure you are wearing the wrong size bra,
Don't you think so Peter?"
She said it so matter of fact that I barely had time to be embarrassed,
he looked at my breasts through my t shirt, as if he had not seen me naked
the week before." Yes "he agreed," Why don't you take Sarah with you
tomorrow, we could at least get her measurements right, for the next time
her mother decides to dress her like a 12 year old."
The shopping trip was fun, we wandered and chattered and I didn't feel
so much younger or out of place. My bras were the wrong size and Claire
had insisted on buying me three new ones .All white with lace ,rather than
the cotton Marks and Sparks ones I was used to. When we returned to the
shop Peter was waiting. "You must show him how much they improve your
figure Sarah, go into the back room and change into one of your new bras"
So again I stood in the shop ,this time in my skirt and bra, being
inspected.
He nodded" A vast improvement, tomorrow when you come you should wear
this. But as you only have those ridiculous childish panties your mother
obviously buys in packs of 6 , no knickers. Not until we can provide
something more suitable. But wear that skirt again, it suits you."
Travelling on the tube the next day I was sure that everyone could tell.
I felt as if at any moment someone would shout," She has no knickers on!" I
had never been more aware of my body, or my need to touch myself and be
touched. I realised that my thighs were growing wet. That despite the
fear of someone finding out how I was dressed I was excited too.
When I arrived at the shop only Claire was there this time ,she lifted
my skirt and with a "Well done" pointed to the door that led upstairs to
the flat. "Peter is waiting for you, just go up."
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thank you very very much..im genuinely blushing!
